Chapter Text
“Mizu…ki…”
From emptiness, foggy shapes and dots congeal into tangible objects. The almost pervasive smell of disinfectant invades Mizuki’s nose as they slowly rouse from their sleep. Their shoulders are stiff and their neck aches— they must have dozed off leaning against the wall.
Right. They were… at the hospital. It doesn’t take long to recall the sequence of events that led the both of them here.
Their eyes travel to the pair of hands held together on the bed, before shifting towards Ena’s serene expression as she sleeps.
Or at least, that was how it was before Mizuki closed their eyes, because right now Ena’s are squeezed shut, her lips are pressed tightly together, and her breaths are not supposed to be that heavy as she turns her head from one side to another. Immediately, Mizuki rises; they wince from the jolt of pain in their back but that’s the least of their concerns as they stand by Ena’s side, their free hand now caressing her hair.
“No… Don’t— don’t go…” It’s clear what Ena is dreaming about— Mizuki grits their teeth in mild frustration as they continue stroking her hair.
“I’m here,” they whisper. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Mizuki whispers sweet nothings, whispers reassurances once fables to them but now promises they intend to keep. Their grip remains firm and steady— proof of Ena’s kindness they now hold in their hand, proof of her love Mizuki now pours back into her.
Mizuki repeats the same motions, almost mindlessly. They repeat the same motions looking at Ena’s reactions, their hand pausing every time Ena twitches or makes a sound. Only when her breathing mellows out and her knitted eyebrows relax does Mizuki remember to breathe.
They sink back into the chair, but their hands remain locked, and this time around Mizuki has no intention of letting go.
When Mizuki opens their eyes again, the Shinonome parents are there.
Even when groggy, their nerves alight all at once, screaming at them to pull their hand back, not to drag Ena down into an endless cacophony of laughter and jeer— but Mizuki tightly clings on, bravely does it even when it’s so against their nature and their heart pounds.
“Ah.” Of course, their startled reaction is noticed by the ever-insightful mother. “I’m sorry if we woke you up.”
“No,” Mizuki reassures after a moment to recollect themself. “It’s okay.”
They explain what transpired; how Ena had been neglecting herself for the assignment, how they were together when she collapsed. The finer details are left out— they’re not sure how much Ena has told them, how much she wants to say, but both parents are smart— they don’t question them further.
Ena’s father says nothing, but he strokes her cheek tenderly with a solemn look on his face. The mother instead has her focus on Mizuki as she gives them a reassuring smile, something they didn’t know they needed.
“You should head home soon.” Ena’s mother softly says. “Your parents must be worried too.”
“But—” Mizuki quietly protests.
“No buts. You’ve been with our daughter the entire night; you must be exhausted.” Her reply is swift, and final; Mizuki lacks the strength to continue resisting. “I’ll send you back.”
Ena’s father grunts in agreement, but his full attention remains on his daughter.
Unwillingly, Mizuki gently pries away their interlocked fingers; Ena’s final lingering touch leaves a sear on their skin.
The ride back is quiet— perhaps the occasional direction Mizuki gives to Ena’s mother or a passing comment from themself breaks the silence. Both are clearly troubled, and Mizuki doesn’t know what to say.
So, they find themself gazing outside at the city.
Even at this hour, the district is far from dark, bright lights illuminating the empty streets. The city is alive even as its residents rest, and Mizuki finds solace in that.
Or maybe, more simply, the beauty they see distracts them from their self-loathing enough to not break down in front of their friend’s mother.
They feel nothing of what Ena does, and they feel everything. Mizuki knows they have to be strong for her, but now they’re not with her and they can’t grip Ena’s hand tighter to root themself and they can’t look at her face to block out those of classmates and— and deep down they just know things would be easier, knows Ena wouldn’t have to suffer so much if Mizuki wasn’t here in the first place, and maybe if they hadn’t run off and just stopped overthinking it things would have been perfectly fine—
Mizuki doesn’t even realise they’re back at their house until they feel a quick tap on their shoulder, bringing them back to reality.
“Ah… Thank…”
Mizuki’s words falter at her expression; comforting and peaceful; “You can take your time,” she says, and it is welcoming, tempting for Mizuki to say sorry, to promise her that they would be there for Ena—
But they swallow it back down, the seed of self-doubt long embedded within them and the not-so poetic reason that they’d rather not have the woman fret over two girls.
“It’s okay. Thank you.” Mizuki returns a smile of their own, or they try to at least, before pushing the door open.
They turn back as they close the door, and the pair wave before Ena’s mother drives off.
They return their gaze to the house ahead, the chill soaking into their home clothes as the sound of tires on gravel fades into the chirping of crickets.
Mizuki’s thoughts lurk in the silence, and their feet seem to sink into the ground, every step making their house, their fortress seem further and further away—
But none of that matters because the door swings open to reveal Yuuki cast in a warm glow, and her lips part slightly in surprise, and Mizuki is in her embrace before the both of them can register it.
Mizuki doesn’t cry, or rather they can’t; they are running on fumes at this point. Silently, Yuuki stands straight, letting Mizuki lean fully into her body as their knees buckle and they turn to sludge. Their arms encircling their sister’s back tightly, the two of them stand at the doorstep for however long Mizuki needs until they find the strength to look up.
Yuuki gently ruffles their hair. “Come on, let’s get you in before you catch a cold.”
In a daze, Mizuki follows her, a half-step behind. They meld into the chair as Yuuki produces a cup of warm cocoa for them. It’s just the right temperature; Mizuki feels fuzzy as they take their first sips without scalding their cat’s tongue. They greedily drink more as Yuuki sits beside them, and it isn’t long until the cup is empty.
Rejuvenated, Mizuki feels their face flush as they place the cup onto the table and face their sister. “So, um… why are you awake?”
“Well, even if I try escaping back to Japan, my projects will always haunt me~” She giggles, before letting out a yawn. “Oops. I think soon I’ll be needing some of that cocoa, too.”
Mizuki’s relieved smile dies, because they know that Yuuki is trying to calm them down. That behind her words, she is worried sick. But they also know that Yuuki wouldn’t ever push Mizuki to tell her what happened.
And that, no matter what happened, her sister would always support them.
“I was… at the hospital.” Mizuki begins. Yuuki’s eyes widen, but she remains quiet.
“I’m— I’m fine,” They quickly correct. “But Ena… she hasn’t been eating or sleeping. She was worried about me, and… she kept blaming herself for what happened back then.”
The next words are hard to force out.
“She just kept trying to push herself to finish her assignments, and then when I went to help her, she…”
Ena’s face flashes in their mind, her crumpled on the ground in the Sekai, split apart on the rooftop at the hospital, and Mizuki buries their face into their hands. “I stayed strong for her, but I’m such a mess… I— I don’t know what to do…”
Yuuki reaches out, gently rubbing Mizuki’s shoulder. They take a moment to compose themself, before lowering their hands; Yuuki’s keeps theirs steady. “I know— I know it’s not my fault, and it’s not hers either, but… but we hurt each other anyway.”
Mizuki looks up to meet Yuuki’s gaze, desperately seeking advice.
Yuuki smiles lovingly. “It’s… a really messy situation, for sure. But… I think it shows how important the both of you are to each other.”
“I’ll be frank, the best thing you can do right now is rest. You’ve been out the whole night, and these kinds of things really take a toll on your mental health.” Yuuki lowers her gaze, formulating the next few words in her head. “But afterwards, when you’re ready to face your feelings again, I feel like the next best thing you can do is be by her side.”
“Okay.” Mizuki breathes out. “Okay. Yeah. I can do that.”
“And, of course,” their sister looks back up as she continues. “If you ever need to, I’ll always be here for you. We always will; Dad and Mom too.”
“Of course,” Mizuki laughs a little, before they bite back the feelings welling up in them and lean forward to embrace Yuuki again.
Of course, because through the eternal winter, their family has never been cold.
Of course, because even when they were not there, traces of their love linger in Mizuki’s room, woven into the clothes they wore, written into the messages they send.
How could an existence so cursed be so blessed?
It is afternoon when Mizuki returns.
After a well-deserved rest, they turn on their phone to a barrage of messages on Nightcord. Hastily, they type a simple I’ll explain later before setting the phone down, sighing. They take… maybe an hour or so to compose themself; they heat up some fries from the fridge for their first meal of the day, they take another shower to start fresh, and they message their parents to tell them how much they love them.
This time, they prepare more than their home clothes. They bring their trusty pink wool cardigan. It should keep them warm under the blizzard that is hospital air conditioning. They think.
Mizuki takes a neck pillow, because they know they’ll stay with Ena overnight; they want to. They contemplate bringing a blanket, but eventually put their faith in the jacket.
And, of course, they get the finest cheesecake they can find for Ena. She might not be able to finish it in one sitting— Mizuki grimaces, picturing her not eating anything for days, knowing just how much it messes up one’s stomach— but she can always finish it later. Plus, the sugar should get her energy levels back up quicker…
They thought about flowers, but it’s probably not the most tasteful thing to get for Ena considering what brought them here in the first place.
When Mizuki enters the ward, they are greeted with Ena’s father, sitting by the sleeping patient. Pink eyes meet brown, and Mizuki stands there awkwardly for a moment before clearing their throat. “Um… pardon my intrusion.”
Ena’s father nods in acknowledgement before he turns back to his daughter. Mizuki sets the cheesecake on the table; Ena’s tablet right beside tells them that she had been awake earlier. Mizuki joins him, and the two of them sit together in silence for a while.
Eventually, their thoughts stray.
The cardigan was a good idea; it’s a comfy kind of cold, and they’re not shivering as much as they’d thought they would. Mizuki’s gaze wanders to Ena’s father; he is wearing the same black jacket he wore at the exhibition, albeit much more ruffled and crumpled.
His face betrays little emotion, but his eyes say everything. Mizuki had learnt of his story from Ena before; the peony that represented her, his love for painting, his determination to keep going. Even now, he must have been looking out for Ena in his own way—
“What do you think of my daughter?”
“Eh?” Shook out of their thoughts, Mizuki blinks once. Ena’s father doesn’t elaborate, waiting for them to answer.
“Well… she’s very hot-headed.” They begin, rubbing their nose. “And very… stubborn. And she loves complaining about anything she can.”
Mizuki is a little hesitant on continuing, because they’re not exactly sure what it is that Ena’s father is asking, but they find themself smiling as they reminisce on their experiences together.
“But she believes in what she’s doing. And she always commits to it until she’s finished. And…”
The way her father stares intently, clearly putting every word to heart, makes Mizuki suddenly very conscious of her words. Nevertheless…
“Under all that fire, I think she’s very kind and gentle.” They finish, and they hope it’s a satisfactory answer, as crude as it is.
Ena’s father quietly thinks for a moment. “Do you think she is having fun?”
“I think so.” I hope so.
I know I do.
He sighs, his eyes soften, and he returns his gaze to his daughter. At that moment, he ages ten, twenty years, and Mizuki’s eyes widen. It’s a rare kind of look, but Mizuki knows it too well— the look their parents had when they were cooped up in their room unwilling to go to school—
Their heart somehow sinks even lower into their stomach…
But Mizuki is shaken out of it as Ena’s father turns towards them, a small smile finding its way onto his face. “Then… I hope… you will continue to take care of my daughter.”
It stuns Mizuki; the Shinonome family has a shared trait in their precious smiles. Without giving them time to recover, he rises; “I have an exhibition to attend. I’ll leave her in your hands.”
They manage out a ‘thank you’ as he leaves, and Mizuki is left with Ena again.
Both her mother and father— they trust Mizuki. Their smiles conceal a multitude of emotions, the one that shakes them the most being their faith— Mizuki makes sure to treasure each and every one of them. Quietly, Mizuki brings their hand to their chest and clutches their heart, feeling the weight of every word, every gesture.
Commitment, vulnerability.
It really is something they still need to get used to.
They bring their other hand to Ena’s; the brunette’s fingers instinctively curl as she latches on, and Mizuki feels a twinge of something in their heart. They’re not entirely sure what it is.
The next two hours, half of their attention is on Ena; thankfully, the nightmares leave her alone in a snapshot of tranquillity.
The other half is on their phone; Mizuki talks to Kanade in Nightcord while Mafuyu is at school, they scroll through their camera roll finding pictures of Niigo, and when they really have to, they go onto Ena’s social media page, looking at all her posts and the comments Mizuki themself left behind.
“Ah?”
Mizuki quickly looks up from their phone to see Shinonome Akito.
Clad in his school uniform, he holds a plastic bag with a brand name far too familiar to Mizuki. “Lil’ bro…”
Akito sighs in exasperation. “Even now, you’re still using that nickname… Argh, whatever.”
He reaches into the plastic bag and takes out another cheesecake, and it’s only then he notices the one still waiting for his sister on the table… Great minds think alike? Mizuki giggles as his nose crinkles in slight frustration.
“Seriously? And it wasn’t cheap, either…” Despite his grumbling, he sets the cheesecake beside its partner and plops himself down beside Mizuki. “...How is she?”
“Better.” Mizuki sighs as they look back at Ena. “The doctor said it was a lack of sleep and food… she’ll be out in a few days.”
“She’s actually such a dumbass…” Akito mutters as he looks down. “I thought she would have learnt to take care of herself better.”
Mizuki doesn’t have the heart to tell him it was because of them, but Akito knows. “Akiyama, I won’t push, but something happened between you two, right?”
“Ah… yeah… you can put it like that. Did Ena tell you?”
“No, but… it’s easy to tell when she goes from being with your group all day to rotting in her room. And when she actually cleaned it up…” Akito shivers.
Mizuki turns to stare at him. “She cleaned up her room?”
“See?” Akito’s exaggerated reaction prompts another fit of giggles from Mizuki. “That’s when I knew something was seriously wrong.”
“Seriously, though…” His smile fades away as his tone lowers. “She has this tendency to just hide her problems. Like it shows so easily on her face… but she always clams up when it matters the most.”
“Yeah.” Mizuki quietly agrees. “I know that feeling too.”
After a long pause, Akito speaks again. “Akiyama.”
“Lil’ bro?” The mood has changed; Mizuki hears his change of tone— more earnest, more sincere— something more than his usual rash demeanour. They try to distract him, but…
“Take care of her for me, alright?” He is not willing to bite on the bait.
Internally, Mizuki chides themself for doing it; they’d promised to reach out, to take everyone’s feelings in stride, but it is painfully easy to slide back into their old role. Akito’s feelings, his expectations… They are scary, unknown.
But even so—
Exhaling, they nod. “I will.”
Nodding in return, Akito’s relieved smile gradually fades back into his usual smirk. “I’ll leave her in your hands then.”
“Where are you going?” Mizuki asks, half-serious, half-teasingly. “Surely you’re worried for your older sister~”
In response, Akito scrunches up his face in disgust. “Not if you put it like that! Ugh… I would stay, but I’m drowning in homework and practice. Besides… I think she needs more time to sort her feelings out.”
“Well…” Mizuki can’t argue with that, even jokingly. “I’ll be seeing you then.”
“You make it sound so sad… I’m still visiting every day, and I’ll buy the cheesecakes if she wants.”
“Wow… Enanan’s loyal servant~” They snicker.
“I heard that!”
When Mizuki returns in the evening, Ena is still sleeping.
They had gone out to buy dinner— something simple, something close— but they’d left a little note that read ‘Out to get dinner, be back soon’ just in case Ena would wake up alone.
Now, with a plate of curry rice in their hands, Mizuki settles back down into their spot. “Thank you for the meal,” they softly whisper to themself before they dig in. The food is good— as expected, considering Mizuki loves curry rice— the curry is savoury and warm with just a touch of sweetness that brings joy to their mouth.
The food is good— but Mizuki can’t fully appreciate it because their mind is elsewhere.
In the span of several hours, they’ve talked to the entire Shinonome family. Each of them handled the situation differently, but it was clear— all of them cherished and cared for Ena in their own ways. It makes Mizuki think of their own household, and the similarities is not lost on them—
Both of them have been treasured by their family, and they would always be treasured, and— and Mizuki has never felt so loved in their life, never wanted to hug their family again so badly.
It’s overwhelming when you stop to think, just really, how much you matter to other people, even if you wish you could disappear, and they’d just move on with their lives like nothing happened.
It makes their initial decision to disappear all the more painful. Even now, the memories of yesterday still play like a broken mixtape; Ena’s trembling hands, her tears imitating Mizuki’s, the warmth of her body— it would all be for nothing if she’d actually followed through. Just the thought of it makes them grip the hem of their cardigan tightly— damnit .
It makes their promise to Ena all the stronger.
Mizuki admits they might have bit off more than they can chew— they’ve had to leave once or twice, to stand on the rooftop and feel like they’re on the top of the world to take in the fresh air and clear their head— but they know they’ll always return back. Even if Mizuki’s wavered and faltered multiple times, their resolve remains as fiery as the first day.
Today has been exhausting, for sure. But Mizuki wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Mmn…”
Mizuki quickly sets the plate of half-eaten curry rice aside and leans forward. “How are you feeling?”
With a noise, Ena slowly rouses from her sleep as she shifts in the bed. “…Tired,” she musters. “What time is it?”
“7:30 in the evening.” Mizuki replies instantly— they’d already been checking every now and then. The last time they saw her awake was nearly eighteen hours ago.
“So late…” Ena mutters.
“Eh~ even though you usually wake up around this time~”
Mizuki is rewarded with a light bonk on the head, and both of them laugh. Once she recovers, Ena eventually tries sitting up, and Mizuki helps her up with some difficulty.
“Are— are you hungry or anything?”
“Not really,” Ena sheepishly admits. Her eyes shift to the table where two slices of cheesecake await her. “There’s no way I can finish both of those.”
“Blame Akito for the second slice. He dropped by while you were sleeping.”
“Akito… I haven’t said anything to him, yet.” Ena realises, her smile disappearing.
“You have time,” Mizuki quickly reassures Ena as she takes the hand that bonked their head and rubs it affectionately. “He talked to me for a bit; I think he’s doing okay.”
“I know. I know, but…”
Ena looks down. “I was awake for a while earlier. Not very long… but I got to talk to my parents and… and I’ve never seen my mom cry until now.”
“Ena…”
“I’m fine. Really.” Apologetically, Ena turns her palm up, and their fingers interlock again. “I just want to make sure everyone else is okay, too.”
Even now, you’re still worrying about other people…
Mizuki’s expression dissolves into something more wistful whilst Ena continues. “I think I can finish one… Do you mind…?”
“S-sure.”
They pass the plate and a plastic fork; Ena takes the smallest bites as the slice of cake disappears bit by bit. She’s like a mouse; something about it is both adorable and painful. At the very least, Ena’s content look as she helps herself gives Mizuki some peace of mind. She’s much more stable— those eighteen hours of sleep must have helped as well. Though… it’s probably not the healthiest schedule to follow.
Mizuki doesn’t even know they’re staring until they catch Ena’s awkward smile. “...What?”
“Nothing, nothing.”
They feel their cheeks redden, but Mizuki wants to admit the truth for once, even if it’s embarrassing. To reach out, they need to take steps, and this is one of them. In a split second, they quell all their doubts, and—
“I just… missed your smile.”
It’s selfish, a little imposing, and definitely not Mizuki-like, but— but it’s the truth and they have missed it, missed it so damn much when they haven’t seen it in forever, and it’s the first chance in a long time they can be honest with themself and they can only hope all of their feelings are condensed into those five words.
Ena’s lips part, her face flushes, but her smile melts into something warmer as she sets the empty plate aside and leans forward to lower her head onto Mizuki’s shoulder, surprising them.
“I missed you, too.”
Ena mumbles into their neck, her face hidden, and it takes Mizuki all their willpower to keep their breathing steady and their heart rate low.
Reflexively, their hands find their way to her back, and Mizuki rubs in a downward motion. “There, there. I’m here now.”
“I’m not a horse, you know…” Ena grumbles, just like her brother, and Mizuki laughs.
This moment— it’s perfect. And Mizuki knows that there’s still so much to do, that the two of them need to work on themselves, work with each other—
But they can take it slow. They have each other.
Right now, they're okay. Everything’s okay. And Mizuki wouldn’t have it any other way.