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Leaning his forehead against the double-glazed window, Martin has to make an effort to see beyond the dull reflection of the poorly illuminated train-compartment.
He watches how buildings, cars and people flash by –faster and faster- as the train gains speed. Up until the point where shapes become blurry and unfocused and everything fades into crazy colours that weave together to form new, unknown patterns.
Momentarily, he closes his eyes, the brightness of the lights overwhelming his senses. But a beat later, from behind his closed eyelids, he feels how the brightness makes place for softer colours, not as vivid as before.
Blinking slowly, his eyes adjust again as he resumes his silent study of the city behind the glass. A city that brought pain, tears and a stinging dullness to his life. He’d be lying if he said he’d never known good times while living and working here. Sure, there’s been laughter and friendship, but for the longest of times he was unable to shake off the dullness. Not completely anyway.
He should have seen it coming when he first moved here. After all, this is New York and it’s not hard to imagine the whispers and shadows that lurk around every corner. And it’s so easy to not look any further. To just ignore the corners and walk in a straight line. But then he wouldn’t be a very good FBI-agent, now would he? It’s his job to unveil and discover what’s beneath those shadows.
He’s the guy that has to look beyond the faces. He has to unravel the truth from the lies that are deeply embedded in so many people’s lives. He’s become somewhat of an expert in studying, invading and even destroying a person’s dreams and hopes. Some of them for the best. Others? He’s not so sure.
The weight of that knowledge is heavy and it would have crushed him a long time ago, if it hadn’t been for the comforting warm weight that is currently resting against his shoulder. Turning his head slightly to the right, Martin’s nose is buried in short thick black hair.
Breathing in deeply, Danny’s typical smell hits his nostrils. Oh how he loves that smell. Without moving too much –because he doesn’t want to wake Danny up- he tries to settle a little more comfortably against the unforgivable hard seats. A few seconds later he gives up on comfort and resigns himself to the back-ache that will most certainly pop up tomorrow morning.
And it’s all worth it as Danny briefly opens his eyes and shoots him one of those sleepy, warm and adorable smiles that makes Martin want to do crazy things, such as climb up to the top of the Empire State and shout out for all of New York that he is completely, madly, head over heels in love with Danny Taylor.
But for now, he is content to just study Danny’s features from up above as the man in question closes his eyes again and burrows a little deeper into that space between Martin’s neck and shoulder.
Martin doesn’t quite know what he did to deserve unconditional love like this. It’s an enigma to him what he did to deserve Danny in his life. But whatever it was, it must have been spectacularly good to have received this in return.
Outside it’s cold, and the city and its people are moving on relentlessly. Living their lives as they seem fit. Some are dying, disappearing, hurting. Some are bringing new life into the world, smiling, playing.
But right now, at this moment in time, Martin couldn’t care less about any of it. Because for a long time it was just him against the city-- sometimes even the world. However, these days –as Danny has informed Martin many times himself- that is no longer true.
And if, for the rest of the train ride home, his eyes never stray away from Danny again? Well, Martin’s perfectly fine with that too.
FIN