Work Text:
It’s like Red woke up one day,
and he wasn’t himself.
it was like he wasn’t present, wasn't present in his own body. Everything was off since that day.
He lay in his bed for hours, thinking, sometimes crying. Thoughts circle his mind endlessly:
why
why couldn’t i be a better friend
why can’t i just speak up
why am i constantly being hurt
why was i born…like this?
Everyday was awfully the same. Wake up, sit there, hesitantly brush his teeth and get dressed, and sit there more, then sit through boring lectures. As he sat there through these boring lectures, he thought about banging his head against the wall alot. As the teacher deadnamed him, his thoughts didn’t get any better at all. When he finally got to his apartment, he felt a little better. Not much. He still wanted to bang his head against the wall and slit his throat. But he was just a little better. He had absolutely no friends, other than Ashswag- but well…Its Ashswag.
Red was confused about Ash. He acted…weird around Red, like he liked him—yet, Red caught Ash talking shit about him, right infront of his face.
does he like me or not? Red thought.
He was a fool for always crawling back to Ash, no matter what he said about him. There was just something that completely voided him from straying away from Ash. Loneliness, was it? Red was lonely. Red didn’t care if Ash actually liked him or not, he was just happy someone atleast pretended to tolerate him—even if it made Red feel like shit. And Ash knew it made Red feel like shit, that’s why he kept doing it. Red was constantly being manipulated and exploited. Red knew it too, he wasn’t blind, he was just too much of a people pleaser and was lonely.
Kaboodle said to confront Ash. Though who could trust her? Red thought she was fake, he thought everyone was fake. And maybe they are.
Yet, for some reason, he can’t stray away from anybody.