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“Yes,” Rize whispered, embracing the boy. “I, too, happen to be interested in you.”
Kaneki’s eyes brightened. But then he hesitated. Something was off. Sure enough, joy turned to confusion turned to horror as Rize’s body opened up, blood vaporized into the air, and a massive kagune emerged, stopping right in front of his eye.
Too late, Kaneki realized his date was a ghoul. And she was hungry.
Rize gasped her mouth wide open…
…which instantly jammed shut as Kaneki tethered a strip of Flex Tape onto her mouth. She muffled in shock and anger.
“Hi, Kaneki Ken here for Flex Tape.” Kaneki pulled out another strip of tape and snipped it with scissors. He smiled as he looked to the side, peeling the protective film off. “The super strong, ghoulproof tape,” he slapped the tape onto Rize’s face, sending her flying across the alleyway, “that can instantly patch, bond, seal, and restrain.”
Rize’s head banged on a window, and she fell to the ground. Growling with rage, she bit into the tape around her mouth, but to no avail. She tried to pull it off and tear it off with her hands, but the tape remained unscathed. She lept to her feet and charged at Kaneki.
“Flex Tape is no ordinary tape,” Kaneki continued. “Its triple-thick adhesive virtually welds itself to surfaces, instantly stopping the toughest bites.” Kaneki slapped another strip of tape and slapped Rize’s nose with it, stopping her in her tracks.
“Hungry ghouls can cause major damage, but Flex Tape grips on tight and bonds instantly.” He gripped the tape around her mouth and swung it in the air like a lasso, tossing her into the wall. Then he lept forward and, pulling out a long strip of tape, stuck her torso onto the wall. A nearby pipe burst, and sewage water started pouring onto Rize.
“Plus, Flex Tape’s powerful adhesive is so strong,” he continued as Rize tried to form her kagune, to no avail, “it even works underwater! Now you can restrain ghouls in storms and sewers without draining them. Flex Tape is perfect for storm chasers, plumbers, and the CCG.”
Kaneki threw a piece of Flex Tape onto the burst pipe, patching it up instantly.
“Flex Tape is super strong, and once it’s on, it holds on tight.” Rize reached her arms out, lacerating Kaneki’s hands in fury. Kaneki, however, did not flinch or even wince. “And for emergency first aid, Flex Tape keeps its grip, even in the toughest skirmishes.” He took out some Flex Tape and bandaged his hands.
Rize muffled something that sounded like a curse, and with all her strength, she yanked Kaneki’s arm off his body. Again, Kaneki showed no expression of pain whatsoever.
“Big ghouls can cause big bites, but Flex Tape comes super wide so you can easily patch large wounds.” With his remaining hand, Kaneki took out some Flex Tape and taped his arm back to his body. It worked perfectly, and he shook out both his arms as if nothing had happened.
Now, Rize had stopped trying to fight. She watched with bewildered eyes as Kaneki nullified all his wounds and countered her attempts to strike. But Kaneki wasn’t done yet.
“To show you the power of Flex Tape…” Kaneki spun the roll of tape with his hands, shaping it into a buzzsaw. Next he lept high into the sky and, using the saw, effortlessly sliced the bridge above them. “…I sawed this bridge in half!”
The bridge then fell unceremoniously to the bounded Rize, killing her instantly. The end. Buy some Flex Tape®.