Work Text:
There are moments that the words don’t reach
There is suffering too terrible to name
You hold your child as tight as you can
And push away the unimaginable
There are moments when you’re in so deep
It feels easier to just swim down
Losing Melody, there are no words to describe it. Literally. A woman who loses her husband is a widow. A man who loses his wife is a widower. A child who loses their parents is an orphan. But there is no name for me, for us. There is no way to describe this, this pain.
I spend hours in the garden
I walk alone to the store
And it’s quiet uptown
I never liked the quiet before
I spend a lot of time alone; it’s not my choice though. Amy likes to grieve privately, she doesn’t want to see my pain and she definitely doesn’t want me to see hers. I like the quiet now, I can think about my daughter, the baby I never even held. My beautiful Melody, but she’s just a memory. Not even that she’s a fantasy, perhaps she’s just a story I tell myself. I sit in our little garden looking at the stars and tell myself her story.
If you see him in the street,
Walking by himself,
Taking to himself,
Have pity
I walk by myself, I must talk to myself. When I pass people in the street they stare, but when I look they turn away. They have no idea what I’m going through but they pity me.
Melody, you would like it uptown
It’s quiet uptown
You would like it, Melody. It’s so quiet here, in the garden. I would hold you in my arms and show you all the stars I know you will see up close. When you’re older I would lift you up on my shoulders and tell you stories. Oh Melody, I know who you will be.
He is working through the unimaginable
Each day I think to myself, that it’s just one more day and I can do it. But I fell so alone and incomplete without my baby. I can’t bare it.
His hair is going grey
He passes every day
They say he walks the length of the city
I can’t stop walking, I walk everywhere. Maybe one day I’ll walk into her.
Can you imagine?
If someone had said to me, I would lose my baby. I would tell them they were mad. No one can imagine the pain and no one understands.
Look at where we are
Look at where we started
I know I don’t deserve you, Amy
But hear me out,
That would be enough
I can’t through to her, she’s closed herself off. She has no idea what she’s doing to me. But she’s still by my side, I don’t deserve her, I really don’t. I need her to listen to me, to hear me. That’s all.
I don’t pretend to know
The challenges we’re facing
I know there’s no replacing what we’ve lost
And you need time
But I’m not afraid
I know who I married
Just let me stay by your side
That would be enough
I don’t know how will cope, I know we will never replace our baby girl. We never could. River is keeping her distance, it’s for the best. Amy needs time, our marriage needs time. But I am going to stay by her side, if she lets me. I will never leave her and if I ever have to she’ll be left with claw marks because I will hold onto her to the end.
If you see him in the street,
Walking by her side,
Talking by her side
Have pity
We walk together, we are pitied together. We are united in our grief.
Amy, do you like it uptown? It’s quiet uptown.
He’s trying to the unimaginable
See them walking in the park, long after dark
Taking in the sights of the city
I walk with her and show her all the things I saw when I was alone. I missed her, I missed her presence. I want her to like the quiet and the peace. So she doesn’t feel the need to go back to the screaming universe.
Look around, look around, Amy
They are trying to do the unimaginable
There are moments that the words don’t reach
There is grace to powerful to name
We push away what we can never understand
We push away the unimaginable
They are standing in the garden
Rory by Amy’s side
She takes his hand
We’re in the garden, standing quietly looking at the stars. She’s missing them, she’s missing River. She still hasn’t forgiven me for letting them take our daughter. It’s something she blames me for, but I couldn’t have done anything. Then she takes my hand in hers.
It’s quiet uptown
Forgiveness. Can you imagine?
Forgiveness. Can you imagine?
If you see him in the street,
Walking by her side,
Talking by her side,
Have pity
They are going through the unimaginable