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Crosshair gently shushes Pasithea as he bounces her down in his arms. Her cries have yet to be tempered, and it’s obvious she is uncomfortable. Pasithea temporarily pauses her squealing to mewl unhappily. Crosshair brings her from his chest to tuck her close to his neck; he lays her on his shoulder and rubs up and down her back.
“Ner ka’ra’ika,” Crosshair coos at her. He turns his head slightly to kiss her chubby cheek. “Mommy is so sorry you don’t feel well.” Pasithea coos and a small, little small graces her face for just a second before her face crumples as she cries out again. Crosshair’s bottom lip quivers, and he tries to blink away the tears threatening to spill over.
A few rotations ago, Omega came over to spend the night. Every other week, Omega spends the night at their house; however, if it were up to her, she would spend all her nights with Crosshair, Howzer, Pasithea, and Batcher. Omega is infatuated with her niece; she loves laying with her on the floor during tummy time, cradling her in her arms while he sings, hell, Omega even happily changes the baby.
Omega was perfectly healthy when she arrived, bouncing on her toes and nearly ripping Hunter’s arm off from how hard she was dragging him. Crosshair was with Pasithea in her nursery, rocking her in the rocker and nursing her, when Omega burst in and placed a delicate kiss to Pasithea’s head. Omega helped make dinner, played with Pasithea on her pallet, and assisted Howzer with the garden. Throughout the night, Crosshair noticed his sister getting more and more fatigued. She was becoming sluggish, and Crosshair caught her rubbing her eyes. He simply chalked it down to her being sleepily from her week in school.
They were all piled into Howzer and Crosshair’s bed when Omega began sniffling and coughing.
She went home that morning and was promptly diagnosed with a cold from Tech. Crosshair panic cleaned the house, disinfecting every room, washing the sheets and blankets, and scrubbing all the dishes and silverware Omega used. Pasithea is still so tiny. He didn’t want her coming down with a cold as well.
Then she woke up with a slight fever.
Crosshair immediately panicked. His horrified gasp woke Howzer and made Batcher jump. They practically flew to the small medic’s office. Their pediatrician, Dr. Dore, assured the distraught parents that Pasithea would be fine. She was prescribed liquid medicine, and Crosshair was given tips to ease his baby’s discomfort.
Crosshair bounces Pasithea with just a little more speed as her cries become louder. He brings her from his shoulder to cradle her in his arms, patting her bottom rhythmically.
“I love Pasitheaaaa, more than she ever will know. I love Pasitheaaaa, more than she ever will know,” Crosshair sings to try and comfort her. Pasithea quiets, her eyes no longer squinting as her eyes look into his. “Hi, my baby.” Crosshair tucks his hands under her armpits and lifts her to bring her close to his face. “Mama’s sweet little girl.” Her lips twitch as she smiles. “There’s my sunny ka’ra’ika!”
Pasithea is such a sweet, happy, and lively baby. She has begun to lift herself with her arms during tummy time, she coos when her family baby talks to her, she shows interest in certain toys, people, and objects, and she smiles everytime she sees her Mama. Crosshair’s baby is in pain, and it kills him there is not a lot he can do for her.
Her smile fades as she lets out a sneeze. The tears begin anew as she starts warbling again. Batcher, who is busy circling Crosshair’s legs and whining, barks impatiently and runs out of the master bedroom. Crosshair lays her down on the bed so he can slip his top off. Her heart breaking cries turn to screams as she leaves his arms.
“Mommy’s not leaving,” Crosshair assures her, stripping off the stained top he’s been wearing since Pasithea woke up sick. “We’re doing skin to skin, like Daddy does.” Crosshair throws his shirt behind him and picks his daughter up. He sways and pats her bottom. “There, there, my sweet baby, there, there.”
“I’ve got her medicine,” Howzer announces as he hurries in. He holds up the syringe filled with the purple cold medicine. Batcher has Howzer’s sleeve in her mouth, leading him towards her sick human sister. “Hi baby girl, Daddy’s here with your medicine.”
“About time,” Crosshair snaps. He cradles Pasithea and tilts her so her face points towards Howzer. “What took so long?” Howzer huffs as he brings the syringe to their daughter’s mouth.
“So sorry, commander,” Howzer replies, tone dripping with sarcasm. “Forgive me for taking so long.” Despite the spite brewing in him, Crosshair decides not to comment on his statement. They have both been terribly stressed for the past few days. They’ve been up at all hours attempting to soothe a sick baby, they’ve been changing disgusting diapers, and they’ve had around four hours of sleep in total.
“Be quick,” Crosshair tells his boyfriend. He gets his nipple right next to Pasithea’s mouth. The second it opens, Howzer squirts the medicine down her throat. Crosshair gently thrusts his nipple into her mouth. Pasithea grimaces for a split second, then begins to work her mouth as she nurses. Crosshair sighs out as his body melts. Howzer comes up behind him and wraps his arm around his waist.
“Let’s sit on the bed, yeah?” He suggests, nodding towards said bed. “You can sit in my lap…I could help you hold out ka’ra’ika…your arms must be tired.” Crosshair breathes out a shaky laugh.
“They are a little,” he agrees as he lets Howzer guide him to the bed. As promised, Howzer brings his arm around to bear the weight of Pasithea’s tiny body. Batcher hops onto the bed. She leans to sniff at the baby, licks Crosshair’s chest, then settles herself at the foot of the bed. It’s quiet, save for Batcher’s panting and Pasithea’s eating sounds, and Howzer tucks his nose right behind Crosshair’s ear.
“Sorry I snapped, mesh’la,” Howzer whispers. “I shouldn’t have snapped.” Crosshair hums, his eyes still watching Pasithea as her eyes get heavier and heavier.
“I’m sorry too,” he apologizes. “I’ve been stressed, but that doesn’t mean I should be short with you.” Crosshair caresses Pasithea’s smooth cheek. “You’ve been nothing but helpful, kind, and supportive.”
“Well of course,” Howzer says. He kisses where his lips lay and reaches around to gently rub his thumb across the back of Pasithea’s hand. “I love both of you dearly.” Crosshair turns his head to capture Howzer’s lips with his own.
“I love you too, me’suum’ika,” Crosshair coos. He smirks as he bites his lip to hold in a laugh. “And I believe you are Pasithea’s third favorite person.” He can perfectly picture Howzer’s confused look in his mind.
“Third?”
“I am number one,” Crosshair begins explaining. “Batcher is number two.” The lurca hound lifts her head and gives Crosshair a goofy smile with her tongue poking out of her head. Crosshair reaches behind him to poke Howzer’s side teasingly. “Then you.” Howzer makes a noise from the back of his throat.
“Number three isn’t so bad,” he muses. Crosshair feels him smirk. “I was a captain after all.” Crosshair chuckles quietly.
Pasithea falls asleep and lets out a deep sigh as she releases Crosshair’s nipple. Crosshair moves to go and place Pasithea in her bassinet, but Howzer stops him from getting up.
“Let me,” he offers, taking Pasithea into his arms. She snuffles, twitches, and hums, but her eyes stay closed and she tucks her tiny hand in her mouth as Howzer slowly and carefully lays her down. He places the small lurca plush Hunter bought her at the end of the bassinet then switches on her humidifier. Howzer and Crosshair both just watch as Pasithea sleeps, occasionally twitching and cooing. Howzer leans down and kisses Crosshair slowly. He pulls back and presses their foreheads together.
“Why don’t you go and take a hot bath, tranyc’ika,” he suggests. “Take your time and relax.” Howzer kisses the stressed scrunch in between his eyes. He lays his cheek on his and nuzzles him. “I hate seeing you stressed.”
“I can’t help it,” Crosshair shrugs. “She’s my entire galaxy…I don’t like feeling helpless.” Howzer coos in empathy as he tenderly kisses his eyelids.
“You're a great mother, Crosshair,” Howzer assures him. “Babies get sick, they fall over, they scrape their knees, it’s all just a part of life…Pasithea is lucky to have you.” Crosshair nearly purrs at the praise. His boyfriend is always able to talk him out of his panic and ease his worries.
“Yeah…” Crosshair sighs as he stands. A painful cramp rips through him; he grunts, face contorting in pain briefly.
“Everything okay?” Howzer asks, voice hitching in worry.
“I’m fine,” Crosshair lies easily. “Just a little sore from bending over to pick her up all day.” Crosshair strips his clothes off and tosses them towards the growing pile of clothes he and Howzer have been neglecting. He bends down to remove his socks, and Howzer wolf whistles at his ass quietly.
“Stop,” Crosshair whisper hisses. He can’t help the grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. Howzer grins back and shoos him towards the bathroom.
Crosshair adds some bath salts and essential oils to his bath. He plays some soft music. Crosshair wets a washcloth in the hot water and covers his eyes with it. The hot water, oils, and bath salts help soothe the ache that began not long after Pasithea became sick.
He hopes it’s not his period. Crosshair hasn’t had one in about two years, so he’s absolutely dreading its return. During his postnatal checkup, Crosshair mentioned to Dr. Oshera wanting to get the implant that prevents menstrations. She advised against it, saying he needed to go through at least two menstrual cycles before getting a new implant. Seeing his disappointment, Dr. Oshera informed him that typically periods are delayed when the person is actively breastfeeding.
However, he can’t think of what else could be causing his discomfort. He is experiencing pain in his lower back, abdomen, and pelvis, he’s often nauseous, and he threw up this morning. Crosshair was unfortunate enough to vomit during his periods, so none of his symptoms are out of the ordinary.
Doesn’t make it suck any less.
He sits and soaks for a while before washing up, making sure to scrub away the smell of stress and sick baby, then puts on his fluffiest, most soothing pajamas. Crosshair brushes his teeth and finishes his skin care routine. He flushes at the reminder this is the first time he’s done either since his baby fell ill.
Crosshair walks back into the bedroom and smiles. Howzer tidied the bed as best he could, straightening the sheets and pulling back the covers on Crosshair’s side of the bed. He’s sitting up reading his datapad.
“Thank you, alor’ad,” Crosshair coos sweetly as he slips into the bed. Howzer puts his datapad on his nightstand and grabs Crosshair to help him down. They snuggle close; Crosshair nuzzles against Howzer’s chest as his boyfriend pulls the covers up. Batcher, who was previously laying in front of Pasithea’s bassinet, hops up to settle at Crosshair’s feet.
“No problem, mesh’la,” Howzer kisses his temple. His hand wanders down to his waist and squeezes. “Our anniversary is tomorrow.” Crosshair squints in confusion.
“Anniversary?” He inquires. Howzer hums as a confirmation.
“It’ll be a year since we reunited tomorrow.”
“Oh…” Crosshair pulls up to settle on his forearms. “I…didn’t know.” Crosshair nervously licks his lips. “I haven’t gotten you a gift, but I do have the ingredients to make cinnamon rolls for you.”
“I don’t need a gift, cyare” Howzer laughs, holding his hands out. “Besides…you won’t need to make cinnamon rolls; we’re going out tomorrow night on a date.” Crosshair’s eyebrows jump in surprise.
“Where?” He asks, tilting his head. “Wait-hold on- who's watching Pasithea?” Howzer snorts.
“Your vode had an all out brawl when I asked who could watch her,” Howzer shakes his head. “She’s going to their house, that way they can all look after her.” Crosshair hums and nods his head.
“Smart…what are we doing?” Howzer’s lip twitches in amusement.
“It’s a surprise.” Crosshair huffs and rolls his eyes at the nonanswer. Howzer laughs and pulls them back down under the covers. “Don’t think too hard about it, trancy’ika. Just wear something nice.”
All Crosshair can do is grunt in response before promptly passing out from exhaustion.
Morning comes. Howzer wakes to shower and make caff while Crosshair pumps and makes oatmeal for his boyfriend. Batcher lays in the hallway, situated in such a way so she can see both Crosshair and sleeping Pasithea.
“Have a good day, me’suum’ika,” Crosshair says, pressing a quick kiss to Howzer’s lips.
“You as well, trancy’ika,” Howzer returns, pausing to cup Crosshair’s cheek.
The start of the morning is typical. Crosshair washes his face then feeds Pasithea. He sits on the front porch to rock her as she nurses. Batcher runs to his vode’s house to say hi and returns with a bone in her mouth and a wiggle in her bottom. They sit out for a while, enjoying the cool breeze and bright sun. Crosshair sings to Pasithea; she’s feeling much better than she has been. She happily huffs, smiling as she reaches for her Mama. Crosshair grabs her hand and presses several firm kisses to it.
Bacther, the spoiled dog she is, lays her head on Crosshair’s lap to beg for kisses and pets. Crosshair obliges, telling her what a good, sweet, protective puppy she is. Pasithea seems to agree with his statement as she squeals excitedly and waves her hand towards the lurca.
Crosshair sits in his work room and hums to himself as he works. Munti assured Crosshair he could take all the time he wanted to, but he wants to keep his skills sharp. Now, he’s working on a button for Howzer. He’s using the satin teal fabric Munti let him borrow and threading his old battalion’s number on the back.
Pasithea is on the floor doing her tummy time. Crosshair laid her on a blanket and set her water tummy time mat in front of her so she could entertain herself while he worked. However, it seems Batcher finds the toy more amusing than Pasithea. While the baby will pat her hands curiously, Batcher digs her front paws on it, lighting fast and causing the mat to make sloshing noises. Pasithea lets out breathy little giggles. Crosshair abandons his project to record his baby’s first laughs.
That’s when a violent cramp rips through him. Crosshair hisses and grips his desk. He grimaces as he grips his lower abdomen. He lays his forehead on the desk and grits his teeth. Crosshair remembers what his usual period cramps felt like, and they were nowhere near as painful as this.
Batcher ditches the water mat to worriedly whine and circle Crosshair. He reaches a hand down to scratch her crest.
“I’m okay, girl,” Crosshair huffs out. His face is still contorted in pain as he stands. “I just need-” He stops talking as he feels something leak from him. Crosshair quickly drops his pants and gasps in disgust. In his underwear, Crosshair finds a gray, bloody clump. He gaps in shock. The blood or texture it’s what startles him, his periods used to be gross and full of lumps, the gray is what is concerning. Crosshair fumbles with his comm and contacts his gyno’s office.
Solleu clinic. How can I assist you today?
“My name is Crosshair,” he begins as he fumbles trying to put his bottoms back on. “I am a patient of Dr. Oshera. I need to see her immediately.”
Okay. Is this an emergency?
Crosshair rubs his lips in thought. Dr. Oshera told him to look out for any fever, incontinence, and shortness of breath. She didn’t mention gray discharge, but Crosshair doesn't think that is a normal color.
“Yes.”
He answers all her questions and is told to come in as soon as he can. Crosshair picks Pasithea up and lays her on his shoulder. She makes a small gurgling sound and scrunches. He kisses her cheek.
“Would you like to spend some time with Ba’vodu Echo?” He asks her as he picks up his comm to dial his ori’vod.
All Crosshair manages to get out is Pasithea’s name when Echo chirps that he’ll be there soon. Crosshair packs his tote and meets his brother at the door.
“Hello there, cyar’ika,” Echo coos as he takes his niece from Crosshair. He bounces her in his arms before settling her on his shoulder. “How are you today?” Pasithea grunts as she reaches for Echo’s nose. Echo chuckles and turns to his vod’ika. “How’re you, Cross?”
“Not great,” he answers, shaking his head. “There’s…I’m having some issues downstairs and need to visit Dr. Oshera. Echo’s eyes widen in panic, and his face flushes. He grips Crosshair’s forearm with his organic hand.
“Do I need to go with you?” Echo inquires, tilting his head. “You don’t have to go alone.” Crosshair smirks and presses his forehead to Echo’s.
“No,” he shakes his head. “I think I’ll be okay.” Pulling back, he sees Echo pursing his lips in doubt. He sighs and nods his head.
“Okay…I’ll be here to talk when you get back…should you need to.” Crosshair smirks.
“I know, vod.” He kisses Pasithea’s cheek, temple, and jaw. “Bye-bye, precious girl. Mama loves you; I‘ll be right back.” Pasithea whines unhappily and waves her arm at him. Crosshair forces himself to wave goodbye and walk out the door.
He loads into the speeder and straps in. Surprisingly, Batcher hops in next to him and settles with her head in his lap.
“Bacther,” Crosshair begins softly. “You can’t come.” He tries to gently push her off his lap. The hound whines and burrows herself farther onto him. He sighs and rolls his eyes. “Fine then.”
The hound only protested a little when Crosshair forced her to remain outside. She huffed angrily, but she laid down next to the door, her head resting on her front paws. The receptionist takes his information quickly and leads him to a room. It’s quite different from the one he had Pasithea in. It’s painted a soft blue color, but more sterile and professional. The exam table has stirrups on it, and Crosshair subconsciously shivers at the memories of the cold, harsh ones on Kamino. These are covered with a soft purple material. They are not as frightening as the ones from his cadet hood.
Still, he hopes Dr. Oshera does not have to “check the hyperdrive”.
Someone knocks on the door. Crosshair sits down in one of the soft chairs and calls out for them to enter. Dr. Oshera comes in with a twi’lek nurse following her. The young nurse is pink skinned with purple markings across her four lekku. His lips twitch- she reminds him of Suu.
“Hello Crosshair,” Dr. Oshera greets. “How is little Pasithea doing?” Crosshair grins and feels his heart leap at the question.
“She is doing amazing,” he informs her. “Pasithea likes sleeping, eating, and being carried around everywhere.” Dr. Oshera coos.
“Oh that is wonderful to hear.” She gestures to the nurse. “This is Aola. She is a student from Moenia University. Is it alright with you if she observes you today?” Crosshair shrugs; he’s used to being surrounded by multiple doctors, droids, and security personnel during check ups.
“Sure,” he answers. Dr. Oshera smiles and Aola nods in gratitude. Dr. Oshera sits on the small roller stool and crosses her legs. Crosshair relaxes slightly- his gyno has always been personal and friendly.
“Now, Sima mentioned you are experiencing some abdominal cramping as well as nausea, yes?” Crosshair nods and hums. Dr. Oshera nods as well as she looks through Crosshair’s file. “She put here that you are having abnormal discharge as well.” She waits for Crosshair to confirm before she sits aside the datapad and turns to face him fully. “Tell me a little more.”
“It’s gray,” he starts. “Rather clumpy as well with blood-I’ve never seen anything like it.” Dr. Oshera frowns slightly.
“I would like to check on you,” she says. “Would that be alright?” Crosshair sighs but agrees. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to strip everything off, just his pants and underwear, and climbs on top of the exam table. Dr. Oshera assists him in getting his feet placed correctly in the stirrups. “Deep breath; you’re going to feel a little pinch.”
Crosshair is proud he doesn’t grunt or wince as the device his doctor is using enters him. She continues making small conversation. Crosshair gives his answers- short and clipped- and focused on the intricate pattern painted on the ceiling. He breathes out a sigh of relief as Dr. Oshera removes the device and sits back up.
“You can sit up if you would like,” she tells him. Her voice is different than it was just three minutes ago. Now it’s more professional and mature- the stern, sterile tone Crosshair grew accustomed to in his youth.
Sitting up, Crosshair realizes Dr. Oshera’s face only makes him more concerned. Her expression is closed off, but his keen eyes can pick up on her micro expression. Her eyebrows are slightly pinched, her lips are tight and straight, but Crosshair can detect the corners pulling down a fraction. Dr. Oshera looks Crosshair in his eyes as she delivers his diagnosis.
“You are experiencing a miscarriage, Crosshair.”
Crosshair pulls back in surprise.
“A misc-” he shakes his head in confusion. “But I’m not even pregnant.”
“Sometimes soon after birth the symptoms go unnoticed,” Dr. Oshera explains. “Based on what I can see, you were around two weeks along.” She scrolls through the datapad and hums. “You stated that you and Howzer have yet to have sex.”
Howzer’s name briefly snaps Crosshair out of the fog his brain is in. He jerks his head in an abortive manner.
“No,” he verifies, tone firm. “We’ve been too busy with the baby. I mean- we’ve been intimate but-” Crosshair stops as he remembers the last time he and his boyfriend had a minute alone. Howzer had kissed and licked all over Crosshair’s cunt. He had cooed and sighed about how beautiful and strong he was. After Crosshair came with a breathy gasp, Howzer jerked off onto his flushed pussy.
“Howzer-” Crosshair cuts himself off and flushes. This is his gyno, a doctor well aware of sex and the like, but he’s a little shy to admit the acts he’s been up to. “He…finished and his semen landed on my vulva.” Crosshair pauses and bites his lip in thought. “I didn’t know that could get me pregnant.” Dr. Oshera nods.
“It happens more often than most think.” Dr. Oshera scoots closer and lays her hand comfortingly on his knee. “I am so sorry, Crosshair.”
“Oh yeah…thanks,” Crosshair sighs out. He fiddles with his fingers, picking at his nails. He glances back up at his doctor. “Is there…do I need to do anything?”
“I can administer a shot for the pain and cramping,” Dr. Oshera answers. “It’s a complete miscarriage-all the tissue is gone, and your uterus is empty, you can go home if you wish.”
“Will this affect Pasithea in any way?” Crosshair asks, fretting over his baby’s well-being as always. “I’m still breastfeeding, and she’s recovering from a cold.”
“She should be fine,” Dr. Oshera assures him. “If you have any trouble producing milk, you can do skin-to-skin to increase the flow or contact Rossa if you would prefer.”
Crosshair nods along as he redresses himself. He stares down at his stained underwear- the gross, gray and bloody blob that was an embryo stares back at him. He’s reminded of when he bled while he was pregnant with Pasithea. He was panic stricken, sobbing uncontrollably at the mere idea of not having his baby. Now, he just feels…odd. There is no urgency, no wave of emotional torment as he stares down at the bloody tissue.
Crosshair scoops up the blood clots with a tissue and tosses it in the hazard bin. He clears his throat, riding himself of the uncomfortable emotion bubbling inside of him, and turns to leave. Aola holds out some paper leaflets for him.
“For you, sir,” she states. Crosshair takes them and reads over the titles.
Miscarriage: The Facts and Your Feelings, Your Feeling After Miscarriage, and Your Miscarrige.
A hand settles on his forearm. Crosshair nearly jumps. Aola squeezes his arm in comfort. Her expression is open, her eyes are empathetic and understanding.
“I’m sorry, sir,” she offers. “I have had miscarriages in the past.” She squeezes his arm in comfort again. “Please feel free to reach out to me whenever you need to.”
Crosshair wants to scoff. Wants to push her away, roll his eyes, and insist he doesn’t need anyone. Instead he nods and thanks her for her kind words and actions.
Batcher sits up when he opens the door to the clinic. She trots over, ever the loyal dog, and licks his hand.
“Good girl,” he whispers to her, bending slightly to rub all over her face. Batcher leans in to lick his nose. Crosshair chuckles and kisses the side of her face. “Sweet puppy.” He slips a toothpick in his mouth to worry it as he makes his trek back home.
Walking back into his house, Crosshair can hear his ori’vod cooing and baby talking to his daughter.
“Mesh’la ik’aad’ika,” Echo sing songs. “Ner cyar’ika vodu’ad.” Pasithea makes one of her many adorable baby sounds. Crosshair peeks his head around the corner to look into the living room.
Echo has Pasithea in his arms, holding her up by her armpits so he can bring her to his face. He’s smiling softly at her, moving her head along with hers, copying her movements. Pasithea has one hand tucked in her mouth, gurling and squeaking around it, while the other one reaches for her ba’vodu.
Echo cheers out in victory as Pasithea grabs her favorite body part in other people-and Batcher- the nose. She huffs out happily as Echo bounces her up and down.
“Such a smart little girl too,” Echo adds. He brings her to his face and kisses her nose. Pulling back, Echo smiles down at her with a serene expression on his face. “Ner mesh’la vodu’ad. I’m so thankful you take after your mother.” Crosshair rolls his eyes as he pushes himself off the wall. Pasithea notices him first and cries out, waving her arms at him.
“I’ll have you know her father was handsome as well,” Crosshair corrects. He tuts as he shakes his head in faux disappointment. ”I thought I knew you, Echo.”
“I’m afraid i never met Mayday,” Echo responds. “But I’m sure he must have been at least fetching for you to let him in that cold interior of yours, vod.”
Sometimes reminders of Mayday sting, but Crosshair is proud of the progress he has made. He tells stories about the man he loved, shows off the necklace he gifted him, and shares personal anecdotes about the commander.
“Well, both Mayday and Howzer are very pretty to me,” Crosshair says, tone light and teasing.
“Which one’s prettier?” Echo asks as a shit eating smirk forms onto his face. Crosshair gasps and puts his hands on his hips, jutting his hip out.
“That is like asking me which one of my vode is my favorite!”
“Oh, you’re my favorite, I’ve never hidden that fact,” Echo replies back quickly. Crosshair falls into giggles as he internally preens about his status as Echo's favorite. Echo laughs along with him, jostling Pasithea as he does.
Pasithea angrily shrieks out, tears poking at the corners of her eyes as she makes grabby hands towards Crosshair. He comes closer and lifts her into his arms. She continues crying as she nuzzles into his breast, clutching his top.
“Oh my poor ka’ra’ika,” Crosshair coos as he kisses the top of her head. He brushes a finger through her silver streak of hair. “Did you miss Mama? I missed you too! Was that naughty Ba’Vodu Echo mean to my Pasithea?” Echo scoffs.
“She was perfectly content right up until the second you walked in,” he explains. He stands and comes over to stand in front of Crosshair. Batcher nips at his hand, and he pats her head while focusing on Crosshair. “How was your appointment? Everything okay?”
“Oh yeah,” Crosshair answers a little too quickly. “I heard Omega went out fishing with Wrecker yesterday. Glad to hear she’s feeling better.”
A hand clasps on Crosshair’s shoulder. Looking back into his ori’vod’s eyes, Crosshair sees him sporting a serious expression.
“Now Cross’ika,” Echo begins, his voice soft like he’s talking to a startled animal. “I know you, vod’ika. You may have a steel expression, but I can always tell whenever something is bothering you.” Crosshair swallows around the lump forming in his throat.
“Because you’re my big brother?” Crosshair jokes, a mechanism to avoid exposing himself or discussing uncomfortable topics. Echo smirks and tilts his head from side to side.
“Well that is one reason, yes,” Echo confirms. “But also because I can see it in your eyes.” Crosshair hums and glances away towards Pasithea’s nursery. His breast has been telling him she needs to eat for about twenty minutes now. He nods towards her nursery.
“We can talk while she eats,” he suggests. It gives him something to do with his hands. “My left tit feels like it’s about to combust.” Echo snorts and rolls his eyes. He follows Crosshair down the hall and into Pasithea’s nursery. Crosshair lays Pasithea on the changing table first. He shushes her unhappy squeal and quietly reassures her as he wipes her clean.
“All clean now, precious baby,” Crosshair coos as he snaps her onesie back. He cradles her in his arms and makes his way to the rocker. Pasithea wiggles as she nuzzles her face in his breasts, her mouth trying and failing to latch on; she squawks out in protest and beats her fists as hard as she can against her mother’s chest to let Crosshair know what she wants-like he can’t tell.
“Hold on, hold on,” Crosshair huffs, using one hand to slip out a sleeve and expose a breast. Pasithea begins crying in earnest when she sees her meal dangling just out of her reach. Crosshair scoffs in disbelief as he sits her up to situate her.
“Dramatic things,” he says to himself, voice full of fondness. She curls further into herself as her mouth finds his nipple. Pasithea latches on and begins nursing greedily.
“Not so fast, darling,” Crosshair says to her. Her eyes flick up to meet his. He smiles down at her and strokes her tummy with his finger. “You’ll get a tummy ache.” Pasithea only grunts and lifts a hand to knead his breast. He huffs out a laugh. “Okay then, suit yourself.” A small snort makes his head jerk back up.
Echo is leaning against the wall, silent and smiling as he watches them. Crosshair appreciates how Echo can exist in silence, how he doesn’t feel a need to fill the space with useless drawl or how he is always there for him. Crosshair purses his lips and looks back down at his nursing daughter.
“I had a miscarriage,” he admits. He feels the odd weight slightly lift from his chest. He hears Echo inhale sharply then the sound of his cybernetics as he comes closer to bend in front of him. Echo settles his hands on Crosshair’s knees.
“Cross’ika…” Echo exhales. “Oh, vod’ika…oh my sweet, Cross’ika. I am so sorry.” Echo’s shaky voice and loving words nearly break him, but Crosshair is able to keep it together. He clears his throat and dabs at his eyes to wipe away the wetness. Hearing Crosshair’s sniffle, Echo pulls himself up and cradles him. “It’s okay, ner dral vod’ika.”
“I didn’t even know I was pregnant,” Crosshair whispers. Echo squeezes him then cups his cheek.
“What do you need, Cross?” He asks. Crosshair leans further into his older brother’s hand.
“Could you…” Crosshair trails off as he points to the giant nexu plush propped up in the corner. “You sit there, and I can sit in your lap?” Crosshair’s request feels childish, but Echo has always promised to support Crosshair as much as he could.
“Of course,” Echo answers immediately, already positioning himself on the nexu. Crosshair stands, patting Pasithea’s bottom when she makes a noise, and sits himself on his brother’s lap. He curls in on himself as much as possible with Pasithea at his breast. She unlatches briefly at the new position, but her mouth finds his nipple easily, and she continues eating happily. Echo tucks him under his neck and rubs up and down his back.
“You’ll be okay, vod’ika,” Echo reassures him, bending his head to kiss the top of Crosshair’s head. “I’m here for you, Crosshair.” His organic hand comes up to scratch through Crosshair’s hair. Crosshair hums at the feeling and closes his eyes.
Batcher stalks over and lays her head on Crosshair’s thigh. He reaches out and pets her up and down her crest. She rumbles happily- moving her head so Crosshair can reach different spots. Echo sings a song that Crosshair recognizes. His lips quirk up to form a small smirk- it’s the one he sang whenever Crosshair was sad.
Crosshair fully relaxes in his ori’vod’s care. Pasithea pops his nipple out of her mouth and releases a sleepy sigh as her eyes shut. Batcher slumps fully into his body and licks him where her tongue can reach- his fingers, tummy, and forearm. Echo kisses his temple.
“Have you eaten?” Echo asks.
“Breakfast this morning, yeah,” Crosshair nods against his big brother’s chest. “I’m not too hungry.”
“You need to eat, Cross’ika,” Echo interjects, his tone firm and no nonsense. Crosshair rolls his eyes.
“I didn’t say I wasn’t going to,” he defends himself. “I just don’t want a big lunch.”
“Ah,” Echo sighs. “Well, what does sound good?” Crosshair licks his lips in thought. He turns his body around to give Echo his best I’m-the-baby-of-the-batch-Echo-give-me-what-I-want eyes.
“Grilled cheese with pretzels and a soda to drink?” Crosshair bats his lashes to really sell it. “Pleaseeee?”
“Of course,” Echo presses their foreheads together in a keldabe kiss. He assists Crosshair in getting up. Crosshair gently lays Pasithea in her crib (which she has yet to sleep in since neither Crosshair nor Howzer can stand the thought of her being so far away…across the hall in the room that is three feet away). She snuffles as she stretches out, but she doesn’t wake.
“Do you mind keeping an ear out for her?” Crosshair requests, turning on the baby monitor and handing it to Echo. “I’d like to shower before my night out.” Echo smiles as he takes the monitor and tucks it in the waistband of his pants.
“I’ve heard you're going somewhere very special tonight,” Echo teases. “Take your time, but not too long.” Echo wags his finger. “You wouldn’t want to eat a cold grilled cheese.”
“Yes buir,” Crosshair teases in return, playfully sticking out his tongue.
The hot, steamy shower helps Crosshair feel much better than he was. In preparation for his date, Crosshair makes sure to exfoliate and wash his body with the star cherry soap Howzer loves. He stands in the middle of his closet, tapping his foot, and searches for what would be the perfect outfit for tonight. Smirking, Crosshair decides to wear something similar to the one he wore during his and Howzer’s first “date” on Chandrilla.
He lays out the soft, pink, handmade knit sweater, dark blue tights, and brown ankle boots out. He tries his outfit on, just to see if it still fits after his pregnancy. It’s a little tight around his lower abdomen, but other than that, it fits near perfectly.
Crosshair pokes his head in the nursery to check in on Pasithea. She has her thumb resting against her lips as she coos in her sleep. Batcher is laying next to the crib; she lifts her head and wags her little nub when she sees Crosshair. He bends to scratch her chin and whispers to let her know what a good girl she is.
A plate of grilled cheese sandwiches, pretzels, and sunberries sits on the kitchen counter. Next to it rests a can of coconut soda. Crosshair sits in one of the counter chairs and bites into one of the sandwiches. He hums as the gooey cheese melts in his mouth and stretches from the bread to his mouth. Echo snorts, coming over as he wipes his hands with a towel.
“Is it satisfactory?” He asks. Crosshair, mouth too full to talk, hums and nods. Echo laughs and wraps his arm around his shoulder. “I went ahead and put some of your laundry in the washer. Oh! I also put the sheets in the dryer for you.”
“Thank you, ori’vod,” Crosshair says. He leans into Echo and sighs. “You can go now, I’ll be okay.”
“Yeah?” Echo tilts his head. “If you’re sure.” Echo kisses his baby brother’s temple. “Comm if you need anything; I love you, Cross’ika.”
“I love you too,” Crosshair replies, taking Echo’s organic hand in his and squeezing.
Crosshair returns to his work room to continue working on Howzer’s shirt. Pasithea wakes up, so Crosshair changes her, wraps her up in a sling, and takes her out for a walk. Batcher bounds alongside them as they stroll through the peaceful, secure countryside of Naboo. Crosshair stops at the lake three clicks behind their house and eases Pasithea in.
He sits on the bank with his baby in his lap, letting the water graces her tiny toes. Pasithea giggles and reaches out to slap her hands in the water. Her cute giggles morph into belly laughs once Batcher begins splashing around. Crosshair records her on his data pad and sends the videos to Howzer and his vode.
Pasithea whines as Crosshair stands and fits her back in the sling. She reaches up and grips the necklace hanging from Crosshair’s neck-Mayday’s necklace. Crosshair only takes it off to shower, and Pasithea often holds it in her little hand; she holds either the necklace or his earlobe, her comfort items as she nurses.
“That was your father’s necklace,” Crosshair tells her. “Maybe one day when you’re older, I’ll pass it down to you.” Crosshair coos and baby talks to her the rest of the way as they trek back home. Crosshair is nursing her when he hears Howzer’s speeder pull up.
“Daddy’s here,” Crosshair tells his baby. She pops off his nipple and mewls in frustration. She quickly switches to the other breast. “It’s a little early…he must’ve taken off early.” Crosshair talks as Pasithea eats.
His heart beats faster in his chest as he spots Howzer from the window. The need to be wrapped up in his boyfriend’s arms is becoming suddenly unbearable to endure.
“Hey tranyc’ika,” Howzer greets warmly as he walks through the door. “How was your-“
Howzer doesn’t get the rest of his sentence out as Crosshair all but falls into his arms. Howzer hums in confusion but easily cuddles up to his love. Crosshair sighs and tucks his face into his alor’ad’s neck, wanting to stay there-safe and secure- forever. Howzer’s hand comes up to rub his back.
“Is everything…okay?” Howzer asks. Crosshair hums and nods, keeping his neck where it rests.
“Yeah…” he halfway lies. He’s not really affected by the miscarriage. He just…doesn’t want to think about it anymore. Howzer is excited for tonight, Crosshair doesn’t want to ruin everything by being needy and emotional.
Crosshair brings his face out and kisses Howzer on the lips. Howzer cups the back of his neck and tilts his head, deepening the kiss. Pasithea, who Crosshair felt unlatch about ten seconds ago, huffs out and squirms.
“Sorry precious girl,” Crosshair apologizes. He moves to rest her on his shoulder. Howzer’s nervous frown brightens into a grin as his eyes meet Pasithea’s.
“Hello there, ka’ra’ika!” He coos happily, reaching out for her. He takes her into his arms and rubs her back. “How is my baby girl, huh? You have a good day with your Mama?” Pasithea grips onto Howzer’s nose and squeezes. Howzer snorts and kisses her face.
“She has had a great day,” Crosshair confirms. He details Pasithea’s day- sleeping, eating, doing her tummy time- then makes a request. “She’s due for another nap soon, and you mentioned we don’t need to leave for some time now.” Crosshair leans into his boyfriend’s body. “Could we take a nap together?” Howzer laughs and kisses his temple.
“I don’t see why not.”
Pasithea whines as her Daddy lays her in the bed. Crosshair coos and brings her hand to his lips to press kisses to her palm. She rewards him with a gummy smile and wiggles her limbs excitedly.
“Our sweet baby might need help falling asleep,” Crosshair says, looking back at Howzer as he strips his clothes off.
“Will she?” He slides onto the bed, eyebrow cocked in confusion. Crosshair nods as he rests his head on his hand and lays on his side. He tickles her tummy, earning a sweet giggle.
“She needs Daddy to sing to her,” Crosshair answers. Howzer laughs and shakes his head in fond exasperation. Nevertheless, he lays in the same position as Crosshair across from him and strokes Pasithea’s hair.
Howzer’s voice is still a little shaky, but he is no longer unsure. He sings to Pasithea almost every night, rocking her in his arms as he does. Crosshair watches, his heart clenching, as Pasithea’s eyelids become heavier and heavier. Crosshair also finds himself growing sleepy. Slowly, the baby falls asleep, her sweet tiny nose letting out puffs of air. Howzer laughs softly and reaches over to cup Crosshair’s cheek.
“Your turn, mesh’la,” he strokes Crosshair’s face gently. “Close those pretty eyes, cyare.” Crosshair does as his boyfriend asks, leaning further into his hand and smirking.
“Keep singing,” Crosshair mumbles, halfway to dreamland already. “Please.” He sighs in bliss as he feels Howzer kiss his eyelids.
“As you wish.”
Crosshair can’t quite make out the words to the song Howzer sings for him, but it feels comforting and warm- exactly what he needs.
Crosshair groans as he peels his eyes open. Glancing at the chronometer on his nightstand, he slept nearly two hours. Grunting, he pulls himself up to sit up and smiles as Batcher looks over her shoulder at him.
“Hi puppy,” he holds his hand out as she shuffles forward. “Did you sleep well Batcher?” She excitedly wiggles her butt and nuzzles against him. Crosshair huffs out a laugh and kisses in between his dog’s eyes. Batcher somehow gets even more excited and nearly knocks him back into the bed. “Silly girl, silly girl.” Batcher slobbers all over his face; Crosshair tenderly nudges her off. “Okay, okay, I love you too. Now, where’s Daddy and the baby?”
Batcher hops off the bed and bounds off towards the nursery. Crosshair follows, taking quiet steps, and peeks his head in as Batcher stalks in. Howzer is sitting with Pasithea in her rocker, offering a bottle to her. She’s tucked in his arms and whining as she wiggles away from the bottle, her face scrunched in anger as she mewls in annoyance.
“Come now, ka’ra’ika,” Hozwer coos to her. “You need to eat. Mommy’s still sleeping, ik’aad’ika.” Pasithea squeals out in aggravation.
“Quit tormenting my precious baby,” Crosshair chastises. Howzer’s head snaps up. At the same time, Pasithea moves her head towards the sound of his voice, a smile making its way on her face as he comes closer. “Come here, baby girl,” Crosshair coos as he whisks her away from her mean daddy. Pasithea's breaths come out in quick, enthusiastic puffs as he cradles her. He bends down to kiss her cheeks, nose, and lips. She giggles and places her hands on both of Crosshair’s cheeks. “You hungry? Yeah? Let’s eat.” Crosshair slips out a nipple and laughs when she latches and immediately begins suckling with fervor.
“Spoiled thing,” Howzer comments, standing and guiding Crosshair to sit in the rocker. “You spoil her.” Crosshair gasps in offense.
“My daughter is not spoiled!” He defends her. He looks down at her, into her beautiful brown eyes. “She is blessed.” Crosshair scrunches his nose as he looks back up at Howzer. “You’re one to talk! If anyone spoils her, it’s you.” Crosshair rolls his eyes and pats Pasithea’s bottom. “You’re worse than her ba’vodu’e.” Howzer hums in agreement and bends to caress her cheek. Pasithea gives him an impressive glare for a two month old. They both laugh.
“Our reservation is at six,” Howzer mentions, standing to his full height. “I’ll care for her if you’d like to get ready.”
“I’ve already showered,” Crosshair says. “I’ve got my clothes laid out, tote bag packed, and my foundation and mascara waiting for me in my nightstand.” Crosshair glances away from his baby and up at his boyfriend.
“Then I’ll go ahead and get myself ready,” Howzer bends to kiss the top of Crosshair’s head. “Your vode have already commend me asking where their cyar’ika vodu’ad is.” Crosshair snorts.
“You would think it’s been months since they’ve seen here,” Crosshair jokes. Everyone came over last night with homemade dinner (really they wanted to see the baby).
Howzer hums nonchalantly and leaves to get himself ready. Pasithea finishes nursing and coos and babbles as Crosshair gets ready. She squeals sadly when he lays her on the bed to change his clothes. Crosshair softly sings to her, and Batcher puts her front paws on the bed and leans in to tenderly nuzzle Pasithea’s hand.
Crosshair quickly dresses and applies some simple makeup. He picks Pasithea up again, who gives him a sweet, little smile, and whisks her to the nursery to pack her diaper bag.
He packs three packs of breast milk (and an extra one just in case; he’s a little anxious when it comes to her-he can’t help it). He also throws in diapers, a pacifier, some soft toys she’s fond of, and the small lurca plush Hunter gifted her.
Crosshair sits on the couch with Pasithea laying on his thighs. He plays with her hands and sings to her.
“I love Pasitheaaaa, more than she ever will know. I love Pasitheaaaa, more than she ever will know.”
“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, cyar’ika,” Howzer sighs out as he walks into the living room. Crosshair takes a sharp breath at the sight of his cyare alor’ad.
Howzer is wearing black slacks with a matching black plain top. He’s wearing the khaki colored leather number jacket with the chic collar he bought a week or so ago along with some sleek black clothes. His hair is ruffled the way he knows drives Crosshair crazy, and he has trimmed the side of his head. Howzer steps closer, and Crosshair gets a whiff of the cologne his boyfriend prefers.
“You like what you see?” Howzer teases, coming over to nuzzle his nose against Crosshair’s cheek. “I know I do.” Crosshair hums and turns to kiss Howzer’s lips. He chuckles when he tastes the mint chapstick on his lips. He cups Howzer’s face, using his fingers to gently trace Howzer’s scars, and deepens their kiss.
“You look so pretty, me’suum’ika,” Crosshair compliments his boyfriend. Howzer’s pretty cheeks pinken as he blushes. He glances away bashfully. “Ooooohhh? Do I not praise you enough, ner cyare alor’ad?” Howzer grins as he brings his hand up to pinch Crosshair’s nose.
“Stop it,” he charities, grinning wide enough to show off his teeth. He jerks his head towards the door and lifts Pasithea’s speeder seat. “We’d better get going.”
Pasithea lets her parents know of her displeasure of being stuffed in her speeder seat, making growling sounds as her Daddy buckles her in. Crosshair bites his lip to conceal his giggles as he records the moment on his datapad. Batcher whines and nudges her head against Howzer’s arm, wanting him to leave her baby alone.
“She’s fine, Batcher,” Howzer huffs after a rather rough nudge. He finishes buckling her in and stands. Pasithea’s upset sounds cease as she curiously looks around from a new point of view.
They clamber into the speeder, Batcher tags along as well, and slowly drive towards the other’s house. Crosshair wants to tell Howzer he can go faster, but he knows it’s a futile effort- Pasithea will be five before he reaches a speed over twenty miles an hour with her in the speeder. Coming up on the house, Crosshair and Howzer both bark out a laugh at the sight of all five of Crosshair’s ori’vod waiting on the front porch.
“There she is!” Hunter calls out as he steps off the porch. Crosshair gathers Hunter pulled rank to be the one to get Pasithea first.The others follow at a slower pace. “Hi, ik’aad! Have you missed your Ba’vodu Hunter?” He lifts Pasithea from her seat and holds her up to his face. Pasithea huffs and waves her limbs around in excitement. Hunter beams as he cradles her in his arms. He plays with her fingers, leans down to gum at her cheek, and kisses her hands. The others circle around him, smiling and cooing at their niece.
“Hello there, Pasithea,” Tech greets her, voice and face soft, something he reserves for her and her mother. “You look very sweet today.”
“Hi honey cakes!” Wrecker bellows. Pasithea is unfazed by her loudest, biggest uncle. Her eyes flick to his and she coos. Batcher hops out of the speeder and bounds up to Wrecker. He laughs heartily and pats the hound’s side.
“Let me hold her Hunter,” Omega requests, reaching out for her niece. Hunter gently transfers the baby to her aunt’s arm. Omega brings Pasithea up to her shoulder and nuzzles the baby’s head. “It’s nice to see you again, ik’aad. I’ve missed you…and I’m sorry I got you sick.” Pasithea coos and pats where her hand rests.
“She forgives you,” Howzer comments, coming behind Omega and tapping Pasithea’s hand. Crosshair smiles and notices Tech’s goggles emitting a red light-he’s recording this moment. He startles slightly when a hand lands on his shoulder. Echo leans in to brush his mouth against his ear.
“How are you doing, Cross’ika?” Echo whispers. Crosshair nods and flashes Echo a smile. He figures it must not look very convincing as Echo pouts. Crosshair ignores his look and hands over her diaper bag.
“Everything she should need is in here,” he tells his older brother. “She will need to eat again in about two hours or so. She has plenty of diapers, bottles, and toys, but if you need anything else, the back door is unlocked.”
“Pasithea will be fine, Cross,” Hunter assures him as he presses their foreheads together. He brings a hand up to lovingly run his finger across the baby’s white streak of hair. Omega only sighs as Hunter takes their niece into his arms. “We’re going to have so much fun together, ner ik’aad vodu’ad.”
“We should be back around ten,” Howzer promises, thumping Hunter on the back. “We politely ask her to be asleep when we return.”
“No need to fret,” Tech shakes his head. “Crosshair has already shared with me Pasithea’s routine. At six-thirty, she will be bathed in a warm lavender bath and lotioned afterwards. Then she will be given another bottle-warmed up with the bottle warmer-and burped by rubbing her back, not patting. Pasithea prefers listening to music while being rocked to sleep, so I have taken the liberty to download-”
“My favorite songs onto your datapad to ensure she is as comfortable as possible,” Crosshair finishes for his twin. He smirks. “I know she’ll be out like a light by eight on the dot.” Tech nods in agreement.
“Precisely.”
“Alright everyone,” Echo interrupts with his hands out. “Let’s cut the chatter and let the love birds go on their date.” Echo gives the glaring Crosshair and the blushing Howzer a shit eating grin.
“Have fun you two!” Wrecker cheers as he brings them both in his arms and lifts them into a hug. He drops them and gives them a wink. “But not too much fun, right? Pasithea doesn’t need a vod’ika so soon!”
Crosshair knows Wrecker is joking and that he is clueless as to what happened to him earlier today, but his heart sinks at the statement. He sees Echo tense from the corner of his eye. Howzer chuckles alongside Wrecker.
“Don’t worry, Wrecker, we’ll play it safe,” Howzer jokes in return, winking at Crosshair. Wrecker groans and makes gagging sounds.
“Grow up,” Crosshair snips. Crosshair bends to kiss Pasithea’s cheek. She turns her head to him and smiles. “Bye-bye, ka’ra’ika. I’ll be back; you be good for your ba’vodue.”
“She’s always good,” Omega pipes up to defend the baby. “Pasithea is the sweetest baby in the entire galaxy! Aren’t you, ik’aad’ika?” At the sound of her aunt’s cooing, Pasithea twists her body and beams down at her.
Crosshair kisses her cheek and runs his finger through her hair. Pasithea turns to him and smiles even brighter, reaching towards him. She holds his finger for a moment, then Crosshair steps back to climb into the speeder. Pasithea’s little face falls as he gets further away. As he sits down in the driver’s seat- she makes a sad sound and reaches out for him with both arms.
It nearly shatters his heart.
“Come along, Pasithea,” Tech swoops in to take her into his arms. “I have purchased you a miniature, colorful red ball jet organ.” He walks her up the porch steps and into the house; Pasithea looks up at him and grabs onto his chin. Batcher, Omega, and Wrecker follow them in. “It plays some popular children’s songs, and I thought you might enjoy making music while doing your tummy time. I have tested the instrument to discover its true capabilities. So far I have been able to play, Lapti Nek, Jedi Rocks, Mad About Me, Dobra Doompa-”
“She’ll be okay, vod’ika,” Hunter assures his younger brother who is frowning sadly. “She’ll be too spoiled to be sad.” Crosshair huffs and shakes his head. Howzer hopes into the passenger seat and says his goodbyes.
“Have fun!” Echo calls out as Crosshair begins driving away. “Be safe! Comm if you need anything!”
Echo’s voice drowns out as they get farther and farther away. Howzer grins and throws his arm around Crosshair’s shoulder.
“I hope you’re in the mood for seafood,” Howzer comments, squeezing where his shoulder rests. “I’ve got us a table at Fi-Fi Purr’s.” Crosshair’s eyebrows jump up in surprise.
“That place is exclusive,” he sighs in disbelief. “How’d you manage to get us a table?” Howzer smirks and winks.
“Your twin is a hacker.”
Howzer makes easy conversation as they make their way to their first event of the night. Crosshair nods, hums, and grunts in response. One of the many things Crosshair loves about Howzer is how he doesn’t have to talk around him. Howzer isn’t constantly nudging his shoulder and going, “what’s wrong?”, “is everything okay?”, "talk to me, Cross’ika”. He can sit and listen without having to contribute to the conversation. Then, whenever he feels the want or need to talk, Howzer is right there for him.
Plus, Howzer’s talking distracts him from his own mind’s ruminations.
They have to park a few blocks away from the restaurant, and Crosshair grumbles about the long walk. Howzer laughs good naturedly and clasps their hands together. Crosshair tells Howzer about the few things he has added to Pasithea’s journal- her first hat, her little hand and foot prints, pictures of her, a list of her favorite things-and how he’s working on a few projects to keep his hands working for when he starts his job.
“I might see if I can work from home,” Crosshair ponders out loud as they walk into the fancy restaurant. “I’m already anxious at the thought of leaving Pasithea all day.” Howzer informs the hostess of their name and leads Crosshair to their seat, a small table on the balcony surrounded by arches of roses. They sit and order drinks, bourbon for Howzer and a sweet wine for Crosshair, then continue their conversation.
“I’m sure Munti wouldn’t have a problem with that,” Howzer shrugs. He reaches his hand over the table to hold Crosshair’s. He rubs his thumb across his knuckles. “However, we’ll need to do something about that anxiety. Maybe look into a mind healer for you.”
“Maybe…” Crosshair trails off and looks away into the bright night life of Naboo. He has never truly trusted doctors. The ones on Kamino stripped him to poke and prod at him, the ones with the Empire experimented on him for their own research, and Hemlock tortured him just for the fucking fun of it. Crosshair trusts Dr. Elara, Tech, and any other of the OBGYN’s he’s seen over the past year, but a mind healer is a little too close to the manipulative demagolka.
“Let’s not focus on that right now, yeah?” Howzer suggests. He waves his arm in a circle above him. “Talk about a nice view, huh?”
“It is,” Crosshair agrees easily. Between the mood lighting, quiet music, and romantic ambiance, this is shaping up to be the best place Crosshair has ever been. “Oh Howzer,” he sighs out. “It’s too nice…you shouldn’t have.” Howzer leans in to kiss up and down Crosshair’s face, making him giggle like a schoolgirl.
“I wanted to,” Howzer admits, bringing Crosshair’s hand to his lips. “I wish to give you the galaxy and more, ner mesh’la trancy’ika.”
Crosshair orders the seared scallop piccata and Hozwer the shrimp cocktail. They laugh, chatter, and sigh through their dinner. Crosshair rubs his ankle against Howzer’s under the table. Howzer hand feeds Crosshair a few bites of his meal and insists they need to order dessert. He picked out the perfect one, a meluroon cobbler, which pairs with his wine. Crosshair feels giddy with all the thought and care Howzer has put into this night.
Howzer scoops up the cobbler with his fork and hand feeds Crosshair each bite, only taking a few for himself. Teasingly, Crosshair wraps his lips around the fork and makes sure his tongue is visible as he takes the dessert in his mouth. Howzer teases back in his own way, leaning in to steal a kiss each time Crosshair swallows.
“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum,” Crosshair sighs into Howzer’s lips as he gives him another sensual kiss.
“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum,” Howzer repeats. He quickly and quietly pays the bill before practically dragging Crosshair out of the restaurant. Crosshair grunts as he stumbles on the street.
“Sorry, cyar’ika,” Howzer apologies, pressing an apology kiss onto his cheek. “We need to be at our next destination soon, and I don’t want you to miss it.”
“Oh?” Crosshair tilts his head in curiosity. “Where are we going?”
“The royal gardens.”
It is already dark by the time they enter the gardens, and the moon is slowly beginning to rise in the horizon. Howzer is oddly quiet, his eyebrows scrunched in worry, as he nearly runs through the stone pathway. They pass red millaflowers, canary yellow sunnydews, and lavender rominarias. Crosshair smiles at the sight of all the flowers; call him sappy, but he loves flowers, and his heart soars that Howzer has taken him somewhere he knows he will enjoy.
Howzer stops in front of a large, white, circular gazebo. Inside is a small pillar situated right where the moon’s beams will hit it. On top of the pillar sits an emerald green stem. Crosshair excitedly recognizes the plant.
“It’s a moonbeam flower,” Howzer begins explaining. “They bloom when in the light of the moon. Extremely rare, and when I heard there was one here on Naboo…” Howzer pauses to clasp both of Crosshair’s hands. “I know I wanted to show you.”
“Oh Howzer…” Crosshair feels his eyes well with tears. “You are too thoughtful, me’suum’ika.” Howzer kisses the apple of his cheek.
“Eyes on the flower, baby boy,” Howzer says as he uses his fingers to move Crosshair’s jaw.
The moon rises into the sky fully and shines down upon them. As the beam reaches the stem, it moves, reaching upwards and growing taller. Crosshair watches in fascination and awe as it blooms. The pistil is a deep violet purple. As the petals unfurl, they reveal themselves to be a shining silver, almost molten, with light, near indiscernible blue tips. The flower stretches to fully face the moon.
“It’s beautiful…” Crosshair whispers in reverence.
“It is,” Howzer agrees. Crosshair still has his eyes locked onto the moonbeam, but he sees Howzer start kneeling beside him. Why he is doing that, Crosshair has no idea. He also has no idea why he feels compelled to speak at this moment, but he does.
“I had a miscarriage,” Crosshair blurts out. There is a thump next to him as Howzer lands on his ass. He scrambles up to slowly and gently cup Crosshair’s cheeks.
“Mesh’la,” Howzer says, quietly. “Oh, Crosshair, oh my love.” Howzer tucks Crosshair into his chest and rocks him back and forth. “I am so sorry, my love. Oh. I’m so sorry.” Crosshair cannot stop the way his lip begins wobbling, nor can he delay how the tears begin streaking down his face. He sobs out as he grips Howzer closer.
Howzer lowers them to the ground and continues to rock him. He shushes his cries and kisses where his lips can reach. He rubs a comforting hand up and down his back and back and forth across his stomach. Howzer hums a song softly.
Eventually, Crosshair is able to dry his tears.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier,” he croaks out, his voice raspy. “I wanted to quit thinking about it.”
“I understand,” Howzer gracefully says. “Could you tell me about it now?”
Crosshair details his day- the cramps, the doctor’s visit, how he didn’t even know he was pregnant, Echo- and Howzer listens with open ears and an understanding heart. Crosshair finishes his story, assuring Howzer he was perfect physically, then tucks his face into his boyfriend’s neck.
“How…how do you feel about it?” Howzer asks, tone hesitant.
“I don’t want another baby right now, but…I don’t know why I feel…a little sad,” Crosshair confesses.
“You went through something traumatic,” Howzer offers. “Even if you didn’t plan nor want another baby, a miscarriage is a traumatic experience.” Howzer kisses his temple. “What would you like to do, ner mesh’la cyare? I need to pamper you.” Crosshair takes another look at the moonbeam.
“I want to go home,” he answers. “I want to lay in the bed with you and snuggle while we watch some silly, trashy holo that makes me laugh.” Howzer huffs out a laugh.
“I think that sounds like the perfect way to end the night.”
Howzer drives them back, and Crosshair’s ori’vode look disappointed and surprised to see them back so soon. Pasithea is sound asleep; her thumb tucked in her mouth while she clutches her lurca plush tight. Batcher bounces around Crosshair’s legs, so incredibly happy to see him again.
The couple thank them for their help and return home. CrosshaIr walks into their bedroom and stills at the scene Howzer has prepared for him. He doesn’t have much experience with romance, but he’s seen some holos and read some books. He can tell the scene in front of him is a grand romantic gesture, probably the biggest one he’s seen.
There are small candles lit around the room, flickering and casting a soft glow throughout the bedroom. Wildflower petals, colored blue, pink, yellow, purple, and red, are scattered on the floor, creating a path that leads to the bed. Some petals are sprinkled on the bed as well in the shape of a heart. On his pillow and scattered sparingly through the room is Crosshair’s favorite herb. Crosshair sadly pouts and looks over to Howzer.
“I’m so sorry this is going to waste, alor’ad,” Crosshair leans into his boyfriend’s space. Howzer shrugs and kisses his temple.
“It’s not going to waste,” he assures him. “We’ll still be sleeping in here.”
Pasithea remains asleep as Crosshair lays her in her bassinet and goes to change. He puts on his cashmere pajama set and slinks into the bed. Batcher hops in and lays at Crosshair feet. Howzer, only wearing his boxers, slides in beside him and holds him close.
“You pick the movie, mesh’la,” he says, handing his datapad over for Crosshair to take. Crosshair scrolls for a second before clicking on a comedy he’s heard Hunter mention before.
It’s a fine movie. It’s funny enough, keeps his attention, and takes his mind off his troubles. Crosshair fully relaxes in Howzer’s arms. Howzer rests his lips on the back of Crosshair’s neck, occasionally kissing him there sweetly. Crosshair has both of Howzer’s hands in his and had them tucked against his chest. Neither of them say much, they’re enjoying being together.
At the climax of the rom com, the male lead gets down on one knee and proposes. Crosshair smirks as he throws his head back to address his boyfriend.
“When are you going to do that?” He teases. Crosshair isn’t expecting a real answer, he’s only joking with his boyfriend;however, Howzer wiggles out and reaches for his nightstand. He opens the drawer and pulls out a deep velvet ring box. Crosshair is speechless as Howzer pops it open and holds it out for him.
Inside is a silver ring in the shape of a crescent moon. Delicate moonstones lay inside the crescent shape with simmering diamonds aligned on the outside. It’s gorgeous.
“Howzer…” Crosshair whispers, mouth agape in shock.
“I was getting down on one knee when you told me about your day,” Howzer explains. He hesitates to take the ring out of the box. “I know we haven’t known each other long, but I am in love with you, Crosshair. My heart is full in your presence, and my soul only sings for you, ner mesh’la cyar’ika.” Howzer takes the golden ring out of the box and holds it out towards Crosshair. “This may be unconventional, but…Kelir gar riduurok ni?”
“Yes.” Crosshair answers immediately, snapping his head up to look Howzer in the eyes. “Yes, yes, yes, yes!” Crosshair lunges forward to cup Howzer’s cheek and kisses him deeply on the mouth. He strokes his facial scars lovingly as he tilts his head back and forth. Howzer cups Crosshair’s cheeks in return and nips his bottom lip as he passionately kisses him. Crosshair pulls away and laughs in jubilation.
“Here,” Crosshair wipes his eyes and holds out his ring finger. “Put it on.” Howzer, with matching tears streaking down his face, affectionately slides the ring on Crosshair’s finger. Crosshair grins bright as he wiggles his finger. He kisses Howzer’s lips again. “Where’s your ring?”
Howzer leans back into his drawer and pulls out a golden ring. This one is in the shape of the sun with a sunstone in the middle and diamonds adorning the rays. Crosshair takes it and slides it onto Howzer’s ring finger. He links their left hands together and pulls Howzer closer to him, and he nuzzles their noses together.
“Can we do it right now?” Crosshair asks, giddy and high from the joy he’s feeling. “Say the words right here. Please, I don’t think I can go another second not being your riduur.”
“Yes,” Howzer groans out. “Yes, of course.” Howzer presses their foreheads together and takes a deep, steading breath. “Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde.”
“Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, mhi me'dinui an, mhi ba'juri verde,” Crosshair repeats. He kisses Howzer all over his face, his scars, eyes, nose, lips, wherever he can reach. “I love you,” Crosshair whispers in between kisses. “I love you, I love you, Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum.” Howzer laughs and kisses Crosshair on the lips.
“Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum, ner trancy’ika,” Howzer states. “Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum, ner riduur.”
“Ner riduur,” Crosshair sighs out as he strokes Howzer’s cheeks. “Oh, I love you so much.” Howzer chuckles.
“So you’ve said…multiple times,” Howzer teasingly wipes his thumb across Crosshair’s bottom lip. Crosshair opens his mouth to respond when a cry interrupts him.
“Oh my sweet baby,” Crosshair coos as he lifts Pasithea from her bassinet. He pats her bottom and sways her in his arms. “Your Mommy and Daddy are married now! Isn’t that great?” Pasithea seems largely uninterested in her parents’ new development as she mewls and twists her body to nuzzle her face to his breast. “Okay, okay, eat first, then celebrate.”
Pasithea latches on and begins nursing. Howzer and Crosshair chuckle at her. Howzer slowly shuffles to sit behind Crosshair and have him lean on him. His arms come around to help support Pasithea. Crosshair leans his head back to rest on Howzer’s chest.
“Did you tell my vode about your plan?”
“No,” Howzer says. “I was worried they would spoil the surprise for you.”
“Oh, Wrecker and Omega most definitely would have,” Crosshair laughs. “We’ll invite them over for breakfast in the morning and see how long it takes for them to notice the rings.”
Batcher slinks up the bed to lay down right up against Howzer’s leg. She nuzzles it and gives it a quick, chaste lick. Howzer chortles and pats her side.
“Good dog.”
“I did have fun tonight,” Crosshair says.
“I did too,” Howzer concurs. He tilts his head to kiss Crosshiar’s cheek. “I plan to spend every second of our marriage making sure you feel loved.” Crosshair hums and leans further into Howzer.
Crosshair can hear the truth in his words and feel the conviction in his statement. He knows Howzer means every word he has said tonight- he knows he will forever be loved with Howzer.