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Gavin had seen though, what he didn’t want him to see. He grabbed his wrist before he could pull it away. “We’re gonna talk about this later.” It wasn’t a suggestion.
It was a command, and Michael didn’t know if he was ready to obey it.
It had been a week since the incident, and Michael and Gavin were getting along better than Michael originally had thought. He had assumed that Gavin was just going to be some stuck up British asshole who didn’t know what he was doing, but really, he was a ball of energy and Michael couldn’t keep up. There was just so much that Gavin could say in a minute that just flew right by Michael’s head and Gavin just didn’t mind.
“Oh, Michael!” It was the way that Gavin said his name that really made Michael fall in love. It sounded so fucking dorky and adorable and stupid and he just didn’t know anyone who could say it like that and sound as real and loving as Gavin. He had, again, invited himself over, not that his parents cared. His parents were never home anyways. Gavin just let himself in usually, since Michael told him where he kept the key. Up the tree and under a piece of the bark, marked with an M. Michael had no idea that Gavin’s flailing limbs could make their way up the tree.
“Up here!” He called down from his room, over the loud music that he turned down for Gavin. “Hey, Gavvers, what’s up?”
“Hi, boy!!” He came running in, leaping onto the bed with Michael and he wrapped his arms around his neck. “I came to see you! Remember, we have something to talk about.”
Michael had forgotten. Completely forgotten. “Gav..” His eyes widened slightly and he looked behind him at Gavin who looked quite more serious than usual.
“Michael, I told you, we were gonna talk about it.” His tone was very serious and he did not seem like he was going to give up.
“But, Gav, what if I don’t want to talk about it?” He was getting defensive, his only way of protecting himself. He didn’t know any other way. “What if I refuse?”
“You won’t.” He said it so simply that Michael thought he would actually believe him. “Because, Michael, I won’t let you refuse. I care, Michael. I want to know what’s goin’ on.”
“No, you really don’t.” He said it with a bitter huff of laughter. “You really don’t fucking want to know what’s going on, Gavin, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies like in your head.” He was getting irritated and Gavin knew how to diffuse it, but would he was the question.
“I do, Michael, I don’t care how fucking messed up you’re in there. I just want to know how I can help.” He always sounded so fucking genuine, like he really meant it. Michael thought for a second that he did really mean it, but then again, no one ever did.
“That’s the point, Gavin, you can’t help. It won’t stop me.” Michael’s voice had gone down, lowered to above a whisper.
Gavin reached out, grabbing Michael’s hands and when Michael flinched and tried to pull them away, he held on stronger. “I will help you. And it will stop you. I will find a way, Michael.” The fabric was pushed up, past the words that reminded Michael of Gavin now, every time he saw them, up to the littering of scars, some short, others long, some thin and already leaving, some deep and will never go away.
Michael held his breath and he turned around to face Gavin, even if he didn’t want to. He looked down at the words across his wrist, the words Gavin spoke to him first. Gavin rolled up his sleeve, to show his word. Michael didn’t want Gavin to worry.
“Michael, why did you do this?” He was insistent and that’s what made Michael irritated the most. Gavin took his hand, interlaced their fingers and held it there. Michael was trapped.
“It’s none of your business.” Blunt always won. He never had to deal with people if they got fed up with his bluntness.
“It is my business, Michael, I’m your soulmate! I need to know.” He kept pushing, and Michael didn’t know if he was going to snap or if he was going to break down and just tell him. He felt like he was leaning towards the latter though.
“Gavin.. I-It really just.. Doesn’t matter. I don’t matter.” Instead of looking at Gavin now, he looked down at their fingers and sighed.
“You matter to me. Doesn’t that mean something?” His voice was softer, more caring.
“It-It does.. But..” He trailed off, then tried again, “No one else does, and I know I shouldn’t fucking care, but I do for god’s sake. I do!” He could feel the hot tears building up and he didn’t want this. Not at all.
“It’s okay, Michael, it’s okay..” Gavin’s arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly, keeping him grounded. “It’s alright to need the acceptance of others, boy, I promise,” his voice was soft, making his accent deeper and it calmed Michael down.
“I just.. I don’t want to care what they think, I don’t want to care what my fucking parents think about me. They don’t fucking care!” He shouted it to nothing practically, burying his face into Gavin’s chest.
The small sobs made Gavin’s heart shatter and he pet Michael’s hair carefully, sorting through the curls with his long agile fingers. “It’s alright, Michael. You should care, since they are your parents after all. You have brothers, yeah?” He could feel the little nod from Michael in his chest and it made him wonder what the hell they did to him.
Michael sighed and lifted his head and the heat made his face go red from crying and just from being so close to someone else. “I’m sorry, Gavvers, you should go before they get here..”
Gavin shook his head, determined to make his soulmate feel better. “I’m not going anywhere until you smile for me, Michael. I don’t care if your parents come home, they can’t tell me where to go, I’m your soulmate.”
The click of the door downstairs told Michael that it was already too late anyways. “But, Gavin, they don’t know.. About.. You.” He didn’t know how to tell Gavin that he hadn’t told his parents that A) he was bisexual, and B) his soulmate was a guy anyways.
“What do you mean?” Gavin’s obliviousness annoyed Michael sometimes, now included.
“I mean, Gavin, that they don’t know that I’m into guys, or that my soulmate is a guy!”
The silence that was then brought over them caused Michael to pull his hand back and stand up, pacing now. There was an anger settling in the pit of his stomach and he wanted to get rid of it. There was only one option for him, destroy something beautiful.
He didn’t want to hurt Gavin though, but technically, he was the cause of the problem. Michael bit down on his lip, his fists clenching and unclenching.
“I can’t fucking.. I can’t deal with this. I need to punch something.”
“Michael, please, just, listen to me, let me talk.” Michael spun around and glared hard at him, but waved his hand as if to tell him to continue. “Relax, I don’t care that they don’t know. It’s fine, just tell them I’m a friend.”
“That’s the point, Gavin! I don’t have friends to them! I’m a fucking loner freak who punches things or people when he gets mad!” His face was turning a pinker color and he leaned back against the wall, trying to breathe.
Instead of saying anything, Gavin stood up, walked over, grabbed Michael’s fists, and pressed his lips against the others’. It caused Michael to tense, but he didn’t refuse. He didn’t back out.
When Gavin pulled back, Michael was wide-eyed and his face was pink with blush now, instead of anger. “Wh-”
Gavin cut him off with another little kiss, running his fingers through his hair.
“Take it easy, Michael, take it easy.”