Chapter Text
"Kids on The Lawn"
"This is so boring," you muttered under your breath. Soft winds picked up your words, ruffling your hair in the process, and carried them away until the manifestation of your thoughts diminished into nothing. That seemed to happen often. If no one was listening, if no one was around, then the words you spoke with your very own voice—the voice you taught yourself how to build with pride—might as well just be a myth. Its existence was invisible to others, just like the wind blowing during this ceremonial Saturday.
The 9th grade students were all gathered in the school gymnasium to observe their completion rights. It was not considered a graduation, only a moving-up ceremony so you did not bother to attend. You did not even bother to stand with your classmates in solidarity for one last time before each one of you went on your different ways, before you all go and enroll to different high schools. Their cries did not seem to reach you. It was a weird feeling: to realize that you were not feeling whatever you were supposed to. You should be down there, standing in the gymnasium too; your hair moving by the wind of the large ceiling fan and your eyes glued to the speaker up front. A batch-mate of yours was giving her thanksgiving speech on the stage but from this distance, you could not hear a word she said.
If you were down there in the gymnasium, in your designated position behind a boy called Smiley—who, by the way, had curly auburn locks that would have hindered your view—then maybe you would have been inspired by the speech being delivered right now. It had been this way since sixth grade, with Nahoya Kawata preceding you in the alphabetical order of surnames. During school events and assemblies, you would always be seated either beside or behind him.
Smiley was a rather flamboyant person. He was really, insanely, good at soccer. You pondered why you had never plucked up the courage to befriend him in these past five years of being classmates. You had never even uttered a single word to him. You also pondered why you thought it was a waste.
Maybe it truly was.
It was a waste not to take the opportunity to befriend Smiley. Despite having an intimidating demeanor, he was awfully friendly to everyone. He had greeted you 'hi' with a simple wave countless of times before. You weren't sure if you had waved back.
Maybe you should have started a conversation after he had greeted you.
Well, you supposed it did you no good to be thinking what you should have done. Everyone was going to go their own ways in the end, anyway. The class president, a girl named Yuzuha, would probably enroll in a more prestigious school. The basketball athletes, the ever-charismatic Haitani siblings, would join a stronger varsity team. Smiley might leave too. You could not help but sigh at the fact that you could think of a million ways on how great their lives could be, while you couldn't think of anything you wanted to do for yourself. You stood atop the school building, flailing your arms over the railings on the rooftop; waiting to be seen.
Waiting to be seen.
Waiting for something to happen.
Anything.
Just like any other mundane day where you construed different realities in your head to compensate for your lack of interest in your daily routines, nothing seemed to happen. Not one event had satisfied your unquenched thirst for amusement.
Boredom always followed you around and you were almost sure you had been cursed with a mundane life. You were turning seventeen, meaning that you already wasted seventeen years sticking your nose inside your notebook—writing notes, answering test papers, filling in the blanks. Those were all you have ever done, all you could ever do.
For fifteen fucking years, your life revolved around this large building and its academic curriculum that could drive anyone to insanity. But you had no problems regarding the hectic academic system—not really. It was the people around you—or lack thereof—that bothered you to no end.
For fifteen fucking years, you never had a friend. You never had someone to Facetime to talk for hours without really doing anything in particular; you never tried cafés and shared cheesecakes with someone; you never swapped headbands and have been given a friendship bracelet since elementary; you never had someone fix your hair for you nor tie your shoelaces when you did not notice it came undone yourself. Your loneliness showed you where the best places to eat at lunch were so that no one would notice you were eating alone. It taught you how to do projects that require at least two people alone.
Most of all, it proved to you that the best moments in life became even better when you shared it with someone else. Since you had no one to share your small accomplishments with, you never cared for any trivial award that the school would give you. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone smile for you whenever you scored perfect on a test paper? Wouldn't it be nice to look at someone from the other side of the classroom just to wave at them and they acknowledge you back?
It would be nice indeed.
Well, you had one friend. Although, you met them online so it couldn't hardly be considered a friendship, let alone an interaction. All there was is communication. Maybe that was enough. Although, once again, you wanted more. You pulled out your phone and reread your conversation.
expiredyakult:
heyy
heyyy
HOY
huy
fish:
whyt
what**
expiredyakult:
wanna go to my graduation
fish:
shitt u passed the school year??
expiredyakult:
wdym by that
fish:
"what do u mean by that" ☝️ 🤓
expiredyakult:
😒 😒
so do u wanna come
^ thats what she said LMAOO
fish:
idk when js jt
expiredyakult:
saturday
fish:
aww my yakult isnt expired anymore 😢
expiredyakult:
amen 🙏
fish:
our closing ceremony is on sat too
i dont think i can go
expiredyakult:
tf is a closing ceremony
fish:
like graduation but for yeah
expiredyakult:
what is bro saying
fish:
LIKE FOR 6TH GRADERS
THEY GRADUATE FROM
ELEMENTARY RIGHT
expiredyakult:
ye
fish:
SAME GOES FOR 12TH GRADERS
THEY GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL
expiredyakult:
👍
fish:
dont use that emoji eva again
expiredyakult:
🤓 👍
fish:
and turnover ceremonies are for
11th graders
expiredyakult:
I GET IT
ONE GOOGLE SEARCH IS ENOUGH
fish:
ihy 🙄
so yes for 9th graders, we only have
a closing ceremony
expiredyakult:
HOLD UP
UR IN NINTH GRADE TOO??
fish:
umm yes as i have just said
expiredyakult:
ahh so u call it a closing ceremony
let me rephrase
do u wanna go to my closing ceremony
fish:
i told u its my closing ceremony
on sat too 💀
expiredyakult:
send me nudes and
i'll go to ur closing ceremony
fish:
fish:
what is u awnnnn
expiredyakult:
drank too much yakult
fish:
must be expired too
expiredyakult:
im rlly committed to my brand
fish:
anyway i thought we agreed
not to meet irl
expiredyakult:
ehhhh
fish:
plus im in tokyo
expiredyakult:
NO i am in tokyo
fish:
rlly??
expiredyakult:
drop school name
fish:
no
expiredyakult:
i'll send u nudes
fish:
baby u should go and love urself
expiredyakult:
LEAVE THOSE MEMES
IN 2017
fish:
leave ME alone
u dont even wanna follow me on ig
yet u wanna meet irl
make it make sense
expiredyakult:
instagram is for noobs
fish:
why dont u try and leave discord
in 2020 too
expiredyakult:
how else am i gonna talk to u
fish:
instagram! imessage!
expiredyakult:
nuhh
imessage is for games only
btw its ur turn in cup pong
HURRY UP
fish:
whatevs
expiredyakult:
k
fish:
fine
expiredyakult:
what fine
fish:
Tokyo Manji Highschool
expiredyakult:
r u tryna dox me
fish:
thats my school dumbass
expiredyakult:
💀 💀 BRUV NAUR WAY
fish:
did u get possessed by a british man
expiredyakult:
AND UR GRADE NINE
fish:
how'd u know 😱
expiredyakult:
WHATS UR SECTION
fish:
no way
brb gotta do smthn
expiredyakult:
...
👍
After that conversation ended, which was already a week ago, you kept leaving him on seen. He knew which school you attended without knowing your real name. The thing about online-based friendships was that you could share your deepest darkest secrets and the person on the other end of the screen would not be able to associate them with an image of a real-life person. Everything you shared online could be considered a myth. Those stories, those rants, those shit-talks had no faces behind them; they were just something for the eyes to read. So when real-life intertwined with the topics of your conversation, as personal matters started to pour onto every letter and word you typed out, you felt anxious.
It was utterly funny, if not absurd, that you found it more comfortable to share your life happenings with a nameless stranger that you could never recognize if you happened to pass by him in real life. There was this certain intimacy with him—your online "best friend"—that did not particularly require you to be vulnerable. You could just share anything with him and everything would still be the same. After all, you both hid behind a screen and a fake profile.
The two of you agreed to never share your real names nor your personal information. It was easier to be comfortable with each other that way. You sticked to referring to each other as your usernames. It did not matter whether your rants were too mournful and hard to understand before, but it would soon matter if he knew who you were as a person, not just as an account.
Yet, the thrill of finding out that your online friend had been this close to you all this time made you curious. You would be lying if you said you did not want to know who he was. So, you found yourself pressing the blank space below on your phone to message him. Your fingers were typing incessantly—faster than how your brain came up with words.
fish:
meet me on the
rooftop of the
elementary building.
Not one minute had passed since you sent that text message, he already managed to reply. You were surprised not only because of his quick response, but of the fact he was ABLE to respond in the first place. Your whole batch was made aware during the ceremonial practices that the use of gadgets throughout the duration of the event was prohibited. Everyone was well reminded that cellphones were not allowed to be kept inside their pockets as soon as they entered the gymnasium. You wondered how he managed to sneak his phone in—let alone text you.
expiredyakult:
bet
Your heart was thumping against your left rib. Was it a bluff? Another one of his weightless jokes? You hoped you would not have to see an unfamiliar face greet you by the entrance to this rooftop. To the Gods you had always cursed did you unusually pray today that you'd be met with a welcoming smile, instead of prying eyes and awkward silence. And, well, thinking to yourself yet again, an unfamiliar face would actually be better than a familiar one. What if the only friend you had made—the connection you managed to uphold through the confines of your black screens—was just two feet away from you in class? You have always hated dramatic irony. You never appreciated the universe and its fondness for tricks. Perhaps, today was an opportunity for you to laugh at fate's risible schemes for a change.
You certainly had it in you to challenge the unchallengeable—a contrast to your craven convictions and willing of the mind. This was what should happen: they—whoever they end up being—will call you by your username; and you will greet them with a smile; and they will wave at you, somewhat oddly comforting and cordial. Yes, that was what would happen. You could do this. And ...
And then you heard the creak of the door, indicating that it had been opened from the inside.