Work Text:
Dazai attempted. He attempted many times. At many things. Now, while he does lust for death, that is not the most accurate picture of Dazai, as a person. He is a person, despite what he may tell you, or what he may think. A complicated man is bound to have complicated thoughts. Dazai’s mind is almost always swirling with analysis, details, plans, and every way he feels unworthy of everything he built for himself. It is not uncommon for Dazai to lament, to grieve. There are many things to mourn about. Especially when one is frequently reminded of their past in their day-to-day life.
Please cut the man some slack. Not too much slack; it’s reasonable to recognise his faults. I assure you, if you avoid putting others on a pedestal but remember that they are just like you, you’ll have an easier time with empathy. I imagine, giving others grace may well help you give yourself grace. So, if you yourself have attempted, at whatever that may be, I forgive you. I appreciate you. If you are struggling, I am here for you. If you sit in bed and rot all day, I do too. I’m trying to get better. It’s slow progress, and I imagine it is for you too. Right, back to the point, or, I suppose, he is more the subject.
Dazai is having a rough day. His body feels heavy and droopy; have you seen corn syrup? Like that. He hasn’t eaten, showered, brushed his teeth. He feels disgusting, but it doesn’t matter. Feeling that way won’t help him take care of himself. It works for some people. Not him, never him. Just another way he is othered. He can always see it. Walking into a room, being different—unusual even. He must find solace in his own company, for he has always had himself, and that alone, is the only guarentee as long as he shall live.
Throwing yourself off a bridge is easy once you’ve already tied a noose and tried that route. Fun fact! When you fail to hang yourself, you still live! Unfortunate. So, perhaps you should take your chances with a bridge. Drowning is easy; people do it every day! Tragically, that one always fails too. He bought a guide, and somehow he’s horrible at the one thing he actually wants to excel at. He is skilled. He is a genius strategist. Yet, he can’t even plan the perfect death. This flirting with his desire to end it all, is rather tantalizing. No matter the performance he plays, the one played in the end is himself. By himself. By life. A cruel prank.
Things are better now. They are. He made it so. Yet, he is here, in bed, wanting to die. He has done his best to become a good man. He has attempted to be a good man. What a joke. Any excuse to taunt Dazai, it seems. There’s a loud banging on his door, Kunikida no doubt. Shouting at Dazai through his door as if that has ever had the intended effect. For someone so dedicated, Kunikida was rather bad at recodnising when his efforts are wasted. The door to his dorm bursts open; huh, that’s interesting. Even Dazai doesn’t have the key. He lockpicks his way into his place every day. Or, every day that he leaves said place, at least.
“DAZAI, GET YOUR ASS UP; WE HAVE WORK TO DO!”
“Nope, I have the day off~”
“I assure you, you do not.”
"Well, I’m taking the day off.”
“You didn’t even call in.”
“My phone is dead.”
“That’s not a good enough excuse to not let us know you won’t be in, and you are going to work today.”
“Blehh.”
Kunikida throws the blankets off of him and drags him out of bed. Dazai, ever the helpful coworker, flops around like a marianette whose strings were cut.
Kunikida scoffs, “You need to eat more; you’re lighter than Kyouka.”
“Awww, thanks, Kunikida! I’ve been on an all-crab diet; it’s very effective.” Dazai nods his head sagely.
“It wasn’t a compliment. If you keep up on your so-called ‘diet’, I’ll have to oversee your eating habits directly.”
“Kunikida wants to watch me eat; what a creep!”
“Dazai, you are insufferable.”
“I try~”
Kunikida shakes his head and continues to drag Dazai around before he seats the man on the floor against the wall.
“The lack of furniture here is a crime.”
“Are you practicing humour right now, Kunikida?”
“I am stating facts; I’m surprised they didn’t put the state of your dorm on the list of felonies that got you arrested.”
“It’s a long list; they had to stop somewhere~”
“Why are you the way that you are?”
“I work hard to be this irritating! You should appreciate me more.”
“I believe I appreciate you just the right amount, Dazai.”
“Ughhh, leave me aloneee.”
“Nope.” Kunikida begins snooping around the kitchen and, by some miracle, procures a pan. He then pulls a carton of eggs out of a plastic bag on the counter. Hmm, Kunikida must’ve bought him groceries. He begins cooking without much fuss.
“Why are you doing this?” Dazai asks.
“Hm?”
“Why are you helping me?”
“Your scrawny ass didn’t even make it out of bed; clearly, this was the only way to get you to do your job.”
“That's not what I mean,” Dazai pauses, then elaborates, “you're cooking me food. You really don’t have to do that.”
“Despite your wishes, you can’t survive on canned crab, Dazai.”
Dazai shrugs, “Hm.” he guesses that’s all there is to it.