Chapter Text
The line-up had been announced. I was starting. From this point I could start to relax, get myself right for the game. My headphones went on, music started and I shut the world out. I prepared myself in the same way I had done for all the years I played the game.
Music on. Left sock. Right sock. Left shin pad. Right shin pad. Left boot. Right boot. Stand up. Music off.
I made my way to the tunnel, focused, with my mind set on winning. We were playing England and they had always been a tough team to play against, so we knew it was going to be a long, battling match.
Tackles were being made left, right and centre they were constantly trying to break the defence and we would not let them. Tonight the US would keep a clean sheet. And of course we did, we ended the game victorious and I played the full 90 minutes. The rush that comes from a hard earned win will never get old.
One by one the team made their way back into the changing rooms. I was the last one in. I wanted to savour the moment, keep it close; I never wanted the feeling to leave. And it didn’t. Getting changed for the bus ride to the hotel I was still on a high from winning and I still was right the way till I sat on the bus and I heard the all too common shouts of ‘well played today!’ and ‘you killed it out there’.
On the bus ride back, despite the victory and the quality we played with my mind kept going over my mistakes. The misplaced pass, the poor first touch and the breakaway we should have scored from had I not taken that extra touch. Thoughts that should only cross my mind after a loss kept spinning round in my head. To say I was mood killer that night was an understatement.
As I lay in bed I began to question my commitment to the sport that had been the one true constant in my life over the last 20 years. Friends come and go, as do lovers and jobs and all the little things in life, but the one thing, the one thing that had stayed the same and kept me going was still here. Football. Yet, here I was lying in bed considering what I could have done better, even after a loss. Some would say it is just having high expectations for yourself but me deep down inside I knew it was something more than that.
Before I drifted to sleep I made my final decision for the night, it could be the best decision I have made or the worst but only time, regret and brand new opportunities will tell.