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He hadn’t meant for this to happen.
You weren’t supposed to be there.
You weren’t supposed to save him anymore.
But here you were, bleeding out next to him in the snow, the sharp wind lashing against your open wounds, causing your unconscious body to involuntarily shiver. The giant gash in your left shoulder was turning the tundra beneath you a sickening red color as you spilled out onto it.
You had saved him from the scavenger.
He had managed to pull you away from the edge of the cracking ground, but he was still hurt badly and his vision was starting to fade. To try and stay sharp he focused in on your face and clung onto the details.
Your matted and snowy (H/C) hair, the pink that was slowly fading from your face, your eyes lifeless but open, (E/C) and motionless, still so full of shock they couldn’t seem to close, but captivating all the same. He tried to steady his vision on your trembling lips, but as they stilled, so did he.
He fell into the past, glancing up only once, to see the scar on your brow. His reminder of the last time you had saved him.
Ben Solo had been weak. You had not.
When Luke Skywalker had come so close to stopping him, so close to putting an end to his liberation, you had taken the blow.
He would never forget the look on Luke Skywalker's face when a Padawan like you, so hopeful, so promising, so close to the light-succumbed to the dark.
Ben Solo had been weak but he was sure Kylo Ren was stronger.
Snoke had agreed with him about you, and knowing you to be an ally and a great asset, he welcomed you to the first order. The Supreme Leader knew that you would be a weakness. A call to the light for Kylo Ren.
Unless you were corrupted.
Kylo had no issues helping you there. When not out in the field, or overseeing work on many different ships, planets, and military bases, he was with you- in your chambers. After a few months however, his chambers seemed to become yours as well. It only made sense, it was much easier having shared quarters, as he never again had to hunt down where they put your room on the different locations you were moved to.
You always looked so elegant draped around his furniture, with a touch better than any silk, so bold when commanding his presence, a force to be reckoned with.
And last night you were.
You had felt something.
You knew something was wrong, had had another dream. Your dreams were never wrong, but he had told you you were crazy. He had raised his voice when you when you kept trying to explain the dire situation- and he had raised his hand when you tried to defend yourself.
You crumpled to the ground, but quickly picked yourself up. You looked him straight in the eye, a cold piercing glare that went straight to his soul. You excused yourself from his chambers.
That was the last time he had spoken to you before you had come to his rescue again.
In his dreamlike haze he pondered over the past and what it meant to his future. He was unsure of so many things. What would happen to him? To you? If you died, did he really deserve to live? These thoughts swam around in his head, pulling himself further into his self loathing, and deeper into his doubt.
He was certain of one thing, however.
Ben Solo had been weak. Kylo Ren was weaker.