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xavier should’ve known that something would go wrong when he got up this morning. everything was just too… something. the sun was too bright, he woke up too early, finished his mission too quickly… it shoildve set off an alarm, but it didn’t. instead, he smiled brightly as he made his way to philo. harder his talk with you yesterday, he felt like he should probably apologize for how he took his anger out on jeremiah. .
granted, if he had it his way, he wouldn’t deal with jeremiah anymore than he needs him—a new alias, intel, something he was useful for—rather than letting him spend anymore time near you than necessary.
it unnerves him how well you two get along. he should know it’s dumb to be so jealous, but he can’t seem to help himself. his mind goes back to memories of her with him.
seeing her laughing with jeremiah, her huddled next to him when they reunited after his first of many failed missions to save her— avenge her .
he doesn’t even realize his hand has curled into a tight fist around the knob of the flower shop door until he feels the cold metal creak under his grip. he shakes his head, blue eyes closing as he takes a deep breath before twisting open the knob and walking in.
it takes several startling moments as his eyes blink owlishly at the strange scene in front of him. it doesn’t make sense. logically speaking, this can’t be happening. he can’t be seeing… you, jeremiah, and her staring back at him. what’s worse are the looks of disdain, anguish, and betrayal etched on all of your faces. he keeps trying to blink away the scene, his chest tightening as he reaches for the doorknob once more for something to settle himself.
how is she here? this can’t be real.
but it is. it’s her. he doesn’t know whether to scream or cry. he finds himself at a loss for words, his throat dry as he swallows.
“you’re here,” he breathes, looking at her .
she scoffs, clearly in disbelief. “‘you’re here’? that’s all you have to say?” she spits coldly. “you leave me to run your kingdom without even so much as a second thought and all you have to say is ‘you’re here ’?”
he could feel the venom from her words. why is she so mad? he couldn’t understand. he promised he’d—
then it hit him when he saw you bristle at her final sentence. he’d forgotten you were there when he saw her. he opens his mouth, his hand reaching out to you before he sees you take a step away.
“it’s true?” he hears your voice shake. “you… xav, who even are you?”
xavier shakes his head vehemently, trying to move towards you again, “it’s not what you think,” he begins before he hears her mirthless laugh.
“then what is it? i’d sure love to know that, xavier ,” his name sounds like a curse as it falls from her lips. “because to me it looks like your “grand mission” wasn’t to save the woman you love at all. instead, you went and found another version of me,” she sneers down at him.
jeremiah stands quietly in the middle of the two of you, staring at xavier. xavier bristles as he storms towards jeremiah, “what the hell did you do?”
“what did i do? i didn’t--“
“you didn’t even tell her everything— why i did this,” he snaps.
jeremiah glares at him, “why you stayed? why you decided to go against all the rules you set in place? why you decided to stay here and create a brand new life here instead of protecting our loved ones in philos? you tell me, xavier, because i don’t know why you’re doing his or what even ‘this’ is!” he barks.
xavier goes to interrupt him but jeremiah continues.
“and it’s not like you ever viewed me as your equal—even a friend . all you saw me as was your competition. after the catastrophe, when i lost bella,” jeremiah’s hand unconsciously grabs the ring around his neck, “i swallowed everything down just to help you find her here. not once did you even consider what i was going through, nor did you even care—and don’t bullshit me saying that you did.”
xavier feels his rage build inside him. “you guys have no idea what it was like for me!” he snaps. “i watched the love of my life die in my arms when i finally got what i needed to save her… just for her to deny it. then, when i find her again, she doesn’t even know who i am! how am i supposed to—!” he gasps out. “we could’ve had uluru. why didn’t you run away with me?”
he doesn’t have time to react to the slap before he feels the sting against his cheek. the red flesh burns as he turns to see her hateful stare. “you promised me a world full of a field of flowers, a never ending spring. you promised to always stay by my side. it’s not my fault i couldn’t remember our previous life together,” she spits.
“i made it very clear how i felt about you. you don’t get to make me feel bad because you’re not paying enough attention to what i’ve been saying.” the words spew out before he can catch himself.
she pauses, hurt evident in her features. “that will always be my biggest regret, xavier. i love you. i always loved you. you were everything to me,” she breathes. “you were my guiding light—my star in the never-ending night. i was ready to give my life to serve you just for a chance to be by your side–”
“so why didn’t you? is the idea of me so much better than the real thing?”
“you know well enough your father would’ve never allowed us–”
“you could’ve left with me at any point. it’s not my fault that i was trying to save your life, to make up for what my family did to you!”
“i didn’t ask you to! you’re going around trying to save a ghost! that version of me is dead , xavier. she’s decomposed and in the earth—she’s gone ,” she retorts coldly.
these words invoke a boiling rage inside xavier. “that’s not fair. i only wanted—“
“it’s always about you , you , you ! did you ever ask about what we wanted? what the other me wanted? what this me wants?”
the sobering reality comes crashing back that you’re there. it’s startling how quiet you are. he lets his azure eyes lock into yours, flinching at the sight.
he doesn’t know which emotion in your eyes hurts him the most.
he’s seen you die in his arms, left you behind in another life, and now…
“thank you for the tea, jeremiah,” she chimes in after a small silence. “i have to return to the people his majesty left behind to chase an idle fancy.”
with those words, she brushes past xavier like the wind. icy, brusque, then gone in an instant.
jeremiah is polite enough to let the two of you talk in his greenhouse as he helps customers. arguing in a flower shop wouldn’t be good for business, after all.
xavier watches as you idly touch the lavenders that have begun to bloom, your fingertips brushing the delicate petals. he feels his body itching to touch you, to reassure you that he didn’t do anything wrong, that this… you could work through this.
he doesn’t know how much time passes before he hears you speak.
“did you know then?” he hears you murmur.
“know… what?” he hesitates.
“when lumiere saved me… you knew then, didn’t you?”
his heart stops. “i…” he trails off.
he hears your choked laugh, the faint words, “figured as much,” leaving your mouth.
before he can muster.a response, he sees you turning to leave. his body reacts instinctively to reach for your wrist.
“don’t touch me!” he hears you snarl, your wrist forced out of his grasp. when your eyes meet his, he sees the fire burning in them from the silent rage. “you’ve lost that right when you lied to me.”
“just let me explain—“
“explain what? that you lived an entirely different life with other versions of me, leaving one of those versions completely behind and not telling me a damn thing? i’d love to hear that explanation., xavier,” your cut him off, ice in your tone.
he bristles before narrowing his eyes, “i’m sorry, but think about how you would’ve reacted. would you have even believed me?”
“don’t give me that horse shit. all this, ‘just xavier’ for you to not even let me know who you really are! god, i can hardly even be in the same room as you,” your hands cover your face before moving to rub at your temples.
“i’m sorry i didn’t tell you.”
he can feel your eyes on him as the words spill out.
“i never meant to fall for you. i… i was only supposed to be here until jeremiah and i found a way back. then, you happened. you, with your wit and your smile that could shine through the darkest days. you, with your laugh that pierces straight to my hear,” he murmurs as he comes closer, his hands cradling your face. “you, who i can’t imagine living my life without. this wasn’t supposed to happen but i’m so glad it did.”
he lets his thumbs brush away at the stray tears coming down your face, unsure if they’re from hurt or frustration.
“i don’t even know if it’s really me you even want.”
he feels his hands being pulled away from your face as you walk past him. “don’t call me again. i’m asking jenna to place me in a different association in another city. i’m asking you, if you ever really loved me at all, you won’t look for me.” a pause.
“goodbye, xavier.”
jeremiah is kind enough to let xavier stay in the greenhouse until closing. he peers his head inside, brown eyes quickly finding the white-blond haired man. “hey, i’m gonna be closing up soon. do you need anything before i leave?” he calmly asks.
xavier doesn’t say anything, merely glaring at jeremiah. “i suppose they’ve both told you where they’ll be going?” he snarks.
jeremiah ignores that, truly not in the mood to argue again, “i’ll take that as a no. i’ll let you head out first.”
“so that’s it?” he calls out once jeremiah turns. “you’re pissed off because i treated you like an errand boy instead of an actual friend? i’m sorry, okay? i just…” his voice breaks.
jeremiah sighs, “you don’t owe me an apology, xavier. i realized a long time ago i was never going to be anything memorable to you.”
xavier lets out a mirthless laugh, “taking the high road to make me seem like an ass?”
jeremiah finally slams the door shut before turning into xavier and shoving him, making xavier hit the wall, causing the blond man to gasp in surprise.
“you don’t get to be pissed off at me, xavier,” he spits. “this is a bed you made. you were the one who wanted to go on this stupid journey anyway.”
“you’re the one who told me to pursue her!” xavier barks, shoving him in return.
“would you have even listened if i had said no? the look in your eyes, xavier. it’s the one i’ve seen from you when you’re with both versions of her. it’s like, you know it’s futile, but you’re willing to make the jump anyway. why would i waste my breath when i know it’s useless?”jeremiah yells before taking a calming breath.
“i’m not going to kick you while you’re down, but just know this,” he states before walking to the greenhouse exit, “i’m only helping you as a duty to our people. any semblance of friendliness between us is over. not like it mattered much to you, anyway.”
cold brown eyes meet xavier’s causing him to recoil. he’s never seen that look on jeremiah’s face before.
“clean this place up before you leave. the key’s under the mat,” is all xavier hears before the door closes behind him.
he slides down the wall, head pounding as he feels warm tears trickle down his face. his fists beat against the tiled floor until his knuckles’ skin breaks and blood paints the linoleum.
he really should’ve known something would go wrong today.