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Morax impatiently tapped his fingers on his upper arm, as he idly looked about the large meeting room in the Tsaritsa’s palace halls. Today, they were seated in Snezhnaya for meetings.
The hall was a fairly large place, dark grey marble walls with square windows peering into the snow-layered cityscape of Snezhnaya. The room was quite dim, light coming in through the glow from the windows. The meeting table was a circular shape, with chairs accompanying it.
Morax was seated to the right of where the Tsaritsa sat, her back to the door. To her left was Egeria and Murata, whose chairs were farther apart than normal. (Morax argued they should not be sitting so close to each other, but Rukkhadevata retaliated that it would be good for them to bond with each other more.)
Next to Murata was Makoto, who was tinkering with the camellia in her hair, and Rukkhadevata. There was only one chair which wasn’t filled, in between Rukkhadevata and Morax. The Seven was waiting for that one occupant who was missing.
There was at least one meeting each year, to serve as a means to catch up and talk about each other’s nations. They all either ended nicely, or in total chaos. And there was no in between. The last one, which was in Inazuma, ended with Egeria quite literally running across the sea to call war on Mondstadt after Barbatos made a negative comment on Fontaine’s popular sappy romance tropes, with the Tsaritsa ice-bridging her way after her. Murata had thrown the meeting table across the room out of rage, and ended up having to battle Ei, who thought her twin was being attacked.
Hopefully, this time would be different.
“If nobody else is gonna say it, then I will. Where the hell is Barbatos?!” The Pyro Archon slammed her fist on the table to have everyone turn their attention onto her. It shook momentarily.
“Please don’t break this table this time.” The Tsaritsa cooly responded. “And he is most likely late, as always…” She said the last part under her breath.
“Don’t worry, I’ll just weld it back together with fire again.”
“Please don’t!”
Rukkhadevata chimed in. “The meeting cannot start without him, so let’s wait a bit. Although, yes, I agree he’s a bit later than he usually is.”
“I’m here! Anybody miss me?”
White feathers lazily flew into the room as the Anemo Archon slammed open the door with a strum of his lyre. A gentle breeze wafted it’s way through the room, as the Anemo Archon finally made his appearance.
“You’re late.” Morax deadpanned.
“Oh, come on! I’m only, what, five minutes late?”
“I think it’s been well over thirty.” Rukkhadevata pondered.
“Ah, well, I’m here now, aren’t I?” Barbatos landed in his seat, folding his wings neatly but not before playfully hitting Morax’s shoulder with his feathers.
“Well, now that everyone is here, let us begin the meeting.” Morax clasped his hands. “Lady Tsaritsa, why don’t you start us off since this is your nation?”
“Snezhnaya has been functioning nicely. No problems as of late, and I oversaw a recent celebration.”
“And didn’t invite us, huh?” Barbatos childishly pouted.
“Seven gods at a minor party would cause too much trouble. And I do not particularly trust you anywhere near… well, anywhere really.” Tsaritsa opted to ignore Barbatos crossing his hand over his chest in offense, and turned to face Morax. “Tell us how Liyue has been doing these days.”
Morax straightened his back and replied. “Liyue Harbor has been doing fine. No recent problems, the Rite of Descension went smoothly, as did the Lantern Rite.”
“That’s nice to hear.” Makoto commented.
Barbatos propped his head on his hands. “Sign any new contracts?”
“Do not mock the art of Contract.” Morax frowned.
“Speaking of contracts, why do you never tell me anything about contracts anymore? You seemed to lighten up whenever I had asked to learn more about your ideals…”
“Because last time I taught you about signatures and legal bindings, Murata and Egeria ended up getting legally married for six months.”
“Oh come on! It wasn’t that bad! I even threw them a nice wedding! We all attended it!”
“‘Nice?’ Good one.”
“Ah, whatever. Now let’s talk about Mondstadt!” Barbatos slammed his hands on the table and slightly levitated, his wings spreading a bit. “Preparations for the Windblume Festival are starting now and I’ve decided, why not actually show up for once? You know, strum my lyre, sing a nice lullaby-”
“Finally showing up to your people, huh? What happened to ‘staying away so they don’t have to be under the influence of a god’?” Egeria said.
“What? They still are my people, and are able to choose to do what they want! I simply want to let them know I’m watching over and protecting them!”
“You finally sound like a real ruler!”
“Hey! What exactly is that supposed to mean?”
“Calm down, you two.” Makoto sweetly said.
Egeria scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “All I’m saying is that he can barely be considered an Archon.”
“That’s hardly a way to speak of our fellow god!”
“He simply spends his days drinking and sleeping and strumming that glorified harp of his. What else is there to say?”
“G-glorified?” Barbatos stuttered. He looked genuinely offended. “And I’m not the only Archon who drinks around here!”
“Oh please. If you are referring to me, at least I don’t drink half of a city’s alcohol supply.” Tsaritsa snapped back.
“You’re still mad at me for that? Leave it be already!”
“Do you even understand just how massive Snezhnaya’s alcohol industry is? And you STILL somehow didn’t get completely drunk!”
“His alcohol tolerance is something not even I can figure out.” Rukkhadevata commented.
“Um, guys? The meeting?” Makoto waved her hand gently to try and get her friend's attention.
Barbatos leaned back in his seat. “I’m so tired already… Who’s turn is it now?”
“That would be me.” Rukkhadevata politely raised her hand. “The Akademiya’s five hundredth century anniversary is coming up soon. For this nation-wide celebration, we are incorporating many elements of art into it. I was initially going to ask if any of you wanted to come, actually.”
Barbatos clapped his hands excitedly. “Definitely! I’ll be attending! Well, I’ll be attending undercover of course. But you’ll know who I am!”
“It sounds interesting, but I am quite busy these days.” Tsaritsa politely declined.
“Sure. I would love to come. Do you mind if I invite my sister as well?” Makoto nodded her head. Rukkhadevata responded with a smile. “Of course.”
Egeria looked a bit interested. “Art, huh? What kind of art?”
“Well, all kinds. Tapestries depicting legends and myths, even ones from different nations, as well as stage performances. I think you’d enjoy that part, Egeria.”
“What genre of theater?”
Rukkhadevata tapped a finger to her chin. “We have yet to decide on a specific play, however we are considering an action-based one, inspired by epic poetry writings. Usually we would not do something of such nature, but recently we’ve been opening our horizons to other nations' cultures.”
“Yes!” Murata exclaimed. “I LOVE action-war type genre! Don’t worry Rukkha, I’m coming! I’m coming so hard! I’ll come so hard you won’t even see me coming!”
“…huh?”
“Hmm, I guess I can set some time aside for it… wait Murata’s coming?” Egeria shrugged.
“Got a problem with that?”
“Alright then, I think that I’m next.” Makoto calmly stated. “Inazuma has been doing quite well lately. Ei has finally set time aside from fighting and has recently spent more time with her friends. In fact, she asked me to play a game with them.”
”It’s nice to hear that Ei is finally coming out of her shell for once. We should invite her to one of our gatherings again.” Rukkhadevata offered.
Morax nodded in agreement. “Yes. She’s very polite and well-mannered, not like some of our friends who attended.” Morax snuck a quick glance at Barbatos. “Did you know that she’s surprisingly good at riddles too?”
“Really?”
“Yeah! I sang to her a ballad which is in the format of a riddle, and she deciphered it perfectly within a few minutes.” Barbatos said, choosing to ignore Morax’ unspoken insult directed towards him.
“Ei would faint if she heard the praises you are singing to her.” Makoto said with a thoughtful smile. “Now, who’s turn is it?”
“Mine.” Murata said. “Nothing very interesting is currently happening in Natlan lately. All cities are at ease.”
“Really, nothing?” Egeria coyly replied. “Not many wars these days, huh?”
“If you’re going to tease me with the ‘goddess of war but no war to be the goddess of’, then save it!”
“You two,” Barbatos began. He made an attempt to sound serious like Morax, but failed to hide his amusement. “Do we need to discuss your conflict? With each other, maybe?”
“Ugh, I don’t wanna have a heart-to-heart with Egeria!” Murata whined.
“Likewise!”
“Murata.” Tsaritsa cooly stated. “Why are you always so mad at Egeria?”
“Because she’s a BITCH!”
“TAKE THAT BACK!”
“…Not an answer I was hoping to get.” Tsaritsa pinched the bridge of her nose. She spitefully muttered what Rukkhadevata realized was a string of Snezhnayan curses.
“Fine! You want a real answer? She’s annoying, she’s bratty, she’s whiny and-”
“I’m going to VAPORIZE YOU!”
“Ladies, ladies, calm down!” Barbatos held his hands out. A small breeze flew across his hands and a lyre materialized in them. “How about we settle this through a song?”
“Barbatos, what is rule number five of the Archon Meeting?” Morax warned.
“…don’t serenade the other archons. Why does that stupid rule place higher than ‘Don’t throw tables across the room?’”
“Because table-throwing doesn’t happen every meeting.”
“It’s gonna happen if Egeria doesn’t shut the fuck up!” Murata said through gritted teeth.
Morax sighed and thought for a moment. “Alright, let’s try this. What will it take for you two to stop fighting?”
“Egeria has to admit her nation's portrayal of war is actual shit.”
“Do you even know what war looks like?” Egeria snidely asked.
“Now what’s that supposed to mean?” Murata narrowed her eyes at Egeria.
“I think she means to say that you may have lost your idea of war after going so long without fighting any. It’s been centuries since the last real war, after all.” Rukkhadevata offered.
“What!”
“Now, now, let’s just calm down.” Tsaritsa offered, calmly folding her hands on the table.
Egeria leaned in. “It’s true! This must be why you’re obsessed with picking fights all the time, it’s because you gets zero bloodshed despite being the damn goddess of-”
“RAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Murata roared and stood up, violently tearing the meeting table off the ground. She flung it across the room in rage, and it flew out the now-broken window. The screams of people below could faintly be heard.
“Not again!” Tsaritsa scolded.
“I'LL SHOW YOU BLOODSHED! I’LL SHOW YOU IT MUCH BETTER THAN YOUR SHITTY FONTAINE FILMS EVER COULD!” She lunged to grab Egeria, but the latter jumped in to tackle Murata to the ground. Steam began to rise from the two women as they tussled on the floor due to their contrasting elements.
“Haha! Now that’s an Archon war!” Barbatos cheered from his place.
“Please calm down you two!” Makoto shouted. “Can't we talk this out peacefully?”
“You bloodthirsty war-hound! How dare you say such things about my theater?!” Egeria shrieked in Muratas face.
“Don’t say SHIT about Natlan’s ideals then!” Murata yelled.
“That’s really petty!”
“You’re really petty!”
“NUH-UH!!”
“Oh my, sounds like you two have got some serious relationship issues to work though! Perhaps this is why your marriage failed?” Barbatos covered his mouth and giggled.
“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!!” Both the Hydro and Pyro Archon shouted in unison. They both got up at the same time and charged towards Barbatos, who promptly flew out of the way.
The pair engaged in a chase around the room for a bit, until Murata accidentally stepped on Egeria’s dress, causing the Hydro Archon to trip. It seems that she took that as an act of war, because she then proceeded to harsly douse Murata in water, who then pinned Egeria to the ground. Completely forgetting all about Barbatos’ comment.
“They finally worked together for once.” Tsaritsa commented.
Morax pinched the bridge of his nose. “Not in the way you’d expect, though.”
“I would’ve liked hearing what Egeria had to say about Fontaine.” Rukkhadevata sadly expressed.
Barbatos chimed from his spot near the other gods. “Wow, Tsaritsa! It’s as if your meeting hall is cursed. Arguments always happen here!”
“Arguments that happen because of you.” Tsaritsa crossed her arms over her chest.
“Barbatos, this is all YOUR FAULT!” Egeria shrieked from where Murata was keeping her pinned down. “Your court date will be next week!”
“I suppose this meeting is adjourned?” Rukkhadevata said.
Morax turned his attention to the battle in the center of the room. He supposed he should intervene.
He whispered a silent prayer to Celestia as he strided to the commotion, beginning to prepare his shield.