Archive of Our Own

I was waiting with Mum for Papa and David to finish talking to his agent Henry. We would come to Warner and Hardy’s at least once a week for Papa and Henry to talk about whatever projects David would work on. Mum didn’t do much talking with Henry, mostly she would sit in the waiting room with me, bored as much as I was. Then when Henry walked Papa and David out she’d look over a piece of paper and give her approval. I was used to this at seven years old, the same weekly routine as always.

The shiny waiting room didn’t have much for kids but there was a small basket in the corner with a few toys. Sometimes I played with them. Sometimes I watched the clips on telly, different roles that different clients played. Although, it took a long time for me to realise this, and for the longest time I just thought their telly was broken since they never played full episodes of my favourite kid’s shows.

Then one day everything changed.

Sometimes there were other children but not usually. Sometimes I would play with them but more often their parents wanted them to stay in “serious” mode and wouldn't let them play.

That particular fall day we went into the office after school. I was telling Mum about what I’d done in class, as usual she’d ask me questions, just something to pass the time while we waited. Then the office’s front door opened and a man and a boy walked in hand-in-hand.

“Charlie go sit please,” the man said and the boy, Charlie, walked to a seat and crawled onto it. He was small and slight, barely taking up any room on the chair he’d chosen. He was all big dark blue eyes and black curls bouncing as he looked around the room. I thought he was just lovely and wanted more than anything to play with him. As he looked around his eyes landed on me and I smiled just a little, shy under his intense gaze. He shifted his head to the right then smiled back at me as the man who’d come in with him sat next to him.

“Mummy, can we play?” I asked, pointing to the basket and then at Charlie sitting across from us. I smiled at the man with him. Charlie looked up at the man with a pleading expression.

“Go on,” the man said. Charlie hurried over to the toy basket, as if he thought the man might change his mind. Once I’d gotten the nod of approval from Mum I did the same and we met in the corner.

“Hi.”

That was the first thing I ever said to Charlie Spring.

“Hi,” he replied shyly.

“I’m Nick Nelson,” I said, grabbing an action figure from the basket.

“I’m Charlie Spring,” he said in that same soft voice. I’d soon learn that almost everything Charlie did was quiet and soft. He was sweet but incredibly shy. As we played, both of us holding an action figure, he was happy to follow my lead. Which was strange for me. I was so used to playing by myself but also when David deigned to play with me he was always in charge. I tried to make the game fun for Charlie, asking for his input on what our superheroes did and who they’d save or fight.

Charlie would answer, in his soft little voice, but mostly he’d smile and nod along.

“I’m seven,” I said at one point and Charlie looked scared for a moment before he answered softly. Quieter then he’d been in the whole maybe ten minutes we’d been playing.

“I’m only five.”

“Oh,” I said, then shrugged. “We can still be friends though, I don’t mind.”

“Really?” he asked brightly. “Most big kids don’t want to play with a little kid.”

I laughed and shook my head.

“I am a little kid, Charlie,” I said, smiling at him. Charlie’s dark eyes travelled over me with that intense stare I was coming to know. Then slowly he nodded.

“Yeah okay, I guess that’s true,” Charlie said.

“Are you an actor?” I asked before we started playing again.

“Yeah, that’s why we’re here. My dad wanted to talk to my agent, Lewis,” he explained, very seriously and I nodded back.

“Do you like acting?” I asked then watched as a bright grin spread over Charlie’s face. He nodded quickly then bit his lip.

“Yeah, I– I really like it,” he said and I smiled back at him. “Do you?”

“Oh um– I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I’ve never done it.”

Charlie gave me a very intense nod. “What do you like to do?”

“I like rugby,” I said grinning at him, I laughed softly as his nose wrinkled.

“Oh, that’s– I don’t know much about rugby,” he said a bit dejectedly.

“That’s okay, it’s the best sport there is though,” I said then shrugged. “I’ve gone on set with my brother David before but it was really– it was kind of scary.”

“It is the first time, but then it’s fun,” Charlie said, sitting up on his knees and smiling at me again. “I like playing pretend.”

I thought about it for a moment then nodded. Playing pretend. I’d never thought of acting that way. David always made it seem so serious. I’d been in little plays at my primary, like most kids, and I’d like that well enough. But honestly, I’d been on set with David and it was overwhelming and scary. Mum knew how overwhelming I’d found being on set with David. So she never let Papa pressure me into camera work like David did.

“You should try it for real,” Charlie said, like it was just that easy.

“Maybe I will,” I said to Charlie before tapping his action figure with my own. “Now, is Spiderman going to save the day or not?”

Charlie giggled and we continued playing. In that way that it is with children, we played for both a moment and forever before Papa and David came back to the waiting room.

“Charlie Spring!” A man called coming from the same hallway. Charlie looked up then back at me with a sad smile.

“I’ve got to go,” he said sadly. I nodded and pointed to where Papa was talking to Mum.

“Me too,” I said as we put away the toys and stood. Without much thought I pulled Charlie into a hug. “Bye.”

“Bye,” he said waving before running over to his dad and the other man, who I assumed to be his agent.

“Nicky, let's go baby,” Mum called and I hurried over to my family.

That night as Mum tucked me in, I remembered my conversation with Charlie.

“Mummy?”

“Hmm, Baby?” Mum hummed as she smiled down at me, stroking hair over my forehead and out of my eyes.

“Can I do what David does?” I asked and mum looked confused.

“You do, do what David does,” Mum said, moving to sit on the end of my bed. “You play rugby like he does, you go to school, you–”

“No, I– I want to go on sets and act like he does,” I said, watching as Mum frowned.

“Oh Nicky,” she sighed, the brown eyes I’d inherited looking over my face. She looked sad for a moment before smiling and nodding. “I’ll talk to your father, alright?”

“Alright, Mummy,” I said, smiling back at her. I didn’t like to see Mum unhappy but this was something I really wanted to try. If David could do it, why couldn’t I? And I didn’t know why it would make Mum sad for me to act when David did it. I was, obviously, unaware of the cost and time and energy it would take to have two children attempting to make it in such an unforgiving industry.

Papa was thrilled by the prospect of me acting and gave me more attention than I think he’d ever paid me. David on the other hand wasn’t so happy but our parents shut him down repeatedly when he got to mean, which was often.

That one request changed my whole life.

Instead of just rugby at the weekend I had acting classes after school. When Papa and David went to see Henry, Mum and I would go with them. I went to audition after audition. Until I finally landed a laundry detergent commercial.

It was a simple thing, not even any lines, but I loved it. Being on set was as overwhelming and scary as it had been before but instead of sitting on the sidelines I was right in the middle of everything. Which actually helped. Having the other actors, adults playing my parents, to explain things to me and the director telling me what to do helped. I suddenly understood what everything was. There was also the adrenaline rush and the dopamine hit after a good take, which I didn’t entirely understand at the time. I just knew when I got things right everyone clapped for me and I liked making people happy.

I saw Charlie another five or six times. We were never able to play together again though. Since I was at the office to work, so I went to Henry’s office with Papa and David. Charlie and I would exchange a quick “hi” in passing when we saw each other. He always had a kind hopeful smile for me but as it happened we were always coming or going whenever we meet.

Then one day I realised it had been a while since I’d seen him. Actually it had probably been a month, but little kids don’t really see time in real terms like that. It was only later that I learned he’d moved to another agency. Over time I’d started to forget my one time friend. Honestly the fact that I remembered a boy I’d played with for all of twenty minutes and changed a greeting a handful of times, years later was pretty astonishing. Especially with how crazy my life became.

After that commercial I booked a small part on a television show. I actually had a few lines and the little boy I was portraying was very different from myself. Once I’d gotten the role Mum and I would practise together every night. Honestly, that little role had me hooked. I loved getting to play someone so different from myself, playing pretend, just like Charlie had said.

And I was good at it.

After that commercial came another, and then a bit on a television show. Which led to a movie role which led to another and another. Which led to awards and more roles. Until, from the time I’d started working at seven until I ran into Charlie Spring again when I was twelve I’d never stopped.

It was a funny thing, running into Charlie again. I was working on a crime show, playing the son of one of the main detective inspectors. Charlie was playing the son of the other. Since our characters were mostly window dressing for scenes in the DIs homes we only had one scene together: the birthday party for my character Ryan.

“Nick, alright love?” Marianna, director of hair and makeup asked as I climbed into the makeup trailer.

“Alright,” I answered, then paused upon seeing Charlie seated in another chair. I hadn’t realised the Charlie I’d been hearing about on set was my– was Charlie Spring.

He was still small for his age and so was I, twelve playing an eight year old. He still also had those deep blue eyes like the ocean in a storm and those glossy black curls longer now and a little more wild, so different from my own straight ginger hair. I was still captivated by him in a way that I can’t explain. The way I felt calmer but also nervous, was so odd.

I bit my lip as I approached him, he wasn’t paying attention and was distracted by his phone.

“Hi,” I said sitting in the chair next to him.

“Hi,” he said without looking up.

“Charlie,” I laughed, shaking my head at him. Then he did look up and I was treated to those ocean blue eyes.

“Ni– Nick!?” he spluttered and I nodded. “I haven’t– I mean it’s been like years!”

“I know, I didn’t even realise you were on this project,” I said just as Georgia, the hair stylist, came over to start on Charlie’s hair. He smiled at me a last time before turning to face front for the work to begin.

“You boys know each other? You two work together before?” Georgia asked.

“Er– no. We met like five years ago,” I explained.

“Oh really?” She asked and Charlie hummed agreement.

“It was kind of silly, we played action figures in the waiting room of my agent’s office,” Charlie explained.

“Aww, that’s sweet,” Georgia said before getting to work on Charlie. I watched with wonder as Georgia worked individual ringlets over Charlie’s head. Then it was my turn and Rachel, the makeup artist, started on Charlie.

I smiled at Georgia in the mirror shyly. I felt like my heart was racing in my chest at seeing Charlie again. Which was weird. It felt a bit like when I was around Tara Jones, a girl I went to acting classes with. I’d fancied her quite a bit and we’d even kissed once at the class year end party. But I wasn’t sure why my heart would race or my palms sweat over Charlie. It was strange. Stranger still it felt like all the adults could tell how I was feeling, how confused I was. Sharing sly glances when they thought I wasn’t looking.

“Are you alright, Nick?” Rachel asked when she started powdering my face lightly. Young as I was, I didn’t need much by way of makeup.

“Huh?” I asked, blinking at the back of her head in the mirror before I was able to look up and focus on her face in front of me.

“You seem really distracted. Is everything alright sweetheart? Should I get your mum?” Rachel asked, stepping back and looking at me.

“My mum? No, sorry just– worrying about dumb stuff. Sorry,” I apologised, giving her a guilty smile. “I’m totally fine.”

“Alright, you’re almost done then,” she smiled at me then quickly finished. I glanced sideways to see how Charlie was fairing. They’d been working on him before I got in and by the looks of it he was almost done. I wanted to say something but felt awkward in front of the grown ups.

Soon enough Charlie was done, waving goodbye to me with a casual, “See you out there.”

When Rachel was done and the cape protecting my clothes was removed I hurried from the trailer hoping to catch up to Charlie. Though he was minutes ahead of me. I rushed from the trailer and out into the path almost running into a person in my haste.

“Nick!” Charlie cried as I almost bowled him over.

“Charlie! God, sorry!” I cried, gripping his upper arms and laughing as I turned us so that I didn’t fall over. My feet firmly planted on the ground, I smiled at him. “I was coming to look for you.”

“I didn’t go far,” he smiled back, blushing just a bit. “We’ll have to walk and talk though, or we’ll be late.”

“Right,” I agreed and we headed toward the set, a portion of the park which was sectioned off for filming. “What have you been up to?”

“Theatre actually,” he answered, smiling up at me. “My mum didn’t really like me being in front of the camera when I was so young.”

“So you’ve been doing stage productions instead. I guess that explains why I didn’t see you again.”

“Yeah, I switched to an agent who would focus more on that. I’ve done a couple things on the West End.”

“Like?”

“I was Oliver in Oliver!,” he said and when I stop and stare at him he blushes again. “Come on!”

He grabs my hand. Wow, the tingles are back and shooting up my fingers to my arm. My heart is galloping again but I try to tamp it down, to calm myself down.

“That’s amazing Charlie!”

“Yeah sure, Movie Star,” he laughed, pushing my shoulder with his own. Now it’s my turn to duck my head and blush.

“I– I haven’t starred in anything yet.”

“Yet,” Charlie said emphatically.

“Yeah, yet,” I agreed. Mum always said I had to be positive and good things would come to me. Not that I’d get every role I’d try for but more, if I kept my head up I’d be better off. So far it had worked.

“Still playing uh—what was it?” he asked just as we walked to the edge of set.

“Rugby,” I said dejectedly. His head lifted and he gave me a funny look.

“Rugby, right.”

“Yeah, sometimes,” I shrugged. The truth was I didn’t get to play rugby nearly as much as I’d have liked. My shoulders sagged a bit and he bumped shoulders with me again.

“Sorry,” he said looking contrite.

“No sorries,” I said immediately. Why should he be sorry? He didn’t know it was a sore subject. Or really, just how sore of a subject it was.

The problem was Papa. Or I guess my problem had been Papa. He was in Paris now and he was less of a problem. I was burning out, that’s what Mum called it. I’d been working almost non-stop since I was seven. From one project to the next. When my grades had started slipping, despite the tutors and private lessons, Mum put her foot down. She wanted me to have a more normal childhood. And honestly, as much as I loved acting I wanted that too. Maybe a few years from now I’d want to start up again but right now? I was just tired. This project was actually going to be my last for a while. Although no one outside our family knew that.

Which had made Papa furious. The rows he and Mum had were bad, like bad bad. And there were days when Papa wouldn’t come home. Then one day Mum had sat David and I down to explain that she and Papa would be getting a divorce. Papa would be moving back to France, I guess actually, Papa had already moved back to France.

I know it’s my fault. David told me so enough. Called me weak and stupid, he said Papa was angry because we needed the money. But I– I don’t think that’s right, ‘cause when I asked Mum she assured me we didn’t. She said that she’s a doctor and Papa’s the vice president of a multi-million dollar company. And yeah, those sound like pretty good jobs to me. I tried to ignore David most of the time. I know he’s angry about Papa and bitter that his own acting career fizzled out before it really started. Maybe that was my fault too.

“Nick?” Charlie asked and I squeezed his hand, which I just realised was still held in mine.

“I’ll tell you later,” I said, really meaning it. Despite that fact that we barely talked, and therefore didn’t really, know each other, I felt comfortable with Charlie. I felt safe with him. He was still my friend. Charlie nodded as he looked at me.

“Nick!” Roger the director called. I waved at him then nodded when he pointed toward my mark.

“See you later then,” I waved and went to my mark. The shoot was long and tiring as they tried to catch as much as possible before the natural light changed. There were all the normal kid party things. Cake and games and presents. The only time I interact with Charlie is when he hands me a present and a rather ruckus game of musical chairs. We ended up on the ground holding our bellies in laughter when we both went for the same chair and it flipped over.

“And cut! Great work, boys!” Roger called, before he walked over to us holding out a hand for both of us. “Up you get. That’s a wrap for the day, head back to wardrobe.”

We stood with his help, then did as we were told.

“So what was up earlier?” Charlie asked as we headed across the park. I look at him and sigh then explain my exhaustion, not wanting to lose my love of acting, my brother, my parents divorce, missing rugby desperately.

“It’s just– there’s so much, I need a break,” I explained, letting out a deep breath. “I’m supposed to start at a new regular school, for the fall term. I’m excited and dreading it, what if it’s all a mistake and just for rugby?”

I stopped when Charlie grabbed my hand then pulled me into a tight hug.

“None of that is– it’s not just for rugby. It’s for your well being and your future,” he said, emphatically, pulling away and looking me in the eye. I wanted to look away from the intensity of his gaze, but I couldn’t. Not when he was trying so hard to be there for me. “God Nick, none of that is your fault. It sounds like your dad’s been working you way too hard.”

“I– I know that, it’s just hard sometimes. Papa hasn’t answered any of my texts or voicemails and it’s like– it’s like he just doesn’t care.”

Charlie bit his lip as he glanced away for a moment then looked back at me.

“Maybe he doesn’t. Care I mean,” Charlie said and I flinched slightly, stepping back involuntarily. “That’s not, it’s not your fault in any way, it’s his. I just think– well it sounds like he’s the kind of person who is very selfish, Nick. My grandparents are like that; so much so that my mum had to cut them off. You shouldn’t blame yourself.”

“You’re so wise,” I laughed and Charlie ducked his head.

“Like I said I’ve dealt with people like your dad,” he said, squeezing my hand. “Come on, we’ll be late.”

I followed him closely wanting to keep feeling safe and secure like I did when I was around him. I’d never felt like that around anyone else, except maybe Mum. Normally, I was actually kind of a shy person, or at least I took a while to warm up to people. Not Charlie though. I’d known him all of an hour of my life and I was spilling all my secrets to him.

Once we were changed back into our own clothes we both were supposed to head straight back to our parents waiting at craft services.

“So–” I said at the same time he did. We laughed and then hugged each other tightly. “You’re in London now I expect?”

“Basically, not in Rochester anymore,” Charlie agreed and I nodded. The fact that we’d lived in the same city, yet hadn’t met in school or out was a bit devastating. Although there weren’t that many entertainment agencies around so before that moment I’d assumed he’d lived in Dover or something.

“You lived in Rochester?” I asked a bit wide eyed. He nodded, quirking his head to the right.

“Didn’t you know?”

“No, obviously,” I laughed, a bit at myself and a bit at him.

“Right, dumb question,” Charlie laughed, nodding. “Well, anyway–”

“We should swap numbers, we can like text or whatever,” I offered quickly cutting him off. I couldn’t lose him again, I thought, a bit desperate for reasons I couldn’t explain to myself. Thankfully, Charlie nodded and grinned at me. I realised he was as nervous as I was. I wondered if I made his heart race like he did to me.

“Here,” he said, handing off his phone and taking mine when I handed it to him. We both sent a text to each other then handed our phones back.

“Alright, well you’ll have to tell me how you get on in your new school.”

“I will, and you have to tell me when you get your next part, I’ll come see you!”

“Nicky!” I heard Mum call as we approached the tent for craft services. I waved at her before hugging Charlie again. Even though I had his number now, something told me it would be a while before we saw each other again.

“Bye, Charlie.”

“Bye, Nick.”

The next time I saw Charlie Spring I was sixteen years old.

Up until then we texted a lot. Well at first we texted a lot. We didn’t really know each other so there was a lot to talk about. Likes and dislikes, favourites and music and films and telly. We talked about our friends and families. I told him a lot about my new “real life” and he tells me a lot about rehearsals and shows and bright lights.

Then communication dwindled a bit, then a bit more. I was busy with school and rugby and girls and parties and being a teenager. He texted me about working on the West End and then getting a part on Broadway and moving to New York City for months. It felt like we both were leading different lives. I mean, we were, I was trying to be normal and he was trying to be famous– kind of.

At some point when our communication dropped to nothing for months I decided to let him go. As much as I want to keep talking to him about everything and nothing. I just felt like we’re meant to meet again, we would.

I didn’t want him to completely forget about me though, so a happy birthday and Christmas text would do.

As time went on though I wanted more out of life. I liked being a regular kid again, in school with friends and all, but I missed acting terribly. It had been such a big part of my life that I hadn’t realised what losing it completely would mean.

The day I ask Mum to let me audition again is a bit— fraught.

“Audition? For what?” She asked, looking, rightfully concerned. I haven’t tried out for so much as a school play in four years. Haven’t even really talked about it.

“I’ve been looking and there’s this new show; they’re holding open casting in a couple weeks. I thought I might try out?”

“Oh, Nicky,” she said, moving to lean back against the kitchen island. We’re in the kitchen, the most comforting room in the house. Where I knew she’d feel at ease. And we’ve just finished baking a batch of scones, which we love to do together. What I’m saying is I’ve kind of lulled her into a, possibly, false sense of security. That this is any other afternoon, but it isn’t.

I wanted to change everything again.

“I know,” I started, pacing in front of the door that leads into the lounge. “I wanted out but I didn’t mean forever, and like— I want to act again. I miss it. The only reason I haven’t said anything before is because— well you seem so content, Mum.”

“I— I am content. Things are perfect just as they are for me but— well not if you’re actually unhappy. I never want that, Nicky,” she said with a small sniff.

“You’re sure it's okay?” I asked, walking to her and pulling her into a tight hug.

“Of course it is, I want you to do whatever will make you happy. And I don’t want you to waste your talent either.”

I nodded and then headed up to my bedroom.

A week later I finally texted Charlie. I’d heard he’s back in the country and working again. So I just want to see, check in.

Nick: Hi

Charlie: Hi

Nick: I just left an audition

Charlie: Yeah?

Nick: Yeah, I’ve been wanting to get back into acting. There was an open casting call.

Charlie: For what?

Nick: Teen drama.

Charlie: Sounds like fun I guess. I haven’t done anything like that before.

Nick: Me either.

Nick: Obviously.

Nick: They’re still looking, want a link?

Charlie: Yeah why not?

Like it seemed to happen every time I interacted with Charlie, everything changed after that.

I auditioned for Luca Jacobs, a secondary student rugby player figuring the world out. He was much more of a lad than I thought of myself, but he was also kind and sensitive like I was. I’d accepted my own sensitive nature as soon as David left for uni, coincidentally enough.

The audition process consisted of three rounds. First a video submission, then a formal audition in London with the casting director, showrunner Lucy and executive producer Sean. Then the chemistry reads. Those were long as I had to do readings with Luca’s best friend, his love interest, and then the rest of the main six cast.

“Charlie!” I couldn’t help but shout when I saw him walk into the large open audition room.

“Nick! Ah! Put me down!” He laughed as I hugged him and swung him around in a circle.

“Hi,” I said, setting him back on his feet.

“Hi,” he answered grinning, his hands still clasped around my biceps. He looked at his hands then back at me, a weirdly stunned expression passing over his face before he blinked up at me. “Good to see you again.”

“You too! You didn’t tell me you’d gotten called back.”

“You didn’t either,” he said, releasing me to poke at my arm. I grinned at him and nodded.

“True, true,” I replied looking around. I waved at Sai Verma, who I’d met before in a Zoom meeting. He was auditioning to play Krishna Kumar, Luca’s best friend. “Look I’m gonna go sit with Sai but we’ll talk later yeah?”

“Right,” Charlie agreed, nodding and waving when a tall black woman waved at him from the other side of the room. “I’m gonna go sit with Elle, she’s auditioning for Frankie’s best friend Sophie.”

“Wait, you're auditioning for Frankie!? We’ll be working together so much!” I said happily swinging Charlie around again.

“Niiiiccckkkk!” Charlie laughed as I set him back down. “Go on.”

I did as I was told, heading over to Sai. We exchanged a quick bro-ish handshake and laughed at our own ridiculousness. I turned to look back at Charlie and saw another familiar face.

“Tara!” I called and waved at my old acting classmate. She waved back from where she standing with Charlie and Elle.

“You know everyone?” Sai laughed and I shrugged.

“I know them,” I laughed as we sat.

Soon the final member of our little troop arrived. I wasn’t super familiar with Isaac Henderson, but we’d met in the same Zoom meeting where I’d met Sai. Isaac was auditioning for the part of Ryan Jacobs, Luca’s cousin.

“Hey Isaac,” I said as he joined Sai and myself.

“Hello, hello Sai,” Isaac said quietly and politely.

“Morning mate,” Sai replied before sharing another handshake with Isaac, that they stumbled through causing the three of us to laugh.

Soon the six of us were seated in a semicircle listening to Lucy explain the scene we would be reading.

“There aren’t many scenes like this with everyone, but we really need to see how you all work together. Don’t feel like you have to force a connection, remember many of you are interacting for the first or second time,” Lucy explained then sat back in her seat at the table in front of us. “We’ll have you all stand and mingle. You’re at a party, having fun, then, Nick, you start whenever you’re ready.”

I swallowed and nodded as I stood.

I wanted this part. I wanted it so badly it was like a tingling in my fingers, a physical almost painful sensation. So when I started I gave my all, transforming myself into another person almost entirely. When Lucy called the scene I was proud of my audition and honestly? I was proud of everyone else too. We’d gelled well, at least from my perspective, and everyone’s performance had been great.

“Alright, thank you! We’re going to split up a bit and do some individual chemistry reading. If everyone but Nick and Tara could step out into the hall,” the casting director, Peter, said.

Tara, who was auditioning for Claudia Fisher, Luca’s love interest— or I guess Luca was her love interest. It was kind of an equal thing.

Once Tara and I did our reading, I did one with Sai, and then one with Charlie.

My reading with Charlie was the most important. At least in my eyes. This was the thing that set the whole show in motion was Luca and Frankie being seated together in form. From there Luca met Frankie’s best friend Claudia and Krishna met Sophie and Luca brought in his cousin Ryan and the whole group got together. If Charlie and I didn’t actually work well together neither of us might get the part or only one of us. And I didn’t know if I could deal with that.

“Ready boys?” Lucy asked, watching where Charlie and I were now sitting behind our own table, as we’d be reading the scene where Frankie and Luca meet. “Whenever.”

I might have blacked out, honestly everything was a bit of a blur. I know Charlie was magnificent, charming and funny but shyly, making me pull Frankie’s wit and sarcasm out. But my own performance was a mystery once we’d finished.

“Alright boys, if you wouldn’t mind sending in Elle and Tara? Thank you,” Peter said with a smile.

We nodded and headed out letting the girls know to head in. I sat down with a sigh then looked at Charlie as he sat next to me, his face full of excitement.

“Nick, that was so good! You were great!” He said animatedly.

“Was it? Was I?” I asked blinking at him.

“Yes!” Charlie declared sitting back in his chair. I nodded and sighed again, contentedly this time. Charlie at least thought I’d done well. And that mattered in a way I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

At this point I was used to the strange way Charlie Spring made me feel. Of the way he popped up in my life right as things changed. I’d just accepted that we were meant to be friends in whatever way the universe got us together, but I couldn’t deny wanting more time with him. Wanting a reason for us to hang out, in real life, and to talk and get to know each other. I just— I knew we’d be the best of friends if we just had the chance.

A few weeks later I got a call and hopped on Zoom with Peter, Lucy and Sean.

“Nick! Thank you so much for taking some time. We wanted to talk to you because we’d like to offer you the role of Luca Jacobs,” Peter said grinning. I grinned back, sitting alone in my bedroom at the desk I’d spent the last few years doing homework at.

“Yes! I would love to accept! Thank you!” I said eagerly, to thrilled claps from Lucy and Sean.

“You’re the first, which is very exciting. I know that you know some of the people who auditioned as well but we ask that you not say anything until we’ve given the okay. You’ll receive an email from myself once everyone has been notified,” Peter explained. I agreed then as soon as the call ended I ran downstairs to tell Mum.

“Oh my god! Oh Nicky! I'm so proud of you!” She cried, hugging me tightly. A few happy tears might have been shed before we went out for a celebratory dinner.

When I finally got to tell Charlie, and Charlie got to tell me his own news, I was ecstatic. We’d be working together, but for real this time.

Nick: I can’t believe we’re finally going to work together!

Charlie: You’re such a puppy

Nick: but?

Charlie: But I’m excited too

Nick: I knew it, you sap!

Charlie: 🖕

Nick: 🥰🥰🥰

Filming with the crew we’d done the chemistry read with was great. We really clicked and by the end of filming I knew we’d be friends for life. In fact Sai and I planned to get a flat together as soon as we were eighteen. And I was right about Charlie and I. We were thick as thieves as soon as filming started. We were basically always together when we weren’t filming and sometimes we’d hang around set when the other was.

Filming Byron Park was one of the most rewarding experiences of my career.

Then came the waiting game as the show was announced and previewed and advertised. There was good buzz going into the first season and even more when it was finished being released.

It was a pretty basic storyline, nerd meets jock and becomes friends, but the found family aspect of the whole group really sold the show. People also really like the storyline between Sophie, who was trans as Elle was, and Krishna and watching them navigate their relationship. And the ups and downs between my own Luca and Tara’s Claudia.

Then we were renewed for a second season and everything exploded.

I had interviews and photoshoots and brand deals. So many I felt I never got a moment’s rest. And in between it all I had auditions and callbacks and then filming. I spent two months filming in Los Angeles filming a rom com then another three months in Vancouver on an action movie. Then I was back in England to film the second season of Byron Park.

Seeing Charlie after so long made my heart beat triple time, which was funny considering we’d gone years without seeing each other before. We met up for a coffee before filming started. I couldn’t help but wrap him in a big hug.

The second season focused less on the romantic relationships and more the group becoming adults. They started sixth form, and needed to make decisions about uni and careers. Although the romantic subplots were still there, Luca and Claudia spent the whole season trying to work it out before deciding they were better off as friends. Krishna and Sophie were busy planning a wedding for right when they turned eighteen, and navigating two teenagers making such a lifelong decision. While Frankie and Ryan both formed new, separate, relationships to varying degrees of success.

When filming wrapped I was off again. Filming in Scotland, in America, in Canada. Three films this time. As well as doing press for the two I’d filmed before and premieres. And more brand deals and interviews and photoshoots. It felt like the latter two were the only time I got to see Charlie, although we texted and called all the time.

And no. I did not examine exactly why he made my heart race. Or why it was so important for me that we not lose contact. I wasn’t ready for that.

Then came season three. Or more accurately, the end of season two. When Lucy asked if we could talk about season three.

“How are you boys?” Lucy asked, sitting in her little trailer office. She always called us boys despite the fact that we were eighteen now and she was only in her mid twenties.

“Good,” Charlie said, looking at me. I nodded in agreement. I was a bit freaked out honestly. We’d never had a meeting like this with Lucy and I knew Sean was just outside.

“I’ll get right into it. How would you feel if Luca and Frankie got together?” Lucy asked, looking from me to Charlie. He and I shared a look then glanced back at Lucy. “It’s just that, their romantic relationships aren’t entirely mapped out yet. So we have room to move here.”

I looked at Charlie and swallowed thickly. Even the idea of pretending to hold hands with Charlie made my palms sweat but I also wasn’t opposed, just surprised. I knew there was a vocal group of fans that wanted Luca and Frankie together but honestly I’d never thought about it. They were both straight guys like Charlie and I, so why would I?

“Can we talk about this?” Charlie asked then clarified. “Alone.”

“Sure, you boys talk and then we’ll all talk,” Lucy said standing. She gave us both a smile before she left the room.

“So—” I started but Charlie cut me off as he stood and started pacing.

“This is— you know what this will mean right? People might think you’re gay,” he said running. hand through the curls along his temple.

“That’s alright—“ I tried again but Charlie was on a roll.

“And you might get pigeonholed into only playing gay guys and like— ugh! This is all my fault! I bet I’ve been acting like Luca and Frankie are super close because we’re super close. Fuck I’m a terrible actor too—“

“Okay! Woah! Enough!” I said, standing myself, my voice slightly raised. It was enough to break Charlie from his thought pattern as he turned to look at me. “Char, you haven’t done anything wrong and you’re not a terrible actor or a bad one or anything. You are incredibly talented and wonderful.”

“Nick, I—“ he paused, looking away.

“Well tell them no, it’s alright—“

“No! That’s— that’s not actually what I want,” he said and I cocked my head slightly to the right, confused considering his rant.

“Alright,” I said, drawing out the word as I watched him start to deflate and fall into himself. “Charlie?”

“I— I need to tell you something but— but I haven’t really told anyone.”

“What is it? I promise I won’t judge or tell.”

“I’m— I’m gay,” he said with a wince. I’m more confused than ever. Not about his being gay but his reaction to telling me.

“Is that all?” I said with a laugh. I gasp then slam my palm over my forehead. “No! Shit! That’s not what I meant! I meant that’s okay— we— no I meant that’s good— or no— I meant I— thank you for telling me and I don’t— I don’t— I don’t know what to say without sounding like a dismissive idiot,” I groaned. Charlie laughed, a bit wetly but still, a laugh. I peeked out from behind my fingers.

“I know what you mean, Nick. You’re okay with me being gay?”

“So okay!” I say a bit too quickly. Charlie just laughed at me and shook his head. “I mean it. Thank you.”

He nodded and then sat back down on the couch and hung his head.

“Other people will care though,” he said and I moved to sit next to him. “Other people will care a lot.”

“They will. I guess— I guess you have to decide if you’re okay with that,” I said, clearing my throat gently. “I’m okay with people questioning me, there’s nothing wrong with being gay so. And I’m okay with Luca being gay—“

“Or bi, I mean Luca would be bisexual or pansexual. He had a really meaningful relationship with Claudia,” Charlie said, laying a hand on top of mine. I swallowed and looked away then nodded. “And like— you’ve dated girls before. You say you’re okay with it but are you really? There'll be a lot of people arguing if you're gay, bi or even pan. I’m sure you’ll have a lot of people saying it's no one's business but that’s not going to stop the rumours.”

“I— I’m really okay with it. I mean people speculate on every girl I walk next to so it is not all that different. But are you okay with it I mean? It’s different for you. It’s true for you, are you ready to come out? Or do you want to keep it quiet?”

“I— I don’t know,” he said honestly and I nodded before moving to pull him into a tight side hug. His thin arms wrapped around my waist while mine were around his shoulders. “I don’t want to lie but I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“Then let’s not,” I said nodding, his curls rubbing against the side of my face.

“But— it could be really great for anyone struggling with their own sexuality. I— being part of something like that would be— that would be amazing.”

“True, then okay, let’s do it,” I said, pulling away and looking at his face, where he was biting his lip, his eyes darting around the room. “Or—“

“Ugh! I just— I don’t know!”

“Okay, okay, come here,” I said, pulling him back into my arms again, just as he began to sob silently. I could feel his wet hot tears as they fell onto my t-shirt and quickly soaked through where he pressed his face to my shoulder. “Char, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out, I promise.”

We sat like that for a while but I knew Lucy would be back sooner rather than later.

“Charlie, you’re so upset, I think we need to put this on the back burner. Let you talk to your family and team about coming out and then we can talk about the show.”

“But the fans—“

“Fuck ‘em!”

“Nick! I know you get the messages like I do. So many people want Luca and Frankie together. We could really do something special,” Charlie said looking up at me.

“Char,” I started to speak, then sighed. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Really?”

“Really,” I agreed. No matter what I wanted Charlie to be comfortable, happy in his choice.

“Was that enough time to talk?” Lucy said, sticking her head in the door after knocking once.

“Char?” I asked, looking at Charlie as I stood up. He visibly swallowed then nodded glancing up at me from where he was still seated.

“Alright boys, what do we think? What do you need to talk through?” Lucy asked, then she paused. “Did you want to talk to your parents?”

“No, uh, no, I think–” Charlie trailed off, glancing at me again with his big blue eyes wide. I gave him as encouraging a smile as I could. “We want to d– do it but we– we have some questions.”

I sink down onto the sofa next to Charlie again and look at him. I was a bit confused because I wasn’t sure what there was to discuss.

“Alright then I think we should talk with Sean as well,” Lucy said brightly clapping her hands. “I’ll be right back.”

“Charlie–”

“I want to do it,” he said adamantly. He rested a hand on mine. “I just have some questions.”

“Charlie, Nick,” Sean greeted as he came into the trailer. I gave him a small wave and Charlie gave a tight smile. “Lucy talked to you already, but I’d like to hear where your heads are at. What are you thinking?”

“Well–” Charlie started, then stopped swallowing thickly. He looked at me with wide scared eyes again and without much thought I took his hand into my own. I watched as Charlie took in a deep breath and seemed to calm, squeezing my hand tightly in his. “We’re considering it. I have some questions though.”

“Alright, what’s up?” Sean asked, sitting in one of the chairs in the room as Lucy did the same.

“What’s the plan? Or is there a plan for the plotline? Is it going to be a background thing or a major plot point?” Charlie asked. Lucy smiled nodding.

“Well, I’ve been working on the script, of course, and I’ve been kind of working on the assumption that it’ll be as big of a deal as Krishna and Sophie,” she explained. “So not a background thing, they’ll be quite a bit of focus on the blossoming relationship.”

“Are you thinking it’ll be as fraught as Luca and Claudia were?” I asked, feeling Charlie squeezing my hand. Luca and Claudia had had a lot of issues to work through and it was– fun playing that out. Dealing with their relationship and home life dramas, but honestly? For Luca and Frankie? I didn’t see that as a good thing. There were lots of films about gay people being hurt and fighting for love. I didn’t think I wanted to bring that into our sometimes silly little drama. I wasn’t naive enough to think there wouldn’t be some issues, some drama but figuring yourself out didn’t necessarily have to be hard, did it?

I suddenly wished I’d had more time to talk to Charlie, to ask these questions of him. But we’d just have to work it out with Sean and Lucy.

“I hadn’t planned for it to be no. I mean– Luca and Frankie have been straight as far as anyone has known. So there’ll be a bit of figuring themselves out, that might be a bit hard but my plan for their relationship was to make it very– sweet. Luca and Frankie are already such good friends, why not– just continue that.” Explained Lucy, looking back and forth from Charlie to me. I looked at Charlie, who nodded then looked at me.

“Okay well– we were thinking if we did this then– um– Frankie would be gay? And Luca would be bisexual?” Charlie asked and Lucy nodded.

“We could do it, I haven’t gotten into specifics of their sexualities yet,” Lucy admitted. Charlie and I nodded before looking at each other again.

“I don’t– at least for me, the issue isn’t not wanting to or wanting to for that matter. This will just– This will bring a lot of public scrutiny. I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” I admitted, feeling Charlie’s hand squeeze mine. “That doesn’t mean I’m against this though, it’s just something I have to think about.”

I glanced at Charlie and saw only a proud smile. I smiled back shyly and ducked my head.

“I know this could mean a lot for you both, but I also think this could be an amazing opportunity to continue showing real relationships and real queer ones at that,” Sean said then leaned forward with a look of concentration. “But if either of you are really concerned we’ll go in a different direction.”

“I– I want to do it,” Charlie said with conviction.

He turned to me, squeezing my hand in his again, then smiled. I smiled back, incredibly proud of his bravery. I watched his face as his eyebrows drew together and then he looked back at our showrunner and EP. I blinked then shrugged, knowing intrinsically that he was asking if he should come out to them. I squeezed his hand in mine, letting him know I was here for him no matter what he chose. Charlie let out a soft breath then turned back to Sean and Lucy.

“I think we should explore Frankie being gay no matter what Nick wants,” Charlie stated, then cleared his throat softly. “I want to do this because I’m gay and I think– I think it could really show people that realising you are queer doesn’t look just one way.”

Lucy and Sean shared a look then nodded.

“Thank you for sharing that with us Charlie,” Lucy said, reaching out and taking Charlie’s other hand. They smiled at each other. “I’d like to work closely with you both on this.”

And that was how my life changed with Charlie Spring once more.

Filming our characters getting closer in that way brought Charlie and I closer in real life as well. It was a really vulnerable place to be and there wasn’t anyone I’d have rather done it with than him.

There were lots of sad moments, tears and even some shouting, but there was also lots of joy and laughter and making out. On set and off– well except the making out.

Our first kiss was on a Wednesday afternoon. I probably shouldn’t remember it so vividly, I probably shouldn’t have felt so struck by it but it really affected me. I hid it well and spent my time calming Charlie’s nerves instead of my own. Our first kiss was also Luca and Frankie’s, and sharing something like that only deepened my connection to the character.

“Action!” the director called.

The set was the Jacobs’ back garden, decorated with fairy lights and streamers and flags for Luca’s eighteenth birthday. He and Frankie had escaped to the back garden from the main party in the house. We were seated under a grand old oak tree shoulder to shoulder.

As we began, I think we were both thinking of what had led to this. Despite attempts to date girls in the past nothing had stuck and Frankie had spent the last two episodes coming to terms with the fact that he was gay. Now he’d told his friends and the audience had seen from Luca’s perspective his own struggles with his sexuality, with his growing feelings for Frankie.

In front of the camera I took Charlie’s hand in mine. We both looked at where his hand was cradled in mine and I stroked my thumb along his palm.

“Luca,” Charlie said, closing his fingers around my thumb and holding it tight. “Happy birthday.”

“Frankie,” I said, swallowing thickly. I’m barely acting with how hard my nerves are hitting me right now.

“What’s the one thing in the world that you want most?”

“Anything?”

“Anything at all,” he said, a mischievous smile forming on his face. I swallowed again as I looked into his blue eyes. I wanted to drown in them, I almost laughed thinking that Luca was probably thinking the same thing. I was confused suddenly because that’s— that’s not really me, I mean that’s kind of gay and I’m not. I do want to kiss Charlie but just because I want to do a good job, right? Right.

I felt him squeeze my thumb and I blinked.

“I w– want–” I paused and took in a raggedy breath before I let it out in a shaky gasp. “I’d like a kiss.”

“Hmm,” he hummed, then glanced toward the “house”, really he was looking off to the side of the camera. “Go get one then, I’m sure there are plenty of girls willing.”

“Would you be? Willing that is,” I said, my voice vulnerable and questioning. Holding my breath for an answer I already know. But the thing was my head was all cloudy, all confused, like this moment wasn’t pre-written.

He blinked then shook his head slightly, a confused look passing over his face. Then anger as he pushed my hand away.

“Luc, what the fuck, that’s– that’s–”

He stood and I scrambled to my feet.

“Frankie, wait, wait!” I cried, grabbing his arm. I held him back as he turned to storm away. “I wasn’t kidding. I wasn’t making fun of you.”

“Luca what–”

“You said anything,” I said cupping the side of his face in one hand. I let out a shaky breath as I leaned my forehead against his own.

“Anything, Luc, and you want this?” He asked, looking up at me before his eyes closed.

“More than oxygen,” I answered, unsure at that moment who was speaking, Luca or me. I pushed through that confusing thought though.

“Okay,” Charlie breathed. Before he finished the whole word I was closing my eyes and pressing my lips to his. We’d pulled apart and looked at each other before I leaned my forehead against his again. “I think we have a lot to talk about.”

“I think we do,” I laughed and he laughed with me.

“Cut!” the director yelled. And I remembered where I was and who I was and who I was with. Coming back to myself didn’t really help the cloud in my own mind. It didn’t matter, it wouldn’t matter. This was Charlie's moment, or it would be, as he planned to come out when the season did. Whatever the fuck was going on in my head I’d figure it out when I wasn’t supporting him.

Kissing was easy after that though, it was second nature almost and less cloudy for my head. I convinced myself that it was just that first kiss with a boy that had freaked me out and I was over it after that. And I didn’t really do a lot of self reflection at that time.

We’d known there would be some backlash and some media attention. We hadn’t realised just how much there would be of either until the show was on the air. Not that we really cared about the backlash, it was loud but it was a minority. We didn't really have time to care much for what bigots had to say. Bigots including my brother, who gave me so much shit for playing a bisexual character. I ignored him. David was rarely home and I had even more of a reason to avoid talking to him, which was great actually. Papa was pissed as well, upset that no one had consulted him before that storyline was approved. Mum set him straight, he had no choice in the matter, I was eighteen and capable of making these decisions myself. I didn’t give Papa’s grumbling much mind, if he wanted to be more involved he wouldn’t have fucked off to France and barely answered my phone calls. He was just upset because, according to him, I’d always be a gay actor from now on. Which was such a bigoted narrow minded way of thinking that I just ignored it.

The media attention was honestly harder to deal with than the backlash. I tried not to care what my fans thought. It was hard though. I cared about my fans and separating the care I had for them as a group and the regard I had for their opinion was something I really had to reckon with. Most people were supportive of the storyline but a few people were vocal in that as straight men Charlie and I shouldn’t have portrayed queer characters.

That died down quite a bit once Charlie came out after the season premier. As attention shifted to Charlie being gay. At the time I was worried he might be resentful of taking the full brunt of that attention but he’d just shrugged it off. It was something he’d been prepared for since he decided to come out.

“The people that are happy for me get to stay and the rest get blocked,” he explained one night when we were hanging out in the flat Sai and I shared. I nodded and hugged him tight. I understood, even if I didn’t quite agree, no one but especially Charlie should have to deal with that.

After filming for season three wrapped I spent six months in Vancouver again filming the sequel to the action movie I’d starred in previously. Then there were more premieres, a voice acting role in an animated movie, photoshoots and interviews.

It wasn’t that the whole gang didn’t text or call or see each other, we did, but not like Charlie and I. Even though I shared a flat with Sai in London I probably spent more of my free time with Charlie. He happened to be in Vancouver filming a tv show he wouldn’t talk about. I let him keep his secrets for two reasons, it was none of my business really and he seemed so excited to have the secret in the first place.

We spent all of our free time together and honestly, that wass the first time I started to notice that my feelings for him were– different. Different from how I felt about Tara or Sai, who were probably my best friends aside from Charlie. I didn’t understand it at the time, not really. I knew that when Charlie said he had a date or he’d hooked up with someone it made me upset. Not angry really, but sad and okay, yeah a little pissed off, but not at Charlie. I would just have this feeling that I didn’t know what to do with or where to direct it. It took me until I was home in England to realise what I was feeling was jealousy.

Which I didn’t understand. It wasn’t like I wanted to date Charlie or kiss him or hook up with him. I was straight. I liked girls. I didn’t mind kissing Charlie or climbing all over him for filming. That wasn’t like a problem. And aside from our first kiss I’d never really been nervous or anxious or really anything but professional about kissing or touching Charlie. It wasn’t any different than kissing or touching Tara had been. It was part of the work and just something I dealt with.

At least that’s what I told myself before we came back to film season four. When Charlie came home he wasn’t alone.

When I’d gotten home I’d moved back in with Sai, of course. But Charlie— well he bought a flat but he’d also brought home the biggest prick I’d ever met. Ben Hope, just thinking his name gets me heated in the worst way. He was such a knob, generally, but especially towards Charlie.

I didn’t understand then how Charlie couldn’t see through the smarmy facade, through the rudeness disguised as banter. I just didn’t understand why Charlie put up with it. To me Charlie was so strong and confident, sure he was a bit shy and quiet but when it came down to it he could do whatever it was he wanted to do. Except, apparently, making his boyfriend treat him right. And that was the thing. It wasn’t just that Ben was horrible, it was that he didn’t even do the minimum. All the “boyfriend basics” were treated like accomplishments with Ben.

I didn’t say anything at first. How could I? When half of me thought I was still just being jealous and the other half didn’t think it was my place. It wasn’t until Sai of all people said something that I said something. If other people noticed then I couldn’t just let it go.

Ben had come to set a few times. Always walked around like he owned the place, going where he shouldn’t, like that couldn’t get Charlie in trouble. It was kind of a mess. I mentioned it offhandedly to Charlie but he brushed me off.

“He just didn’t realise” and “He’s sorry, it’s not a big deal” were becoming meaningless phrases. Like all of Ben’s “oops my bad” and the apologies that were so sarcastic it was almost funny. Almost. Only because Ben was a joke.

The longer he was around the less I saw of Charlie. Which, despite my growing feelings about him and my realisation that I might not be totally straight, would have been okay. If he was with anyone else, well anyone else who treated him well, I could have been happy for him. But— but he was my best friend and when I needed him he was off with some guy who didn’t even seem to like him. It made it really difficult not to be resentful.

It wasn’t my finest moment, when I finally confronted him.

“Char?” I called out as I knocked on his trailer door. I hadn’t seen Ben today and I was hoping that would continue.

“Nick! Hey!” Charlie said, opening the door. He paused for a moment hesitating then ushered me inside. I didn’t like that and I knew it was Ben. Before him we would have been in and out of each other’s space without a knock or a question. But Ben was the jealous type, despite everyone thinking I was straight. Ben didn’t like Charlie hanging out with even Isaac alone, and Isaac was ace!

“Hey,” I said, awkwardly, rubbing my hand on the back of my neck and the other on my jean covered thigh to get rid of the moisture on my palm. Both of my hands were sweating, I was so nervous about talking to him. But like I said, Sai had noticed, had asked me what Charlie was doing with such a dick like Ben.

Sweet, kind, giving, amazing Charlie. What was he doing with someone who always talked to him sideways like Ben did, who cancelled plans like Ben did, who gaslit him like Ben did? I guess before that moment Charlie having low self esteem never occurred to me. But I had no other explanation for Ben than that Charlie thought he deserved to be treated that way. Which was such bullocks.

“What’s up? You’re so— so nervous,” Charlie laughed awkwardly. I laughed too, my own as weird as his. We both knew something was up.

“So— so— I guess I’m just going to come right out and say it,” I said and Charlie’s eyebrows drew together. “I’m really worried about you.”

“About me? Why?”

“Why? Really? So many reasons! Ever since filming started— actually scratch that, ever since you met Ben, you’ve been pulling away from everyone.”

“I have not,” Charlie said, shaking his head. He crossed his arms, defensively, I thought.

“You have too, you really think I’d be saying this if you weren’t? Char, you’re my best friend, and like– I really need you right now. And I can tell you’re going through something, something bad, and I want to be there for you too,” I tried to explain, taking deep breaths and pausing a lot. Charlie was patient, like always, and let me get it all out but I could tell he was shutting down on me.

“Everything’s fine.”

“Is everything fine?” I asked, looking into his eyes. He looked back but only for a moment before his gaze flickered behind my head. I wanted to scream, to cry, to throw something. I could almost physically feel him pulling away from me.

“You seem like I should be worried about you,” Charlie said with a huff before he looked me back in the eye. I sighed then nodded.

“Maybe you should be,” I agreed. He seemed a bit taken aback by that, taking half a step back with my words. “I– I’ve been dealing with some– stuff and I really need you but Ben’s got you so wrapped up I never see you. No one ever sees you outside of filming.”

“I’m busy. I have a life.”

“Am I not a part of your life?”

“No Nick, you are just– things are changing. I have a boyfriend now and I need– I need to put him first,” he said shrugging, letting his arms drop but his stance was still defensive, still ready to bolt at the wrong thing. And I knew, I just knew that I’d be saying the wrong thing. I wasn’t clever like Charlie, how could I make him see something he so clearly didn’t want to.

“As if Ben puts you first,” I scoffed, shaking my head.

“He does.”

“He does not. Charlie be realistic, please, why are you with that absolute wanker.”

“He’s not! He’s– he’s– he’s my boyfriend.”

“He’s your boyfriend so that gives him permission to treat you like shit? To be rude and condescending? To take up all your time and isolate you from everyone?”

“Ben said you were jealous but I never— I never thought it’d be true. He said you’d be like this,” Charlie laughed, humorlessly, folding in on himself.

“Like what exactly? Like someone who cares about you?” I snapped. I couldn’t help it. I barely held back saying ‘like someone who loves you’. Charlie looked up at me sharply.

“Like someone trying to run my life!”

“That is not what is happening and you know it! Ben is isolating you. He’s not good for you, Char.”

“Jesus, do you hear yourself?”

“Do you hear yourself?”

We stared at each other for a while before I backed down.

“Look I’m going to go—”

“That’s probably for the best,” he snapped back and I scoffed, head shaking as I walked to the door.

“Char—”

“Nick just— just go, please,” he ordered, pointing toward the trailer door.

So I went.

I wish I could say, things were only weird for a little while, that we talked it out, he left Ben and it was all good. But I can’t say that. It isn’t what happened.

Truth is we were both much more stubborn than that. I wanted him to apologise and realise I was right. He wanted me to leave him alone (and I think he wanted me to be wrong, which I wasn’t). So we finished filming, professionals that we were, even as teenagers. We didn’t allow our shit to affect the show. But the moment “cut” was called we withdrew from each other.

Until finally we hadn’t talked, really talked, in weeks. I could have forgiven a lot of things but his completely ignoring me except on set was just— I just couldn’t do it. After everything we’d been through and all our years of friendship he threw it away over a guy I knew he knew was bad news.

Looking back I wish I’d been more understanding, but at the time the hurt was deeper than anything I’d felt before. Worse than any drama with my father or brother.

It wasn’t surprising when the show didn’t get picked up for another season. It had kind of run its course. I was pleased with the ending and so were the fans, for the most part, so we were pretty lucky in that regard.

My only regret was Charlie.

After the show ended we had nothing in common anymore. So we went our separate ways. Even though every day felt like a lifetime since we’d last talked. And every week was an age since I’d last seen him. Back then, I’d have given basically anything to just talk to him, to apologise. When I went to do so I got an undelivered text message and realised he’d blocked me. I couldn’t— I wouldn’t just bother him into forgiving me so I stepped back. Left him alone completely.

I wish I could say I was wrong, but I wasn’t.

A few years later Charlie and Ben blew up in the most public way. Right around Charlie’s twenty-second birthday. Charlie was in the middle of press for some big blockbuster war-time film. It was his big break really, with awards already being talked about as if they were a given. At the time Ben had gotten into acting, he wasn’t all that well known (or even good) but he did alright.

Then suddenly all anyone could talk about was Ben Hope cheating on Charlie Spring. Then Charlie was being admitted to hospital for— well no one would say, until a tabloid learned he was at a mental health facility. Thankfully his actual diagnosis wasn’t leaked. And then months later as suddenly as he’d disappeared Charlie was back. In front of flashing cameras at another premiere and in magazines, giving morning interviews. Talking about growth and acceptance of help and self-love and being single.

For a while I hoped he’d reach out. But weeks then months went by and I realised that whatever we had was gone. Finished. I needed to truly move on.

So then there was Imogen, a fellow actor, who was nice and bubbly but in the end we were better off as friends. Darcy, a model, who used me as a beard for 2.5 seconds before declaring themselves publicly a lesbian. I wasn’t too broken up about either and am still close with both of them today. Then there was Diana, and Faith, Ian, Audrey, Jose and finally Liam. And all the hookups in between. I’m not exactly proud of my “slag phase” as Darcy and Tara, who got together immediately after I introduced them, like to call it.

And coming out at twenty-eight wasn’t exactly easy. But I was with Ian at the time and he really helped me through it. Although that wasn’t too surprising, Ian was a lot like Charlie, if I’m honest it’s probably what drew me to him. And like I’d always thought Charlie would be like Ian was very supportive of my bisexuality.

I waited then too. Stupidly, thinking Charlie might reach out even though by that point it was almost a decade since we’d seen each other let alone talked.

—

I’ve been single for a few years now, needing to find myself a bit before I could be a partner for someone else. Which means I’m partnerless at thirty-three, but honestly I like it this way.

It does mean that I don’t have someone to share it with when I get another role. I mean yeah I can always call Mum or Tara and Darcy. I think maybe I’m getting to a place where I’m not so content with being alone. Which is something I’m realising might have a lot to do with the cast list for the new television show I’m starring in.

There right at the top alongside my own is: Charlie Spring.

No wonder we’d been cast without a chemistry read. They assumed we’d still have chemistry. I’m not so sure about that, it’s been well over a decade now.

I know better than that though. For me at least, it’s never gone away. When I see him on screen or in a magazine I still feel like I light up. I still feel the ghost of his lips against my own when I watch him kiss someone else, feel his hand on my arm when he laughs, feel the way his eyes would shine on me when he’d smile.

God, I’m such a sap. I mean, I always have been but I feel like it’s gotten worse with age and loneliness.

Filming starts in a week. I’ll be a professional, and I know he will be too. But it’ll be easier if we could have one private conversation.

So I do something I haven’t in a decade, I text him. I don’t even know if it’s still his number but I’ve got to try. And if he still has me blocked I don’t know what I’ll do next, I guess have my people call his people. The laugh I let out is hollow to my ears.

Nick: Hey Charlie, it’s Nick. Wondering if you’d like to meet before shooting.

Charlie: Hey!

Charlie: So good to hear from you. Yeah I’d love to meet and catch up.

Charlie: If that’s what you meant?

Nick: It definitely is.

Nick: 7 pm? Holly Bar?

Charlie: I’ll see you then.

I take way too long in the shower, then out of the shower on my hair, on my beard, on my clothes, on my shoes. It’s not a date, it’s not a date, it’s not a date, I repeat to myself as I change outfits for the third time. Finally I give up, ending up in dark wash jeans, that okay yeah do make my arse look amazing but that’s just jeans really, and a green knit jumper that makes my eyes pop.

It’s not a date, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to look my best. Charlie is still– even if this isn’t like– like a second chance for us, he’s still so important to me.

I’m a ten minutes early, and thankfully so, since the little chic bar I picked out like a fucking idiot, is packed. It’s fine, I think elbowing my way to the bar. I order a glass of red then find a table, a tall boy against the wall of windows and towards the back. I’m just sitting down when I see him walk by. He glances into the bar as he passes, sees me, grins, and waves. I wave back like a dork then watch as he hurries into the bar. He stops at the bar for a pint before finally making his way to the table.

“Hi,” I say standing as he sets down his glass on the table.

“Hi,” he replies, smiling at me softly. I sigh happily, dopily, I’m sure.

“So–”

“Hug?” He cuts me off and I nod immediately. We hug, my arms around his shoulders and his around my waist. It goes on and on and on, although I’m sure it’s barely a minute, if that long. When we pull apart we’re both grinning.

“That was nice,” I admit, too old for games at this point. He blushes and nods then moves to sit. “Yeah, sit, sit.”

I sit as well and we both sip at our drinks.

This is the hard part. Where to begin, where to start.

“How are–”

“I wanted to say–” He interrupts then stops, both of us laughing gently. “You go.”

“I was just going to ask how you are? I feel like you’ve been in so many features lately I’d have thought you were worked out.”

“Burned out you mean?” He asks, then shrugs. “I don’t know, I like it, you know that. Acting is all I’ve ever wanted to do.”

“I know,” I agree, then take another sip of my wine.

“And you’re not really one to talk Mister Mystery Star,” he says, grinning at me and poking fun at the half dozen or so crime shows I’ve starred in in the past couple of years. I’ve had my own whirlwind of work.

“Touche,” I say, raising my glass to him.

“Why didn’t you ever work in France?” he asks suddenly.

“My father,” I say easily, he nods in understanding. “If I’d have done one project there he’d have tried for full custody and he was, still is, a nightmare.”

“Hmm, David?”

“The same but slightly less bi and homophobic. He’s his wife’s fixer upper.”

“Christ,” Charlie laughs into his pint glass. “Good for her I guess.”

“Eh, she could do, should do, better for herself. But I guess I should thank her for making David tolerable at family functions.”

“Both can be true at the same time,” Charlie agrees with a nod. I smile and lean back against my seat just slightly.

“How is Tori?”

“She’s well. Married her– person Michael a few years back. Works on his team helping speed skaters become Olympians.”

“Amazing, truely, that sounds terrible and also incredible,” I say happily.

“That’s what I thought, it must be dull but then she likes it well enough. And she thinks acting is terribly boring.”

“She’s half right. It’s great once it’s going but the waiting around is killer,” I laugh and Charlie joins me, probably also thinking about all the down time on set, even on a well run production.

We continue catching up. Yes, I’m still in touch with Tara and Sai, I was best man at both of their weddings. Yes, he’s still in touch with Elle and Isaac. Elle’s set to marry his childhood best friend Tao in a few months actually. We talk about work, work, work. Then the holidays we’ve managed to slip in. We talk about everything and nothing until it’s last call.

“Shit, it’s late,” I say, checking my watch.

“I– I’m having such a good time,” Charlie admits and I nod.

“Me too– look I don't live fifteen minutes away. Can I make you a gin and tonic?”

“Alright,” Charlie says shyly as he stands.

The walk back to mine is quiet, silent compared to the easy way we’d fallen back into chatter before.

“Home sweet home,” I joke as I open the door to my penthouse flat.

“It’s lovely,” Charlie says looking around the minimalist decor.

“I’m mostly away from home honestly, so it helps to keep things tidy,” I laugh, watching Charlie move around my space. Something that hasn’t happened in so many years.

“Same honestly,” Charlie agrees, moving to sit on one of the loveseats in the lounge.

“How about that drink?” I ask, making my way to the small bar cart.

“Actually, I think three beers is enough for the night, how about a glass of water?”

“Coming right up,” I say, then move into the kitchen. I fill a pint glass for him and one for me then head back.

“Thanks,” he says, taking the cup from me and I’m careful not to let our fingers brush. I’m really not sure what will happen if I touch him again tonight. We sit with our waters and both try to figure out a way to restart conversation.

“I’m sorry,” he says a bit to loudly, startling me out of my rumination.

“Oh Charlie–”

“No, I need to say this,” he says, setting his glass on the glass coffee table. “I’m so sorry for how I acted back then. I– I was so stupid. I let Ben treat me horribly, abuse me actually, for years before I even tried to get out of it.”

“Charlie, that’s– you didn’t let him do anything, it’s extremely hard to get out of an abusive relationship. I don’t– I don’t blame you at all for how things fell out. I’m as much if not more at fault than you were.”

“Nick, that’s– that’s not true. I’ll go fifty-fifty but no more.”

“Agreed,” I laugh, then clear my throat. “How did you get out?”

“Well, having the whole world know you’re being cheated on kind of puts things in perspective. I just looked around and realised he was controlling my whole world. He was deciding what roles I took, who I could work with on my team, the whole thing. I couldn’t talk to anyone he didn’t approve of. The first person he cut me off from was you, I just didn’t realise it.”

“Oh Charlie,” I say, reaching out and taking his hand in mine, shaking my head.

“The only people he didn’t cut me off from were Tori and Tao. And that was only because he didn’t know I was still in contact with them.”

“Oh, Char, I– I’m so sorry–”

“No, please don’t. I– the last thing I want is your pity.”

“It’s not pity, it’s sorrow. I am terribly sorry that that happened to you, that you were treated so horribly. I wish– I wish I would have had more patience and grace for where you were coming from. I thought Ben was just a dick I didn’t realise he was so abusive. I’m sorry, I wish I could have– would have done things differently.”

“Nick,” he says resting a hand on my cheek. I lean into his palm like a cat seeking comfort.

Which is exactly what I’m doing. Seeking the comfort that rests in his touch, in his presence. Almost fifteen years have passed since we’ve interacted but he still makes me feel like I’m warm from the inside out. Still makes my heart race, my palms sweat, my head cloudy. I still want to kiss him, hold him, whisper to him all the ways I’m still, and have always been in love with him.

I can’t tell him all that without making him run screaming from the flat. So I say what I safely can, even if my voice is too raw and needy and true.

“I missed you,” I say and then immediately find myself with an arm full of Charlie. I don’t even know how he moved from one sofa to the other but I don’t care. He’s next to me again and I’m holding him as he sobs into my shoulder.

“I missed you,” he says, watery and sniffing. I smile as I pull back just enough to look at his face.

“No more tears,” I say, wiping away the wetness from his cheeks. Despite the wetness on my own face.

“The thing you were struggling with back then, the thing you said you needed me for was– was your bisexuality wasn’t it?”

“I– I– er, yeah it was,” I admit, I don’t want to make him feel bad but I won’t lie to him either. I waver on telling him the rest. Like that it was him that made me realise I liked boys in the first place. Or just how infatuated I was with him back then? How in love with him I was back then?

No, I decide, I should hold that back for now.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there like I should have been. I wish– I wish I could have listened but, I had Tori and Tao saying the same things you were and then you came along. And unfortunately said exactly what Ben said you would, he had me so convinced that everyone just wanted to tell me what to do. I wish I’d have listened,” he huffs a humourless laugh. “I wish someone would have forced me to listen.”

“No you don’t. Look at all you’ve done even with that twat drawing you down. You’re unbelievable Charlie,” I pause and decide to be a bit honest. “Do I wish things had worked out differently? Everyday!But they didn’t and we have now.”

“Every– everyday?” he asks and when I look at his face it’s all hopeful and happy, all tears gone away.

“Y-yeah, you were my best friend Charlie,” I admit and then I’ve got an armful of Charlie again.

“I missed you so much,” he says, burying his nose against my neck. I hum in agreement and hold him tightly to me.

When he pulls back he’s smiling.

“We’ll make up for lost time, right?”

“Yeah of course,” I agree, squeezing his hand in mine.

“Okay, then I think I should go,” he says, moving to stand.

“Go?” I ask a bit hysterically, jumping to my feet. I know it’s stupid but a part of me is terrified that everything will go back to how it was before once he walks out of my flat.

“Nick–”

“Don’t go, it’s late. You can sleep in my guest room.”

“Nick, I–” he trails off as his eyes search mine. And alright I know it’s probably not right but I’m making my most pathetic face that I can. “Oh gosh, alright, alright. Nick!”

He cries my name as I scoop him into another hug and swing him in a tight circle.

“It’s right this way,” I say, ushering him down a hallway. “There’s an ensuite loo and I’ll grab you something to sleep in from my room at the end.”

I gesture to his tight navy slacks and light blue knit jumper that won’t be very comfortable to sleep in.

“Alright,” he says as I walk away to my bedroom to grab him some clothes.

I find a pair of green joggers with a drawstring since he’s still two sizes smaller than me and an old t-shirt. When I turn around he’s in the bedroom doorway. Well not in the doorway so much as just inside the room– the room which is my bedroom. Which holds my bed.

“Oh, hey,” I say lamely and Charlie smiles.

“This okay?” he asks and I nod stupidly. I can’t speak. I can’t say no, but having him here is torture. I’m sure it’ll smell like him and I’ll do something really idiotic like have a wank and scare him off entirely. Accept, he’s here, he followed me in here. He’s walked over to my bed and is trailing his fingers over the footboard.

“Why don’t I sleep in here tonight?” he asks with the cheeky smirk I haven’t seen since I was nineteen, at least not directed at me. His adorable dimples pop out, almost winking at me.

I swallow thickly and shake my head, then hold out the clothing like that’ll help. Charlie walks over to me standing in my closet doorway. Takes the clothes and throws them in the general direction of the bed.

“Did you like me back then like I liked you?”

“I– I don’t know. I didn’t really like you, Char.”

“No? I guess I read this all wrong then.”

“No, not all wrong. I didn’t like you, I loved you. I was– I am - in love with you.”

“Were you?” he asks, voice full of awe as he looks up at me. “Are you?”

“Yes,” I say, voice clear and true, with a steadiness that belies how nervous I am. I’m all heart racing, palms sweating, head cloudy, all over Charlie Spring, again.

“Me too,” he giggles, reaching out and gripping my biceps. “It’s why I blocked you, I thought you must hate me and I couldn't deal with that. Not when I realised how right you were, about Ben and I realised how– how deeply I felt for you. Fell for you.”

“What are you saying exactly?”

“I loved you then and I love you now.”

I don’t move at first, don’t breathe, don’t think really. All that’s in my head is Charlie loves me, Charlie loves me, Charlie loves me.

I’m not as stupid as I seem. I know this is crazy. Being in love from afar after all these years would be insane. But I can’t help but gasp, and grin with hope.

I cup his face in both of my hands and then lean down. He meets me halfway in a chaste kiss. Which quickly becomes less chaste. Our hands explore each other’s bodies as our tongues explore each others’ mouths. Our moans and gasps and sighs fill the silence of the room and the flat.

“Come–” Charlie says, taking my hand and pulling me toward the bed.

“I–”

He stops and looks back at me.

“I can’t just do a one off, one night with you. I am in love with you and we have to work together, and–”

“Nick, sweetheart, I just– I just thought we’d be more comfortable making out on the bed. I didn't think we’d have sex. We have so much to talk about before then, but I’d really like to keep kissing you,” he explains, tugging my hand and I stumble after him.

“Wait, we should change, I have a feeling we’re going to fall asleep,” I say, glancing at the bedside clock. It’s morning, early early morning but technically it’s ‘tomorrow’. He nods while I escape to the closet to change and catch my breath.

This is the most amazing turn of events. Never in–okay only in my wildest dreams did I imagine Charlie and I making out tonight.

“Ready?” I call once I’m in sweat shorts and a vest, although I usually sleep shirtless. I want to respect Charlie’s, and my own, boundaries about not having sex tonight.

“Yeah,” he says and God I missed that voice. I smile as I come out of the closet, ha!

“Brush your teeth?” I ask motioning toward the en suite. Once inside I get him a toothbrush and we stand side by side brushing our teeth. It’s so domestic and sweet it makes me ache. Once we’re finished we head back to the bedroom.

I watch him climb into bed, smiling at him as he does so then I follow suit. Once we're situated I tell my Google I’m going to bed, which initiates the sequence which turns off all the lights but the bathroom, which is low. The cracked open door provides just enough light for me to make out the features of Charlie’s face.

“You’re so beautiful, Char,” I whisper in the semi-darkness.

“Oh, Nick,” Charlie sighs. He reaches up and cups my face in his hands and then he kisses me. And kisses me, and kisses me. I sigh against his lips and kiss him back.

I’m right and we do end up falling asleep from one kiss to the next.

In the morning, I wake and get about five full minutes of tracing his beautiful features with my eyes before his own flutter open.

“Watching me sleep?” He yawns, stretching large and wrapping a thin arm around my chest. I snuggle into him, my nose pressing into his neck.

“Maybe,” I mumble against his skin. I press a quick kiss there before rolling away, but only enough to see his face again, delighting in the way his hand spasms and tightened against my back when he thought I was moving away.

“Creep,” he giggles softly burying his face in the pillow and I know he actually likes it. I wonder if the guys he’s been seeing haven’t been showing him the attention he deserves.

“Breakfast?” I ask after pressing quick gentle kisses to his lips, nose and forehead. I frown a bit as his face does something complicated before landing on guilt. He takes in my expression before his own turns resolute.

“Yes but— but I’ll need to know what you have,” he says in such a way that it has weight to it. I nod carefully and we head out into the kitchen.

“Looks like I’ve got some fruit, eggs, bread for toast or French toast, sausages and bacon,” I say leaning into the fridge. When I finish listing off ingredients I stand up and catch Charlie staring at my ass. “Charlie!”

“Am I not allowed to look all of a sudden? Because respectfully you’ve had your arse out in a lot of projects and I have looked.”

“Charlie!” I cry in a scandalised voice. He laughs then waves me away.

“I’ll just have some fruit and eggs if that’s alright.”

“Of course it is,” I say, a bit confused. “Why— uh why wouldn’t it be? I mean I’m going to eat more, is that— is that okay?”

I feel like a dunce the moment I speak. Realising that he might still be healing from Ben, but he cuts off my thoughts with a harsh laugh.

“It’s fine. Ugh, this is always awkward. I mean I don’t tell many people. But— I have an— an eating disorder, anorexia-“

“Char,” I interrupt quickly, closing the fridge and crossing the kitchen to him. I grab his hand in both of mine. Looking into his beautiful dark eyes.

“No— I want— I need you to know this. It’s important,” he says again with such a weight to his voice. I nod as he continues. “I have a lot of rules about eating that com from the OCD. And I get seriously depressed sometimes, like, I mean I can’t even move and I’m moody and—”

“Char if you’re trying to get me to back out or throw you out or something it’s just not going to work.”

“Nick—“

“No I’ve— I’ve waited years for you. And nothing, no diagnosis or bad days are going to scare me off. I’ll learn your rules if I have to. I’ll take care of you on your low days. I want— I want to be there for you Charlie.”

“Nick it’s— it so much,” Charlie says and I can see him closing in on himself.

“Not to me it isn’t. And besides, I get moody and snappish. Maybe I’ll be too much for you?”

“Never,” he says, wrapping a hand around the back of my neck and pulling me in for a kiss. It’s deep and full of longing and sorrow and brilliance. It’s an apology for pushing me away and gratitude that I won’t leave all in one. And I try to give as good as he gives. Thanking him for trusting me, apologising for ever leaving him.

“I love you,” I murmur against his lips.

“I love you,” he returns, lips lifting into a smile against my own.

“That’s what you were in the hospital for?” I ask knowing the answer. He nods solemnly. I nod as well in understanding. “I wish I could have been there for you.”

“You are now,” he says as if it’s enough. Maybe it is.

I have no big revelations. So I tell him what I do have. A somewhat disastrous dating history. I tell him about Imogen and Darcy, the exes I’m still friends with. Close friends, best friends.

“That is the gayest thing I’ve ever heard, but it’s unsurprising,” he laughs over his fruit and eggs. He even steals a corner of my toast when I tell him it’s homemade bread.

“Yeah, Immy makes a lot of “Nick Nelson is a lesbian” jokes.”

“You do seem to fit some of the stereotypes.”

“You don’t know the half,” I laugh ducking my head embarrassed. I explain about Diana and Jose, both of whom were first dates that just never ended, until the relationships bombed out. Faith and Audrey, who I was more attracted to physically than emotionally, and who I was embarrassed to say I hurt badly.

“Yeah but not on purpose,” he interrupts, laying a hand on my arm.

“I still did it, I still feel bad for it. I really lead both of them on despite knowing our relationships weren’t going anywhere and that something serious was what they wanted,” I explain. When I glance at Charlie he has an unreadable expression on his face.

“You really are something else, you know that?”

“Is that good or bad?” I wonder, blushing under his gaze.

“Oh it’s good, very very good.”

And then I tell him about Ian, the first guy I dated, the one I came out with. The guy I dated basically in place of Charlie. He laughs when I tell him this and nods.

“I always wondered. He does look a touch like me,” he jokes, noting the fact that he and Ian could be brothers. And personality wise as well, which I tell him, which makes him laugh harder. And finally I tell him about Liam. The last person I dated. A sweetheart of a guy who also reminded me of Charlie.

So much so that I finally recognized the patterns I was in. Jumping in head first into relationships and clinging on for dear life. A bit a drift myself and using my partner’s as life rafts.

“I think the biggest complaint I get is I’m too intense. And not— not just at the beginning. Like the whole time. I like time with my partner, a lot of it, and I’m clingy and emotional.”

“I think I can handle it, Nick,” Charlie says squeezing my arm under his hand.

“You won’t let me scare you off?”

“Never.”

After breakfast we clean up a bit in the kitchen before heading back to the bedroom. After teeth are brushed and faces washed, we head back to bed to make out for a few more hours.

It feels like we’ve unloaded a lot of the heavy stuff, but I know this is just the tip of the iceberg on Charlie Spring as a partner. And I can’t wait to find out more. And I plan to be chill— to try to be chill— to remember we have time.

When he leaves I know he’s coming back.

After a day apart he does come back. And the next day and the day after that. Until my home is our home. It’s only been a few months, and yes Tara and Darcy never let it go.

We live together, and work together. We laugh and argue and drive each other batty and we love each other fiercely.

I’m not naive enough to think everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows. This isn’t one of my movies.

I know, however, that everything is going to be us.

Everything is going to be done together, forever. And honestly, that’s a bit like a movie.