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Apparently what happened when you let a royal daughter choose her own husband was, she waited for ten years while she made a name for herself being utterly mad - that is, very brave and fearless - and then ran into some Irish prince to save from a sea-monster, and coincidentally lost any of her sense of humour.
That was Hamish's opinion, at any rate, expressed to himself soon after Merida had caught all three of her brothers by the ear, shaken them, and said, "If any one of you messes up my wedding, I'll find a way to turn you lot back into bears, hunt you down, skin you and make a rug for my bed-chambers, is that clear?" and then shaken them again.
Seeing as by now they were almost a foot taller than her and had to bend over to let her keep hold of their ears (or to avoid having them torn off, depending on how you decided to look at it), the shaking came with extra yanking and winces from all three boys - especially Hubert and Harris, whose ears she had in one hand, which pressed their faces together and meant their noses knocked when she shook them.
That wasn't actually terribly intimidating, because of that bit where she stood near a foot shorter than they and about half the size. The threat was a little moreso, but not a lot, as Merida avoided magic like a flame dodged the sea these days. It was the look their mother shot over her daughter's shoulder - a look which still had more than a bit of a giant damn bear in it, when she wanted - that warned of far more dire consequences if they crossed her, along with their father's worried look behind that.
"There's three of us," Harris complained. "Y'd have to make three rugs."
"My babies' rooms'll need rugs," Merida retorted. Her face took on a look a bit less amusing and a bit more threatening, and that stubborn set to her jaw that anyone who spent any time around her knew meant things were winding their way towards a fight.
"Right, right, right," said Hamish, shooting his brothers a firm look and trying to think shut it, will you? so loud maybe they could hear him. "We're not going to ruin anything, are we?"
He kicked Hubert in the knee before he could ask what exactly ruin meant under these circumstances, because sometimes Hubert had no sense at all.
When their sister let them go and Hamish dragged his brothers out onto the walls to avoid any further attack of wedding-related . . . well, anything, but especially chores and duties, Harris made a hmphing sound. "Why's she marrying that Irish ponce anyway?" he muttered, and Hubert elbowed him in the ribs as they all looked out over the readily visible, non-fog-mired view and shared the cake and small cask of ale Hubert had stolen from the kitchens earlier.
"How many times are y'going to need an answer for that?" Hubert demanded. "I mean, y've been given nigh a hundred and she doesn't care what you think anyway, and I'm sick of hearing you complain."
"Yeah," Harris grumbled, "but he's so . . . he's so dull, isn't he, I mean - "
"For the love of little blue fairies," Hamish said, glaring, "will you shut yer whining already? Merida's marrying him, anyway, not you."
"Yeah, but he'll be living here, won't he," Harris retorted. "He's a second son, isn't he, he'll bring his war-party over here and we'll be stuck with him and that stuff he calls poetry and - "
"You'd rather Merida went with him, then?" Hubert countered and Harris looked affronted.
"Of course not," he said, "then we'd have to go with her and that'd be the most bloody boring thing we've ever done in our lives, and that's my point, isn't it, this whole - "
"You know what," Hamish cuts his brother off, "you go tell Merida that, why don't you, and Hubert and I'll sit up here and watch. You're outnumbered, so quit your moaning - Merida likes him, Dad likes him, Mother likes him, Hubert and I don't care, and the other chiefs'll even admit he's not a complete waste of air and skin."
"Young Mackintosh don't like him," Harris tried as one last volley and his brothers both gave him a look of true disgust.
"You're sharing an opinion with that one, then?" Hubert demanded.
"Besides, he only doesn't like him because he's been treasuring the delusion that Merida would ever change her mind about him," Hamish said, decisively.
"Which is no mean feat," Hubert added. "Since last time he came around trying to court she threatened to put an arrow through his eye-socket."
At that, even Harris had to nod; their mother had been a little put out at Merida's reversion to total savagery, but then, the idiot had tried to surprise Merida in her own chambers.
He insisted he hadn't meant anything by it but courting and Hamish thought Young Mackintosh was just about stupid enough that that could be the truth, and figured their mother felt the same. Also, it still bothered their mother when Merida went around drawing attention to the fact that her shooting and riding weren't purely a matter of exercise but actually ended with arrows sticking out of people sometimes. Only deserving people, but still.
Da had actually threatened to cut the fool's - well, cut short any chance of there being a next Lord Mackintosh from that particular heir, but Mum had calmed him down about it after a while. But apparently being shoved up against the wall and having an arrow held right at your eyelid leaves and impression.
Harris finally shut up and they all drank in silence for a while until Hubert said, in a tone of deep sadness, "You realize we just promised to behave ourselves all the way through the wedding. You realize how boring that's going to be."
"I thought of that," Hamish said. "And bright and early tomorrow morning, we're going boar-hunting."
His brothers thought about that for a moment and then Harris sighed, gloomy. "Mum'll make us take some of his party with us if they want to come."
Hamish's temper snapped a little and he chucked his last piece of cake at Harris' head, something he regretted almost immediately. "Well fine then," he snapped, "y'can stay here and be sent around lifting things and putting up bunting and scrubbing things and listening to Mum fret and Merida try not to roll her eyes at her and Da going on about his precious little girl and - "
"I didn't say I didn't want to come!" Harris cut him off, hastily. "I just said - "
"I'll take some Irish tag-alongs in order to get out of this castle," Hamish retorted.
"Besides," Hubert added, "if y'stay, you'll see Merida mooning. I'm reliably informed she's in complete moon about the man."
"Boar-hunting," Harris agreed. Then he looked thoughtful for a moment and said, "Maybe we can get some of the tag-alongs lost."