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Salvador had seen badonkadonks before, but he was sure they were nothing the loco teenager thought they were. However, it was probably the best way to get a good shot at Handsome Jack's train. It was probably the only shot. To stop Jack from getting to the Vault, he needed to recover Jack’s vault key. Roland, the head of the Crimson Raiders, had sent him to a little place in Three Horns called Tundra Express to see Tiny Tina, who was more than happy to settle up her debt with Roland, provided Salvador bring back the explosive packages that were the main boom component of her rockets.
Alright. Two "badonkadonks" and the loco little girl will make Jack's train go boom. It wouldn't be so bad. Plus, there would be bandits! Badonkadonks, sure, but he was going to get to blow up more bandits! Satisfied, he hoisted his heavy assault rifle on his shoulder and began to head to the bandit camp in three horns.
The sound of bullets, no matter how exciting it was to Salvador, also told him that he wasn't the only one there. Concerned someone might get to his target first, He quickened his pace, and as the camp came into view, he saw arcs of electricity and heard terrified shouts amongst the chaos.
"Somebody kill that crazy bitch!"
"I've got...Arrrhgagh!"
A corpse fell from a sentry post, bones cracking as it hit the ground near the gunzerker's feet. He looked up to see a hovering mech sporting a wicked claw. Back on the ground, not twenty feet away, a young red-haired woman threw her hands up in celebration. "Fuck yeah, Deathtrap!"
Salvador had been on Pandora for quite a while now. He'd seen a lot of things. He saw a commando so badass that he could only be married to his turret, a fucking ninja assassin could turn a bad guy into sushi while writing a haiku about it, and then there was a bonafide Siren, glowy loco magic and all. Despite all of those things, Salvador had never seen anything like her. She was shorter than he was, barely an adult, but just as fierce, and there she was in the middle of it all, guns blazing.
The strange woman danced into the waves of crossfire. For the few moments that Salvador watched, she seemed to be holding her own. However, even though Deathtrap was thinning out the crowd with each slash the fight still seemed stacked against her. Intrigued, and ready to kill some bandits of his own Salvador brought his assault rifle to bear and marched into the fight. He announced his arrival with a spray of bullets that managed to take the bandits by surprise. Within a few moments, the bandits were in total disarray. Salvador’s excitement grew with each corpse his fire left on the ground. So much that he finally pulled out a second rifle and let loose with a full gunzerk, sending the bandits running in earnest. Between Salvador, Deathtrap, and the mysterious young woman, who was now cheering for both Deathtrap and the really badass looking short guy, the fight was over in minutes.
Without any bandits to interfere, Salvador was able to search freely for Tina’s badonkadonks. The first he found on a tool bench. The woman was holding the second, examining it closely. As Salvador moved closer, he could hear her muttering to herself as she turned the device over in her hands.
"It's got a label here, 'Felicia...sexypants?' DT, it's like it was made for me!" She looked up at Salvador, "I love this planet! I mean it's got these, and you! I mean, that was so awesome! Just how much muscle are you packing into that short little package?" The woman was on Salvador before he could respond, measuring their height. "I'm not too far off either! I'm Gaige. Just got here," she tucked the badonkadonk under her metal arm and held out her other hand.
Not sure what to think, because thinking was too distracting, Salvador took her hand and shook it, nearly lifting Gaige off of the ground, "Hola, I'm Salvador."
"What brings you to the Pandora then? I just got here, still getting a feel for it," she shuffled her feet in the sand, "but Deathtrap, that's DT to you, is getting some great field tests. He's my pal here, " she pointed to the bot hovering menacingly behind her. It turned its gaze to Salvador before dissipating in a wave sparks. "Don't worry about him. Busy day, needs his beauty sleep."
Salvador nodded slowly, "I'm a Vault hunter."
"Vault? You mean like a treasure vault?"
“Si.”
“Okay…so where is it? Is it here?” Gaige looks around excitedly.
“No. But that is,” he points at the badonkadonk in her hand.
“Felicia Sexypants here?” she held up the badonkadonk and shook it lightly, “Does the bomb know where the booty is?”
“Badonkadonks are for stopping Handsome Jack’s train. He’s got they key“ He held up the first bomb, “I’ll need both badonkadonks.”
“So you’re telling me I have just enough badonkadonks for you?” she waved her hips before offering the second explosive. “I can give it to you, one condition though. I get to come with you.”
Salvador considered her for a moment. He wasn’t necessarily sure what he thought about her, but he was running low on time, and she and that loco bot of hers could come in handy, “Alright then, amigo. Let’s go.”
The pair returned the two badonkadonks to Tiny Tina’s workshop. She cheered at them excitedly before shuffling them out of her garage, “Awesome! Just a secko! Dis gon’ be gooood! Now y’all go be alone now, while I have some time with my ladies!” She slammed the garage door behind them and sped off to work.
While they waited, Gaige rocked back and forth on her heels, waiting on Salvador to notice her. For five minutes (and eight tiny rap songs from Tina), Salvador kept watching the door, staunchly ignoring her. It wasn’t until Gaige began to whistle along with Tina’s rendition of “I’m a little teapot” that the gunzerker finally had enough.
“What do you want, chiquita?” he asked, face in exasperation.
Gaige offered him smile, and shuffled her feet for a minute. “So…that thing you did back at the camp.”
“What thing?” Salvador tilted his head.
“The thing you do, you know, with the guns and the two and the PBFLEEBRRTT!” she held up her hand and mechanical arm into fists to mimic holding two machine guns at once.
“Gunzerking!? I love gunzerking!” Delighted at the thought, he pulled his assault rifles and showered the cave ceiling with bullets, warranting a few congratulatory explosions and a “YEEEAH! DO IT!” from Tina’s garage.
“Yeah. That,” She nodded at him enthusiastically, “I wanna do it.”
Salvador looked between Gaige and Tina’s closed garage door. He seemed confused, “Gunzerking? Or…”
Gaige’s grin widened as she sidled up next to him, “The guns.”
Salvador still looked undecided, but decided to go with the former choice. “But you can’t gunzerk, Chika. You’ve got that big metal arm. Unless you make it gun…”
“But then I couldn’t work as well with DeathTrap!” she looked disheartened, but considered her arm for a few moments, imagining marching into a fight with a machine gun arm blazing, with maybe some acid, and a total badass claw of her own, but the idea of leaving behind Deathtrap was enough to put it out of her mind…for now. However, she had another idea, “What if…I helped you?”
“Help gunzerk? How?”
Before Gaige could come up with an answer, Tina returned from her garage sporting two hastily stuffed bunnies mounted onto launch assemblies. “That’s right bitches,” she gestured to the bunnies, “twinssss. One for each of you! Take em. Take em take em take em take em take em!”
With Tina's creations, now complete with badonkadonks in tow, the pair set off to the Meltwater Crossing, a small valley installation. A bridge that served as a railroad crossing ran just above it, making it the perfect area to launch the damsels. As the two entered the main area, the click of assault weapons in their direction announced the presence of a hyperion assault squad. Salvador jumped in front of Gaige, bringing his rifle to bear on them. Gaige watched him for a moment, taking the time to select the heaviest gun from her arsenal before charging in. She called deathtrap to help out, and the bot slashed through GUN loaders stumbling through a nearby loading dock.
"So, Sal, can I help now?" she let loose a wild machine gun spray. Despite her haphazard shooting, bullets seemed to arc back into their targets, richocheting off of nothing into multiple bodies.
Salvador was too distracted by his own gun battle to do more than yell back an answer, "Nah. Too small. Don't need help with this amigo! I've got this! He began to laugh madly and break into gunzerk, reducing the team to not much more than a mass of Hyperion uniforms and molten lead bits.
Satisfied they’d meet no other opposition to set the explosives into place, the pair climbed up to the top of a sentry platform. Salvador directed Gaige to install her damsel on a railing next to his, taking care to aim both directly at the bridge overhead. Salvador nodded his approval at their handy work and he activated his ECHO communicator to contact Tiny Tina.
“Just in time son! I hear the traaaaaaaaain comin’!” The pair heard the explosives arm as Tina began a countdown, “Ten, nine…” the rockets sailed into the air, colliding with the bridge. The resulting explosion collapsed the entire bridge. The oncoming train came crashing down along with it, leaving a trail of wrecked cars, tracks, and piping up to the ledge where the rest of the train was crashed. Tina’s voice wasn’t the slightest bit concerned, “I got bored, but there you go! Climb up that pipe into the train, or you’ll go insane. What what. There’s another rap song for you.”
As Tina’s voice faded, they just stared at each other. Salvador shrugged hopped off of the platform and Gaige quickly followed. When they made it to the pipe, Salvador reached down to help Gaige climb the pipe, but to his surprise, she summoned Deathtrap, which was able to lift both of them up to the ledge.
The view from the ledge was fire and chaos scattered on the ice. The train had derailed, sending it’s carts cascading across the ledge. Some had gone over, but most were crumpled together near the edge. As the two approached the train wreckage to look for the Vault key, the ground began to rattle, Salvador grabbed Gaige’s arm and pulled her back as one of the train cars landed less than ten feet from them. Now clear of the car, what looked to be a giant gun loader got to its feet, guns trained on the two Vault Hunters.
Salvador’s ECHO communicator came to life, and the voice of Roland, head of the Crimson Raiders, rattled through the static, “Get out of there now soldier! That’s not any loader, that’s Wilhelm! Abort! Trust me, you cannot handle Wilhelm!”
“So, whadda ya think shorty?” she sidled up next to Salvador and flashed him a mischievous grin, “How ‘bout now?”
To her delight, the Gunzerker turned off his ECHO and pulled out his assault rifles, “Si.”
“Stack em Up!” With a quick leap, Gaige perched herself onto Salvador’s shoulders and cheered, “I got just the thing!” She produced a heavy rocket launcher, balancing it on Salvador’s head. “Let’s do it!”
As they raced toward Wilhelm, the hail of bullets, and Hyperion loaders, Salvador’s cheeks turned the slightest shade of red before the smoke of rocket and machine gun fire hid his smile.