Chapter Text
Dear diary,
I dont know what love feels like, but when Heeseung sends me that charming smile of his i think i know a lot more than i think. I know he’ll never love me back, but does he have to make me of all people be the person to help him with all his girl troubles? God if i have to hear about another problem he has with Karina i might kill myself. I’m pretty content being just a part of his life, but i will always wonder what its like to be loved, and not just love. Hopefully this last year of high school will be the last time i have to feel this way, unrequited love isnt really my style, maybe also this is the last year i have to stay in the closet. Who knows? Everyone says senior year feels different than the rest, I just hope mine keeps me close to Heeseung.
———
”Sunoo! Come on, you can write about your wet dreams later were gonna be late!” Heeseung yells from outside the art room. Sunoo rolls his eyes before turning around seeing the older gesturing with his hands for Sunoo to hurry up. The blonde boy sighs and gets up sliding all of his stuff into his bag.
Heeseung walks over and grabs his Diary off the desk. “Ive never seen a boy so adamant about writing a journal so bad” Sunoo heart skips a beat when Heeseung almost starts turning pages. He snatches it out of the raven haired boy’s hands and slams it back onto the desk.
“First of all mind your business, second of all didnt anyone ever teach you anything about not touching things that dont belong to you?” Sunoo sends daggers at the other boy, who actually shows fear in his eyes. “Dont worry Sunoo i wont go through your precious little girly diary” He mocks. Sunoo rolls his eyes and grabs his diary and shoves it in his bag.
At least he thinks he does, He doesnt hear as it slides off the side landing on the chair beneath it. Leaving it unattended as he walks to class with his best friend, unbeknownst to him that his whole world is about to be turned upside down.
“Any plans after school Noo?” Heeseung lets out as they continue walking. Sunoo blushes at the nickname that his best friend has called them since they were kids. Only he had ever called him that and Sunoo planned to keep it that way. “Nah probably just studying you already know how important it is for me this year”
Heeseung lets out a loud groan and walks forward and turns to Sunoo walking backwards while they make their way to first period. “Please for the love of god Sunoo, live a little i know its Senior year and you wanna get into your dream college but god you’re such a square” Sunoo internally winces at the sound of Heeseung berating him for his own choices.
“God Heeseung you dont have to be so rude to him”
The two best friends turn to see star quarterback Sunghoon Park walking right next to him. “Isnt that your best friend? Maybe you should start taking school more seriously instead of bullying your friend in the middle of the hall” Sunghoon walks off. Heeseung scoffs, walking next to Sunoo again. “Sunghoon thinks he’s hot shit just because he glo’d up after middle school. I wasnt that mean right Sunoo?”
Sunoo doesn’t say anything, just gives him a half smile and shake his head. This isnt something new for Heeseung, he always had called Sunoo boring, it wasnt his fault he took school more seriously and didnt feel like partying like his best friend. But it definitely did hurt to hear the boy you like talk about you like he does, but Sunoo claims he doesnt care.
“Alright here you are” Heeseung stops in front of Sunoo’s class. “Hey ill see you at lunch I did wanna tell you what Karina did to me last night she can be such a bitch-“
“Heeseung I’ll see you later” Sunoo stops him, already mentally exhausted from what hes gonna have hear later. They have a routine of Heeseung walking him to his first period, then hanging out at lunch, then walking him to his class after they eat. It was an easy routine that Sunoo was use to, Sunoo sometimes let his mind wander and let himself believe its like they were dating, but Sunoo reminds himself always not to fall too much into the fantasy.
Heeseung watches as Sunoo sits in his seat, making sure he makes it to class fully, then walks off heading to his own class. He spots Sunghoon talking to Jennifer Huh, right outside his first period.
“I just think you’re a little immature”
“Immature? You’re only saying that because you started talking to some dude from college!” Sunghoon raises his voice earning stares from everyone.
“See you’re causing a scene, like a child.” Jennifer looks around then at her watch. “I’m gonna be late for class, just so you know that this is me officially breaking up with you” She walks off before Sunghoon could even get a word out. Heeseung laughs as he looks at Sunghoon’s face.
“Damn tough luck buddy, at least you can start senior year single!” Heeseung pats his back as he walks into the class.
Sunghoon rolls his eyes and makes his way inside the class as well.
———
The rest of the day goes off smoothly, Sunoo and Heeseung do their usual routine. The younger walks out the school building and spots Heeseung and Karina arguing again outside of the olders car.
“Why can’t you just take me home? You’re taking Sunoo home!” Karina yells. Heeseungs rubs his temples with his fingers. “Karina you broke up with me last night im not taking you home, and besides you live across town and Sunoo lives right next to me!” Karina groans loudly, and storms off while giving Heeseung the finger.
“Jeez could you and her be any more loud?” Sunoo says as he walks to Heeseung’s car. The older sighs and unlocks the doors and the two get inside. “She never understands our relationship at all, she always bring you up in every argument i swear.”
He’s right, its a reoccurring theme in the fights the two have, its always “but you do this for sunoo and not me” or “why does Sunoo get everything and i dont” etc. Sunoo and her have just never gotten along, Sunoo jealous shes with Heeseung, and her for some reason always threatened by his presence.
“Well do you think she meant it this time with you two breaking up?”
“Nope, knowing us we’ll probably be back together tomorrow” Heeseung chuckles, Sunoo rolls his eyes at that answer and turns the volume up on the radio.
“Wait did you hear about Jennifer and Sunghoon?” Heeseung says pushing Sunoo’s hand off the volume switch. Sunoo shakes his head.
“Yeah she totally dumped him for some college dude”
“But theyve been together since like 8th grade”
“I know thats why its so funny, you kept the girl for so long only to lose her to some random in college” Heeseung laughs as he turns into their neighborhood.
”Its insane i remember when we were all hella close in middle school and those two were inseparable everyone thought theyd be together forever” Sunoo reminisces from the good old days. “Yeah from what i heard the college guy is Yeonjun Choi, last year captain of the basketball team, but thats just a rumor going around but thatd be insane if it were true” Heeseung lulls into his driveway.
“Poor Sunghoon…”
“Nah he deserves it, he gets everything handed to him, this is the one time he lost something” Sunoo looks at the olders disgusted look on his face. “What’s your problem with him you haven’t taken your foot off his neck this entire day?”
“He just annoys the fuck out of me thats all” Sunoo rolls his eyes and they both exit the car. Heeseung watches as Sunoo makes it to the front door and waves at him. “Hey I cant take you to school tomorrow by the way! Gotta take my sister to school in the morning” Sunoo lets out a loud sigh. “Fine you hate me and you want me to die!” Sunoo fakes a pout before smiling widely and gives him a big wave before disappearing into his house. Heeseung smiles at the sight before walking into his own home.
———
Sunoo sits at his desk and digs in his bag in a panic. “Where the fuck is my journal?” He almost yells. He dumps the contents of his bag onto his bedroom floor and pushes it all around. Tears pushing out his eyes. He pulls out his phone and calls Heeseung.
“Have you seen my journal anywhere?” He says panic overtaking his voice.
“Woah calm down, I havent seen it last i remember you told me not to touch it” Heeseung says softly trying not to make the younger panic anymore. He hears Sunoo groan, “Okay fuck, thank you for nothing i gueess” Heeseung is taken aback when the line goes dead.
“Well that was rude” Heeseung whispers, setting his phone down.
Sunoo starts pacing around his room, thinking of every possible place it could be. Until his mind moves in the direction of the worst possible scenario.
Someone finding it and leaking the contents of it outing him of all his internal thoughts. He drops to his knees and hopes to god someone with a heart found it and wont be an asshole and do that to him.
All he knows is if it does get leaked… this happy routine he has with Heeseung is over.
———
Sunoo sits in the bus, nervousness taking over his body. He decided to try and calm his nerves by sliding his headphones on and looking out the window. He calmly listens to music until he feels the seat’s weight shift next to him. The presence taps on his shoulder. Sunoo turns to reveal Jungwon Yang resident gay kid at their high school. He gestures Sunoo to take his head phone’s out.
“So is it true?” Sunoo raises an eyebrow at him.
“Oh you dont know” Jungwon eyes widen, he slips his phone out of his pocket and taps on it for a few seconds, Sunoo watching as he grips the seat until his knuckles go white. Jungwon flips his phone in Sunoo’s face.
All of the pages of Sunoo’s diary are plastered all over Instagram. There was whole page dedicated to posting his journal entries, and the one with the most likes is the one where hes detailing his love for his best friend Heeseung. Sunoo whole world was collapsing and Jungwon is sitting there in front of him like this shit is normal.
”So? Is it real? From what i heard no one cares youre gay everyone kind of suspected that, what people are really surprised about is how in love you are with Heeseung Lee. Like that boy is straight like really fucking straight, plus isnt he dating Karina-“
”Please shut up” Sunoo interrupts. The bus pulls into the school, and he climbs over Jungwon and rushes out the bus. As he enters the school he can feel everyone’s eyes on him. Pointing at their phones then pointing back at him. He tries to put a brave face on, as he fights back the panic and the tears pushing through his eye sockets.
“Is it true?”
”Is that him, yeah he definitely looks gay, not the predatory type though”
“He likes Heeseung Lee? I thought that dude was straight”
Sunoo continues to hear all the whispers as he rushes to the art room. He slams the door behind him as his tries to catch his breath, but it all comes crashing down when he feels his phone blowing up getting call after call from Heeseung. “What the fuck did i do to deserve this?”
He falls to the floor and buries his face into his hands as he sobs. He genuinely thinks his life is over, he thinks how disgusted Heeseung must feel knowing that Sunoo likes him and is just so terrified to hear anything from the older. He looks at his watch and realizes if he doesn’t leave now hes gonna miss class. He opens rhe door and looks both ways making sure there was no sign of Heeseung and speed walks to class rubbing his face clearing all the tears.
As he walks down the hall he hears people complaining to someone about pushing. Sunoo turns and spots Heeseung, whos tearing through the crowds of people. Sunoo panics and starts speed walking forward.
“Sunoo wait!” He hears his best friend behind him.
Sunoo runs into Sunghoon, slamming against his chest, Sunghoon catches him wrapping his arms around him, Sunoo knocking the wind out of the quarterback.
“Sunoo!” Heeseung is just a few steps behind the two.
Sunoo doesnt know why he thought this was a good idea.
He looks up at Sunghoon, and wraps his hands around his face and pulls him into a kiss. He hears gasps from people surrounding him and sounds of cameras clicking.
Heeseung watches the scene displayed in front of him, and scoffs, shaking his head and walking the other way.
Sunoo holds the kiss for a little not even realizing Sunghoon was just waiting for him to let go, not an ounce of resistance from the quarterback. Sunoo pulls away and turns around letting out a sigh of relief when he realizes Heeseung was gone.
“Woah congrats on being out but i dont swing that way” Sunghoon chokes out, recollecting himself, ears red.
“Trust me i didnt enjoy having to do that just as much as you didnt either” Sunoo straightens himself out and starts to walk off.
Sunghoon still in a daze just watches as the boy walks away and disappear into the crowd of teenagers. “What the fuck was that about?” He whispers to himself.
———
Sunoo goes the whole day avoiding Heeseung. Still way too terrified to face his best friend. Not only that but also avoiding all the questions from basically every single person at his high school. It didnt help that after his diary got leaked he also decided to kiss the star quarterback, making everyone very confused as to what is going on with the Sunoo, who usually flies under the radar.
Some kids think the diary is fake, they think someone is just being an asshole and trying to embarrass Sunoo, Especially after being caught with Sunghoon. But most kids see it as a crazy love triangle that was just somehow not mentioned in the diary thinking that Sunoo must have another one that goes into detail about his feelings for the quarterback.
Its crazy how Sunoo went from outcast to someone people are basically making their own fanfictions about. He hates it, he wants everything to go back to how it was literally a day ago. He hates how he has no one to talk to this about, the one person he would talk to it about is also the person hes trying to avoid.
Sunoo walks out the school building his eyes scanning the outside courtyard and spots Heeseung waiting by his car. Sunoo weighs his options.
Face Heeseung and get a ride home, or sit on a bus with teenagers who are gonna ask him a billion questions.
He decides he's walking home.
Sunoo walks to the back of the school, attempting to take the back roads to avoid Heeseung from driving up to him. He sees the Football team out there and spots Sunghoon who is running laps with the rest of the team.
Sunoo didnt even get the chance to apologize to the quarterback but he doesnt plan it it at the moment. Its not like he doesnt want to, he feels terrible he got Sunghoon mixed in this but what does he even say.
“Hey Sunghoon sorry i kissed you i just really didnt wanna talk to my best friend right now and your lips were the only way to keep me from doing that” Sunoo says to himself. He laughs, embarrassed of how insane he sounds.
“Its better than saying nothing!” Sunoo jumps at the sound of a disembodied voice. He snaps his head and spots a sweaty Sunghoon running up to him.
“How did you even hear me?” Sunoo crosses his arms. Sunghoon stops in front of him out of breath. “You’re not the quietist when you’re panicking, You never have been” Sunghoon opens the water bottle in his hand takes a big gulp.
“Shouldnt you be running with your team?”
“Shouldnt you be apologizing?” That shuts Sunoo right up.
“Fine, I’m sorry for kissing you, i dont know why i did it i just needed more time to keep Heeseung away”
“So its true, you’re in love with him?” A smile creeps onto Sunghoon’s face. “Yes asshole dont laugh, i already have half the school doing that”
“Why kiss me though? You couldve kissed anyone and it wouldve done the same thing right?”
“Well exactly, you were just there. Don’t think yourself special just because you just so happen to be the first person in front of me. It does however help that Heeseung has a distaste for you” Sunoo walks over to the bleachers and sits down.
“Wow just when i thought we had something” Sunghoon jokes, faking a pain in his chest. Sunoo laughs rolling his eyes.
“So whats your plan now? Keep kissing boys until Heeseung gives up trying to talk to you?” Sunghoon sits next to him chugging more water.
“Do you just think i go around kissing people all willy nilly?” Sunoo glares.
”What am i supposed to think, you literally kissed me all willy nilly”
“Touché” Sunoo sighs.
“I dont know i just know i cant talk to him right now, this was the absolute one thing i was never gonna tell him and someone had to go out of there way and do it for me”
“Oh you still dont know who leaked your diary?” Sunoo shakes his head at the quarterback.
“Damn is there anyone out to get you?” Sunoo shrugs and looks at his phone.
“Whoever it is wants my life to end, i mean just look at all this shit” He turns the phone over to Sunghoon.
”I didnt know everyone is making all these theories, hell no one has even asked me about anything”
”Thats because you’re Sunghoon Park, to everyone youre untouchable, me however very touchable”
”Thats disgusting” Sunghoon fakes a disgusted look. The two hear yelling from Coach Park, Sunghoon’s coach and father. Sunghoon sighs, “And thats where the fun ends I gotta head back, but hey cheer up its high school hopefully they’ll all find something else to cling onto and leave you alone.” Sunghoon sends Sunoo a soft smile and runs off to the field.
Sunoo wants to believe him so bad, but he fears this is all just gonna get worse.
———
“Tell him im not here” Sunoo yells from inside his room. Putting his shoes on and opening uis window. “He said he knows you dont have a life!” His little sister yells from downstairs. Sunoo scoffs and jumps out on the roof and climbing down the vines on the side of his house. He runs through the back yard and climbs the fence, running into town.
He doesnt stop running until he makes it inside a café he goes to study. He walks up to the counter and waits for the barista.
“Oh hey Sunoo! Your usual?” The barista says cheerfully.
“Yeah, Thank you Jay” Sunoo sits at a table and pulls his phone out. His phone still blowing up from instagram notifications and calls from Heeseung, he shuts his phone off and sighs. Jay comes over and sets the iced americano in front of Sunoo. “Ive heard about whats been happening to you at your school, sorry someone would invade your privacy like that” Jay gives him an apologetic look.
“Damn even people at your high school are talking about it?”
Jay went to the neighboring towns high school, but the two have known eachother since elementary school, and have remained close especially since Jay landed this job as a barista.
“Yeah everybody is talking about it, all these theories about your love life, i heard you and Sunghoon basically had sex with eachother in the hallways as Heeseung watched in horror.” Jay puts a hand over his mouth acting like an old lady gossiping.
”We just kissed! What are these people even doing with their lives why does everyone care so much” Jay laughs.
“You know damn well everyone in this town is boring, this is the biggest thing that’s happened in years” Jay looks up at the sound of door opening.
“Oh speak of the devil, its the legend himself” Sunoo heart drops as he turns around. He feels his body relax when he realizes its just Sunghoon.
“Hey Jay, can i just get a Iced Americano?” Jay sends him a nod and Sunghoon walks over to Sunoo.
He sits across from him and stares. “You’re actually just the person i wanted to see” Sunoo raises an eyebrow at the athlete.
“God what now” Sunoo lays into his arms on the table and looks up at Sunghoon.
“Relax i just have a proposition for you—oh thank you” Jay places the drink and front of Sunghoon and walks off dealing with the rest of the customers in the café.
Sunoo raises his head back up his interest piqued. “What could Sunghoon Park want from me?”
Sunghoon laughs and takes a sip of his drink.
“I think we should date” Sunoo almost cokes on his own drink. Spitting it out all over himself, Jay notices and runs over handing him paper towels.
”You think what now?” Sunoo chokes out as he dabs the paper towels on himself. Sunghoon laughs at the sight in front of him. “I think we should date, not like actually date but like a front we put up at school.” Sunoo tilts his head like a confused puppy, Sunghoon looks at him with a soft smile.
“Listen, you need a way to keep Heeseung off your back right? He hates me and if he sees we’re together maybe itll keep him away a little while longer while also convincing him that maybe you never actually liked him in the first place” Sunoo’s head doesnt tilt back up. “Okay but what about you? What do you get out of it?”
“You may have heard about me and Jennifer right? She left me for some punk in college, well she heard about our little lip exchange and it pissed her off. I wanna continue pissing her off, and you seem to be the perfect way to do it, shes being branded as the girl who turned me gay, its actually priceless” Sunghoon laughs to himself and Sunoo rolls his eyes.
“Well i actually quite like Jennifer me and her used to besties in middle school”
”Key words there… Middle School” Sunghoon snorts.
“She kicked you to the curb the moment popularity started mattering remember?”
“Hey you did too! Thats why Heeseung hates you!”
“He acts like hes not popular either, plus why does he hate me and not you?”
“I am a lot more forgiving than he is, i just simply thought people grow apart”
”Well we didnt grow apart you and Heeseung chose eachother and so did me and Jennifer” Sunghoon avoids Sunoo’s gaze, Theres something more there, but Sunoo ignores it.
“Whatever, i’m not gonna fake date you” Sunoo slurps his drink up and stands up. Sunghoon follows him to the counter watching him pay, and also pays himself. “Come on Sunoo, please? At least think about it?”
Sunoo stands there looking up at the athlete, whos eyes are pleading. “You really wanna do this?” Sunghoon nods pouting his lips.
“Fine ill think about it, but dont get your hopes up” Sunoo walks out the café. Sunghoon walks out after him and watches as he walks off.
“Did you walk here?” Sunghoon calls after him.
“I ran!” The younger yells back. “Come back here ill drive you home!” Sunoo begrudgingly walks back, feet already hurting from running here earlier. He and Sunghoon hop in the car and drive home.
———
They pull in front of the house and Sunoo turns to Sunghoon. “Ill let you know soon what i decide just dont pester me about it” Sunghoon puts his palms up, signaling he wont annoy the younger. They get out and Sunghoon walks him to the door. They dont say anything to eachother but smile as Sunoo walks inside and the quarterback walks back to his car.
“Hey Park!” Sunghoon snaps his head in the direction of the voice.
“So are you and Sunoo like a thing now?” He watches as Heeseung walks down his porch.
Sunghoon eyes Sunoo’s house then back to Heeseung.
“Something like that” He sends a smirk over to Heeseung, who has an angry expression on his face.
He slides his body in his car and drives himself home.
———
Sunoo walks out of the art room the next day without checking and is immediately pushed against a wall. “Hey!”
”Why have you been avoiding me? i’ve been trying to talk to you, i have to know whether or not what you said in your journal is true” Heeseung hold Sunoo’s arm.
“Heeseung let me go” He doesnt budge. “Heeseung let me fucking go!” He pushes him off and walks away, speed walking down the hall.
“You can’t keep running from me! I’m your best friend please just talk to me we can work through this! I’m sure of it!” He hears Heeseung yelling at him, his words cut through him like daggers. All Sunoo can think is how Heeseung is gonna reject him to his face, tell him how they can work together to get him over his feelings. these thoughts beating him down as he pushes through everyone until he locks eyes with Sunghoon whos leaning on some lockers. He has a worried expression plastered on his face as he watches Sunoo running forward with glossy eyes.
Sunoo stops in front of him. “Sunghoon Park, Lets do this” Sunghoon face twists in confusion until he sees Heeseung, He masks it with a smile and pulls the smaller boy in for a kiss. The world around them goes quiet as the two’s lips touch, until it is interrupted by Heeseung pulling Sunoo off Sunghoon.
”Hey i’m not gonna run away everytime you kiss this fucker. Last i heard you were in love with me not this punk” Heeseung yells.
“Well you heard wrong you ass, Sunghoon’s my boyfriend and we’d like to be left alone.” Sunoo grabs Sunghoon’s hand and they walk off leaving Heeseung with his mouth hanging open.
———
They make it outside and sit on the bleachers. Sunoo looks out into the field and sighs.
“Guess were dating now” Sunoo laughs and turns to Sunghoon who joins him. “So what pushed you to say yes?”
“Stupidly enough my fear of Heeseung rejecting me.” Sunoo lets out a dry laugh. “I know its coming, im just terrified of how itll go, because for once in my life i dont know how Heeseung is thinking and i i cant bear to face him right now”
Sunghoon watches as Sunoo holds back tears. “But thats why i have you!” He sniffles wiping his face and turning to him.
“You are an excellent Heeseung repellent, and I’m an excellent ex girlfriend pisser offer” Sunghoon laughs at Sunoo’s determination.
“But we have to come up with some ground rules” Sunghoon raises an eyebrow as he watches Sunoo pull out a journal.
“Not another journal, do you not realize you have a bad history with those” Sunoo rolls hus eyes. “I’m making a contract”
“Rule number one, No PDA” Sunoo states as he jots the rule down.
“What do you mean we’ve already kissed twice and also how are we supposed to convince anyone were dating if were not macking on each other”
“For your information i had never kissed anybody before you so i want to refrain from wasting anymore kisses on you” Sunghoon is taken aback from this new information.
“You gave your first kiss to me?” Sunoo nods in embarrassment.
”Now i feel special” Sunghoon smiles at the younger whos face reddens with blush. “But still we have to do some type of pda regardless of me feeling honored about that”
“Fine we can hold hands, arm around shoulder, whatever that doesnt involve kissing” Sunoo lets out in defeat.
“Add to to list that we have to be there for each other no questions asked, if we need a fake dating emergency we have to drop everything for it” Sunghoon leans down next to Sunoo as he watches him write it down. Sunoo didnt question it, it made sense part of the deal is literally to benefit eachother they should be able to take advantage.
“So how long do we plan on doing this?”
“Hmmmm wait i have another request” Sunoo looks up at the older.
”You have to go to parties with me, and come to my football games” Sunoo opens his mouth to protest. “Nah ah you cant be my boyfriend without coming to my games and being my plus one it only makes sense you’re dating the quarterback” Sunoo’s mouth shuts as he writes it down.
“And lastly you have to come with me to the senior ski trip before winter break” Sunghoon smirks at Sunoo.
“Are we really gonna be doing it for that long?” Sunoo says with a groan.
“Lets just say if we have to go that long thats when we end it? Like thats the deadline”
“So what we can end this at anytime?”
“Is that something you want?” Sunoo ponders, before nodding. “A new rule, if either of our minds change we can end this whenever we want” Sunoo writes it down.
”Are you sure you wanna be known as the gay quarterback for the rest of the year Park?”
“I know at the end of the day i am a straight man, so i dont really care. Besides if i had to be in a gay relationship im happy its you” Sunghoon says quietly. Sunoo peaks up at him with a smile.
Sunoo draws two lines at the bottom of the paper and signs his name and slide it over to Sunghoon.
“Once you sign this were officially fake dating just so you know what you’re signing up for”
Sunghoon grabs the pen and smiles at Sunoo. “Lets fucking do this”