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Luke wasn’t sure whose idea it was to get drunk before their flights home. It might’ve been Roy, spurned on by Calum, or maybe even one of the girls, but he hadn’t protested when a Bintang was put into his hand, just taking a long, leisurely sip, trying to commit the taste to memory.
It was only just after ten in the morning, and after the big last night in Bali party, they were probably making a huge mistake. Everyone was nursing hangovers, but the beer was going down easily, and making the thought of their long haul flights a little more bearable.
Luke was just grateful he was going home, instead of facing an eighteen plus hour flight like most of their group. It was just him, Michael and Calum heading back to Sydney, to their mothers’ home cooking and comfortable beds.
But in the back of Luke’s mind, he had already started thinking of the conversation he wanted to have with his parents regarding not only his sexuality, but his relationship with Michael. He’d run through every possible outcome – from absolutely devastating to complete acceptance – and he just wanted it over and done with.
Michael had been in the same boat, a little more on edge than usual, and in the times Luke got to take his hand and whisper in his ear, the older man would smile, and let him know that just a day or so to go, Luke, and it would immediately make everything so real.
They’d lived in a bubble for four years now, without anyone but the band knowing just how deep their feelings ran, and the idea of letting people in on the secret was addictive.
There had been an undercurrent of desperate fear underneath the excitement, and Luke was almost glad that he was slowly getting buzzed on beer before their flight. He wanted to be able to remember how great the revelation was, instead of being fearful of the reaction.
But being buzzed lowered his inhibitions, and he was slumped against Michael on a sun lounge while their group of friends took up all the other lounges as they reminisced on their trip. Michael’s hand was on his knee, and Luke’s mouth was pressed to Michael’s shoulder, and every time he laughed, a warm puff of air would hit Michael’s skin, making the older man shiver.
He was on his third beer, and still feeling the effects of the shots from the night before, and he was loose and happy and a little turned on, if he was honest with himself. Michael was drawing a slow circle on the inside of his knee and it was all Luke could concentrate on, even though he was supposed to contribute to the discussion Alex was having with him and Ashton.
His attention was solely focused on Michael, and he shivered when the older man leant in, lips grazing the shell of his ear. “M’gonna go get a glass of water,” he mumbled. “You should like, come.”
Luke grinned, nodding his head slowly as he set his bottle down on the table to his left, watching as Michael pulled away and got up, and headed in the direction of the poolside bar. He counted to five in his head, slowly letting the numbers slide through his fuzzy brain before he was struggling to get up on shaky legs.
“Oh no,” Ashton said quietly, putting a hand to Luke’s chest to ground him. “You’re drunk, and you’re not following him,” he whispered.
Luke groaned, rolling his head back, the sun blinding him momentarily. “I wanna drink of water,” he whined.
Ashton snorted. “You’re going to fool around with Mikey, and you’ll be caught.”
Luke rolled his eyes, pushing Ashton’s hand away. “We will not.”
“Jeez,” Ashton sighed. “Are you two going to behave because I’m not going to be there to save you.”
For reasons Luke didn’t know, Ashton was boarding a flight back to LA with the rest of their group. He’d been aloof when questioned, shrugging nonchalantly even though it was kind of a shock to know that after spending only eight days at home with his family, he was giving up a chance at spending another two weeks with Harry and Lauren, and was instead going back to LA, to his new, empty apartment.
“You could come home,” Luke suggested, eyebrows raised. “You could come and babysit us as much as you’d like.”
Ashton rolled his eyes. “Maybe that’s why I’m going there.”
Luke punched him weakly in the shoulder. “You love taking care of us,” he accused. “I’ll get the real answer out of you one day.”
He didn’t wait for an answer as he picked himself up off the sun lounge, patting Ashton on the head as he passed. He couldn’t see Michael, but he headed in the direction of the bar regardless, his head pleasantly cloudy and his heart thrumming strong in his chest.
He helped himself to a cup of water, knowing that getting onto a plane completely trashed was a terrible idea, and he didn’t fancy candid photos of himself appearing online of him puking into a sick bag.
He was sipping his way through a second cup, before someone pinched him on the ass.
He yelped, whipping his head to see Michael’s cheeky grin, and let the older man grab his wrist and tug him away from the bar.
Luke went – as if he wouldn’t – and let out a soft, breathy laugh as Michael pulled him into a deserted hallway, pressing him up against the wall before their mouths met in a passionate kiss.
Michael gripped his hips, leaning up against Luke as their tongues met, Luke’s hands in Michael’s hair and giving a sharp tug. The red had faded into a dirty, rusty orange, and it went perfectly with Michael’s stubble. Luke loved him unkempt.
“Shit,” Michael whispered, pulling away from Luke’s mouth to rest their foreheads together. “Missed you.”
Luke nodded, kissing over the apple of his cheek, hands cupping around the back of Michael’s neck. “Been a few days since we’ve had the chance.”
“Mhm,” Michael agreed softly, his hands sneaking up under Luke’s sweaty t-shirt. “Can I stay at yours tonight?”
Luke laughed, his mouth catching Michael’s top lip. “Your mum won’t like that.”
“Shit,” Michael laughed. “Then stay at mine.”
“Yeah,” Luke laughed, ducking his head a little to capture Michael’s mouth again.
He got lost in it, the familiar press of Michael’s lips that showed him something new every time they met. There was no such thing as a boring kiss, especially when Michael’s tongue curled into his mouth, his hands up around Luke’s ribs, rucking his t-shirt up.
Michael pressed his legs apart with his knee, leaning heavily against Luke and grinding against him.
Luke gasped, tangling his fingers in Michael’s hair and gave a tug, his mouth kissing over the older man’s jaw and down his throat. Ashton’s warning echoed in the back of his mind, but the beer was outdoing it, telling him to touch more, kiss more, feel more.
So Luke’s hands fell from Michael’s neck to his waist, tugging him in by his board shorts so they could properly rock their hips together, eliciting soft moans from both of them.
“Luke,” Michael whisper-gasped against the feel of the younger man’s lips on his throat. “Jesus Christ.”
Luke grinned, kissing his way back to Michael’s mouth, swallowing the whimpers and exhalations happily.
“We should stop,” Michael said into his mouth.
Luke shook his head, grinding a little harder against Michael and dipped his tongue into the older man’s mouth.
And he should’ve listened, really.
To Ashton.
To Michael.
Because while he was rutting against his boyfriend and kissing him with all the passion he could muster, someone wandered into the hallway.
She gasped, and Luke and Michael sprang apart, but the damage was done.
Luke looked at her face, her red painted lips parted slightly in obvious surprise, his arms crossed over her chest. He wished suddenly he hadn’t been so impulsive, that he’d stayed on the damn sun lounge, because his ex-girlfriend just caught him getting off against his secret boyfriend and if he could be granted a do over, he’d wish for absolutely anyone but her to be staring at them, a good, respectable six feet between them, but the space did nothing to smooth the situation over.
“It’s not,” Luke began, swallowing thickly around the fear gripping his throat. “Uh, what it, uh…looks like?”
She raised her eyebrows, looking down at her toes for a moment before looking back at him. “It explains a lot, actually.”
Luke looked desperately at Michael, wishing frantically to be saved, but the other man looked just as uncomfortable as Luke felt.
“Please don’t tell anyone,” Luke blurted out, looking back at her. His life – his career – was in her hands, and he realized with a sickening feeling settling in his stomach, that she could be vindictive. It wouldn’t be the first time an ex had turned nasty when dumped, and Luke prayed that she had some sort of compassion for him left, even though they’d broken up.
“It’s really important that you don’t,” Michael insisted, taking a few steps towards Luke. “No one knows, expect for Ashton and Calum. It’s something we want to tell our parents before telling other people.”
Luke could identify the panic in his voice, could imagine just how stressed out Michael felt at the idea of his parents finding out about their relationship through an indirect on Twitter.
“Do you think I’m that horrible?” she demanded, a frown on her face. “I’m not a total bitch.”
The alcohol in Luke’s system made him want to rebuke the statement, tacking on a yeah, actually, you are, but he kept his mouth shut. The truth was, she had used him for his celebrity, had alienated his fans, and shared so much of his personal life that he never wanted to be common knowledge.
So yes, she could be a total bitch.
He just prayed in this instance, she’d refrain.
“How long has it been going on?”
Luke looked at Michael and swallowed. “Uh, a while,” he answered.
She nodded. “So when you and I were together…”
“Yeah,” Luke confirmed, his voice barely a whisper.
“So you let him cheat on you?”
The comment was directed at Michael, and Luke’s head snapped up to look over at him.
Michael seemed completely taken by surprise, and his mouth gaped open for a second.
“You know that we were together, right?”
Luke frowned, looking over at her. “What the hell does that mean?”
“We spent nights together, Luke. You kissed me.”
“Yeah, he knows that,” Luke said, his frown deepening. “I never slept with you, I never did anything sexual with you at all. We kissed, and you splashed that all over the place.”
She raised her brows, her pout twisting into something sour. “Yeah, and I’m not the asshole who cheated.”
It was rapidly spinning out of control and Luke could feel his head start to throb. He knew he was antagonizing her, and he knew that pissing her off was a bad idea, but the fierceness of his feelings for Michael was something he wanted to defend.
“Look,” Michael began, holding his hands up defensively. “We’re going home to tell our parents,” he said, gesturing to Luke, before turning towards her. “If you want to get back at him for breaking up at you, or whatever issue you have, can you please just not? This is something important that our families deserve to hear first, and further knowledge should be up to us. I’m asking you, as someone who loves Luke, to please forget you ever saw this?”
“I don’t love him,” she said immediately.
Michael raised a brow. “You sometimes look at him like I do.”
She blushed, her eyes looking down at her feet again.
Luke’s heart softened slightly, because not once during their entire situation did he ever think she liked him, let alone loved him.
“Please,” Michael begged gently.
She let out a long-suffering sigh, looking back up at them. “Fine. I won’t say anything.”
“Really?” Luke breathed.
She shrugged. “What’s the point? So your fans can send me more death threats? I’ve learnt my lesson, Luke.”
He did honestly feel bad for her, but the repercussions were caused by her immature behaviour. He’d told her so many times to lay off, that it wouldn’t fly with their passionate fans. But she’d insisted, had splashed them everywhere, and Luke hadn’t even been able to comfort her when she’d called him crying about the horrible DM’s.
“It was such a mistake to get involved with you in the first place,” she insisted. “And like anyone needs to hear that I came between the golden couple of 5SOS.”
Luke looked over at Michael, whose expression was still very unsure and disbelieving, but they had to take her at her word.
“Thank you,” Luke said honestly, nodding his head. “Honestly, thank you. And for what it’s worth, I am sorry for dragging you into this.”
She sniffed, her calm, uncaring demeanour back in place. “I think we can both agree that whatever we had was a mistake.”
He nodded, not trying to hurt her feelings, but she was one hundred percent right.
“I never saw this,” she said, dropping her hands to her sides and turned around.
“Hey,” Michael called out. “Thank you.”
She nodded, and walked back the way she came.
Luke held his breath for the longest forty seconds of his life before sagging back against the wall, and sliding down to sit on his ass as he let out a ragged breath.
“Hey,” Michael whispered, sitting down beside him, pulling Luke’s hands away from his face. “It’s okay.”
“What if it’s not?” Luke whispered. “What if this is it, the moment it all falls apart because we can’t control ourselves?”
Michael pulled him in, pressing a kiss to Luke’s sweaty temple. “She won’t say anything,” he assured him softly. “Like she said, the fans will rip her to pieces, and we’ll be home in a few hours and we’ll tell our families, and then if she does expose us, the important people will already know.”
Luke knew what he was saying was logical, but he knew her, and he knew that she might not keep her word and that felt like the worst possible thing in the world.
“Jesus Christ.”
Luke looked up to see Ashton with a frown on his face.
“What the hell are you two doing?” he demanded. “The airport shuttle is here and we need to go. Please tell me you didn’t fuck in a hallway.”
“Then I guess we got nothing to say,” Michael sneered playfully, squeezing Luke’s shoulder.
Ashton grunted, rolling his eyes. “Get your asses up off the ground and get your shit. We have an hour drive ahead of us.”
Luke stayed where he was until Michael stood, taking his hands when the older man offered them, and let himself be pulled to his feet. Michael immediately pulled him into his arms, nuzzling his neck affectionately.
“It’ll all be okay,” he promised softly.
Luke nodded, letting out a soft sigh. “Okay, Mikey.”
Michael pulled away and took his hand, giving it a squeeze to see Ashton still waiting impatiently for them to follow.
“We don’t need supervision,” Michael pointed out.
Ashton snorted. “Yeah, right.”
Luke tried to push away the rolling feeling of beer inside him, and the meagre breakfast he’d had, and he wanted to go and lay down and sleep it off a little, but Ashton’s face said no nonsense, and Luke knew that the quicker he got his bag and got onto the shuttle bus, the quicker he could go home to his parents and tell them he was in love with a boy.
**
“Babe? Hey, wake up.”
Luke blinked his eyes open sluggishly, letting out a soft, pained groan. His head was pounding, and he was viscously regretting the decision to drink so much before his international flight. Who does that?
“Here.”
Luke blinked over at Michael to his left, and at his outstretched palm. Two Panadol lay there, a bottle of water in Michael’s other hand.
“I love you,” Luke breathed softly, leaning over to kiss messily over Michael’s mouth.
Michael laughed softly and pushed him back, before dropping the pills into Luke’s clumsy hand. “You okay?”
Luke tossed the pills into his mouth and unscrewed the top from the bottle of water and washed them down quickly. “Hungover, feels like,” he mumbled, slumping back down in his seat.
The armrest between their chairs were pushed up, and Michael reached across to rub at Luke’s thigh comfortingly. “We’re about a half hour from landing.”
Luke groaned again, feeling as though he was covered in sweat and his stomach rolling. “Why’d I drink? Why am I stupid?”
Michael laughed softly. “You’re not stupid,” he chided gently. “You’re just incredibly bad at handling alcohol.”
Luke snorted, trying to roll onto his side to face the window, but the space allowed just wasn’t working. “I hate flying.”
“You hate everything right now.”
Luke looked over at Michael, a genuine smile on his pained face. “I don’t hate you.”
Michael laughed, squeezing Luke’s thigh. “You’re a mess,” he insisted softly. “Go back to sleep and I’ll wake you up when you need to put your seatbelt back on.”
Luke nodded, patting Michael’s stomach and gladly closed his eyes.
**
“Are you two okay?”
Luke tore his eyes from the rapidly passing scenery to look over at Calum. They were crammed into a taxi, the three of them sandwiched together in the back seat, watching the familiar scenery pass as they headed home.
Luke had felt an entirely different kind of nausea since they’d landed, the words he wanted to say to his parents on the tip of his tongue. It was all he could think about; sitting them down and opening himself up and finally being honest about the love of his life.
But he supposed to Calum, that didn’t translate.
“We’re telling the parents,” Michael explained from where he sat between Calum and Luke.
Michael had been quiet too, his hat pulled low over his face, dark sunglasses an added extra to hopefully avoid recognition as they walked through the airport. They’d avoided any big scenes as they collected their bags and piled into a taxi, but the car ride had been mostly silent.
“Today?”
“Yeah,” Michael nodded. “It’s time, you know?”
“Wow,” Calum breathed. “I didn’t know you were there yet,” he admitted honestly.
“We couldn’t even share a hotel room on holiday,” Luke said quietly. “That does something, you know?”
“Yeah,” Calum said softly. “Shit, guys. I’m sorry.”
Michael patted his knee. “Don’t be. It made us realize that we want to do this; be honest and let a few people in on the secret.”
They all fell silent once again, Luke going back into his head, thinking of the passing seconds that took him home.
He was still stuck in his thoughts when the cab idled next the gutter in front of his house, and he could see his mother up on the balcony patio, waving excitedly.
“I can stay,” Michael said softly, squeezing his hand. “We can do this together.”
“No,” Luke whispered softly. “You should go home, tell your folks. I’ll see you tonight though, okay?”
Michael nodded, but it was clear that he didn’t want to leave Luke alone. “Will you call me? As soon as you can?”
“I promise,” Luke whispered, leaning in to kiss him, but hesitated when he realized that his mum would be able to see, that the cab driver, would see.
“It’s okay,” Michael soothed softly, gripping his knee. “I love you.”
Luke smiled tightly. “I love you, too.”
“I love you too, man,” Calum added in, to break the tension.
Luke laughed and reached past Michael to punch him in the arm. “Dick.”
Calum grinned. “Will you guys call me, once the cat is out of the bag?”
“I will,” Luke promised, and heaved out one last sigh before opening the door to the cab to see his mother.
“Hi boys!” she greeted happily, hanging off the cab door to look in at the two remaining men in the car. “Good flight?”
“Hey Liz,” Calum waved. “Good flight, just a few sore heads after last night.”
Liz wound her arm around her son’s waist, squeezing his hip. “I can imagine,” he smiled. “You two better get home to your mum’s. There’s a lot of loving to give before you’re all gone again.”
Luke rested his arm around her shoulders, and it felt good to be home, but he was tired. And just the tiniest bit anxious as the cab pulled away from the gutter, and took Michael away from him.
**
“There’s Tim Tams in the fridge and I can make you a hot chocolate, if you’d like.”
Luke smiled, dropping his bag at the bottom of the stairs, and followed his mother into the kitchen, sitting down at the bench. “Thanks, mum.”
“So, did you have a good time?” she asked, opening the pantry to get out the drinking chocolate and the container of marshmallows, before grabbing the milk from the fridge. “You’re a little pink.”
Luke looked down at the visible skin on his chest, and smiled. “Yeah, there wasn’t a whole lot of responsibility on that trip.”
She smiled, grabbing two mugs out of the cupboard. “But it was what you needed? We missed you for New Years.”
Luke nodded, grabbing a passionfruit form the fruit bowl. They’d had a vine in the backyard for as long as Luke could remember, and it was a welcome distraction to the words on the tip of his tongue.
“Sweetie?”
He looked up at her, and put the passionfruit back. “Yeah, it was…yeah. Good.”
She frowned. “What’s wrong?”
He let out a soft laugh, and shrugged his shoulders. “Just tired, I think. A bit hungover.”
Liz raised her eyebrows. “And to think you were the smartest of the three,” she teased.
He laughed, a proper one this time. “How is everyone? How’s Dad?”
“Good,” Liz nodded. “He’s looking forward to seeing you.”
Luke felt his stomach clench. “Do you, uh, think he’ll be home soon?”
Liz looked at the clock on the wall. “Not until four, I think.”
Luke’s stomach sank. He wanted his confession over with.
“Luke Robert,” Liz said, her tone gentle but authoritative. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m in a relationship,” he blurted out, feeling his cheeks burn hot.
“Oh,” Liz said, surprise clearly showing on her face. “With someone you met in Bali?”
“No,” Luke sighed. “With someone I’ve known a long time.”
Liz frowned, concentrating momentarily on frothing the milk for their hot chocolates, finishing off both mugs before giving him her full attention. “Should we go sit?”
Luke nodded, slipping off his stool and grabbed the Tim Tams from the fridge and followed his mother into the living room. He sat on the edge of his seat, tugging open the packet and grabbing a biscuit and nibbled on it nervously.
“Honey,” Liz said gently, setting their mugs down and put her hand on Luke’s knee. “What’s got you so wound up?”
“It’s Michael, mum.”
“It’s Michael what?”
Luke swallowed, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. “I’m in love with Michael. I’m with Michael.”
Liz sat back in her seat, a frown on her face as her lips parted.
“We’ve been together for four years,” Luke rushed out, his eyes on the carpet instead of his mother’s face. “I’m…he’s…I love him, mum.”
“You never told me.”
Luke looked up, at her somewhat hurt expression. “What?”
“Honey,” she said gently. “You never told me you liked him. Did you think you couldn’t?”
“You’re not mad?” Luke asked, a frown on his face, too.
“Why would I be mad?” Liz asked softly, leaning forward to touch his knee. “Honey, I don’t care who you love, just as long as you have love in your life. I’ve loved your father for most of my life, and that’s what I’ve wanted for my three boys. I don’t care who it is, just as long as you feel it.”
“I do,” Luke rushed out. “I feel it all the time when I’m with him, and he makes me feel like there is absolutely nothing in the world to be afraid of, because I’ve got him.”
Liz smiled, reaching out to take his hand. “Oh, Luke.”
He let out a soft burst of laughter. “I guess this means I’m gay, right?”
“Oh, that’s a good thing,” Liz grinned. “Women can be quite complicated, you know.”
“Tell me about it.”
“So, four years? You’re quite the secret keeper.”
“It’s not because I didn’t trust you,” Luke said softly. “I just…it was special when it was just ours. Only Cal and Ash know.”
“And why now?”
“Because I spent all those weeks in Bali without being able to hold his hand,” Luke confessed quietly. “We’re sick of having to hide it. That doesn’t mean we’re going to go worldwide public, but it’s time that we weren’t hiding anymore.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Liz soothed softly. “And there’s no one I’d approve of more. You know how much I love Michael.”
Luke blushed, looking down at his feet again. “He’s incredible.”
“Are you two…being physical?”
Luke looked over at her, horror written on his face. “Mum!”
Liz looked as uncomfortable as he did. “At least tell me you’re being responsible.”
“Yes!” Luke whined, grabbing another Tim Tam. “Can we please not talk about this?”
“I’m your mother,” she reminded him. “And I want to know that your father and I prepared you for sex, no matter who it’s with.”
Luke felt nauseous all over again, and he knew when he recounted the entire story to Michael, the older man would wet his pants with laughter.
“Luke,” she said warningly, letting him know she wasn’t backing down.
He levelled her with a pointed stare. “Yes, mother. Michael and I are incredibly responsible when it comes to sex,” he said plainly, even if it was a tiny lie. There was no way he was going to confess to his mother that they sometimes didn’t use a condom. He wanted to be able to look at her in the eye for the rest of his life, after all.
“Good,” she nodded, and sat back in her seat, picking up her mug of hot chocolate.
Luke let out a soft puff of disbelieving laugh and picked up his own mug, feeling the tension he’d felt all morning, slowly slip away.