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“A haunted house.” Joel drawled, looking over at his friend. “Really? Isn’t that a bit cliche?” he pointed with his thumb at the house, with boarded up windows and bright yellow ‘do not cross’ tape fluttering in the chilly late-october air. It was something right out of a c-rate horror movie.
“‘Cliche’.” Impulse scoffed, mocking Joel’s voice. “You’re the one dressed as a sheet ghost, buddy.”
“Sheet ghosts aren’t cliche, they’re classic.” Joel crossed his arms, plastic pumpkin bumping against his side. “There’s a difference. And people actually recognized my costume, too.”
Impulse threw his hands up in exasperation. “Yeah, yeah. My costume is sooo ugly and sooo stupid.”
“I’m glad we agree. Your wings are dumb.”
“I was being SARCASTIC!! And my wings are WONDERFUL.”
Joel scoffed before pausing to think of a joke. “Wonderful, uh, wonderful for scaring the birds, maybe!” He chuckled to himself. “Heh, gottem.”
“Woooow.” Impulse leaned against the rusted fence at the front of the haunted house’s property. “Real harsh burn there.” He tossed his plain white pillow case, currently full of candy, over his shoulder.
“Yep.” Joel nodded, crossing his arms proudly. Maybe. It was hard to see his arms under the sheet. “Race ya to the front door!” Joel cackled, pulling the sheet over his head and taking off.
“Hey! No fair, you started early!” Impulse raced after him.
The sign next to the wooden door at the front of the house read ‘ADMISSION: ALL YOUR CANDY’. The red paint of the text looked faded, like it had been put up every year for the past decade or two.
“They can’t be serious.” Joel muttered. “We worked hard to collect this candy, I’m not gonna give it up!”
“Yeah!” Impulse nodded, black wig barely moving due to the sheer amount of hairspray caked in it. “Dumb house, let us in!” He kicked the door. The door fell backwards with a horrid shriek as the hinges tore out of the doorframe. The boys made eye contact.
“Oh you broke it, you blummin’ idiot!” Joel was the first to start yelling, eyes wide behind the cut out holes in the sheet.
“No, it was like that! It was going to fall anyway!” Impulse yelled back, clutching his pillow case full of candy to his chest. “It was completely rotted, you saw it!”
“I saw you break the door!” Joel gestured wildly at what looked more like a pile of woodchips than a door. “Now whoever is running this place is going to notice and make you pay for it!”
“I can’t pay for it! My mom took my allowance!”
“Well I’m not the one who broke the door, and someone is going to get in trouble.”
Impulse looked through the empty doorway into the dark hall of the house. A cold breeze emanated from it, turning his cheeks pink from the chill. “What if we... pretend it didn’t happen?”
“What?”
“Hear me out!” Impulse turned to face his friend. “We could say it was like this before we showed up. Some other kids broke it!”
“That’s dumb.” His friend scoffed. “They’ve got to have security cameras. My dad says every house needs one.”
“Would a haunted house have one? Cmon, think about it Joel. They wouldn’t want to ruin the spooky with a camera! Let’s just go in, ignore it. No one has to know.” Impulse stepped over the shreds of wood to get to the entrance.
Joel sighed. “I’m so grounded.” He knocked over the admission sign as he followed Impulse into the house. It stood itself back up.
The dark hardwood floor creaked underfoot as they walked deeper into the house. The lights were dim and flickering and cobwebs hung from every surface. The walls were the same dilapidated wood as the floor, with gaps between the slats of wood giving peaks into dark crawl spaces.
“Freaaakyyyyyy” Impulse murmured, shuddering. He rubbed his arms, looking over to his friend. “Can I borrow your sheet? I’m cold.”
“No.” Joel pulled his sheet tighter around himself. “It’s your fault for having a costume without sleeves.”
“Skizz doesn’t wear sleeves! So I don't wear the sleeves!” Impulse grumbled. “I can’t be a Skizz with sleeves. That would look stupid.”
“You look stupid already.”
“Hey! You’re insulting my costume and by proxy my best friend!”
“My best friend could beat up your best friend.” Joel teased
Impulse gasped, offended. “Jimmy couldn’t land a finger on Skizz.”
They continued bickering as they walked deeper inside. Impulse half expected the door to lock behind them, if it wasn’t currently turning into fertiliser.
Joel cupped his hands around his mouth, “Hellooo?” The noise echoed in the house, turning into wind-like whispers against the walls, a cobweb-covered chandelier swinging above their heads precariously.
“Hey!” Impulse hissed, “What are you doing?”
“I’m seeing if anyone is here.” Joel scoffed. He flipped the bottom of his sheet over his head, hair stuck to his forehead. “There’s always a prize at the end of the haunted house. I want to see if someone got it.”
“The sign didn’t say anything about a prize.”
“Because they don’t wanna spoil the surprise, obviously.” He raised an eyebrow like it was obvious.
“I guess that makes sense...” Impulse trailed off. “My head is getting itchy, can you carry my wig?”
“Ew! I’m not touching that thing!”
Impulse threw it at Joel anyway. Joel screeched, dropping his candy bucket in the scramble to get away from the horrid crusty thing. The plastic pumpkin, weighed down by the bounty of treats inside, punched a hole directly in the floor. The candy spilled out, cascading down a set of stairs.
“Woah.” Impulse knelt down to inspect the hole. “Who has stairs under their floor?”
“My CANDY!” Joel shrieked. “Impulse, c’mon we gotta get my candy back.” He started fishing handfuls from off the top step, wrapper crinkles echoing against the rotting wood walls.
“No, I’m not going down the freaky stairs!” Impulse crossed his arms in an X over his chest. “There could be monsters down there! Or tetanus!”
“Well I have my tetanus shot, so I’m not scared.” Joel boasted, retrieving his pumpkin to dump the candy back into. “What are you, chicken?”
“I’m not gonna fall for that.”
Joel smiled. “I triple dog dare you.”
Impulse groaned. You couldn’t just refuse a triple dog dare, that was against the rules. Everyone knew that. “You’re a jerk.”
“I know!” He said much too cheerily. “Now c’mon, I need to get my gummies before they get dirty.”
“You just had loose gummies in your bucket??” Impulse asked, bewildered, but followed nonetheless through the punched-out hollow.
The stairs descended in a tight spiral into darkness, dust floating in their vision and getting trapped in mildew and mould that clung to walls.
“It smells like gross..” Joel pinched his nose with one hand while he continued gathering the candy that had somehow managed to make its way down the staircase. “Did something die down here?” There was something under the rot smell that was sugary, like his candy bucket but ten times larger. “Oh, the prize is a bunch of candy. That’s so cool.”
“That must be why the admission wanted candy. All the loser’s candy goes to the prize.” Impulse mused, analysing a bookcase closely to see if the books would move on their own.
“How do you lose a haunted house?” Joel glanced over, pausing from dropping a handful of chocolate bars in his pumpkin.
“Giving up? Not finishing it?” Impulse guessed. He brushed aside a curtain of cobwebs, squinting in the low light of the basement. He shrieked, wrenching back. “There’s blood!”
“WHat?!” Joel set his bucket down carefully to not spill again and ran over to where Impulse had looked. Splatters of bright cherry red were on the concrete floor, training into a faint smear like something had been dragged through it.
“This is a murder house!” Impulse whined, gripping his pillow case like it was any defence. “Why did you make me come here?”
“Excuse you, it was your idea to keep going after the door opened!” Joel snapped.
“Well you dared me to go into the basement so really it’s your fault!” Impulse shoved him, .
“No, you!” Joel shoved back
Someone else groaned. “You two are quite loud, aren’t you?”
The kids shrieked.
“Alright, alright, shut up.” The person grabbed them by the backs of their shirts, lifting them off the ground. “What are you two doing down here.”
Impulse cracked open his eyes only to be met with green skin and exposed ribs. “ZOMBIE! Zombie oh gosh-” he slapped his hands over his face, covering his eyes.
“Eat Impulse, his brain is much tastier!” Joel kicked his legs, struggling in the grip.
“Nuh uh! I’m- I’m dumb! Real dumb!” Impulse shook his head, “My brain is super tiny and small, I promise! You- you don’t wanna eat it!”
“I’m not going to eat either of you.” The zombie tried stressing, “I don’t eat people.”
Joel kicked at their side. “Yeah? Explain the blood then!”
The zombie rolled their eyes. “That’s corn syrup.”
Impulse slowed in his struggle. “... it is?” he dropped his hands slowly, peering over his fingers.
“Obviously. I spilled some by accident.” They scolded, dropping the boys with a soft thump. “Names.”
“Impulse! I-I’m Impulse.” he stammered, voice pitching higher, “He’s- uhm- Joel.” He pointed to his friend. Joel shakily waved.
The zombie gave a patronising smile. “My name is Cleo, this is my house. What are you doing in here?” Cleo demanded.
Joel and Impulse looked at each other before looking at Cleo.
“Are you a real zombie?” Impulse blurted, gaze sweeping over the green skin held together by loose stitches, their right side slumping apart to expose bone.
She raised an eyebrow before sticking a finger between their ribs. “Looksit, huh?”
“Oooo that’s so cool..” He murmured.
“No it’s not!” Joel hissed, “Let’s leave!” he tugged at his friend’s arm.
“Jeez man, stop being a jerk.” Impulse whispered back. “She's not going to eat us...” He paused and turned to Cleo, “You’re not gonna eat us, right?”
“Of course not.” Cleo smiled with sharp teeth. “Now, last time I’m asking, why are you in my house?” She leaned closer to the kids.
“T-there was a sign.” Impulse said, suddenly very conscious of what it felt like to be a hamster in a piranha exhibit.
“Mhm!” Joel nodded quickly. “A-a sign! A sign, that's right!! It said this was a haunted house! A haunted house and that’s it, yep.”
“You didn’t knock?” Cleo crossed her arms in a way that wasn’t dissimilar from Joel’s mom when she was disappointed. “That’s pretty rude. Did your parents not teach you better?”
“We knocked!” Impulse immediately defended, “And the door- uh- opened on its own!”
“That’s right, and we left it completely intact and if it happens to be broken now that wasn’t us.” Joel piped up.
“... Uhuh.” Cleo said in a distinctly unconvinced tone. “Let’s say I’ll believe you. Why did you break into my basement?”
“Honest accident.” Impulse nodded quickly. “Didn’t mean to. And we dropped our candy and wanted to get it back.”
The zombie pinched the bridge of their nose. “Whatever. It’s fine. It’s fine.” She sighed. “Get out.”
“What?”
“You got your chance to explain, now get out of my house.”
“What about the prize?” Impulse pouted.
“There- What?” Cleo blinked. “No, what? There’s no prize, this is my house.” They stressed.
“This haunted house sucks.” Joel snatched up his bucket, hugging it close to his chest. “Impulse, let’s go.”
Cleo watched as the kids scrambled up the rickety staircase into the hole they had punched through the closed trapdoor.
They sighed. “Pearl.”
“Yes’m?” The ghost lowered through the ceiling of the basement, a grin cutting ear to ear.
“You need to stop inviting people inside.” The zombie cocked their head.
“I didn’t invite them!” Pearl sat mid-air. “They saw the sign and walked in on their own volition.”
“You put the sign up.”
Pearl scoffed. “That’s besides the point. You get so hung up on the details, Cleo! Where’s your whimsy?”
“It’s wherever the rest of my organs are.”
She whistled slowly. “Woow. gonna be like that then, okay. Am I sleeping on the couch tonight?”
“Neither of us sleep.” Cleo crossed their arms.
Pearl nodded in faux seriousness. “Must be why you’re so grouchy, Cleo. you need to get your eight hours, lovely.”
“Shut up.” Cleo said with no real heat, a smile peeking through the glare they put on.
Pearl’s smile widened impossibly as she floated closer. “Awwww, there it is! That’s what I live for! Or- well- y’know what I mean.”
“You’re impossible.” Cleo chuckled.