Archive of Our Own

1971

—

HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY 

Dear Miss MacDonald, 

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. 

Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July. 

Yours sincerely, 

Minerva McGonagall

Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress

—

July 24th, 1971

Dear Diary, 

You won’t believe it! I certainly didn’t, I must admit a part of me still doesn’t. Professor McGonagall was unbelievably kind, and explained everything to my parents with so much patience. Apparently I’m a witch. 

Dad almost sent her away when she knocked, thinking she was some kind of saleswoman. And then when she wasn’t he nearly sent her away for being a bit mad, but mum managed to convince him to let her stay and hear her out. Boy am I glad for that, because this is truly a life changer. 

I’m going to miss my school of course, and I can’t help but wonder when I’m going to be learning maths and geography and everything else? I was looking at the course book list and it’s all magic related. It sounds like something out of a fairytale, if I’m being honest. I pinched myself and didn’t wake up though, so I guess it’s not. 

Professor McGonagall told mum and dad how to get to Diagon Alley, the street where I’ll get all my books and robes and such. We get there from a pub in “muggle London” - non magic folks are called muggles apparently. We’re supposed to ask for Tom and he’ll tell us what to do, and then head to Gringotts Bank so we can get some of our money exchanged for wizard currency. 

I need to figure out how and when I’m telling my friends about this. I can’t tell the truth, so I guess I’ll have to say I’m going to boarding school in Scotland. I really hope they don’t ask too many questions, I have no idea how I’d answer them. 

Okay, I’m going to read over the letter again. I have it memorised, but I don’t care. I’ll read it a thousand times and never get tired of it. 

Love,
Mary 

—

July 31st, 1971

Dear Diary, 

We went to Diagon Alley today! It took forever to get there and we’re staying in London overnight because it doesn’t make sense to take the train all the way back to Wales now. The whole time there was so cool! Tom (the barman, he’s the one who helped us get into the Alley) was very kind, if not a little intimidating, but that may have been because of the entire place rather than him exclusively. 

Gringotts Bank was SO big. The whole thing was a little overwhelming, but it was so fun at the same time. The goblins were very helpful, telling us what each of the coins were called, although I must admit the idea of carrying coins everywhere for money really does seem stupid to me. They’re wizards, why didn’t they come up with credit cards when we did, or even earlier? Or at least cash? My parents gave me some as pocket money, and even just the couple coins I have feel heavy when I put them in my pocket. 

I had to tell my friends I’m not going back to school with them in September. They were all confused, and Francine even cried. I felt bad, but I’m so excited that I could barely contain it. I’ll miss them, but this sounds like the best adventure I could ever have! 

I’m going to start reading some of my books, just so I can be somewhat prepared. I can’t wait to meet all these new people! I hope I’m rooming with nice girls, it would be such a shame if we didn’t get along. 

Love,
Mary 

***

Mary finds herself blinking against the bright sun as she steps through the wall and onto Platform 9¾. The whole platform is in chaos, with kids running to greet each other, parents crying as their kids board the train, and then of course, the train. 

Mary has always loved trains, and this one is gorgeous. It’s red and black, and Hogwarts Express is written proudly across the front. There are windows all the way down, many of which have students leaning out of them to speak to their family members. Some of the windows are closed, and most of those ones seem to have the older students behind them, already laughing with their friends, with no second glances back to their parents. 

It’s overwhelming, to say the least. She holds on tight to her mother’s hand, trunk clenched in the other, and follows closely behind her father as they fight through the crowds to get to a spot they could stop for a moment. 

A big clock above them reads 10:43, slowly counting forwards towards eleven, when the train, along with Mary, will be speeding north to Scotland. She can feel the tears starting to form, and she blinks quickly in an effort to get them to stop. Crying is not on the table, she has no interest in meeting her fellow classmates with a tearstained face. 

“Don’t cry, darling,” Her mother smiles, seeing right through what she had been hoping was a calm and collected face. Clearly, it wasn’t working as well as she’d hoped. “We’ll write you all the time, okay? And you can write us as well, and we’ll see you during the Christmas holidays. It’ll go by so fast.” 

“I’ll miss you,” Mary manages to choke out, pulled in swiftly by her parents into a large group hug. When they pull back, she does everything she can to push down her tears. With her parents’ last kisses on her cheeks, she turns away, stepping away from them and onto the train.

It's just as chaotic on the train as it had been on the platform, with students running from compartment to compartment to catch up with their friends. She keeps walking, looking into compartments to see if she can find one that has people who look about her age. Finally, as she is starting to give up, she stumbles upon one that just has two girls in it. 

They’re talking, sitting across from one another, but it doesn’t look like they’re best friends already. One of the girls is leaning against the window, legs across the rest of the bench. The other girl has her feet firmly on the ground, but she’s also leaning against the window. 

“Hi,” Mary says as she opens the door. The two girls turn to look at her, and their smiles don’t fall when they do, so Mary takes that as an opportunity to move further in. “Is it okay if I sit with you? I don’t know anyone.” 

“Of course,” The blonde girl, the one who has her feet up, smiles. “My name’s Marlene McKinnon, and this is Dorcas Meadowes.” 

“I’m Mary MacDonald,” Mary says, putting her trunk up with theirs and then taking a seat next to Dorcas. She can’t help but feel a little awkward, having interrupted their conversation, but it’s not like she can change that now. “How long have you known each other?” 

Dorcas laughs, reaching up to move some of her hair behind her ear. “About five minutes, give or take. We met on the platform.” 

“Literally bumped into each other,” Marlene nods. “Nearly knocked my brother over in the process, but he managed to get away unscathed. A shame, really.” 

“Are you two muggle borns as well,” Mary asks next, settling into her seat a bit more. 

“Half blood,” Dorcas says with a shake of her head. “And Marlene too.” 

“I’ve never met a muggle born witch or wizard before,” Marlene says, cocking her head to the side. “What was it like when you found out?”

“Overwhelming,” Mary laughs, thinking back to when she found out. “Professor McGonagall came to my house, gave my parents quite the fright. It wasn’t until we got to Diagon Alley that it really sunk in, to be honest.” 

The train starts moving, and Mary doesn't even manage to check out the window for her parents before the train starts racing north. A few minutes pass, filled with friendly chatter and some laughs, and then a boy and girl poke their heads in. They’re both their age, the boy with black hair and a deep scowl, and the girl with red hair and a friendly smile. 

“Not here,” The boy says, rolling his eyes at the three of them. Marlene, Mary, and Dorcas look at each other, equally confused by what they’d done to offend this random boy. “We can find somewhere else to sit.” He’s short, but Mary still feels a bit like he’s looking down his nose at them

“Severus, please,” The girl says, clearly tired of walking. “Let’s just sit down, there’s space in here.”

“No,” He says, moving on with one last eye roll in their direction before anyone else could say anything. The girl shrugs apologetically before scurrying off behind him, and the door to the compartment closes with a bang. 

“What a git,” Marlene says as she rolls her eyes. “Hopefully I’m not put in the same house as him.”

“What house do you think you’ll be in,” Mary asks. She’d read a lot about the houses in Hogwarts: A History , but her curiosity wins, wanting to know what other people think. She still has no idea which house she wants to be a part of, but being with her new friends would be nice. 

“Gryffindor,” Marlene says, a sure smile on her face. “My dad was a Gryffindor, and so were my brothers.” She looks proud of that, which confuses Mary a little, but she figures it’s all things she’ll learn soon enough. 

“I’m not sure where I’ll be,” Dorcas admits with a shrug. “My mum was a Slytherin, and she’s the only witch I know.” 

“I hope we’re all together,” Marlene smiles. It’s the words Mary had been thinking but too scared to say aloud, but looking at the smiles on both Marlene and Dorcas’ faces, the three of them were all thinking the same thing. 

***

September 1st, 1971

Dear Mum,

Today has been complete madness. When I got on the train I found a compartment to sit in with two girls, Marlene and Dorcas. They were so nice, and Marlene is now my dorm mate!!! Dorcas was sorted into Slytherin, but from what our schedules say we’ll have classes together so we’ll see each other. 

Speaking of the sorting, it was so strange. Professor McGonagall, you remember her right? She’s the one who came to our house. Anyway, she called all our names in alphabetical order and then we sat on a stool in the front of the class and they put the Sorting Hat on our heads. It just looked like an old wizard’s hat, but then it talked! It took a couple seconds and then sorted me into Gryffindor. 

I’m not sure if you remember me telling you about the houses, but this is the brave one. Dorcas’ is the ambitious one, although that seems quite strange to me. Her mother was in Slytherin though, so maybe it runs in the family. I’m still not totally sure how it works.

I met my other dorm mates too, Lily and Annie. I’d actually already met Lily, funnily enough. She came into our compartment on the train with a boy, Severus. He was sorted into Slytherin like Dorcas, and he seemed terribly mean. I’m still not sure why Lily is friends with him, but I suppose it’s none of my business. Lily seems a bit reserved, but Annie is very nice! 

I’m in my bed now, in the dorm. Annie, Mary, and Lily are all in the common room, but I wanted a moment alone so I came up to bed early. The dorm is covered in red and gold, the Gryffindor colours. The houses seem very important, with rivalries that run very deep. I don’t really get it, if I’m being honest. Maybe I’ll get more into it the longer I’m here. 

We start classes tomorrow. Transfiguration first, with the Slytherins. Hopefully I’ll get to see Dorcas! Professor McGonagall teaches it, and I’m excited for that. She’s so nice, although scary too. 

Also, the stairs move randomly. I still don’t really understand how it works, and as for why it’s designed like that I don’t know either, because really it’s just a major inconvenience. All the non-muggle borns treat it as if it’s the most normal thing in the world, along with how the portraits move and so do pictures!

Okay I hear the girls coming up the stairs, so I should go. I’ll send this letter tomorrow after classes. 

Love,
Mary 

—

November 1st, 1971

Dear Diary, 

I’ve only been at Hogwarts for two months, and I can already say with absolute certainty that I never want to leave. 

Every day here is more exciting than the last. Lily has still been quite separated from us, but it’s been getting better. She sits with Severus in most of our classes, but she’s not ignoring us or anything, she’s friendly enough. She eats meals with Annie, Marlene and I though, and we’re turning into a bit of a foursome. 

No one is as much of a foursome as James, Peter, Sirius, and Remus though. They’re nearly inseparable, James and Sirius especially. They’re quite rude and obnoxious if I’m being honest, and Lily cannot stand them. Remus and Peter seem alright though. It makes me wonder if they’re only friends with them because they’re dorm mates or if they’re actually friends. James and Sirius are always getting into trouble, and bullying people for no reason. 

We had potions class today, which is slowly becoming one of my least favourites. Remus and Peter sit behind Marlene and I, and we’re all hopeless. Meanwhile, James and Sirius excel without trying, and Lily is good enough for herself and Annie combined! Dorcas is in the class too, although she’s paired up with Severus. 

I miss my friends from home sometimes, and I wish I could talk to them. I can’t exactly send them a letter from here though, so I suppose it’ll have to wait until I go home for Christmas so I can send it in the normal post. 

Marlene, Lily, Annie, and I sat out by the lake a bit today which was nice. It’s starting to snow here, and Dorcas came to hang out with us. Marlene and Dorcas made snow angels, and then got completely soaked and had to go to Madame Pomfrey to be warmed back up with magic so they didn’t “catch their death” as she likes to say. 

I can’t believe the year is almost over, and soon it’ll be my birthday! I’m almost sad I won’t be at school for it, but I can’t wait to see my parents as well. 

Love,
Mary 

—

December 24th, 1971

Dear Mary, 

Happy Christmas! And Happy Birthday of course. I hope you’re having a nice time with your family. Say hi to your folks for me, and that I say Happy Christmas to them as well. I’ve been trying to do our readings so I’m prepared for when we go back, but I keep finding myself going to see my old friends instead. Are you struggling with that too? I miss them, and I’m so grateful to be able to see them even just for a little bit over the holidays. 

Severus came over for tea yesterday, which was nice. My sister hates him, and refused to speak to him the entire time, but my folks were very nice and I think he had a good time despite her. It was the first time he’d actually met them, even though we grew up in the same area. Isn’t that mad? 

Anyway, I hope you’re having a good holiday, and I miss you. 

See you soon,
Lily 

1972

—

January 7th, 1972

Dear Mum, 

It’s only been a week and there’s already drama. Lily isn’t speaking to Sirius or James - she never does really, but it’s extra bad now - because they hexed Severus. But now she’s not speaking to Peter or Remus either, which isn’t normal. Marlene, Annie, and I are in the middle now, because of course we don’t agree with Sirius and James hexing him, but Peter and Remus didn’t do anything. 

Lily hasn’t been around much because of that. She eats with us still, and she’s with us in class of course, but she doesn’t come study in the library with us or out on the grounds or the common room anymore. It’s sad, and I miss the friend group I was creating here. 

Dorcas has been more and more distant too, although I don’t think that’s on purpose. This Slytherin/Gryffindor rivalry runs a lot deeper than I thought it did, and I think it’s pulling Dorcas away from us. Marlene is taking it the worst, even if she’s pretending she’s okay. They were really close, and it sucks that all of this is making everyone fight. 

I don’t know what to do. What do you think?

Love,
Mary 

—

March 11th, 1972

Dear Diary, 

Yesterday was Remus’ birthday, and of course James, Peter, and Sirius made a massive deal out of it. They refused to let him walk anywhere, much to his annoyance. But at least Lily isn’t mad at Remus and Peter anymore. She saw how annoyed Remus was with them and finally realised that he gets just as fed up with James and Sirius as she does. I think that’s as close to a win as we’re going to get. 

We all went to the library afterwards, just like we did at the beginning of the year. We’re learning about the stars in Astronomy, and Remus is taking every opportunity to do the homework with us rather than Sirius. I haven’t had to witness it, but apparently he spends more time talking about the people in his family named after the stars and constellations rather than doing any actual studying. 

Dorcas has been in and out recently, but at least she’s back somewhat. She comes and studies with us sometimes, as long as we’re in the very back of the library. I’m not sure who she’s hiding from, but I hope she’s okay. I’m always glad to see her when she does stop by. 

Since it’s a Saturday, Annie, Marlene, Lily, and I spent most of the day in our dorm. We like the break from people whenever we can get it, and since no one else can get in, that’s the best chance for a bit of peace. 

We’re going to go down for dinner soon, and I’m so glad because I’m starving! 

Love,
Mary 

***

“Remus!” Annie calls across the room to get their friend’s attention. Mary motions for him to come over when he looks at them, and he says something to James, Peter, and Sirius before grabbing his bag and walking across to them. 

“Hey,” He smiles when he gets to them, following them as they continue out the portrait hole. “What are we studying today?” They walk down the corridor together, Mary and Annie leading the way with Lily and Remus right behind. 

“History of magic,” Mary says as she looks back over her shoulder at him. “Annie and I are struggling and need you and Lily’s expertise.”

“Oh Merlin,” Remus laughs. “I don’t think I’m the person for that.” He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder. 

“Don’t be modest,” Lily shakes her head. “I read your paper on the Werewolf Code of Conduct, it was incredibly well written.” 

“My dad works at the ministry for the Department for the Regulation of Magical Creatures,” Remus shrugs. “He talked a lot about the code when I was growing up.” He looks uncomfortable about the praise, not that that surprises Mary. He’s always been the most humble of all his friends, not that that’s all that difficult with Sirius and James around. 

The library is packed. Saturdays in May seem to be the busiest time of year, with all the upperclassmen getting ready for their O.W.L.S and N.E.W.T.S plus everyone else preparing for their normal final exams. 

Mary finds it fascinating to see who is a library frequenter around this time of year. There is a Ravenclaw couple in the corner, eyes focused on their books. They look like they’re in fourth year, and Mary is pretty sure she’s seen them every time she’s come into the library in the past month or so. 

The room is a sea of red, yellow, and blue, and while there is the occasional Slytherin tie they are few and far between. It makes Mary wonder where they do their studying, if not in the library.

Then again, she supposes Dorcas is one of them now. When they’d started their study group she’d been a constant member, but as the year had gone on she’d been around less and less until finally she stopped showing up altogether. 

They manage to find a table in the back, squished in a forgotten corner between two shelves that look like they’re one sneeze away from collapsing. It is definitely not meant for four people, but they make it work as best they can. 

“Okay, I suppose we should get started,” Annie sighs, looking like that is the last thing she wants to do. “What is this exam going to cover again?”

“Emeric the Evil, Uric the Oddball, and Elfric the Eager,” Lily says, opening her textbook to the chapter on Elfric the Eager and acting as if she hasn’t already answered that question about ten times since the exam had been announced. 

At the end of their study session, Mary isn’t entirely sure she even got any studying done, considering they spent a fair amount of their time listening to Annie’s dramatic reenactment of a breakup she’d witnessed between two Hufflepuffs the day before on the way back to the common room from the Great Hall. 

Even Remus was laughing, which wasn’t all that common. He was slowly opening up to them as the year went on, but he still didn’t always participate in their conversations the same way that other people did. He was reserved, but Mary was sure he was hiding a wicked sense of humour under all those jumpers. 

By the time they start heading down to dinner, Mary had managed to memorise at least a couple facts, and more importantly she was definitely a bit closer to Remus in the process. As she sat down at her seat in the Great Hall, she figured to herself, At the end of the day, making friends is the most important part of it all, isn’t it?

***

August 16th, 1972

Dear Peter, 

I hope your summer break is going well! Thank you for your last letter, I loved reading all about your adventures so far this summer. My life has been so boring, I really am just living through all of you now. 

Lily wrote to me a couple weeks ago to tell me she’s in Scotland visiting some of her mother’s family. Marlene is playing Quidditch non stop with her brothers, not that I really want to play Quidditch but it still sounds a lot more fun than sitting around with my parents. Annie went to Canada with her family, can you believe it? I’ve never been out of the UK before, have you? They took a plane and were there for a couple weeks. She sent me a couple photos of the bears they saw, and the moving pictures are scary enough, I couldn’t imagine seeing them in person. 

Have you heard from Remus, Sirius, and James at all? I keep meaning to write to Remus but I always forget. I’ll do that right after this, so I don’t forget. 

ANYWAY! Distracted again, silly me. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! That was the original reason for this letter, I just got a bit sidetracked. I know it’s tomorrow, but I wanted to make sure the letter got to you on time and my owl isn’t always the most reliable. I am glad to have her at all though, my parents got her for me because of my good marks on the final exams. 

I hope you like the drawing, I’m sure you know this already, but it’s our whole little group. I’m sorry I can’t send you more than that and this chocolate frog. I know you collect the cards, so I hope you get one you don’t have already. 

Love,
Mary 

***

When Mary gets to the Charms classroom after lunch, she’s the first person there. She’s early, so that isn’t all that surprising, and she walks in and to her seat at the front without any incident. She likes getting to Charms early, because often Professor Flitwick is still writing on the blackboard, and it feels familiar, a bit like her muggle school. 

“Ah, Miss MacDonald,” Flitwick says when he steps onto his books to turn and write on the board. “How are you today?” 

“I’m good, thank you Professor,” Mary smiles, getting out her charms textbook and setting it on the desk in front of her before pushing her bag under her chair. The last time she’d arrived before Annie and not put her bag under her chair, it had ended with Annie face first on the floor, and Mary has no interest in repeating that. 

“That’s good to hear,” Flitwick smiles back, and then turns to the blackboard. He raises his wand, and Mary watches as the words for the lesson appear in front of her. 

“Memory charms?” Annie says next to her, causing Mary to nearly jump out of her chair. “Is that what we’re learning today?” 

“Sweet Jesus,” Mary says, clutching her chest and breathing a bit heavier than she had been before. “Warn a girl next time.” 

“Sorry,” Annie laughs, settling into her chair. She doesn’t bat an eye at Mary’s use of Jesus instead of Merlin, her friends had quickly gotten used to being around Lily and Mary, who still aren’t used to the wizarding versions of words.

“He just wrote that down,” Mary nods to the board, where Flitwick is no longer writing. “But I would assume it’s correct.” She holds in a laugh, and whatever retort Annie was going to come up with is stopped by Marlene and Lily joining them. 

“You got here quickly,” Mary says, smiling at Marlene. She’d forgotten her textbook in their dorm, and she’d run back to grab it with only eleven minutes to spare before the period started. 

“I definitely almost knocked at least three people over,” Marlene laughs, settling down in her seat. 

“Chances are they deserved it,” Sirius’ voice, filled with laughter and mischief like always, comes from behind them, so Mary turns around to face him. He’s followed by James, Peter, and Remus, and they all take their seats next to each other. 

Lily scoffs. “Of course you’d say that.”

“You alright, Evans,” Sirius asks with a grin, turning from Marlene to Lily. “I didn’t see you there, my bad.”

“It’s a wonder you can see anything past your ridiculously large ego,” Lily retorts, cheeks turning pink with anger.  

Their little spat is cut off by Professor Flitwick, tapping his wand on the chalkboard to get their attention. “Hello class.”

“Hi Professor,” They all echo, everyone turning to the front. 

Lily is still clearly pissed, and Mary is frustrated, yet again, that Sirius seems to be hell bent on being the biggest pain in the arse Mary has ever met. It made it incredibly difficult to be friends with him, despite her vow to be friends with everyone. 

“Today, as you can see from the board, we’re going to be learning about memory charms. Can anyone tell me what a memory charm is?”

Lily’s hand is in the air before Flitwick can even finish his sentence, and he chuckles a little as he turns to her. “Yes, Miss Evans?”

“A memory charm is a spell that makes the person it hits forget something, it can be used to forget all memories, or just some, based on what the person casting it wants.” Lily’s explanation sounds like it’s right out of the textbook, and Mary wouldn’t be surprised if it is. 

“Excellent, ten points to Gryffindor,” Flitwick says. Mary doesn’t miss Lily’s smile, it brightens her face and makes her already slightly pink cheeks even pinker. “Now, can anyone tell me what the incantation is?”

Lily raises her hand again, but Flitwick doesn’t call on her. Instead, his eyes focus on someone behind them, someone who is clearly whispering something to someone else. 

“Mr. Black, Mr. Potter,” Flitwick says. Mary turns to look at them just in time to see them look up from a piece of parchment on their desk and stop whispering to look at the Professor. “Do you have anything to share with the class?”

“Not at all, Professor,” Sirius says, clearly trying to turn on the charm. Flitwick clearly isn’t impressed, and Mary feels very good about that as she turns back around. 

“Can you answer the question?” Flitwick asks, not repeating the question. 

“Obliviate,” Sirius says without missing a beat. The fact that he knows that is impressive, if not annoying, and Mary holds in the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Ten points to Gryffindor,” Flitwick says, although he doesn’t look happy about it. Mary can’t see it from where she’s facing the front, but she’s pretty sure Sirius has that stupid smug smile on his face. 

“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this, but memory charms are incredibly dangerous. They are never to be used lightly, and the use of the spell during your time here at Hogwarts is strictly prohibited.” Flitwick turns his gaze from their group and looks around at all the other students as well, making sure they all acknowledge the severity of his words. 

Mary can’t help the sigh of relief she has when she sees everyone nodding their heads, even Sirius and James. She has no interest in hearing about one of their mindless pranks when it goes wrong, especially not one that would have such big consequences. 

“Your assignment for this week is to write me an essay about the history of the charm, as well as how it works and the dangers it poses. Three feet of parchment, on my desk next Monday,” Flitwick says. 

The rest of the lesson passes slowly, and Mary tries not to daydream as she looks out the window. It’s sunny out, and she knows there will be fewer and fewer of those days as September turns to October and leaves start to fall. 

Normally, they would spend the rest of the afternoon studying in the library until dinner and then Astronomy, but Mary has no interest in spending the nice day outside. They all walk out of the classroom, Mary, Annie, and Lily in front while Marlene trails behind with Remus, Peter, James, and Sirius. 

Mary doesn’t miss Lily’s eyeroll when Marlene laughs at something James says, but everyone else does. Mary, deciding that is not something she wants to spiral into a big deal, turns to everyone when they are out of the way in the hall. 

“Anyone want to study outside today?” She shrugs as she asks. “I reckon this is one of the last nice days we’ll have for a while.” 

Peter nods immediately, always the first one to agree to a change of location. He always says it’s to create a change of pace, but Mary is pretty sure it’s actually because it makes everyone else just as distracted as he is. 

“I think I might sit this one out,” Remus says, not looking any of them in the eye. “I’m not feeling all that well today.” 

James and Sirius, who had previously been in a quiet conversation together, immediately look up when he says that. Their facial expressions confuse Mary, because they look like they’re sceptical of Remus’ words. But what reason do they have not to believe him? 

“Do you need anything from us, Remus,” Lily asks, putting her hand on his arm. He jerks away forcefully, causing Lily to jump a bit. 

“I’m fine,” He snaps. He immediately looks super guilty, and reaches out to squeeze Lily’s hands. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I think I need to go see Madame Pomfrey.” He says the last part very quietly, and then turns away from them and walks down the corridor towards the hospital wing. 

“Is he okay?” Marlene asks when they can’t see his back anymore. 

“Yeah, of course,” James brushes it off with a smile, but Mary doesn’t miss the look he shares with Peter and Sirius. Whatever Remus is going through, they don’t want to talk about it. Not that Mary could blame them, because she’d defend her friends just as strongly. 

***

November 1st, 1972

Dear Diary, 

I cannot believe I managed to stay awake through that horrible double history lesson earlier today. I always loved history before Hogwarts, so I figured I’d love it here too. Boy was I wrong. Maybe it’s because of all the dates and names I have to memorise, or maybe it’s because Professor Binns cannot hold anyone’s attention to save his life (ha!) but either way, it is easily my least favourite subject. 

We’re learning about the Medieval Assembly of European Wizards, which is just as riveting as it sounds (so, not at all). The saving grace in all of this is Marlene, of course. She sits next to me and draws little doodles in the margins of what should be her notes but actually consists of her to do list. 

Today’s list: beat Peter in Wizard’s Chess, finally convince Frank Longbottom to bring her back a chocolate frog from Honeydukes when they go into Hogsmeade this weekend, make James let her help him plan Sirius’ birthday, and beg Lily to do half of her History of Magic homework. 

I’m pretty sure she’s only going to complete one of them (getting the chocolate frog from Frank). I keep telling her all she needs to do is ask him when Alice Fortescue is around, because Alice will do all the convincing for her, but she always gets embarrassed and changes the subject. I’m not entirely sure why, I’m not even sure I’ve ever seen Marlene interact with Alice, but she refuses to talk about it so I’ve stopped asking. 

I’ve started drawing in class, because it’s not like Professor Binns will notice. Last week a picture I drew of him circled the whole class, no one contained their laughter, and he never even noticed! I was worried I was going to get detention, because Snape simply cannot contain how much he dislikes me, but Lily managed to make him shut up. 

I don’t know what I’ve done to make him hate me so much, but honestly? I wouldn’t change it for a thing. He doesn’t like me, I don’t like him, and that’s fine by me. I do feel bad for Lily though, if I’m being honest. I don’t think she realises how much of a toerag he is. I don’t agree with Sirius and James’ methods, but it can be fun sometimes to see him brought down a peg or two. 

Speaking of, they have detention tonight. Remus and Peter were laughing as they walked into the Great Hall for breakfast, and then Snape walked in five minutes later with bright red hair. Sirius and James arrived even further after that, and they ended up having to scarf down a piece of toast and nothing else or else they would have been late for class. 

Only Sirius and James have detention, but Remus and Peter obviously knew it was happening. I wonder if they’re involved or just bystanders, because they never seem to get caught. I wish I could spend a day in one of their heads, if I’m being honest. Then again, maybe not. They’re nice enough, but I don’t think I want to know their every waking thought. 

Love,
Mary 

—

December 27th, 1972

Dear Lily, 

I went to the cinema with my mum, my muggle friend (Francine, I think I told you about her?), and my friend’s mum yesterday. We went to see ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’. Have you seen it? It only came out on December 4th. I figured if anyone had seen it, it would be you. It was very good! I didn’t realise how much I missed muggle films, if I’m being honest. I still don’t know why wizards haven’t come up with their own version. 

I got a letter from Marlene the other day. I’m not sure if she sent it to you too, but apparently she saw Dorcas in Diagon Alley. They were both there with their mums, and apparently Dorcas looked at her and practically ran in the other direction. Marlene was in shambles, from what I could tell. There were a lot of crossed out sections on the letter, and I think she’d been crying because there were dark spots on the parchment that looked like they might have been tears. 

Do you also miss Hogwarts? I’ve been trying to keep myself in the present here, because I’m at school most of the year and here so little, but I can’t help it. I miss all of you, and I love my parents and Francine but they just don’t get it the same way you do. 

Speak soon. Maybe we can arrange a telephone call? Mrs. Smith next door said I could use hers if I wanted. Let me know if you have a number nearby I can call. 

Love,
Mary 

1973

—

January 21st, 1973

Dear Diary, 

Today was James’ first quidditch match. Alfie Bones got hit in the head by a bludger last week (sent by Mulciber, of course) and had to go to the hospital wing. They say he’s going to be okay, but he refuses to get back on a broom. Not that I can blame him, I don’t think I would either. So, James is on the team. 

He’s over the moon, even if he’s (mostly) hiding it out of respect. We wanted to go out to support him, so Sirius, Remus, Peter, Annie, Marlene, and I all went. We tried to convince Lily to come along, but James said something stupid and winked and she rolled her eyes and stormed out of the Great Hall in a huff. 

It was my first game, if you can believe it. Quidditch just doesn’t appeal to me, or sports in general, and I didn’t really care to go if I didn’t know someone on the team. Marlene is basically an expert, and she and Sirius are practically frothing at the mouth to join the team too. They were sitting together, talking a mile a minute and with no words that I understood, so they ended up being no help. 

Luckily, Peter was sitting next to me. He also likes quidditch, but he likes it… with less loud energy. I still don’t fully understand it, but I get the basics. Get red ball in hoop. Catch tiny gold flying ball. Whoever has the most points wins. Easy enough, if only I could remember all the other rules. Every time Madame Hooch made a call, or anytime Sirius and Marlene said something confusing, Peter whispered what it meant to me. He called it the ‘English translation’, and I laughed every time. 

I’m really glad we’re friends. I’m glad all of us are friends, but I don’t know. Peter really gets me, I feel like. Out of all the boys, he’s the one I’m closest to. I love the girls, and they’re truly my best friends in the whole world, but Peter is quiet like me. He doesn’t like to study 24/7 like Lily, he doesn’t like to randomly burst into song like Marlene, and he doesn’t make jokes at random times like Annie. 

Anyway, I don’t know where I was going with that. I guess I’m just grateful. 

Love,
Mary 

***

When Sirius, James, and Peter manage to get to Transfiguration class before Remus does, Mary is definitely curious. They are whispering to each other, heads together, making sure no one is lip reading by holding their hands over their mouths. They all look worried, which is never a good sign with them. 

When Remus finally walks in, he looks angry. More than that even, he looks downright murderous. His eyes lock on Sirius’, and it’s almost like they’re having a fully yelled conversation only through their eyes. In another circumstance, Mary might have found it impressive. In this case, she’s honestly a little scared. 

Remus sits down hard, slamming his bag down on the ground and waving Peter off when he leans in to say something. He doesn’t get out his textbook or parchment, but he has enough friends fretting over him, so Mary stays silent. 

Mary exchanges worried glances with Marlene and Lily, but none of them really know what to do so they all just shrug helplessly at each other. Mary wants to say something, but she doesn’t want to get in trouble and she doesn’t think it would help anyway. 

James, Sirius, and Peter are all focused on Remus, who has his head down on the desk. Sirius is rubbing circles on Remus’ back, and Mary can’t see his face but she’s pretty sure Remus is falling asleep. 

“Good morning class,” Professor McGonagall says as she stands from her desk. Remus finally looks up, blinking a big sluggishly but overall looking okay. “Today we’re going to be learning the incantation to turn animals into water goblets.” 

Mary finds herself completely immersed in the class, just like she always is. Transfiguration is easily her favourite class, and she enjoys it all. It isn’t until Professor McGonagall passes her table and stops in front of Remus’ that she clues in to anything happening around her. 

“Mr. Lupin,” Professor McGonagall says as she raps on the desk with her knuckles. Remus stays fast asleep, head resting on his folded arms. 

“Don’t,” Sirius says, standing up and stepping so he’s almost in front of him, protecting the still fast asleep Remus. He has a fire in his eyes Mary has never seen before, and based on Professor McGonagall’s face, it’s new to her too. 

“Mr. Black, I would highly suggest that you sit back down,” Professor McGonagall says to him, before turning back to Remus. Sirius doesn’t move, and McGonagall just ignores him to look at Remus again. “Mr. Lupin, please stay awake in my class.” 

“I said don’t,” Sirius says, glaring full force at McGonagall. “He didn’t get any sleep, just give him a few extra minutes.” 

“Detention, Mr. Black,” Professor McGonagall says. Mary notices some wavering in their eye contact, but neither of them backs down. “For you and Mr. Lupin, after dinner. And ten points from Gryffindor each.” 

“Yes, Professor,” Sirius says slightly sarcastically, but McGonagall either doesn’t catch the tone or has decided it doesn’t matter enough to fight whatever battle it would turn into. 

They somehow manage to get through the rest of the lesson, and when it’s over Remus is somehow more angry than he had been before. He’s banging things around, snapping at everyone who so much as looked at him, and Mary is pretty sure he has managed to scare at least half of their classmates. 

They walk to Charms together, Sirius and Remus in the front, James and Peter right behind, and then Annie, Mary, Marlene, and Lily all a few steps after. Despite his clear anger, Remus never turns it on his friends. He scowls at them more, rolls his eyes more, but never anything other than that. 

“So, Lupin,” Evan Rosier, a Slytherin in their year who Mary only recognizes because he often sits behind her in class, says as they stop outside the charms classroom. “You’re so sickly you couldn’t even stay awake in class?” 

“Oh shove off, Rosier,” James says, rolling his eyes. “Go back to your friends and leave us alone.” 

“Last time I checked, your name wasn’t Lupin.” Rosier has a look of pure disdain on his face, and his tone makes Mary’s blood turn to ice in her veins. “Then again, you’re no better than him. Filthy blood traitor, best friends with a filthy half blood.” All the blood in Mary’s body rushed from her head, and she might have fallen over if not for Annie standing next to her. 

“What did you just call us,” Remus asks quietly. His anger is scary, because it’s quieter now. It almost feels like it could lull people into a false sense of security, until he picks his time to strike. “Please, say it again.” 

“Filthy blood traitor,” Rosier says, enunciating as if Remus is stupid. “Friends with a filthy half blood.” 

The words have barely left his mouth before Remus’ fist is in his face. Mary can’t help her shriek when she sees blood, and she locks hands with Annie and Marlene as they all stare in shock at their bookish friend throwing hands with a Slytherin bully. 

Quicker than Mary could say ‘stop’, Rosier’s equally ruthless if not a bit more crazy best friend, Barty Crouch Jr., is jumping in, and James joins in an effort to stop him. Mary is pretty sure Remus could take care of himself, if the scars across his face are anything to go off of, but that doesn’t matter to James as he throws punch after punch. 

Mary is pretty sure people around them started chanting ‘Fight, fight, fight’, at some point, but she can’t hear it over the sound of blood pumping in her ears. It goes on for a bit, neither party giving up and no one else joining in, before Professor Flitwick, probably having heard the commotion, comes out of his classroom. 

“Boys,” He shouts, but either none of them heard him or they just don’t care. “Mr. Lupin, Mr. Potter, Mr. Crouch, and Mr. Rosier, stop this fighting at once!” That seems to be the thing that breaks Remus and James out of it, because they both pull back. 

Rosier and Crouch clearly don’t get the memo, because they each attempt a last swing, failing miserably and causing a couple of quiet laughs from the surrounding Gryffindors. Mary might have laughed if the circumstances were different, but instead she rushes forward with Sirius and Peter to help. 

“Are you okay?” Mary asks, looking over Remus as Sirius and Peter surround James. There is blood, but she can’t really tell how much of it is actually his and how much of it is Rosier’s. 

“I’m fine,” Remus mutters, waving her off. 

“You’re bleeding,” James points out, gesturing to Remus’ eyebrow. 

“So are you,” Remus nods to James’ split lip. They grin at each other, a worrying sight considering how they were still both covered in blood, and Sirius and Peter join in on whatever silent conversation they were having. 

“Forty points from Gryffindor and Slytherin for fighting,” Professor Flitwick says as he shakes his head. “All of you, get to the hospital wing to get cleaned up, and I’d better not hear about any more fighting for the rest of the day or it’ll be a hundred points each. My office after class for your detention.” 

None of them move, and it isn’t until Professor Flitwick yells that the four boys, still glaring at each other, head down the hallway towards the hospital wing.

“Now,” Professor Flitwick says, clapping his hands together. “Everyone else please come in so we can get started on the lesson.” 

If Mary said she was paying attention, it would be a lie. Every little sound has her looking towards the door, waiting for the moment that Remus and James come back. She can hear Sirius and Peter whispering and passing notes to each other behind her, and in any other circumstances she probably would have been annoyed, but not this time. 

Finally, about halfway into the lesson, the door opens for real. Remus and James come through first, and Mary can’t help the sigh of relief she lets out when she sees that they both look okay. Crouch and Rosier come in after, and she doesn’t even spare them a cursory glance as Remus and James walk towards her, settling into their seats next to Sirius and Peter. 

Professor Flitwick doesn’t stop teaching as they sit down and get out their books, and Mary resists the urge to turn around and ask if they’re okay. Their whispering gets louder, as James fights to make sure Sirius can hear him across Peter and Remus, until finally Professor Flitwick has had enough. 

“Mr. Lupin, Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew, Mr. Black,” He says, completely ignoring everyone else in favour of staring at the four Gryffindors. “Do you have something to share with the class?” Mary turns around to see them, just in time to see Peter shake his head. 

“No, Professor,” Peter says. Mary can’t tell if it’s because he’s trying to keep the peace or if it’s something else, but clearly Remus has other ideas, because he rolls his eyes. 

“Mr. Lupin?” Flitwick asks, turning his attention to Remus instead. “Anything to share?”

“To be honest, Professor,” Remus says, a layer of calm over his simmering anger. “I think James and I getting detention and points away from Gryffindor was a bit of a shit move on your part. Considering how offensive Tweedledee and Tweedledum were, I think they fucking deserved it.” 

Mary hides her grin in her fist, laughing over the ‘Alice in Wonderland’ reference that she is absolutely sure only she and Lily get. Everyone else, including Flitwick, looks incredibly confused, and it just makes Mary want to laugh harder. 

“Be very careful about what you say next, Mr. Lupin,” Flitwick answers. Mary is pretty sure he is two seconds away from losing his shit, and she wonders how much longer it’ll take before he starts yelling. 

“All do respect sir, but I think you should be telling that to the gits who started the fight in the first place. Or do you prefer to reward bad behaviour?” Remus raises his eyebrows, clearly trying to pull a fight out of Flitwick, and from the looks of it, succeeding. 

“Detention, Mr. Lupin. For the rest of the week,” Flitwick says, ready to turn back to the board and the lesson, but Peter speaks up before he can. 

“Really Professor? You’re not even going to hear him out? That’s not exactly fair, is it?” Mary is pretty sure she’d never seen Peter be more outspoken, but she figures that’s just what their friendship pulls out of him. 

Peter wears that detention as a badge of honour for the rest of the day, and by the looks he gets from Remus, James, and Peter, it’s a badge they’re proud of too. 

***

March 27th, 1973

Dear Mum, 

Have you heard from Francine yet? I really want to make sure I can see her when I come back for the Easter holidays, but if she’s going to be in church the whole time I understand. I do hope she can make some time, though. 

Today is James’ birthday, and he hasn’t shut up about it. Every time he enters a room, Sirius and Peter start singing Happy Birthday, and he’s started ducking in and out of the Common Room so they do it over and over and over again. I’m pretty sure Remus would have put one of their heads through the wall by now if he was here, but he’s with Lily in the library. 

Marlene and Annie are having a grand old time watching them. Marlene would have joined in by now, except every time she does Annie puts her hand over her mouth. The last time she did it though, Marlene bit her. So maybe that will change. The day is almost over though, thank god. 

I never thought I’d say I’ll be sad to see the birthday song go, but I am so glad we don’t have to hear it again until Sirius’ birthday when we come back from the summer holidays.  

Peter and I went to the Hufflepuff vs Ravenclaw quidditch game together the other day. None of our friends wanted to go, and honestly I wouldn’t have either except I’m still trying to learn how quidditch works completely. I’m getting tired of listening to Marlene and Sirius talk on and on at the games while I have nothing to say. 

He spent the whole time “translating” the game again, except from what the announcer was saying, rather than what Sirius and Marlene were. It was nice. It was raining, but we took an umbrella and stood under it. Most of the Gryffindor stands were empty, so we weren’t blocking anyone behind us or anything. 

We’ve got a Transfiguration essay and a Herbology project both due on the same day, and that’s only the beginning of the end of the year. Teachers have already started discussing final exams, and I keep being so frustrated because it’s not even April yet! Can’t we take it a little slower than this? 

Anyway, I hope you’re good. Give my love to dad. 

Love,
Mary 

***

Mary is pretty sure her trunk has doubled in weight since Easter, and she has no idea how or why. Chances are she’d get home and find some of the stuff in there was actually Lily or Marlene’s, but she figures that’s a problem for future Mary. 

She walks arm in arm down the way to the carriages with Remus, who is clearly very glad to have a moment away from James, Sirius, and Peter, who are loudly singing Hoggy Warty Hogwarts as they walk. 

“If anyone asks, I’m not friends with them,” Remus grins to Mary. She laughs, but doesn't miss the fond expression in Remus’ eyes even though she’s pretty sure he’s trying to hide it. 

“I think half the school knows about you four already, it might be a bit late to take that one back,” She grins. It’s true that somehow in only two years James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter have managed to become a bit of a regular name, as they tend to cause the most mischief of all the other Gryffindors combined. 

“Is it too late to change my name and transfer schools,” Remus laughs when Sirius starts spinning around in circles as he walks, arms thrown out and singing up towards the sky. 

“As long as you take me with you,” Mary smiles. 

“Deal,” Remus grins, squeezing her arm. They laugh all the way to the carriages, as James, Sirius, and Peter just keep singing the song on repeat. They’re trying to harmonise and failing, because none of them could really sing to begin with. 

“Boo,” Remus calls out to them, still laughing. “You suck, get off the stage.” None of them stop singing to respond, which Mary is pretty sure was the original intention of the insult, but instead Sirius stops spinning around and walks backwards, flipping off Remus and continuing to sing. 

“Our heads could do with filling, with some interesting stuff,” They continue to sing as Sirius flips Remus off. 

“You especially, right Sirius? Last time I checked your head was empty, not a thought in sight,” Remus laughs through Sirius’ death glare, and Mary can’t hide her smile at their antics no matter how hard she tries. 

“Are you laughing at me, MacDonald,” Sirius finally stops singing to say. 

“He speaks!” Remus exclaims, a giant grin on his face because he’d won the unspoken contest of who would break first. 

“It’s not like I’d forgotten how,” Sirius retorts as James and Peter continue to sing. “Besides, singing is technically talking, so really your logic is flawed.” 

“You’re flawed,” Remus mutters, still laughing. 

“Careful, Remus,” Sirius grins. “You’ll start to sound like my mother.” Remus rolls his eyes as Sirius laughs, and Mary doesn’t mind when Remus smiles at her and then pulls away to join his friends. 

Marlene moves up, taking Remus’ place, and Mary lets herself be sucked into the conversation she was having with Lily and Annie. Sirius and James are holding hands and skipping down the street, which can’t be comfortable with their trunks in their other hands, but they clearly don’t care. 

“See you on the platform?” James calls back to them as they step into a carriage. Mary knows, in theory, that the carriages aren’t just pulled by air, but none of them can see the thestrals, so they don’t fully exist in Mary’s head. 

“Let’s meet under the bridge?” Marlene asks as she nods.

“See you there,” Peter nods before sitting down and jumping back into their off key rendition of Hoggy Hoggy Hogwarts. 

‘Save me,’ Remus mouths to them, and Mary just laughs as she waves. 

“Shall we?” Annie asks, gesturing for Mary to step up first. 

They all settle in, and Mary holds onto the edge of the bench as they start moving. They talk about the summer holidays as they go, Lily talking about how much she’s looking forward to seeing her parents, Marlene about how she’s excited to play quidditch with her brothers, and Mary is just content to listen. The truth is, she doesn’t really want to go home. 

When they pull up at the Hogsmeade train station, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter are waiting just under the bridge like they’d promised. James frantically waves over to them, as if there’s any chance they could miss him, and they say bye to Lily before walking over to meet them. 

“Where’s Lily going?” James asks, eyes following Lily as she steps onto the train without a glance back at them. 

“She’s going to sit with Snape,” Marlene shrugs, leading the way over to one of the other doors. Mary doesn’t miss James’ eyeroll, but she chooses to ignore it. 

They pass two already full compartments and one half full one, before finally finding somewhere to sit. They throw their trunks up onto the shelves, Peter helping Mary because she can’t quite reach, and then settle in for the ride. 

They all talk the whole way, and Mary refuses to look out the window even once. She doesn’t want to go home, so she just pretends she isn’t. 

***

September 7th, 1973

Dear Mum, 

Remus brought a record player with him! His Dad gave it to him this summer, and he brought a few records as well. His favourite is Queen, it came out in July. I’d never heard of it, or of the band. It’s their first album, and Remus is already obsessed. He brought Led Zeppelin too, all of their albums, ‘Exile on Main Street’ from The Rolling Stones, and ‘The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars’ by David Bowie. 

It’s nothing like the music we listen to at home! None of it was released before 1969, and it’s all rock. I like it, but no one likes it as much as Remus and Sirius. I’m pretty sure they’d take it to class if they could, but of course they can’t. I wonder if that’ll be a thing one day, a portable music player. I think Remus and Sirius would buy the first two, if it did exist. 

James and Sirius are taking Muggle Studies this year, the only two out of all of us. Makes sense, since they’re the only purebloods. I’m pretty sure Sirius is taking it to spite his parents, but James seems genuinely interested. I have a feeling he’s going to use it to ask Lily questions, but I don’t think he realises that it’s not going to magically make her like him. 

We’re all taking Care of Magical Creatures together, all eight of us, and Lily and I are taking Ancient Runes. Remus and Peter are taking Divination with Annie and Marlene, which should be entertaining to hear about. According to James, their Divination teacher is a bit batty. When he told Peter that he laughed and said every Divination teacher must be batty. 

Professor Kettleburn seems nice enough. We had our first week of classes and were told what we’d be learning about. I’m most excited for the hippogriff lesson, and least excited for the flobberworm one. We went over some basics so far, and we won’t have our first assignment until next week. 

Apparently none of our other teachers got the idea to go a bit easy on us this first week. We’ve already got essays in most of our classes, and Professor Slughorn has made it his personal mission to make sure we never get any free time I’m pretty sure. 

I should probably get started on the Transfiguration homework. It’s due the earliest, and I don’t want to start the year on the wrong foot with Professor McGonagall. 

Love,
Mary 

—

November 1st, 1973

Dear Diary, 

Our first Hogsmeade weekend is coming up this weekend! It’s only Thursday, but I can barely contain my excitement. James and Sirius have already talked about going to Zonko’s (that’s the joke shop), not that that surprises me. Remus and Peter have started a list of what they want from Honeydukes (the sweet shop, again, not a surprise). I think I’m going to go with them, because I have very little interest in going anywhere near James and Sirius when they’re planning a prank. 

Remus practically has chocolate bars instead of eyes at this point, he’s so excited. I keep seeing him writing his lists in the corners of his notes in class when he thinks no one aside from Peter is watching. 

Speaking of lists, Marlene’s newest one, straight from History of Magic today: beat Peter at Exploding Snap, steal one of the chocolate bars we all know Remus is hiding in the boys dorm somewhere, and make a list of what she wants to do in Hogsmeade. Why she didn’t make that list while she was making this one I’ll never know, but that’s Marlene for you. 

I think I’m most excited for Tomes and Scrolls, the bookshop. I didn’t bring any books to read this year, other than my school books, and Lily said she’d split the cost of a book with me if we both liked it. 

After we’ve all gone to the shops we want to see the most, we’re going to meet back at The Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer and to show each other what we got. 

Love,
Mary 

—

December 27th, 1973

Dear Mary, 

I hope you had a good Christmas. Did you get that book you wanted, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH? I think that was the one. I hope you got it and liked it! 

My parents got me a chocolate frog and I just happened to get Bowman Wright, the inventor of the Golden Snitch. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the ones Peter is missing right? I know you know more about his cards than I do. I’m thinking of giving it to him if he doesn’t have it, it’s not like I have any use for it. The frog itself almost managed to get away from me, but I caught it just before it did. 

My dad got me a couple new records for Christmas too! ‘All The Young Dudes’ by Mott the Hoople, ‘Aladdin Sane’ by Bowie (that one was more for Sirius, to be honest, but he knows I’ll like it too), and ‘The Dark Side of the Moon’ by Pink Floyd. 

I forgot to say this on the train, but feel free to bring some records of your own, if you want! I know mine are a bit rock heavy, which isn’t everyone’s favourite. I told Lily the same thing, because I know none of the others will have any muggle music to bring (and Merlin knows we already listen to enough wizard music to last a lifetime). 

See you on the train!
Remus 

1974

—

January 14th, 1974

Dear Mum, 

Everyone likes the records I brought! I was a bit worried they wouldn’t, because it’s not the same kind of stuff Remus brings, but they like it. Especially The Beatles album you took me to get in London before the train, so I’m really glad I got it. 

Lily brought some as well, and even though she doesn’t hang out with us much (she still cannot stand being anywhere near James and Sirius), I think she stays around more because it means she gets to use the record player. She brought that album we looked at, the one Stevie Nicks put out. Buckingham Nicks, I think it’s called? I like it a lot more than I thought I would, so I’m glad she brought it. 

Remus brought all his new ones, too. Just like he figured, Sirius is obsessed with the new Bowie one. He charmed it to play The Prettiest Star on repeat, much to Remus’ annoyance. It took Remus all day to figure out how to make it stop, and then he banned Sirius from listening to the album for a week. 

As for classes, they’re entertaining enough. We’re learning how to make plants grow faster in Herbology, and I can’t wait until I can use magic outside of school so I can help with your garden. 

We’re in the werewolf part of Defence Against the Dark Arts, and I’m pretty sure Sirius has never participated in a class more than he is in this one. It’s never helpful, but it’s fun to watch. Every time Professor Finney says anything, Sirius jumps in with something funny. I’m not really sure what his goal is, but he has James and Peter practically howling in laughter. Remus not so much, but I’ve noticed his little smiles he’s trying to hide. 

I promised Lily and Remus that I would study with them in the library today, so I’ve got to go. Talk soon. 

Love,
Mary 

—

February 24th, 1974

Dear Diary, 

I have no idea where Remus is getting his seemingly endless supply of cigarettes from, but I’m pretty sure Lily is about five seconds away from burning down the dorm to find them all and get rid of them. 

Ever since he came back from the Christmas holidays smoking, he’s been getting more and more people involved. Sirius was first of course, because Sirius will do anything Remus does, and Peter followed pretty quickly after that. I’m pretty sure James would be in on it too, except he won’t because of quidditch. 

Marlene started last week. Or, we found out last week. I went up to the boys dorm to ask James for a copy of his Transfiguration notes (who would have thought I’d be asking for James’ notes? It was either him or Sirius though, the two of them wrote more in that lesson on animagi than they have in the rest of school combined!) and found Marlene up there already, halfway done with a cigarette. 

She put it out pretty quick, but I’ve been smelling the smoke on her for the last couple days, so I know she hasn’t stopped. Lily found out a couple days ago, and immediately started yelling at Sirius. She wouldn’t listen when he pointed out Remus had started it all, so I’m pretty sure she just wanted an excuse to yell at him. 

I want to try it, but I’m not going to. My parents would kill me. 

Love,
Mary

***

“Pass me a cigarette, would you?” Sirius says to Remus from where he’s lying on the grass. He’s staring up at the sky, or at least what he can see of it from under the tree, with his books open next to his head. 

“Finish your essay, and then I will,” Remus answers, not looking up from where he’s writing his own essay. He’s sitting with his legs crossed, staring intently between the Divinations textbook on the grass and the parchment on his lap. He has a cigarette between his fingers, and Mary is pretty sure it’s nearly forgotten. 

“You have one,” Sirius whines, turning onto his side to reach out for Remus’, but he just holds his hand further away, still not looking up. 

“That’s because I brought them,” Remus answers. “Get your own.” 

“Or,” Lily speaks up from where she’s helping Marlene with her Transfiguration essay. “You could all stop smoking. It’s gross and probably going to kill you.” 

“Lighten up, Lily,” Marlene laughs. She also has a cigarette, although hers is certainly not forgotten. 

“We’re all going to die sometime. May as well do it happy,” Peter nods, finishing his own cigarette and putting it in their pile. 

“Exactly my point, Pete,” Sirius says, pointing to him. Mary notices at the same time he does that his hand is very close to Remus’, and he reaches out to snatch the cigarette from him before Remus can do anything to stop it. He takes a drag, closing his eyes and lying back down. 

“At least it shuts him up,” Lily mutters, mostly to herself, and Marlene laughs a little. Sirius definitely hears it, if his eye roll is anything to go off of, but he just keeps smoking instead of saying anything. 

None of them speak for a while, all preoccupied by their own things. Most of them are working on Transfiguration, aside from Remus and his Divination homework and Sirius and his nap, and it isn’t until a shadow falls over them that they look up. 

“Dorcas,” Marlene says, the shock clear in her voice as she scrambles to stand up. 

It isn’t that they’d stopped seeing her, because that was impossible. It’s just that she’d stopped talking to them. She’d made new friends, ones in her own house, and Marlene and Mary had realised quickly that they seemed to be more important to Dorcas than their meeting on the train. 

“Hi,” Dorcas says, rubbing her hands together awkwardly. She has her braids up in a bun, some of the pieces starting to come loose, and she pushes one of them behind her ear. “Do you mind if I sit with you?” 

“Why?” Marlene asks, one hand on her hip and the other still tightly holding that same cigarette. “Got tired of your new friends and decided to ditch them like you ditched us?” She was clearly trying to hit hard, and Dorcas’ very obvious wince indicates it worked. 

“I deserved that,” Dorcas nods. She isn’t smiling, and she looks more uncomfortable than Mary has ever seen her. 

“Damn fucking right you did,” Marlene snaps. “You just ditched us, and now you’re trying to come back like nothing happened? Bullshit. You don’t get to do that.” 

“Can I just explain?” Dorcas asks, taking a step towards Marlene. Marlene steps back, finishing her cigarette and putting it next to their pile of other butts. 

“What’s there to explain? You lied to me, you told me we were friends, and then what? You fit in better with the Slytherin Death Eater wannabes and decided I was chopped liver? You know, I always thought you would be different, but maybe I was wrong.” When Marlene finishes her monologue, Mary notices the tears starting to form behind Dorcas’ eyes. Mary stands up too, stepping around textbooks and Sirius’ hair to get next to Marlene. 

“Hey,” She whispers, squeezing her arm. “Let’s go for a walk, yeah?” Marlene snaps her head to face her, and when she realises it’s Mary she nods furiously and then turns away, letting Mary lead her towards another tree. 

“Marlene-” Mary cuts Dorcas off with a shake of her head. “Don’t, Dorcas. Give it a minute, okay?” She doesn’t wait for a response, blocking Marlene’s view of Dorcas as she speaks to her. 

“Marlene, I know she hurt you, she hurt me too, but she’s nearly in tears over there. I think we should give her a chance to explain,” Mary says, reaching out to wipe some of the tears away from her friend’s face. 

“Why?” Marlene snaps. She’s hiding behind anger, but Mary can see the hurt hiding in her eyes, just waiting to come out. “What did she do to deserve the chance to explain?” 

Mary hesitates. “Nothing,” She finally says. Marlene snorts, and it makes Mary laugh a little. “Really, that’s the truth. But that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t get the chance anyway.” 

“I guess,” Marlene says, turning past Mary to look at Dorcas. She’s already looking at them, standing awkwardly still next to their friend group. It looks like they’re all ignoring her, waiting until Marlene makes the call on if she’s a friend or foe. 

Mary motions for her to come over, and Dorcas doesn’t even wait a second before walking to them. She isn’t smiling, but she looks a little relieved. Mary really hopes she knows what she’s getting herself into. 

“I’m going to leave you to it,” Mary smiles, squeezing Marlene’s arm again. “I’ll just be over there if you need me, okay?” She waits until Marlene nods, before smiling a little at Dorcas and then settling back down with her friends. 

“So?” James asks, looking past Mary at Marlene and Dorcas. “What’s happening?” 

“I don’t know,” Mary sighs, collapsing in on herself a little as she sits down. “It’s between Marlene and Dorcas.” 

She looks up and meets Peter’s gaze, and he smiles at her a little. She can’t help but notice how her stomach swoops a little when he nods encouragingly, and she’s pretty sure she’s blushing when she looks back down at her forgotten essay.

***

July 30th, 1974

Dear Mary, 

How are your summer holidays going? Can you believe they’re half over already? I got a letter from Lily the other day, apparently she’s going mental locked in with her sister. I feel bad for her, especially because it sounds like she hasn’t been going out very much. Snape has been going to see her, which she’s excited about. 

Between me and you, that boy is absolute trouble. He’s obsessed with her, I’m pretty sure, and it’s certainly not healthy. When I first met him, and he knew I was friends with you all, he started asking me all kinds of weird questions. I tried telling Lily this, but I think she has a block when it comes to him because she wouldn’t even discuss the stuff I was saying. 

Anyway, I saw Marlene last week. She flooed to my house, and stayed for the weekend. It was nice to see her. I’m so glad I’m friends with you all again, I still can’t believe it took me so long. I really did my best, and I know I said that before. But this time is going to be different. 

Have you seen any of the others? Peter mentioned writing to you a few times, but have you heard from anyone else? I know Sirius doesn’t write much so he’s out, but what about Remus and James? 

James wrote to me the other day, I think he was fishing for information about Snape. Don’t tell Lily, but I did tell him a couple things. Hopefully he’ll get taken down a peg or two this year. He’s starting to look down his nose at us, and I hate it so much.

Write soon! 

Dorcas

***

It takes Mary an embarrassingly long time to find her friends on Platform 9 ¾, and when she finally does find them, it’s because she spots Remus first. He’s easily a head taller than he had been when they all saw each other last, and he clearly has no idea what to do with his added height. 

“Remus,” Mary exclaims, jumping to hug him when she gets close enough. “Sweet Jesus, you grew.” 

“That’s what everyone keeps saying,” Remus laughs, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. “I didn’t think it was that much.” 

Mary raises an eyebrow, and makes a big deal out of showing that she has to physically raise her head to look him in the eyes. “I didn’t have to do that last year,” She points out. 

“What am I, forgotten,” Marlene asks, laughing as she wraps an arm around Mary. 

“Of course not,” Mary rolls her eyes, turning to hug her and Lily. James is standing behind them, and she reaches around to hug him too. “Where’s Sirius and Peter?” 

“Right here,” Peter smiles, coming up behind her. He’d also grown, although definitely not as much as Remus, and when he leans down to hug her she tries not to think about it too much. “Hey Mary.” 

“Hey Peter,” She manages to squeak out. She’d never been nervous before, and Mary can’t stop herself from spiralling, pretty sure all of her feelings are splashed right across her face. 

She wishes she could figure out why, but her palms feel sweaty and she’s pretty sure she’s never felt warmer than she does, even though there’s a chill in the air. She doesn’t realise she’d been staring until she’s broken out of the eye contact with Remus’ voice. 

“Oh, there he is,” Remus gestures to their left, as if she’d be able to see. He can see over most people’s heads now, which would definitely be a plus for them. “He’s with his family, but I’ll wave him over when he’s done.” 

“So, how was your summer?” Peter asks her, pulling her gaze away from Remus. 

“You know about it all already,” Mary laughs. “I sent you a letter every week.” 

“Well, maybe something happened in the last five days that you haven’t had a chance to tell me,” Peter grins. “How am I supposed to know?” 

They’re interrupted by Sirius, having finally managed to extricate himself from his family to follow Remus’ wave. 

“I’m so sorry to interrupt,” Sirius says when he approaches, talking to all of them but looking exclusively at Remus. “I don’t think we’ve met before, who are you and what have you done with my friend?” 

“Oh shut up, Sirius,” Remus waves him off, but Mary doesn’t miss the blush dusting his cheeks. “You already know it’s me.” 

“I don’t know Remus, when the fuck did you get so bloody hot?” Sirius grins, seemingly unaware of Remus’ attempts to make himself smaller and smaller. 

“Right?” James exclaims. “That’s what I said!” 

“You’re both idiots,” Remus rolls his eyes. “Just get on the fucking train.” 

“Yes, sir,” Sirius grins, fake saluting and then leading the way, Peter and James following quickly behind. 

James and Sirius spend the whole way to an empty compartment messing with Remus, fake bowing down to him and just generally making asses of themselves, and Mary walks next to Peter and laughs. When they find somewhere to sit, Remus settles down next to the window, Sirius next to him, and James and Peter sit down across from them. 

Mary sits down next to Peter, smiling a little nervously when he turns to her. She’s only been next to him for a couple minutes, and Mary is pretty sure she’s already halfway to being a simpering buffoon. But, at least she isn’t being serenaded by Sirius’ offkey rendition of a love song she doesn’t recognise like Remus is. 

***

November 1st, 1974

Dear Diary, 

Today was the first quidditch game of the season. I know I used to be pretty on the fence about the sport, but I’ve really started taking an interest in it. All thanks to Peter, I suppose. Don’t tell him that though. 

Anyway, the best thing of it all is that Marlene and Sirius are both on the team now! They’re beaters together, much to their excitement. So, now we’ve got three on the team, since James is of course still a chaser. 

We all went down to watch the game, and even Lily showed up for Marlene. We were worried she wouldn’t show because of James, she’s been more and more annoyed by him recently, but she came anyway. He scored four times, and he blew her kisses and winked at her every time. She hated it, and complained every time. She probably would have left if not for Marlene. 

It was a Ravenclaw game, so Dorcas came to sit with us rather than sitting with the other Slytherins. I don’t think Marlene expected her to show up at all, because a lot of Slytherins didn’t, and she nearly got hit by a bludger when she noticed. She didn’t stop looking at the game after that. 

Sirius is dating a Hufflepuff girl, Moyra Schitt. She’s nice, if not a bit annoying. She watched the game with us, and talked non-stop. Poor Remus was right next to her, and I’m pretty sure he spent the whole thing wanting to hit her over the head with the giant book he brought. Despite it all, he didn’t look at the book once. I’m pretty sure he watched Sirius the whole time. 

Anyway, Moyra. She’s pretty, and I’m not surprised she’s Sirius’ type. He’s the first one of us to get a girlfriend or boyfriend, not that that surprises me either. He’s always been a flirt, and I guess it finally paid off. Remus is pissed, to say the least. He doesn’t like her at all, but he’s being polite for Sirius I think. I’m not even sure what he doesn’t like, the only thing I could guess is that she talks a lot. Overall she’s a really nice girl. 

Tomorrow is the first Hogsmeade weekend of the school year, and Moyra and Sirius are going together. Moyra mentioned something about Madam Puddifoot’s, but I couldn’t really hear what she was talking about over Remus’ annoyed huffing. Peter and I are going together, because I won a bet with him that Remus couldn’t go more than three days without eating chocolate, and he promised me a butterbeer as my prize. 

Okay, I think I need to focus on my schoolwork now, unfortunately. 

Love,
Mary 

—

December 28th, 1974

Dear Mary, 

Happy Christmas! I hope you’re having a good break so far. I’m not sure what your plans are for next week, but my folks said you’re welcome to come visit us if you want. Our fireplace is hooked up to the floo network so you could come by that way, or you could come to the muggle train station nearby and I’ll come meet you. 

Send me back a letter letting me know! And if you can’t come by that’s okay too. 

Talk to you soon,
Peter

p.s. Did you know Sirius and Moyra broke up? I don’t know all the details but Remus just sent me a letter about it. Apparently it happened on Platform 9 ¾. After I left, I guess, considering I missed it. 

1975

—

January 8th, 1974 1975

Dear Diary, 

This is the first time I’m writing 1975 on something, isn’t that crazy? I can’t believe it’s 1975 already, and the fact that I’m 15 now? I don’t think I’m ready for that, if I’m being honest. I guess it’s not like I can go backwards though, so here we are. 

We’ve only been back at school for a couple days, but already things seem so different from how they were at the end of last year. The train ride back up to Hogwarts was a lot of fun in general. 

Remus seemed a lot happier than he had. He was back to his old self, laughing and joking with Sirius, James and Peter. He didn’t even look down at his book once. I’m glad he’s back, I was getting worried about him. He was dead quiet on the train home in December. That might have been because Moyra spent a lot of the trip talking and he couldn’t get a word in edgewise, but even then he seemed quiet in general. 

Dorcas came and sat with us for the ride, and she and Marlene sat together. They’re two peas in a pod at this point, rarely seen without each other. I’ve never seen Marlene look so happy, and I’m so glad she’s got her best friend back. I did notice Dorcas acting a little weird though, like she never looked away from Marlene, even when other people were talking to her. 

And lastly, Peter and I are dating now. We kissed when I went to visit him over the holidays, and then we didn’t really talk for the rest of the break. But yesterday after class, he asked if I would go down to the lake with him and he asked if I wanted to make it official. 

I really like him, Diary. I’m so excited that he likes me too. 

Love,
Mary

***

“Hey Lily, did you bring that pink nail polish with you,” Mary asks as she gets her outfit together for Hogsmeade the next day. “I want to go with Valentine’s Day colours.” 

“Fitting,” Marlene grins from where she’s lying on her bed. “Happy Valentine’s Day, by the way. Is Peter doing something special?” 

“We’re going to Madam Puddifoot’s,” Mary smiles. She’s pretty sure she’s blushing, and she tries to hide it in her hair, but based on Marlene’s looks she isn’t succeeding. 

“Aw, look at you,” Marlene says as she fake sobs. “You’re growing up.” Mary rolls her eyes, taking the nail polish Lily is holding out to her. 

“Want to go down to the common room?” Lily asks, grabbing the rest of her polish and standing up. “I told Remus I would study with him.” 

“Sure,” Marlene says, immediately getting off her bed and heading downstairs. Mary and Lily raise their eyebrows at each other, somewhat confused by her excitement, but just glad she’s in a good mood. 

“Lead the way, I guess,” Lily laughs before following her out, and Mary brings up the rear. The common room is fairly empty, which isn’t all that surprising for a sunny Friday afternoon. 

There are a couple first years in a corner, playing a game of Wizard’s Chess, some members of the quidditch team playing exploding snap in another corner, and Remus and Sirius are smoking next to an open window.

Lily hands Marlene the bag of nail polish, before heading over to Remus and Sirius. 

“Shall we,” Marlene asks, gesturing over to an empty couch and coffee table. Mary nods, and keeps the pink polish clutched in her hand as they walk over. They settle down, and Marlene starts pulling nail files out of the bag. 

“What colour are you going to do,” Mary asks, grabbing a nail file and starting on her right hand. Marlene hesitates, looking through all the colours, before pulling out a red one. “Didn’t you do that one last time?” Mary laughs as Marlene also starts filing her nails. 

“It’s a classic,” Marlene shrugs, moving on from filing to start painting. 

They start painting their nails in companionable silence, listening to the other sounds in the room. James is losing exploding snap, if his very loud swearing is anything to go off of. Remus and Sirius have the record player, and Mary can hear ‘Funny How Love Is’ from Queen II playing softly. 

“Hi Mary,” Peter says, walking around the couch and sitting down next to her on the floor. She leans her face over for a kiss, and he presses his lips to hers, making her smile a bit before pulling away. “Happy Valentine’s Day.” 

“You’ve said that every time you’ve seen me today,” Mary laughs, looking up at him. She’s pretty sure she looks dopey, but she doesn’t really care. It’s Valentine’s Day, she’s allowed. 

“And I’ll keep saying it,” He smiles. “Anyway, I was over with Remus and Sirius but it’s bloody freezing with the window open. Can I sit with you all instead?” 

“Of course, the more the merrier,” Marlene grins at him. She’d already managed to do her left hand, and Mary is amazed as usual at how quick she is. 

“Hey Pete, fancy meeting you here,” Sirius grins as he crashes over the back of the couch to sit next to Marlene. 

“Watch it,” Marlene snaps, pulling away and sitting on the floor to avoid his flailing limbs. 

“Sweet Jesus, Sirius,” Mary says, clutching her chest with her non-painted hand. “Don’t fucking do that.” 

“Hey Sirius,” Peter rolls his eyes with a smile. “I see you’ve pulled yourself away from Remus to grace us with your presence?” 

“Evans went over to do her homework with him, and you won’t even believe it. He made me close the window!” Sirius says all of this while lying down, one arm thrown over his face in mostly mock anguish. “He doesn’t love me anymore.” 

“Or, just a thought,” Marlene says, holding up her hand that had the nail polish wand in it. “It’s bloody cold in here and Lily didn’t want to do her Transfiguration homework in a freezer.”

“What are you doing?” Sirius asks, pulled out of his melodrama to look at the nail polish. 

“Painting our nails,” Mary answers with a laugh. “We do this all the time, don’t say you haven’t noticed.” 

“I’ve never seen you actually do it before,” Sirius shrugs. He pauses for a second, sitting up on the couch properly, and then leans forward. “Could you paint mine too?” 

“Sure,” Marlene smiles. She grabs the bag, being careful not to mess up the coat on her nails that was still drying, and hands it to Sirius. “Pick a colour.” 

Mary watches as Sirius rustles around in the bag, looking between all the colours. She’s pretty sure he has never debated something so intently, and she blows on her fingers as he looks at all the options. 

“This one,” He says, finally pulling out a black bottle. “I want this one.” 

“Good choice,” Mary smiles, taking the bottle with her dry left hand while continuing to blow on the right one. “Come sit down here. Pete, switch spots with him please?”

“Of course,” Peter smiles, leaning over to kiss her before standing and leaning over her to get onto the couch. He sits right behind her, legs on either side of her as Mary leans back. She looks up at him and he leans down to kiss her again. They ignore Marlene’s fake retching and Sirius’ catcalls, Peter flipping them off as Mary laughs.

“Hey, lovebirds? Less snogging more painting please,” Sirius says, waving a hand in front of Mary’s face. 

“Calm down you prat,” Mary rolls her eyes, taking the polish from him and gesturing for him to set his hand on the table. “Now, stay still and don’t bloody touch anything.” 

“Yes ma’am,” Sirius uses the hand not on the table to salute her, and Mary rolls her eyes.

It takes Mary about five minutes to finish his first hand, and when she’s done she nods to him to take it. “Now, blow on that please, and again. Don’t touch anything. Give me your other hand.” 

“Wow,” Sirius says, taking his hand back and holding it up to his face. “This looks great, thank you Mary.” 

“It’s not done yet.” Mary doesn’t look up, too focused on his other hand. “I’ll need to do at least one more coat.” Sirius doesn’t answer, too busy following her instructions, but he nods to show he heard. 

“Let me see,” Peter says. Mary can’t see him, but she can feel him leaning down to see better. He rests his chin on her head, and she can’t help but smile a little bit. She thought it went unnoticed, but based on Marlene’s smirk maybe it didn’t. 

“Here, isn’t it cool?” Sirius says, holding up his hand so Peter can see. 

“Very,” Peter nods. Mary can feel his chin digging into her head when he does it, and she pushes back to make him get off. 

“If you’re going to nod, don’t get me caught in the crossfire,” Mary laughs, leaning forward so she is closer to Sirius’ hand. 

“Sorry sweetheart,” Peter says. She turns around briefly to smile at him, before turning back to Sirius’ nails again. 

“I’m almost done with this hand,” She says, looking up at Sirius for a second before looking back down. “Is that one dry yet?” 

“I think so,” Sirius says. Mary looks up to see him with his hand inches from his face, staring intently at his nails. She can’t help but smile, looking at how careful he’s being to not touch anything. 

“Let me see,” Marlene says, holding out her hand for his. After looking at it, she nods. “Looks good, Mary.” 

“Thanks,” Mary smiles, not looking up from Sirius’ hand.

Mary finishes Sirius’ nails in silence, listening to Peter and Sirius tell Marlene all about some fight they saw between two Slytherins in the hallway earlier, and when she’s done with Sirius’ nails, she finally looks up. 

“You’re all done,” She smiles. Sirius is still blowing on the hand she’d finished before, but he quickly swaps over to the freshly painted one when she speaks. 

“Thanks Mary,” Sirius grins, holding out his hands to look at them. “These look awesome.” 

“I’m glad you like it,” Mary smiles, blushing a bit with the praise. Sirius gets up off the floor, still blowing on the wet nails, and turns around to face Remus and Lily in the window. 

“Oi, Remus,” He calls out, waving with the dry hand. “C’mere a minute.” 

“One second,” Mary hears Remus call out, and Sirius just stands there impatiently waiting for him. 

“Finally,” Sirius huffs. Mary can’t see Remus, but she can hear his light footsteps on the ground and the way Sirius raises his eyeline as he gets closer to keep looking at his face. Her neck is starting to hurt from the weird angle, so she gets up to sit on the coffee table. 

Remus is standing behind the couch, hands resting on the back and leaning forward a bit. Sirius is standing in front of the couch, but he has one knee resting on a cushion helping him stay up. Marlene moves to sit next to her on the table, moving some of the nail polish out of the way. 

“You called?” Remus asks, looking at Sirius with his eyebrows raised. 

“Look,” Sirius says, thrusting his hands into Remus’ face. “Mary painted them, don’t they look cool?” 

Mary can’t see Remus’ face anymore behind Sirius’ hands, but she doesn’t need to see it to hear him swallow. 

“Yeah Sirius,” Remus nods, taking Sirius’ hands in his and moving them slightly away from his face, revealing a slight blush on his cheeks. “They look great.” 

“I know right,” Sirius grins, taking one of his hands back to stare at again. 

“It really suits you,” Remus nods. “You did a great job, Mary.” 

“Thanks,” Mary smiles, looking down at her own half painted nails. “I guess I should finish my own now.” She laughs, moving back down to sit on the ground.

Everyone else disperses, Marlene, Remus, and Sirius back to the window, and Peter over to James, and she hums along to ‘Funny How Love Is’ as she finishes her nails. 

***

May 12th, 1975

Dear Diary, 

I can’t believe the end of the year is almost here. Fourth Year has felt like a lifetime and yet no time at all either. How are we almost at final exams already? I feel like we just got back from the Christmas holidays yesterday, but now the sun is out and we’re spending more time in the library than anything else. 

Well, most of us are at least. Everyone except Sirius. He’s been out with a new girl every week it seems like. He’s barely ever around, aside from class, and even then he’s pretty distant. Remus and Peter are taking it the hardest I think. 

Remus just looks like a kicked puppy all the time, and I think Peter’s feeding off of that a bit. He’s been more distant from me, which has been making me more anxious than I want to admit. I’m sure it’ll be fine, and once our exams are done we’ll go back to normal, but I don’t know. It’s all a bit overwhelming. 

I just realised I promised Marlene I’d help her with her Charms homework, so I’d better go do that now. 

Love,
Mary

—

August 3rd, 1975

Dear Lily, 

I hope your summer is going well. I don’t really know what to say right now. I’m in shock I guess? Peter just left. His mum apparated him here so he could break up with me in person. 

Isn’t that terrible? Then again, maybe it was what I wanted too. I don’t know, I’m just really confused right now I guess. We’re still friends I think, or at least that’s what we both want. I think we just realised we’re very different and better as friends. 

I really hope this doesn’t make it awkward when we go back to school next month. I can’t believe it’s coming so soon, it feels so strange. 

Please tell me you have some good news. Have you heard from anyone? I’ve been shutting myself off a bit, but I meant to send letters to Remus and Marlene, so maybe I should go do that now. I think Peter will tell James, Remus, and Sirius, so I guess I need to tell Dorcas and Marlene before we go back in September. 

Love,
Mary 

***

Mary is alone next to the lake, reading her Transfiguration essay aloud to herself, when a shadow falls over her from behind. 

“Sirius, you’re blocking the sun,” Mary sighs, not looking behind her. It isn’t the first time he’d done that, coming up behind her and being a general nuisance until he finally moved. Marlene says he likes her, but Mary doesn’t believe that for a second. She’s seen the parade of girls, and has no interest in being the next one. 

“As if I’d be that little queer blood traitor.” The voice coming from the person behind her is definitely not Sirius. It isn’t anyone she recognises. The hair on the back of her neck stands up, and she has thin strands of dread clenching her insides and threatening to tear her in half as she looks up from her book and turns around. 

Mulciber, who Mary has only ever really seen on the quidditch pitch, is standing behind her. She scrambles to stand up, and she knows in theory that he’s big and tall but somehow it’s worse when she is faced with him head on. 

He’s Remus’ height and Peter’s build, but that’s where the similarities to any of her friends stop. He’s ugly, and mean, and possibly the most terrifying person she’s ever had the displeasure of speaking to. 

“Sirius isn’t queer,” Mary manages to stumble out, unable to hear very much over her own blood pounding in her ears. Unfortunately, his scoff is loud and clear. 

“Yeah right,” Mulciber sneers. “I’ve seen how he looks at that stupid Lupin boy, they’re a couple of fa-” 

“Don’t talk about my friends like that,” Mary snaps, and then immediately freezes. Mulciber seems to be getting taller, looming over her as she searches for a way out. Unfortunately, they are alone. 

“What did you just say to me, mudblood?” Mulciber hisses. Mary’s blood runs ice cold. She knows that Mulciber is one of the Death Eaters that people keep whispering about. She’d seen some of the Daily Prophet articles about the war. But she’s never seen any of it first hand before. 

Mary wants to scream. She wants to do something other than cower under his glare. She can’t do any of it. She stands there, frozen, as Mulciber pulls his wand out of his pocket and leans back, smirking down at her.

“That’s what I thought,” He says. Mary is pretty sure she’s about to die. There is no one there to save her, and she is going to die alone next to the lake at the hands of this schoolyard bully. “Anything to say for yourself?” 

Mary shakes her head, because what else is she supposed to do? Her wand is on the ground, hidden under her Transfiguration textbook. She can’t fight back, and he has her pinned against the shore of the lake so she can't run. 

“In that case,” Mulciber raises his wand, aims it at her head, and then says, “Imperi-” 

“Expelliarmus,” Someone exclaims next to her, causing Mulciber’s wand to fly out of his hand and into Sirius’. 

“Sirius,” Mary breathes, collapsing down onto the grass. It takes her a second to realise she’s crying, tears falling down her face and onto her skirt as she sits there, head in her lap. 

“And don’t fucking try that again,” Mary can hear Sirius saying above her. She can feel his leg brushing her side, and she can’t help but use it as an anchor, making sure she doesn't float away. 

She hears footsteps receding, and then new ones approaching at a run, and then she’s pulled into a warm embrace that she recognises instantly as Marlene and Lily. 

“Mary,” Lily whispers into her hair, squeezing her so tightly she’s starting to get a bit lightheaded from lack of air. “Mary, are you okay?” 

Mary tries to answer, but she doesn’t have any words. She sobs into Marlene’s hair, squeezing Lily’s arm that she can feel wrapped around her. They’re in an awkward puddle on the ground, but Mary is pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to move even if she wanted to. 

“What happened?” Peter’s breathless voice arrives above her, and Mary can see him standing next to Sirius out of the corner of her eye. 

“Mulciber,” Sirius spits out his name like a curse. “Tried to use the fucking imperious curse on Mary.” 

“Oh Merlin,” Peter gasps. She feels their little pile adjust as Peter and Sirius join them on the ground, and Mary is pretty sure she’d never felt as safe as she does right there in her friends’ arms. 

***

November 1st, 1975

Dear Diary, 

So, it’s been a bit since I’ve written. I keep meaning to, I just… I don’t really want to think about some of the stuff that’s been happening recently. Mum keeps asking me why I’m not writing to her as much, and I just don’t know what to say. How do you explain something like this? 

I still don’t really know where Sirius appeared out of. When I asked he brushed it off, making up some excuse about me being distracting and not noticing him approaching or something, although I can tell he knows I don’t believe it. I guess I don’t really have any room to complain, considering he saved me from God knows what. 

We’ve started tentatively dating. Sirius and I, I mean. I know I said he probably couldn’t be trusted… but I don’t know. Lily was actually the one who said I should go for it, and you know how she is. Her and Peter set us up on a date by the lake, just a bit further down from where it all happened. 

I thought it would be scary being back there, but with Sirius it wasn’t so bad. He makes me feel really safe, Diary. I keep telling myself I should be waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I don’t know. Maybe I should just let myself be pulled in by him. He’s so kind and charming and he lets me paint his nails whatever colour I want. 

I don’t know. I like him a lot.

Love,
Mary 

—

December 20th, 1975

Dear Diary

I’m writing this on the train home for the Christmas holidays. Our compartment is dead silent, I swear you could hear a pin drop in here. I don’t understand how, considering we’re all in here, but it feels like it could be empty and nothing would be different. 

Remember when I said I never wanted to leave Hogwarts? Yeah, that’s changed. I have no idea what happened, but Remus has stopped talking to Sirius altogether. Peter and James have too, but not as much. They speak to him sometimes, whereas Remus? It’s like Sirius doesn’t exist to him. 

I’ve been there for him a lot, because I know he’s been hurting. He never cries around me, but I can see when he has. He tries to be his usual self, but I’ve seen the signs that something is wrong.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t write to him over the holidays because he’ll be with his family, and they don’t like it when he gets mail. I guess I’ll have to wait until the new year to talk to him more. 

Love,
Mary 

1976

—

January 1st, 1976

Dear Mary, 

Happy New Year! I know I said I wouldn’t be able to write to you, but. Surprise! I’m actually with James at the Potter Estate. It’s a long story, but. This is my new permanent address, at least for now. 

I hope you’re having a good holiday. Write to me soon. 

Sirius 

***

“Sirius!” Mary exclaims when she finally catches sight of her boyfriend across the crowded train platform. She’s standing on her tiptoes, holding tightly to Dorcas’ arm to steady herself, as she waves him and James over. 

“Hiya Mary,” Sirius smiled, giving her a massive hug and spinning her around before leaning down for a soft kiss. “You alright?” 

“Better now,” She smiles, leaning into his embrace. 

“What am I, invisible?” James grins as he comes up behind Sirius. Mary rolls her eyes, but reaches out to hug him too. “Nice to see you, Mary.” 

“You too,” Mary laughs before turning back to Sirius. He looks happier than he has in a while. His eyes are shining, he’s actually smiling, and there’s some quality about him that seemed so much more healed than he had before. Mary wonders if it was because he left his family, or if there was something else. Has he finally made up with Remus? 

The last thing she’d heard was from James, in a letter he’d written to her just after Sirius. It had said that Remus was still ignoring Sirius, but that he and Peter had gone over to spend part of the holiday with them. Sirius, in his own letters, had never actually mentioned Remus, just like how Remus’ letters had never mentioned Sirius. 

“Hi Mary.” Lily’s voice comes from behind her, so she turns around to see Lily and Marlene approaching them. 

Mary doesn’t miss how Lily doesn’t look at James, but she does smile just a little bit at Sirius. She’s been doing that since he’d saved Mary from Mulciber, some kind of quiet truce that Mary is eternally grateful for. 

“Should we get onto the train?” Sirius asks, gesturing to where other students are starting to board. 

They all nod, and Sirius and James lead the way onto the train and into an empty compartment. They all load their trunks onto the shelf and then sit down, spread around the room. Sirius opens the window a bit, which lets some of the frigid January air in, but no one says anything as Sirius lit up a cigarette. 

“Pass me one?” Marlene gestures for Sirius to hand her the pack. Sirius rolls his eyes, but hands the pack to Mary, who passes it along. 

“Since when do you buy Embassy cigarettes,” Marlene laughs when she takes the pack from Mary. Sirius blushes, looking away from them and out the window. Mary furrows her eyebrows, looking between Sirius’ clear avoidance of the conversation and James’ shit eating grin. 

“Yeah, Sirius, please enlighten us,” James grins. He and Sirius exchange a look, in which Mary is pretty sure Sirius is trying to burn him alive with a glare, but James clearly wins because Sirius sighs and turns to them. 

“I’ve always smoked Embassy,” Sirius rolls his eyes. He hides whatever’s on his face behind his cigarette, inhaling and then exhaling out the window. 

Marlene snorts. “That wasn’t the question. Since when have you bought Embassy?” Mary doesn’t see Sirius flinch, she feels it. 

“So?” Sirius asks, still not facing the room. The train still hasn’t left the station, and they’re facing onto the platform, so he’s just looking out over the sea of people. 

“You’ve never once bought Embassy before, always Players,” Marlene grins, taking a drag of her cigarette. 

“Well, sometimes people change,” Sirius shrugs, still not looking at them as the platform starts moving and they start their journey to Hogwarts. 

Sirius never looks away from the window once, and Mary has a feeling it has to do with a lack of Remus in the room, rather than James and Marlene’s not-so-subtle teasing.

***

February 29th, 1976

Dear Diary, 

You remember how I told you about Remus forgiving Sirius and how everything was right with the world? Well, that’s still true. Kind of. Sirius now spends all of his free time with Remus. Like, all of it. I’m glad they’re friends again, but I miss my boyfriend. Even when we are together, he’s talking about Remus. 

“Mary, did you know Remus finished his potions homework already?”

“Mary, did you know Remus learned how to do the spell to change cauldrons to badgers already?”

“Mary, did you know Remus got ‘A Night At The Opera’, the Queen album that came out last year, for Christmas and brought it back to school with him?

Sweet Jesus, Diary, I think I know more about Remus than I do myself at this point! I love Remus too, he’s one of my best friends, but I don’t think I should know more about him than I do about me. I don’t get it. I know he likes me, and that hasn’t changed. But he looks at Remus so differently than he does me. It’s like he’s the most important person in the room sometimes, but shouldn’t he feel that way about me? 

So, I’ve decided. I’m going to break up with him. I think I know what I want to say, but I think I need to write it down to practise it a few times, because I’m afraid of messing it up. So, here goes:

I think we need to break up, Sirius. I really care about you, and I would never want to come between you and your friends, but I think I need more than this. Again, I don’t want you to have to choose between us, so I think I’m going to make the choice. Remus is so important to you, and I see how he looks at you too, and I’m so happy for you that you’ve got him back. We can go back to being friends, I don’t want us to stop being friends. 

That sounds okay, right? I can’t tell. 

In other news, we’ve all started preparing for our O.W.L.s recently. Marlene and I have been practising our charms, because that’s what we’re both most worried about. I just cannot get the fire making charm, incendio, right. Embarrassing, considering it’s a first year spell. Luckily, Marlene is an expert at it, and reckons I’ll be one by the time the exam comes around too. 

Love,
Mary 

—

June 4th, 1976

Dear Diary, 

Well, it finally happened. Lily has finally seen how much of a wanker Snape is. The only problem? Now she’s not talking to anyone. I didn’t witness any of it happen, but Moyra Schitt did (Sirius’ ex girlfriend, the talkative Hufflepuff. Do you remember me telling you about her?). Anyway, she told me all about it. 

Long story short, Sirius and James were being, well, Sirius and James, and did something to Snape. Lily got mad, went to his aid, he called her a mudblood, so she got mad at him too. Now she’s ignoring all of us, and I don’t know what to do. 

I know she’s not really mad at Marlene, Dorcas, and I, but it certainly feels like it when she avoids us everywhere outside the dorm. Even inside the dorm she doesn’t really talk. I really hope she takes our apologies to heart. 

I know I said this already, but I don’t know what to do. I’m kinda frustrated because I understand she’s hurt by Sirius and James bullying Snape, but he called her a mudblood and somehow that’s not as bad? I don’t know. It just doesn’t add up to me, but I’m glad she’s finally realising that Snape sucks just as much as his Slytherin Death Eater friends. 

Love,
Mary 

—

July 25th, 1976

Dear Remus, 

Thank you so much for writing to me about this, but I promise you it’s okay. It’s funny, I wrote in my diary what I was going to say to Sirius when we broke up, and I remember reading it back thinking it sounded like I was breaking up with him so you two could date. 

It’s funny how this kind of thing happens right? All this time, you two were meant to be together. I know you don’t believe in that kind of stuff, but trust me, I’m right. 

So, all this to say. JUST FUCKING KISS HIM ALREADY!

Love,
Mary 

p.s., Lily sent me a letter yesterday. She’s not mad anymore, or at least not at you, me and Marlene. I don’t know if she’ll speak to Sirius and James, but at least we’ve got her back a bit. 

—

November 1st, 1976

Dear Diary, 

Well, Lily has finally started recognising that James and Sirius exist again. It was Remus that did it, and I still have no idea how he did, but Lily actually sat down with us in the common room today. Thank God, because the first Hogsmeade weekend is this week, and I really don’t want to have to deal with angry Lily alongside honeymoon–phase Remus and Sirius. 

God they’re annoying. If I thought Sirius’ constant Remus talk was bad when we were together, it’s even worse while they’re together. Don’t get me wrong, they’re adorable. Meant for each other, perfect for each other, etc etc etc. I just wish they’d snog far far far away from me. 

I don’t think they’ve spent a second apart since getting back to school. Honestly, Remus has never looked happier. He smiles more, laughs for longer, and is just generally so different from the Remus I thought I knew. Sirius is alright I guess (jokes, of course, you know I love him) but Remus deserves the world and I definitely think Sirius is going to give it to him. 

But enough about them, let’s talk about someone else. Marlene finally managed to beat Peter at Wizard’s Chess. It only took her, what, 4 years? He was pissed, and it didn’t help that James was cackling the whole fucking time. Marlene ran around the common room singing a song she made up about being the best winner in the whole land, and Sirius did backup vocals. Badly. He really cannot sing. 

In not as fun news, Dorcas has been acting really weird around Marlene recently. I cannot figure out what it is, but it’s making her distant from us again. I’m not really sure what to do. Our group is so full of drama all the time, I wish we could just skip to the happily ever after! 

Shit, I told Remus and Lily I’d go to the library with them. I’d better go. 

Love,
Mary 

***

Mary, Marlene, Lily, and Remus are in the boys’ dorm, doing their Transfiguration homework that Mary had definitely only slightly forgotten about, when there’s a knock on the door. They all look at each other, a little confused. 

“Did we invite someone else?” Marlene finally asks when no one else says anything. 

“I don’t think so,” Lily says, looking at the door sceptically. 

“I’ll get it,” Mary says, getting up and walking over. She opens the door, expecting James, Peter, or Sirius to be on the other side, but it’s none of them. 

“Dorcas,” Lily says, shock lacing her voice. Dorcas is rubbing her hands together, nearly transporting Mary back to the last time she’d shown up unannounced. If Lily and Marlene’s faces are anything to go off of, they’re thinking the same thing. 

“Can I come in,” Dorcas asks, looking around awkwardly. “I don’t think I’m really wanted out here.”

“Not wanted in here either,” Marlene snorts. Mary looks over at her uncomfortably. She wants to let Dorcas in, but just like last time, it isn’t up to her. 

“Marlene…” Dorcas murmurs, looking at her friend. “Please?” 

“Fine,” Marlene sighs, waving her in and lighting another cigarette. “What is it this time? Your Slytherin friends are cooler than us? We don’t get you like them? You want something-“

“I’m in love with you!” Dorcas finally yells. The room goes dead silent, Marlene looking at her in shock as everyone else’s gaze flits between the two. 

“You… you,” Marlene says, apparently at a loss for words for the first time in her life. “You love me?”

“I love you,” Dorcas repeats. She takes a step across the room, and when Marlene doesn't step back she takes another one. “I haven’t been around because I was tired of seeing you flirt with boys all the time, because I know you don’t love me too. At least not the same way. But that’s okay, I just-“

Marlene is across the room before Dorcas can finish her sentence. Mary winces, not sure if she should be expecting her to slap her senseless or kiss her senseless, and then they both go crashing down to the floor as their lips press together. 

“I love you too,” Marlene says, barely breaking their kiss to speak. “I love you too, you fucking idiot.” 

Dorcas laughs into their kiss, sliding her hands into Marlene’s hair. 

“Um, hello?” Remus says, finally interrupting. “We’re standing right here.”

“Oh shut up you hypocrite,” Marlene rolls her eyes, sitting up and leaning against Lily’s bed to look at her friend. “You and Sirius are disgusting.”

“Wait,” Dorcas says, sitting up and leaning against Marlene’s shoulder. “You and Sirius are together?”

“Yeah,” Remus says, smiling a bit. His cheeks are getting pink, and Mary is not the only one who notices. 

“It’s about fucking time,” Dorcas grins. “When did you get together?”

“Over the summer,” Remus shrugs, taking another drag of his cigarette. 

“Wait, I’ve definitely been around you since then. How have I not noticed?” Dorcas asks, holding out a hand in a ‘wait’ gesture.

“Because they don’t act any different,” Marlene snorts. 

“Well, aside from the snogging,” Mary laughs. 

“Shut up,” Remus rolls his eyes. 

Dorcas and Marlene don’t, in fact, shut up, but Remus doesn’t seem to care. Mary can’t help but look around at her friends, so grateful for how far they’ve all come. 

1977

—

January 1st, 1977

Dear Mary, 

First of all, you are not allowed to say I told you so. It’s not allowed, at all. Like AT ALL. But… James and I are together now. We’ve been talking for ages, writing letters to each other and all that. I told him this thing a long time ago, about first footing. It’s a Scottish tradition, one of those silly things that my family always told me about and I secretly love. 

Basically, the idea is that the first person who comes through the front door on New Year's Day will bring luck, especially if they’re tall and dark haired. So, at 12:01 am, who was on my doorstep but James. And he kissed me. It was amazing. (Yes he’s looking over my shoulder right now). 

Okay, it’s James. I would like the record to state that it was, in fact, amazing. Don’t listen to anything Lily says. 

James, stop stealing my letter, go write your own! Anyway Mary, I should probably go. Petunia is glaring daggers at James and it’s time for us to go to Potter Estate. 

See you soon! 

Lily (and James!)

p.s. YOU CAN’T SAY I TOLD YOU SO

***

It’s fucking freezing out, and yet they’re all sitting out on the grass by the lake again. Mary can see her breath every time she exhales, but she doesn’t really care. 

“Moony,” Sirius says from where he’s lying on the grass with his head in Remus’ lap. “Can you pass me another cigarette?” 

“Get it yourself,” Remus answers, not looking away from his debate with Peter over something that Mary isn’t listening to. 

“Do you all hear this?” Sirius asks, not moving anything except his hands, reaching out to try to take Remus’ cigarette instead of getting his own. “My own boyfriend, abandoning me in my time of need.”

“Stop trying to take my fucking cigarette you bastard,” Remus answers without missing a beat, taking a drag of it and blowing the smoke in Sirius’ face. Sirius doesn’t cough, but it definitely looks like he wants to.

“Please Moony? Just give me one?” Mary is pretty sure Sirius is pouting up at Remus, not that she can see it. 

Remus sighs. “Fine.” He reaches out to take the pack from Marlene and lights one for Sirius, putting it directly between his lips. 

Sirius’ thank you is muffled by the cigarette, and Mary looks away from them before she has to witness any more snogging. 

Lily is smiling at James and Peter, a muggle Polaroid camera up to her eye as she snaps their photo. The flash goes off, but Mary is pretty sure neither of them notice, too enraptured by their game of exploding snap to care. 

Lily has been obsessed with the camera since Mary’s parents sent it to her, taking photos so often that they’re all running out of wall space to put them on. She turns the camera on Remus and Sirius next, forever cementing their quiet moment in a photo Mary knows Remus will turn into a wizarding photo when he is pulled out of Sirius induced fog later. 

Mary ignores the camera when it’s pointed at her, turning back into the conversation she’d been having with Marlene and Dorcas instead. 

It’s finally hitting Mary that this might be one of the last times they can all hang out without the pressure of finals weighing down on them, and Mary isn’t about to waste a single second. 

***

April 10th, 1977

Dear Diary, 

Today we learned about amortentia in potions (love potions!). It smells different to everyone based on what attracts them, and boy let me tell you. The couples in my friend group? Every single one of them smelled the other person. 

In another life maybe this makes me feel sad, or alone, or some other negative emotion, but not in this one. I just don’t think I’ve met that person yet. But one day, maybe I will. Only time will tell, I guess. 

We haven’t really been doing much recently, so I don’t even know what to write about! We basically just do our homework, watch quidditch (or play it, if you’re James, Sirius, or Marlene), and sit together out by the lake (still doing homework).

Love,
Mary 

***

The summer sun hits Mary’s cheeks and makes her feel warm as she runs after her friends into the cold ocean. They’re all staying with the Potters, holding onto whatever tiny pieces of summer they have left, and they all have an unspoken agreement not to talk about their impending trip back to school. 

“Sirius Black, don’t you fucking dare,” Remus laughs before Sirius completely bowls him over, making them both fall under the surface of the water 

When they come back up for air, Sirius laughing and Remus spluttering, they’re only up for seconds before Remus is crashing down over Sirius and they both go under again.

Mary sees the flash go off in the corner of her eye and turns to see Lily lowering the camera from in front of her face. 

“Don’t mind me,” Lily smiles, shaking the photo as it develops. “Just capturing the little moments. For posterity.” 

Mary laughs, shaking her head as Lily turns the camera on other people. Peter and Dorcas, talking and laughing with each other a few feet away. James and Marlene, splashing each other and running away while yelling profanities back and forth. 

Lily captures all of it, and Mary knows all of those photos will join the overflowing boxes of them they’d all be dragging back to Hogwarts in a few short weeks. 

***

September 17th, 1977

Dear Mum,

Things are changing at Hogwarts. As people graduate we’re learning about more and more people joining the war effort on both sides. It’s scary, to be honest. 

Frank Longbottom and Alice Fortescue (well, Longbottom now) both joined The Order. That’s our side. Caradoc Dearborn too, Emmeline Vance, a Ravenclaw a year older than us. Benjy Fenwick (he’s a 6th year) has already started talking about joining too. 

As for the Death Eaters, it’ll come as no shock that Mulciber was one of the first of his class to join. Crabbe, Goyle, Malfoy, Black, all names you might recognise from my stories and past letters. 

Not Sirius Black of course. His little brother, Regulus. He joined before he even left school, can you believe it? He’s the youngest person to join either side, as far as I know. 

We’re not really talking about it. Maybe we should, but we’ve been ignoring it I think. Trying to hold onto what little time we have left. 

A lot of the major Death Eater names have left, but unfortunately not Evan Rosier or Barty Crouch Jr. They’re vicious and cruel and Lily and I spend a lot of time avoiding them. 

We’re too scared to walk around alone so James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter have started accompanying us everywhere. They’ve been doing it since the Mulciber incident last year, trying to be discreet about it and failing, but now it’s an official decision we’ve all talked about. 

Snape is one of them too now. Or I guess he always was, he’s just not hiding it anymore. I’m glad Lily had finally taken off her rose coloured glasses and begun to see him for who he really is. 

All of this on top of N.E.W.T. exam prep is nothing short of exhausting. We’re spending 95% of our time in the library, even Sirius and James have started joining us for study sessions. 

I can feel my eyes starting to close so I think it’s time to call it a night. I’ll send this tomorrow, Lily and Remus have letters to send home as well so we’re all going to the Owlery together after class. 

Love,
Mary

—

November 1st, 1977

Dear Diary,

I can’t write out everything I want to, just in case this ends up in the hands of the wrong person. I can’t take any risks, not when it’s not my secret to tell. And let me tell you, it’s a massive secret. 

It’s about Remus, and why he has so many scars. Why he’s ill in the hospital wing so often. Why he gets so angry and tired sometimes. 

He (and James, Sirius, and Peter) sat Marlene, Dorcas, Lily, and I down in their dorm and told us everything. It was a bit of a shock at first, to be honest, but once I had a couple minutes to think about it everything started to add up. 

I’m just glad he felt safe enough to tell us. 

Love,
Mary 

1978

—

January 4th, 1978

Dear Diary, 

I don’t know if I want to go back to Hogwarts. I’ve been hearing more and more about the horrible things going on, from the Daily Prophet and letters from everyone, and I kind of just want to disappear into the shadows and never have to think about it again. But, of course, I won’t do that. I couldn’t do that to any of them, I love them all so much. They’re my best friends. 

Marlene and Lily have been sending me letters. Remus too, and Peter sent me one last week. I wish we could just all have a group conversation, but that isn’t exactly a possibility when you write letters to each other. 

I guess I just don’t know what to do. I miss my friends. I miss Hogwarts. But there’s so much uncertainty now. It’s scary. 

Love,
Mary 

***

Mary is pretty sure she’s never seen her friends looking as serious as they do on that warm May morning. They’re sitting on the grass by the lake, drinking in the sunlight and the last moments of peace at their favourite spot on the grounds, none of them willing to speak first but all knowing they need to. 

“So,” Remus finally says, breaking the silence. He’s staring unblinkingly at the pack of Embassy cigarettes in his right hand, flipping them around in the air and catching them again, a lit one in his left. 

“So,” Peter nods. He’s also smoking, an increasingly rare occurrence for him. He used to smoke just as much as Remus and Sirius, but he’s been easing off as time went on. 

“I guess it’s time to talk about this,” James says, moving his glasses slightly to rub his eyes, before righting them on his face again. 

“I guess so,” Lily nods. None of them actually say anything though, and Mary isn’t about to start that conversation. 

“I’m joining the Order,” Remus finally says, finishing his cigarette and putting it out before setting it on the grass. “Right after we graduate, I’m joining. I’ve already spoken to Dumbledore.” 

Based on the looks on Peter, James, and Sirius’ faces, this is news to them. Sirius reaches out his left hand, seemingly unconsciously, and intertwines his fingers with Remus’. Peter and James reach out too, until the four boys are awkwardly holding hands across everyone. 

“I’m joining too.” The look on Sirius’ face is so sure of his answer it almost makes Mary want to cry. Remus looks like he’s about to object, but Sirius shakes his head. “You don’t get to join and then say I can’t too, Moony. I’m joining, because you’re not going to do this alone.” 

“If you’re joining, so am I,” James says as he nods. Peter does too, nudging Remus’ arm a little with his own. 

“We’re a package deal, you know that,” Peter nods. “I’m joining too, because none of you are doing this alone.” 

“Plus,” James grins. “We can’t let you and Padfoot get all the glory.” 

Remus rolls his eyes, but he laughs as well, and then starts to shake his head, almost like he doesn’t believe what he’s hearing. “You three are bloody idiots.” 

“But we’re your idiots,” Sirius grins. He lets go of Remus and James’ hands, standing up and going to pull the boys into a hug. Realising that they’re about to get left out, Marlene, Lily, and Dorcas all get up and join in too. 

“Well you’re not fucking joining without us,” Marlene says, squeezing Sirius’ shoulders. “We’ll stand by your side too.” 

Dorcas and Lily nod, and then suddenly Mary is alone. Well, not really. She’s never alone, not when she has her friends there. But suddenly they are joining a war. And she doesn’t know if she has that in her. 

“I guess I’m joining too,” Mary finally says, joining their circle and hoping her fear and unease isn’t visible through the brave face she’s putting on. 

***

July 1st, 1978

Dear Lily, 

I wish I could say I’m writing to you with good news, but I’m not. I don’t even know how to start this letter, if I’m being honest. But, you’re my best friend. So I need to tell you, even if it’s killing me to write. 

I’m not joining the Order with you all like we talked about. I know I said I would, but I just… I can’t. I’m leaving the Wizarding World. I am so sorry, more than I can ever explain, but I just can’t do it. 

You’ve always been a better person than me, Lily Evans. You’re the epitome of the Gryffindor house, really. Brave, bold, never flinching in the face of an adversary if it means protecting your friends. You can fight in this war, but I can’t. We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon, but we’re in two different galaxies. 

I need you to know though, this is only goodbye for now. I’m going to do some growing up on my own, and then I’m going to come find you all. Just let me know, okay? 

Love,
Mary 

—

August 28th, 1978

Dear Mary, 

Here’s your August update for you. Petunia met a man named Vernon Dursley. He’s horrid and mean and I don’t know what on earth she sees in him, but James and I met him for dinner with Petunia. We left early, and I don’t think he cared. 

Remus has been gone for a couple weeks now. We’re not really sure where, only that Dumbledore sent him on special orders to go speak to the werewolves. We don’t hear from him when he’s gone, because Dumbledore thinks it’ll make him less trustworthy to the werewolves if it’s obvious he’s friends with wizards. Especially because they’re being scouted by the Death Eaters as well. 

Sirius is a wreck, or at least as much of one as he can be when he’s out on missions himself all the time. He doesn’t really sleep, but then again none of us do. We all live together right now, because we barely spend any time at home to begin with so we may as well be together when we can. 

We all go out on missions constantly, and never with each other. It seems like Dumbledore has a list of people who can and cannot go out together because I swear it’s intentional. I’m paired with Frank Longbottom a lot, which I don’t mind. He’s nice, but I’m sure you remember that from school. 

Sirius is paired with Benjy Fenwick mostly, which I don’t think he minds either. James is paired with Gideon Prewett, and I think he’s happy about that one, if I’m being honest. They get along great. All of this misery is easier if you get along with whoever you’re paired with. As for everyone else, Marlene’s paired with Alice Longbottom, Dorcas is with Fabian Prewett, and Peter is with Emmeline Vance. 

We miss you. Please write to us soon?
Lily

—

September 1st, 1978

Dear Diary, 

Well, it’s eleven o’clock. 224 miles away from me, the Hogwarts Express is heading towards Scotland. I can’t believe I’m not on it. I cried all day yesterday, it almost feels like I’m grieving? I don’t know. I guess I just miss the life I had. 

I got a job. My mum told me about it, working at a pub in Blaenau Ffestiniog. They didn’t ask me about where I went to school, and that was basically the deciding factor for me applying. I can’t exactly put Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry on my resume, can I? It might get a laugh, but I don’t need to look any madder than I already feel. 

Mum sent me a record player in the mail, along with a couple records I used to listen to when I was young. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I don’t really want to listen to music anymore. Even if I did, my music tastes have changed somewhat. I appreciate the gesture, but I worry it’s just going to gather dust. 

I’ve been burning everything. The pictures, the diaries, the letters. I can’t risk any of it falling into the wrong peoples’ hands, not when I’ve done all this work to get a fresh start. And it is one. A fresh start. I hope they’ll forgive me one day, when they realise I’m never coming back. 

Love,
Mary 

—

November 1st, 1978

Dear Mary, 

Remus is back from the werewolves. He was gone all of October, but he just got back late last night. He’s about to go back out though, in just a couple days, to be with them for the full moon on Nov 14th. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been out of touching distance of Sirius since he got back, and I doubt that’ll change anytime soon. I’ve never seen them more dependent on each other, which I know you’ll know says a lot. 

Peter, Dorcas, and I have been playing a lot of Wizard’s Chess when we’re not out on missions. It passes the time, which is all we can really ask for at this point. I’m actually getting better, if you can believe it. Do you remember that first time I beat him? Back in, what. 1976? It seems like so much longer ago and yet also just yesterday. 

Merlin, we really were just kids. We still are, I guess. I don’t know if I really feel all that grown up yet, if I’m being honest? Isn’t that mad? Maybe that’ll change with the years. I guess I’ll have to find out. 

Please respond?
Marlene

1979

***

It’s late at night when Mary hears the familiar tap of an owl at the window. She hasn’t necessarily been expecting it, but it has been a while since the last letter and she has begun to worry. Lying awake at night, the shadows on the ceiling that might have looked less scary in the safety of her Hogwarts dorm certainly look like something out of a horror movie in the dark Welsh countryside. 

“Okay, okay,” Mary mutters when the owl doesn't stop tapping. “I’m coming.” Almost like it understands her, it stops tapping right away. She can see its shadow behind the curtain, and a part of her wonders if she could just ignore it forever. But it taps again, and she finally walks the last couple steps. 

She recognises the parchment right away as being James’, and the handwriting is clearly Lily’s. Lily has been the most frequent writer, although she still gets letters from everyone else every once in a while. Marlene, Peter, and Lily are the most common, but Mary is sure it isn’t from a lack of trying on everyone else’s parts. Then again, even if it is, she would deserve it. 

She takes the letter from the owl, holding her fingers away so it won’t peck her when it realises she has nothing for it, and then it hoots before taking off into the night. She’d noticed early on that it’s never the same owl, and Mary has often wondered where this seemingly endless supply of owls was coming from. 

She rips open the envelope, and unfurls the letter. It has two pages and a photo, which she holds tight in her fingers, covered by the first page, while she reads. 

The date at the top reads January first, and Mary takes a deep breath before starting to read. Dear Mary , the letter starts, in Lily’s achingly familiar writing. Happy Christmas and New Year. We miss you, especially now. The holidays just aren’t the same without you. Mary sucks in a breath, suddenly feeling as if the walls were closing in on her a little bit. She ignores it, and keeps reading. 

We have some news to share. We’re excited about it, like really excited, and hope you will be too. James and I are getting married. Mary’s heart drops out of her chest. Out of all the words she was expecting to hear, those were not any on the list. A part of her wants to break down. Because why is it that her best friends are getting married, and she can’t be there to see it? How is that fair? 

It’s going to be on June 12th, and we would really love it if you came. We’re going to have it at the Potter Estate, with James’ parents. Only the main gang, and of course you’re invited. I know I said this already, but I would love it if you came. We all would. 

There’s more writing, about details of the proposal, how their friends reacted and so many other little things, but Mary doesn’t feel like she’s retaining any of it. She can feel the picture in her hand, and she squeezes it like a lifeline before revealing it. 

Her friends, all seven of them, are standing next to each other. And yet, are they really? Because they look so different. 

Remus’ hair is longer, and he’s slouching a little more. Marlene’s hair is less vibrant, Dorcas’ hair isn’t in its normal braids, James’ glasses look a bit more worn than normal. Lily’s hair is shorter, by quite a bit, and the ends don’t look healthy. Peter’s shirt is a bit too small, clearly something that belongs to someone else. Sirius’ nails aren’t painted anymore, something Mary hasn’t seen since that first day she’d painted them in the common room. 

Suddenly, it feels like Mary’s life is flashing before her eyes. Mirages of what could be and what could have been. What would have happened if she’d stayed? Would she be in that picture? Because even if so much had changed, they still have the same smiles. Marlene, Sirius, Remus, and Peter are still smoking the same cigarettes. The same record player is sitting in the corner of the photo, with the same records on the shelves behind it. 

They look tired, but still happy. Remus has one of Sirius’ hands tightly held in his own, both with cigarettes in their other hands. James has one arm thrown over a smiling Lily and the other around Peter’s shoulders, and Peter is laughing at something Dorcas and Marlene are telling him. Marlene has a cigarette in her mouth and the pack in her left hand, and Mary is pretty sure she could recognise that little Embassy logo anywhere. 

Mary looks away from the photo, down to her own nightstand, where an identical pack of cigarettes stares up at her, next to her lighter and ashtray. She’d vowed to only have one that night, but maybe one more wouldn’t hurt. She sits down on the edge of her bed, placing the photo down on her nightstand carefully before picking up the cigarettes and lighting one. 

She doesn’t bother opening a window, since the smoke detector doesn’t work anyway, and she watches as the tendrils of smoke float up and mix with those shadows on the ceiling before dissipating. Once it’s done, she turns back to the letter. 

She reads the letter once, and then twice, and then once she’s fairly certain she has it committed to memory she reaches out, watching as the little flame from her lighter reduces the letter to ash lying in her fireplace. 

She hides the photo in her closet, way in the back corner with her Gryffindor tie, and hopes that with time she can forget it exists altogether. 

***

June 20th, 1979

Dear Mary, 

Well, it’s official, I’m Lily Evans Potter now. I still can’t believe it, to be honest. I cried the whole way through the ceremony I think, but at least James did too. 

Everyone was there, even Remus, because he got special permission from Dumbledore. Personally, I think he would have shown up either way, and Dumbledore ‘gave him permission’ mostly to save face, but I guess that’s not important. 

Marlene walked me down the aisle, because my parents couldn’t be there. I just don’t think it’s safe for them to be around me right now, so they’re in hiding. Once this is all over I’ll make James recreate the whole thing with me for a laugh. 

One tiny ray of sunshine in these dark times. That’s what I’m saying, at least. We all got to be together for a little bit, even though Remus had to go right back out to the werewolves, Sirius was sent on a stakeout, and Peter went out on some big secret mission he’s not allowed to talk about. 

I’m worried about him, to be honest. He’s away a lot, and when he comes back he’s not himself. He jumps easier, scared by every little noise and shadow. I really hope Dumbledore isn’t putting too much pressure on him, but we both know that’s probably exactly the case. 

I included another photo. I hope you like it, or that you’re seeing it at all. 

We miss you,

Lily 

—

November 1st, 1979

Dear Diary,

I went to Liverpool today with William. I wanted to go to the record store and he offered to give me a lift which I appreciated. I don’t really like taking the train, so I’m glad I could avoid it. 

I managed to find Lodger, the Bowie album that came out in May. I wanted to get it earlier, but I just haven’t had time. Or energy, really. It’s the first album I’ve bought for myself in a long time. Possibly since Hogwarts, if I’m being honest. 

I got a letter from Marlene and Dorcas the other day. I was starting to get a bit worried, since I hadn’t heard from them in a while, but it sounds like they’re doing alright. As well as can be expected, I guess. No changes from the last letter, which I suppose is a win. 

I keep looking at that photo they took, the one at Lily and James’ wedding. God, I still can’t believe they’re married. We always talked about our weddings growing up. I always thought I’d be a bridesmaid. Funny how things turn out different than you planned. 

Love,
Mary 

1980

—

April 12th, 1980

Dear Mary, 

I can’t believe it’s April. The spring flowers are out, and I keep seeing robins everywhere. It’s weird seeing all the beauty in the world, especially when it feels like everywhere I look is a battlefield. 

I know Lily’s told you this already, but we’ve all moved away from each other a bit. James and Lily moved to Godric’s Hollow. They wanted their own space, and to prepare for baby James or baby Lily to get here. I can’t believe she’s due in three months, it feels like just yesterday they told us. 

The rest of us are still in London, trying to stay close to the Order. I don’t want to share a lot of things in a letter, because we’re pretty sure things are being intercepted right now. You Know Who’s followers know things they shouldn’t, and we think it’s because they’re reading our mail. 

I saw Remus the other day. He’s back for a couple days to recover from a mission to the werewolves, and Dumbledore let Sirius stay behind from a mission so he could be with him. I’d say it was nice of him, but I’m convinced he has ulterior motives. 

I’m going out tomorrow on a stakeout with Alice. Dorcas is supposed to be getting back from one tomorrow, so I hope she’s back before I leave. 

I’ll write to you again when my mission is over. 

Marlene

***

Mary holds her bag tight to her chest as she gets onto the train, shifting around people to get to her seat. She had been hoping to get a ride to Liverpool again, but William wasn’t available so she’d booked a last minute train ticket. 

The letter from Lily feels heavy in her bag, even if it’s only paper and a photo. When she finally sits down, she pulls the letter out, just to see the good news again. She’s almost worried if she stops reading it it’ll turn out not to be true. 

It was from Lily, like most of her letters were. It wasn’t that the others didn’t write, but they were out on missions a lot more than she was, and she’d even said in her letters that it made her lonely. Mary couldn’t help but wonder what she’d be doing if she’d stayed. Would she be out on missions with other Order members? Would she be keeping Lily company? 

Dear Mary, the note reads. The ink is blue this time, unlike Lily’s normal black. It’s dated August fifteenth, only four days ago. We’re finally all back together again. Our schedules all lined up, for possibly the first time since James and I’s wedding, and just in time for Peter’s birthday. 

Everyone loved meeting little Harry. I still cannot believe I had a baby during a war, but then I look at him and I just… I think he’s what we need, you know? Something to smile for. Something to fight for. 

Frank and Alice also just had a son, named Neville. He’s only one day older than Harry. I hope they become friends one day, when we’re not all in separate areas of the UK. I wrote to Alice congratulating her, and she wrote back saying that once the war is over we should set up a time for them to meet. 

Mary holds in her tears, not willing to cry on a public train. The photo stares up at her, of a little boy. Harry Potter, August 7th 1980 is written on the bottom corner, in what looks like James’ writing. His little onesie has stars on it, which tells Mary right away that it had been Sirius who’d bought it for him. 

There’s someone’s arm in the corner of the photo, but Mary can’t quite tell who it belongs to. Probably James or Peter, but it’s difficult to tell. Mary doesn’t want to think about the fact that a year ago she never would have struggled to tell whose it was. 

We thought there was someone intercepting our letters, but it turns out there’s a spy. Someone in the Order is actually working for You Know Who, and we have no idea who it is. Dumbledore is nearly frantic. 

Mary lights a cigarette as she keeps reading the letter. Everyone had written something, and Mary rereads it all the way to Llandudno Junction, where she changes trains. The train from there into England goes along the northern Welsh coast, and she looks out the window as the ocean passes her. 

As she finally gets off the train in Liverpool, she tucks the letter and photo carefully back into her bag. She knows the way to the record store by heart, and she starts the ten minute walk quickly, eager to get out of the sun. The bell above the door jingles when she opens it and walks up to the counter. 

“Hi love, you alright?” The man behind the counter asks, smiling down at her. He has greying hair, and a friendly smile as he patiently waits for her to respond.

“Yes, thank you,” Mary smiles. She tucks some of her hair behind her ear, looking around the shop. She knows exactly what she wants, but somehow standing there all of the words she had been practising in her head just fly out the window. It’s like she’d left them on the train somehow, and all that’s left is letters floating around just out of reach. 

“Can I help you find anything?” The man clearly realised she was at a loss for words, and his gentle prodding finally pushes her back into the present. 

“Yes please,” She nods. “I was told the other day that you sell Walkmans here? Is that correct?” 

“We do,” The man smiles. He looks proud of that fact, and Mary is pretty sure that means they might be the only shop around that does. “Would you like to buy one?” 

“Yes please,” Mary nods again. She looks around, eyes passing the records and starting to scan for cassette tapes. “And I’m looking for a couple of specific albums, if you have them?”

“What’s your list?” The man asks, pulling a blue box out from behind him that says WALKMAN in red at the bottom, and Sony Stereo Cassette Player at the top. 

She’d written them all down, sitting at her kitchen table in her empty flat in Wales, and she pulls out the list but doesn’t need to read it. The albums are committed to memory, something that all the years could never take away. She might forget some things, but not this. 

“The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars,” She starts. “The Dark Side of the Moon, Buckingham Nicks, Queen II, Aladdin Sane, and A Night at the Opera.” When she looks up from the paper, the man is already walking around the counter and towards the shelves. 

“Good choices,” He smiles over his shoulder. “You’ve got an excellent music taste.” She smiles, hoping it doesn’t wobble, as she swallows down the bile rising in her throat. 

Thanks, but I can’t take the credit, she wants to say, but she doesn’t. My friends are the ones who introduced me to them. It’s their music, not mine. All she says is the thank you. 

He pulls them off the shelves, handing them to her one by one, before leading her back to the desk. Mary sets them all down, and watches as he inputs all the prices into the cash register. She hands over the cash, and waits as he counts it all carefully, before smiling at her with her change in hand. 

“You’re all set, doll,” He slides her change and items across to her, and she accepts them both, shoving it all into her bag. “Have a good day, now.” 

“You too, thank you,” She manages to say, before heading back onto the street. She has some time before her train home, so she sits down on a bench across the street and pulls out the Walkman. 

Before she knows it, the familiar opening notes of Queen’s ‘Death On Two Legs’ are playing through the headphones over her ears. The entire Night at the Opera album was a Gryffindor staple when Remus brought the record to Hogwarts, and she closes her eyes, leaning her head back and letting the familiar music flow through her. 

She’s trying not to think about it, but a part of her wishes she could go back to those times, when the biggest problems in her life were homework and Sirius charming the record player to play Love Of My Life on repeat. 

She’d much rather be back there than the present, when she has the portable music player that should belong to Remus and Sirius. 

***

November 1st, 1980

Dear Diary, 

I found my Gryffindor tie today. I knew it was somewhere, because I didn’t remember burning it, but I never thought I’d see it again. It was next to that photo they sent me last year, of all of them together, when they told me they were getting married. I know they sent me one from the wedding, but I don’t know where that one’s gone. I haven’t gotten a photo of the whole group since that one, I wonder how much they’ve all changed in the time between then and now. 

I finally got the new Bowie and Queen albums. I got them on vinyl and cassette tapes, just because I could. William said I should pick and get the other one another time, but I decided that wouldn’t work for me and bought them both. I can’t help but wonder what Sirius and Remus’ favourite songs would be if they were listening to these albums. 

Sirius would make Crazy Little Thing Called Love play on repeat, I just know it. I can almost picture him twirling around the common room, serenading Remus as he ignores him in favour of a book. I really wish I could ask them what they think. In another universe I can. In another universe there’s no war, and there’s no heartbreak. In another universe I get to meet Harry, I get to see him grow up. I never have to mourn my friends, who aren’t even dead. 

I spend my days worried, and I spend my nights worried. When I don’t get a letter for a while I lie awake at night, wondering if they’re okay. I always assume the worst. But then they send another letter, and it always reminds me that they’re okay. 

I really want to know who the spy is. Is it a name they say a lot? It must be, right? Because it has to be an active Order member. Sweet Jesus, Diary, I know all the names. I could write you a list, and I’m not even in the Order. These are people I went to school with, I met, I smiled with, studied with, watched Quidditch with. 

I wish I could write to them. I wonder what I’d say. My life is so different now than it was, would they even recognise me? Do I recognise me? I don’t know anymore. 

Love,
Mary 

1981

—

August 3rd, 1981

Dear Diary, 

I just got another letter from Lily. This one… I don’t know. I always say I don’t want them to send the letters, but then I get anxious until I get another one. I almost wish this one was never delivered, because it wasn’t good news. 

Marlene is dead. I don’t know if I can believe it. Surely it’s not true? Marlene McKinnon existed. Past tense. She’s not here anymore. Do I remember what her laugh sounded like? Do I remember her accent? I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I don’t even think I know my own name anymore, and I know that doesn’t make sense, but none of this does. Nothing makes sense. 

Marlene wasn’t supposed to die. That wasn’t the plan. She was supposed to survive, and then… and then what? What was the plan? I think I lost the plan, somewhere in the wreckage. Maybe I burned it. I’ve gotten really good at that. 

There’s a photo too. It’s got everyone, including Dumbledore, Frank and Alice Longbottom, Benjy Fenwick, the Prewett Brothers, and so many others. Marlene is in it. She’s smiling, next to James. She’s smiling. She waves up at me sometimes, and I can almost see her doing it on Platform 9 ¾, as if we’re just saying goodbye for the holidays. 

Wizard photos seem so cool, until Marlene is dead. And now she’s alive, in this bloody photo, but not actually out there? She’ll never wave to me again? She’ll never smile at me again? She’ll never hold Dorcas’ hand again? How am I supposed to live with that? 

Peter went to visit them, the weekend before Harry’s birthday. Apparently he seemed sad, not that I can blame him. Sirius hasn’t been able to go, but he did send a toy broom for Harry. Apparently he loves it, although it doesn’t go very high. Lily says James thinks he’s going to be a Quidditch legend, “just like his father”. 

She didn’t mention Remus or Dorcas, so I’d assume there’s no news. No news is good news, I suppose. Maybe I should remind myself of that the next time I’m staring out the window for a letter that’s going to tell me Marlene died. 

I don’t know. I just don’t know. What do I even say? I have no words anymore, only tears and cigarettes. 

Love,
Mary 

—

November 1st, 1981

Dear Mary, 

The war is over. I’m not sure if you’re getting our letters, but I haven’t seen you on the death lists or heard your name on the radio so I’m assuming - and hoping and praying - that you’re alive. 

The war is over. I just realised I said that already. I’m not sure what all Lily and the others told you over the last little bit. I’ve been away a lot on missions for Dumbledore, trying to make sure the werewolves stay on our side. 

We’ve known there was a spy in the Order for quite a while, at least a year. I just never thought… I had my suspicions. We all did, I mean. How could you not? But I never really thought it would be true. I guess maybe I didn’t know him at all. Sirius was the spy. It’s been 24 hours since I found out and I don’t know how I’m supposed to go on. 

I guess I should start at the beginning. Just in case, because I don’t know what you’ve been told. Everyone started dying. We’ve lost so many friends over the last ten months. Benjy Fenwick, the Prewett twins, Edgar Bones and his family. 

Marlene and Dorcas. They died exactly three months apart, can you believe it? They killed Marlene’s whole family, and I heard somewhere that He Who Must Not Be Named killed Dorcas himself. I was away so much that stuff is already getting fuzzy. Do you remember what Marlene’s voice sounds like? Or sounded like, I suppose. I don’t think I remember either of their laughs. 

James and Lily. They died to protect Harry, who did survive. They say the killing curse rebounded and killed He Who Must Not Be Named instead. James was unflinchingly loyal, and Lily… You knew them both. They were two of the best people we know. Knew. You know what I mean. 

I found that picture you drew. I went to Peter’s house when I found out about everyone. Peter died too. And do you want to know the punchline of the joke that has become my life? Sirius himself killed him. Along with twelve muggles, he blew up the whole street. We can’t even find Peter’s body, all that they’ve managed to find so far is one finger. 

Anyway, I went to his house. I couldn’t face James and Lily’s, not when there was a chance I would see some remnants of Peter or James and Lily… So I went to Peter’s. He had that picture you drew in a drawer in his kitchen. I recognized it immediately, and wow Mary. You’re so talented, did you know that? 

I wish I had more pictures. I wish I had more videos or something, I don’t know. It’s been three years, and I barely remember your smile. I don’t remember what your voice sounds like. Except for how you said ‘Sweet Jesus’, because I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. I don’t remember the last time any of us laughed, so it’s not surprising I’ve forgotten how they all sound. To be honest, I don’t even know if I remember how to laugh. I remember how to cry though. Apparently that’s all I do. 

I’ve suspected Sirius for months. At the time I thought he suspected me too, but it turns out he, and we just grew further and further and further apart… I just wish I could have seen this coming. Is it bad that I still love him? After everything, I still love him. He’s my best friend. 

We all said we’d be friends forever, that we’d always survive for each other, but clearly that wasn’t really the case. I vowed not to cry anymore if we survived the war. But we didn’t survive, so I guess that means I don’t have to take that vow. Because maybe I did survive, but not really. Only on paper. My name isn’t on the death lists, but it may as well be. 

Marlene, Dorcas, Lily, James, and Peter. All of them are dead. I wish I was with them, I think. I wish I didn’t have to exist with this. Sirius is in Azkaban, or at least he will be soon. What happens when the world keeps spinning and they’re not with me? What happens when I wake up tomorrow and have to remember they’ve left me behind? What happens when I really forget them? 

I know you don’t have the answers. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to turn all of these questions on you. I guess I’m just not sure if you’re reading this. I guess I’m just writing this to put it out of my head. Not that that’ll work, because I’ll be asking myself this forever. 

So, I think that’s everything. Mary, I know you said you would come back when it was over. We won the war, even just barely, and I need you. I thought it was just goodbye for now, was I wrong? You said you were going to come find us. 

Mary, we’re the only two left. Everyone else is gone. It’s just us, and I really need you. If you need me too, even just a little bit, please come back. I’ll still see it until I die, I guess. They’re the losses of my life. Please don’t be a loss too. 

Yours,
Moony 

***

Mary looks up from the letter, accidentally crumpling it in her fingers a little as she does, squeezing her eyes shut. The cigarette in her fingers feels heavy when she looks at the cigarette burn on the paper, down at the bottom next to his signature in a way that Mary is pretty sure was an accident. 

She’d known about some of it, of course, but not all of it. Not Dorcas. Not James and Lily. Peter. Sirius. 

God, Sirius. What had gone wrong? She could picture her friends in her head as if it was yesterday, even if they’re fuzzier now than they used to be. What had happened to the boy she knew, the one who loved Remus so loudly, his friends so proudly. He never would have done that. 

A part of Mary is convinced it isn’t true. It’s all a lie, something spun so far out of control that Remus couldn’t even fathom it. But there it is, in black ink, staring up at her. She’d always known she’d never go back to the wizarding world, but this is the final straw. The last reminder that whatever life she’d known, once upon a time, would never come back. 

She stands from her kitchen table, crumpling the letter a bit more as she walks over to her bedroom. She’s slow, and a part of her feels like she’s in a daze, as she steps to her closet and searches through it for every piece of her past she can find. 

There’s so little of it left, but there’s some. Her Gryffindor tie. A couple letters from the last few months. Photos of the group, baby Harry, the Order. Her diaries. Most of them are gone already, lost in ash years ago, but the ones from the last three years still exist, lined up nicely next to each other on her closet shelf. Her wand, lying in the box she bought it in, in the very back corner. 

She grabs it all, holding it with two hands, retracing her steps back into the kitchen and then through to the living room. There’s already a fire, the November chill permeates easily through the thin walls of her flat, and she kneels down in front of it. The fire crackles, mixing with David Bowie’s voice, and Mary sits there for a moment, listening to the last David Bowie album Sirius could have ever listened to. 

Mary takes her wand out of the box. She hasn’t held it in her hands since she left school, and she squeezes it, the familiar feel and weight grounding her to the present more than anything else. 

“Incendio,” She whispers, watching the magical flames light her tie, the red and gold of the fabric battling with the colours of the flames until it gets too hot and she finally drops it into the fireplace. The fabric melts, sinking in on itself, and she collapses down onto the ground, nearly imitating it. 

She picks up her diaries next, ruffling through the pages of nearly four years of her life. “Incendio,” She whispers again. She knows the magical fire will burn faster, lighting up her life in smoke quicker than the muggle fire she’d lit earlier. As the pages catch, flames licking up the cover, over the spine, and closer to her fingers, she drops the first diary in, doing the same for the rest of them. 

Finally, the photos and letters. She can feel the tears falling down her face, leaving tracks that she can’t clean up fast enough on her cheeks and dripping off her chin onto everything in her lap. A tear splashes against a smiling Marlene, blurring a waving James. Another tear splashes over Peter, slowly trickling down onto the next photo, on the arm she doesn’t recognise behind Harry. 

They keep falling, and Mary can’t stop the sobs that are pulled out of her as she finally throws them into the flames, turning away so she doesn’t have to watch them burn. Their words, their smiles, all those years of laughter and memories, all gone, reduced to ash. 

She sits there, sobbing into her lap, as the crescent moon appears through the window, casting its light into her mostly dark room. The kitchen light is on, but it’s far enough away that it doesn’t really glow, so all she can see by is the moon, the stars, and the fire. 

She stands, turning to the window. The sky is clear, not a cloud in sight, which seems unfair. Why isn’t the sky crying with her? Shouldn’t it know? She grips her wand in her hand, squeezing her eyes closed. 

Forgive me Remus, please know that I tried, she thinks to herself as she opens her eyes, raising her wand to her own head. 

“Obliviate,” She whispers, words disappearing into the dark.