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Steve walked up to the nurse’s front desk and stood with his hands in his pockets waiting for his escort back to the resident’s wing.
He walked to a front window and looked out at the rain falling, watching a puddle and its ripples as the drops hit. He sighed and felt in his pocket the reason he came to visit Peggy and it helped ease his mind.
A nurse came up behind him and stood with a clipboard, her face solemn. “Mr. Rogers, Peggy is awake, I’ll take you to see her now.”
They walked down the hall, the nurse filling him in on some warnings before his visit.
“She’s very tired and her memory is slipping faster now so don’t be alarmed if she restarts the conversation as though she’s first seeing you again, she’s having a hard time breathing so she’s prone to coughing fits.”
“I understand, thank you.”
“I’m glad her family was able to contact you.”
He nodded as they reached Peggy’s room and he knocked softly before opening the door.
“I’m very sorry.” The nurse said before she walked away.
He walked in the room and looked at how frail Peggy had become since he last saw her.
He put on his best smile and walked over to her.
“Hey Peg. How’s my best girl?”
“Oh please. You already have a best girl.” She chuckled and then began to cough.
“You’re right.” He said, pulling up a chair next to her bed and sitting, watching her carefully.
“How is she? Putting up with your brooding still?”
“Yes, she’s fine. She reminds me of you, putting me in my place. She’s smart, funny, tough and—“
“Loves you.” Peggy interrupted, reaching for his hand.
“Yeah Peg, she does. She’s my world.” He took her hand and was taken back by how small, thin and cool it was. Peggy noticed his glance.
“Steve, I’m dying.” She told him matter of factly. She looked up at him as he looked over at her quickly and he felt his heart sinking. He knew it was happening but to hear Peggy say it broke his heart.
He felt his eyes prickle with tears and he blinked hard. He cleared his throat.
“Peg I have to talk to you about something. You and I never got to have our dance, but—“
“You want to marry her.” She said with a smile. “I’ve seen that same look on another man once before.”
“I do. I love her Peg, but something in me needed to see you to explain myself. I feel like if I had stayed with you, we could have had a life together. You were the partner I was waiting for. But I was so lonely when I was brought out of the ice, and then I met her and she’s…everything.”
“Are you asking for my permission, Steve Rogers?” Peggy’s eyes searched his, her own tears forming.
“I don’t know what I’m doing Peggy. I don’t know if I want your blessing or for you to just be happy for me. I just felt like I owed you an explanation.”
“You don’t owe me anything. Our time has passed and I’ve made my peace with it. I want you to be happy and loved. You owe yourself that much to have your partner you’ve been longing for without any guilt. I know you would have been so happy for me when I married and now I want you to experience marriage and children.
She started to cough and Steve stood up to assist her.
She looked up at him after she calmed down. Her face lit up and she gave him a large smile.
“Hello Steve.” She said, “I’m glad you could come by.”
“Hi Peggy.” He said as he fought to hide his sad smile, his voice wavering as he remembered the nurses warning about Peggy’s memory.
“How’s your best girl.” She asked with a smile.
“She’s great Peg, she says to say hello.”
“Such a sweet girl.”
“Oh she’s something else. She reminds me of you, strong and smart.”
He stopped for a minute and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small ring box. He opened it and held it out to Peg to hold.
“Peg, I want to ask her to marry me.”
“Oh Steve, it’s beautiful. She’ll love it.”
“I hope so.” He took the ring box back and leaned forward as he put it in his pocket. Peggy took a breath and gasped, starting to cough. He hurried to her to help ease her up comfortably.
“Steve. I’m dying.” Peggy said, unaware that she had already told him. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, hating the words he second time he heard it.
“Don’t say that Peggy.” He looked at her through blurred vision of his tears forming and looked up to see her comforting expression.
“It’s true. I’m ready to go and be with my love. I want you to go to your love. We had our chance and it wasn’t our time.
Steve eased her back on the pillows and sat back in his seat.
“I know, it was my fault.”
“No.” Peggy began to cough again. She held her tissue to her mouth as the coughing fit passed.
“No, it’s not your fault.”
“We could have had a chance together.”
“We were together, and for the time it was, I will always cherish it.” She held the tissue to her mouth again. “You have to go on now and be happy. I loved you after I thought you were gone, even when I loved another man. I never forgot you. It’s your turn to go be happy now.”
She began to cough again, harder, her lungs wheezing. Steve rushing to the door to call a nurse when the door opened.
“Okay Peggy, it’s alright, slow breaths now.” The nurse said gently, rushing to her and easing her up.
She looked at Steve, “I think it’s best if you call the visit short.” She gave Steve a sad smile and Steve nodded.
Peggy relaxed after a few minutes and looked up to see Steve standing next to her.
“Steve. How are you?”
Steve bent his head and kissed her forehead.
“I’m just fine Peggy. Just here to see my girl.”
A couple weeks later Steve was sitting at his desk at work and his cell phone went off.
“Rogers.” He listened to the caller and then his fingers gripped the phone harder. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“Okay, thank you for telling me. I’m so sorry. Yes, she really was. Please let me know if I can be any assistance. Okay.”
He disconnected and put the phone down sitting for a minute, his eyes unseeing as he stared at the wall, listening to the wall clock tick.
Steve walked into the living area, finding Pepper and Tony laughing and playing with their tablets on he sofa, “Hey there he is, maybe he’d know! Capsicle, what does it mean when you dream of Jarvis and he’s a large bear swimming in a pool of fifty dollar bills?”
“Where’s Jo.” Steve asked flatly, looking around the room for her.
“I don’t know, the gym maybe or errands.”
“Do you know or not?” Steve asked angrily, his voice cracking.
“I don’t know. Sorry.”
“Steve are you alright?” Pepper asked, looking over at him, concerned by his outburst.
Steve ignored them both and walked off.
“What’s with him?” He asked Pepper. She shrugged as she watched him leave.
He was on his fourth punching bag. Sweat poured off of him, hair out of place over his forehead. He was thinking back to when he met Peggy, his frame smaller than hers yet she looked at him like nobody else was in the room. He remembered how she listened to him and gave him the time of day when nobody else did. When Bucky had died, she was there to help comfort him.
He remembered their kiss before he boarded the plane to stop Red Skull and Hydra.
His knuckles became bloody and bruised as he pounded on the bag harder, hoping the pain in his hands could help ease his heartbreak. He gave a few more punches and then an angry shout as he slammed into it hard enough to shatter the bag, sending it flying across the room to join the others in the pile of sand and fabric.
“Steve?” He heard a small voice and ignored it as he caught his breath, staring at the mess across the room.
“Steve, what’s wrong?” The voice was closer and more urgent and he turned suddenly, his eyes wild and red from holding back tears. He felt a hand on his arm and he focused. Jo stood in front of him, her expression worried.
“Sweetie, what happened.” She frowned in confusion as she studied his face, “You’re scaring me.”
He shook his head and went to pick up another punching bag and set it up standing there for a minute quietly.
“Do you want me to go?” She waited a minute and then turned to leave him and he spoke, his voice cracking.
“Don’t leave.” He said softly, his voice wavered and she was his side quickly, hearing his despair.
“What happened? Talk to me.” She asked again and he shook his head.
He set up another bag and then stood in front of it for a few moments before his shoulders eventually slumped, his voice almost a whisper.
“Peggy’s gone.”
“Oh no. I’m so sorry, honey.” She stood and watched him look at his hands before rubbing the sore spots roughly as if to focus on that rather than his broken heart.
“When?”
“Last night.”
“Oh Steve.” She said sympathetically.
He let go and walked to a bench, sitting down and running his hand through his hair. Jo followed him over and sat next to him.
“I know she meant a lot to you.”
He sat still not speaking.
“Don’t leave.” Steve eventually said, looking up at Jo, his eyes watering. His voice broke as he spoke.
“I’m not going anywhere.” She said to him, running her hand along his back.
He leaned down, his elbows on his thighs and put his head in his hands. A few moments later his shoulders shook as the floodgates opened and he began to cry.
He felt her pull him over toward her and hold him, rocking softly and crooning gentle words to him. He thought about Peggy who had believed in him when he doubted himself, who challenged him, and helped him learn love for the first time. They had a chance together but that time was over and she moved on, which he would have wanted for her. He would never have wanted her to pine away from him sadly the rest of her life, like he almost did before Jo came along.
After a few minutes, he relaxed and let Jo hold him as he collected himself. He thought of Jo now, who he wanted to spend his life with, and start a family with. She supported him, challenged him much like Peggy did, even fought for him. He was damn sure she was the one when she stood up to Director Fury in the past without batting an eye.
He sat up and wiped his eyes.
“I love you.” He turned to her, his heart broke as he started to let go of Peggy more, but at the same time he felt a new happiness and love when he looked at Jo. He reached for her hand.
“I love you too.” She stroked his cheek gently, “Are you alright?”
He smiled sadly at her and squeezed her hand. “I am with you.”