Work Text:
This was going to be the hardest thing Dhurke would ever have to do, somehow. He could feel a practically unbearable knot in his stomach as he willed himself to walk into his son’s room, planning out what to say in his head. He didn’t want to do this, hell, he didn’t have to do this. He could let Apollo stay here. They could keep on living, just like this. Him and Nahyuta and Apollo and sometimes Datz, although him staying had become more frequent, not that that was a bad thing. Dhurke enjoyed the company. They could make it like this, just them, they had made it this far, everything would be fine.
And then, he thought of Amara. Of the fire. Of the jail cells, wanted posters and bounties given for their heads. The constant threat of execution looming over them. He ran a hand over his face, feeling the lifted skin from fresh and old scars under his fingertips. This was no way for a child to live. Apollo couldn’t live like this. None of them could. But Apollo could find family in America. A better family than the one he had now, seeing as all the terrible things that could happen to Apollo would be his own stand in father’s fault. Dhurke thought about who he was doing this for. His son. He slowly stepped into Apollos room and gently tapped his knuckles on the door frame.
”Hey ‘pollo. You busy”
The nine year old seemed to be focused on doing…something, seemingly attempting to put on one of his sandals while half heartedly make his bed, hopping around on one foot while flailing one arm behind him, and throwing his blankets on his mattress with the other. Dhurke couldn’t help but giggle.
Apollo was caught off guard by the arrival of his foster father, and upon hearing his voice, clumsily stumbled backwards before regaining balance and turning to face the voice, acting as if he had been doing something completely normal.
”Oh! Hey Dhurke! What’s up!”
He smiled from ear to ear as he finally managed to get his sandal on his foot, looking up at Dhurke intently.
This was going to be awful.
“There’s just…something I need to talk to you about.”
Apollos smile immediately fell as he noticed how serious Dhurke was.
”Oh, alright. Is…everything okay? Where are Nahyuta and Datz?”
”Outside. They’re alright, I promise. You can go see them soon.”
Dhurke noticed Apollo let out a small sigh of relief as he sat on his bed, legs still dangling off the side of the bed frame. His face still looked nervous as Dhurke lowered himself down to the floor in front of Apollo’s bed, still thinking about how to actually have this conversation.
”There’s just…there’s something I think we should talk about. Do you remember how I told you about how your mother and your father were from America before they came here?”
”Mhm. I’ve heard a bit about it. America, I mean. It seems scary over there.”
Apollo gently ran his hand over the metal of the bracelet he had worn since he was a baby, just has he always did when he was nervous. His eyes were trained on Dhurke, seemingly waiting for him to continue talking.
“Ha, well, I guess it is quite different from here.”
He took a pause and a deep breath before continuing. He needed to get to the point, as much as he didn’t want to.
”Apollo, you know that it’s not exactly…safe here for us.”
”Yeah, that’s why you and Datz come home all bloody all the time, and why me and Yuta can’t go to school, right?”
He silently cursed himself for letting the kids see him all beaten, picturing a recent event where he had come home with his face lashed so deeply it left blood trails all over the floor. No child should have to see that. Apollo and Nahyuta hadn’t been enrolled in school, they simply couldn’t be. It would cause them too much harm. Everyone knew who Nahyuta’s father was, and with the whole village assuming Dhurke had kidnapped his own son, he couldn’t let people find him. He practically had to hide the kids away from any eyes other than his own and members of the rebel group that had steadily started to gain followers. As for Apollo, everyone simply thought he had perished in the fire, along with his father. Just like his mother had. Forcing his children to live such secluded lives was the last thing Dhurke wanted to do, but he had no other choice. He would do anything to keep them safe.
”Yes, exactly. Apollo…we…we thought it might be safer for you to move to America. Not forever, just for a while. Until all this blows over.”
This seemed to catch Apollo off guard, snapping his attention away from the bangle on his wrist. His eyes widened just a little as he stared at Dhurke with those big eyes.
”Wait…what? I mean…sure, I really like it here and stuff…but whatever will keep you guys safe! I don’t know what Yuta is gonna think about moving, though. He loves it here. Im sure he’d agree. Where are we moving to? Is it one of those big cities with the really tall buildings and all the lights? I’ve seen those in books before, they look really scary. I don’t think I wanna move into one of those really tall sky-something buildings. How do they not fall over when the wind is really strong? Oh, oh! Can we go to one of those big mall places?”
He continued to ramble on about how different it would be, about all the places he wanted to go, all the things he wanted to see. Together. With the rest of them. As a family. He giggled to himself as he talked about all the fast cars and the busy streets he had seen on tv. He was somehow still so innocent. So pure. His smile could make a heart melt, and his laugh was so sweet that anyone near it couldn’t help but laugh too. He had been through so much, and here he was, still a little shining light. Dhurke felt like throwing up. He felt like crying and apologizing and holding his child tight and never letting go. He felt a mass in his throat and a burning in his eyes as Apollo continued to enthusiastically detail all his aspirations and fears, practically to himself at this point. How could Dhurke do this to him. He swallowed the lump in his throat and took a deep breath before continuing, willing himself not to cry in front of his son.
”Apollo…I’m glad you’re excited, but…it might not be all of us.”
”…oh. Really? I don’t know about going anymore, then. I want to go with all of you. Who can’t come?”
”Well, maybe it would be better…if it was just you, Apollo. You can find your family, and surely live a better life than you would here. The rest of us…we have things to do here, ‘pollo. I promise it won’t be forever. It will probably only be for a few months, if you want to come back, that is.”
Apollos face fell. He reeled back a bit, his wide eyes riddled with confusion. He stared at the floor for a moment. Seeming to be processing everything. When he spoke, his voice cut with anger and disbelief, somehow still so powerful while still hiding his face from Dhurke’s view.
”No. I’m not going. I’m not leaving.”
”Apollo, please. I know this sounds bad, but-“
”No! I’m not going. You can’t make me go!”
He looked up now, his voice cracking and shaky from anger. His eyes were rimming with tears, and his eyebrows were all scrunched up. Dhurke could see the boys lower lip tremble as his breathing got faster and less stable. His voice was always so loud, but it was even more so when he was angry. His voice was still high pitched, making his yells almost sound like screeches. His voice cut through the air, and even more tears started to well up in his eyes as he stared almost expectantly at Dhurke, waiting for him to say something. Dhurke couldn’t think of a single thing to say. His son was so mad, so upset, so hurt, and he had caused all of it. All he could think to do was apologize. Tears started to fall from Apollos eyes, and his breathing became even more rushed as he slouched down and began crying into his hands, taking shallow breaths between each sob, making his shoulders shake with the motion. Dhurke reached out and put both his hands on the boys shoulders, using his thumbs to run soothing lines near his collar bone, attempting to do anything he could to calm Apollo down.
”Apollo, I’m so sorry. I promise I don’t want to do this. I want to keep you safe. I want you to be happy.”
Nothing he was saying seemed to help Apollo, his sniffling and whining becoming even louder. He slowly lifted his head from his hands, barely even looking at Dhurke, asked a simple question through sobs and quick breaths.
”I…is it because…is it because you hate me?”
That seemed to be all the boy could muster up, as he began to wail again, tears streaming down his still baby looking cheeks. He still looked like a so young in some ways. He was just about nine years old, but his face still looked like he was five. His eyes were big and brown, and his nose seemed so small and button like compared to the rest of his face. His cheeks were still growing into their baby fat, and he was still quite short, even for a nine year old. He was still a baby, in Dhurkes eyes. Snot dribbled from his nose and tears had covered his whole face, some still falling from his red puffy eyes. It took Dhurke a minute to really register what the question was, too busy focusing on how young his child looked. He was taken aback by the question when he realized how terrible it really was.
“What? Apollo, no. Of course not. I don’t hate you, none of us do. We would never hate you.”
He took a deep breath and placed a hand on Apollos damp cheek, attempting to wipe away some of the tears and snot from his face.
”Apollo, look at me. I love you more than anything. All I want is for you to be happy and safe, and I don’t know how easy that will be if you stay here. If I could, I would come with you. Apollo, if I could, I’d stop the whole revolution right now just so that you and Nahyuta could live a happy life. You have so much life ahead of you, Apollo. So much potential that you just can’t use if you stay here. I can’t risk you getting hurt. I don’t know what I would do with myself if that happened. I’ll be there as soon as I can, no matter what. I promise. It won’t be long, a few months at most, and all of us back here will be waiting for you to come home. You’ll be okay, Apollo. I just know it. I’m…I’m so sorry, Apollo.”
His voice caught as he was ending his little rant. He felt the all too familiar burn in his eyes and lump in his throat. He bit down on his bottom lip hard to not let out a pathetic sob. He reached forward and wrapped his arms around his son, still sniffling and wiping his face. Apollo buried his face into Dhurke’s neck, muffled cries still coming from him as he hugged back, grabbing fistfuls of Dhurke’s shirt. They stayed like that for a while, Dhurke holding Apollo so tight he was afraid he might hurt him, but he didn’t dare let him go. He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed circles into Apollos back until the boys breathing finally seemed to slow, and he loosened his grip, just a little. Dhurke gently let go of his son, returning back to their position from earlier. The room was still silent, Apollo still staring at the floor with puffy eyes. Dhurke cleared his throat before speaking.
”You’ll be moving there in about three weeks. There’s a nice family that’s agreed to be your foster family for a while, so you’ll go live with them in California. Does that sound alright?”
Apollo gave nothing but a small nod in response to the question, not breaking his eye contact with the floor. The room got horrifically silent once again. Dhurke reached up and ruffled the boys short brown hair.
”Alright then. Go play outside with your brother. I have some work to get done, and then I’ll get Datz to make us something to eat. I’m sorry kiddo.”
The still red eyed child gave another nod and hopped off his bed, walking out the door without another word. Dhurke simply sat there for a minute, crouched in front of his son’s bed, barely moving. He felt…empty. Like his heart had just walked out the door with Apollo. Maybe they were the same thing.
It had been approximately three months since that awful conversation. The attempt made to go back to normal, to act like everything was fine after Dhurke broke the news was useless. Nahyuta had not taken the news well. In fact, he probably took it worse than Apollo, going so far as refusing to talk to Dhurke in the days after he found out. Apollos reaction was quite the opposite, clinging to Dhurke every second he could. Hugging him constantly, stumbling into his room in the middle of the night talking about nightmares and pleading to stay with Dhurke for the night, asking for more stories and standing as close to him as possible, no matter what Dhurke was doing. Usually Dhurke would tell him to try and be more independent, and that he couldn’t have his father hold his hand forever, but now that was the only thing he wanted to do. He spent as much time as he possibly could with Apollo, shoving off some of his work just to make the most out of their fleeting time together. Dhurke tried to not think of it that way, he wouldn’t be gone for forever. It would probably only be a few months…but he didn’t really know. Even leaving Apollo for that long made his heart sink. Nahyuta had gladly not sworn off his father forever, talking to him again, but Dhurke could still recognize the coldness in his tone and the sadness in his eyes that had only gotten worse as this day approached. He had ruined his relationships with both of his most valued things in life, he had made the two things he loved most hate him.
Apollo was leaving today. The air in the once loud and comforting house was silent and stale as Apollo packed the rest of his belongings into the bags he would be bringing. The plan was that a few trusted members of the rebel group would come by the safe house and escort Apollo to the airport safely, where he would be met by his new foster family and be taken to America. Every person in that house was on edge, pacing around the house, praying that they wouldn’t come to take Apollo away. Waiting for the rebels to arrive felt like hell. They all helped Apollo pack, attempting to lighten the mood just a little by telling stories and making jokes, by reassuring the young boy that he wasn’t alone, and that they were going to come back to get him. None of it really worked. Dhurke felt like his heart had not stopped pounding in his chest since he woke up this morning, feeling so anxious it was almost unbearable. He was rapidly pacing around the house, rambling on and on to himself, doing whatever he could not to break down into tears at any given moment.
The sound of knocking on the door didn’t make him feel any better.
He slowly walked up to the door and opened it, greeting his fellow revolutionaries and trying to put on his best brave face. He called for Apollo who slowly dragged himself to the door, carrying a backpack and a large suitcase behind him. Nahyuta and Datz followed behind him. Apollo and Nahyuta’s eyes were puffy, and Dhurke knew that the two of them had been crying, saying fleeting goodbyes to each other. Neither of them looked up from the floor. Datz simply gave Dhurke a sad look. One of the rebels at their door spoke up.
”Well, Apollo. Are you ready to go? Your foster family will arrive at the airport soon, and we don’t want to make them wait too long.”
Apollo took a moment before nodding and answering, still not breaking eye contact with the floor beneath him.
”Mhm. Can I just…say goodbye first?”
One of the rebels replied with a quiet voice and a sympathetic look.
”Of course. Take as much time as you need for that.”
Apollo first walked over to Datz, who scooped him up off the ground in a hug before ruffling with his hair.
”See ya, AJ. I’ll miss you, kiddo. Give ‘em hell for me, alright?”
Apollo let out a little giggle as Datz gently set him down, and gave an enthusiastic nod before walking over to his older brother, who immediately wrapped his arms around him. He pulled away from his quick hug and grabbed at Apollos shoulders, looking as serious as ever.
”Don’t forget to write to me. And call me. You remember the number, right? I wrote in down and put it in your bag, just in case. And take pictures for me, lots of pictures. And…don’t forget about me, alright?”
“Yes Yuta, I know the number. And you have to write back too, okay? I’d never forget you guys, don’t be stupid. How could I?”
Apollo gave Nahyuta a playful shove which was returned with an eye roll, and what looked to be a bit of a smile. The two boys shared one more hug, before Apollo finally made his way to Dhurke, who crouched down to meet the eyes of his son. Dhurke could already feel tears forming in his eyes, but he pretended they weren’t there and acted as strong as he could.
”Goodbye, Apollo. I promise I’ll be back for you before you know it. I’ll call you whenever I can alright? Stay strong for me. A-“
”A dragon never yields. I know.”
The boy gave him a smile as the urge to cry got worse and worse. Dhurke knew the tears in his eyes were visible now. Apollo lunged forwards and threw his arms around Dhurke’s neck, who hugged back as tight as he could. Apollo whispered something, just loud enough so that Dhurke could hear.
”Goodbye, dad.”
Dhurke felt like his heart might burst out of his chest, the tears in his eyes now daring to fall down his face. He shut his eyes as tight as he could to keep them from pouring. Apollo never called him dad. Aside from the few accidental times when he was just a baby, simply repeating what Nahyuta was saying, or the times he almost said it but caught himself halfway through. It wasn’t out of malice, or any bad intentions, it was just simply something that Apollo never called him. Even if Dhurke called him son, Apollo was well aware of the fact that they had no biological relationship. In fact, Dhurke told Apollo as much as he could about his birth parents, as it felt wrong not to. Dhurke was fine with the fact that Apollo never called him something parental, in fact, that made sense. It didn’t bother him at all. But there was something about those times, those accidental slip ups that made Dhurke’s heart feel like it was going to beat out of his chest, especially now. This felt so deliberate, this wasn’t just a slip up or an accident, this was on purpose. There was something about the conformation that Apollo accepted Dhurke as his father, knowing with his full chest that he wasn’t, that made Dhurke rethink this whole plan. He hugged his son even tighter, somehow, and let out all he could without bursting into sobs, his voice strained and breathless.
”Goodbye, my son.”
He allowed his grip to loosen, and Apollo stepped out of the hug, and gave his dad another sweet smile. Dhurke stood up as Apollo made his way through the door, waving to his family as he walked away with the group of rebels, to safety. When he could no long make out Apollo from the group, he slowly shut the door, the silence in the house suffocating. It seemed darker than usual. Dhurke stood there motionless in front of the door, completely out of it and contemplating running out the door and getting Apollo back. He felt Datz’s hand on his shoulder, still no words said between the three remaining in the house.
He would go get Apollo, once this was all over, no matter how long it took. He would make Khura’in a safe place for his children to live. He would restore what once was such a beautiful place to live. He would save his family.
And even if it was the last thing he did, he would see Apollo again.