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The small dorm room felt like it was closing in, tension stretching so tight Caitlyn felt she might snap. She sat stiffly at her desk, eyes locked on the phone screen as it buzzed relentlessly with another call from her mother. The ringing echoed in her ears, each vibration a reminder of things she’d tried to bury. She didn’t dare pick up. Not again. Her hands trembled as she gripped the edge of the desk, hoping Vi would let it go, hoping she’d—
“Seriously, Caitlyn? Are you just gonna ignore her again?” Vi’s voice was sharp, irritated from her spot on the bed behind Caitlyn.
Caitlyn’s jaw tightened. “Vi, please…just drop it.”
Buzz. Another call. Vi sighed, rolling her eyes. “Wow, must be nice. Some of us actually pick up when our family calls. Maybe you should try it sometime.”
Caitlyn flinched, barely whispering, “Just shut up…”
The phone buzzed again, and Vi scoffed. “What, too good to answer? Afraid Mommy’s going to give you an earful about your grades or something?”
“Vi, I mean it,” Caitlyn’s voice wavered, desperate now.
Buzz. Vi huffed, her tone dismissive. “Oh, right. Little Miss Perfect doesn’t have time for a simple call. Probably too busy basking in all that family money.”
A tremor ran through Caitlyn’s hands as she gripped her desk harder. “I’m asking you. Stop.”
Another call. Another scoff from Vi. “God, maybe if you weren’t such a spoiled brat, you could actually handle a phone call. Or are you just that scared?”
“Please, Vi…” Caitlyn’s voice cracked, barely more than a whisper.
Buzz. Vi leaned back, crossing her arms. “You know, not everyone has their lives handed to them. Some of us actually had to work to be here, not just rely on Mommy and Daddy.”
Tears blurred Caitlyn’s vision, her nails digging into her palms as Vi kept going.
Buzz. “It must be exhausting, huh? Trying so hard to look perfect for Mommy while sitting on a pile of their money. Some of us don’t have that luxury, Caitlyn.”
Caitlyn shook her head, breathing shallow and quick, struggling to keep control. “You don’t…you don’t know anything.”
“Oh, but I get it.” Vi’s voice was mocking. “You probably can’t handle even a five-minute call without freaking out. Because princess Cait can’t face the real world without her safety net.”
Buzz. “Stop…” Caitlyn pleaded, barely able to hold herself together as Vi’s words cut deeper.
Vi scoffed, oblivious. “Guess it’s easier to ignore her, right? Easier to pretend you’re not just…clinging to Mommy’s approval.”
The next call buzzed through, and Caitlyn’s breath hitched, the room spinning as Vi’s words landed like blows.
“God, maybe she has every right to check up on you like this. You probably give her a reason to doubt you.”
Each word twisted something inside Caitlyn, unraveling her carefully built walls.
Buzz. “Face it, Cait. You’re just scared. Scared that you’ll never live up to whatever perfect image she has. That you’re just…weak.”
Another call, and Caitlyn couldn’t breathe, every ring pushing her further to the edge.
“Or maybe she’s right to doubt you. Maybe you’re not good enough.”
The final words shattered something inside her. Caitlyn turned, tears spilling down her face, her voice breaking. “You think…you think I’m scared of disappointing her? You don’t know what she’s like, Vi. You don’t know what she’s done to me.”
Vi’s smug expression faltered, surprise flashing across her face as Caitlyn’s words came tumbling out, raw and desperate. “I can’t pick up that phone, Vi, because every time I do, she finds some new way to make me feel worthless. She’s not calling to check in; she’s calling to remind me that I’ll never be enough.”
Caitlyn’s voice cracked, her shoulders trembling. “She’s never been proud of me. She’s only calling because she can’t stand the thought of me being okay on my own. It’s control, Vi. It’s always been control.”
Vi’s face went blank, the weight of Caitlyn’s words settling in.
“You think she cares about me?” Caitlyn let out a hollow laugh. “The only reason she’s even nice to me now is because she’s afraid I’ll cut her off. I’m not her daughter to her, Vi. I’m her…her possession.”
Silence fell over the room as Caitlyn’s tears streamed down, years of pain spilling out. “She doesn’t care about me. She never did.”
“Caitlyn…” Vi’s voice was a whisper, laden with guilt, but Caitlyn didn’t look up.
Caitlyn’s voice trembled with a mix of anger and pain as she continued, her words pouring out like a dam breaking. “You think I don’t want to talk to her? You think I want to keep running away? I’m terrified of picking up that phone because every time I do, it’s like she’s digging her claws into me again, reminding me of every mistake I’ve ever made. Every single thing I’m not. I can’t let her do that to me anymore. I can’t keep pretending everything’s fine when it’s not!”
Vi’s heart sank at Caitlyn’s words, guilt flooding through her. “Caitlyn, I didn’t mean to—”
“Didn’t mean to what? Make me feel like a little girl again?” Caitlyn interrupted, her voice rising. “That’s what it feels like, Vi. It’s like I’m back in that house, hearing her voice echoing in my head, telling me I’m not smart enough, not pretty enough, not worthy of love. How can you not understand that? You don’t get it! You have no idea how it feels to be belittled, to have someone you’re supposed to trust tear you down at every opportunity! I can’t just brush it off like you can.”
“Caitlyn, I—” Vi started, but Caitlyn cut her off again, her words tumbling out faster now, fueled by her mounting distress.
“And it’s not just my mother! It’s everyone, Vi! I go to classes and see those girls who look perfect, who seem to have it all together, and I feel like I’m drowning in this sea of inadequacy. They’re smart, and they’re confident, and I’m just…me. I can’t measure up. I don’t belong there. I don’t belong anywhere! And every time I hear someone laugh, I wonder if they’re laughing at me, at how I’m struggling to even keep my head above water!”
Vi could see Caitlyn’s hands shaking, gripping her chest as if trying to hold herself together. The tension in the room was palpable, and Vi felt a wave of panic wash over her, realizing how deep Caitlyn’s pain ran. “Please, Caitlyn, just breathe. We can talk about this—”
“I can’t breathe! You don’t understand!” Caitlyn shouted, her voice rising higher, the distress evident in her tone. “It’s like I’m trapped in my own head, and every little thing just keeps piling up! I can’t escape it! I can’t escape her! She’s always there, lurking, waiting for me to slip up so she can swoop in and remind me of everything I’m not! And now you’re just like her! You don’t even realize it! You think it’s so easy to just call her, to just deal with it, but it’s not! It’s suffocating!”
“Caitlyn, please, just try to focus on me,” Vi pleaded, her voice trembling with fear. “You are so strong! You’re not drowning; you’re just in a storm, and I’m right here with you! Please, I need you to breathe with me! You can do this!”
Caitlyn’s eyes darted around the room, her breaths coming in sharp gasps, panic rising within her. “I can’t… I can’t… I can’t handle this,” she stammered, her hand falling to her lap, gripping it tightly as if anchoring herself to reality. “I can’t breathe, Vi, please…”
“Caitlyn, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to—”
“Stop apologizing!” Caitlyn shouted, her voice cracking. “You’re not the one in here! You’re not the one who has to live with her every day! You think this is easy for me? That I’m just being dramatic? I’m trying to find my way, and you’re just pushing me back! You’re supposed to be my roommate, and yet it feels like you’re pushing me away!”
Caitlyn’s eyes flickered for a moment, but then her gaze dropped again, wild and panicked. “I can’t—please, just make it stop! I can’t do this anymore!” Her hands shook uncontrollably, and she pressed her palms against her chest, feeling the pressure rise, making it harder to draw in air.
“Caitlyn, please!” Vi begged, tears forming in her eyes, desperate to reach her. “You are so much more than what they see! You are beautiful and capable, and I’m so sorry I pushed you! I didn’t mean to make you feel this way!”
But Caitlyn kept going, lost in her tumultuous thoughts. “It’s not just her! It’s everyone! It’s the professors who don’t see me, the classmates who don’t understand, the friends who think they know me but really don’t! I’m just this ghost, floating through life, and I can’t keep pretending it’s okay! I don’t want to be strong anymore! I just want someone to see how broken I am, how exhausted I am from trying to fit into a mold I’ll never fit in!”
Vi felt her heart race as she watched Caitlyn’s face pale, her breaths becoming more erratic, each one seeming harder to draw in than the last. “Caitlyn! Look at me!” Vi reached out, desperate to connect. “Focus on me! I’m right here! You’re not alone!”
Caitlyn’s eyes darted, wild and unfocused, as she gasped, her hands shaking uncontrollably. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!” Her voice cracked, desperation flooding her tone as she hunched over, clutching her chest tighter, each breath a struggle against the invisible weight pressing down on her.
“Caitlyn, listen!” Vi’s voice broke, urgency clawing at her insides as she tried to reach her roommate. “You are so strong! You’re not drowning; you’re just in a storm, and I’m right here with you! Please, I need you to breathe with me! You can do this!”
Caitlyn’s voice rang out, frenzied and filled with despair. “It’s not just her! It’s everyone! It’s the professors who don’t see me, the classmates who don’t understand, the friends who think they know me but really don’t! I’m just this ghost, floating through life, and I can’t keep pretending it’s okay! I don’t want to be strong anymore! I just want someone to see how broken I am, how exhausted I am from trying to fit into a mold I’ll never fit in!”
Caitlyn’s breaths became more erratic, and Vi could see the panic reaching a breaking point. “Caitlyn!” Vi shouted, stepping closer, heart racing with fear. “Please, just look at me!”
But Caitlyn was too far gone, her voice becoming increasingly frantic as her thoughts spiraled. “Every single day feels like a battle I can’t win! I can’t keep pretending to be okay when I’m not! I can’t keep pushing my feelings down like they don’t matter! I feel like I’m being crushed under the weight of it all, and every time I try to rise, I just get pulled back under! I don’t know how to escape, Vi! I don’t know how to be strong enough to face her or anyone! It’s like I’m drowning, and I’m scared I’ll never come back up!”
Vi’s heart raced as she watched Caitlyn’s body tremble, her breaths quickening, each one seeming harder to draw in than the last. “Caitlyn, please! Look at me! I need you to breathe!”
Caitlyn shook her head violently, tears flowing freely now, her voice choked with pain. “You don’t get it! I just want to be okay! But I can’t! I don’t know how to be okay!” Her words echoed in the room, filled with desperation.
As the weight of her words hung heavy in the air, Caitlyn felt herself slipping, her world blurring around the edges. But then, gradually, the storm began to calm. Her breaths, while still rapid, slowed enough for Vi to reach out, gently taking Caitlyn’s hands in her own.
“Caitlyn, listen to me,” Vi said softly, her voice filled with sincerity. “I’m so sorry for everything. I didn’t realize how much I was pushing you. I should have been there for you, not adding to your pain. I’m here now, and I want to help you.”
Caitlyn’s eyes met Vi’s, confusion and pain still lingering, but there was a flicker of understanding as she processed Vi’s words. The intensity began to fade, and though she felt fragile, the weight on her chest lessened, if only a little.
“I just… I don’t want to feel this way anymore,” Caitlyn whispered, her voice breaking.
“I know,” Vi replied, her heart aching with guilt. “And I’ll do everything I can to support you. I’m really sorry, Caitlyn. I should have listened.”
Caitlyn leaned against the wall, oddly grateful for Vi’s presence as her panic seeped away from her.