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Buck is late.
It’s ridiculous how Eddie has Buck’s schedule memorized. He keeps track of appointments and work and when Buck will be babysitting for his sister. He has his birthday memorized since the first one Buck celebrated with him. He knows Buck could be a million unplanned places. He could have stopped by to see Tommy or his sister or any member of the 118. Eddie resists the urge to pace the halls of his home and he wonders if Buck even will come over now that Christopher is back and his life is back to relatively normal. Maybe Buck would rather spend time with his boyfriend. Eddie likes Tommy, always has. He even likes Tommy for Buck in some ways. Lord knows Buck deserves some genuine care and love in his life.
Why does Eddie still feel a twinge of ugly jealousy each and every time Tommy gives Buck the smallest signs of affection?
He knows Buck inside and out. He has never had a friend so entwined in his life, so surely these feelings are normal? He tells himself that Buck is a danger magnet and that’s why he keeps glancing at the clock. Buck has no obligation here, but Eddie is still expecting the worst to happen.
“Dad, stop pacing,” Chrisi mutters as he passes by the couch. Christopher still isn’t speaking much to him even if he did decide to come home. Things were improving by the day, but it was still rare for him to speak to Eddie unless being asked a question. His voice was raspy and congested and he sounded awful. He caught the flu almost as soon as he settled in his old bedroom. Eddie’s been catering to him as much as he could, figuring it’s the least he could do.
“Sorry,” Eddie apologizes as he glances at the clock once again. “Go back to sleep, mijo”
Chris gives a heavy sigh before settling deeper under the blankets and Eddie can hear his breathing even out in moments. Eddie sighs and wanders over to the one bookshelf they had to pick up some book to keep him distracted. Any other activity would make it hard for his son to sleep even if Eddie doubted some book could keep him from worrying. The book works for half an hour and then he is back to staring at the pages blankly and hovers his hand over his phone in case it vibrates with a message or call from Buck.
The rev of some stupid bike broke their silence and Eddie immediately gets frustrated when Chris shifts in his sleep and snuffles a little. The bikes were nothing but danger and noise. He found them obnoxious on the best of days. Today is not one of those days and since the bike sounded like it was practically in his yard he goes to the front door to tell them it was far past a respectable time to be making so much noise.
He gets to the front door and is rendered speechless. He steps slowly out onto his porch and all thoughts of a reprimand dies on his tongue. The bike cuts off and Eddie is befuddled at who could be at his house riding one of those things. This mysterious figure had on sinfully tight jeans and a leather jacket that hugged his arms in all the right ways. The helmet gleams and it hides any hints of who the rider is. Eddie isn’t one to thirst over strangers, but he finds his mouth as dry as a desert as he continues to openly stare. The stranger is pulling off the helmet and Eddie knows he should probably pick his jaw up off the floor. All at once it pops off and Eddie knows in an instant who is in his driveway on the sleek bike.
“Buck?” He asks incredulously and his brain couldn’t connect the dots that the person he had been ogling over is his best friend. “Buck, what are you riding?”
“You like it?” Buck gives a beaming smile and his curls are tousled from being confined in the helmet. The curls are loose and soft and not for the first time Eddie wants to touch them. He shakes his head and tries to come back to why he is annoyed in the first place.
“It’s loud,” Eddie stutters out as his brain comes back online. Buck’s smile droops a little as he tilts his head curiously.
“That’s all? It’s loud?” Buck asks as he rests his helmet on his hip. “I can think of a million better adjectives for it.”
“You bought a death trap?” Eddie is fully back and his annoyance rises. “Seriously? I’ve been worried for hours over you buying some bike? What brought this idea on?”
“Well, you remember the bike I rode when Athena was attempting that crazy landing?” Buck says quickly “I felt this rush that I hadn’t felt in a long time and it was so much fun zooming down the highway. So I was just glancing at a few and this one begged me to buy it.”
“Motorcycles are nothing more than asking for something awful to happen.” Eddie sighs and rubs at his chin.
“You don’t think it’s hot? Tommy did.” Buck comes closer to him and something flutters inside of him in spite of his words. Of course the bike was one of the hottest things Buck had gotten since Eddie had known him. It makes his heart beat just a little bit faster and sweat builds on his upper lip. He can’t believe he was just checking Buck out over some bike.
“That is besides the point,” Eddie says as he tries to get some kind of moisture back in his mouth. “You could have texted.”
“It’s a surprise!” Buck protests and finally he is fully in front of Eddie and there is no hiding anything in those pants. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“Consider me surprised,” Eddie says dryly. “Have you considered the risks before you bought it?”
“Eds, what is going on right now? You’ve never said a word about how much you hate bikes? I was even going to take Chris for a ride sometime. He’d love it. I have a helmet for him of course.”
Now that the thirst trap had fled his immediate thought Eddie can only think about Buck splattered over the pavement and his bike scrunched like some accordion. Yet another thing Eddie couldn’t save him from. He worried about Buck enough on shift every single call where Buck shows his incredible skill to save another life. Now he needs to worry about Buck outside the firehouse weaving through traffic on some bike and all it would take for one car to not be paying attention and his life could be in danger.
“LIghtning,” Eddie begins to list and it almost flashes in front of him seeing Buck’s lifeless body suspended and in that moment he had thought Buck was gone for good. The pain that had whipped through him had almost brought him to his knees. He couldn’t live without Buck, as corny as that sounded. Buck is half of his heart by now, with Chris taking up the other half. He wouldn’t survive losing Evan Buckley. “FIretruck, tsunami, and countless others. You don’t think danger tries to find you enough? All it would take is one fucking teenager texting on their phone and you could be literally splattered on pavement.”
“That could happen in my Jeep, Eddie, I'm not going anywhere. The bike is just something fun.” Buck explains and Eddie shakes his head.
“You can’t promise that,” Eddie doesn’t like to think about the fact that an accident could happen and Buck could go before he got a chance to unpack whatever the jealousy meant. Frank seemed to know, the bastard, but he wasn’t giving any hints. It’s probably fairly obvious, but it escapes him. “How can Tommy think that’s hot? Does he think it’s hot when you’re in some hospital bed with road rash all over you?”
“Let’s go inside and get you a beer,” Buck suggests as he lays a hand on Eddie’s shoulder’ “Normally I’m the one spiraling, but you’re giving me a run for my money.”
“Chris is sleeping on the couch. He’s got the flu,” Eddie shakes his head and truly wants Buck to understand that if that bike caused him any harm Eddie might tear it apart with his bare hands.
“Poor kid,” Buck glances through the window where you could see a pile of blankets and not much more. “I would have bought him something to make him feel better.”
“We wouldn’t survive without you,” Eddie has never said the sentiment so bluntly before, but maybe Buck needed that so he could see where Eddie is coming from. “We’ve had this conversation before. You are not expendable, and people would be destroyed if something were to happen. I would be destroyed.”
“So you want me to never take risks?” Buck frowns. Eddie quickly steps into his personal space, forcing Buck back against the porch railing. He doesn’t have a plan or even thinks about what he’s saying.
“I’d wrap you in bubble wrap if it was acceptable,” Eddie says, his voice low and his mouth goes dry again when he realizes how close they are. He can see the outline of Buck’s dick if he glances down and a heat is rushing over him at that realization.
“Eddie,” Buck’s voice is much less confident, almost breathy. Eddie knows Buck has a boyfriend now, off the market. He knows he should back up before he does something stupid. His brain is not thinking logically right now and the smell of leather and Buck’s cologne is driving him wild.
“The bike is ridiculously hot,” Eddie confesses as his eyes meet the baby blues he pictures way too often. “Especially what you’re wearing riding it.”
“Yeah?” Buck’s breathing is getting faster and Eddie sees his eyes are flickering all over and particularly glancing at where his shirt is undone the first few buttons.
“Please get rid of it,” Eddie has no right to ask that. Buck has his own life. He is an adult and can make his own choices. He knows all of that, but he also can’t lose Buck. He can’t. “But keep the clothes.,”
“The clothes are kind of for riding it,” Buck stutters out as he finally focuses on Eddie’s eyes. Eddie is trying to reign in these thoughts and feelings that were not appropriate, but failing. He wants so much more than to stand inches from Buck. He wants to be the one showering Buck with affection and compliments. He knew that no matter how hot Buck looked on the back of a bike he cared far more about having Buck here. The concern and the longing and the worrying and the nightmares all added up somehow. He takes one last step forward until they are practically touching as it hits him, making him give a tiny gasp’
He loves Buck. He’s fucking head over heels for Evan Buckley.
“Well,” Eddie says slowly. “If the clothes are on a limited basis it’s a shame for them to go to waste.”
“You need to clarify exactly what you’re saying,” Buck swallows hard enough that Eddie can track his Adam's apple bobbing. He wants Buck to be his. He is so tired of using words to try and explain how much Buck means to him. There are no words good enough and Eddie isn’t even sure actions could say how helplessly in love he is. It might have hit him at this moment, but Eddie suspects it’s been years.
“I’m saying,” Eddie places his hand on Buck’s shoulder as he has a million times before and his thumb brushes that defined collar bone. “The only way those clothes could be any hotter is if I peeled them off of you.”
“Holy fuck,” Buck’s eyes widen, but Eddie can see they go dark with desire as well. “You better mean that Diaz.”
“Never meant anything more,” Eddie said before he leaned the last centimeters and kisses Buck. He immediately moans at the heat and the passion that is immediately between them. Buck gives a sigh like he was finally giving up all his stress and burdens he had been carrying since before Eddie had met him. He wraps his arms around Buck tightly as the man’s knees give out while he deepens the kiss. His head is buzzing and blissfully silent all at once. Nothing matters but this moment, this kiss is all that matters. Buck is warm as he cups the side of his neck and Eddie hopes it is half as good for Buck as it is for him. He has never kissed a man, and now he wonders what exactly he’s been missing out on. He suspects that this feeling only exists for Evan Buckley.
“Eds,” Buck mumbles into his mouth, but Eddie is lost on lust and simply traces kisses down Buck’s neck, loving how he turns his head to the side instinctively. “Eds, wait.”
“Sorry,” Eddie pants and cant bring himself to back up as he meets Buck’s eyes again. “Did- Did you not want this?”
“I’ve wanted something like this since the day we met,” Buck confesses and his hands are lightly resting on Eddie’s chest. “Eds, I’m in love with you. I don’t know if the bike got you riled up or whatever, but this is something so much deeper for me. I, uh, I can’t have this be blowing off steam or an impulsive moment. “
“I would never do that to you,” Eddie says as he cups Buck’s face. Buck leans into his touch and a thrill of possession rolls through him. He wants Buck to be his and only his. “Evan, I’m in love too, with you and only you.”
“I can’t,” Buck looks like the words are killing him to say it. Eddie feels a rock sink into his stomach and really hopes this isn’t rejection his brain is screaming at him it is. “Tommy.”
Fuck, he had forgotten for a moment that Buck was spoken for.
“Right,” Eddie tries to step away when Buck brings him in for another softer kiss.
“I need to end things with Tommy before we go any further. I may not feel for him what I feel for you, but I do like him. I owe him the decency of a proper conversation. Can you wait for me?” Buck seems like he’s almost begging, as if Eddie was going anywhere.
“Take as long as you need,” Eddie smiles at the thought of Buck loving him in return. If he ever doubted that is what he was feeling this joy erased it. “I’ll always be here.”
He would honor that promise until the day he died.