Archive of Our Own ^beta

If there’s anything Renjun does not want to do, it’s to go back and sit in a university tutorial. He’s dead, he died five years ago— and getting out of his tutorials was probably the best thing that came out of that.

“Why don’t you go and sit in the class?” Renjun grumbles as he swipes the folder out of Donghyuck’s hand. “Since you seem to be so enthusiastic about the whole thing.” He opens to the assigned page, paying no attention to Donghyuck as he drapes his entire body weight onto him, cheek squished up against his as he makes a whining noise.

Park Jisung is his next target. A first-year university student who, in very blunt words, is a loner. 

Both he and Donghyuck are seated on one of the benches in the campus garden, just a few feet away from Jisung who’s sitting under a tree, earphones plugged and music probably turned up to the max, completing one of his Chemistry quizzes twenty-four minutes before it’s due. 

They’re observing him. Well, Renjun is. Donghyuck has been going up to the poor boy and flicking his note pages every few minutes to distract him because he just cannot keep still. And since Jisung can’t see Donghyuck, he can only believe it’s the wind and so has changed positions too many times in the past half an hour, and it’s quite upsetting watching him get more and more frustrated at the non-existent wind that seems to only be targeting his notebook and no one else in the vicinity. 

“I don’t want to sit in a Chemistry tutorial,” Donghyuck drawls as he slides his body down the bench. “Aren’t you tired? We’ve been watching him for days now and there’s nothing that we haven’t learnt that wasn’t in the Target Data Record.”

Renjun sharply exhales. He’s right. The short summary describing Jisung has been proven correct and there’s basically nothing else to help them out in choosing Jisung’s perfect partner. The Previous Objects of Affection list in the data record is blank, and no one seems to have any interest in him, nor does he seem to have interest in anyone else. 

“Renjun…” Donghyuck has now resorted to pulling at the sleeve of his jumper. Renjun lets him. “C’mon, I know you take this thing seriously but we’ve been at it for days. Let’s take a break. You’re not going to find the best match for Jisung if you’re exhausted.”

Renjun hates it when Donghyuck has a good point, but he hates it more when Donghyuck can see right through him. He hasn’t been sleeping much the past few days, instead he’s been tossing and turning and getting a glass of water every night because he’s never had a target so frustrating before. How can no one be interested in him? He’s attractive and smart, and yeah sure— maybe he doesn’t really speak and has a mean-looking resting face, but when has the romance department evolved from not caring about looks to putting all their eggs in the personality basket? If this was what it was like when Renjun was still alive, maybe he wouldn’t be—

“Renjun.”

Donghyuck’s voice cuts through his thoughts. Renjun glances up at his now-standing partner and eyes his out-stretched hand. “Let’s go home.”

He sends one final look behind him to the boy under the tree. He’s… lonely, and it’s Renjun’s job as a cupid to find someone for him. 

He takes Donghyuck’s hand, and his partner helps hoist him to his feet. 

“Let’s go home,” Donghyuck repeats, a small smile on his face.

With averted eyes, Renjun mumbles. “Okay.”

And Donghyuck intertwines their fingers together, an act that shouldn’t leave butterflies in Renjun’s stomach.

Cupids aren’t allowed to fall in love. Or rather, they can’t. Those who get selected by the Goddess of Love after meeting an unfortunate end are able to live a second life as cupids, matchmaking mortals to accumulate enough good karma to be reborn into a human once again. 

Renjun isn’t sure how much karma he needs to be reborn. There isn’t a set number, or any sort of indicator. Perhaps one day you’ll wake up as a human again, or you’ll find yourself forever matchmaking suitable partners together. It sounds easy enough, but it’s not uncommon to run into problems such as love triangles or not being able to find ‘the perfect match’. 

Shooting a target whilst they’re looking at an unsuitable partner doesn’t do anything. All it does is waste ammo, which you have to use your own karma that you’ve earned to buy, and makes it obvious to other cupids to know that you’ve messed up a matchmaking.

For someone like Renjun who has had a clean record for years, a mistake would be nothing but embarrassing, but this Jisung Park is testing him. No one at any of his lectures or tutorials or even on campus has deemed themselves to be suitable for him in Renjun’s eyes, and it’s only a matter of time before Renjun is regarded as unfit to decide for him and Jisung gets passed onto another cupid. 

A pillow is thrown at Renjun’s face.

“You’re thinking so loudly,” Donghyuck frowns and he steps into the room with his blanket in his free hand. “The whole point of tonight is to rest and not think.” He picks his fallen pillow off the floor. “You’ve been standing in the middle of your room for like a minute, it got kinda creepy.”

Renjun rolls his eyes as he watches Donghyuck drop his things on the bed. “Shut up, I’m trying not to think either.”

Donghyuck’s wings flutter as he climbs over to ‘his side’ of the bed. “Well, no more thinking. Come.” He pats the space next to him, flattening the sheet out for Renjun.

“You know you have your own room, right?” But Renjun has to bite back a smile as he climbs into the sheets next to Donghyuck. Yes, Donghyuck has his own room, but when Renjun gets too in his head, it’s an unspoken agreement that Donghyuck spends the night with him, even if they fight during recon— because they’re partners, and at the end of the day, Donghyuck is who Renjun comes home to.

The wings were annoying when he first became a cupid, even more so when both of them have wings that either will poke at the other if they lie one way, or it’ll hurt them if they sleep on it. But they’ve found a way, with both facing each other so their wings are able to turn outwards to not disturb either of them— and more often than not, Renjun finds himself waking up buried in Donghyuck’s chest. 

“You’ll do fine,” Donghyuck tells him in a low whisper as Renjun rolls onto his side to face him. It’s almost as if Donghyuck read his mind- crawling into the deepest part of his heart and unveiling it from the inside out, to learn all of Renjun’s fears and worries, to learn what to say to make him feel even just a little bit better. “You’ve never once failed a matchmaking.”

Renjun reaches his hand out and softly brushes Donghyuck’s bangs away from his eyes. “I know,” he says, but he isn’t sure if he means it, or if he’s trying to convince himself with those words. “I’ve just… Jisung is so strange and I don’t get it. I don’t get why I feel so different about him.”

A quiet hum and as Renjun pulls his hand away, Donghyuck quickly grabs onto it, cupping his hand in his as he slowly brings it down between them. He caresses his knuckles, an act so innocent and simple, yet brings so much comfort to Renjun. “You’ll figure it out,” he reassures him, and it sounds like he truly believes it. 

It confuses Renjun sometimes, why Donghyuck can place that much faith in him when Renjun, himself, can’t.

“Hey.” A tug at his hand. “You’re going away again.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise to me,” Donghyuck whispers. He stifles a yawn and Renjun feels a pit of guilt bubble in his stomach. Donghyuck must have been exhausted following Renjun around the last few days. Renjun may be used to doing recons multiple days in a row, but Donghyuck isn’t. He’s been so in his mind lately that he hasn’t even had time to stop and think about Donghyuck and his needs, how Donghyuck must feel. Some partner he is.

“Go to sleep,” he gently tells his partner.  “I’ll be okay.”

“Promise?” 

“I promise.”

Seemingly satisfied with that answer (or maybe Donghyuck is just too tired at this point), he leans in closer and leaves a light kiss on Renjun’s forehead. 

“Goodnight, Renjun.”

Grateful for the darkness in his room, Renjun ignores the heat rising to his cheeks. “Goodnight, Donghyuck.”

And he’s out immediately, which honestly worries Renjun a bit because just how exhausted has Donghyuck been? He pushes those thoughts away, though. He promised him that he wouldn’t think too much once Donghyuck falls asleep. Keeping his promise is the least he could do.

Cupids aren’t supposed to fall in love. Renjun knows this. He’s been shot by a cupid before during a fight, and he had the same reaction as every other cupid; crying about how he wishes he could fall in love. Cupids are immune to the bullets, much like shooting someone who isn’t a good match for your target. Renjun knows this. He’s been a cupid for far too long. And yet…

And yet why does his heart speed up whenever Donghyuck comes too close? Whenever Donghyuck’s fingers linger on his skin for a second too long? Whenever Donghyuck holds his hand to reassure him that he’s doing just fine? Why does he wish that those small affections that Donghyuck shows to him are to be reserved for him, and him only?

Cupids aren’t supposed to fall in love. It is how the Goddess of Love makes them.

Perhaps Renjun is a defect. His thumping heart and warm cheeks is living proof of the love within him.

He doesn’t sleep soundly that night, despite the object of his affections holding him close- but not once does he let go of Donghyuck’s hand during the night. 

Neither does Donghyuck.

The next day, Renjun’s eyelids are heavy and he has been fading in and out of consciousness the whole day, but Donghyuck’s energy has returned so in Renjun’s mind, it’s a win.

“Don’t say my plan sucks! How else are we meant to grow closer to him?!”

Renjun stares agape at Donghyuck as students begin to flood into the lecture hall. “Your plan is to become close enough to him so he talks to us about the things he likes?”

“Which is perfect! I don’t see what’s wrong with it.”

It’s hard to believe that Donghyuck has been a cupid for almost as long as Renjun has been one, especially when his ideas are as bad as this. “Isn’t it too heartless to befriend someone with no friends and then suddenly-” He snaps his fingers. “Disappear from his life?”

Donghyuck leans on the back of a chair. “It’s not like he’ll know,” he mumbles quietly, hands fidgeting the hem of his shirt. “Humans forget about us when we show our wings, anyway.”

Renjun stills. The laughter from a group of friends passing echo in his ears. Cupids should never get too close to their targets, they can reveal themselves to help with recon, but there should never be a deeper relationship formed between a cupid and mortal because once the cupid is forced to free their wings to finish the matchmaking, the target will have no memory of them.

They had a target a few months ago and Donghyuck had grown too attached to him, choosing to hide his wings to spend more time with him. It wasn’t romantic love, because cupids can not fall in love, but there’s no denial that Donghyuck felt something for him. Delaying a matchmaking is not against the rules, but is heavily frowned upon, yet Donghyuck delayed it as long as he could- just to spend those extra hours with him.

Yet when the inevitable came, when Donghyuck finally stopped running and finished the matchmaking, releasing his wings to shoot the bullet, he was nothing but devastated- even if he never said a word to Renjun about it.

Ever since then, Donghyuck rarely suggests that they make themselves known to the target, maybe too afraid that something like that would happen again. So for him to suggest this for Jisung must mean that even he feels as if they’ve hit a wall.

“I just think it’ll help a bit,” Donghyuck says, rubbing at his cheek. “You understand, right?” He avoids Renjun’s gaze.

Jisung is sitting on the left side of the lecture hall, quite close to the front so he’s alone in the middle of the row. There’s plenty of space for Renjun and Donghyuck, and there’s the excuse of wanting to sit at the front to see the slides better. It’s an idea, and it’s not like Renjun has anything better. He’s done everything he’s been trained to do, and there still doesn’t seem like there’s hope for Jisung.

“Alright,” Renjun decides, taking his steps down to the front of the lecture hall. He doesn’t turn around to see if Donghyuck follows.

He stops at the row Jisung’s sitting at. He has his headphones in and he’s preoccupied with whatever’s on his phone, waiting for the lecturer to begin. He’s distracted, which means he won’t be jumpscared by Renjun and Donghyuck appearing out of thin air. 

He closes his eyes and exhales, hiding his wings. He looks back and gestures for Donghyuck to do the same, which he seems to hesitate for a bit- he must have thought that the plan only involved Renjun and that he could watch from the sidelines. After all, Jisung is Renjun’s target, but with Renjun’s insistent gestures, Donghyuck frowns and follows. 

Renjun doesn’t normally ask for Donghyuck to help him out with things he can do himself, and this is most definitely a task that he can finish independently, especially alongside Donghyuck’s history with such recon missions. But Renjun wants Donghyuck beside him, there isn’t a reason for it. And in all honesty, it scares him.

They scoot into the seats in the row. Not directly besides Jisung, leaving two seats between them. Renjun doesn’t want to scare the poor boy by choosing to sit next to him when the entire row is free. He pulls out the Target Data Record folder from his bag and pretends that it’s a notebook. He looks over to Donghyuck, wanting to ask if he had anything to sell the university student look, but he just shrugs at him and feigns being asleep— which, if you ask Renjun, does a pretty good job at selling the whole act.

The lecturer walks into the hall and Renjun sees Jisung take out his earphones from the corner of his eye. He can’t approach him right off the bat, it’ll be too unnatural if so. He has to wait a bit and come up with some sort of opener that won’t raise any suspicions. 

The lecture begins and Renjun is already tuning everything out. Jisung, on the other hand, looks so concentrated at the content that Renjun feels kind of bad for interrupting his focus for something so stupid, but it’s not stupid because it’s Jisung’s future; his lovelife. Or that’s what Renjun tells himself as he musters up the courage to lean in closer.

“Excuse me,” Renjun whispers. Jisung pays him no attention, probably not realising Renjun was talking to him, so he tries again. “Excuse me,” he repeats, louder this time. 

Jisung spares him a glance, and then looks to the other side of the row as if there is anyone there. He then turns back and points at himself, as if asking if Renjun was talking to him.

This guy is hopeless, Renjun thinks as he nods. “Can I borrow a pen? I forgot to bring my pencil case today.”

Jisung nods, rummaging through his bag and it’s then that Renjun realises he should have come up with a better opener. Jisung uses his iPad to take notes during lectures, why would he have a pen—

“Here you go.” Jisung hands him a blue ballpoint pen. “I normally don’t bring my pencil case to lectures either, but I guess I must have forgotten to put it away. Lucky you.”

Well, Renjun wasn’t expecting so many words to come out of who he and Donghyuck dubbed Loner Jisung's mouth.

Slightly stunlocked, all Renjun could do was mutter out a small thank you and Jisung turns back to the front of the hall. So now Renjun’s forced to take notes on something about spectroscopy when the last time he touched anything Chemistry related was almost seven years ago.

The lecture finally ends and Renjun can’t wait to throw out these notes once he gets home. He turns to Donghyuck to find him actually asleep, so he shakes him awake just as most of the students get up to leave the hall.

“Wha-”

“Wake up, silly. We’ve got a target to get to know.”

Donghyuck blinks, confused. “Oh… yeah.” He shakes his head to wake himself up. “Did I miss anything?”

Renjun runs a hand through his hair. “Unless you mean spectroscopy theory, then no.” He holds up the pen he borrowed from Jisung. “But I do have to return this.”

As if on cue, Jisung finishes packing up his bag and stands up. Renjun gestures to Donghyuck to get up and shuffle out of the row to allow him space to get out, and before Jisung turns and leaves to wherever he needs to go, Renjun holds out the pen.

“Thanks for letting me borrow this,” he says. “You really saved my life back there.”

Jisung halts and looks at the pen, as if he had forgotten he had lent it to Renjun. “Oh,” he mumbles out with an awkward laugh, grabbing it back. “No worries. You could have honestly just kept it.”

“I can’t do that,” Renjun answers. Jisung begins to walk and Renjun follows next to him, Donghyuck trailing behind slowly. “Do you have any classes after this?”

Jisung shakes his head. “I’m done for today. I’m headed home. I have assignments to finish.”

“But it’s only week three!” Renjun exclaims as Jisung pushes the door open for the three of them. “Isn’t it too early to start on your assignments?”

The younger boy shrugs. “Better late than never,” he says. “Sorry, is he…” He points at Donghyuck, an eyebrow raised.

“Oh, him?” Renjun laughs and links an arm with Donghyuck’s. ”He’s my boyfriend! He was just accompanying me to this lecture because one of his tutorials got canceled and he needed something to do to pass time.”

Jisung nods in understanding at the same time Donghyuck lets out an alarmingly loud sounding “What?!”

“Don’t mind him,” Renjun says through gritted teeth, tugging on the arm he’s held hostage. “He’s still a bit out of it. He’s like this when he wakes up after a nap.”

A small smile finds its way onto Jisung’s face. “I knew someone like that.”

A clue, perhaps? Renjun should push for more. “You have a significant other too?”

Jisung falls silent at that question, and Renjun has to quickly backtrack. “So sorry! You don’t have to answer that. I know we just met. That was pretty invasive of me.”

“Yeah…” Jisung scratches the back of his neck as he looks away. “I mean, I don’t even know your names.”

Renjun mentally slaps himself and he hears Donghyuck stifle a giggle beside him. A quick jab with his elbow to the ribs shut him up fast enough, though.

“Right, right! I’m Renjun, and this is Donghyuck.”

A low hum. “I’m Jisung. You’re majoring in Chemistry too, Renjun?”

Ah shit. “Nope! I’m doing it as an elective!”

That must have sounded even more suspicious than if Renjun had said he was and didn't know anything about what they're learning right now, because Jisung gives him a look he can’t decipher.

“I don't know anyone who’s not a Chem major willing to do Chem.” Jisung shakes his head. “I guess you’re just different…” He then pulls his phone out of his back pocket and taps on a few things on his screen, before handing it over to Renjun.

It’s opened to the Instagram search bar.

“I was wondering if we could exchange Instagrams?”

Cupids don’t exactly use social media, only opting to use it if it’s required for a matchmaking. Renjun hasn’t had a need to make an Instagram account in the last five years and it’s not like he can magically create one out of thin air right now, so all he can do is stare at the screen and let out an ugly sounding “uhm”.

Before he knows it, the phone is snatched out of his hands. “Renjun isn’t really a social media guy,” Donghyuck explains to Jisung as he types in his own user into the search bar. “I’ll give you mine.”

That’s right, Donghyuck made an account for that target a while back. 

“Oh,” Jisung says, perhaps a bit taken aback, as Donghyuck hands him his phone. “Thanks.” He plays with the strap of his bag for a second, fidgeting on his feet. “I really need to go now. I’ll see you next week, Renjun? Maybe?” 

Renjun snaps out of his thoughts and gives Jisung a forced smile. “Yeah! I’ll see you next week!” 

He could only hope that it doesn’t take another week to matchmake Jisung to someone. 

Jisung leaves, so Renjun and Donghyuck call it a day. They don’t talk about Donghyuck’s Instagram account, nor do they talk about Renjun calling him his boyfriend.

“I don’t get it. He seems like a normal guy. He talks just fine.” Renjun paces around his room, biting at his thumb. Donghyuck is sitting under the covers on his bed, just watching him. “Why is this so hard? He’s attractive, smart, he’s a bit awkward at times, but that’s just every guy! How can no one have interest in him?” He turns to Donghyuck with a desperate look, as if his partner would magically give him an answer.

But no matter how much he begs Donghyuck, he won’t know the answer either. 

“Is it possible that… He’s not destined for a love life?” Donghyuck asks in a low voice.

Renjun doesn’t reply. It can’t be. Every human gets a chance at love. Jisung can’t be- no, he isn't an error in the system. It'll be Renjun's fault if there's no one suitable enough for him. It'll be Renjun's fault for not trying hard enough. It'll be his fault, and he can't have that.

Jisung’s munching on a piece of bread and the crumbs falling onto the library desk is making Renjun feel restless. 

It’s a growing pile, how Jisung hasn’t noticed and brushed it off yet is a miracle. Renjun wants to rush in and save that poor library book from the crumbs of that stale, white bread but he can’t because if he shows himself, Jisung would most definitely think he’s stalking him.

“Whoa,” Donghyuck marvels beside him, eyes twinkling at the rows of computers on one side of the wall. “They just have those bad boys out in the open like that? And so many too? I wish I was still alive, I would literally camp out in here if I was.” He gasps then grabs onto Renjun’s shoulder and shakes him in excitement, pointing at a corner with a group of guys playing an FPS game. “Look, Renjun! They’re playing games here! I could never have been able to play games in my library when I was alive!”

When I was still alive is a sentence that holds a lot more weight than it should. Sometimes Renjun can’t help but wonder what would have happened if he wasn’t at the wrong place at the wrong time. He holds himself back from looking for his friends from his old life, knowing that there’s no point in seeing how they’re doing. He’s dead, they’re alive- what point is there to hold onto a now-meaningless life? But he can’t help but wonder what it would be like to have lived. Would he have been able to stay with his old friends? Pass university with flying colours? Find a job he liked? Would he have been able to fall in love? And sometimes, at the back of his mind, he wonders if in another world where neither he or Donghyuck died, would they have been able to meet? Under different circumstances?

Renjun doesn’t believe in fate. He doesn’t believe in a lot of things, but he’s a cupid now- so maybe he needs to start believing in the random things that may just be a little real.

“You are glaring at Jisung’s piece of bread really intensely,” Donghyuck laughs when he doesn’t get a response from Renjun, following his line of sight. “At this rate you’re gonna burn a hole through that bread.”

“I just want to give him a paper bag or a napkin or something to catch those crumbs,” he cries, wings flapping behind him in frustration.

“I mean, you could just—” Donghyuck halts in the middle of his sentence, seemingly distracted at something, or someone, that just walked by. His face morphs into something serious, and he immediately stands up, an arm in front of Renjun in a protective stance.

“Hm?” Renjun turns around, hoping to catch a glimpse at whatever changed Donghyuck’s demeanor so quickly.

“Renjun, I think we should—"

“Hello~”

It all happens so quickly. Renjun is immediately pulled into Donghyuck’s chest by the arm already on his shoulder, and Donghyuck’s other hand is quick to pull out the pistol by his belt, pointing it towards the sudden third party that only poses a threat.

It’s not uncommon for cupids to fight each other for certain jobs. Renjun’s been in a few fights, some on the defense and some on the offense; times where his target seems to have too many admirers and one has an ever-growing fanbase of cupids, or other times where the cupid assigned to a target has proven that they are not capable of matchmaking and Renjun has to take matters into his own hands.

“Stay back unless you want to get shot.” He feels the vibrations on Donghyuck’s chest as he growls, pistol still aimed straight at the target behind Renjun, ready to fire.

“Don’t be like that, Donghyuck. Trust me, I’m not here to take Renjun’s precious target away.”

Renjun struggles out of Donghyuck’s grip to properly turn behind, and he’s met with a cupid he’s familiar with; Jaemin, who has a cheshire-like grin on his face.

“What are you doing here?” he asks with caution. He places a hand on Donghyuck’s arm to get him to lower the pistol but Donghyuck doesn’t budge.

Jaemin’s infamous in the cupid circle for being a wildcard. Some days he would be a great cupid, staying in his lane and peacefully completing his matchmakings. Then on other days, he would be picking fights with everyone, going around and blowing up other cupids to take their targets, and in turn, gather more karma. The cupids don’t die, of course, but when they recover from their breakdown of wanting to be loved, they often hunt for Jaemin to get their stolen karma back, and the cycle continues. 

It’s why Renjun understands Donghyuck’s current aggression towards the other cupid. 

Jaemin clicks his tongue, all fake friendliness gone from his face in an instant. “Can you tell your guard dog to put down his pistol?” he says, directly to Renjun. “It’s kinda rude to have that pointed in my face when I’m trying to talk to you guys.”

Renjun rolls his eyes but still tugs at Donghyuck’s sleeve. 

“Do you have any weapons on you?” His partner asks. “No guns or grenades?”

Jaemin scoffs and reaches into his jacket pocket, pulling out his own pistol (decorated with pink and red hearts) and a small handheld grenade. He places it onto the table in front of him with force, and Renjun watches with worried eyes as the grenade almost rolls off the table.

“There,” Jaemin grumbles, holding his two hands in the air in a surrender motion. “You happy now?” 

A smile. “Very.” And Donghyuck finally retracts his arm, but he doesn’t put his pistol away just yet, still holding onto it just in case Jaemin does anything that sets off any alarms.

“Anyway, back to what I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted.” Jaemin hoists himself up onto the table, feet swinging in the air as he grabs Renjun’s Target Data Record folder open next to him. He hums as he flicks through the pages, and feeling uncomfortable with the prolonged silence from Jaemin, Renjun snatches it out of his hands. 

“Get to the point.”

“So mean, so mean,” Jaemin fake sobs, holding a hand to his chest. “Can’t I say hi to my favourite cupid?”

He makes grabby hands out towards Renjun as if he’s some kind of baby, but Donghyuck is fast to slap them away. “Either you explain what you’re doing here or I’m shooting you.”

Jaemin sticks a tongue out at Donghyuck and turns to Renjun. “Always so uptight, isn’t he?” he says as if Donghyuck isn’t standing right behind him. “I have no idea how you put up with him.”

Renjun doesn’t either. Well, he does, but he pushes those thoughts away. He can deal with them later (never).

“Seriously, Jaemin,” Renjun sighs, crossing his arms across his chest. “What do you want?”

The playfulness is gone just like that and Jaemin softly exhales, twisting his body in a certain way so he’s looking over at Jisung. He watches him for a second, then two, then three, before turning back to the duo, a soft smile on his face.

“I just wanted to see Jisung one last time before I leave.”

Two questions immediately cross Renjun’s mind. One, Jaemin knows Jisung? Two, what does he mean he’s leaving? Cupids can take breaks, sure, but they can’t just get up and leave. They’re forced to complete matchmakings until they gather enough karma to-

Oh.

Donghyuck comes to that conclusion faster than him, though. “You’re leaving?” he questions, there’s a slight shake in his voice. “As in, you’ve accumulated enough karma?” Jaemin nods. “How can you be so sure, though? We don't have an indicator or anything like that.”

“You kinda just know,” Jaemin answers. “I think I need to complete one more matchmaking before I’m done.” He clasps his hands together and holds it up to the side of his face, closing his eyes. “Oh, I’m so excited to be reborn~” he gushes. “I can’t wait to fall in love! I wonder who will be assigned to me when I’m ready to take the bullet through the heart~”

Okay, glad they’ve established that Jaemin is gonna be gone soon. Not sure if it’s worthy of a celebration, but that’s not the main point right now. Jaemin’s first part of his sentence still rings in Renjun’s head.

“You know Jisung?” he asks.

“Hm?” Jaemin wakes up from his daydream and hops off the table, pocketing his weapons once again. “Yeah! He was my best friend’s younger brother. I actually used to tutor him in Chemistry, I’m glad he still has that passion for it. He was really good at it.”

This is definitely something Renjun can work with. “Could you tell us a bit more about him? What was he like when you were still alive?”

A glint shines in Jaemin’s eyes. “Oh? And why should I help you, dear Renjun?” He points to the folder still tight in Renjun’s hand, that cheshire-like grin appearing once again. “Don’t think I didn't see the lack of information on those pages when I was flicking through them. It'd be a shame if someone else took your target, hm? I need an incentive. What’s in it for me?”

Renjun is this close to pulling out his pistol and shooting Jaemin right in the middle of his forehead, but as always, Donghyuck moves fast— almost as if they share the same mind.

“Ow, ow, ow!” Jaemin cries as the muzzle is pushed into his throat. 

“What’s in it for you is you not going out of action while I kick your ass,” Donghyuck bites as he flicks his wrist and shoots the wall behind Jaemin, missing him by a hair. Intentionally, of course. It’s meant to act as a warning shot. The building shakes just slightly and the students studying raise their heads, confused. Jisung has an unreadable expression on his face, and as if on cue, he leaves to go to one of his lectures (yes, Renjun has his schedule now memorised).

“Let’s not ruin an innocent campus ground,” Renjun says to Donghyuck just as he aims his pistol back at Jaemin, now pointed at his chest. “And Jaemin, I recommend you talk unless you want Donghyuck to take you out of commission for a while, which will mean you won’t be getting your karma anytime soon.”

Jaemin sniffs. “Cupids are always so rough,” he sighs. “Alright, alright. Put your pistol down, Donghyuck. I’ll talk— Don’t glare at me like that, you look ugly as hell.”

There has to be a way to kill a cupid. There is no way a cupid has not died yet, not with this guy still running around. And if there isn’t a known way to kill a cupid, then Renjun may just find one out today, because it really seems like Jaemin is making it his last wish in this life to make this day as hard as he possibly can for Renjun. 

“Smile, Donghyuck,” Renjun says through gritted teeth, and to his amusement, Donghyuck gives Jaemin a strained smile.

Jaemin, seemingly satisfied with that, steps back from the duo. “Hm, where do I even start?” he asks himself, doing a little twirl. “He was a good kid, pretty popular. Not very smart, but I’m sure he’s smart now since he’s here.” He waves a dismissive hand. “I think he took the death of his brother pretty hard, and I wanna my death too ‘cause I was basically his second brother.”

Renjun has never asked about Jaemin’s death, never finding the need to, alongside the fact that it is a pretty sensitive topic to all cupids, even himself. “Your friend…” He decides his next words carefully. “Is he a cupid too?”

Jaemin scoffs. “Nah. He had a girlfriend when we died so he didn’t get to experience the whole ‘never been loved in your lifetime’ thing. I wish he was, though. Things would be much easier. Do you know how hard it was for me when I woke up with wings and got told I died and my best friend, who died with me, got to go to Rebirth for free because he had a girlfriend while I have to accumulate karma?!” 

Renjun sends him a look.

“Sorry, a bit off topic.” Jaemin frowns, kicking the ugly, purple library carpet. His foot gets caught though, and he falters, almost falling. “Anyway.” He uses the side of the table to regain his composure, turning away, probably embarrassed by whatever just happened. “From what I’ve noticed from following him like a good older brother in the last year or so is that… he has the tendency to push people away once they come too close to him, emotionally. It probably earned him a bad rep among his peers so no one really wants to be friends with him, and he seems like he doesn’t mind being alone either.”

Well, now Renjun feels bad for calling him loner Jisung. 

“High school was rough for him. I’m hoping things get better from here on out,” Jaemin says, voice heavy. “And that’s it!” He returns to his hyperactive self, doing a small salute action. “That’s all I have! Please make sure to give him a cute significant other~” And he suddenly leaps towards Renjun. Renjun doesn’t react fast enough to sidestep the incoming attack, so all he can do is hold out his arms in an attempt to catch Jaemin so both of them don’t end up tumbling into the ground (not that Donghyuck will let him, though).

Renjun feels Jaemin wrap his arms around his neck, bringing his face down close to his. “Take care of Jisung for me,” he whispers into his ear, and Renjun can hear a hint of a smile in his voice.

A gunshot goes off and Jaemin is immediately detached from Renjun, collapsing to the ground. “Ah!” he cries, banging his fist on the carpet and rolling around like a child throwing a tantrum. “I hate doing matchmakings!” he sobs, ripping at his hair. “Why doesn’t anyone love me?!”

Renjun whirls to face Donghyuck. “Why did you shoot him?!”

“Sorry,” Donghyuck apologises, but he doesn’t sound sorry at all. He spins his pistol around his index finger and then shoots Jaemin again just for good measure. “He ran into you all of a sudden,” he explains with a sigh when Renjun pouts at him. “What if he had a grenade on him and was gonna take you out? Suicidal-bomber style.”

Renjun shakes his head, albeit a fond smile finding its way onto his face as he watches Jaemin curl into a ball. “I doubt it,” he says. “Should we leave him?”

Donghyuck grabs Renjun’s hand and steps over Jaemin. He could have just walked around him, but probably wanted to assert dominance over him in some weird way. Renjun, like a normal person, takes a step around. 

“Let’s leave him,” Donghyuck tells him with quickened steps. “Who knows how long it’ll take for the bullets to wear off on him. He could be a monster and he’s back on his feet in a few seconds for all I know.” 

Renjun laughs and they hurry out of the library, burning at the places where Donghyuck’s skin meets his. He doesn’t let go, not even when they’re standing in front of the door of their house.

He wonders if Donghyuck knows what love feels like.

Donghyuck is already sitting crossed-leg on his bed when Renjun finishes washing up, his slightly wet hair still dripping onto his clothes as he hurries to grab a small towel in his closet to dry it up.

He doesn’t say anything, which is unlike him. Most of the time, he would make some remark about how it’s not good for Renjun to keep his hair wet and to dry it immediately, or he’d nag at Renjun for keeping the humidifier on when they were out for the day. And then Renjun would laugh and tell him to shut up, and Donghyuck would drag him down by the arm and onto the bed, and then that’s how they’d fall asleep, with Renjun safely in Donghyuck’s arms.

But that doesn’t happen today, Donghyuck seems distracted.

“What’s on your mind?” Renjun asks, sitting down next to him and pulling the blanket up to his chest. “It’s unlike you to be so quiet, are you feeling sick?” He places a hand onto Donghyuck’s forehead, but he feels fine- temperature wise. 

Donghyuck leans into his touch.

“It’s nothing,” he mumbles. “Just thinking about Jaemin.”

Renjun smiles and squishes Donghyuck’s cheek with his fingers. “Should I be jealous you’re thinking of him at this time in the evening?”

Donghyuck pulls away and Renjun ignores the feeling in his chest. “No.” Donghyuck shakes his head. “I don’t know how to explain it.” He looks away.

“Take your time.”

“I just… We all know that once we accumulate enough karma, we can be reborn.” Renjun nods at that. “But for as long as I’ve been a cupid, I’ve never met anyone who has accumulated enough to be reborn. And at some point, I think I just accepted that it was just a lie told by the Goddess to get us to do the dirty work for her,” he laughs, but it comes out empty. He rests his head on Renjun’s shoulder. “So it’s weird to know that it’s real, I guess.”

Renjun has never thought about it like that. He’s always believed the whole karma accumulation thing and assumed that he just needs a lot of karma, but he understands Donghyuck’s view on the whole thing. Donghyuck has been a cupid for much longer than him, he was actually there the first time he woke up and was one of the first ones to explain the whole cupid job to him, and to be stuck doing this job with the promise of getting a reward no one has actually seemed to get- well, Renjun doesn’t blame Donghyuck for feeling that way.

“Maybe Jaemin’s instincts are wrong,” Renjun hums, bringing a hand up to brush through Donghyuck’s hair. “Who knows? Maybe we’ll see him around next month and we can laugh at him.”

Donghyuck’s hair is different from other cupids. Whilst others, and himself, have white hair- with a few streaks of red in some cases, Donghyuck’s is the opposite; with blood red hair and a few streaks of white running through it. It’s a trait unique to him, and the other cupids like to gossip about it. They’ve both heard it all, and Donghyuck has gotten used to it. Or, at least Renjun hopes so, he hasn’t talked about wanting to dye his hair in a while now. But Renjun likes it, he likes the red. It makes it easy to spot Donghyuck in a crowd. It makes it easy to find him. 

“I don’t think so,” Donghyuck says. “Jaemin’s weird like that. Feels like everything he says is right.”

Renjun hums in response to that, but doesn’t say anything more.

A second too long passes, and it’s as if Donghyuck had hesitated to say something.

“Take your time,” Renjun repeats softly, feeling him shift on his shoulder. 

“I’m just curious,” Donghyuck finally says, voice barely above a whisper. “What are you gonna do when you get reborn?”

He talks as if they have a choice in their actions once they get reborn. There’s no doubt that their memories of once being a cupid will be erased, it’ll just be like starting anew- a clean slate. But there are things Renjun thinks about sometimes before he goes to bed after finishing a matchmaking.

He thinks about it carefully. “I want to be happy,” Renjun decides. “I wasn’t very happy when I was alive, and I think that played a big part in why I ended up here. I want to experience the things I couldn’t or didn’t get to experience. Like traveling overseas with friends or pulling an all-nighter to study for an exam I didn’t prepare for.”

A light chuckle comes from beside him. “Those are two extremely different things.”

“Didn’t get to experience either when I was alive.”

Donghyuck doesn’t say anything in response and instead plays with Renjun’s fingers. He laces them together and brings them close to his face, planting a small kiss on Renjun’s hand. “What about falling in love?” he asks, lifting his head and now looking Renjun in the eyes. “Is that on your bucket list once you get reborn?”

If Donghyuck sees Renjun’s face turn a shade of bright red, he doesn’t comment on it. “Of course!” Renjun manages to let out. “That’s like on every cupid’s bucket list! Yours too, right?”

The silence that hangs between them shouldn’t send this feeling of dread running through Renjun’s body, but it does.

“Right?” he asks again, with furrowed brows as Donghyuck’s hold on his hand becomes tighter.

“I…” Donghyuck’s eyes don't meet his anymore. “I don’t think I want to be reborn,” he says slowly, and by the end of the sentence, his words come out as a whisper.

Renjun stills at that confession. “What?”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a bit and I-”

“You’re kidding me!” Renjun pulls his hand away from Donghyuck and he chases it, but Renjun pushes him back. It’s then that Donghyuck finally looks at him, and Renjun sees the hurt flash through his eyes. “There’s no way… What do you mean you’ve been thinking about it?”

“It means what it means,” Donghyuck says, as if that’s helpful in any way.

“No.” Renjun shakes his head and moves to the edge of the bed, as far as he possibly could from Donghyuck. “How long? Why?!”

“I told you, Renjun. I accepted that there was no possibility of being reborn.”

Suddenly, it all makes sense. Why Donghyuck hasn’t been accepting any new matchmakings recently, why all he’s been doing is accompanying Renjun around. This way, he wouldn’t be able to accumulate karma, and without accumulating karma, he can’t be reborn. “But there is the possibility now,” Renjun argues. “We know that.”

Donghyuck brings a hand up to his face and exhales sharply, as if explaining his thoughts to Renjun is troublesome. “I know, Renjun. That doesn’t matter, though. Why do you care so much if I don’t want to be reborn?!”

Because I want to be reborn with you, Renjun wants to yell at him. Because I realised that loving you is second nature. I want to fall in love when I’m human again, but if you’re not there, just who will I fall in love with? If it’s not you, then who will it be?

Renjun does not yell at him. He doesn’t say anything, those words would mean nothing to Donghyuck. Cupids can’t fall in love. He would look at him with disgust in his eyes, knowing now Renjun is wrong, and that hurts more than anything. 

But Donghyuck is looking at him, waiting for him to say something— anything, and Renjun can’t stop the next words from tumbling out of his mouth.“Ever since Mark you’ve been acting weird!” 

Donghyuck flinches, at the words or at the tone of his voice, Renjun isn’t sure, but he flinches back as if he had gotten burnt, and the next thing Renjun knows- Donghyuck is grabbing his pillow and getting off the bed.

“You’re leaving,” Renjun says, unsure if what he’s feeling right now is anger. “You’re really going to leave?”

“You know I don’t like it when you bring up Mark,” Donghyuck snaps back, his wings beginning to twitch. The light that floods into the room when he opens the door blinds Renjun for a split second. “We’ll talk tomorrow when you’ve calmed down.”

“I am calm! You’re the one walking away!” And as if Renjun didn’t hear Donghyuck’s first part of his sentence, he adds on; “It has to do with Mark, doesn’t it? What? You fell in love with him? Cupids can’t fall in love! We both know that.”

That has Donghyuck turning around. There’s an unreadable expression on his face. “Have you ever thought that maybe that’s a lie?”

“Not being able to fall in love?” Renjun raises his voice, and the way it shakes is much more noticeable. It’s beginning to piss him off- the way Donghyuck is acting right now. “It’s not a lie! That’s what our Goddess said, and she didn’t lie about being reborn!”

He’s lying. It is a lie. 

Donghyuck purses his lips, as if he wants to say something- but he never does. Instead, he closes his eyes and inhales deeply. Three seconds pass and he exhales again. Renjun is familiar with this, it’s a way for Donghyuck to calm himself down when he knows he’s going to lash out at whatever he’s upset at. He’s seen him do this towards other cupids and troublesome matchmakings, but never him. To know that this time, he’s on the receiving end of it makes Renjun feel sick.

“You really believe it, huh?” Donghyuck finally says, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head. “Unbelievable.” He doesn’t wait to hear what Renjun has to say and leaves to his own room, closing the door behind him.

Now sitting alone in the darkness of his room, Renjun begins to shake. It wasn’t meant to end this way. They were meant to talk things out and solve whatever’s on their minds. Donghyuck wasn’t meant to walk out without looking back, and Renjun wasn’t meant to just let him.

They’re not going to talk tomorrow, it doesn’t matter if Donghyuck had said it. Renjun knows them both enough to know that they both like avoiding confrontation. With how that fight just ended, Renjun would be surprised to even see him tomorrow.

He doesn’t sleep that night. Donghyuck’s pacing in the living room is not loud enough to bother him, but he strains his ears to listen, hoping that Donghyuck would enter his room at some point in the night and they could just sleep it off.

The secret distance between the two of them doesn't close at all throughout the night. Instead, it seems to only grow bigger.

Everything seems to be going wrong the following morning. He doesn’t wake up to Donghyuck next to him (Donghyuck wasn’t even in the house when Renjun quietly checked), he burnt the last piece of bread they had, he almost missed the bus, and now that he’s again in the dreaded lecture hall; there’s a random guy sitting next to Jisung, where he’s meant to be. 

He hears the boy before he even sees him. The lecture hall is quiet mostly, but there’s a laugh that erupts from the row that Jisung is sitting in, and Renjun knows that it cannot be Jisung. Then, he sees a flurry of motion from the other head next to Jisung, as if whoever the owner of it cannot keep still. The curiosity within him almost bursts as he walks down the stairs to the row, wondering if this could possibly be the answer to this matchmaking.

“Oh! Renjun! Hi!” Jisung greets him once Renjun sits down on his right. “Rough morning?” He points to Renjun’s hair and wrinkled clothes.

Renjun hurries to smoothen everything out. “Kinda,” he answers quietly. “Who’s that?”

The boy next to Jisung smiles and gives him a little wave. “My name’s Chenle! I’m in Jisung’s tutorial class.”

A nod. “Nice to meet you, Chenle. I’m Renjun.”

Silence hangs between them before Jisung speaks up. “Did you bring a laptop today? You’re gonna need it for your tutorial later.”

Renjun slows as he brings out his (actual) notebook from his bag. “Laptop?” he hums. He doesn’t need to bring anything, he’s not in any tutorial. “No, I forgot it.” He holds a hand up to his face, feigning frustration.

Jisung furrows his brows. “I texted Donghyuck to remind you this morning. He didn’t tell you?”

Renjun stills at that, and it must have been noticeable enough because Jisung quickly adds on; “Maybe he forgot!” he chuckles awkwardly. “Actually, now that I think about it, he didn’t even open my DM. He probably didn’t know either.”

Donghyuck has notifications on for almost every app on his phone. He can’t have missed it.

“Yeah, he was pretty busy this morning,” Renjun lies, an attempt to reassure Jisung. “He probably didn’t have time to sit down and properly look through his phone.”

Jisung lets out an audible sigh and Renjun is pretty surprised at how much Jisung has become comfortable with him in the span of a week. He knows that Jisung and Donghyuck had chatted a bit over the last few days, with Donghyuck shoving memes that Jisung had sent him in his face whenever they were free. Donghyuck must have said something about him for Jisung to be so at ease so quickly.

“Renjun, what time’s your tutorial?” Chenle pipes up from behind Jisung.

Renjun has never had a matchmaking that required so many lies on top of lies that he almost feels uncomfortable by how much he’s faked everything to Jisung, but the fact that he won’t remember any of this soon enough brings a sense of comfort to Renjun.

“Mine’s at three,” Renjun makes up on the spot. Hopefully Chenle doesn’t have all the tutorial classes memorized and sees right through him. “It’s like, right after the lecture.”

“Oh! Easy!” Chenle pulls out his laptop and holds it out to Renjun. “You can take mine to borrow for today! I have another class at five so I’ll still be on campus once you’re done! You can give it back later!” 

Renjun accepts it with careful fingers. “Are you sure?” he asks. He really doesn’t want to carry a laptop around for an hour. “Letting a stranger borrow your laptop is quite…”

“It’s fine!” Chenle says, dismissively. “You’re a friend of Jisung’s, so I trust you! The password is Daegal2001. Daegal's my dog’s name. She’s also my wallpaper! She’s super cute.”

Jisung nods in agreement. “She’s really cute.”

Well, Renjun has always hoped that the world would be a kinder place. The monkey’s paw curled right in front of him. “Thanks,” he mumbles out. “Where can I find you later?”

“I’ll come to you!” Chenle replies. “You’re in the building where all the Chem tutorials take place, right? Just stand outside and I’ll come pick you up.”

Renjun doesn’t actually know where the Chemistry tutorials take place, but surely it’ll be on the internet somewhere, right? “Okay,” Renjun says slowly, “What are you gonna do in the hour I’m borrowing it, though? Don’t you have assignments?”

“Jisung and I were planning on getting a late lunch together, so I wasn’t gonna be doing my assignments anyway.”     

Something must have shown on Renjun’s face, because Jisung pipes up. “We were gonna invite you, but you have your tutorial. Actually, what days are you on campus? If our schedules line up, maybe we could organize a lunch outing. We can invite Donghyuck too.”

Renjun isn’t too fond of hanging out with his targets unless absolutely necessary, but he needs to get out of the house right now, anyway. “Sure,” Renjun nods, biting his inner cheek. He hopes that the sound of his voice isn’t too quiet. “That would be nice. I’m on campus every day.”

Chenle whistles. “Every day is crazy. Then we could do Friday afternoons, if you’re free?”

“I’ll be free.”

“Perfect! It’s a date then!” Chenle fishes his phone out of his pocket and hands it over to Renjun. “Gimme your number! I’ll make a group chat.”

“Chenle, Renjun doesn’t use social media,” Jisung tells him, but Renjun takes the phone anyway and inputs his phone number in the blank contacts page.

“I still have a phone number,” Renjun smiles as he hands the phone back to the owner. He holds his hand out and Jisung catches on quickly, placing his own phone in Renjun’s open palm. “I don’t normally give my phone number out to people I just meet but Chenle’s trusting me with his laptop so it’s the least I can do.”

“Oh, cool,” Jisung says. “I can stop texting Donghyuck then.”

Renjun purses his lips. “You still can. I get the feeling he likes talking to you.”

Jisung shrugs at that and before either of them could say anything else, the lecturer begins with his opening, and all three turn to their respective note-taking devices. But Renjun isn’t here to take notes on the slides. Instead, he’s here to take notes on something else entirely, so Renjun doesn’t miss the nudges and whispers and hidden smiles Chenle and Jisung exchange to each other throughout the entire lecture.

Donghyuck isn't home when Renjun returns.

He had texted Donghyuck earlier, but his message is left unopened. To say that it’s unlike Donghyuck to be missing at random times throughout the day would be wrong, but it is unlike him to not give Renjun a heads up or anything of the sort, even if they’re fighting. 

He sends another text to Donghyuck right before he goes to bed; 

I brought home some Chinese food, yours is in the fridge.
Get home safe.
Let’s talk tomorrow?

He wakes up to a small read under his message, with the Chinese takeout in the fridge untouched, and no sign that Donghyuck had ever come home.

“Renjun, what are you getting?”

The male in question flips over the menu one last time, before sliding it across over to Jisung. “I think the katsu curry looks nice,” he says and Chenle nods excitedly in response.

They’re sitting in a corner in a small Japanese cafe just outside of the campus grounds. Allegedly, this is one of the best places for a quick lunch and it’s one of Chenle’s favourites. The prices are not that bad either for what you get, but that doesn’t matter much to Renjun, Chenle probably mentioned it because Jisung was looking a bit hesitant when Chenle suggested the place.

Jisung’s still staring at the menu and it almost seems like he’s in pain trying to decide what he wants. Chenle, sitting next to him, must have caught onto it. “Jisung, don’t worry about the price. I’ll cover for you, okay?”

“Are you sure?” Jisung asks. “I don’t want to…”

“It’s fine! Just choose what you want.” He nudges Jisung in the ribs. “C’mon, don’t give me that look. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Yeah,” Jisung mumbles as he points to an item on the menu. “Let me pay you back next week, though,” he quickly adds as Chenle leaves his side to go up to the counter, to which Chenle shakes his head. Then he casts a look towards Renjun and tilts his head, as if asking him to accompany him. 

Renjun follows him up to the counter, and they both recite their orders to the worker, then Chenle leads him to a small table against the wall; a self-service water and cutlery station. 

“You and Jisung seem pretty close,” Renjun says as Chenle hands him two paper cups. He holds them still, one in each hand, and Chenle grabs a water jug and one more cup. He glances up at Renjun, as if surprised at those words.

“I guess,” Chenle laughs, as he begins walking back to their table. “We just met, though.”

“I’m just surprised, that’s all,” Renjun tells him.

“What’s so surprising about that?” Chenle asks as they return to their table. Jisung looks up from his phone and gives them a look; curious to what they had been discussing just seconds before.

“It’s nothing,” Chenle says, understanding the look Jisung gives him, and ruffles the taller boy’s hair, before sitting down. “Renjun was just asking about how we met, that’s all.”

“And what did you tell him?” Jisung peers over at Renjun, observing him with watchful eyes.

“That we literally just met,” Chenle explains as he pours them each a cup of water. “I was still away on a family thing in the first two weeks, so I missed out on those classes, and you know how most tables kind of already have an established group by the third week?” Renjun notices that Chenle uses his hands a lot when he talks. “Yeah, most of the tables were all occupied and it felt awkward to sit at one where there was already an obvious group. But then I look over to the back right and I see Jisung and another guy sitting at a table, not talking to each other, and I thought ‘Perfect!’ and so I sat next to Jisung and we clicked!”

A filled cup gets pushed in front of Renjun and he takes it and gives it a little swirl, watching the water ripple. “I just thought it was interesting how close you two seem to be. I thought you guys were like friends from highschool or something when I first met Chenle,” Renjun expresses. He doesn’t miss the look on Jisung’s face that’s almost gone in a second.

“Honestly, I’m quite surprised too,” Jisung admits. “I don’t really click well with a lot of people, truth be told, but I’m glad it was Chenle.”

Chenle lets out a squeal and latches onto Jisung’s arm. “That’s the sweetest thing you’ve said since I’ve met you!”

“Shut up.” Jisung rolls his eyes, but it’s obvious that there’s no real malice behind it. He doesn’t move to shove Chenle off either. In a weird way, it sort of reminds Renjun of himself and Donghyuck, the push and pull dynamic they have. 

Even now, sitting here in front of his target and a potential love interest, Renjun is still thinking about Donghyuck. Worried about where he is, what he’s doing, where he has been the last few nights. Renjun, who’s known to take his job more seriously than anything, can’t help but be distracted when his partner is no longer beside him. Where is Donghyuck? And why doesn’t he want to come home?

Chenle says something that pulls Renjun out of his thoughts. 

He blinks, recollecting himself slowly, before muttering a small; “Sorry?” with an apologetic look towards the boy who had just directed a question at him.

“I asked if you wanted to go to a party with us,” Chenle repeats, still on Jisung’s arm. He didn't seem too bothered at Renjun not being entirely all-there today. Jisung, on the other hand, seems to be suspecting something with the way he keeps glancing over at Renjun. He could only pray that the younger boy doesn’t ask about it, preferably ever, but if he does decide to be nosy, he hopes that he doesn’t ask with Chenle around. 

“I’m dragging Jisung out next week with a few other people I met during orientation,” Chenle explains when Renjun doesn’t give him an immediate reply. He adds on in a hushed tone; “Because he needs to meet new people—” Jisung tears his arm away from Chenle and uses this opportunity to jab him in the ribs. “Ow! It’s true!” Chenle exclaims, slapping at Jisung’s hand, before turning back to Renjun. “Would you like to come? It’s all good if not, though! I understand that partying isn’t for everyone.”

Renjun’s fingers curl around the cup. He had hoped that he would finish this matchmaking by next week at the latest. He’s already dragged it on for far too long, and the whole thing with Donghyuck happening in the background doesn’t help in the slightest. He’s constantly distracted and wants to go looking for him, but he can’t because he’s stuck playing cupid for Jisung. 

“I’ll have to pass,” Renjun tells Chenle with a shake of his head. “Partying isn’t really my cup of tea. Loud noises are a bit…” He trails off and does a hand motion, hoping that the excuse is believable enough for Chenle.

“That’s okay,” Chenle says. “Thought I’d ask, but the invite is always open if you change your mind!”

Their conversation gets cut short by the waitress placing their plates of food down on their table. Chenle immediately digs in, but Jisung is patient, and looks over at Renjun first- a silent, knowing exchange between them before Jisung turns away at the sound of Chenle choking.

hey renjun, i hope this isn’t
too weird or anything, and i
know we haven’t known each other for long,
but if there’s anything troubling you,
you can always reach out to me :)

Thank you, Jisung.

The door is unlocked when Renjun gets home. It’s slightly ajar, and from the outside, it seems like the lights aren't turned on. It can’t have been Renjun. Renjun may have been slightly out of it the entire day, but that doesn’t mean he’ll forget to lock the door. It can’t be any other cupid either, because no one except for Donghyuck and him have the keys to the place, and if a cupid really wanted to barge into their house, they wouldn’t do it through the front door.

Mortals are completely out of the picture as the Goddess of Love had graciously offered a spell that disguises their house as a construction site, so there’s no way their house had been broken into just for the sake of it.

That only leaves Donghyuck, but in all honesty, Renjun doesn’t have high hopes that he’s the one wandering around in their house right now. Donghyuck avoiding him aside, between the two of them- he’s the one who’s more paranoid about other cupids suddenly appearing with a weapon in hand. There’s no way he’d leave the door open by accident. Renjun is almost fully expecting Jaemin to be waiting for him in the dark, weapons out and ready to shoot as revenge for that day in the library. 

Renjun steps inside, and stills upon hearing sniffing from the living room. Is someone crying in his house? There’s a figure sitting on his couch in a rolled up ball position. Both growing increasingly concerned and worried about whatever scene will present itself in front of him, Renjun flicks on the lightswitch next to the door without a second thought.

The figure on his couch jolts back at the sudden bright lights and Renjun is met face to face with a tear-stained faced Donghyuck. Neither of them move for a second, Renjun- because his brain hasn’t exactly comprehended the sight in front of him yet (Donghyuck’s back! But he’s crying?), and Donghyuck probably because he hadn’t expected Renjun to come home so early after he had texted him he would be going out with Jisung and another friend this afternoon.

Donghyuck comes to his senses first before Renjun does, and quickly swipes at his face, wiping his tears away. At the same time, too many thoughts are running through Renjun’s head, but he doesn’t have time to sort through them and so the biggest question comes tumbling past his lips. 

“Why are you crying?”

Donghyuck looks back up at Renjun, and immediately bursts into tears again with such viciousness that it almost scares him. He places his bag down by their door and slowly walks over to Donghyuck, sitting down next to him on the couch and only scooting closer when Donghyuck doesn’t say or do anything that objects to the action.

Renjun waits silently, ignoring the wave of panic washing over him as Donghyuck tries to steady his breathing. He doesn’t touch him, knowing that Donghyuck doesn’t like being touched in stressful situations. He sits and waits, and watches Donghyuck with worried eyes. All he does is offer him some spare tissues that were conveniently in his jacket pocket and Donghyuck takes them with a shaky hand.

“Are these used?” he asks quietly, voice hoarse.

“Nope,” Renjun replies with a shake of his head. “I grabbed extra at the restaurant just in case I needed it on the ride home.”

Donghyuck turns away and blows his nose. “Thanks.”

He sounds like he’d break out into tears at any moment again, and it’s then that it clicks for Renjun. Donghyuck isn’t exactly a crier— he gets angry, he isolates, but he doesn’t cry. Especially not in front of other people, so he would most definitely not be sitting on the couch waiting for Renjun to find him if he was in the right state of mind.

“Hey,” Renjun begins. Donghyuck throws his used tissue onto the coffee table in front of them and buries his face into his hands, almost as if he knows what Renjun will ask about next. “Did you get into a fight?”

There’s no point in hiding it anymore, not when it’s so glaringly obvious, and Donghyuck knows that so he mumbles out a weak “Yes,” and breaks out into a loud sob once again. 

But why? That’s what Renjun doesn’t understand. Donghyuck had so firmly said that he isn’t looking to acquire karma anymore, so why is he getting into fights with other cupids? His first thought had been Jaemin, but he knows that if Donghyuck was on the defensive, he’d be able to make it out unscathed. Not only that, but Donghyuck hasn’t accepted any matchmakings in a while, so no one would be going up to him and picking a fight for no reason. Which means Donghyuck had been the one attacking another cupid- to take over a matchmaking, for additional karma.

But it doesn’t make sense. And out of all things, he had to get hit by a grenade too. Bullets are one thing, they temporarily shut you down for a few minutes, but a grenade can leave effects lasting for a few days if you’re unlucky. Donghyuck must have gotten hit by a grenade to make it back home still in tears, and who knows how long he had been crying in the dark for?

Donghyuck turns to him, eyes shining with tears, and manages to let out; “It hurts so much,” in between sobs. 

Renjun hesitates, but he wraps his arms around Donghyuck in the end, rubbing circles on his back in an attempt to calm him down. Donghyuck’s body relaxes in his hold, but he’s still shaking, struggling to keep his sobs down. 

“What hurts, Donghyuck?” Renjun asks softly, holding onto Donghyuck’s shoulders tight. Even though they’ve both been shot by bullets before and had their respective ‘I want to be loved’ breakdowns, Renjun has never seen one this strong before. He can’t help but wonder if it’s the grenade, or something that runs deeper.

“Everything,” Donghyuck breathes out. “My head, my chest, my heart… Everything hurts and I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s okay,” Renjun says weakly. “It’ll be over soon. Let’s just get you to bed, alright? You need to rest.” He pulls away from Donghyuck, but Donghyuck’s grip on his arm tightens. 

“No,” Donghyuck mutters, shaking his head. He’s still looking down so Renjun can’t see his expression. “No, I can’t. It won’t go away.”

Renjun’s growing more and more worried by the minute. He’s never seen Donghyuck act like this before. “Okay,” he says slowly. “What do you want me to do?”

Donghyuck tugs at his sleeve and he falls back into Renjun’s chest. “Stay,” he tells him, voice slightly muffled against Renjun’s chest. “I’ll tell you everything, but please, just stay for a bit.”

Who is Renjun to refute a request like that? So he makes himself as comfortable as he can with another person leaning against him, hands occasionally brushing through Donghyuck’s hair to help relax the latter. Renjun doesn’t know how long they sit there, so intertwined that he has no idea where he ends, and Donghyuck begins. But by some point, Donghyuck’s sobs quieted down, and his nose was no longer running. His breathing had returned to normal and his entire body was no longer tense. 

“You’re okay now?” Renjun asks as Donghyuck detaches himself from him.

A nod, before Donghyuck lets out a heavy exhale, leaning back onto the couch. Now that he’s no longer a sobbing mess, he’s returned to his normal antics. At least that gives Renjun permission to be angry now, for everything Donghyuck has been doing (or to be exact; what he has not been doing) and he’s going to stand his ground and not falter just because Donghyuck had been attacked by a cupid and was crying his eyes out for the last hour or so.

“That’s great,” Renjun starts, crossing his arms across his chest. “Now can you explain why exactly you were in a fight?”

Donghyuck glances over to him, eyes still red, and opens his mouth to say something but Renjun cuts him off.

“I have more questions and we’ll go through them one by one,” he says firmly. “Don’t even think about trying to get out of this or lying. We’re gonna talk about it, and we’re gonna do it now. You also said you’d talk about it just then.”

A low hum. “I’m tired, though,” Donghyuck pouts. “I just cried a lot. I need rest. I wasn’t in the right state of mind” 

“You can rest if you finish this quickly. It’s up to you.” 

Donghyuck stares at him for a second too long before immediately turning away. “Fine,” he grumbles. It almost surprises Renjun how easily he gave in. It’s normal for a small push and pull when it comes to agreements. “Why did I get into a fight? I mean, why else would cupids get into fights? I wanted to take someone else’s matchmaking.”

“Why? I thought you didn’t want to be reborn. Why would you do that?”

“Ah.” Donghyuck holds a finger up and wags it in front of Renjun’s face. “That’s two questions. It’s my turn to ask.”

Renjun slaps his hand away. “Shut up. We’re not playing 20 questions here. Answer me.”

Donghyuck shrugs but he stays silent, and a bundle of annoyance in Renjun’s chest begins to fester. “Fine, ignore me. We’ll move on.” He doubts that the next question Donghyuck will be able to answer, but he still asks it anyway. “Why was your reaction so strong? You’ve been hit by bullets before, but it’s never been that bad. And it can’t be the grenade, right? We’ve seen cupids get hit by grenades and it’s basically the same reaction as a bullet, but it just lasts a little longer. Why did you seem so… in pain?”

If Donghyuck had hit him with a “I don’t know”, Renjun would have let him off the hook, because how would he know if Renjun doesn’t. But for a split second, a look of uncertainty and doubt flashes through Donghyuck’s eyes, and if Renjun didn’t know better, he would have mistook it for tiredness. Unfortunately, Renjun has spent the last five years with him, and he hates to admit it, but he knows Donghyuck like the back of his hand. 

“You know something,” Renjun accuses, sitting up straight. “What do you know?”

“It’s nothing.” Donghyuck rubs at his eyes. “It probably affected me more because I’m so tired. Like I said, I think I really need to rest.”

Frustration is all Renjun can feel right now. Donghyuck’s tired? He’s tired. Renjun has spent the last few days stressing over where Donghyuck has been, and the one day he decides to go out, he comes back home with Donghyuck having a breakdown on his couch. And then, after not speaking for days, the first thing Donghyuck does is dodge all his questions when it’s obvious that he has been keeping something from him. 

Renjun doesn’t like crying, and having them both cry within a ten minute time frame is just embarrassing, but Renjun can’t help it. Everything has been going wrong lately; his matchmaking, his feelings, now his relationship with Donghyuck, everything feels like it’s spiraling out of control and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. 

“You’re such a jerk!” Renjun cries, punching Donghyuck on the arm. “You’ve been ignoring me for days and then you come back making stupid jokes when I’m trying to have a serious talk! And then you don’t say anything when you come home in tears after making some stupid decision!”

“Renjun…” Donghyuck reaches his hand out in an attempt to grab onto Renjun’s wrist, but he flinches back before Donghyuck could even touch him.

“Do you not trust me anymore?” Renjun’s voice breaks with the amount of emotion that flows through it. Everything is slipping through the cracks in his heart and he can’t find the energy to pull it back together anymore. It breaks, it breaks and suddenly Renjun is crumbling.

“Nothing makes sense anymore! You’re acting all weird and I—” His vision blurs and his head hurts. It’s pounding. Everything is so loud. Donghyuck is trying to say something. “I’m all messed up too!”

Donghyuck is saying something but none of it reaches Renjun’s ears. It almost sounds like he’s underwater. Donghyuck’s voice is muffled and so far away. He can’t feel his hands. All he hears is the loud beating of a heart in his chest. Thump-thump-thump. It wants to be let out. 

“-jun. Renjun!” Donghyuck’s voice finally breaks the barrier and it’s as if time had stopped. “Breathe.”

Renjun focuses on his hands. His mind is blank but he needs something to pull him back. He needs to cut his nails, they’re getting a bit too long for his liking. He should probably get back to routinely using moisturizer on his hands. He’s been lazy with his skincare recently. Immortal or not, it’s nice to have soft skin. He needs to get back into it. 

His breathing steadies and he glances up to see Donghyuck looking back at him, face painted with worry.

Renjun averts his eyes. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” Donghyuck says, but there’s a slight hesitancy in his voice. There’s still a small distance between them (no doubt through the fault of Renjun), so he scoots a little closer to Donghyuck. He needs the physical reassurance that Donghyuck doesn’t want to leave him and his partner knows him well enough to catch on quick, but of course Donghyuck is still a little shit, so he brushes back Renjun’s bangs, exposing his forehead and giving it a rough flick.

“Ow!” Renjun’s hands fly up immediately and he glares at Donghyuck, though he doubts he looks particularly intimidating with his red face and teary eyes. Donghyuck shrugs, pulling a face, and Renjun can’t help but let out a soft chuckle. His chest becomes lighter with each shake of his head and he almost misses Donghyuck’s hand finding its place in his. 

“I’m sorry for worrying you,” Donghyuck apologises, giving Renjun’s hand a little squeeze. “I needed to clear my head and think for a bit, but I know that isn’t an excuse for ignoring you. Still, I’m sorry.”

Renjun nods, but he doesn’t say anything more.

“I’ll tell you everything, it’s only fair,” Donghyuck continues, sharply exhaling through his nose. “Just promise that everything will be okay between us afterwards and that you won’t tell anyone about this.”

Another nod from Renjun. He trusts Donghyuck, no matter where he will be in this life or the next, he will always trust him. Nothing will ever change that.

“Promise you won’t get mad as well?”

“Why would I get mad?” Renjun asks, waveringly.

Donghyuck gives him a tight smile, and Renjun can tell that he’s not completely there. He’s nervous about something, whether that is what he’s about to tell Renjun, or Renjun’s reaction to it, he isn’t sure. He folds his wings in, making him appear smaller than he actually is. 

“You never know. You get mad over the silliest of things.”

“I do not!” Renjun lightly pushes Donghyuck’s shoulder and Donghyuck falls, dramatically, onto the hand rest of the couch.  

He doesn’t get up. He lays there, an arm brought up to cover his eyes from their blinding light above. Renjun lets him. It’s probably better this way. Donghyuck’s worried about Renjun’s reaction, and if it brings him any comfort not seeing his face when he tells him what’s on his mind, Renjun will allow him.

He waits, just like he always does, patiently. He sniffs.

“I didn’t expect myself to grow so attached to Mark,” Donghyuck begins and Renjun feels his heart drop. He had known that Mark would play a role in this somehow, but he didn’t expect him to be of such an importance in whatever Donghyuck is about to tell him.  

“It was strange. I don’t think I even knew how attached I was during matchmaking, but when it was all over and he had to forget about me, reality hit. I’ve been a cupid for so long, yet Mark was the first mortal I made a connection with. When everything ended, I couldn’t help but think to myself that it had all been a waste, but it wasn’t; I helped him find his lover in this lifetime because I had grown so close to him, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. How everything I did was a waste, because I couldn’t spend forever with him.” His voice quivers. “I think it was then I truly thought of myself as selfish.

“Mark thought of me as a brother. He would always say things like ‘You’re like the brother I never had’ or ‘It’s like you're my platonic soulmate’, and I know he truly meant it. Even now I don’t think I’ve met anyone who was just on the exact same wavelength as me.” He pauses for a second, as if thinking over his next words carefully. “Cupids aren’t supposed to fall in love, but I think I did when I met Mark.”

Renjun’s breath hitches. He should tell Donghyuck that he’s the same, that he knows how to love too, but he can’t- he shouldn’t. How could he tell Donghyuck that he loves him, when he’s telling him about his feelings towards Mark? It’s not fair, it’s not the right time, so Renjun keeps silent.

“I fell in love with Mark…” Donghyuck trails off. “Or I thought.” He ends his sentence with a mix of a chuckle and a scoff, as if he’s telling some sort of joke. Renjun wants to tell him to take this seriously. “You can’t blame me, though.” Donghyuck pouts, as if sensing Renjun’s whirlwind of emotions. “I don’t know what love is. I’ve never experienced it.” He slowly props himself up on his elbows, now facing his partner with a strained smile on his face. “I mean, that’s why we’re here, right? We’re cupids because we never experienced love when we were alive.”

“Right.” It’s a regretful thing, but it’s how they became cupids. It’s how Renjun met Donghyuck. In the end, he can’t be too mad about the whole thing.

“I confused platonic love and romantic love,” Donghyuck continues. “The way I felt towards Mark was different towards the way I felt towards other people— I don’t have an indicator of what exactly I felt for Mark and because it was so different, I had just thought it was romantic love. And, of course, I freaked out. Cupids aren’t meant to fall in love, but somehow I felt something. I tried not to think about it, you know me, so I buried it all and just told myself I’d forget about how I felt. I think that subconsciously translated into me not wanting to be reborn.” He shakes his head. “No, it wasn’t that. I don’t know. I just realised that there’s still things about being a cupid that I don’t understand, and I think there was that fear that I won’t be able to be reborn after experiencing something that the Goddess of Love told us we can’t.

“I didn’t mean to ignore you for days. I was meant to return the day after, but I was thinking a lot. After Mark’s matchmaking, I tried my best to not think about him so I never thought about any of our conversations more than when we had them. And I wasn’t going to, but Jisung texted me on one of the days and it just triggered a memory I had with Mark.” He makes a small gesture with his hands, seemingly struggling to put what he had on his mind into words, before ultimately giving up. “It was a conversation and you were brought up,” he finally says with a sigh, as if he had been debating on whether or not he should tell Renjun this. “Funnily enough, Jisung actually said similar things to what Mark had said back then.”

Renjun waits for Donghyuck to tell him exactly how and why he was brought up, but Donghyuck continues on. “Anyway, I had a chat with Jisung that was really similar to my conversation with Mark— which, back then I laughed at and forgot about— but now Mark’s gone and everything’s weird so I had to properly take time away and sit down and actually think about it.”

Donghyuck stops there and from the look on his face, he’s hesitating on continuing— already telling Renjun a lot, but there’s still something in there, something deeper that he wants to tell Renjun, but is scared to.

“What did you have to think about?” Renjun asks, gently. “Why couldn’t you do it next to me?’

Donghyuck lowers his eyes. “I realised that I had gotten it all wrong. Me, Mark, love— especially love— so completely wrong.” He peers up at Renjun, almost scared of his reaction. “I wasn’t romantically in love with Mark, I just thought I was because I had no baseline to compare it to. All I knew was that I didn’t feel the same way about him, the same way I feel about you.”

Renjun’s struggling to follow along. He understands what Donghyuck is trying to say and he knows Donghyuck wants him to connect the dots himself, but he doesn’t want to assume. He doesn’t want to say anything until it is told from Donghyuck’s mouth himself. “Are you saying…”

Donghyuck nods, understanding that Renjun has reached the very conclusion he wanted him to. “The one I had— have, romantic feelings for is you, Renjun. Not Mark.”

Renjun doesn’t say anything, too much information overloading his brain and Donghyuck must have taken that as a form of rejection, something he ultimately came prepared for. 

“A part of me always knew, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it until I was kinda forced to. I know it’s weird.” Donghyuck tries to laugh it off but Renjun can tell it’s forced. “I don’t know if there’s some sort of divine punishment for falling in love so you can’t tell anyone, okay? I’ll forget this happened, you’ll forget this happened, and both of us will continue on being matchmaking cupids like nothing happened! I realised that it isn’t that bad being reborn, nothing can get worse than this…” He slows at the last few words, stretching out the vowels before exhaling sharply.

“I’m sorry,” he ends up telling Renjun, picking at the hem of his sleeve. His voice is raw and vulnerable. “I don’t want you to feel burdened. This doesn’t have anything to do with you, it’s all me.” He doesn’t waste any time before standing up, stretching out his arms. “Anyway, that’s about it! I’m tired, I cried too much after being grenaded so I’m gonna go rest.” His voice is masked with uncertainty, and he doesn’t look at Renjun as he stiffly walks over to his bedroom, not Renjun’s.

“Wait!” Renjun scrambles up and hurriedly grabs onto Donghyuck’s arm, pulling him into a halt. “You’re not going to hear what I have to say about this?”

Donghyuck slowly turns to him. “I mean, what are you gonna say that’s not gonna hurt?” He cracks a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Seriously, Renjun. It’s fine, we’ll continue on like this conversation never happened, alright?” He tries to pull away from Renjun’s grasp, but the hold on his wrist is tight.

Curse Donghyuck’s inability to listen to Renjun, the two of them will have to work on that soon. 

“No, I’m not going to pretend this conversation never happened! Can you just listen to me, Donghyuck?!” He raises his voice and that’s all it takes for Donghyuck to stop struggling. 

Now that Donghyuck’s attention is completely on him, he blanks. Talk about bad timing. “I…” Renjun stops before he says anything that would make this situation turn for the worse. He needs to think about his words first. He inhales deeply, before exhaling and loosening his grip on Donghyuck’s wrist. 

“I don’t think it’s weird that you fell in love,” Renjun decides to say. “It makes me feel less alone, knowing that there’s someone out there who’s like me.”

He lets his words hang in the air and watches Donghyuck try to make out the meaning behind them. His face twists into a frown as the cogs in his head turn. “Like you? Are you saying…” He trails off, the frown melting away and he now looks at Renjun with surprised, yet gentle, eyes. 

Renjun smiles. “Yeah, and I’m glad it’s you.” 

Donghyuck doesn’t say anything, instead he plops back onto the couch, dragging Renjun down with him. With Donghyuck deep in his thoughts, Renjun sits beside him, kicking his feet. 

“Yeah,” Renjun laughs in an attempt to bring the mood up, or to get Donghyuck to stop thinking so deeply about the whole thing. “The Goddess of Love messed up a bit when turning us into cupids. You think there’s a bunch of us out there? What if she does the turns in batches and now our whole batch is falling in love with people?” 

The image of multiple cupids dating brings a smile to Renjun’s face. He may have not questioned the rules they were told when they first turned, but it’s ironic that beings whose whole existence is to understand love in reality struggle with understanding the different types of love, case in-point being Renjun’s partner. 

“Don’t say that,” Donghyuck says, clicking his tongue and groaning into his hands. “I was already in shock when I came to realise my feelings. Now you’re telling me you have the same problem and I feel like my head is about to explode. If I meet another cupid who tells me that they’ve fallen in love, I’m going to question whether or not everything I know is a lie.”

Renjun pouts, poking Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s not a problem, per say.” He’s lying, it definitely has been a problem, but it’s all in the past now, anyway. “Be glad you’re able to love! Other cupids can’t!”

Donghyuck shudders. “I wish I didn’t. That grenade hit was so bad, I didn’t realise it would tenfold my feelings and emotions like that.”

“You think the grenade hit amplified your feelings?”

“Yep, it definitely did. I had never felt anything like it before. It’s so different compared to getting hit when you don’t have feelings.” Renjun will choose to trust Donghyuck on this since he hasn’t been hit by a bullet or a grenade ever since he accepted his feelings for the other male, and with how bad Donghyuck’s breakdown had been, Renjun doesn’t want to find out. 

Donghyuck turns to Renjun. “I don’t know if I can ask, but who is the person you-”

Renjun wastes no time cutting him off. “It’s you.”

“Huh?”

Renjun raises a brow. “That’s all you're gonna give me? I said I harbour romantic feelings for you too and you give me a ‘Huh’ ?”

“What?” Donghyuck exclaims, leaning forward. “Wait, no. Huh? Since when? Why?” Renjun doesn’t miss the pink steadily forming on his cheeks.

“It’s been a while. I don’t know when exactly I came to terms with it, but I woke up one day and saw you and thought ‘Wow. I might have a crush on Donghyuck’ and I didn’t stop it so it just grew into love.” Renjun can’t tell if the expression Donghyuck has on his face right now is shock or if he’s beaming. Probably both. “And I don’t know. You’re you. You’re nice to me. You give me kisses on the forehead when I feel stressed, it’s cute.” He squints his eyes, a thought suddenly coming to him. “I hope you haven’t been doing that to anyone else.”

“As if I can get close enough to anyone to do that,” Donghyuck grins as he snuggles up closer to where Renjun’s sitting. “So you love me too? That’s so cute of you.”

“Oh, shut up,” Renjun says as he leans against Donghyuck’s chest, but there’s no real malice behind it. “Don’t act like you weren’t about to go all emo on me two minutes ago.”

“Can’t blame me,” laughs Donghyuck as he rests an arm on Renjun’s shoulders. “Well, what does this make us now?”

Renjun pretends to act innocent. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Donghyuck plays along. “For example, when we finish matchmakings, that’s the end of our job. But for our targets, something new blooms; like a crush, which turns into love, which results in a confession, and it ends with our targets hopefully dating.” He buries his face into Renjun’s neck, his breath tickling him. “We’ve got three out of the four done and dusted, just need the last one to complete the checklist.” 

It’s embarrassing how much this small action from Donghyuck flusters Renjun. “What are you trying to say?” he grumbles, trying to keep his voice steady. “Want me to be your boyfriend?”

Donghyuck pulls him off his chest and leans up against Renjun’s forehead with his own. They’re so, so close now— and Donghyuck laughs as he sees Renjun’s face flare up, bringing his thumb up to brush against his heated cheeks.

“You’re so cute,” Donghyuck tells him, voice barely above a whisper. “Yeah, I want you to be my boyfriend.” Renjun may have said it jokingly before, but it’s different hearing it from Donghyuck’s mouth. He didn’t think his heart could beat any faster. He can hear it, Donghyuck can probably hear it.

“We can take things slow first,” Donghyuck reassures. His breath is warm against Renjun’s lips. “But I want to kiss you. Can I do that?”

Ever-so eager Donghyuck. Renjun wants to say yes, but God, teasing Donghyuck would be so fun. So he puffs out his cheeks. “What happened to taking it slow?”

Donghyuck visibly deflates and Renjun can’t help but feel bad. “Of course,” Donghyuck says. “Anything you want.”

He’s not showing it, but Renjun can feel the kicked-puppy energy radiating off him and so he puts an immediate end to his teasing. 

“I’m just joking,” Renjun tells him before grabbing the collar of Donghyuck’s shirt and pulling him in, planting a small kiss onto his lips. He pulls away before Donghyuck could react and smiles at him. “How’s that?”

Donghyuck chases his lips but Rejun puts his hand in front of him. “Hey! Answer me or else you can’t kiss me again!”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes with a smile and grabs onto his wrist, bringing his hand down. “You’re so annoying,” he says with a laugh. He’s looking at Renjun with such a lovesick look on his face that Renjun feels embarrassed for him (he’s laughing because he knows he’s mirroring the exact same expression). “You’re lucky I like kissing you.” And he places his hand on the back of Renjun’s neck and pulls him in once again.

Renjun can’t help but giggle into the kiss. 

“Did you ever figure out what exactly you felt towards Mark?”

“I thought I told you it was platonic. Why are you asking about another man when I’m holding you like this in my arms?”

A shuffle. “Yeah, but you must have felt something more if you mistook it for romantic.”

“It’s not like I knew.” A pause. “Idealisation, maybe? Idolisation? I don’t know. I just really admired him. I think I wanted to be like him.”

“Well, if I’m being honest, I think Mark loved you back.”

Donghyuck’s grip on him tightens. “I know, I think so too.”

Renjun receives a text from Jisung on Tuesday evening, right when he was about to start cleaning their dirty dishes from tonight’s dinner date that Donghyuck had cooked up. 

you didn’t come to the lecture today : (

Haha, yeah. Sorry, Donghyuck
planned a date for the whole day and
since it was a lecture i decided to skip.

oh that’s nice
glad you two made up

Renjun walks back into the living room to check what time it is, before walking back with his head down, typing into his phone.

Are you and Chenle getting ready?
You guys are going out today, right?

uhm yea abt that lmao
i had to cancel on him
too stressed abt assignments 

Really? You two seemed so
excited about it, though. 

hahaha yea
if chenle asks abt me or anything
just tell him im fine

As if on cue, Renjun’s phone buzzes with an incoming text from Chenle.

hi renjunnnn!!! sorry to bother but
have you heard from jisung at all

“Should I be worried that my boyfriend is so popular?” Donghyuck asks as he walks up behind Renjun, arms snaking around his waist. “Your phone has been going off for a while now. What’s going on?”

Renjun lets out a disgruntled sound as he leans back into Donghyuck’s chest, trying to make sense of both Jisung and Chenle’s messages. 

“It’s just Jisung and the person I was gonna match him with,” Renjun tells him as he turns off his phone, leaving Chenle’s message on read. He’ll get back to it later. “I don’t know what’s going on, they were meant to go out together today but it seems like Jisung isn’t contacting Chenle right now?” He sighs as he intertwines his fingers with Donghyuck’s. “Jisung said he canceled on him and to let Chenle know he’s fine, and Chenle’s asking if I’ve heard from Jisung at all. What a headache.”

Donghyuck lets out a low hum as he rests his chin on Renjun’s shoulder. “This particular matchmaking seems like an actual pain,” he says. “So Chenle is the person you were keeping your eyes on?”

“Yep, and I was so sure about it too.” He’ll think about the specifics later, these dishes still need to be washed first and foremost. “They clicked immediately and seemed so close even though they just met. When Chenle came into the picture I thought that that was it, but no. They have to go and complicate things.” He goes to turn on the tap but whoever last used it kept the handle on the hot side so he flinches back when the water makes contact with his skin, ultimately elbowing Donghyuck in the stomach.

Donghyuck double overs and groans in pain as he clutches at his stomach. “What the heck… Can a man not hug his boyfriend?”

“Sorry,” Renjun laughs, glancing back at him. “But you’ve been sticking onto me like glue recently. That’s what you get.”

“I shower you in love everyday and this is the thanks I get?” Donghyuck whines, all pain forgotten and returning to his rightful place behind Renjun. 

Renjun’s down to the last plate. “Well, I never said— Ow!” He lets out a small cry as Donghyuck bites down onto his neck. Not one of those sexy bites, but literally taking a bite out of him, like he’s some sort of apple.

“What the heck? Get off me!” Renjun dries his hands and pushes at Donghyuck’s head lightly. 

“You’re so cute and soft,” comes Donghyuck’s reply, arms back around Renjun’s waist and now hoisting him up, carrying him out of their kitchen. 

Renjun scrambles to pick up his phone before Donghyuck can take him captive. “Let go of me!” He swings his feet and arms around but Donghyuck only laughs as he throws him down onto the couch, leaning over him.

“I love you,” Donghyuck says to him, kissing him softly on the area where he just bit.

“That tickles,” Renjun giggles as wraps his arms around Donghyuck’s shoulders, pulling him closer to him. “And I love you too, but-” As if on cue, his phone buzzes in his hand. “Right now, I have to solve whatever’s going on with these two as their cupid.”

Donghyuck lets out a whine but now rests himself onto Renjun’s chest, scooting upwards so he could see Renjun’s screen as well. 

idk i’m kinda worried
he just said he doesn’t feel like going
anymore and he left me on read when i asked
if he was okay :((( 

“What should I do?” Renjun asks no one in particular, but even then, his fingers are already skimming across his keyboard, typing out a response.

Jisung did reach out to me.
He said he was okay.
Maybe he will talk to you soon?

“You text like an old man,” comes Donghyuck’s unsolicited comment. Renjun lightly smacks him on the head for that. “You do! Do you need me to teach you how to use some abbreviations and emojis?”

“No, thank you.”

i see
yea hopefully he talks to me soon
ty for telling me renjun!
puts my mind at rest for the time being lol

“I see why you chose him. I would choose him too,” Donghyuck says, pointing a finger at the screen. “I’ve never even met him but I can tell he’s in love with Jisung already.” He stretches out the vowel in ‘love’ in a way to be both annoying and to place emphasis on it. 

Renjun scoffs as he switches to the messages Jisung had sent. That conversation with Chenle is fine to end there, but now comes the big problem.

He stays on the screen to show their texts for a bit, allowing Donghyuck to read through them and digest the words. Renjun’s hand runs through Donghyuck’s hair, giving him a small head massage as the two read silently.

“Well,” Donghyuck finally pipes up. “We’ve dealt with avoidant people before. Jisung isn’t any different, I don’t think. You should talk to him.” He peers up at Renjun to get his thoughts.

“I guess…” It’s true that they’ve dealt with avoidant people before; people who have trouble committing or communicating or anything of the sort, but again, something in Renjun’s gut tells him that Jisung is different. 

“I actually think you should call him,” Donghyuck says as he takes the phone out of Renjun’s loose grip and presses onto the small telephone icon at the top right of the screen.

“What?!” Renjun moves fast but Donghyuck is faster and Renjun is unable to grab his phone back from his boyfriend’s hand before the low sounding rings fill the room. Donghyuck passes the phone back to him with an innocent look on his face (Rejun can almost see the halo glowing above his head), and Renjun sends a glare his way as he snatches it back.

He can’t cancel the call now that it’s ringing, it’ll just result in an awkward conversation of ‘Oops! I didn’t mean to call you! Sorry, I hope you didn’t think I actually cared about you’ and Renjun doesn’t want to deal with that, so he lets it ring. Maybe Jisung won’t even pick up. Maybe Jisung will ignore him because he’s feeling-

“Hello? Renjun?”

Out of everything that had to happen, of course Jisung picks up. Renjun sharply looks over to Donghyuck, telling him to keep quiet with his eyes, and Donghyuck only stares back with his mouth hanging agape, as if he’s surprised that Jisung picked up as well.

“Yeah, Jisung. Hi. How are you?” 

“I’m… fine. Why did you call me?”

Renjun frantically makes hand movements at Donghyuck, wanting him to help him come up with something, but Donghyuck just makes more hand movements back and gives him a face that translates to ‘I don’t know’.

Donghyuck is useless when it comes to making anything that aren’t impulsive decisions. 

“Um, I got your texts,” Renjun manages to come up with. It isn’t entirely a lie, anyway. “I just wanted to check up on you.”

“Huh? Oh, I said I was fine, didn’t I? I’m just stressed,” an empty laugh sounds through the speakers, as if Jisung is trying to diffuse the seriousness of the situation. “You know how it is. But I’m fine, I promise.”

In front of him, Donghyuck is making an ‘X’ shape with his arms and shaking his head, mouthing ‘He’s not fine’ over and over again.

“Well…” Renjun focuses his attention back to the boy on the line. “I know we just met, but if there’s anything on your mind, you can talk to me, okay? You allowed me that space when I was feeling down, and I want to reciprocate that.”

Jisung doesn’t reply immediately, and Renjun takes it as a sign to continue. “Of course, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but if it’s stress, or something more than that, I’m sure you’ll feel lighter if you let it out. It doesn’t even have to be me, you can talk to any of your other friends. Just keep that in mind, okay, Jisung?”

He hears a door close on Jisung’s end, but he still doesn’t reply. Donghyuck is giving him a nod of approval and two thumbs up across from him, and Renjun lifts his leg up to kick him in the stomach for taking his matchmaking as a joke.

At this point, Renjun is sure that this is the end of the conversation (for today, Renjun will continue to probe about it another day), but before he could bid Jisung a farewell and give some excuse that he needs to go, Jisung finally speaks up.

“I mean… Do you really not mind hearing me out? I’m worried it might end up in a little trauma dump session.”

“I promise that it’ll be okay. Hit me,” Renjun tries to hide the shock in his voice that Jisung wants to talk, but perhaps this is what makes Jisung different from other people; his willingness to be open. Next to him, Donghyuck slides in closer, wanting to listen in too. Renjun is tempted to shoo him away, knowing that this is possibly a private matter for Jisung, and he had trusted Renjun enough to tell him, but at the same time, Donghyuck is his partner and it’s always nice to get a second opinion for a matchmaking.

“If you say so.” A sigh escapes from Jisung’s lips. “It might sound a little weird or silly but you can’t judge, okay?”

“I won’t.”

Renjun holds his breath as Jisung struggles to find the right words.

“Well, long story short, I have trouble maintaining any sort of relationships,” Jisung begins. “It’s something that stemmed from a few incidents that happened when I was younger and now I’m kind of hardwired to think that nobody actually wants me to be around and are just pretending to and-slash-or are going to get rid of me some time down the line.”

Renjun and Donghyuck hover over his phone quietly, with Renjun making a few hums to indicate that he’s listening. Renjun doesn’t want to assume, but he wouldn’t bet against Jaemin and his friend passing as one of the few incidents that Jisung alluded to. He’s not going to ask about it, though. There’s a reason Jisung didn’t elaborate, and he respects that.

“There are things that trigger this and Chenle kind of set one off and now we’re here.” Jisung’s voice wavers as he speaks. “The thoughts started last week, though— after our hangout. I don’t know. I haven’t had a relationship with anyone that’s deeper than surface-level in a long time now, and what I have with Chenle— I know will end up being that. But that vulnerability in a relationship scares me and even though I want it so bad, I don’t know if I can have it.

“Things were moving so fast. Maybe it’s normal in a normal relationship but I’ve closed myself up for so long that I don’t know what’s normal and what isn’t anymore. I got really attached to Chenle, how couldn’t I? He was so fun to be around. He doesn't care about me being a little blunt and sarcastic at times, and he doesn’t mind that I’m harshly critical of myself and others. He still likes being around me. Liked.

“But I haven’t felt so strongly attached to someone in such a short amount of time before and I got scared, so I was already tip-toeing around my own feelings. And then he said something that I didn’t exactly align with and, I don’t know. I just shut him out. I didn’t want to face him anymore. Now that my mind has cleared from spending a bit of time away from him, I want to talk to him, but I don’t know if he would want to be my friend anymore. I mean, if someone you cared about just ignored you for a few days with your last conversation being a pseudo-fight, would you still hear them out? Don’t answer that.

“It just stressed me out and my response was to run. But now I’m okay in the head again and I want to talk to him, I just don’t know how to. Yeah, that’s the whole story.”

It’s a lot to take in, but Renjun isn’t a stranger to these kinds of situations. “You’re scared of how Chenle is going to perceive you after this, right?”

Renjun can feel Jisung hesitating. “Yeah. I think so. People in the past distanced themselves from me after I explained things. Friends who I cared about. Friends that I thought cared about me too.”

Renjun purses his lips as he thinks over his next few words carefully. “I don’t know Chenle as well as you do,” he says slowly. “But for what it’s worth, I don’t think Chenle is that kind of person.”

A beat of silence passes before Jisung lets out an airy laugh. “I know,” he says, almost sadly. “Chenle is so kind. He would probably just tell me it’s okay and return to normal like nothing happened because he’s that kind of person. I’m worried because the closer I get to him, the more frequent these thoughts are going to be, and I’m gonna end up disappearing more and more. But Chenle is so nice and I know that he’ll welcome me back every single time, but what’s going to happen when he grows tired of me? He’s going to realise that this relationship isn’t worth it and he’s going to leave me. I’m scared of that happening, so I’ll just leave first, right?”

Chenle is a very kind person, and Renjun knows that he won’t do that. Jisung knows he won’t do that too, but sometimes a thought eats you up from the inside out that it becomes real, and it takes over everything you were supposed to control, like a parasite sticking to you. Renjun knows how that feels, which means that he also knows that unfortunately, the only way to ease the burden on the shoulders is to talk to the exact cause of the looming cloud. 

“Jisung.” He pauses. “Do you want me to give advice, or do you want me to listen?”

He lets that question sit in the air for a bit, looking over to Donghyuck. His boyfriend is listening intensely, eyes glued to his own feet with his ear almost right up against his phone’s speaker area. He doesn’t even move when Renjun presses a finger against his forehead. He’s always been like this, and it brings a smile onto Renjun’s face in this tense moment.

“I’m going to be honest, Renjun,” Jisung eventually says. “I think I want you to tell me to talk to Chenle.”

Easier said than done. Renjun was ready to give out advice from his old notebook of past matchmaking notes, but it turns out Jisung is competent on his own. All he needed was just a little push. In a way, Renjun is proud of Jisung for realising what exactly was wrong and understanding what needs to be done. He’s dealt with multiple people who can’t do either, so this is already a good first step for Jisung. 

“Alright.” There’s a hint of a smile on his face. “Jisung, you need to talk to Chenle.”

A shuffle, then the sound of someone falling onto a bed sounds from his phone. “I will,” Jisung sighs. “Can we meet up on Thursday? Maybe you could help me think of things to say to him.”

He’s still scared. It’s only normal.

“Jisung, I won’t lie. I think you already know what you want to say to him.” Jisung lets out a small groan at those words on the other end of the line. “But,” Renjun quickly adds on, suddenly feeling apologetic. “I’ll come. I’ll give you that extra push.”

“Thank you, Renjun.” And he sounds so sincere about it that it makes Renjun’s heart melt. “I’ll text you what building I’m at when I finish my tutorial. Thank you for hearing me out, really.”

“It’s all good, that’s what friends are for, right?” He glances up and is met with Donghyuck grinning at him so widely that he’s worried he said something wrong. 

“Right,” says Jisung. “I won’t hold up any of your time now. Thank you, again. I’ll see you Thursday.”

“Don’t worry too much,” is the last thing Renjun says to him before the line cuts short. The low beeps are all that can be heard as Renjun sets his phone down onto the coffee table, wanting to create a small distance with it for a little while.

“Why are you smiling at me like that?” Renjun asks with narrowed eyes when he looks over and Donghyuck still has the same expression on his face. He doesn’t say anything and basically launches himself in Renjun’s direction, wrapping him into a tight hug and sways them from side to side. Renjun, who wasn’t expecting that at all, is defenseless and is held hostage in his arms.

“Something about this matchmaking changed you,” Donghyuck says when they finally part, scary grin replaced with a smug look. “I’ve never seen you show that much empathy towards a target before. You were thinking over your words and stuff, even listening to his worries. It’s like you see him as a friend instead of a target.”

“Shush,” Renjun pouts. “Is that a bad thing?”

“It’s not! That’s what I do. It’s just that I don’t see you do it, so I’m surprised.” Donghyuck wiggles his eyebrows. “You’ve grown quite attached to Jisung, haven’t you?”

A hand to the smack middle of his face shuts him up fast. “He’s cute!” Renjun rebuts. “And Chenle’s nice. So what if I’m rooting for them?!”

Donghyuck laughs as he tears Renjun’s hand away from his face. “It’s fine to root for them and it’s fine to think Jisung is cute,” he teases. “As long as I’m the cutest in your heart.”

Renjun holds Donghyuck’s face in his hands, leaning towards him. “You’re so annoying,” he deadpans as he squishes his cheeks, then pulls on them aggressively.

“Eh! Sop eet,” Donghyuck cries and Renjun laughs at his distorted words. 

“You’ll always be the cutest in my heart,” Renjun tells him as he finally lets go, but his hands still stay holding Donghyuck’s face and pulls him into a kiss. 

He’ll think about his assigned matchmaking later, but right now, all he wants to do is show Donghyuck how full of love he can be and how much love he has harbored inside just for him. 

Jisung is fidgety when they walk across one of the gardens on campus. In a bad way as well, though Renjun supposes there’s never a good reason as to why one’s fidgety. Jisung doesn’t look him in the eyes when they talk, instead opting to look at either his shoes or the garden beds around them. He’s playing with the hem of his sleeve a lot, and when he’s not, he’s biting his thumb. He’s been dancing around the topic, the reason why he called Renjun here.

All confidence he had on that phone call has now disappeared. 

“Renjun, did you know we had cacti on campus grounds?” Jisung points to a bed with various different cacti sticking out of it. No, Renjun didn’t know, nor does he care too much about it. 

“There’s still a lot I haven’t explored,” Renjun says, squatting down next to Jisung. He touches the cactus in front of them.

“We should do a small exploration then,” Jisung suggests, eyes on the small plaque describing the origins of the cactus. Renjun isn’t sure if he really is reading it, or if he’s just avoiding eye contact.

“Yeah,” Renjun muses. “Sure.” It won’t ever happen, though. Jisung’s matchmaking is possibly coming to a close soon and when the time comes, Renjun will make sure he’ll forget all about him. But if agreeing to this will calm Jisung’s nerves even just a little bit, despite it being a white lie, then Renjun thinks it’ll be okay.

Jisung stands up and Renjun follows, trailing behind as Jisung continues to walk past the rest of the garden and not stopping. They pass the bed of daisies, roses, and lilies (to which Renjun is pretty sad about, he wanted to take a picture of them), and they end up back in the main courtyard. 

Jisung sits down underneath one of the trees, shielded from the sun by the leaves and gestures for Renjun to do the same. They sit in silence for a bit, watching the blue sky and the clouds that accompany it. Renjun basks in the sunlight and takes in the view before him- multiple students rushing to an already late class, a group of friends sitting at a table with laptops out and drinks in their hands- laughing as they discuss something in their group project, a club handing out free lunches to whoever signs up. There’s an ugly feeling in his chest, knowing that these are things he never got to experience, and he’ll never experience. 

There’s a ticking clock that’s hitting close to zero on Jisung’s matchmaking, but if it was possible, Renjun would like to press stop on it. He would like to live out this pseudo-life just a little longer. Alas, cupids don’t have a choice when it comes down to this, so he can’t. 

How cruel being a cupid is. You get a taste of a life that will never be yours, and it’s snatched away almost immediately. 

“I have what I want to say to Chenle written down.” Jisung’s deep voice cuts through Renjun’s thoughts. 

Renjun blinks, half expecting Jisung to show him, but he doesn’t. “Okay. And what do you have planned?”

Jisung leans against the tree trunk. “First, I’ll apologise to him.”

Renjun waits for him to continue. The sentence ends there. “And then?”

Jisung sighs and looks over to him. “That’s all I have. I don’t know what to tell him.”

“You could just tell him what you said to me the other day.”

The younger boy shakes his head. “I can’t. It doesn’t work like that,” he says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m worried it’ll scare him off, or something.” 

“Or something,” Renjun repeats, not impressed. Jisung is overthinking it, really. Renjun has to do something that will help Jisung get his confidence back, or else they’ll be stuck in this back-and-forth for who knows how long. Renjun has been through this before, and it isn’t fun. 

He digs through his bag and holds out his water bottle and pencil case, passing them both to Jisung.

This has worked for a previous matchmaking. Jisung may be young, but he’s surely not stupid. 

“What—"

“Don’t talk,” Renjun shuts him up quickly. “Okay. Imagine that you’re the-”

The sound of someone running up to them stops Renjun in the middle of his sentence, and when he turns his head towards the direction of the sound, he almost gets run over.

“Oh my god!” A shrill shriek sounds through his ears. “I’m so sorry, Renjun! Are you okay?”

There’s no mistaking whose voice this is, and in a panicked state, Renjun quickly glances over to Jisung, who looks like he had just seen a ghost. 

“I’m so sorry!” Chenle repeats, apologetic. "I swear I didn’t mean to run into you! I got too excited and before I knew it, I was speeding my way here.”

After giving Renjun a few pats on the head and shoulders to make sure he’s okay, he takes a step back and blinks a few times, as if remembering exactly what he’s doing here. 

“Ah.” He averts his gaze to look at Jisung, who flinches and looks away immediately. The grass next to him must look very interesting or something.

“Really sorry, Renjun,” Chenle apologises, his voice almost monotone. He turns back to Renjun. “But could Jisung and I have some privacy for a bit?”

At those words, Jisung whips his head around and looks at Renjun with begging eyes, telling him to not leave him alone. 

Now, if he says yes and walks away, he would feel guilty— but he also knows that if he says no and stays, this problem won't get solved anytime soon. There’s only one option he has, and even though it’s risky because Renjun doesn’t know if he’ll need to nudge his way back into Jisung’s life again if this conversation goes badly, but a gut feeling tells him otherwise.

He lets his wings free.

“Whose water bottle and pencil case are you holding?” Chenle asks with a tilted head. Jisung looks down at his hands in confusion, before placing the foreign objects down next to him. 

Renjun stands up and stretches out his back and wings. Now that he has unveiled his wings in front of them, it means that they’ve forgotten all about Renjun and they aren’t able to see him. Which is good because he’s now able to listen into this conversation.

“Jisung,” Chenle starts. Jisung still doesn’t look at him. “Can we please talk?”

Jisung shakes his head, picks up his bag and stands up. “I’m sorry, I have to go—”

Chenle stands in his way, stopping him from being able to move. “Jisung, please,” he begs. “If you hate me, just say it. I’ll stop bothering you.”

Jisung falters. Renjun knows that that’s the last thing Jisung wants Chenle to think. Funny how love and hate are one and the same. “That’s not… I don’t hate you,” he says with a shaky breath.

“Then can you tell me why you’ve been avoiding me?” Chenle asks, with such gentleness that it has Jisung finally looking at him.

Jisung doesn’t reply instantly, but Chenle waits, switching his weight from one foot to the other. Renjun can tell he’s nervous too. 

“I’m sorry,” Jisung eventually says. “I’m sorry for running away and for not telling you the truth.”

Chenle takes a step forward at that, eyes filled with warmth as he looks up at Jisung. “Jisung, I understand that sometimes things can get overwhelming and when that happens, it’s okay to run. I know that feeling too.” Chenle smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, as if he’s reminiscing on something. “I used to run away when things got tiring, back in high school. And back then, I would berate myself for it. Why am I running away when I could just face it head on? I’m sure that’s how you feel right now, right?”

Jisung nods at that.

“But because I ran back then, I became who I am now,” Chenle finishes. “I got to learn from it. Back then, I needed to clear my mind and running away allowed me to do that. That’s why I think it’s okay to run, I won’t hold it against you. I just want you to let me know first.”

Chenle is so kind, so, so kind. Jisung is lucky to have someone like him to call a friend, and he must know too, because he tells Chenle;

“But there’s something I want to tell you,” Jisung explains in frustration. “It’s something that’s important to me, something that makes up who I am. But I don’t know how to tell you.” His voice comes out as broken. “I want to, but I don’t know how to. I’m scared, I’m scared of what you’ll think of me afterwards.”

A look of shock crosses across Chenle’s face for a split second, before it’s immediately replaced with sympathy. “You don’t have to tell me now,” he says and Jisung stills at his words. “I don’t want you to think that you have to overcome your problems alone. I’m your friend, and I want you to rely on me. You don’t have to tell me anything right now if you don’t want to, but I hope one day you’ll be able to.”

“What if that day never comes?” Jisungs words are sharp and his voice is loud, but Chenle’s gaze only softens. “What if I continue to run? What will you do then?”

“I don’t mind waiting,” Chenle shrugs. “And that’s an easy answer. I’ll let you run, but you have to promise to return at some point, or else I’ll be forced to track you down,” he laughs.

Those words may not mean much to Chenle, but for Jisung, that’s all he’s ever needed to hear. ‘People in the past distanced themselves from me after I explained things’, that was what Jisung had told Renjun during their phone call. All he has known are people pushing him away, but now there’s someone willing to let him run, and run after him.

Renjun takes out his own pistol from his belt. The metal is cold against his fingertips. 

“Is it really okay?” Jisung asks. He sounds much more composed now, more trusting of Chenle’s words. “That I run and make you wait?”

“I already said, didn’t I? I can wait for you, as long as you return at the end of the day feeling better than at the start.” Chenle holds out his hand. “C’mon, I think the astronomy club is giving out free lunches today.

Jisung looks at Chenle’s hand in a daze for a second, as if still comprehending everything that had happened. There’s a side of him that doesn’t believe Chenle; it thinks Chenle is faking everything— that he’s lying and he will get tired of him. Yet, another side wants to believe him. It wants to believe that there truly is someone out there who will wait for him, who wants to listen and learn more about him.

In the end, Jisung takes Chenle’s hand, and Chenle pulls him in, a bright smile on his face.

A bullet through the heart. Renjun doesn’t doubt he made the right choice.

Renjun sees Donghyuck at the cupid bulletin board when he goes to hand in Jisung’s matchmaking report. 

Donghyuck is the one who spots him first, waving him over— voice loud with arms flailing and everything.

“How did it go?” Donghyuck asks, excitedly. “I’m guessing good since you’re here, unless you’re actually here to give Jisung up for another task?”

Renjun rolls his eyes and shows Donghyuck the stamped seal of approval on the top right of his report. “Who do you think I am?”

“I think you’re Renjun, the cutest in the world who never fails a matchmaking,” Donghyuck replies, slinging an arm around him. “So, they worked it out?”

Renjun hums, taking note of the sheet of paper Donghyuck is holding onto. “Kind of. They’re working through it, but I’m sure it’ll end on a good note. I have trust in them both.” He points to Donghyuck’s hand. “What’s that?”

“Oh, this?” He waves it around before handing it over for Renjun to read. “It’s my next matchmaking assignment.”

He says it as if it was just another job for him.

“What?” Renjun exclaims, jumping back, wings fluttering in excitement. “You’re gonna start matchmaking again?”

Donghyuck shrugs. “I mean, you're still doing it. You’re still accumulating karma. What if one day I wake up and you’re not next to me anymore? I’m following you all the way, even when we get reborn.”

It’s a sweet gesture, but as much as Renjun hopes for that to happen, they have to be prepared for it to also not.

“What if we get reborn in different countries and you can’t find me?” Renjun asks with a raised brow. “What’s gonna happen then?”

Donghyuck gives him a look. “Then you’ll come find me, right? What kind of question is that?” 

He will. Renjun will swim across the yellow sea if it means he could be next to Donghyuck, but he is not about to tell him that. “I guess,” he shrugs, turning away nonchalantly. 

“Hey! Don't act like that!” Donghyuck cries, shaking Renjun’s shoulders. “I’m starting to think you don’t love me! What do I need to do? Shoot a bullet through your heart?” he jokes.

“I’m a cupid, remember?” Renjun smiles, turning back and cupping Donghyuck’s face in his hand. “That won’t work on me.” His eyes gloss over Donghyuck’s features, committing it to memory— that’s all he seems to be doing recently. Looking at his lover, again and again. Almost as if he can’t believe that what they have is real, that he has someone like Donghyuck in his life.

“What’s wrong?” Donghyuck asks, leaning into his touch. “You’ve gone all quiet on me.”

“It’s nothing.” Renjun shakes his head. “Just thinking about how much I love you, that’s all.”

Perhaps the smile that Donghyuck gives him in response to that is the bullet through his heart. Sometimes Renjun wonders if what he’s feeling truly is love, but if everything he has studied in books and through his targets are correct, then what is love if not what he feels towards Donghyuck? How lucky Renjun is to be able to know what love is, how lucky indeed.