Chapter Text
tyler couldn't sleep. he was thinking too much. like usual, he tried to think of things that calmed him. it had always seemed to be the thought of josh that calmed him.
he turned his head on the small pillow to see josh curled up facing him, in a deep sleep. his mouth slightly open and soft little snores coming from his lips. tyler always admired josh. but especially when he was sleeping.
sure, it may not seem normal if someone were to look in the back of the van and see tyler staring at his bestfriend while he slept. but it was normal for him. normal for them.
tyler felt sweaty. fhe back of the van was too hot. the a.c could never reach back here but they just had to deal with it. he looked at josh's hair, seeing a few short curls sticking to his forehead slightly. he smiled softly to himself, admiring his friend like he always did when he couldn't sleep.
then something hit him. how.. intimate this felt.
he stared at his friend, thoughts circulating tyler's beautiful brain.
thoughts about josh. their friendship.
the intimacy of their friendship.
the intimacy of lingering touches. like after a big hug when they finish a big exhilarating show and josh hands linger on his arm for a moment when they pull away. or when they decide to sit in the middle backseat and their knees touch, but they keep them there.
or when their hands brush up against eachother when they walk but they don't seperate more than they already are.
the gentle. eye contact they give eachother.
the way josh's pupils dilate slightly. his beautiful eyes looking like the best mixture of coffee and cream, or tyler's favorite chocolate he can only get in certain stores around the midwest. the warmness he felt when josh stared at him from across the room when tyler was practicing in whatever place they found to be a studio.
the glances from across the room. when tyler slightly moves his body on the couch and josh looks at him for a moment. the way josh's pupils dilate would glance at his hands for longer than he'd like to admit when he's playing piano.
and when tyler glances at josh from across the room whenever he worked out. admiring how hardworking josh is.
the simple "i got you your favorite". josh always remembered his favorite things. they would go to random diners when they had the money and time inbetween shows. if tyler went to the bathroom at the same time the waitress came by, he'd always come back to josh saying "i got you your favorite."
he knew his orders, his drinks, his snacks, his favorite texture of a hoodie.
because josh remembered, tyler only liked this specific texture because one night when they were half asleep in some dingy motel room sharing a bed, tyler said
"i don't like this hoodie. it's too itchy."
josh always remembered the little things.
the intimacy of the tight hugs the too had after a really long day. when tyler was able to cry into the crook of josh's neck without feeling ashamed of himself like he always did. he never had to tell josh why he was crying. or why he clinged to him like he couldn't bare losing him. because josh always knew.
tyler couldn't sleep.
he rolled over onto his side fully and brought his hand to josh's arm.
"josh?... josh.."
josh mumbled something in his sleep and slowly moved his hands to rub his eyes. finally, he opens them. his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the van to see tyler's figure and the slight gleam in his eyes from the streetlights outside.
"hey t."
tyler smiled softly. his heart beating just a bit faster when he hears josh's sleepy groggy voice. he always loved how josh's voice sounded when he was tired.
he always thought it sounded like warm cozy nights. hot chocolate. velvet.
"can... can i ask you something j?"
"'course ty" josh said with a soft smile. letting his eyes fall closed again. still so tired. but he kept listening. always will.
"do you..do you think that maybe- i-i don't know.. uhm" tyler said quietly, nervous.
josh opened his eyes and brought his hand to tyler's that was resting on his arm. knowing that he's nervous he moved tyler's hand to rest between them on the mattress and he interlocked their fingers.
" i'm listening ty.. m'here."
tyler could start crying. josh knew him so well. better than he knows himself. he instantly felt less nervous.
"josh i.. i think.. i don't think i like just.. girls."
josh smiled and hummed softly.
"i know tyler"
tyler laughed quietly to himself and covered his face with his free hand. the one that wasn't burning from josh touch while he held it.
"of course you did.. is.. is that okay?"
"why wouldn't it be?.. you're still tyler.. you're still my tyler and i don't think anything could change that."
now tyler will cry. josh is his number one supporter. through everything. he's only known josh for about a year and a half now. but josh knows him like the organs inside him know him. josh knows him like how the neurons in his brain memorized themselves to work with tyler's body. josh will always know.
"josh i.. i think. i think i want to kiss you right now." then. josh nodded. letting his hand unclamp from tyler's and putting it on the side of tyler's face. letting his thumb caress his cheekbone. josh's heart skipped a beat.
"i think i want to kiss you right now too."
tyler didn't sleep that night.
he didn't mean to fall in love that night.