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It was a sunny morning in Smileyland, as usual. The boys had their breakfast of choice in hand - cereal for Stumpy, yogurt for Quack-Quack, and just coffee for Mr. Cat - and were sitting on the couch in front of the TV. The Mr. Coolskin show was playing on TV, and Mr. Cat had a newspaper in hand. Quack-Quack was watching the show silently, and Stumpy was visibly overjoyed; his eyes were sparkling and he kept laughing at the TV, bits of chewed-up cereal flying out of his mouth.
"Wow, this sure is a good episode, huh, Mr. Cat?" Stumpy asked.
"I don't know, it's not like I'm watching it," Mr. Cat scoffed. He wouldn't be caught dead admitting to watching, as he called it, "a nonsensical series for little kids".
"Quack!" Quack-Quack nodded enthusiastically, showing a thumbs up in response to Stumpy's question.
"I don't see what the big deal is! This is the exact same episode you watched on Thursday!" the feline grumbled.
"How'd ya know that if ya weren't watchin' the show?" Stumpy grinned.
"Quack!" Quack-Quack snickered.
"If you two boneheads don't shut up right now, I am going to -"
But Mr. Cat never got to finish his threat. Bad Kaeloo dropped out of the sky and landed in front of the television with such force that both the TV and the makeshift stand it was set on (a cardboard box) were blown away.
"Rats, I knew we should've assembled that TV stand instead of just usin' the box and hidin' the parts in the storage room to set up later," Stumpy muttered.
"HELLO, BUDDIES!" Bad Kaeloo screamed with such force that the couch was blown backwards, just short of toppling over. Everyone cheered.
"Oh, yeah!" Mr. Cat said dreamily.
"Ow!" Stumpy said, as the TV came landing on his head.
"No, no, no, no, no!" Kaeloo chided Bad Kaeloo from inside their shared head. "When you say hello, you have to be delicate! And nice! First off, you should be using your indoor voice -"
"But we outdoors," the toad pointed out, confused.
"There's a wall over there," Kaeloo said, gesturing towards the side of the room. There was no such thing, at least not visible to the eye, only a blue door.
"In any case," Kaeloo continued, "you should talk more quietly."
"Huh," Bad Kaeloo thought to himself. He was so used to only being brought out when Kaeloo was angry that his first instinct in any situation was to yell.
"I'd love to integrate you into the group, but for now, I'll take over!"
Bad Kaeloo leaped into the air and transformed, landing gracefully back on the ground as Kaeloo.
"Buddies, today we're going to play…"
"Oh, no!" said Mr. Cat, now curled up on the floor under a tree, looking disappointed.
"With Bad K!" Kaeloo finished, holding up a sign with a picture of the toad's face on it.
"Oh, great!" Mr. Cat said, running back up to where the others were standing.
"Simp," Stumpy whispered to Quack-Quack. Quack-Quack chuckled.
"Bad K and I are trying to get along better," Kaeloo explained, using a familiar nickname for her alter. "It's not easy, but I'm sure a nice game can smooth things out!" She wrapped her arms around Stumpy and Quack-Quack's shoulders.
"Absolutely," Mr. Cat said, standing in front of the mirror to adjust his bowtie. He wanted to look his best for Bad Kaeloo.
Kaeloo pulled on a magic rope, and the wall used for playing "Red Light, Green Light" appeared.
"It's been a long time since we played red light, green light!" the frog noted.
"It feels like it's been thirteen whole years," Mr. Cat quipped.
"Wow, I haven't even been alive that long!" Stumpy said.
"Well, I changed the rules a teensy bit so that everyone could have fun," Kaeloo added.
"Quack-Quack, you can't use your superpowers. Because otherwise, you always win."
Quack-Quack teleported back from the fridge with a six-pack of yogurt and gave Kaeloo a thumbs-up.
"Stumpy! You can move one time without getting eliminated, because you always lose."
"You're gonna eat my dust!" Stumpy exclaimed triumphantly. His neck spasmed then and there.
"Finally, Mr. Cat… you are obviously forbidden to give Quack-Quack any boo-boos."
Mr. Cat conveniently ignored Kaeloo's instructions, as he was busy practicing his singing. He loved music, he could easily write a song to serenade Bad Kaeloo with.
"When's our guest playing?" he smiled at Kaeloo.
Bad Kaeloo seemed to agree, as he made a pleading face at Kaeloo.
"We agreed that I would go first!" Kaeloo said, despite no such agreement having been made. "Have a little patience, your turn will come."
"I'll skip my turn," Mr. Cat grumbled, sitting down in a chair with his newspaper. "I'm waiting for the toad," he explained, holding up a bouquet of flowers that he intended to present to said toad.
Kaeloo chose to ignore the pang she felt in her heart at that. Was she not good enough? She would have loved to receive a bouquet of flowers from him.
"Okay!" she said cheerily, as if nothing was wrong. "Red light…"
Stumpy began to run. Quack Quack took off immediately afterwards, catching up with him as if it were nothing. Mr. Cat smiled maliciously - just because he wasn't participating in the game didn't mean he couldn't shake things up a bit. He pulled out his bazooka and shot three missiles at the players who were participating. Quack-Quack dodged the missiles effortlessly using his teleportation powers, and stopped by the fridge while he was at it.
"Green…" Kaeloo continued. Quack-Quack returned to the race. Stumpy and Mr. Cat (the latter of whom had given up on the idea of not participating) managed to catch up with him, and the three were tied for first place.
"Light!" Kaeloo said, turning around. Everyone froze in place. Stumpy's neck spasmed.
"Stumpy, you moved!" Kaeloo pointed out. "If you move again, you'll be eliminated!"
The missiles that Mr. Cat had fired into the air landed on Stumpy.
"Ow," Stumpy said, rather nonchalantly considering the extent of his injuries.
"You moved again!" Kaeloo declared.
"Quack."
This "quack" signified Quack-Quack's protest at this turn of events. It had been Mr. Cat's fault, and Stumpy hadn't moved of his own accord, so why should he be forced to go back to the starting line.
"Well…" Kaeloo was hesitant to admit that Stumpy's actions weren't a violation of the rules, because doing so would involve admitting that she was wrong. "I guess I'll just have to change the rules again so Stumpy can go back to the start!"
And just like that, the main four's fate was sealed.
"Changing the rules equals… a penalty!" boomed a voice behind them, as the sky turned dark and stormy. They turned around, eyes wide, to see something resembling a giant exclamation mark behind them.
"Umm, hello! Who are you?" Kaeloo asked. The thing opened its eyes, which glowed menacingly.
"I am…" the thing started, before shrinking down into a cute-looking cylindrical form with wings. "The Rules of the Game! But you can call me Game Rule! Salutations! Plus a bow!" she said, bowing.
"Since you've modified, added, forgotten, changed, and diverted the rules of your games, I've been sent to restore order! Not respecting the rules equals a penalty!"
"Quack?" Quack-Quack demanded to know who exactly had sent her, but Game Rule continued her monologue.
"Yeah, where did this thingamajig come from?" Mr. Cat seconded.
Kaeloo stepped in to talk to Game Rule, pushing Mr. Cat away with a lot more force than necessary - his earlier remarks had cut rather deep.
"Oh, I love penalties!" Kaeloo declared. They did tend to make games more exciting, after all.
"Being The Rules of the Game, I have all sorts of penalties at my disposal! Ranging from…"
The vertical part of Game Rule's exclamation mark-shaped form spun around like a wheel, to reveal an image of a pair of hands in handcuffs.
"Keep your hands behind your back!"
Handcuffs appeared out of nowhere and locked the main four's hands behind their backs, as promised.
"To…"
The "wheel" spun again, showing an image of an exploding planet.
"The destruction of Smileyland!"
The main four were shown what this would look like; clones of Game Rule ravaging the land while meteors rained down from the sky, which was now red.
"Wow, cool! The apocalypse!" said Stumpy. Kaeloo glared at him in annoyance, Quack-Quack stared in surprise and bewilderment with his mouth slightly open, and Mr. Cat facepalmed.
"Can I hit him?" Mr. Cat asked.
"I can't hear you from over here, Mr. Cat. If, hypothetically, you were to do something, I wouldn't notice," Kaeloo lied.
Mr. Cat grinned sadistically. A loud smack echoed through the air.
"OW!"
"Say, Ms. Game Rule, what do you say we find some penalties that are a little less… 'destroy the world', and all that? Because that ? We'd never let you do it!" Kaeloo said, a passive-aggressive wired-open grin appearing on her face. There was no way she, or any of the other three for that matter, would allow the destruction of their beloved home at the hands of an outsider. Game Rule, however, did not take too kindly to this questioning of her authority.
"Rebellion equals a penalty!"
The wheel spun, depicting a figure with floppy arms.
"Floppy penalty!"
Accordingly, Kaeloo's arms went limp like noodles.
"Oh, gross!" Stumpy said.
Mr. Cat grabbed one of Kaeloo's limp, floppy arms and started skipping rope with it.
"Mr. Cat! What are you doing?!" Kaeloo asked, trying to yank herself away from him.
"Well? Are you mad now? Is Toady going to come out?" he asked excitedly.
"No, I am not going to transform," she stated firmly. "I refuse to give you the pleasure."
Well, that wiped the smirk off his face.
"Didn't you say we'd be playing with him?" he pouted.
"Kitty right," Bad Kaeloo added inside Kaeloo's head.
"We're losing time here! If we want the toad to play, we've got to shift into second gear!" Mr. Cat said, rushing to the wall.
"Red…" Mr. Cat turned around to glance at the other players discreetly.
"No, wait! Wait!" Kaeloo said, as she and Quack-Quack started to run.
"Light…"
Stumpy transformed into Ratman and hopped into the Ratmobile, managing to overtake Kaeloo and catch up with Quack-Quack. Determined not to lose, Quack-Quack sped up using his superpowers.
"Green light!"
Thanks to having secretly taken a peek earlier, Mr. Cat knew that Quack-Quack was right behind him, and used the opportunity to pull out a giant mallet as he turned and hit Quack-Quack with it.
Ratman hit the brakes on his car. The car stopped, but the driver's seat was launched into the air, with Ratman firmly strapped in.
"Why am I in danger? I put my seatbelt on!" Ratman protested, seconds before crashing into a nearby tree.
Quack-Quack pulled himself out of the crater that Mr. Cat had created in the ground and touched the wall.
"Okay, Duckface wins! It's time to bring in the toad!" Mr. Cat called.
"New game! A new game equals the end of a penalty," Game Rule said, allowing Kaeloo's arms to return back to normal.
"Ahh!" Kaeloo said, starting to run immediately.
"HEY! IT MY TURN PLAY!" Bad Kaeloo reminded her.
"Yes, I know it should be your turn, but now is not the time!" Kaeloo insisted.
Mr. Cat was not happy.
"Hey, Thingamajig! Froggy said she'd give way to the toad. She isn't doing it! That deserves a penalty, right?"
"No, that's not breaking the rules, that's just being a jerk," Game Rule stated.
"Hey!" came Kaeloo's voice.
"On the other hand, the rest of you have committed infractions that do warrant a penalty. Stumpy used the Ratmobile, and not only does this give him an unfair advantage over the other players, but he also does not possess a valid driver's license. Quack-Quack used his superpowers to cheat, so he too had an unfair advantage that the other participants did not have. You turned around without finishing the phrase 'red light, green light', took the position in front of the wall despite not having won the previous round, and assaulted another participant to boot. Oh, also, Kaeloo started running after Quack-Quack had won, which means she will be penalized anyway."
The wheel spun again.
"Musical penalty!" Game Rule declared, as the main four were hit with something resembling a laser beam.
"What the f-" Mr. Cat started, but he covered his mouth in horror once he realized that he was singing and dancing. He adored singing, and music in general, but he hated dancing. Oh, this thingamajig was going down.
Meanwhile, Kaeloo approached Quack-Quack and pulled him out of the crater in the ground.
"Quack-Quack! I know well that you're indestructible, but I still worry a little about you!" she confessed, also singing and dancing.
"Don't ever forget to put your seatbelt on!" Stumpy finished, still stuck in his seat but tapping his feet together as he tried to remove his seatbelt.
Mr. Cat bit back the urge to say "Fat lot of good that did you!" for fear of dancing again.
"Ms. Game Rule, nobody can win against Quack-Quack! That's why we have to change the rules!" Kaeloo sang, snapping her fingers. Maybe she could try to reason with her.
"Changing the rules equals a penalty!"
Ah.
The wheel spun, and landed on the exploding planet from before.
"The destruction of Smileyland!"
Meteors began to rain down and the sky turned red as multiple clones of Game Rule began to ravage the planet, as before.
"I take it back! This is not cool!" Stumpy screamed, narrowly avoiding being hit by a meteor.
"Ms. Game Rule!" Kaeloo called, waving her hands. "Time out!"
"Time out is a universal rule. You have three minutes!" Game Rule said, pausing her apocalypse and smiling serenely at the group as if nothing had happened. "2 minutes and 59 seconds... 2 minutes and 58 seconds..." she started to count.
The main four huddled together.
"Okay! We have two minutes to find a solution or we'll never be able to play peacefully," Kaeloo said.
"What a scam! The official rules of red light green light don't say ya can't use a Rat-mobile!" Stumpy interrupted, glancing at his phone.
Quack-Quack smacked him upside the head. "Quack," he said sarcastically, questioning Stumpy's priorities.
"The rules don't say anything about not assaulting people either, but here we are. There's nothing we can do, little guy," Mr. Cat sighed.
"Wait, the rules don't mention every single thing you can't do in a game… oh, yes… " Kaeloo said. Now she had a plan
"Time out ends in 3… 2.. 1…!" Game Rule said, finishing her countdown.
"Ms. Game Rule?" came a voice from behind her. She turned around to see the main four standing there with maniacal evil smiles, except Quack-Quack, who had his usual vacant stare.
"We all agree to play according to the rules, but we want to start over from the beginning," Kaeloo said.
"That's in line with the rules!" Game Rule declared.
"It's your turn to play," Kaeloo said, transforming into Bad Kaeloo and giving him his long overdue turn at the game.
Bad Kaeloo pulled out an electric guitar and started playing just as Mr. Cat finished attaching two rockets to the back of the Ratmobile to make it go faster. Quack-Quack and Stumpy got in the car, the latter dressed as a girl for some reason, and both armed with bananas. Mr. Cat, now wearing a black suit, got in the driver's seat, as a precaution - it was better for a licensed driver to be controlling the vehicle, just in case Game Rule used that loophole to punish them. The rockets fired up, and the trio shot towards the wall.
"Here we go!" Mr. Cat said excitedly, delighted to finally get his chance to play with Bad Kaeloo.
The bananas, of course, were portal guns. Every time a shot was fired from one of them, it opened up a portal, allowing them to teleport further and further into the race.
"Stop! I already told you that teleportation is not allowed!" Game Rule said.
"Correction: you forbade Quack-Quack from using his superpowers to teleport because it gave him an advantage, but technically, if everyone is teleporting then that doesn't count as an advantage, does it?" Mr. Cat asked smugly.
"Hmm…" Game Rule paused to think. "Well, red light green light is not a musical game! That is not in the rules!" she said, preparing to give Bad Kaeloo a penalty.
"There's lotsa things that aren't in the rules," Stumpy pointed out. "The rules don't say ya can't use a car, or that ya can't use bananas to open interdimensional portals because that defies logic, or that ya can't dress however ya want!" he said triumphantly, flipping his "hair" (a feminine-looking wig).
"Or that you can't play with whoever you want," Kaeloo added inside her head to Bad Kaeloo.
"If it's not written… it's not forbidden!" the four friends chanted in unison.
"No rules equals… no rules," Game Rule said defeatedly. "You may continue playing!"
Everything reverted back to normal. The three boys got out of the car and raced to the finishing line, Mr. Cat and Stumpy ditching their costumes and Mr. Cat putting on a bowtie and grabbing his bouquet. Mr. Cat leaped into the air, now inches away from touching Bad Kaeloo.
"Green light!" Bad Kaeloo spun around to reveal Kaeloo, and Mr. Cat crashed into the wall due to the unexpected height difference. Neither Kaeloo nor Bad Kaeloo thought he deserved to get what he wanted after how he'd been treating Kaeloo.
"Well, I sure am glad that's over!" Stumpy said. Then he paused, staring at Game Rule. "Why are ya still here?!"
"I'm moving to Smileyland for the foreseeable future," she explained. "Those are the terms of my mission."
"Oh, so you're a recurrin' character!" he said.
"Where's the 'Part 2' sign?" Mr. Cat asked Kaeloo as she peeled him off the wall.
"There isn't one. We're doing a story arc this season," she explained.
"A story arc?! But we've never done one of those!" he frowned. He did not like unexpected changes.
"Aw, come on Mr. Cat!" Kaeloo said, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure it'll be fine!"
"Yeah, sure, as long as there's only one new recurring character this season, I guess."
The haunting laughter of a group of seven little girls began to echo in his ears.