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Something is wrong.
Claire feels it even as she slumbers, and it peeps through her dreams. She struggles against that feeling until, finally, she wakes. The lamp on her wife’s side of the bed is on; that must be what startled her, even though it’s rarely been a problem before. Eve often wakes before she does – or did, when they still lived in Connecticut, since sometimes Eve would need to be up early for an emergency with one of her seniors – so it isn’t as though she hasn’t slept through this sort of thing before.
But something is…something is wrong.
Hey. Claire slowly sits up. She reaches over and rubs her wife’s back gently. Something wrong?
Eve starts to shake her head – a lie, Claire can feel how it’s a lie – and then stops. She presses her lips together, swallows, and then says, What if they don’t want you?
Oh.
Claire’s thought about that question a thousand times in the past few days, more than that over the past few months, even more over the course of her lifetime. She can’t tell Eve that she’s as marketable now as she can be; there are still things Eve doesn’t know, still things she doesn’t want her to find out. After a while, she’d gotten used to expecting that she was unwanted; after a while, she’d done her best anyway. Most of the time, that worked out.
But not always.
It doesn’t change anything, Claire murmurs gently. If they don’t want me, I’m out of work for a bit, but—
How could they—
People are scared. Clare wraps her arm around Eve and pulls her close. People are trying their best. They’re doing their best. Just like us. That’s all.
It’s not all, Claire wants to say. She wants to bite and snarl and fight. Which is really the answer.
Gently, gently Claire lifts Eve’s chin so that their eyes can just meet. If they don’t want me, then we regroup and fight harder. She shrugs. That’s all we can do. Fight and fight and keep fighting. So that even if they don’t want me now, maybe they’ll want someone like me later. Brendan, maybe.
Eve smiles, the barest hint of humor. Brendan wouldn’t be cut out for politics. He’s not interested in them either.
Hm. Claire pretends to consider this for a few moments. What about Rowena? When Eve’s brows knit together, she continues. Or Agatha. She’d be a great—
Eve laughs at that, long and loud, and that’s how Claire knows she’s won.
Claire leans forward and kisses her wife’s forehead. I love you.
I love you, too, Eve murmurs, and if they saw you the way I did, the whole world would want you.
With a chuckle, Claire kisses her wife’s nose. I don’t want them to want me like you—
That’s not what I meant! Eve frowns and then leans up and kisses her wife. Then she curls up against her. Remind me. When I get nervous again. Okay?
Of course. Claire leans back and holds Eve against her chest. As many times as you need.