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"So," Rutledge says - and Adam loves the guy, really he does (in the strictly platonic sense of the word, obviously, because Tanner is definitely a 'possessive? who me?' kind of guy) but sometimes, he doesn't.
"So," he says, because what else is he supposed to say?
"You and Tanner."
Analyzing stuff is kind of Rutledge's thing. Racing stuff, specifically. Car stuff. Tanner stuff, if you wish, even if, sure, Adam likes his cars, too. He just ... there's more to him than just cars, all right?
"Tanner and you."
Presumably, there's more to Tanner than just cars, too. Adam hasn't really caught him at it yet, but he's confident that, given time, he'll be able to have a conversation with Tanner that doesn't, at one point or another, involve a car.
"Sitting in a tree ... "
"What are you, five? And it was a Suzuki." And a yellow Ferrari, and an Audi, and a particularly lovely Cadillac Coupe de Ville and a couple of others. Once, it was even a bed, although there wasn't a lot of kissing going on that one time - it was more of a my-bed--my-bed-oh-[beep]-it-let's-just-share sort of thing.
(For the record: Adam had totally called dibs on the bed first.)
"Our Suzuki?" Rutledge looks like he actually ever drives the thing.
"No, not our Suzuki." By which Adam means the Suzuki isn't some sort of shared commodity, but Rutledge is free to take it to mean the other thing. Frankly, Adam can't quite imagine getting Tanner into a Suzuki that hasn't at least been around a racing track a few times.
Tanner isn't just carsexual; he's picky.
"Oh. Good."
Adam considers leaving it at that, at this. "We've had sex, too." On the other hand, if Rutledge is going to be weird about this, he'd rather just get it over with. "Plan to have some more."
"Okay, do I ever tell you when I'm making plans with the wife?" Rutledge grimaces. "Please. No details."
"Picnic. I remember a picnic."
"Picnics don't count."
Picnics are probably not a Tanner thing, Adam decides.
On the other hand, lunch is pretty much an everyone-does-it thing, so that might work. They've got a half-hour lunch break, usually, but it's not as if anyone's going to come looking too quickly, so he reckons they've got an hour, at least.
Adam figures something can be done with an hour and a shiny new Porsche.
"We're not eating in there."
Tanner, possibly, figures something can be done with those two things, too, only lunch isn't that something.
"You don't eat in cars?" Adam asks. It's possible he sounds a little bit incredulous because, well, come on. It's not as if he's suggesting they're going to engage in a foodfight in there. Sure, there might be a few crumbs, but that's what vacuum cleaners are for. "You have sex in cars, but you won't eat in them? How is that even logical?"
There's this saying, Adam recalls slightly too late. About what happens when you ask a stupid question.
(He'd have to say, though, that the first adjective that comes to mind to describe Tanner's non-verbal reply isn't 'stupid', per se.)
"Ouch," Rutledge says, which summarizes things admirably, even if Adam would have sort of prefered not to have his defeat made quite so public.
"Just a small speed bump along the ride."
"That's relationships for you." Rutledge nods sagely. Adam would be annoyed, except that, well, it is Rutledge. Rutledge the Family Man. If anyone'd know a few things about long-term relationships, it's probably Rutledge.
"He's just doing it to be annoying." Adam considers. "And you know what? It's working. He's very annoying. I'm annoyed."
"The two of you should probably talk about this." Rutledge the Relationship Guru.
"I don't want to talk about this. I just want him to stop being such an [beep]."
Rutledge nods. "You're right. I mean, if he prefers annoying you over making out in a car, that's sending a pretty clear message, isn't it?"
It's sort of cute, Adam thinks, the way Rutledge can't seem to quite bring himself to say 'sex'.
On the other hand, it's not as if Adam's really looking to be discussing his sex life here. On the other other hand, this conversation is sort of making them sound like a couple of teenage girls.
"Ugh."
"Doesn't that just say it all?"
"Oh, come on. It was lunch," Tanner says.
Adam would have liked this statement to be a sign of Tanner cracking - after two days of both Adam and Rutledge giving him the cold shoulder, possibly. (Adam would do it because he can be an [beep], too, just watch him, and Rutledge would do it because he's nice and supportive that way.)
Instead, he's getting it four hours after his talk with Rutledge. One second of Tanner looking surprised and two seconds of Tanner looking exasperated after Rutledge has suggested he and Adam need to talk about their fight.
"Adam wanted to eat in the car, I didn't. That's all."
"I didn't just want to eat in the car," Adam says. He can feel Rutledge's support slipping away from him.
"You didn't say you didn't just want to eat in the car," Tanner says, which is so obviously a completely unreasonable argument that Adam can't even begin to refute it.
"I think the thing we can all learn from this, children, is that we should all try to communicate more clearly." Rutledge the Acting Oh So Mature One.
Tanner shrugs, looking smug. Clearly not believing Rutledge's advise applies to him.
What he should do now, Adam thinks, is to walk away. A dramatic exit. Simply turn his back on them both and carry the moral victory.
"I don't want to eat in the car," he says instead. "You don't want to eat in the car. So how about it?"
"Sounds good," Tanner says. "I'll see you both tomorrow, then."
("On the bright side, at least you guys didn't have a fight," Rutledge says.)