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It’s been a busy day.
From meetings, to signing documents, conversations with the ruling council concerning budgets, visiting the progress on the academy. And before she knew it, another day had turned to night.
She had dismissed her personal guards for the night, taken a quick shower to wash away the day and slipped into her nightgown.
She was still advised not to go anywhere alone. Not that she took that advice to heart. The war was still fresh on their minds and it seems it will take her people some time to recover from that. but she trusted her protectors and This is her home after all, isn't it?
The palace almost felt like a different place in the dead of night. The hallways were wider, longer, more mysterious without the bright glow of the sun bathing the space. It felt vast, but there was beauty to it. The only sound that could be heard were her careful footsteps as she walked to the one corridor she's longed to be all day. She stands by the door, her fingers gripping the handle, She takes a deep breath and she enters. The space is still, just as it was outside but the air is warmer. It smells of lilies and fresh linen, it smells like him–
Baby.
She spots the cot in the middle of the room. And inside, her most precious joy. Sleeping peacefully, his head to one side, his tiny hands in fists above his head as his chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm, and he dreams. She wonders of what.
What do babies dream of?
Of what, she’s not sure, but he has certainly grown in the last 48 hours since she last laid eyes on him. It was happening far too quickly. Was it normal for it to happen so quickly? She was swamped all day with meetings and deadlines that had to be met. But her heart has remained here, with him. As it always has the moment he drew his first breath. She can only hope he feels it. She leans closer, her mind drifts to who this little being will be. Will he be boisterous and humorous? Serious and unassuming? Earnest? mischievous? Will he be tall like her father? Or more slight like his own?
"He is beautiful, isn't he?" a voice comes from the shadows and it jumpstarts her heart. "Oh Sura," she breathes. "Didn't see you there"
Sura gives her a remorseful glance. "Apologies, my lady. It wasn't my intention to startle you"
Satine waves her off, "It's alright... I assumed I was alone, given the time," she whispers,
The other woman steps closer, putting down the blanket in a neat stack she was folding.
"I was just about to retire."
That is a hint if she's ever heard one. When picking the person to care for the young prince, she had wished for someone fully dedicated to the task and Sura was exactly that. It seems the women spent Day and Night with her boy. It was hard enough leaving him in the hands of someone else, and she had agonized over who was deemed worthy to care for him long before he arrived. Sura had years of experience, more knowledge on child reering than she ever could and she did her job well. He was loved in her care, Because of this she would not get in her way. besides, It is far too late to be standing over his crib fawning over him.
"As we all should," Satine states, moving away from the boy
But Sura has a different idea all together.
"You should hold him," She states, for a moment she's not sure what to answer,
"Oh–i.. I don't wish to disturb him."
"Nonsense," Without another word Sura reaches into the cot, scooping up the sleeping child with ease. Before Satine has any time to protest. She carefully places him in her arms, his little back arching, stretching as he's lifted but he sleeps right through the exchange in her arms. He burrows into her, seeking her warmth until he finally goes slack. And oh. Hes a wonderful weight in her arms. This. This is what she's wanted all day. Simply to hold him. Her heart hammers in her chest,
"Go on, sit." Sura insists.
She carefully settles in the rocking chair in the corner of the room, she can see him more clearly now. His thin lashes, his cheeks that have only gotten fuller since she last laid eyes on him.
"He loves to be held, even in his sleep."
Sura seems to be right because the baby is already half buried into her. His arms framing his face, lips puckered and his tiny frame more relaxed than before. Almost as if he belongs here.
Of course he does.
She didn't get to have him the way she wished.
Two days.
That's all she had with him before he was sent away. She had agonized over the decision for weeks, and the time spent with him made it all worse, but it was a compromise she'd have to make.
She couldn't show up to Sundari with a newly born child. So she agreed to send him away for 3 months. enough time would pass and she can claim him as a relative, an orphaned child of war. Left parentless and alone and she'd have to take him in and she'd claim him as her nephew. She cried for weeks after. How was it possible to love someone she knew so little about.
"How is he?"
Sura smiles, "Wonderful, my lady. Perfect in almost every way. He doesn't fuss unless he's wet or hungry, he sleeps well, eats well. he has become more attentive to his surroundings. He is an absolute joy."
and it is Wonderful news. She should be overjoyed. He is thriving and growing. Then why does that make her heart so heavy? Satine smiles, trying to blink back traitorous tears. She stares at him, wondering if he felt the sting of her absence at all. Her hands still on his small chest as she feels his heart beat, his deep breathing and she doesn't say anything more. Time seems to melt away until she hears Sura calling for her.
"My lady?"
Satine looks up in the woman’s direction, "Yes, Sura."
"I'll be leaving now. He should be hungry in an hour or so. I've left you the formula in case you're still here by the time he wakes. If not, Vi'nah could come–"
"I'll do it. Be sure to let her know,"
"Of course, my lady."
So she sits there, holding her son and rocking him as she watches him rest. Eventually he stirs awake, stretching and yawning and pausing to stare up at her.
"Hello, Darling..oh, look at you," she chimes,
He remains still, his eyes staring back, assessing. Who knew an infant could have such a gaze? he has his eyes, she thinks, her hands run through his small chest to his arms all the way to the tips of his fingers
"you are quiet a sight, aren't you, Kor?" The boy moves his lips, his cooing filling the silence and she laughs
Perhaps the young prince won't be the silent type after all.
"yes, hello to you too. It's good to see you...it's..." She hesitates for a moment. "It's me, your Mama."
It's almost strange saying it out loud. Mama is something her son will never call her. It's a small price to pay for the boys safety. But in the dead of night, in the comfort of this nursery, she can whisper her love and truth.
She is his mother.
It's a secret honor she will hold for as long as she lives.
"I've been a terrible host. You've been here all of two days and I've barely had a chance to see you. "
The boy stares up at her, smacking his lips before whining.
"Alright, Just a moment."
She watches as the boy drinks eagerly. Once he's finished she's sways with him, speaking nonsense, whispering age old lullabies from her childhood, she breathes him in. Remember this, remember it well kissing his soft cheek, and eventually, the babies eyes start to close once more.
How can she let him go?
She does eventually, when her own eyes start to close, she lays him gently in his cot.
"Until tomorrow, Korkie."