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It's been months, too many, since the last time he saw him, months since his attempt at recovering memories failed and since this little project was shut down by Al-Haitham and months since Nahida told him that there was nothing they could do about it. He knows every book in the house of Daena, allowed and forbidden, months since the traveler told him about that time he almost went to jail and how he saved some people in Fontaine, how he wanted to fight the hydro dragon which, surprisingly, made him smile a little under his hat, trying to hide both the fact that he misses him and that he’s still the same puppy that urged him to fight in the headquarters of the fatui.
“You don’t happen to know where he is right now, do you?” Wanderer asked the traveler one afternoon while hiding from other people at the akademiya who wanted to ask about his inazuman studies and were curious as to how and why he knew so much about that nation, given that he is a wanderer.
The traveler gave him a little sad smile while shaking his head, looking over the horizon as wanderer grabbed his forbidden books.
“The last time I saw him he was thrown into a void by his master, I’m not sure where he landed, he might be at home! ― home. The thought made wanderer laugh softly, his laugh filled with sadness as he held tight to his books, close to his chest, close to the shirt pocket where he kept a souvenir he once received from one of the other man’s trips, his grip making his slender fingers brush the hard keychain over his shirt, giving the traveler a sad look.
“If I hear about him, I promise I’ll let you kn-” He was interrupted harshly, biting his words.”No need, I don’t care, I was trying to be polite, practicing”. He added mockingly, yes, he practiced his manners, Nahida would never make him forget that, in the end, the traveler was who helped him and he wanted, needed, and had to be polite to them.
Before the traveler could say something, he was met with the wanderer’s back as he walked off, entering the akademiya and going directly to the section to which only a few people had access, the forbidden books section. It was wrong. He tried everything. Every experiment he could find the books, even sacrificing one of his souvenirs that once belonged to his lover, which hurt him the most, he held onto a few things, a keychain in the form of a whale with the initials on the back, a ruin guard plushie, one of his shirts, one of his replacement earrings and one ring he stole from the man’s collection, although he never wore them.
Laughing, Scaramouche held the starconch plate that held his lovers' belongings, rings, replacement earrings, and a pair of reading glasses that made Scara laugh and said “you look like an old man” and from there, days before embarking on a new journey, he stole a silver ring that was engraved on the inside with the man’s initials.
“Don’t act like you don’t like it when I look like that” he said forcing a light pink blush on Scara’s face, going up to his ears which were kissed softly by the other man as he hugged his tiny form from the back, hiding his face on the crook of his neck, laughing softly. “You look stupid in them” Scara tried to bite back, earning a tight grip on his waist as a trail of kisses moved from his neck to his cheek.
He remembered everything, even those bickering moments they shared while hugging or the eternal fights that left them tired and panting one on top of the other in the middle of the training field. Scara pouted while he walked out of the akademiya, often ignoring invitations to dinners with Tighnari and Cyno, Al-Haitham and Kaveh, those happy couples that reminded him of something he once had, something he missed, something he wanted back so bad but didn’t know how.
He held his keychain tightly, pouting again as he kicked an invisible rock that lifted some dust off the ground, sighing and being interrupted by some idiot asking a stupid question he couldn’t hear cause he was so focused on trying to stop the tears that run down his face, wiping them with his free hand and angry, why couldn't he be alone, it’s almost the middle of the night, there are birds and crickets making sounds around him, dimmed lights that lighted the path he was taking and why couldn’t he be alone with his thoughts? Why?
“What?!?” He barked, biting back his tears, wanting to rip open the other person’s throat. Fucking great. “What?!?! Don’t you have someone better to bother, Ajax?!” he realized what he said, he froze in his place and when he was about to say something, he lifted his face off the ground and recognized the grey suit pants in front of him, tears streamed down his cheeks, his free hand came to his mouth as to hide the -almost- scream that came out of him, biting his lip, recognizing the way the vision hand at his hip and that space his stupid shit left where you could see his skin.
“Kunikuzushi?” Ajax stood in front of him and called him by the name no one else dared to call him, a forgotten name, something that was in his past, something that was supposed to be hidden from the world. Ajax's big blue piercing eyes were fixed on him, teary, surprised. Scara trembling, his body feeling like he might faint any second, his hands sweaty, holding his souvenir as if his life depended on it, parted lips as if he wanted to say something, maybe say no, maybe say yes, maybe run away and never look back, run and hide, fly and hide. What would Nahida tell him to do now? What does he need to do now? His vision was blurry but he saw a hand coming to his face and, although he meant to pull away, his face logged for that feeling, he leaned into the touch of the rough hands that would fight anything that moved. His breathing began to calm down, and his teary eyes closed as a hand came to rest on the nape of his neck pulling him into the tall body in front of him, a sigh escaped Ajax, laughing softly. "I..." Scara wouldn't say anything, was he hated? Did Ajax recover his memories? Did Ajax hate him cause he erased his existence and made him forget what they once had?
“It's okay..." He heard a whisper from Ajax as he hid his face in the crock of Scara's neck, earning a sob from the shorter man, his experiment failed over five months ago after the Fontaine incident, did Childe recover his memories while he was resting? Was he okay now? Scara's lip trembled as Ajax took the smallest step back to hold his lover's face between his hands, Scara's lips parted lightly, tears drying in his cheeks, which were being wiped away by the other man's thumbs.
"I’ve looked everywhere for you”.