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When you first saw Kieran in Colter, you like everyone else in the camp were skeptical of him. Others more than you due to you not fully understanding the beef between them and the O’Driscolls. But what you did know is that they were a pain in the ass to deal with. So you of course didn’t like him. But under that dislike was a small but growing feeling of attraction but you didn’t dare tell anyone about it. You thought it was wrong to like someone like him, an O’Driscoll, but he too had feelings for you. While he was tied up in Colter and HorseShoe Overlook he often stared at you, trying to make conversation but it never lasted long. It was always hey or him asking for some water or food. You both pushed aside your feelings for a while. That was until he was untied from the tree and was “officially” part of the gang. It didn’t take long for you both to start talking, he seemed very eager to talk to you but you were still a little hesitant with him. But soon you warmed up to him and some time after you began to date him. Surprisingly he was the one to ask you out and you happily agreed.
The relationship was going well, better than well. For an O’Drsicoll he was kind, mindful, caring, and loving. At the start, he was extremely anxious but with plenty of patience and love, you managed to break through his anxious exterior and saw who he truly was. As time went on he grew very clingy with you. He was always around you, helping you with chores, and making life in camp less boring. You loved how clingy he was and he loved how you accepted him. He was happy to finally have someone who treated him how he wished to be treated and better for a change. But with his clingy behavior came attention from others in camp. At first, it didn’t bother you at all, you ignored them and continued to show him the kindness and love he showed you. Things were great for a while but as time went on the judgment from the others only grew.
They picked on him for being clingy and they picked on you for liking him. You could ignore it but with everyone yapping their opinions about your relationship to you it made you start second-guessing things. You began to think dating him was a mistake. You hated how much they were messing with you and him about dating so it was only a matter of time before thoughts of breaking up with him started to come to mind. The more excessive the jokes and blatant disrespect were the more you drew back from Kieran. It was unintentional at first, but over time it was more obvious. Each time Kieran wanted to talk or hang out you made up some excuse or stayed out of camp to do work. He was understanding at the start of your distant behavior but the feeling of neglect only grew worse. When he craved your presence, the only person who seemed to tolerate, let alone love him was the one ignoring him made him feel terrible. He had a million and one questions but you were never there to answer them. You let other people's opinions about your relationship get into your head so badly that you neglected your partner and didn’t even notice how bad it got. Until he finally confronted you about it.
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It was evening in camp. Most folks passed their time by indulging in hobbies or collecting money. Since your morning was slow you decided to go out and pass the time. Before heading out you needed to get dressed and grab a few more supplies. While you were getting ready Kieran could be spotted brushing some of the horses, also trying to pass the time. Yet his attention was soon taken away from his task to you. He caught you walking up to your horse and instantly stopped what he was doing. A mixture of eagerness and anxiety swirling in his stomach. Your expression was plain from how focused you were on getting out of camp. So focused you didn’t notice Kieran making his way to you. You only noticed him when you were straddled on your horse when his voice pulled you from your train of thought.
“..H..hey…Can we talk?”
He asked quietly, a harsh swallow following after. His forehead was damp with nervous sweat, his lips pulled into a tight nervous smile as his eyes shyly met yours. He rested his hands on his chest, playing with his loosely tied bandana while he waited for your answer. You had a hunch about what he wanted to talk about but part of you didn’t want to hear it. You stared at him blankly, slightly nipping the skin on your lip as you thought of your next words. A few seconds passed before you pulled your gaze away from him and down at your horse. Like you did to him many times before, you were going to push him to the side. I’ll deal with this later you thought.
“I’m busy...We ca-”
“Please? P-please stop ignoring me...”
He pleaded. A look of desperation was now in his eyes as he walked forward and placed his hand over yours, hoping to stop you from moving. His grasp made you look back at him. Your once-blank expression is now slightly surprised as though you were shocked he would act this way to your neglect. Instead of dodging him, however, that look in his greyish-green eyes made you stop and finally listen to him. With a heavy sigh, you climbed off your horse and stood in front of him. A faint smile brushed his lips but your expression fell back to its neutral state. An uncomfortable and tense silence fell between you both. He nervously retreated his hands back to his bandana and fiddled with it, trying to ease his nerves.
“I...I ain’t mean to take ya away from yur work…But you’ve been uhm..different..”
He took a short pause to clear his throat. The look you gave him while he spoke continued to make his stomach swirl and sweat accumulate quickly.
“Now I ain’t one to accuse but...I know you’ve been ignoring me. D-Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong? Please tell me what I did, I don’t want you to be distant with me anymore..”
He cried out in a broken whisper, his voice getting caught in his throat as he spoke to you. You could hear him holding back tears while he pleaded to you, hoping you’d just tell him what he did wrong already so he could apologize and go back to the way things were. Each day he had to go without your tender touch and embrace to keep all his anxieties at bay was absolute torture. You stood there, arms crossed over your chest, taking in what he said, and wondering what you should do next with that same neutral expression. He anxiously waited for you to say something, However, the next words that would leave your mouth were the ones he hoped he wouldn’t hear.
“..I think we should break up.”
You said without an ounce of emotion behind those words. You spoke them so causally it made him pause, unsure if he heard you correctly. When your eyes met him you were met with widened and glossy eyes. The tears that he was holding back flooded down his face. His mouth hung slightly agape, in utter shock that you uttered those words to him like they didn’t mean anything. His body slumped forward as he continued whipping away his tears but only more came. His anxieties, worries, and fear plagued his being, making his body pulse every few seconds, his lips quiver, and his hands shake.
“W-what’d you mean?- W-why?? What did I do?”
He stammered out through trembling lips. His body ached as though you hit him in the chest. You didn’t answer his question again. You were right in front of him and you were still ignoring him. He was trying to hold himself together but the thought of losing you, the person he still loved deeply, made it harder as every second passed. His hands fidgeted with the collar of his shirt to try and relax himself but it no longer worked. You knew it wasn’t him who made you come to this decision, but hearing him ask “What did I do?” as if he was the cause of your odd behavior made your expression turn a little regretful. Your breaths became shallow and your gaze kept shifting, unable to maintain eye contact with him. You might’ve thought breaking up with him was for the better but you couldn’t deny you still felt something towards him.
“ It ain’t you. Never was you...but the others keep saying we shouldn’t date and all kinds of bull. Saying it ain't right..and I…I think they’re right.”
You said faintly, almost like you weren’t sure about your decision. To your surprise, he protested.
“Yur really gonna listen to ‘em? T-they don’t like me to begin with, w-why does their opinion matter about our relationship??”
He begged, hoping you’d agree that this was a foolish reason to break up. They’ve hated him ever since they captured him and you knew that. For a long time, you didn’t care. Maybe you were tired of all the judgment and instead of telling them off you believed them and thought that this was the best. You weren’t thinking for yourself, you let the other's opinions get in the way of your happiness. His happiness too. But you still couldn’t see that. Instead of choosing your lover's side, you were on the verge of siding with those who saw him as an inconvenience. As just another mouth to feed and nothing more. You continued to avert your gaze and took another step away from him. You felt your lips ready to tell him “This is for the best” and just walk away but he stopped you. He reached his hands out to you and grabbed your arms. A slightly tighter grip but not enough to hurt you. As he stepped forward he stumbled forward, falling to his knees in the mud but still holding onto your arms. Your heart stopped as you watched Kieran look up at you with widened and teary eyes. No longer trying to seem like this wasn’t hurting him. His lips trembled as he frowned up at you, hoping somewhere in your heart you would listen to him and change your mind.
“P-please choose me…Nobody ever chooses me…”
He cried, his grip on your arms growing slightly tighter.
“...please…e-expect my version of love…please.”
He whimpered out, unable to keep his words from slurring together. He leaned forward, letting his hands slide down your forearms and stopping at your hands. His roughened hands held your hands so tenderly even though they still were trembling. Unable to speak anymore he pressed his damp cheeks against your cool hands, the warmth of his face making your skin jolt but you didn’t pull away. You could feel his shaky breath brush against the backs of your hands. Softly but needily his scruffy bread brushed against your hands, he was too afraid to see or hear your next response but desperately missed the feeling of your skin on his. There you stood, face contorted in distraught as you watched your lover plead for you to love him. Something you should’ve been doing yet you were so focused on how they made you feel you forgot to consider how it made him feel. It broke your heart how negligent you were, how he had to get down on his knees and beg you for something you promised at the start of this relationship you’d give him unconditionally. Your mouth fell agape as the full realization of your negligence finally hit you. You were just like everyone else, treating him poorly because of everyone’s opinion. You were the one person in this camp who understood and took time to truly love him yet you refused to love him properly because you let other people’s opinions affect you. A gut-wrenching feeling of shame washed over you, finally realizing how cruel you were being to him for no good reason. There you stood, motionless and in shock as you listened to his quiet cries. Never did you think you’d be the cause for his tears, yet here you are.
Kieran remained on the ground, weeping with his cheek still pressed against your hands desperately wanting you to say or do something but too afraid to hear your true answer. He feared you’d pull away from him. He feared you didn’t love him anymore, That you saw him like everyone else did, An inconvenience. But unexpectedly he felt you move. Not away from him but towards him. You kneeled on the ground before him, oblivious to the mud that stained your bottoms. Slowly you pulled your hands from his and cupped his cheeks, gently making him look at you. His eyes were sunken with a reddish color from crying but seeing your face made his gaze soften. There you were, looking at him with tears in your eyes like him.
“I-i’m so sorry Kieran..I-I…I don’t know what I was thinking…I wasn’t thinking a-at all honestly…
You said with a broken laugh. His softened gaze was filled with shock as he heard your apology, happy to hear it but not fully believing it just yet. You both sat in silence for a few seconds before you then pulled his trembling body against yours and hugged him tightly. He slowly hugged you back but once both his arms were around you he clung to you like he was terrified to let go, which he was. Your hands rubbed his back and you rested your chin on his shoulder, letting him hug you as tightly as he needed to. It didn’t take long for his tears to flood his face. The feeling of your body entangled with his made him incredibly happy but sad he went so long without hugging you. You silently held him as he buried his face in your shoulder and cried some more but he still had questions. A minute passed before he felt stable enough to ask you his questions.
“D..Do you love me...?”
“...I do. Yes, I do love you.”
You assured him, but that wasn’t enough for him. After weeks of being pushed aside, why would something as simple as that fix everything? Holding him felt great, and talking with him felt great but you knew you’d need to do more than that to fix things.
“Then..then why’d you keep pushing me away..?”
He asked, his voice muffled from being buried in your shoulder. His voice was still shaky but grew steady as you both kept talking. His grip on you was still pretty tight but you didn’t care. If anything you were glad he was holding you. You missed his embrace but were too enveloped with your thoughts to notice it.
“Cuz I’m an idiot…I took you for granted and I…I’m sorry I did. I’m sorry I let them change how I felt about you..”
You took a short pause to gather the rest of your thoughts.
“I don’t want you to forgive me now...I don’t deserve that, I want to earn it…I’ll make it up to you..”
“How?”
“By doing what I’d say I’d do, love you.”
Hearing you say that made his racing heart calm slowly. You knew more than anyone that you didn’t deserve his forgiveness. But you still did love him. You were just so blinded by the others that you almost let yourself forget that. Your arms remained wrapped around his back tightly. He leaned into your touch, pushing most of his body weight against you while he listened quietly. Quietly. Did your actions hurt him? Of course. But hearing you say that you wanted to do better and still date him made a faint smile brush his lips. He remained quiet for a while, sniffling occasionally before he responded.
“I…I’d like that..”
He mumbled into your shoulder, slowly pulling back to look at you. He gave a small smile and you did in return. You pulled your hands away from his sides and cupped his cheeks once more. His face instantly melted into your grasp, missin' your embrace deeply. You felt a warm smile growing on your face. He’s so adorable, you thought to yourself. Without warning you pulled his face closer and kissed him deeply. When you kissed him his body jolted upright, but the feeling of your lips against his made his body slump forward soon after. He kissed back harshly, not intended to hurt you but he wanted this, needed this, he missed this badly. Thanks to him the kiss lasted longer than you thought, When you pulled back slightly he pressed his lips against yours passionately. But soon he realized he may have overdone it. You both pulled back, red in the face with a surprised expression. You kept holding his face which he seemed to enjoy, his smile growing by the second like yours.
“I’ll do better Kieran, I promise…You shouldn't beg for something you deserve.. ”
You said, leaning forward and planting a kiss on his forehead. A small hum of appreciation came from him afterward. Things weren’t perfect but you wouldn’t continue to let someone else ruin what you both had. You would show him the love you’ve kept from him for so long and regain the trust you lost with him. Instead of letting people talk down on you and him, you were going to stand up for him. You were going to do what you should’ve been doing, taking care of what you love.