Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nobody really expected much of the youngest brother. Which is great, in a way. Sometimes Todomatsu thinks it's the best stroke of luck in the world, having five elder brothers… who all happened to be deadbeat unemployed slacker underachievers with no accomplishments to look up to, no expectations to meet. No jobs. No college. No ambition, no pressure.

And then sometimes he catches himself thinking that and just wants to vomit.

Okay, fine. To be honest, he could slack off with the best of them and then some. There's a part of him that would be perfectly happy leeching off of his parents for the rest of his life, staying in their six tatami-mat room all day playing games with Jyushimatsu and texting girls. That kind of life has its appeal, he can't lie.

But he's also restless, for some reason. He's 20 years old and has no idea what he’s going to do a week from now, let alone the rest of his life. "No plans," Karamatsu would say, and he'd roll his eyes at how painful that expression was. It was painful, and it was painfully true. No plans, no expectations, no accomplishments...

He takes up running. He schedules more dates with more girls. He leaves the house all day and comes back late in vain attempts to forget he even has five other brothers in his life, but the restlessness doesn’t go away.

- - -

          totty!! hiii! ❤❤
          omg its been forever since i talked to u
          how r u doing??

He stares at the phone for a few seconds, trying to put a name and a face to the text that came in. ‘yui_0791’ … that wasn’t ringing any bells. He knew dozens of Yuis. He’s pretty sure one of the girls coming to see the movie with him in a few minutes was a Yui. 80% sure, anyway.

But he had a few minutes to kill before Maybe-Yui and her friend were showing up. And he had more than 200 friends on LINE, and he barely knew a fourth of them. He could chat with Unknown-Yui for a few, sure. Until the movie starts.

yui-chan, hello! ❤
whats up? wow it rly has been a while
i missed u a lot, u know?
im fine but i was so lonely without u lol
          omg totty shut up!!
its true tho!
          stop itttt

He grins. He doesn’t even have to know who the hell the girl is, after all.

how have u been yui-chan?
u mustve been busy if u couldnt text me
my heart was breaking…
          totty!!!
          ok ur right tho i was rly busy this summer
          i went to france with my family! ✈✈
          we saw the eiffel tower and everything
wooow thats rly cool!!
did u take pics?
          duh!

Unknown-Yui sends a selfie of herself posing in front of the camera with the aforementioned Eiffel Tower in the background, slightly blurry and sun-glared. Cute, he thinks absently. To be honest, he… still can’t quite place her face, but whatever. He got her LINE contact somewhere. At the park or a cafe or wherever. Did it even matter?

wow the eiffel tower sure looks beautiful
but yui-chan is the real beauty in the pic
          totty im going to punch u!!!!!
im kidding!!
or am i
no but im really happy for u that sounds like a lot of fun! im almost jealous tbh

Their parents weren’t poor by any means, but a summer vacation to Europe wasn’t happening any time soon. His brothers would ruin it, anyway.

one day u and i should take a vacation to france too
just the ❤ two ❤ of ❤ us!
          omggg
          but i just came back from france so ur appeal fails
          nice try tho!
yui ur so cruel
but thats what i love about u
send me more pics?
          of me or of france?
u know the answer!
          lol ok!
          heres more france!
mean!!

He barely looks at the picspam she throws his way and just checks the phone for the time instead. Maybe-Yui and her friend should be appearing any moment now. Well, at least Unknown-Yui had sent a picture of her face so he knows for sure she wasn’t the same Yui coming to meet him today. How awkward would that be? Though, he supposes they could talk about France some more or something.

The pictures come in fast and furious: Yui winking in front of the Louvre glass pyramid, Yui making a peace sign before the Arc de Triomphe, Yui in a thick coat waving at a cloudy sunrise—

hey yui-chan where was that last one from
it looked like somewhere rly tall!
lmao whoops that one wasnt france at all
          i climbed fujisan about a wk after i came back
          that pic was from the peak!
fujisan??
wooow yui-chan im impressed!
i didnt think u were (—Wait, delete delete. It’s true that he didn’t peg her as the athletic type, whoever she was, but it’s unflattering to put it that way!)
ur even tougher than i thought!
          hehe thx!
          it was pretty tough
          but u definitely get a sense of accomplishment when u reach the top!
did u go with ur family?
          just my sister!
          shes hugging me in the pic but i guess she got cut off
          idk maybe u can see her arm lol
cute!
u should introduce me sometime
          nooo!!!!!!

He cracks a grin without realizing it, then glances reflexively at the time again. Maybe-Yui and her friend still weren’t here yet? There were five minutes to go until the start of the movie! They’d better not be standing him up!

u sure live an interesting life yui-chan
why didnt u tell me u were having such an exciting summer?
going to france and climbing mountains lmao
ive been lonely!
          noooo ur just saying that!!
          but ok totty it slipped my mind i guess
          gomen!
          u didnt ask me about my summer plans rite?
          i wud totally have told u for sure i swear!

Well… no, he didn’t ask. He had over 200 friends on LINE! There’s no way he could keep up with all of them, or half of them, or even the fourth of them whose names he probably knows after a few seconds thinking about it. And it wasn’t as though he was actually interested in what Unknown-Yui was doing in her life, to be honest. He was just flattering her, he still didn’t have any idea who the hell she was—

          tottyyy
          did u do anything cool over the summer too?

Oh. That was an easy one.

No.

No he didn’t.

He woke up everyday in the same futon with his brothers, spent the day slacking off with them or going out with girls he didn’t care about and barely remembered the names of, then went back home to eat dinner and eventually crash in the same futon with his brothers snoring around him again. Day in, day out. That was the way things had been ever since they graduated high school and gave up on pursuing college or entering the workforce. Ever since they became NEETS.

Nothing fucking happened. It’s great, in a way. And then sometimes he catches himself thinking that, and…

Maybe there was something wrong with him. He had a pretty awesome life, right? With no worries or cares. But he had nothing to show for it, nothing he could even tell a casual girlfriend about for the summer—

“Totty~!”

And from out of nowhere, Maybe-Yui and her friend surfaced from the sidewalk crowd. Saved! He was beginning to wonder if they’d ever show up. He waves back in relief— “Heey!”—and keys in a quick goodbye to Fuji-Yui.

sry i gtg! got a movie in 2 mins
we should catch up and catch a movie too sometime tho
          omg yes pls
          anytime totty!! ❤❤

He shoves his phone back in his pocket and hurries to meet his movie dates. Who were they again… time for a shot in the dark. “Yui, I thought you’d abandoned me back there. How cruel!”

“Sorry, Totty! Our bus was late and my phone died—”

They enter the theatre and he tries to put everything else out of mind.

Chapter Text

He had his lazy days and his restless ones. There were times when he could stay in the futon until two in the afternoon just wasting time on his phone, until even Ichimatsu had left the covers and Choromatsu was yelling at him to get up and stop being useless. Those were the lazy days.

And then there were times he sleeps lightly and gets up at the crack of dawn with Jyushimatsu, who’s always the first one up with the sun and a sunny smile. It’s because he can fall asleep at the drop of a hat at night and he’s not bothered by his own enormous snores, Todomatsu suspects. He used to take a soccer ball and kick it around a little to keep his brother company as Jyushimatsu practiced his swings, but gave up after Jyushimatsu batted his ball up into the clouds. Twice.

The first time he was really tempted to shake his older brother's shoulders in frustration and plot... some kind of payback, he had no idea what exactly. Jyushimatsu had just grinned back at him guilelessly, still holding that bat. Not threateningly, but— “Was that a home run?”

The second time it happened, he just watched the ball disappear into the sky without saying anything. Jyushimatsu had pumped his fists into the air with a whoop. “Home run!” And then dashed off who-knows-where. Probably trying to run the bases, wherever those would be.

So Todomatsu took up running too. He couldn’t afford to buy more soccer balls on the regular, though he did hope the last two hadn't broken through windows or concussed anyone (or, if they had, that it couldn't possibly be traced back to him or his brother). Running was cheaper, anyway. All he needed were shoes and his phone for music. He wasn't very athletic—that was Jyushimatsu again—but he wasn't trying to break any records or anything. He was just restless. He wanted to... do something, he had no idea what. Something that wasn't fucking around on his phone all day. Which was perfectly fine on the lazy days, until the lazy days started to pile up and he felt like suffocating.

But running gets him out of the house and away from his brothers, which is always a plus. Away from Osomatsu and his slacking, Karamatsu posing at his mirror, Choromatsu reading idol magazines, Ichimatsu curled in the corner, Jyushimatsu... being Jyushimatsu. Any time away from his madhouse family was time well spent.

He used to get tired way too quickly and walk back home with stitches in his sides and sweat running down his neck. He'd duck into the restroom and primp until he looked cute again and not at all out of breath when he returned to his brothers' room and spent the rest of the day being a well-earned couch potato. But he was improving, slowly. And the city was opening up to him like a map. Neighborhoods and family stores passed by like picture reels as he got into a rhythm with the beat of the pop music in his earbuds. Sometimes he planned out his running routes in advance, other times he found himself just taking the familiar paths to the pachinko parlor, Chibita's oden stand, their favorite bars, the bathhouse, the fishing pool.

But what he really liked was exploring. Tokyo was a huge city with districts that went on forever. Someone could run its streets every day for years and still bump into something new.

Today he stopped by a cafe downtown, winded and thirsty. The barista behind the counter blushed cutely when he asked for an iced coffee and her number. He received both, then left the building to take an outside seat in the fresh air.

It was a flawless summer day, cloudless and humid. Pretty soon it would be too hot to keep running. He supposes the cafe makes a decent stopping point and wipes some sweat from his temple, sips his drink and snaps a selfie of himself with the straw poised between his lips. “Cooling off from the morning run with a #coffeebreak!” Then uploads the pic to twitter and watches the likes roll in.

This is how he likes to start a morning, with the pleasant burn of exertion in his calves and the condensation of a cool drink under his fingertips. Relaxing and people-watching. Salarymen and businesswomen, schoolboys and college girls walk by in a constant stream of chatter for their morning commute. He just looks on with detached interest.

Man, it's nice to not be a part of that daily grind, right? Not that he had a grudge against school. He hadn't been a great student, but it was decent fun. At least there were plenty of girls, which is more than he could say for being a NEET at home. He could have given university a try if he really had to, but after Osomatsu and Karamatsu and even Choromatsu showed no signs of applying, he just didn't bother.

On the other hand, entering the workforce didn't sound like fun at all! He'd had part time jobs before, but those practically came with a built-in time limit to make it bearable. For instance, once summer was over, he'd have to stop working those bare minimum few hours a week to return to school...

Those time limits were over. So was school. But the summer still had some time to go. He could run whenever he'd like, but society had its own schedule.

He sips his coffee with half-closed eyes. There was a sign on the cafe window advertising open part-time positions and for a moment he entertains the idea of wearing that apron and uniform, of topping off the orders from cute female patrons with whipped cream and his number on a napkin. He could flirt with his coworkers—wasn't that barista wearing a nametag? Sacchi, or something? She was probably a university student. They could grow closer, go out for karaoke or even a mixer if they had the next day off...

Maybe this restlessness was really getting to him, if he was even considering working to temper it. Or maybe that fantasy was way too much, even for a pipe dream.

The shadows shift slightly. Sunlight slants off the reflective surface of the next building over and right into Todomatsu's eyes. He winces but lifts a hand to shade against the sun, squinting against the light to the crowd of humanity on the street, the traffic on the road. Above them, skyscrapers closed in overhead like bookends. Farther away was the city skyline silhouetted against the sky. And somewhere beyond that was the white-capped peak of Mount Fuji.

It was surreal, suddenly. All his life, he's lived only a few hours away from the highest and most historic, holy mountain in the country. And for some reason he was never actually conscious of this until now. Did those businessmen ever think about Fuji? Did Sacchi? They must have been like him. It wasn't as if they were totally oblivious of its existence. Of course he knew it was there, it was basically Japan's most famous landmark! And yet, so what? It was just there, existing. Being a mountain. While he'd been going to school, while his parents were going to work, while his grandparents and ancestors were growing up and living their lives and dying years ago, it was there. In the background, a part of the landscape. Massive, but apart from life. Who cared about the mountain?

Now that he thought about it, he wasn't even sure he knew anyone who had ever climbed it, with the exception of that one girl. Climbing Fuji was like a tourist thing, wasn't it? It was for foreigners. And... Shinto priests? Wasn't there a shrine at the top or something? It annoyed him how little he knew about the famous mountain, but right now he was even more annoyed by being annoyed in the first place.

What was up with that! It was just a mountain! Was it such a big deal? Well, okay, it's important and famous and definitely qualifies as a big deal, but! It's ridiculous to be overthinking something like this in the first place. What was wrong with him?

He pulls up a new tab on his phone and one-handedly types in “climb fuji” just out of curiosity. Wiki sites, travel blogs, and FAQs popped up in the feed by the dozen. He scrolls through a few, checking out the pictures from the peak. They really weren't anything special, to be honest. Fuji looked pretty majestic from the distance, but from the summit it just looked like a rocky slope, as far as he could tell.

But you can't capture everything with a camera. He personally knows plenty of girls who doctor their selfies to look gorgeous, when they were just plain in reality. So in Fuji's case it might be the opposite, with plain-looking pictures... okay, they were pretty nice-looking sunrises, he admits, but they weren't exceptional or anything. There was probably something exceptional about the peak that couldn't be captured in a photo. Why else would so many people climb up and stay overnight in crappy cramped lodges just to see the sunrise? Clearly they must be foreign or religious or had something to prove.

He was several tabs deep in bus schedules and itineraries before the time in the status bar catches his eye. Shit, he'd spent a lot more time here than he'd meant to, resting and people watching and... thinking about mountains, apparently. He'd better hurry back home for breakfast, or there would be nothing left for him. At least he already finished most of his coffee.

He downs the rest, tosses the cup, and pulls up the map app to check the quickest route back. It wouldn't be a bad idea to start taking some longer morning runs and build up more stamina. Just, incidentally.

But that’s for some other day.

Chapter Text

Osomatsu and Choromatsu hadn't exercised since high school. Karamatsu was too painful to hang out with for extended periods of time. Ichimatsu hated leaving the house. Jyushimatsu would leave him in the dust.

Todomatsu had over 200 friends on LINE and zero idea who he possibly could have invited to climb Fuji with him.

What? It was totally different from inviting someone to a movie or shopping or drinks! He'd have his pick of the litter if it was anything like that. But mountain-climbing wasn't exactly a topic that came up much in casual conversations on dates.  Or at all, more like. He did know a few sporty girls who would probably be into it, but what if they totally outpaced him or made a fool of him being an amateur? This was his first mountain, damn it!

Maybe it was an ambitious goal, as far as first mountains go. He couldn't help it. It started with idle curiosity and impulse. It ends with him now on a bus at 7 in the morning headed to the Fuji Subaru Line 5th station to begin his ascent.

Alone.

Maybe he didn't need company to make a fool of himself, maybe he could do it perfectly fine on his own!

Summer was ending and so was climbing season. It was now or never, or at least never until next year. Waiting and preparing further was probably the smarter option, if he really stopped to think about it. But he was on a roll with this making-a-fool-of-himself thing. Why be a combo-breaker now?

Anyway, so maybe he wasn't completely alone. The bus wasn't stuffed with people, but it was decently occupied with what looked like several entourages of tourists, a couple university-age students, a few well-equipped hiker-types with walking sticks and tripods. And then there was him. University-age, sure, but not a student even if he might've looked like one. He'd be a fake. A NEET.

He'd never really been ashamed of being a NEET, unlike Choromatsu and probably Ichimatsu. If he had the opportunity to be supported for the rest of his life without doing anything, he'd take it. But sometimes when he took his eyes off his phone screen for a few seconds and looked at the world moving on around him, he wondered if he was just trying to fool himself.

Probably… not… right?

Well, even if he wasn't technically alone on the bus, he might as well be. The tourists were happily chatting among themselves in foreign languages. The students were sharing a few snacks together in their little friend group. The hikers were... okay, a few of them were napping and some of the others were examining their cameras or reading maps. But they certainly looked like they knew what they were doing. At least there weren't any priests, as far as he could tell.

Todomatsu frowns and pulls his beanie over his eyes. He'd never really gotten into the habit of wearing hats before, but a lot of guides recommended one and it would definitely be cold up there on the peak, so he bought it. It felt kind of strange. He wasn't sure if he liked the look, but it was warm.  That's probably what was most important here. It's hard to look cute in mountain-climbing gear!

But he did try. Grey parka, pink scarf, hiking boots, rain pants... most of those layers were packed away for when it got colder near the top.  Right now, he could afford to wear capris while it was warmer at the lower elevation.  But he still wondered if he looked as much of an amateur as he felt. He didn't even want to take any selfies for twitter. What if he didn't even reach the top?

No, he had to reach the top. He'd been running everyday and preparing for weeks now! He'd saved and planned and rented a spot at a lodge already. He had to reach the top.

The bus finally pulls into the station after what feels like months of waiting, but was realistically more like two and some hours. Close enough. He files out of the vehicle behind the flock of foreigners, who beeline to the mini-mall cluster of shops offering souvenirs and supplies, postcards and hiking sticks. Todomatsu considers the last item for a moment. There are lodge stations farther up the mountain that brand novelty seals to the hiking sticks as proof of the climber's ascent. It was like a trophy. He could buy one and bring it back home and maybe club his brothers with it when they picked on him.

But they might burn it or snap it in half in revenge. Anyway, wouldn't using a walking stick make him look like an old man? Gross.

He'd eaten a decent breakfast and packed plenty of rations in his bag, but he stops by a shop and buys an umeboshi onigiri anyway.  It's considerably more expensive than it should be, obviously. He unwraps it as he makes his way towards the trail, snaps a picture of it even if it looks completely ordinary, and imagines uploading it to twitter (“first purchase and snack on the mountain!”) but eventually decides against it. He hadn't even mentioned his Fuji trip to his timeline. Who would be interested in it? Everyone followed him for his cute fashion and fun dating life, not mountains. He wouldn't follow any rando for mountains, that's for sure.

He stops at the trail head and stares at the torii and the dirt path stretching before him, studded with hikers. It was... maybe he wasn't sure what he was expecting.  Something grand that would blow him away?  It wasn't exactly an amazing or majestic entrance to the journey ahead of him. He knew that this route or even most of the Fuji routes weren't romantic photogenic landscapes full of wildlife and waterfalls. Full of rocks and shrubs, more like. It was plain and minimalist. Fuji looked awe-inspiring from far away. Close up, it didn't give a shit about looking good.

He must be really out of it if he was personifying a mountain now.

His fingertips twitch against his phone. It's hard to break a habit and he's itching to take a selfie, but that group of college students was heading his way.  Wouldn't it look pretty lame to take a picture of himself in the open like this? Only friendless losers would do that! And he has... plenty of friends...

One of the students, a man in glasses and a pom-pom hat on his head, offers him a cheerful two-fingered salute as he passes by. “Good luck!”

“Ah, you too—” What happened to his natural charm? He watches a brown-haired girl detach from the group and link arms with the guy in glasses and feels a pang of loneliness hit him again. Maybe he should have invited one of his sporty girlfriends to go with him after all. Even Jyushimatsu seemed like he'd be good company right about now.

He waits until the college group hikes further up the trail before digging his phone out and summoning his cutest smile and taking that selfie. “It can only go up from here!” he imagines captioning it, but he doesn't upload the picture. He just saves it to his photo reel and puts his phone away and takes his first few steps up the mountain.

- - -

If someone wanted to really push themselves, they could make a day trip out of hiking up and down the most famous mountain in Japan.  It's called “bullet climbing”. He’d considered trying it, but… no, that probably wouldn't be a great idea, especially for a beginner.  Most people didn't want to risk that altitude sickness, and a good solid 10 hours of climbing didn’t sound like fun.

Anyway, what Fuji was really famous for was the sacred, cleansing sight of the sunrise from the peak. Foreigners, sightseers, and every other person would rather arrange their itinerary to reach the summit to witness it. The most common schedule would be spending the day hiking up, resting overnight in one of the upper mountain lodges, then getting up before dawn and finishing the ascent to the peak in time to catch the sunrise at around 5 in the morning.

Todomatsu didn't think of himself as a very sentimental person. He didn't have to see the sunrise. It's just the sun. You see it everyday. Rising. You see that every—well, no, you probably didn’t see it rise everyday.  But there's nothing stopping a person from getting up early and enjoying a nice sunrise whenever they'd like. Unless you lived in an urban area and there were buildings in the way and you didn't feel like running or taking the bus the extra several miles to a half-decent vista where you could admire a half-decent sunrise...

He's not a sentimental person.

But he finds himself planning a sunrise itinerary anyway and feels like punching himself. There are no stops on this making-a-fool-of-himself train! Besides, if he's going through all this trouble climbing this thing, he'd better get his money—or his effort's worth!

So, it's not about being sentimental. It's just being practical. Making preparations and doing research was just being practical, too.  He wasn't going to go in totally blind and fall off a cliff, or at least that wasn't in the plans for today.  Maybe he’s not the most organized or meticulous person, but he'd admit that he's the closest to a neat freak in their family, even compared to Choromatsu. So he'd brought warm layers, double-checked the route he was going to take, booked a lodge near the summit... he might be a NEET, but he wasn't completely clueless navigating the world, thanks. Which is more than he could say for some people.

Even he could put into effort into things like this. Occasionally. If he really had to.

The thing is, he didn't want to. At least, he's not supposed to want to. Putting effort into things is lame! Especially if you try hard and still fall short. That's why those losers were called tryhards, obviously! Case in point: Karamatsu, doing the best he could to attract women and just constantly, obliviously failing in the worst ways possible. And on the opposite end of the spectrum was Ichimatsu, who was completely aware of his position at the bottom rung of society and made zero effort to change anything. It wasn't exactly admirable or anything, but who could criticize him?... Apart from the aforementioned rest of society who weren't dirt-level NEETS like the rest of them.

And then there was Osomatsu. The model NEET, if there was such a pitiful thing as that. Osomatsu knew how to choose his battles, when to play and when to fold. You put effort into the worthwhile things, like pachinko and horse races and picking out the perfect porn. And you put in no effort whatsoever into the boring shit like job-hunting and self-improvement and independence. What do you mean, those were the complete opposite set of priorities you're supposed to have? Well, yeah! They're NEETs! They were already a failure as far as society was concerned. The least they could do was get good at it!

He's not sure if he admires Osomatsu's style, but he did try to follow in his older brother's footsteps somewhat. Especially after Choromatsu did a 180 in high school and started fledgling into quite the tryhard himself, albeit in a different direction from Karamatsu. As the youngest brother, Todomatsu could have been the pampered one... if anyone in their family were the pampering type. As it was, he could slack off just as much as Osomatsu, lazing together on the sofa or at the kotatsu until it was practically an artform. As far as they knew or cared about, they were going to be taken care of forever. There was no reason to try and put any effort into anything.

So why was he trying so hard now to climb the mountain?

He didn't know the answer to that.

Chapter Text

15 minutes into the hike and so far, so good. The slope wasn't even that steep. If he was feeling really cocky, he could try to jog up the path. It's an entertaining idea, but just that.

He hadn't been expecting to scale a 90 degree rock face right off the bat or anything, but this gentle incline was... nice. Relaxing. It was like going for a walk in the park, one that just happened to be full of tourists and hikers. One that had a pretty amazing view, once he'd passed the timber line and the trees bordering the trail disappeared to reveal the full panorama of open mountainside and sky.

What he faced now was—

It wasn't boredom. He might be an urban internet addict NEET, but he wasn't a total unfeeling monster or anything. He could appreciate a nice view like this. After going through all this trouble and effort, he almost felt like he was obligated to admire this view. But he hoped that the sentiment was genuine, just as he hoped that he wasn't getting bored of this hike barely 15 minutes in. This feeling wasn't boredom, he was sure of that.

It was the feeling of being… unplugged. Especially since he'd turned off his cell phone after realizing, just minutes after taking that selfie, that there probably wouldn't be any spare outlets and chargers up there on the summit. Turning it off would hopefully cut down on the selfie impulse too, though he was surprised to find himself wanting to take pictures of the trail and the trees and the view rather than of himself. How annoying. Without his phone to occupy him, what was he supposed to do?

Hike, obviously.  And think. He lets his mind wander, and it almost feels like running away from him.

It just felt weird. Even on his runs and workouts, he'd had his phone on for music. The absence of it now was practically like a phantom limb. Gross.  Of course he was attached to his phone, but he can't be this pitiful and weak without it! Even if it was annoying to be disconnected, he could probably look at this as a personal challenge or something. Not that trying to climb Fuji alone wasn't personally challenging enough.

Come to think of it, when was the last time he even turned off his phone anyway? The question hit him like a bolt of lightning. He was stunned that he couldn't come up with an answer immediately, or even after a few more minutes of thought. Wasn't that a bad sign? He wasn't sure whether to be bothered by the fact that he relied on his phone so much, or just own up to it. At least it was better than Choromatsu owning a flip phone, right? And Osomatsu didn't even have one, but just casually borrowed Todomatsu's whenever he felt like it. As expected of the slacker oldest brother.

So... the last time he turned off his phone... this was a lunatic-mode question. Damn it, maybe it was never. He didn't even switch it off for movies, just put it on vibrate and checked for texts during the boring parts. Same for school and those part time jobs years ago. Sure, it ran out of battery, but only rarely. He always kept an eye out for the battery life and he was never far away from home to recharge.

He was far away from home now, away from family and friends. If his phone died and he fell off the path and broke his leg or something, it would be pretty tough getting help.

Kind of exciting, actually. It was always refreshing being away from his brothers in the first place. Maybe that loneliness spell from the start of the hike was wearing off and the adventure of the trip was kicking in. He hoped it would be enough to combat this phone-less sense of disconnection.

He hoped food could've helped too. So even if he hadn't really been hungry, he'd eaten the onigiri he bought anyway. It was, as expected, just a boring ordinary snack. Buying it was entirely a waste of cash. Part of him wondered if he'd done so to try to distract himself from buying some kind of souvenir instead. The answer was probably yes, to be honest. Souvenirs would be too touristy for him, right? He might be a NEET, but he still had his pride. And his pride reasoned that buying an overpriced snack was more respectable than buying something cringe-worthy like a hiking stick, which might actually come in handy in the climb and could be decorated with cute seals and would last a lot longer than a bite to eat.

Wow. He really was making a habit of this overthinking thing, now that he didn't have his brothers or his phone to distract him. But what else could he do?

He takes a deep breath and tries to pull himself out of his thoughts and back into the present. The summer sun was warm against his neck. Rocks and dirt crunched satisfyingly under his boots. The mountain was quiet apart from occasional bird calls, but the plenty of other hikers behind and in front of him provided enough background noise with their own conversation, though many of them stayed silent as well.

He exhales. His breathing was regular. His pace was steady. He wasn't overly sweaty or thirsty or tired.  Just calm, for what felt like the first time in a long while.

There were times when he was running that, despite being plugged in with pop music in his ears and the rush of city life around him, he could almost... just forget about all of that. Runner's high, or something? He wasn't even that great of a runner. Only mediocre, if he had to be totally honest about it. But maybe it was something similar. It was a time in which he could put everything else in his life on the back burner and  run and think. And sometimes, even thinking was put on hold too. He could just run. Nothing mattered except for the distance.

He's not at that point now or anywhere near it really. It's only been 20 minutes. And hiking was slower-paced than running. Right now it seemed like all he could do was think, in the absence of his phone and family. Fair enough. What else could he think about, though? Besides his phone and family.

The upcoming climb. Let's go with that.

- - -

The ascent up Fuji takes 5-7 hours or longer depending on weather, fitness, and accidents or acts of nature.  He idly rifles through this short mental checklist in his head, one by one.

So… weather. He'd checked the forecast beforehand—the prediction appeared to be clear and mild, but mountain climate could be fickle and turn on a dime. All he could do was prepare rain gear and gloves and thick layers just in case.

Fitness, he hoped, wouldn't be a big deal. He had extended his morning runs by two miles and attended a free trial membership at a nearby gym. It had ended just days before he was set to climb the mountain, which worked out perfectly as far as he was concerned. He wasn't swole by any means, but he should have the endurance it takes to summit Fuji. Anyway, it wasn't supposed to be some kind of impossible experts-only climb. Even old people and children had reached the top. A well-prepared NEET should have no problem.

And the last element was Fuji itself. Rock slides, altitude sickness, volcanic activity... people had even been struck by lightning while climbing. It was pretty scary, but what could you do? Of the three factors, this was honestly the one he was least worried about. Random events are totally out of his control, so why stress out over it? A climber could reschedule if the weather was bad and train their body to the max, but if an avalanche just happened to carry them away right before the summit, well. Tough luck. At least it'd make an interesting story, right?

In his opinion, he'd overcome the biggest obstacle of the trip already: his brothers.

He had considered keeping the trip a secret from them, but gave up on that idea pretty early on. Keeping secrets from those guys was practically just begging them to snoop into and ruin his plans. He knew that much from losing his pachinko winnings all the time. There was no such thing as privacy among six nosy, thieving brothers. In their household, the walls had eyes and ears and way too many sticky fingers.

Keeping it secret wasn't an option.

So he didn't. He went out for longer runs. He wore his new beanie out in public. He prepared a backpack for the trip and if anyone noticed it lying casually in his corner of the closet, growing slowly fatter with supplies as the days went on, no one said anything. After all, why would those guys be interested in mountain-climbing?  They wouldn't be. He knew them. Mountains may as well be literal worlds away from gambling or mens' fashion or idols or cats.

The day of the trip was the last chance they had to catch on and foil his plans, if they really wanted to. He planned to begin the hike from the Subaru 5th station at around 11:30 AM, take the 7:15 bus to get there, and woke up at 6 to prepare. Everyone was still asleep when his phone's vibrating alarm went off at dawn. Even Jyushimatsu was having a lazy morning and did nothing but saw logs as Todomatsu stepped over him to get to the kitchen and fix himself a breakfast of yesterday's dinner leftovers. He checked the Fuji summit forecast between bites of cold rice and fish—clear and mild. Perfect. The weather, that is, not the leftovers. He's a NEET, not an expert chef. There are still some things he'd like to keep mooching off from his parents, or maybe that was most things...

By 6:40 he'd dressed and double-checked his supplies and was ready to catch the 6:45 local bus to the terminal. And his brothers were still snoring away in the futon. He stared down at them for a minute, unsure whether to feel relieved or disappointed, then nudged Osomatsu's drool-smudged cheek with his boot. It was like prodding Orochi while he was drunk and out cold.

“I'm going out.”

The only response was a grunt and a mumble that sounded vaguely like “go 'way 'lready” as Osomatsu batted at his shoe, yawned loudly, then turned over in his sleep and punched Karamatsu in the gut with one fluid motion.

Well, maybe that was just to be expected.

Todomatsu left, feeling pretty satisfied. Yep. As far as he had been concerned, the toughest part of the trip was officially over.

- - -

Ugh, in the end he just ended up thinking about his brothers anyway. Even 100 km away from home, he still couldn't really escape them. Figures.

On the bright side, he'd finally made his way to the 6th station. Nice! If the trip was a video game, this would be the first checkpoint... no, that analogy was way too lame. Let's pretend he hadn't just come up with it.

The 6th station obviously wasn't as much of a resort town as the Subaru Line 5th station was, but it was still a little bigger and busier than he expected. The place was bustling with tourists.  Not as though the trail was lacking in them, but they appeared to be especially concentrated here, as thick as thieves.

He cautiously makes his way around a crowd, apologizing on reflex when a red-haired stranger bumps into him. Wait a minute, what was “sorry” in english again?  He offers his best guess as a try. The stranger just grins widely in response, elbowing one of his friends and exchanging what sounded like a foreign wisecrack. Were they laughing at him? He feels his face heat up, but the man gives him a thumbs up and pats his shoulder as he moves on.

That... was good, right? Huh.

Todomatsu finds a spare bench farther away from the shops and plops down onto the seat with a sigh. Okay then. 6th station. That's maybe 10% of the trip down, he estimates, and it's definitely the easiest part of the hike. Right now, he was maybe... 2400 meters up? He could find the exact altitude on the next trail marker or something. So far this was decent going! He wasn't even suffering much altitude sickness yet, as far as he could tell.

But he was getting a little tired. Hiking was slower and less strenuous than running, but the air and pressure was just going to get thinner as the climb continued. It was an endurance challenge.

He's just going to have to be up for it.

He checks his watch: 12:10. That's decent time, hopefully. But it was no wonder this place was crowded, now that it's lunch hour. He still didn't feel very hungry. Maybe that onigiri had been more filling than he'd thought.

Honestly, what he was really in the mood for was a coffee.

There were plenty of vending machines on what seemed like every spare wall of the station. It was a pattern that would probably persist into the higher stations, with the prices rising as the elevation did. He takes a look at the nearest one and makes a face. 350 yen for a single stupid canned coffee, really? Jeez, he should have packed caffeine in advance. Guess that's the first little mistake he's made in the entire big mistake that was trying to make this climb in the first place: failing to bring coffee.

He'd even packed sports drinks like the total tryhard that he apparently was deep inside. He hated sports drinks! To be honest, he'd rather run out of water and die of dehydration before trying one of those. Why did he even bring them? It was basically dead weight! He was such an amateur!

Maybe someone here would be willing to trade a coffee for a sports drink... no way, that would be sinking to new depths of desperation right there. He's not that much of a loser. At least, not just yet.

He takes a sullen sip of water from his canteen while glaring at the vending machine, as if the caffeine craving could be satisfied by staring at the drink hard enough. Well, in the long run, it's just coffee. Hardly a matter of life and death. It was barely noon. There's no reason he would need—

Wait a minute.

Yes, he might need it. For the summit. For the final stretch. For getting up in a cramped lodge with 150 other smelly noisy hikers at god damn 2 in the morning so they could stagger up to the top of the mountain like sunrise-starved zombies. A coffee would be a godsend then. A single can might mean the difference between staying sane and snapping and shoving some poor foreigner off a cliff.

And 350 yen might be an annoying price now, but it'd be price jacked to 500 or more on an 8th station lodge for sure.

He stares, dead-eyed, at the vending machine for a few seconds longer. Then fetches his wallet.

Fine. Fuji wins this one.

Chapter Text

The trail from the 5th to 6th station might as well have been a nice walk in the park after all: shallow incline, straight path, even a few trees to admire before they thinned out and disappeared entirely. But the real climb starts here, on the long winding trail switchbacking up Fuji's steeper slopes.

Yeah.  The real climb. Time to hit this thing. He'd been imagining what it would be like for weeks now, for... some reason. He's still not entirely sure where the idea of climbing this stupid mountain had come from, or why it had been stuck in his head for so long. When he was out on runs, he'd try to look for spots to catch a glimpse of Fuji. When he was on his phone, he'd look up sunrise pictures instead of checking his timeline. It was such a pain in the ass!

It wasn't as if he was a brother who loved Mount Fuji or anything, so what was going on? He was practically obsessed with the idea of climbing it, reaching the top, then... what? Was he expecting something up there? Some kind of life-changing revelation? He didn't need to change his life, right? Life was pretty good, as a NEET. Not as great as, say, a multi-millionaire's life or anything, but it wasn't terrible. He likes his life. Probably.

Maybe he’ll give up NEETdom to become a rock climber... kidding, just kidding. What do they even do? He seriously had no idea. His mental image of them probably involved shit like ropes and carabiners and, uh, pick-axes? They might as well be an entirely different species from him, as far as he knows. An entirely different species that he was trying to imitate, for some bizarre reason even he was clueless about. Was he losing it? What was he going to try next, scuba-diving? That sounded kind of neat, to be honest, but—wait, no, shut up!

He was probably supposed to be in awe of the sight and the massive scale of the landscape before him. And it was pretty awe-inspiring, he couldn't deny that. Even if the rocks and Fuji itself wasn't amazing to look at, he did like casting a look down at the expanse of Japan spread out below like a map—the rich green of mountainous forests, scudded with clouds. If he squinted, he thought he could see threads of roads and highways leading back, eventually, to where Tokyo must be. Home.

And back there in the city were the millions of people living their lives, going to school and work and running the wheels of society. A massive mechanism that never stopped. Sometimes he wondered if he was ever going to participate in it. Sometimes it felt like it was just a matter of time before he was caught up in it.

It kind of scared him.

But he was more irritated over being intimidated in the first place. Ugh. Short of winning the lottery or receiving a miracle windfall from a rich dead grandparent, it seemed like there was no choice but to participate in the grind. It would be like working in a black factory day after day until he keeled over and died. Of course he'd prefer being a NEET to that.

Being here on the mountain, this far away from city life... it hits him that this is possibly the farthest he's ever been from home. Alone, too. Today was full of firsts, wasn't it? Especially firsts that should be completely obvious at first (ha, damn it) but didn't really hit him until now, 2500 meters up the mountain. Talk about a delayed reaction.

He still blamed his phonelessness for this. Without that to distract him, he had to resort to distracting himself with his own thoughts. Somehow, that seemed to be happening more and more often. It was annoying. If this pattern kept up, next time he might just find himself going hang-gliding or parasailing or something equally ridiculous but kind of fun-sounding now that he thought of it—

Fun. Was he even having fun here? He was alone in a long line of hikers he didn't know. He was banning himself from his own phone. He badly wanted coffee. He thought that the sun might be burning the back of his neck and was regretting not bringing sunscreen. He had a rock in his shoe which was slowly driving him crazy but he was too stubborn to stop and he didn't want to break his pace.

He was five hours and 100 km away from his friends and family and everyone else he knew, and they had no idea.

He felt great.

He can't remember the last time he'd had this much fun in his life. He was probably crazy or something.  If there wasn't something wrong with him before, there definitely was now. But right here right now, he couldn't give less of a shit about it.

Even if he still had no idea what he was doing, there was nowhere else he'd rather be.

- - -

The 7th station probably wasn't as much of a “station” in the way that the 5th and 6th were. 2700 meters and almost two hours up was when lodges started appearing for overnight stays. The trail he was taking—Yoshida—was the most popular and entry-level route for Fuji climbers, which meant it had the most huts. Which is probably necessary, since in peak season several thousand people could be on the mountain hiking Fuji in a single day. Crazy.

It's a mixed blessing that he was climbing later in the season. There were still quite a lot of people, but it's nowhere near the number there would be during Obon or the peak of summer vacation. So, crowd control is good. The only downside is that it would be colder at the summit, with more ice and snow. But below-freezing temperatures occurred up there even in mid-summer, so he supposes he’ll just have to tough it out.

The lodge he had booked, Horai-kan, was a good few hours away with the 8th station lodges. Which apparently were packed so densely together you practically tripped over one every fifteen minutes on the trail. But right now he still had a way to go until he even hits the 7th station huts.

He focuses on the hike, on the shifting rocks under his feet, on the occasionally steeper rock faces that they had to scale by hand and guidance chains staked to the ground. Those were probably the closest he came to actual rock-climbing. But while the scramble up these natural rock walls were exciting, they were mostly short. And then it was back to trudging up the slope, back and forth across the trail snaking slowly up to the heavens.

Fuji's peak is the highest point in Japan, so if you believed in a heaven or whatever higher power was out there, the summit would be the closest you could get to it. Naturally, there's a shrine there. Todomatsu didn't think of himself as a particularly traditional person. Sure, he'd burn lanterns during Obon, or ring in the new year and draw a fortune to compare with his brothers. When he was younger, he must have written wishes on Tanabata. He can't remember what they were and he's pretty sure that none of those wishes had ever come true, or he wouldn't still be a NEET. That's just life for you.

But he thought he'd probably donate to the summit shrine if—when he reached it tomorrow. And wasn't there a shrine down at the foot of the mountain for hikers who might have wanted to make an offering before their trip? He hadn't bothered to visit it. But he kind of wishes now that he could've at least taken a look.

So, the highest point in Japan... okay, in a lot of photographs, it wasn't as though you could even observe most of the view from the summit. Especially if there was cloud cover, the famous “sea of clouds” vista. No pointing and seeing his house from up there, if he made it and the cloud sea closed in. But people are naturally drawn to tall places, he thinks. It makes them feel important. The same goes for him. He might be the scum of society, but even he wanted to rise up—

There was something mysterious about Fuji. Nobody even knew the origin of its name. It could come from the old reading and mean “unparalleled” or “never ending”... he'd definitely hope this climb had an end, though. Or the name could have come from the tale of the bamboo cutter. After Princess Kaguya served her sentence of exile on earth and the lunarians came to take her back to the moon, she gave her husband, the emperor, an elixir of immortality as a parting gift. But living forever without his wife didn't appeal to him and he ordered his soldiers to throw the elixir into Fuji volcano so that the plume would burn forever, the sight of which might even reach the moon.

People sure did weird shit when they were in love, is probably the takeaway message here. But it made for a pretty cute children's fairy tale and Fuji origin story. The mountain might be mostly dormant, but it was mythic.

It could be named for the battalion of soldiers, who would have ascended the peak like he's trying to now. Or it could be named for the undying nature of the fire that exploded from the crater when they threw the elixir into the immortal volcano. An emperor's idea of a love letter to the moon.

He wonders if he'll ever see Fuji erupt. Apparently it's predicted to, soon.

But he'd rather have that happen after his trip.

- - -

Almost two hours later he finally makes it to the first 7th station lodge, Hanagoya. The altitude is getting to him, he thinks—he's had a growing headache starting an hour in, as the fun of rock-hopping was fading somewhat and tiredness was setting in. But he'd only stopped to take a break a few times. Once to remove that damn rock in his shoe after he suddenly realized it might cause a blister and he was being an idiot with no excuse for not getting rid of it earlier. And occasionally for water, to try to calm the headache and the pounding of his pulse in his ears.

He kind of blames his pride. Of course there's no shame in taking breaks. There were plenty of people stopping for breath or water or to admire the view on the way up, but Todomatsu hadn't really allowed himself to be one of them. He just pushed onwards. The path wasn't amazingly steep and he wasn't drop-dead exhausted or anything, so why stop?

But stopping now was a massive relief. He tries not to collapse like a loser onto the first bench he sees and sits down with a heavy sigh as he slides his backpack off his shoulders. He'd tried to pack light, but layers and snacks and water adds up and starts to weigh heavily during that climb. Ow. His legs and back were starting to ache a little, how embarrassing...

The man at the store stall appeared to be staring pointedly at him. Todomatsu glances to the people sitting on either side of him—a college girl with a ponytail, a foreigner in a sports jacket—and then looks back at the shopkeeper, who nods at him. Yeah, it wasn't them. That guy was definitely looking at him.

“What is it?”

The man doesn't say anything, just looks from Todomatsu, then down to his wares—food, drinks, souvenirs like those hiking sticks again—and then back to Todomatsu on the bench. He still doesn't get it for a moment. Then it hits him.

Oh. It was polite to buy something in order to use a bench.

Well, it made sense. In the higher lodges they'd charge you for just standing inside the building to rest, even if you didn't have a reservation and couldn't stay the night. Fuji toilets ran on donations. If they could realistically charge people to use a bench, they would. But it's true, the least he could do was buy something. He could have bought the coffee here instead of at the 6th station, he thinks, then looks over the array of drinks. Oh—nevermind, it was 50 yen more here. They'll take any opportunity to charge every little bit more.

He still isn't very hungry. Was that an altitude symptom? But he buys a small niku udon bowl anyways. It's past lunchtime, after all. The shopkeeper heats up his noodles for him and hands it over with a nod and a warmer smile, one that Todomatsu returns slightly awkwardly, with the realization that this was basically the first time he'd talked or interacted with another person in over an hour. It might be the longest time he's spent without sniping at his brothers or texting someone on LINE or just checking on his timeline. It feels pretty surreal.

His udon is... normal, convenience-store instant udon. Not that he's expecting world-class cuisine up here, but this isn't bad. He’s not a super picky eater. And it feels nice sitting on a well-deserved bench, slurping noodles and staring out at the slopes he'd overcome, at the other hikers downhill slowly making their way like ants up a mound. It was people-watching all over again, now with a better vantage point. Looking down at people sure was fun. He didn't get the chance to do so very often, as a NEET.

Looking down literally was fun, too. And there's a lot more to admire than just people, who were really the most uninteresting parts of the view when it came down to it. He kind of wonders if there’s anybody looking across the country at Fuji right now, at the same time he’s staring out from the 7th station. It’s definitely likely. People can see Fuji not only from Tokyo, but from the Shinkansen line, from Aokigahara forest, from those lakes surrounding the mountain in beautiful deep blue. It’s pretty crazy. He's lived in the area all his life and never, say, went fishing at Kawaguchi lake. Or rode the bullet train, not that he'd ever actually had a reason to. Or hiked Aokigahara... uh, on second thought, maybe he'd skip that one.

Sometimes it felt like he'd lived his entire life in the city wasting time and doing absolutely nothing of consequence. It didn't really bother him, but—

Did it have to be that way? He wouldn't say his life was boring, but on second thought it actually totally was. He didn't mind being a NEET, but he was young and restless and it just wasn't enough. He didn't think of himself as the kind of person who'd do something crazy like climb a famous mountain for the hell of it—which he was officially adopting as his motive for this trip, if he really had no better idea why he was doing this—

But here he was.

Up here and this far away from the city and his friends and family, he could realize how big the world was and how small his life is in comparison. It felt... freeing. Everything he was used to worrying about—keeping up with shows, how long to wait to text back, not being seen with his brothers in public—seemed so unimportant. He felt like he could do anything and everything and anything infinitely more interesting, if he felt like it. Go mountain climbing. Run across Tokyo. Maybe he could learn a new language or pick up Go or shogi. Maybe one day he could really go scuba-diving or parasailing after all. Why not? He was young and restless. He was a NEET with no job or school or other obligations. He literally had nothing better to do all day. So, as such, he could do whatever the hell he wanted, right? He had this much freedom and didn't even know it. He didn't have to tell anyone or get anyone's approval. He could just go out and do it. Just like now, on Fuji, where no one knew or cared who he was.

He finishes the last of his udon without really tasting it, and blinks in surprise when his chopsticks hit the bottom of the cup and comes up empty. That was a surprisingly introspective bowl of noodles. So much that it was actually embarrassing. A few more lunches like that and he'd probably uncover the meaning of life or something.

Hopefully not, though.

He sits for a moment, resting his legs and enjoying the sky, the wind, the sun. Just putting the world on the back burner for a little while longer.

Chapter Text

300 meters higher and an hour and a half later and he can feel the pressure getting to him.

No, not the pressure to succeed, though that was definitely there too. The mountain pressure, he means. Altitude sickness. The udon down at Hanagoya had helped a bit, and he'd rested at nearly every station on the way up to Torii-so where he is now. Sometimes it was just for a few minutes to catch his breath and drink some water and people-watch. But the breaks were getting longer and longer as he tried to fight off a growing headache, a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, the hammering of an uneven pulse in his ears.

He didn't feel so good.

He's not the type to get sick very easily. He shares that with his brothers, thankfully. Maybe the old saying is true, that idiots don't catch colds, but he doesn't mind it. When they did catch the random seasonal bug, it hits them all hard. They'd all come down with it. Their room would be a gross coughing snotty mess. He'd try to act super cute to be pampered, which sometimes paid off with his parents, but most of his brothers had wised up to his act and either ignored or complained at him. Those jerks.

Either way, he felt pretty damn sick right now. It was kind of like a hangover: headaches, dizziness, nausea. Not enough nausea for him to want to hurl that udon, hopefully, but he'd hate it if it got to that point. If he got sick enough and couldn't even complete the climb to the summit, then all of this might as well have been for nothing—

He takes a longer break at Torii-so, choosing a bench further away from the lodge area so the shopkeepers wouldn't give him the stink-eye for taking up prime seating real estate. Sure, he'd brought plenty of money, but if he spent it all on overpriced meals it probably wouldn't help in Operation Don't Puke Up Your Guts right now. Besides, he'd bought a few snacks from home. If he didn't make a dent in those, they'd just stay in his pack taking up space and being dead weight.

For now, he picks a nashi pear. Are fruits good for nausea? They're healthy no matter what, so that's probably a yes, right? He didn't exactly feel like throwing up yet, so maybe he was being overly paranoid here, but it almost felt like some kind of point-of-no-return as far as altitude symptoms went. People can die from the pressure, he knows. The lodges even sell bottled oxygen to alleviate mountain sickness. He'd hate to have to buy and use one, but it's a legit option if things got really dire. Hopefully it wouldn't have to come down to that.

Especially since he'd brought aspirin. He washes down the pear with a sip of water and a single pill. That should help. Maybe they were meant for the standard issue headache back down on ground level, but whatever. Were there specialized painkillers for altitude? He could have sworn he'd looked this up. This migraine was seriously messing with him.

For now, he'll just wait for the aspirin to kick in and rest further.

The trail had gotten steeper but it didn't feel like a drastic difference since 300 meters down. It was colder and windier up here, the air slightly thinner. He'd lost slightly more bravado and felt slightly sicker. That says it all, probably.

He presses a hand to his forehead, though he doesn't really expect a spike in temperature or anything. It's not a fever, it's mountain sickness. It's not that human beings weren't meant to live at these heights (probably, anyway) but—well, he'd just scaled about 700 meters of altitude in three and some hours. Maybe he could have been better with more frequent and longer breaks to let his body adjust. Maybe he didn't have to push himself so hard, if his pace could be considered “hard” in the first place. Maybe...

Maybe if he wasn't alone, he'd feel better about getting sick. He almost groans out loud. Complaining about that again? Damn it. Just, if only he had a girl friend with him, maybe she could rub his back and pamper him a little now that he's feeling kind of crappy. Hey, it's not like he wouldn't reciprocate. He could treat them both to a bottle of green tea and share an indirect kiss or something sappy and cute like that.

Ugh, right now he'd even take one of his brothers as company. He wonders if Osomatsu would be puking his guts out right now, if Karamatsu would be swooning from a migraine. Choromatsu might be more responsible and looked up and packed mountain sickness remedies like a nerd, but at least he'd be a well prepared one. Ichimatsu... would he have made it past 5th station, or even out of the bus? Jyushimatsu might as well be on the summit right now. He doubted anything could touch that guy, let alone altitude. Jyushimatsu always had his head up in the clouds.

His brothers definitely wouldn't pamper him, but he almost misses them anyway.

Wow, this headache must be worse than he thought. Pull yourself together, Todomatsu. It's just heights. He can't let himself be defeated by something as simple as that. Just how much farther is it to his lodge, anyway? He withdraws the trail map from his backpack along with a CalorieMate, which he nibbles on delicately as he opens up the paper. Gross... the CalorieMate, that is. Why did he even pack this?

Okay, the good news is that Horai-kan appeared to be about 150 meters and maybe 40 minutes away from his rest stop here at Torii-so.

The bad news is that CalorieMate is fucking disgusting and he's never going to try this thing again in his life if he could help it. He chases it down with an apple, which tastes much better and was a Fuji cultivar to boot. How fitting, even if he's pretty sure it's not actually named for the mountain. This many snacks might be a bad idea, but he's a bit of a stress eater.

Anyway, he thinks his headache is clearing up a little. Probably thanks to that aspirin, or even a placebo effect from just taking the pill in the first place. Whatever works!

He stares out at the view of mountainous Japan again. It's getting really foggy, this high up. It's clouds, he realizes dimly. Clouds. Soon, he'll have hiked above the clouds.

He's come a long way, for what feels like the first time in his life.

- - -

The 7th-8th station stretch is the steepest by far yet. Looking down makes him a little dizzy even with the view closed off by fog, so he doesn't bother. Looking up... okay, it was also foggy. But even as it blows with the wind, it feels impenetrable. It feels like the mountain would never end, like he's doomed to climb it forever. Him and all the other poor suckers here. It's an uphill battle. Kind of like his life.

The thought hits him out of nowhere and his first thought in response is—wait, what? That wasn't true. He has a pretty great life. Sure, he's a NEET and a virgin and the scum of society and he's cursed with five demonic older brothers, but life wasn't bad. Being a NEET was decent fun. Being a virgin is! Only temporary, he swears! And his brothers...

He'll admit it to himself, he loves his brothers. He'll probably never say that out loud to their faces, but he does. And he's pretty sure they love him back, even if they rob him and humiliate him in public. They, uh, have a special way of showing it, or whatever. As the youngest brother, he would like to have been the pampered one, but he's not surprised he's the more bullied one. Do they tend to gang up on him? Probably. He can't really say he blames them—hey, if he had a younger brother, he'd bully the poor guy even more mercilessly.

So yeah, he doesn't exactly blame them for being assholes. But he does resent them. Being ganged up on didn't exactly help in the uphill battle to haul himself out of NEETdom and join the rest of society in being functional, well-adjusted, happily-employed adults. Sometimes he thinks it's the most incredible stroke of luck in the world, having five deadbeat older brothers with no accomplishments and no expectations to meet. And sometimes it feels like five iron balls and chains were bolted to him at all times, ready to ruin his life at any opportunity. If he got a job, he's certain they'd sabotage it. If he got a serious girlfriend, he's sure they'll beat him up in jealousy. If he ever, god forbid, got married, they'd crash the wedding...

Not to say he wouldn't do the same, but he has more of a grudge.

Living in that madhouse family was like being trapped in a deep well. If he tried to claw his way out to join the rest of society in the sun, those five demons would just drag him back down. There's practically no escape. It's an uphill battle without end. At least Fuji had a summit and could be surmounted. He might be determined to defeat Fuji, but he can't win against his brothers. He knows that.

There are moments—like when he's being dragged home face-first on the ground after being mugged of his pachinko winnings—that he seriously wishes he were an only child. He fantasizes of burning them to ashes, sweeping their dust up and dumping them in the trash where they belong. He'd finally be free of them, free to get a job or a girlfriend or go to school or just happily live his perfect life without fear...

And then there are moments—when he's putting the finishing touches on vent tweets and watching the cozies from his followers roll in—that he gets the sinking feeling he's just fooling himself. That even if he were an only child, even if his brothers disappeared somehow and set him free, he'd still be just as much of a fuck-up as they are. That he'd be the same fuck-up no-accomplishment NEET he is now, that nothing would change.

Osomatsu was a chronic slacker. Karamatsu was a painful hopeless romantic. Choromatsu talked a big game but never followed through with his plans. Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu could barely hold a conversation with other people. But he, Todomatsu, had everything it takes to make it in society—

Unless he really, really didn't. And there was something just as wrong with him as there was with the rest of them.

He just didn't even know what it was, or how to fix it.

He could try to make it out in the world, but if he didn't have his brothers as an excuse and he failed anyway, there would be no one else to blame but himself.

Maybe this, he realizes vaguely, was why he had to climb Fuji alone. Without his brothers. Just to prove to himself that he can actually accomplish something on his own.

And he can, he's sure of it.

He has to.

- - -

His head feels like it's been run over by the time he reaches Horai-kan, but the important thing is that he finally makes it.

And he celebrates by flopping gracelessly onto the first bench vacancy he sees and loosening his scarf in a daze. It's grown colder and he's had to shrug on a few layers during previous breaks. He's sweating from exertion and chilled to the skin at the same time. He could feel his heart pounding almost painfully in his chest, in his neck. His legs ached. Okay, a lot of him ached.

But at least he's here.

It's 5 pm and the sun is slowly beginning to descend for sunset. He watches it tiredly through half-closed eyes. 5 pm... in a few hours or so his family would be gathering for dinner. He'd mentioned offhandedly to his parents and to Osomatsu that he'd be gone for the night and they offhandedly accepted without further explanation, which is a relief. Had they even heard him, though? He wonders if they'll miss him or even notice his absence.

Hopefully not. It would make things easier.

But it was a pretty lonely thought.

He could shell out 1200 yen for a convenience store bento dinner at the lodge, but the thought of eating a full meal still feels like a turn-off. Even if he's done hiking for the day, he really, really did not want to run the risk of throwing up anything substantial. He'll be fine with just snacks, right? He nibbles on some jerky and wonders if the shopkeeper is glaring at him for not buying anything, but he ignores them if so. He booked a bed here, so he's a patron and totally entitled to a seat.

He could go and check in right now. The lodge would be nice and heated, too. But for some reason he'd rather stay out here and stare out at the mountainside instead, even if the view was obscured by clouds and most of what there was to admire was just empty blue sky. He shivers in a brief wind and draws his scarf around his neck again. It's almost funny how stiflingly hot the sun could be down at ground level, but 3200 meters up here and that much closer to it, it barely felt warm at all. There's probably some common-sense scientific explanation for it that he was completely clueless about. One of those college kids, wherever they are, would know it. But not him.

Maybe he'll stay a bit longer and catch his breath and wait hopefully for his headache to wane before checking into the lodge. He watches the sun hang seemingly immovable in the sky, like sunset would never come.

- - -

Night. In the lodge. Cramped in a sleeping bag with four total strangers in the upper bunk. Trapped in a room with about ten other beds and about 80 people total in a single noisy, body-odory sleeping space. He feels like a herring packed in a can, squeezed in with the other unlucky fish. And he'd come prepared with sleeping pills and earplugs, but it was taking an annoyingly long time for that melatonin to kick in.

This was even worse than sleeping with his brothers and having to deal with Jyushimatsu's snores and Ichimatsu's curry farts. Now that's a thought he never expected to admit in his entire life. But now, lying shoulder-to-shoulder with two absolute strangers who were definitely not Karamatsu or Osomatsu... it just felt so weird.

No, he and his brothers were the weird ones for sharing a futon despite being in their twenties. Even he knows that. But right now he'd give just about anything to be back there with them.

He slides his phone from his coat pocket and turns it on for the first time in a whole day. It's basically a world record for him. He finds himself half-wishing there's no service up here and breathes a guilty sigh of relief when no bars show up. He's been missing from twitter and LINE all day... did anyone miss him? And he's been missing from home all day... did anyone notice? What a depressing thought. He hopes that his absence did go unnoticed, though. Not only would it be more convenient, but—

If he could disappear from his brothers' lives, maybe he really could escape them one day... but even as he imagines it, he knows it'll be a while before he could actually follow through with something like that. At least the Fuji trip was just a single day.

Anyway, he can't lie, he does actually want to be missed too. He told Osomatsu he would be gone. Would Karamatsu notice he's not there? Choromatsu might, but who even knows about Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu?

He stares blankly at his glowing phone screen, then sighs and keys in an alarm for 2:30 am. Right now it's almost 8 pm, so that's about 6 hours of sleep if he could possibly catch it. When was the last time he went to bed at 8? Probably back when he and his brothers were just kids, in a much simpler time.

He puts his phone face-down next to him and closes his eyes. Okay, it's pathetic, but maybe it would help if he just imagines that it's Osomatsu and Karamatsu lying next to him. Choromatsu and Ichimatsu too, two spaces away on either side. Even Jyushimatsu's snores would be a welcome lullaby. Ugh, speaking of lullabies, whenever one of them was having trouble sleeping, Karamatsu would offer to sing them to sleep. Nobody ever took him up on that. But here and now and 100 km away from the rest of his family, Todomatsu wishes he could accept a song, no matter how painful it would be.

Even admitting that to himself in his own head was horrifyingly embarrassing, but he can't help it. It's a painful truth. He doesn't regret this trip at all—it’s definitely the best and worst idea he's ever had. But yeah, he's a little homesick.

He lets out a long breath and curls up in his sleeping bag and tries not to think of his family. He's still got more of the climb ahead of him tomorrow.

And it will be the worst part of the entire trip.

Chapter Text

2:40 am. Before dawn. He barely felt like he slept a wink but he'd staggered up anyway, woken more by the other hikers than by the alarm he'd prepared. Sleep-deprived as he felt, he must have drifted off at some point. His headache was better. He even felt up to ordering a 1200 yen bento breakfast of curry, rice, egg, and a hamburger patty. He even finished it all and topped off with his precious canned coffee to celebrate. Now all he had to do was complete the climb to the top and wait for sunrise.

The final stretch. Do or die. This was it.

He takes a deep breath, straps his headlight on, and ventures out from the lodge.

And then ventures right on back in.

It was so dark outside! Well, obviously, since it's 2 in the fucking morning. Okay, he knew that this night climb was coming and he'd tried to prepare for it by buying the brightest headlamp in his budget, but it cast just a flashlight's worth of illumination ahead of him. Which is understandable, since it's basically just a flashlight strapped to his head, but! Damn it, it was so dark outside!

Even if there were hundreds of other hikers with other headlights out there to take away some of the scare, it just wasn't nearly enough.

Oh god, this is the most pathetic thing in the entire world. He's made it all this way to the 8th station with just a few hours to go until the summit and sunrise, and he can't do it. All because of his childish damn stupid fear of the dark. Someone just kill him now. He might as well throw himself over the rail and roll all the way down the mountain instead. Maybe his corpse would be too mangled for the poor saps down in 5th station to identify...

No, he's not going to do that. He's not that dramatic. But it's kind of a nice idle fantasy.

He slumps down at a window seat in the rapidly-emptying lodge. Many of the hikers were already on the pitch-black trail bound for the peak. And here he was, sitting inside like the shitty coward he truly was.

He has no idea why he's still scared of the dark even now, in his twenties. It's disgraceful, but honestly he wasn't too bothered about it most of the time. He could go out late at night just fine with company and lots of street lights. Even at home, he could always pester one of his brothers into chaperoning him to the restroom. Mostly Choromatsu—as much as he complained about it, he did try to be the responsible type.

But Choromatsu was hours away in Tokyo, snoring away with the rest of them and everyone else in Japan who should be asleep at 2 am. Choromatsu wouldn't hold his hand up an entire mountain. Actually, even if Choromatsu were here, Todomatsu would hate to ask him to do that anyway. That would defeat the entire purpose!

What could he do now? He stares out the window into the dark and tries to consider his options.

1. He could ask to join a tour group and just follow along for the trip up. It would be embarrassing and he's not even sure if it would actually work. What he really wanted was some kind of contact, like clinging to Choromatsu's back or holding someone's hand. That would be pretty awkward to do with a stranger, to say the least.

2. He gives up on summiting Fuji right now and just waits for dawn here at the 8th station, just long enough for the sky to lighten up. Then he'll climb up to the top. He'll be late for sunrise, but he'll still be able to see it from the trail even if he's not strictly at the peak. Those are minor details! The important part is seeing the sunrise and reaching the top. He doesn't HAVE to see the sunrise from the top. It'll just be a matter of slightly delayed timing.

3. He mans the hell up and stops being a baby and gets out there and climbs the goddamn mountain already. Everyone else was doing it! It was just darkness! There were plenty of people, he probably wasn't going to get lost and trip and fall of a cliff or anything...

No, there's no way he could possibly do that.

He buries his face in his hands and groans. This is the worst. But he has to be practical here, he really can't see himself pulling #3 off. #1 was too humiliating and besides, he's pretty sure most if not all of the tour groups were gone already. #2 seemed like the best bet.

It isn't failure, he tries to convince himself. If he makes it to the peak, it barely matters what time it is, right? It's just a sunrise. You see the sun everyday. What was so special about the sunrise? Did it really matter where you were when you saw it? If someone wanted to see a Fuji sunrise, they can just go online and look up hundreds of professional, perfectly-cropped, perfectly-saturated, picture-perfect photographs...

But it's just not the same and he knows it.

He frowns at the window. In a few hours, it'll get light and he can start hiking up. Who knows, if he hurries maybe he could just barely make it in time and get to the peak while the sun breaches the clouds. Who can even say when sunrise officially starts anyway?

If he's going to wait for it to get lighter, he might as well rest a little in the bunk. Come to think of it, most of the dormitory would be empty now. He could stretch out as much as he'd like, get maybe an hour or so more sleep in a less crowded and noisy room. That wasn't a bad thought at all.

He returns to his bed and pulls open the curtain to the top bunk.

It... wasn't empty, actually. There was still one more person on the far side of the bed, curled up in a sleeping bag with their face pressed to the mattress. Todomatsu stares, then glances back over his shoulder. Most of the people in their row of bunks had already left or were in the process of leaving. There might be several late-risers still in bed, but he wasn't about to start opening up curtains to confirm that. Fuji's sunrise is the main event. Nobody wanted to miss it.

This person didn't move, even at the sound of the curtains opening. This, uh... isn't this worrying? He can't help but feel a little worried. This isn't a dead body or anything, is it?

“Hello?”

There's no answer for a few seconds. Then the person makes a quiet sound of acknowledgment, but they still don't move.

Todomatsu bites his lower lip in thought, then reaches out to touch the person's shoulder. He meant for it to be just a light tap, but the stranger flinches as if they'd been shocked and jolts away from him, pulling their sleeping bag to their face, wide-eyed. He freezes, then hastily draws back as well. Holy shit. “Sorry! Sorry, I...”

The stranger is a girl, he's pretty sure. They have long brown hair, but they appeared to be wearing a hat and were still bundled up in the sleeping bag, so it was hard to tell for certain, especially since most of the lights were off or dim through the curtains. Maybe the stranger was having a nightmare? They blink at him, as if stunned. He tries to wave in the friendliest and most harmless manner he could.

“Sorry about that. I didn't mean to scare you.”

The stranger stares at him, then closes their eyes. “It's okay.” Ah, that's a girl's voice, soft and tired. “I'm sorry, too.”

“No, it's fine! You don't need to apologize for anything.” He tries to smile at her, but it really is hard to tell if she's smiling back.

Wow, this is kind of awkward. He hadn't expected there to be anyone still in the bunk, let alone a girl. Normally he'd love the opportunity to flirt and exchange numbers, but to tell the truth, he really wasn't in the mood for it right now. It was 3 in the morning. He still had a faint headache from mountain sickness. He was grumpy over his own fear of the dark. He did not feel like hitting on a random stranger, especially someone this jumpy, someone he'd already scared just by trying to say hi.

For a moment he wonders if he should just leave, or if that would make things more awkward. It would probably be the smarter thing to do. But on the other hand, he's not exactly sure if he's allowed to rest in another bunk or if he'd just end up bothering someone else.

And there was something strange about this girl. He's just not sure what it is.

“Uh, is it okay if I sit...?”

She just shrugs. After a pause, he climbs up into the bunk and settles on the opposite side of the bed from her. She doesn't shrink away, just watches him blankly with an unreadable expression. Guess she's not a very talkative type.

“Are you a part of a tour group? I think all of them are leaving already.”

She shakes her head.

“Do you feel sick? Do you need help, or are you waiting for a friend or something?”

“I'm not sick,” she says quietly. “And I'm not waiting for anyone.”

Yeah, definitely not the talkative type. Or did his ability to talk to girls deteriorate this quickly? It might take only one day and one mountain for him to totally lose it.

He didn't know who she was, but there was something about her that seemed like—like if he hadn't opened the curtain, she might just stay there curled up on the bunk until morning, without moving. He's pretty sure she hadn't been sleeping. Her dark eyes did not look very well-rested.

There were quite a few questions he wanted to ask her. But, honestly, the most important one was probably—

“Are you going to go see the sunrise?”

And sure enough, she shifts and lifts her head. “I want to.”

Well, what other answer could he possibly expect? They were both Fuji hikers. They were already at the 8th station. They were only hours away from the peak. Todomatsu tries to smile encouragingly—shy girls weren't exactly his type, but it'd be nice to help her if she needed it. And he's getting the feeling “shy” isn't exactly the word for this person, anyway.

“We're almost at the top, aren't we? You've probably noticed this, but most people already left to start climbing.”

She looks down at herself, brows drawing together. “I should probably do that too.”

“Maybe.” He can't lie, the sunrise isn't exactly going to wait around for late risers. “I mean, you don't have to push yourself. But you're really close! If you want to see it, you can definitely make it.”

She seems to rouse herself even more, lifting her head from the sleeping bag like it's a protective cocoon. She looked... very tired. It sure was tough trying to get a decent night's sleep in a place like this, huh? He didn't know what to make of her. Flirting with her, though, would be a pretty bad idea. He had enough awareness to realize that, at least.

“Are you going to go see it?” she asks.

“Me?... Yeah, I am!” Shit. It wasn't a lie, he was definitely planning on seeing the sunrise and reaching the top! Just, maybe the latter a little later—?

“You're not a part of a tour group either?”

Wow, somehow the tables totally got turned on him. He shakes his head, embarrassed.

“Or waiting for friends?”

“No,” he admits, and hopes the lights are dim enough to hide the heat rising to his face. “I hiked up by myself.” Alone. But it might sound pretty pitiful to say that aloud, right?

She smiles in response, but it wasn't a sympathetic or self-deprecating one. It was more like the quiet acceptance of a sad truth, and it didn't reach her eyes.

- - -

They're both wearing gloves. He didn't know what temperature it was right now, but below freezing seems like a good bet. They're both bundled up in their bulkiest layers and wearing gloves and the fabric is definitely thick enough to stifle any trace of warmth that may come from their linked hands, but it just barely helps anyway.

He's not going to lie, it's still terrifying being out in the dark like this, even with people and headlamps all around him and someone to hold his hand. Maybe it's the fact that the girl is still a total stranger to him. Maybe it's the fact that he's almost half as scared for her as he is for himself. He has the strangest idea that if he lets go, she might just accidentally walk off the side of the mountain and wouldn't even scream, just—wouldn't be heard from again.

He's not in the habit of worrying over others. He had enough to worry about himself! But she seemed to be... a person of concern? He really had no idea how to put it.

But he did appreciate that she didn't laugh or pull away from his hand when he reached out with the offer to climb up together. With practically any other girl he knew, he'd take this golden opportunity to flirt hard. Maybe, anyway. He was still scared pretty shitless of this night hike here.

They clamber up the path, he only occasionally helping her up, she squeezing his hand when he freezes up in fear of a stretch of darkness. Even in the middle of the night like this, it wasn't very easy to get lost. There were a lot of other hikers. At some points, they practically had to wait in a queue to climb up a particularly steep slope. Those lines weren't so bad, but then he had to let go of the girl to clamber hand-over-hand up the rocks, trying not to panic, trying to just focus on grip holds and the small single light of his headlamp...

And then at the top he'd find her waiting for him, without a word. He'd mutter a quick thanks before taking her hand again, and they'd continue up the path.

She really didn't say much, which was a relief and only slightly awkward at the same time. Occasionally he tried to strike up a conversation, most of which were misses with only a few hits.

“It's pretty cold up here, isn't it?”

“Mm, it's really cold.”

“I know there are shops at the peak, though! I'll treat you to hot tea or oshiruko.” A rare instance in which the offer was meant absolutely platonically, but—

“I'll be fine. Thank you.”

Rocks and dirt shifted under their boots. Before and behind them was the sound of hundreds of other hikers—talking, panting, slowly making their way like fish upstream. They were just two more in a long current.

Hundreds of headlamps blinked and flashed around them like rapid stars. And overhead, the real stars were tiny white pinpricks in the night sky. He can't actually remember the last time he saw real stars. The city always had too much light pollution.

“Are you going to walk around the crater when you get to the top?”

She hums in thought. “It might be nice. I'll think about it.”

“Sounds like it could be kinda scary too, huh?”

“Maybe.” She didn't sound convinced. “Are you going to visit the shrine?”

“I might as well after making it all the way up there. It's kind of late for good luck, but you can still make a wish.”

“A wish, huh... I wonder if I can?”

That's kind of a strange question. “Is there a reason you can't?”

She's quiet for a moment, as if thinking over an answer. “There's only so much that wishing can do, right?”

“That's true.” She has a good point! “If you want something to change, just wishful thinking isn't going to do anything. You have to put in effort and take action, too.” Not to get all motivational speech-y on her or anything, but it's something he's always believed. Actions spoke louder than words.

“I know,” she says. “But it's hard sometimes. It's hard a lot of the time.”

He smiles in sympathy. Even if she couldn't see it in the dark, sometimes you can hear it in a person's voice, right? “You put in a lot of effort to make it this far. You should be proud of yourself!”

And he has no idea if she's smiling back, but he'd like to imagine so. “Thanks. Then, I'll probably make a wish too.”

“What for?”

She's quiet, as if in thought. Then— “For things to change?” It sounds almost like a question, but one without an answer.

The sky is slowly getting lighter. He can see his breath puffing out in clouds from the cold. Some of the pale grey rocks on the path, he finally realizes, aren't rocks at all. They're patches of snow and ice.

“Hey,” he says as they reach a new bend in the switchback. “Why did you want to climb Fuji?”

Is it a personal question? He has no idea, but it's something he's been thinking of for a while now. For a second he wonders if she even hears him. Her grip is slightly slack in his hand, and she ventures up the trail almost like a sleepwalker.

“I like high places,” she says in an uncertain voice. “The view from up there... it's nice, right?”

“Yeah, it's... supposed to be,” he says weakly. Wow, uh. “There's nowhere in Japan higher than Fuji. It'll be a great sunrise.”

She nods, but doesn't meet his eyes when he looks over in her direction.

“Why are you climbing it?”

Good question, he thinks dazedly. He's been asking himself that for weeks. And here he is, an hour or so from the top, and he still isn't entirely sure what his answer is. How ridiculous was that? There's a limit to how indecisive a person can be, right?

“I guess I wanted to prove to myself that I can do it.” It's probably the closest thing to the truth that he can come up with.

She finally glances back at him, and he thinks she might be trying to smile behind her muffler. It's hard to tell. “You're almost there.”

“Yeah.”

It's close now. They push onwards.

- - -

They're shivering and wet from a brief morning rain when they finally make it to the torii at the end of the path. Todomatsu feels like throwing his hat in the air and popping a bottle and celebrating or something. But he also feels like lying down and curling up in a ball and dying. It was so damn cold. He could almost ignore and forget about it while he was hiking, but the temperature practically slams into him like a physical blow now that they'd reached the top...

The top. The top. He was finally here.

But he didn't have the brainpower to fully process it right now.

He looks over to his hiking companion, who was staring at the shrine. It had gotten light enough during the last hour that he could let go of her hand, but it was still a huge, huge favor for him...

“We made it.”

She smiles again, polite but somehow insincere. “Yeah.”

He raises a gloved hand in victory and watches her eyes widen. Shit, did he scare her again? She knows what a high five is, right? He's about to lower his arm and apologize, but then she's reaching up and tentatively tapping his palm with hers, the lightest of high fives.

Man, she really is cute. Still not going to hit on her, though. She's a battle he can't even begin to win.

“Let me buy you a cup of tea. I'm serious. Or coffee or cocoa or whatever you like? You really saved me back there.”

“Did I?” she sounds genuinely confused, but he really does mean that. “No, I'm fine. Thank you for the offer, but no.” Already she was starting to take a step back, like a bird preparing to take flight.

“Are you visiting the shrine?”

“Eventually,” she says, and seems to hesitate for a second. “I think I'll go to the post office first.”

“Oh, right! I almost forgot they have one up here.” It was pretty incredible, that's for sure. Mail a postcard from the top of Fuji for instant bragging rights. “You can tell your friends how nice the sunrise is.”

“My family,” she says, looking down at her hands. “It's been a long time since I spoke to them.”

Oh. Family.

Family is legit, too. He thinks of his brothers. It'll still be hours until they wake up—Jyushimatsu first, then Choromatsu, then Karamatsu and Osomatsu and Ichimatsu. He imagines buying a postcard and putting down their address and... what could he possibly say in it? Whatever the message might be, would those guys even care to read it? They wouldn't pat his back and be in awe of his accomplishment. They'd probably take one look at the card, assume it's spam or a misdelivery, and deliver it straight into the trash. No, he wouldn't send them a letter.

Come to think of it, he... really didn't have anyone to send a letter to at all. How pathetic was that? It's ridiculous.

But he stops himself from laughing. “I'm sure they'll be happy to hear from you.” As much as he means it, it somehow hurts a little to say.

She nods. And she might even understand, because she didn't look like she believes him either. “I hope so.”

And with that, she turns to go. Not even a goodbye. He stares at her faded yellow parka and it hits him that he hadn't even asked for her name, let alone her LINE contact or number. Even more surprising was the realization that he didn't want them. She really had helped him out, even if she might not have known how much. It seemed like he couldn't return the favor, even if he tried. But if he could just let her know—

“Hey!”

She doesn't look back at him, but pauses mid-walk. The other hikers part around her like water around a rock in a stream. He remembers her blank look, her sleepwalking steps, the thoughtful note in her voice when she talked about heights...

“Hang in there, okay?”

She glances over her shoulder and smiles. From this distance, he can't tell if it reaches her eyes.

- - -

The sky was already pale pink with dawn, but the persistent cloud cover was still hiding the sun from view. For now. That was fine. It meant he could go browse the shops selling hot drinks—at a premium, again. This place was freezing, after all.

He treats himself to an expensive paper cup of oshiruko and warms his hands around it as he searches for a place to sit. This place might as well be a park all over again. There were people everywhere, sitting on the ground and every available bench, eating snacks and chatting with friends and taking selfies against the pre-sunrise sky. Selfies... he still didn't feel like taking any. Wow, there's definitely something wrong with him now.

Mostly, he just felt tired. Fuji takes a lot out of a person. But it was going to be worth it, hopefully, when the sun comes up.

He finds a place farther along the slope near a slightly raised outcropping of rock that seemed like it'd offer a decent view. It takes a moment for him to brush the snow and ice off of a spot so he can sit down without freezing his ass off, but he manages and then takes his long-awaited seat with a sigh.

There were quite a lot of families and friends and tour groups nearby. Part of him wonders if they might be looking his way and laughing at how much of a loser he must be, climbing Fuji and waiting for the sunrise alone. Most of him, though? Really, really could not give less of a crap what people might be thinking of him right now. Seriously, they must have better things to do and more important things to focus on. Like the sun, in a couple minutes. He thinks he could see the white glow of it reflecting off the top of the clouds already.

The sea of clouds floods the earth below like a massive, fleecy blanket. And Fuji was a single island rising out from the top. He might not have a clear view across the rest of the country, but it's still a stunning view.

Todomatsu takes a sip of his drink and snaps a picture.

So, here he is. At the top. Waiting for the sun. The long trip, all that saving and planning and headaches and disconnection, all for this. Was it worth it?

Hell yes it was, but damn if he could explain why.

He's freezing his butt off here. He's several thousand yen poorer than he was two days ago. He's sleep-deprived and dizzy from altitude sickness. He hadn't washed his hair and he probably smells gross and sweaty and this is likely the most uncute moment of his life. It's pretty awesome. Not really in the way he was expecting, but then again he had no idea what he was expecting in the first place.

Some kind of life-changing revelation? Nothing like that was occurring to him right now. Wouldn't that be too easy, in the first place? If enlightenment were as simple as that, everyone in Japan or the entire world would be climbing Fuji.

Besides, he still wasn't sure if he even wanted anything life-changing to happen. If he had the opportunity to be taken care of for the rest of his life, he'd take it...

A murmur goes up from the crowd as a thin slice of sun peaks up over the sea of clouds. It's barely a sliver, but already he could hear the shutters of cameras going off and see people pointing it out as if it were a rare bird and not, well, the sun. Right in front of them. Not exactly hard to miss, you know? Especially since it's basically the entire point of the trip and everything...

He watches quietly. Even his sarcastic inner monologue paused.

The sunrise is almost a holy sight. It's even a part of Japan's name—land of the rising sun—and it's the sole symbol on the national flag. Todomatsu didn't think of himself as a very sentimental or traditional person, but... well, he came all the way up here for this. Time to see what all the mythology is about.

It takes a good 15 minutes or so for the sun to rise even partly out of the clouds. Around him, he could hear people happily talking among themselves or taking more pictures. A few were leaving for the shrine or post office. Todomatsu sits, clasping his hands behind his knees to try to keep them warm. It's not really working, but oh well.

This was a completely ordinary sunrise.

And, he realized, it's actually the first one he's ever seen in his life. Sitting down and watching the sun rise for a good half hour or so... who honestly does that? He never had.

But watching it now felt kind of romantic. Not necessarily for a girlfriend, though he wouldn't object to having one with him right now. It's the kind of romance Karamatsu would wax lyrical about in his terrible songs. Come to think of it, Karamatsu was the kind of person who would bask in and enjoy watching a sunrise. Todomatsu was probably as far from that type as you could get.

But here he was. Karamatsu and everyone else was still fast asleep back in Tokyo and he was here, 100 km and 3700 meters high up, watching the sun rise from Fuji. It felt surreal.

It felt great, even if he didn't feel cleansed or purified or hit with any life-changing revelations. Actually, he didn't feel like anything had changed at all. He's still the same, restless, virgin, no-accomplishment NEET he was before—

Okay, maybe he has one accomplishment to his name now.

Maybe that makes a small difference.

He raises his phone to take a selfie, then pauses. A selfie? For what? He... still didn't really feel like posting about his Fuji trip to twitter or bragging about it to his brothers. They wouldn't care, so why bother? He knew he climbed Fuji. He didn't need a selfie to remind him of that.

Jeez, maybe something really has changed if he doesn't feel like taking a selfie. That's fine, though. There's something about being here that just couldn't be captured in a photo. A lot of things, more like.

He raises his phone and snaps a shot of the sun, more than halfway free of the sea of clouds, bathing them in a wash of pink and golden light. It's a pretty stunning view, but a pretty mediocre picture. Well, it's only a cell phone pic, after all. It couldn't possibly compare to actually being here, shivering in the cold and dizzy with altitude and exhilaration.

It had been a long and painful and humbling trip. A real pain in the ass, honestly. Totally out of his comfort zone and out-of-character for him to even attempt in the first place.

He's glad he was crazy enough to try.

Chapter Text

Osomatsu opens the door to the bathroom and was nearly blindsided by steam. “What the—” What is this, a sauna? The place was practically dripping with condensation.

Sometimes, he forgot that their house actually had a bath. It was just more economical to go to the bathhouse. It'd take forever otherwise, with six brothers and one restroom. Whoever's in the tub now was seriously trying to run up the water bill.

And whoever's in the tub barely even moved in response to the door opening and the sound of his voice. Osomatsu waves a hand at the steam and squints. “Todomatsu?”

“Hi, Osomatsu-nii-san,” came the sing-song reply.

“Are you seriously taking a bath this early? It's 4 in the afternoon. How hot are you even running that thing?”

“I'm just a little tired. Sorry.” Todomatsu leans back in the rather cramped tub and closes his eyes. “Go ahead and take a dump, don't mind me.”

Tired? From what? That guy is always up to something. “Hey, Todomatsu, where were you last night? You missed out on oden at Chibita's.” … Waaait a minute. Osomatsu nearly jumps as the thought hits him. “Don't tell me you were at a girl's!”

“No, nii-san.”

“Oh.” Whew, virgin status quo secured. “Then what was it?”

Todomatsu hums, but his eyes were still closed as he sinks deeper into the steaming water. “Exercising. That's why I'm tired.”

Exercising. Exercising all night...

Uh, sure? Not like he knows what the hell real exercise is supposed to be like. Maybe there are night runs, like there are morning runs? Osomatsu shrugs and takes his dump. “Give us a head's up next time. We could have used you in the bathhouse quiz yesterday.”

“Nii-san, I did give you a head's up. I told you I was going to be away the whole day, remember?”

“Oh, right.” There's still something weird about this, but Osomatsu couldn't really put his finger on what it was. “Man, Todomatsu, remember back when we were kids? You hated baths! You'd practically start crying every time. It was hilarious!”

Todomatsu groans and Osomatsu grins. “That was years ago!”

“Sure, but it's still funny.”

“Oh yeah? Remember back when we were kids and Iyami tricked you into eating literal shit?”

Ugh, critical hit. Osomatsu clutches his chest dramatically. “Fine, fine! We were all stupid kids back then.”

Todomatsu lazily opens one eye, smirking. “And we're all stupid adults now.”

“At least we're consistent!” Osomatsu washes up at the sink when he notices the cell phone on the counter. Guess browsing it in the bath is a little too risky, even for his technophile brother. “Todomatsu, I'm borrowing your phone. Gonna try calling Todoko-chan again.”

“I'm pretty sure she has my number blocked,” Todomatsu calls from the bath.

“Whaat? Haven't you gotten a new number yet?”

“I'm not getting a new number every other week just to pester Totoko-chan, jeez. That's way too much effort.”

“Lame!”

Back at the living room, Osomatsu throws himself onto the couch, between Choromatsu reading a book and Karamatsu tuning his guitar. Choromatsu winces as Osomatsu accidentally-on-purpose elbows him in the ribs. Karamatsu adjusts his shades as they slip down his nose somewhat, then strums another chord.

Okay, he was just kidding about the Totoko thing. She knows better than to ever trust them with her real number, or it'd be ringing nonstop all day. He just wanted an excuse to mess with Todomatsu's phone, is that such a crime? He rarely put it down for a second. And he didn't exactly protest if any of his brothers borrowed it while he wasn't using it, but he was nearly always using it so that was a rare window of opportunity anyway.

Osomatsu didn't use a phone often enough to want one of his own, but sometimes Todomatsu had games on his. Maybe he could check those out and fuck with some save files or something. That'll teach him to skip out on a bathhouse penis-guessing quiz.

He swipes to the home screen and raises an eyebrow. There was something different about it, but it still takes a moment for him to recognize what it was. “Todomatsu, did you change your phone background?”

“Hmm?” A response from the open bathroom door. “I guess I did.”

“Yeah, it's always a selfie. All filtered and everything, too.” What a tool.

“I felt like an image change...” The voice trails off into a yawn. Wow, is that guy really going to fall asleep in the bath?

Choromatsu glances over Osomatsu's shoulder to peer at the phone screen. “Is that a stock photo? Must've been taken by an amateur.”

Karamatsu smirks and strikes a pose with a hand to his chin. “I like it. Sunsets are the lights of romance.”

“That doesn't even make sense, Karamatsu-nii-san,” says Todomatsu from the bath. “And it's a sunrise, not a set.”

“Even better,” Karamatsu says, without missing a beat.

Osomatsu just stares at the photo for a second longer. Then he shrugs and pulls up Puzzle & Dragons. Time to sell off Todomatsu's evo mats.

- - -

It takes two years until Todomatsu mentions his Fuji summit to his brothers. And they... well...

Why were they surprised? Why did they care ? Sure, Fuji's a famous mountain and everything. But, so what? They claimed that they weren't brothers who particularly loved Fuji, so why were they so offended that he hadn't told them? Even calling him a monster just because he had a few hobbies they didn't know about. Can't a guy climb a few mountains and not be hassled about it? What's next, he'll have to mention his kayaking trips?

Kidding, just kidding. He hasn't tried that yet. That's for in a few months from now, when tourist season cools off and pricing is more reasonable.

Todomatsu knows he has an ego—possibly the biggest of all of them—but he's not really a bragging type. Partly because showing off in front of his brothers is a sure way to get beaten up or get something stolen... it's a legitimate reason, okay? He's far from being humble . He just knows how to pick and choose his battles. And when it comes to dealing with his family? It's always the smart move to hide his hand.

So, not to brag about his trip, but he's totally prepared to brag about his trip if his brothers ask, now that it's common knowledge. Not that there was admittedly much to brag about. What could he say? There were a lot of rocks and overpriced snacks. He got a headache from the heights. It didn't really sound like much fun, if he put it that way, even if it was pretty great at the time. He still can't even explain why.

He waits, but on the way to the bathhouse... no one asks about Fuji. Or the Yatsugatakes. Or even his Go club. Osomatsu was even more curious about Jyushimatsu's stocks, which is totally understandable. What if Jyushimatsu hits big one day and ends up a millionaire? Think of how many horse race tickets that could buy!

Yeah, so. Those guys wouldn't have been interested in Fuji or Go or his gym. Barely an hour after telling them, they'd already completely forgotten about it. So what was the big deal? He knew his brothers. Honestly, he wasn't even surprised or offended that they didn't care. It was to be expected. It was kind of a relief. There are some things—rather, most things—that he'd rather keep to himself. Headaches on Fuji or embarrassing moments scared shitless of the dark, for instance. Or the memory of a sunrise above clouds.

He doesn't think he's changed exactly since that trip two years ago, but he probably came to better grips with himself. He knows what he's capable of. He takes risks. He even got a job... okay, even if he wasn't able to hold onto it, he could plan more and be sneakier about it next time if he tries again. It'll probably happen someday. They can't all be NEETs forever, even he knows that. He'll just laze it up while he still can.

And on his restless days—

- - -

Today, he's planning to hike Nantai in Nikko. It's a little far away, but it should be a good day trip if he gets up early. Todomatsu sets his alarm for 6 am and wakes blearily up to Osomatsu snoring and nearly drooling in his ear. Gross. He carefully climbs out of the futon and prepares a cold breakfast of leftovers while checking the weather prediction. Clear and sunny. Perfect. The forecast, he means, not the leftovers. Now that he thinks of it, maybe he could try to pick up cooking again and make a bento for himself when he goes out. Like some kind of housewife making lunch for her kid's school trip or something... jeez, what an embarrassing thought. But, on the other hand, it'd definitely save on eating out.

Nantai isn't as high or brutal as Fuji, which is, after all, the tallest peak in Japan. He estimates that this would be a 5 hour round trip hike, with about three hours on buses to get there. He'll leave near 7, start the climb at 11, reach the top at 2-3 pm. Then it'll be a shorter one hour descent and he'll be back in Tokyo by evening.

He's brushing his teeth when he realizes he's humming along to a melody he doesn't recognize or remember. And when he stops, it continues playing. What the hell? Did someone leave a radio on or something? He checks his watch—20 minutes to go until he catches his bus. He still has time. So he finishes up in the bathroom and grabs his backpack before investigating that radio. It sounded like it was coming from somewhere around...

He finds Karamatsu at the roof, which he nearly trips on and falls off in exasperation. How did he forget the sound of that guitar? Now that he thinks of it, he did notice a few empty spots in the futon when he woke up that morning. Jyushimatsu must've gotten up and was probably practicing his swings somewhere. And Karamatsu was... apparently, here. Practicing a song.

Karamatsu pauses as he notices footsteps behind him, then turns and beams at his visitor. “Morning, brother.”

“Hi, Karamatsu-nii-san.” This was kind of awkward. “You're up early.”

Karamatsu smirks and inclines his head towards the sky. “A man rises with the sun and—”

“Okay, okay, I get the idea.” Todomatsu cuts him off before he could launch into a painful monologue or something. “What song were you playing? Did you write that?”

“No, that's something I call...” A strum down the strings— “A cover.”

“What was with that pause?” He can see Karamatsu patting himself down hopefully, as if searching for something in his pockets to throw dramatically to the ground. Thankfully, he comes up empty-handed. Todomatsu crosses his arms. “Stop that, nii-san.”

Karamatsu looked confused. “The song?”

“No, not the song.” Oh man, this is going to be pretty embarrassing to admit, but Todomatsu bites the bullet. “The song was nice, I guess.”

His brother stares at him, then starts to tear up. “Totty...!”

God damn it, he probably should have expected a response like that. Todomatsu starts to beat a hasty retreat towards the door. He still has a bus to catch, after all. “Okay, enjoy your practice. Bye, Karamatsu-nii-san—”

“Ah, Totty—” He can see his brother glance at his hat, his backpack, his boots. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Out.” ... Very helpful, Todomatsu.

“Mountain climbing?”

He sighs and checks his watch. “Yes, mountain climbing. It's not Fuji, so you don't need to worry about that or anything.” Honestly, these guys. It's not like they even cared!

But Karamatsu was getting to his feet and gazing dreamily off to... where he probably imagined Fuji to be, even though Todomatsu knew he was looking in the completely opposite direction. “Ah, mountains. The heights to heaven itself. Even I have been struggling up the mountain called life—”

“Nii-san, you've never hiked a mountain before in your life.” Todomatsu says dryly.

“Perhaps not literally, but—”

“Literally is what matters, right?”

“—But,” Karamatsu continues with a flourish, “That can certainly change! I have decided. Let us journey together to conquer your mountain, Todomatsu.” In a blink, he was suddenly by Todomatsu's side, waving an arm out at the morning sky. “As your number one brother, I have a duty to brave these challenges by your side.”

Wait, what? It takes a moment for Karamatsu's words to sink in, but then they do. “You want to come with me?”

His brother just beams at him in response, and Todomatsu instantly fires into backpedaling mode. “No, no, that's not happening.”

Karamatsu obliviously ignores him. “When are you leaving?”

“Right now. Alone .”

“Naturally,” Karamatsu says, practically sparkling in enthusiasm. “How can it be otherwise? Two brothers, journeying out alone into the wilderness...”

“No, you're misunderstanding the basic definition of 'alone' here.”

“Alone, we can summit the mountain together.”

“Alone, I can do it alone!” He takes in Karamatsu's words belatedly. “And that doesn't even make sense in the first place, nii-san!”

Karamatsu frowns. “I can't come with you?”

“Of course not.”

“Why?”

He even has to ask why? He's too painful, obviously!... That's the obvious response, but Todomatsu knows it's not the entire truth even as it's lingering on the tip of his tongue, waiting to be said. Yes, Karamatsu is painful. But they do fish and shoot the shit together, if only occasionally. He'd hate to be seen out in public with his older brother. But, then again, the mountains were definitely not as public as the city, or even the fishing pool in Tokyo.

They used to be so close, back when they were just kids. He remembers that. And now he's trying to come up with excuses to avoid him... what changed?

All of them changed.

“Ah, this pain afflicts my very soul,” Karamatsu laments. “The pain of not being able to accompany my brother soul-searching in the mountains.”

“It's not a soul-searching trip! Don't be dramatic.” Todomatsu returns to the house to finish preparing to leave. He's not surprised when Karamatsu follows him. “I just do it for fun.”

Karamatsu looks almost surprised at the mundane reason. “Really?”

“Anyway, you'll get tired.”

“My man's spirit will pull me through—”

“It's a three hour trip to get there and three back.”

“A man's spirit must be patient—”

“You're not interested.” None of them would be interested. He knew those guys. Mountains may as well be literal worlds away from pachinko and mens' fashion and idols and cats.

But now Karamatsu just looks confused. “Why would I not be interested if I'm asking to come with you?”

Why would...

Todomatsu stops, mid-packing a water bottle into his bag. Then he turns and stares at his older brother, almost stunned. “You really want to come?”

Karamatsu smirks, pulls a pair of shades from his breast pocket and twirls it onto his face. Why, why was he putting those on inside the house? There's no sun to shade from! “I've been saying it all this time. I've been climbing this mountain called life... heh, but it wouldn't be bad to climb a real mountain with my number one brother, either.”

“You know, when I said that you're number one, I meant...” That everyone was number one, obviously! Karamatsu knew that, right? But his brother just grins at him and Todomatsu just gives up. Damn it.

This was a mistake. Sure, Nantai wasn't nearly as high or tough as Fuji. It's probably intermediate level in terms of length and difficulty, as far as he can tell. But Karamatsu was Karamatsu. When was the last time he got any exercise? He'd probably run out of breath halfway up. He'd probably fall and break his kneecap or something. Todomatsu would probably have to ditch him for slowing him down...

“When's the bus, Totty?”

He checks his phone. “Ten minutes.” And then he just stares at the screen blankly for a long moment. “Do you have hiking boots?”

Karamatsu beams and Todomatsu almost feels like punching himself. This is a mistake. He can tell already.

But, then again, he thought that Fuji was too. He doesn't think he's changed since that sunrise two years ago, but maybe he has. What was he even doing with his life before Fuji? Jack shit, he knows. Hanging out with girls he couldn't even remember the names of, watching shows and movies he can't remember the plots of. Being a slacker NEET with no accomplishments and drive at all.

What changed after Fuji?

Well, he's still a slacker NEET doing jack shit with his life. But he's climbed the Yatsugatakes, joined gyms and clubs, even got a job for a while. Life is about taking risks, like trying to summit Fuji. Like altitude sickness or a hazing from his brothers when they discovered his workplace... compared to those, maybe bringing Karamatsu along to a single hike wouldn't be too much of a hassle, right?

Karamatsu slides back into view, gesturing grandly to his sparkling, golden high-heels. "Will these do?"

... Or maybe he spoke too soon. Todomatsu summons the sweetest smile he can muster and turns it full-force on his oblivious older sibling. "You'll have to break them in properly."

Oh, something will be broken all right. Maybe his eyes will be, if he stares at those shoes for too long, but he'll prefer breaking in Karamatsu instead. Either he knocks some common sense into Karamatsu, or he'll reluctantly drag his godawful brother and those godawful shoes to Nantai if he insists on being a moron. He can learn from the school of hard knocks. He'll need it.

Climbing a mountain takes conviction. Like life, if you want to get philosophical about it.

Fuji might be the closest thing to his Everest, but there are always other heights.