Chapter Text
“It’s okay, I’m not hungry.” Huening-Kai said, passing the menu over to Beomgyu without offering it as so much of a glance.
A lie.
He was starving. The university student was only able to drink a smoothie for lunch because he’d had a lecture straight after rehearsals for his vocal class.
If there was anyone who was able to devour the triple cheeseburger and fries which taunted the student from it’s mouthwatering image plastered on the pub’s menu selection, it would have been Kai. The youngest would have no issues whatsoever.
Yet the student chose to decline. His stomach growled in protest as he slumped further into his chair. His hand finds its way to his cheek, rubbing it in small circles as a lifeline to the pain which lies underneath.
His roommate, Taehyun looks at him with a defined look of concern, making the hairs of his arm stand up like a frightened cat. It’s a feeling he’s grown accustomed to ever since the elder of the two began noticing his lack of appetite.
Yeonjun, being the eldest of their circle of five; steps in, “Kai-yah, you didn’t have anything since morning, have something small at least.” The elder said, his tone leaving no room for resistance.
Kai wanted to. His stomach nudged him alongside the eldest to have something, anything to fulfill the hunger he felt gnawing at him from the inside of his chest. Its been a battle he’s been fighting for the past week now but there was only one clear winner.
The thoughts which never escaped his head. If Kai thought they were bad before…he was sorely mistaken. Ever since the discovery of the pain within his mouth, the nightmares increased tenthfold. Each one promising nothing but pain and suffering which Kai refused to give into. Never again.
So, to keep the eldest boy from shoving a burger down his throat, he settles for a side of fries while promising Yeonjun that he’ll be unable to finish a full burger by himself, despite how his stomach grumbled in protest.
The boys sighed in defeat but reluctantly dropped the issue. Soon the conversation turned to other things, taking the heat off the youngest as he plastered a smile and laughed at the perfect moments.
The friend group’s sunshine indeed.
Soon, he excuses himself to the bathroom after a twinge of pain left him a little too breathless. He walks off easily, holding his head to the ground as he makes his way to the bathroom at the back of the building.
However, when he left, the conversation from before returns.
“So, are we just not going to acknowledge the elephant in the room?” Beomgyu says with a deadpan look to the group members.
Soobin sighs, his hands curling through his hair, a habit since highschool, “No don’t worry Gyu-yah…we all see it.” The others nod collectively in agreement, whilst remaining suspended in their own thoughts.
Soobin cuts the silence, “So, anyone know a dentist?” He asks the group.
Taehyun spoke up, “I’ve got that part figured out, it’s more about how do we get Kai to agree to see one.”
Yeonjun looks at the younger boy, “Is he afraid of it?”
Taehyun nods, “I’ve tried to bring up the idea for a week now, but every time I do…he shuts me out or tries to change the topic.”
“I mean I get it—“ Yeonjun admits, “I’m not the biggest fan either…but this is starting to affect him more than it should.” Yeonjun says, “Plus, the longer he waits, the more serious it gets.”
The others nod in agreement once more. Everyone understands the need for Kai to visit the dentist but there is only so much they can do if Kai wasn’t planning to go willingly.
“Well, it’s decided then. We have to get him to see one before it gets worse.” Beomgyu says. The other boys verbally agree with the music student.
Though, Yeonjun presents a point to the declaration, “But even if we do, who’s gonna see him in such short notice? The University dental facility has a waiting list and emergency appointments cost more than an arm and a leg even without a toothache.” Yeonjun exclaims.
“Oh that’s not an issue.” Taehyun replies, crossing his arms with a sure smile.
The boys turn to him in confusion, causing Taehyun to fish out his university ID card from his worn-out leather wallet and place it in the middle of the table.
On it, the details are just as they expect. However, when they glance at the degree qualification labelled on the card…the boys all look at him with a expression of surprise.
“Wait, I thought you said you were studying health? Why does it say ‘Dental’ on here?” Soobin says with a confused expression. The other boys are also as equally perplexed with the reveal.
Taehyun fails to hide a sheepish grin as he nervously rubs the nape of his neck, “Well I wasn’t exactly wrong…Dental does comes under Health doesn’t it?”
“Wait so you’re studying dentistry?” Beomgyu says, his eyes wide in realisation as he passes the card back to Taehyun after its been through the circle of friends; excluding Kai.
Taehyun hums in approval, “I am, but I still need help to convince him to see me.” Taehyun, or rather, the dental student reminds.
The others agree. However Taehyun notices the eldest looking down at the floor for a while, “Junnie-hyung, you okay?”
The eldest boy’s eyes met Taehyun with a cryptic expression, “Yeah, I’m good.” Yeonjun said, his eyes telling a different story to his words.
Taehyun chose not to pry further, after all everyone had different views about the profession. Hence he’d initially kept it a secret from the group.
He’d hear rumours of other dental students having friends being afraid or weirded out which led to finding it difficult to make friendships without either being exploited for free services or people completely avoiding them regarding anything about their degree. That’s why he went with the more general term of the career.
Taehyun continues, “Anyway, I have the skills and knowledge to help but I have no idea how to get him to accept my help.”
Suddenly, a voice interrupts them. “Who isn’t accepting your help?” Kai asks, finding his way back to his seat whilst silently startling them in the process.
“Uh…” Taehyun started, trying to find a logical enough excuse. “Oh me! Beomgyu interjected. “Yeah I have a small cough and a sore throat but Taehyun-ah wants me to go to the clinic tommorow to have a check-up because he thinks it could be pneumonia…he’s such a health student right guys.” Beomgyu rambled, saving Taehyun’s secret.
The others nodded quickly, conserving the lie. “Well Beomgyu-hyung, if you’re sick or in pain you should go and see someone at the clinic, no?” Kai said.
“That’s true Kai-yah, maybe I will go.” Beomgyu said while trying to hide the undercurrent of sarcasm in his voice towards the same person who had been in pain for a week and didn’t do anything about it.
However Kai flashed him a simple smile which replaced the feeling of hypocrisy.
Just then, the food arrived.
Kai’s face blanched as he watched the other boys take their meals topped with food and other assortments of culinary delicacies as he stares down at his fries with a pang of sadness. He wanted nothing more to curl up into a ball and sob but then he’d have to surrender to the consequence. Seeing a dentist.
“Kai-yah? You okay?” Taehyun asked as he notices the other glancing at him from next to his place beside him on the oak table.
“Oh I’m fine Taehyunnie-hyung, just thinking about something.” Taehyun nodded cooly, “Alright, have some fries before they get cold. Gotta have enough energy for beer pong don’t you?” The youngest nodded with a tight lipped smile whilst picking up a fry.
The fry made its way to his mouth. Kai carefully guided it to the non-painful side as he crunched it against his teeth. Taehyun watched him out of the corner of his eye, subtly watching his friend exercise caution to chew the fry without aggravating a certain area of his mouth.
The others also kept a subtle eye on the youngest. It was clear the other was in pain despite his adamant refusal to it whenever anyone asked him. They had to do something.
However, it seemed fate was on Taehyun’s side that night…The boy was eating the fries peacefully however a crunch followed by a pained groan echoed from Kai sitting next to him.
Instinctively, his dental side took over. “Kai-yah, you okay? You hurt?”
Kai’s hands flew to the side of his cheek, massaging it softly as he shook his head, biting his lip while doing so.
Taehyun turned to the boy and held his chin in his hand. “Here let me have a look, it’s okay.” The dental student said softly, with hope that Kai would give into the pain and let him finally check for the problem.
It was a simple request, it came from a place of love, care and compassion. The dental student’s only intent behind it was to offer some solution to his roommate’s suffering.
Kai knew this, deep down he knew Taehyun would never hurt him…
However, the memories surrounding his past trauma were too strong. They strangled him like a noose, leaving the boy breathless and unable to scream for help. It was too painful and if there was anything Kai knew…it was to never go through that pain again.
He jolted violently, quickly forcing Taehyun’s hand away from his chin. “No I’m fine.”
Yeonjun scoffed, “Yeah, and i’m the president of America. Come on Kai-yah, you can’t possibly say you’re fine after that.” The eldest deadpanned, not taking his eyes off the squirming youngest.
Kai laughed nervously, “I-I’m fine guys, just bit my cheek that’s all.” Beomgyu retorts, “Alright, if you are truly fine then finish a fry in front of us.” Kai gulped however he still picks up another fry. He took more care to avoid that side of his face while he put the fry in his mouth. “See, I’m alright.”
Yeonjun tore his gave away with a resigned sigh, picking the fries off his own plate instead of trying to confront Kai and worsen the situation for him and himself further.
Soobin takes care of damage control, “Well, I’ll go order the drinks then? Who’s having what?”
Kai finished the last of the fries before speaking, “It’s okay Soobin-hyung, I’m going back to the room to rest. I have an early morning class tomorrow anyway.”
“We do?” Beomgyu says while eating the last of the salad off his plate.
Kai chuckles nervously, increasing Taehyun’s concern further. “Yeah hyung remember? It’s that uhh…dance recital class or something.” Kai stands up from the table before Beomgyu had a chance to expose the lie. “Anyway I need sleep for that, maybe next time.”
Then he faced Taehyun quickly, “Can I have your keycard for the dorm please? I left mine at home.” Taehyun himself stood up from his place from the table. “It’s okay Kai-yah, I have a morning class too so I’ll head off with you.”
Kai laughed nervously, “It’s okay Taehyun-hyung, you can stay longer…” The boy interjects calmly, “No, I’ll head off with you, I’m tired anyway.”
The youngest couldn’t do anything about that. They both bid farewell to the group as they made their way to their two-bedroom dwelling in the university apartment complex.
Taehyun fished the keycard from his pocket whilst Kai fished his brain for a way to avoid Taehyun in their shared bathroom and save himself from the world of questions if the older boy finds out about his secret.
They stepped inside the apartment with a sigh. In the depths of the room, Kai could hear the tell-tale sign of Taehyun’s cat, Hoobak emerging from her place in his bedroom.
Taehyun greeted her cheerfully. He picked her up as she purred within his arms as his soft hands stroked her fur, playfully pinching her paw with the white sock of fur.
Kai took this fleeting moment as a blessing from the cat, “I’m gonna head to the bathroom first then.” Taehyun looked up to Kai, “Yeah sure go ahead I’ll join you later.”
Kai didn’t waste a second. Removing his shoes and placing them against the door, he walked on over to their shared bathroom within the 2-bedroom dorm. The light flickered slightly as he turned it on and the fan crackled, wheezing it’s last breath as Kai stepped into the small space.
He showered a little slower than usual. The warm water served as a distraction to the hot jabs of pain within his mouth. He dressed up easily, option for a plain shirt and boxers as he fluffed up his hair from the towel placed on the rack beside the sink.
Then the dreaded task foreshadowed him. His toothbrush sat against the wall as it casually watched him freak out once again over the fact he’d have to brush before bed and deal with the traces of blood in his mouth as he cleaned his teeth.
He hesitantly washed his brush, taking a little more water than necessary but he was willing to do anything to prolong the suffering that came with brushing his teeth.
“Don’t wet the brush that much Kai-yah, the toothpaste will fall off easier.” Taehyun reminded calmly, shutting off the tap quickly in one single motion.
Kai tensed. He didn’t expect the elder would join him that quickly but it seemed that the universe really wanted to test his resolve today.
Kai dabbed the toothpaste onto the brush as he noticed Taehyun watching him quietly from the doorframe of the bathroom. “Don’t you need to shower or do something else?”
“Nope, I need the sink after you anyway because I just need to brush my teeth and wash my face.” The elder boy said easily, his arm leaning against the doorframe with a smirk taunting the younger from the mirror.
Kai sighed. With the way his acting was going to have to be he could’ve won an Oscar, but now he had to be extra convincing to avoid suspicion from the health student.
Kai brought the brush to his mouth, craning his jaw open as he brushed the surfaces of his molars first. He didn’t have to worry about pain for now as he took extra time to clean this side of his mouth, spitting as close to the sink to avoid Taehyun noticing the blood within the residue foam.
Then, Taehyun moved from his place from the door and Kai instantly turned to face him to cover the evidence of blood within his mouth. “I did a class where they showed us this way to brush…here-“ Taehyun says as he held the brush which still remained in Kai’s hand, leaving the boy with little room to protest. The boy rubbed small circles across Kai’s teeth all while explaining the angles of the brush with the excitement of a five year old telling you about their favourite toy.
Kai couldn’t help but smile watching his roommate get excited about teaching him about oral hygiene however the excitement soon died as he’d noticed the other finish up on the first side of his mouth and he felt his hand being dragged back to the second section where the pain resides.
“It’s okay hyung, I’ve got this side.” Taehyun wanted to protest but he looked slightly defeated as he let the younger brush the other side of his mouth. As Kai brushed, more blood was pooling within the foam as he watched the elder boy‘s reflection within the mirror.
He finished up quickly, erasing any traces of blood from the sink before he gargled and washed up before heading out to his room.
Taehyun watched him leave with a small smile. Kai tried reciprocating the gesture but the smile never reached his eyes anymore. The toll of fear and pain was weighing down on his body as he trudged to his bedroom.
Taehyun finished up his routine quickly. Soon they both wished each other a simple goodnight as they each retreated to their respective rooms. However while Taehyun was softly snoring away, Kai was a different story.
He tried everything. From moving the pillows to counting sheep. The poor boy couldn’t catch a break not only from the ache in his own mouth but the raging thoughts from his head, torturing him to no end as he laid awake to stare at the ceiling, his last cry of help for sleep to take over.
It works!
For a solid three whole hours.
Kai grumbled as he flung the covers off himself and rustled with his sleep addled hair. He plodded into the living room and took a peak of the older boy’s room.
Coast was clear.
He reached towards their medicine cabinet, shuffling a familiar pill bottle to the side to pick up the sleeping pills case he’d stowed away for desperate times. This being one of them.
He carefully filled a glass of water before slotting the pills in his hand as he brought them to his mouth. With a sigh, he gulped them with his glass of water in one swift motion.
It took a bit for the pills to take effect, considering they were the over-counter version of the pills within the pharmacy Kai had been to after having one to many sleepless nights. The student sighed in annoyance, how long could he keep this charade up?
The answer was provided to him pretty quickly. Said reasoning watched the younger boy stealthily as he saw the tear streaks dulling the sunshine that was his roommate. Taehyun was beginning to lose patience. He couldn’t let Kai keep this up for much longer.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Kai jolted at the deep baritone of Taehyun’s sleep addled voice. His mind was a frenzy despite the pills taken previously.
“Something like that.” Kai said causally, praying to anyone out there that Taehyun would just forget the ordeal and go back to his room.
Taehyun walked closer to the younger. Despite the youngest having better luck in the height department…Taehyun’s scrutinising gaze made Kai feel like a five year old caught out from stealing from the cookie jar. He took the pill bottle still cupped in Kai’s hands and examined it carefully, his eyebrows raised once he saw the usage of the pill.
“Well, what’s going on that you resorted to off counter sleeping pills?” Taehyun confronted calmly. However, Kai’s heart dropped to his feet as Taehyun prodded him for an answer. The game was up. Or so Taehyun thought.
“Uh it’s- a headache! Yeah I had a really bad headache.” Kai rambled. Taehyun held back the sigh of disappointment on his tounge and simply asked, “Kai-yah, you and I both know that we take different pills for headaches so what pain are you trying to hide from me?
Kai shuffled in his spot leaning against the counter as Taehyun strides forward. He placed the pill bottle back down as he went closer and closer to the young boy who couldn’t stop stammering at the clear advancement onto the youngest.
He was close enough that he could take in every subtle detail of Kai’s face. Then, it all came to head when Taehyun’s hand carefully made it to the youngest’s cheek, his thumb gently pushing against the wall of solitude he put himself in from this predicament.
“Ahh- Hyung that hurts.” Kai could practically taste the mint of Taehyun’s breath as he spoke. “I know Kai-yah, follow me.” Kai felt his hand being pulled towards the living room as he plopped down onto the couch. Taehyun also took a seat just beside him.
“So, what’s the problem?” The elder tried again. Kai dodged the question twice but this time he doubts he’ll be able to use that trick on the elder boy. He was a health student for crying out loud. He still wonders how he’s been able to survive this long with Taehyun under their shared roof.
Some part of him just wants to give into the temptation to tell the elder. Just unload all his worries and fears onto his best friend who he knew would understand his hesitance to everything so far.
That’s when the memory started.
TW #1 Starts:
The pain. It was unimaginable…Kai was so taken aback from the sensation that he couldn’t even breathe properly during the ordeal. It was like someone had stuck lava down his tooth and started melting the material deeper into the gum socket.
Not to mention the smell. The singed scent of burnt tooth dust filled his nostrils to the point it made his head spin. If he wasn’t filled with adrenaline from head to toe, the boy would’ve passed out from the stench of copper blood and singed enamel coating his nose.
The worst part. He couldn’t do anything. His mouth was propped open with a block of rubber which removed his ability to even try and communicate to those administering this torture to his mouth. Not that it would have made a difference…the practice had been a last ditch effort to repair the decayed tooth with what little money that Kai’s family were able to provide for his unforeseen medical expense.
The poor boy left the dental practice with tears. His skin felt hot as he rubbed the inner part of his cheek with his tongue. The pain, although a distant memory had left Kai wishing he’d just waited for the tooth to fall out of his head instead of visiting the dreaded dental facility.
TW #1 Ends:
Which brings him to now, as Taehyun waited for him to surrender to the pain, the suffering, the help he so desperately needed and the help that the dental student was so desperately willing to provide for his roommate to lessen his suffering.
But the memories stopped him. Once again he felt himself pushing the elder away after showing defiance against the issue he was facing both in his mouth and in his head.
“I’m fine Taehyun-hyung. Please just leave me alone.” Kai said, his voice unable to hide the lie in his words.
Taehyun’s brows furrowed, “Kai…”
The boy stood up from his place, not letting the other finish his sentence. Unable to spare the elder boy another glance as otherwise he would see the droplets of tears which nestled in his eyelids as he quickly escaped to the sanctuary of his bedroom.
The tears stained the pillow as he succumbed to the pill’s effects and slept.
-.-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Kai woke up with a start. The last conversation he had with Taehyun left a bitter taste in his mouth that rivaled the taste of copper when he brushed his teeth that morning.
He emerged from the bathroom to the kitchen, where he saw the elder placing Hoobak’s cat food in its respective location by the window.
The cat found it easily. Rubbing her body against Taehyun’s leg before making a beeline straight to the food bowl, leaving a ghost of a smile on Taehyun’s lips as he was watching his cat eat with appreciation.
Kai decided to start on making his daily smoothie for the day. He fished out the last of the fruit and milk from the fridge and placed them all within the vincity of the power supply within the kitchen.
Taehyun watched him quietly. His eyes moving with Kai’s every movement as he himself started pouring a bowl of cereal and milk into a bowl whilst Kai poured his smoothie into a glass.
“Thought you had a morning class?” Taehyun said, his voice cold and emotionless.
“Thought you also did.” Kai shot back.
“Well you’re not the only one that’s good at lying then.” Taehyun replied coolly, an undercurrent of disappointment hidden in his tone.
Kai’s heart broke at that. The two were never known to fight about anything. Taehyun always provided Kai with endless amounts of patience and Kai always tried his best to never annoy the elder to the point where an argument was the only form of communication.
It may have not seemed like an argument but Kai knew what this was. Taehyun was upset. The elder was never one to fire back at anyone. Instead leaving himself to deal with his emotions before coming to a rational conclusion about everything.
For him to be this cold towards Kai meant he’d really screwed up. Big time.
The thought of that was just too much. Everything was just too much for the young boy who couldn’t catch a break from anything going on in his life.
He couldn’t hold the dam of emotions within him. He didn’t dare look to the elder as the tears slipped from his eyes. Blinking softly to erase the feeling as he let them fall one by one.
“Oh Kai-yah…” Taehyun’s own eyes were misty as he watched his roommate softly break down beside him. He softly got up from the table and wrapped his arms around the still-crying younger boy.
Kai cried harder. The sobs wracked his body as he felt Taehyun’s small frame behind him as he stroked his hair and let his own tears fall down.
Taehyun let the other cry for as long as he needed. He let himself feel the emotions pent up inside him while offering the support he knew Kai so desperately craved despite his reluctance to seek for it.
Between the sobs, Taehyun heard the broken voice of his roommate which sent a whole new wave of emotions coursing through him, “I’m sorry Hyung. I-I a-am s-s-so sorry.”
“Ssh honey, I’m also sorry. Hyung shouldn’t have been so blunt with you.” Taehyun whispered to the boy, using the nickname to comfort the young boy.
“N-no hyung, I wasn’t telling the truth, I deserved that. I’m sorry.” Kai sobbed.
Taehyun wanted to prod for a reason however he decided fixing the problem took priority, “It’s okay Kai-yah, I was just worried…I don’t want you to be in pain anymore, when I can fix it.”
Kai looked up at the elder boy with a confused expression, “Wait…what do you mean you can fix it…”
Taehyun saw his opening.
The dental student contemplated his next words carefully, “Do you trust me Kai-yah?”
Kai’s voice grew even more confused but no matter how much confusion he felt, his answer would always remain the same for the question. “Yeah I do hyung.”
Taehyun led the duo back to the couch and asked Kai to sit whilst he grabbed something from his room. Kai obeyed, his senses were heightened but he wasn’t going to go ahead and leave Taehyun again after what he’d put the elder through this past week.
Taehyun emerged from his room, his hands carrying a small blue packet with its contents shielded from Kai’s view.
The dental student sat beside the elder on the couch still fiddling with the packet’s contents in his grasp.
“Well, this may answer your question.” Taehyun replied, flipping the packet over.
TW #2 Starts:
Kai glanced at the packet again. Then, a wave of dread washed over him once he recognised its contents which were now revealed to Kai. A dental mirror and explorer were encased in the flimsy blue packaging.
Suddenly the situation dawned on him like a tune to a bad record. His heartbeat increased tenth-fold as his palms became drenched in sweat.
His breath felt stuck in his chest as he forced the air out from his lungs. It was as if he was submerged in the deep sea, he’s pushing kicking screaming from the inside but the toll is taking his energy bit by bit till eventually he’s slipping from life’s grasp.
Then just as he’s closing his eyes and giving in to the pressure, a voice echoes through the rushing noise in his head.
Simple requests. A slow breath here, a breath out there. However, each one lifted his body out of the depths slowly. One by one he felt his senses return to him and he pushed. He fought the battle with every breath and hitch till he could see Taehyun’s face on the other side of the chaos.
TW #2 Ends:
And there he was. Rubbing circles on his shoulders as he made it back to the present. He felt circles on his palms and Taehyun’s eyes met his. Kind. Understanding. His Taehyun. His best friend.
“Doing better?” Taehyun asked softly like he was talking to a small animal instead of a grown human.
“A little…” Kai answered, feeling the constricting feeling leave his chest allowing him to breathe again.
He could feel the elder’s concerned gaze bore into him like the drill that he knew awaits him.
Taehyun look straight into Kai’s eyes, “Something happened didn’t it? That’s why you haven’t made an appointment.”
Kai’s heart quickened as Taehyun dissected his well crafted wall of solitude and defiance to what it ultimately was. A memory that has stopped him from seeking help.
Kai let the barriers slip. “Yeah, I’m terrified of the dentist because the last time I went it caused pain.” The younger said with a deadpan expression, his eyes glued to the floor.
Taehyun’s heart aches for the younger. Whatever he’d been through must’ve been so traumatic that the young ball of sunshine turned into a thunder cloud of misery and despair as he fought against those memories. He berated himself for trying to force the younger to seek help instead of being the friend he really needed.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you Kai-yah. I can’t even imagine what you went through during the ordeal.” The elder said.
Kai’s emotions got the better of him, “It was so bad hyung, I felt so much pain and I couldn’t even scream for help…I just didn’t want to go through it again.” He admitted quietly.
Taehyun’s eyes watered slightly as he spoke, “Oh Kai-yah, honey I promise that I wont let that ever happen to you again. I’ll never let you go through that-“
“How can you be so sure hyung? You can’t control them and then they just brush off your pain while they keep going on and on with their drilling and sanding till all you can taste is the tooth dust!” Kai yelled, his fears overtaking him.
Taehyun’s hand find his again, voice firm yet soft-spoken. “I promise Kai, I wont let it happen to you.” Kai found his eyes again, “Wait what do you mean “I”? Don’t tell me you’re a…” Taehyun nodded quietly, letting the other realise the truth. “Yeah, I’m studying to be a dentist, Kai-yah.”
Kai jerked his hand away from the Taehyun as he was told the truth,“Y-you’re one of them?” Kai stammered, his voice shaking like their friendship.
“Well not yet but I only have a year to go-“ Taehyun tried to explain. “No…no no no y-you’re going to be one of them.” Kai interjects, his voice echoing the betrayal and fear that strangled him as he sat next to Taehyun.
The youngest shot up from the couch, trembling as he grabbed his jacket and walked towards the door. Taehyun tried to stop him but the younger brushed him off harshly as he felt the soft slam of the door echo in the dorm room.
The dental student didn’t know what to do. His textbooks talked about patients who were scared of dentists alongside the fact he’d comforted many patients who’d been afraid after he’d seen them tremble as he came closer to the chair. However, he’d never seen such a case as severe as Kai’s. Taehyun had never felt so helpless before.
He fished for his phone and called for the people he knew would be able to help. His breath hitched as he let it ring.
A few rings and then Soobin’s voice filtered through the speaker of his phone. “Taehyun-ah? What’s happening…what’s wrong?
“It’s Kai, he ran off…” Taehyun admitted sadly.
The dental student could hear a small rustle and a faint curse as the door closed on the other side of the call. “Yeonjun-hyung has gone to look for him. Beomgyu-ah and I are on our way over now.”
Taehyun sniffled, “Okay hyung, I’m here anyways.”
Soon, the ping of a keycard signalled Taehyun to the two elder boys who entered the apartment. The boys found Taehyun, his face streaked with tears as he caught the gaze of his elder friends who rushed to his side.
“Taehyun-yah? What’s going on?” Beomgyu said as he held his arms around the younger boy’s frame.
“Did you tell him?” Soobin asked. Taehyun nodded sadly, “It’s much worse than I thought…”
Soobin raised his brows in surprise, “Did he let you look at his teeth?” Taehyun shook his head. “No, I didn’t even get to that point before he ran off…I told him my degree first and he was so scared that he ran off.” Taehyun explained dejectedly.
Beomgyu hummed in understanding, “So he’s really dental-phobic…I wonder why.”
“He’s got PTSD from childhood. I think something bad happened to him at the dentist.” Taehyun revealed.
The dots connected for the other boys in the room, “Oh well that explains what’s going on now but what do we do? He can’t wait till the tooth falls out…” Soobin pondered.
Taehyun raked his hands through his hair, “Exactly but he’s so dental-phobic that if he even sees a dental chair he’ll have a panic attack…I could offer him sedation when he comes to the clinic but I need to see the problem first so I can do that.”
The others nodded in agreement. The situation was a tough one. Taehyun just needed to find an angle, a technique, anything which could help him comfort Kai.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
The boys brainstormed for what seemed like hours. Each method either left Taehyun questioning his ethical responsibilities before even graduating or leaving Kai’s suspected problem to the point where extraction would be the only option to end his suffering.
Taehyun grew more restless. He was about to graduate and he couldn’t even help out his best friend with a toothache. He went through his options again…there must be something, somewhere, that could help Kai understand that dentistry was a pain-free practice, designed only to help get rid of pain rather than cause it.
Just then, the door key pinged with a keycard, altering them to an arrival of someone who owned a keycard to their dorm. Taehyun leapt to his feet, racing to the door and flinging it open for what he presumed, was Kai.
Well, he wasn’t wrong. He could see Kai behind Yeonjun as he led the pair inside. The others also joined him to greet the other two members.
“Taehyun-ah, I need a favour.” Yeonjun asked, however his voice carried a tinge of an emotion uncommon for the eldest, nervousness.
“Sure Yeonjun-hyung, what’s up?” Taehyun asked curiously.
He watched the eldest look towards Kai as he requested to him, “C-can you give me a check-up?”
Taehyun blinked. Wait…Yeonjun wanted a dental checkup? Wasn’t it Kai the one who needed it?
“I can hyung but if there’s anyone who needs one it’s Kai-“ Yeonjun interjected quickly, “Yes but I’d also like one and I will go first. You can have a look on the couch right?” The eldest said, moving to the living room.
“Well, yes I can. Alright, I’ll go wash my hands and you can get comfortable.” Taehyun said, leaving to go to the restroom to wash his hands.
“Yeonjun-hyung, what are you doing?” Beomgyu asked incredulously as both Kai and him made their way to the couch. “I’m having a check-up by Taehyun. Nothing to be scared of right? It’s only Taehyun-ah.” Yeonjun said, his back leaning against the plush fabric of the couch.
Soobin caught on the idea quicker than the other, “Yeah, it’s only Taehyun-ah, he’ll look after Yeonjun-hyung, no doubt.” Yeonjun nodded, grateful for the other for his proactive approach to what Yeonjun was doing, despite knowing how he truly felt about this situation.
Then, Taehyun returned. He quickly went over to the kitchen and tore a paper towel and brought it with him to the living room where the rest of the members were.
“Okay hyung, I’ll sit on the end of the armrest with a pillow on my lap and I’ll just get you to rest your head on the pillow and lie down for me. Taehyun explained whilst getting into position.
Yeonjun complied with the instructions. Soon, he felt Taehyun’s gaze on him from above. It was an unusual feeling for the eldest but he kept it to himself. For Kai’s sake.
Then he heard the swift tear of a package and felt a paper with dental tools being placed on his chest. He couldn’t see exactly which instruments were on him but he guessed that the tell-tale dental mirror and pick-tool (Yeonjun isn’t the dentist here…) were placed on the paper.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Soobin next to him at arms length and Beomgyu sat just behind him, Kai’s hands wrapped around the boy as he sat furthest from the area but not too far he couldn’t see what was going on.
“Alright Jun-hyung, how are you doing?” Taehyun asked with a reassuring smile.
“Okay, for now. Just tell me when you start using your metal things on me.” Yeonjun said with a slight laugh, Soobin squeezed his hand once. A reassurance.
“I can do that hyung.” Taehyun says as he picked up the mirror in his hand. “I’ll start with this for now and then I’ll let you when I’m done and going to use the explorer, okay?”
Yeonjun nodded, he could do this…for Kai! “Alright hyung, say ahh~” Taehyun teased to the eldest, eliciting a small smile out of Yeonjun to break the tension as he opened his mouth for the dental student to examine.
Taehyun slipped the mirror inside the inner muscle of his cheek, stretching the area slightly as he looked at Yeonjun’s molars carefully. His gaze floated to each molar as he felt the mirror moving further into his mouth as Taehyun checked his teeth.
“How am I doing, Jun hyung?” Taehyun asked, removing the mirror from his mouth. Yeonjun closed his mouth for a minute, letting the saliva coat his tounge once more before replying, “Well, I think you’re doing fine. Feels just like going to a regular dentist but I see your face instead of theirs.” Yeonjun says with a laugh.
Taehyun chuckled softly at the eldest’s comment. Then, he picked up the explorer in his other hand alongside the mirror. “I’ll use the explorer now. Just like I tell all my patients, if you feel pain then just raise your hand and I’ll stop.”
Yeonjun nodded quickly, his nerves returning as he saw the sharp metal glint in the light. Taehyun brought both instruments to his mouth, tapping on the eldest’s lips as a silent reminder to open his mouth.
Yeonjun took a breath before complying with the dental student’s request. Taehyun worked from the front. He softly pressed the explorer against each tooth going from the front to back. Yeonjun felt the mirror pull slightly against his cheek as the explorer made it to his molars. A tap here. A glide there. The process was normal but it still sends shivers down his body when he goes for his scheduled checks.
Soobin rubs his thumb over Yeonjun’s palm. A rhythmic motion that he did every time they both visited the dental office together and the eldest becomes a little more worked-up at the prospect of having metal touching his teeth.
However, Soobin was more than impressed. He couldn’t tell if Yeonjun was either a very impressive actor because of Kai watching them or if having Taehyun looking at his teeth made him feel more slightly at ease with the sensations. Either way, he was doing exceptionally well and he hoped Kai could see how pain-free the process really is.
At last, Taehyun removed the instruments from his mouth and removed the paper from off his chest, a sign that the check-up was over. He placed the soiled instruments onto the paper on the table as he squeezed the eldest’s shoulder’s to get him to stand up.
“Well, I have to say you’ve got really nice teeth Jun-hyung. They’re perfectly aligned and I didn’t see any concerning issues other that a little bit of inner tatar build-up which I removed with the hand scaler so that’s sorted out for you, though I do recommend coming in for a quick clean regardless.
Yeonjun met Taehyun’s eyes with a smile. “Thanks Taehyun-ah, you made it more bearable than usual. The dental student grinned, his own smile on display, “Glad to hear it Junnie-hyung.”
Taehyun picked up the soiled instruments and placed them back in the package they came from. “Well, I’ll just put these away and wash my hands.” Taehyun said, leaving the room.
Soobin took this moment to check on their youngest, “How are you doing Kai-yah? Feeling better after seeing Yeonjun-hyung?”
Kai shifted slightly, “I-it seemed alright, hyung didn’t look like he was in pain.” Kai said quietly.
“See Kai-yah, even though I’m not the biggest fan…it’s not because I’m in pain, I just don’t like the explorer scratching at my enamel. Yeonjun said.
Kai twiddled his thumbs, “Maybe I could just try it…at least I’ll know why my tooth hurts so much.”
Beomgyu wrapped his arms around the youngest, “There you go Kai-yah! Just give it a go for now and if you really can’t do it then Taehyun-ah will stop, I’m sure he will.”
Said person returned, bringing over a new pack of instruments with the same tools as he’d used on Yeonjun but in a new blue package alongside a new paper towel which he left on the table.
Taehyun gestured to Kai to sit on the empty space in front of him. Kai complied hesitantly as he sat in front of his roommate. A dental student, soon to graduate and become a dentist.
“So…how was it?” Did I do a good job with Yeonjun-hyung?” Taehyun asked to break the silence with the other.
“Y-yeah, you were so gentle and attentive to him during everything…it was nothing like the other place.” Kai shivered at the thought, “You even listened to him before checking him out which was kind of reassuring personally.
Taehyun smiled, “I’m glad you think so, it’ll be just the same if I were to check you or anyone else who’s one of my patients now or in the future. I’m a huge advocate for gentle dentistry over rushed care.”
Kai nodded, giving Taehyun the opportunity he’d been waiting for all this time. “Please don’t break my trust hyung…I won’t be able to take it again-“ Taehyun’s brows furrowed slightly in confusion till he felt the weight of Kai’s head against the pillow on his lap as two unsure and scared eyes look up at him.
Taehyun let out a breath he’d been holding. He mustered up the most reassuring smile he can whilst placing the white paper against Kai’s broad chest. He then ripped open the blue package once more, placing the dental mirror and explorer against the paper material of the makeshift bib.
Kai looked up to the elder as he picked up the dental mirror. “How are you doing?” Taehyun asked the youngest boy. “F-fine, I think.” Kai stammered, his eyes glued to the ceiling to avoid looking at Taehyun’s hands which held the mirror.
Taehyun caught onto this, offering Kai some reassurance. “Hey, I’ll go slow okay?” Kai nodded slightly. The dental student picked up the mirror from the paper. “Alright just like with Yeonjun-hyung, I’ll start with the mirror first and then I’ll use the explorer.” Kai nodded, his eyes warily looking at Taehyun’s, which offered nothing but care and reassurance.
“Alright, open up for me Kai-yah.” Taehyun gently commanded. The boy took a few deep breaths and slowly parted his lips for the dental student. However, it wasn’t quite as wide as Taehyun needed.
“Can you open a little wider for me Kai-yah?” Taehyun asked. The boy’s eyes widened slightly at the request. “I-I don’t know hyung, I’m…“ Then, Kai felt a tickling sensation under his chin, causing him to laugh. Beomgyu kept tickling under Kai’s chin which was a known spot to the pair that he was ticklish. Taehyun thanked the elder boy as he slipped the mirror in between Kai’s laughs, unbeknownst to him in the moment.
He repeated the same process, going from the side with no pain at first and then coming over to the other side. Kai could feel the mirror move around in his mouth but Taehyun’s eyes and soft smile kept him grounded enough not to fling his hand away from his face. After all, he trusted Taehyun and the mirror wasn’t the scary part of the check-up process.
Taehyun’s mirror suddenly stopped at a part of his mouth, causing the youngest to look up to the dental student’s eyes in worry. “It’s okay, I just want to have a closer look at this section…” Taehyun reassured. Kai motioned to the elder that he wanted to speak and the mirror was soon removed from his mouth. “That’s kind of the same place that…you know, everything happened.” Taehyun’s eyes widened slightly as he pieced together the symptoms and Kai’s remark. He found out what’s wrong.
He had a closer look at the tooth again after Kai had opened his mouth once more and confirmed his suspicions. However, he also needed to assess the situation using the explorer…and paired with Kai’s looming anxiety, that wasn’t going to be easy.
Taehyun removed the mirror again, “Okay I’m done with just the mirror…how about we take a break?” Kai nodded gratefully, sitting up from his position and all the boys came over to offer a big group hug to their brave youngest friend.
Yeonjun was the most proud.“You did so well Kai-yah, I’m so proud of you!” Kai laughed, relief in his tone. “Thank you Junnie-hyung and also Beomgyu and Soobin-hyung, it means a lot that you’re here.” The other boys smiled, ruffling the younger boy’s hair as they cuddled.
Kai turned to face Taehyun, who looked between a mixture of guilt and apprehension but cleverly controlled his expression for now. “But most of all, thank you Taehyun-ah, you dealt with me all this time and you still wanted to help me despite everything…” Taehyun allowed a smile to grace his features, “I’ll always do that Kai-yah, I only want what’s best for you.”
Kai’s smile faltered slightly. “Wait, what are you thinking of doing…” Taehyun tried his best to reassure the youngest. “I have a feeling I know what the problem is but I need to probe it with the explorer to confirm what I’m thinking.” Taehyun’s hands find Kai’s in the moment, “and for this because it’s already painful for you, I can’t guarantee it won’t hurt.”
Kai’s anxiety returned, “B-but do we really need to do that…can’t we just leave it and say it’s what you think based on what you saw?” Taehyun shook his head sadly, “I can’t do that Kai-yah, as much as I’d want to that would be wrong of me to do.”
Taehyun continued, “I just need to give it a small tap and then it’ll be over, it’s kind of like getting a shot at the doctors-“ Kai retorts, “Yeah but this time it’s a sharp metal thing touching a tooth that’s already causing me so much pain.” Taehyun sighs, “Well, I can’t diagnose you without checking it Kai-yah and I need to do that to know what treatment is best for you.”
Kai’s skin crawled at the mention of more dental work, “I-I know hyung, I just-“ Taehyun gently takes over, “I know honey, you’re scared, it’s okay I get it.” Taehyun’s thumb wipes the stray tears escaping Kai’s eyes, “It’s okay to be scared Kai-yah. Everyone is afraid of something…but we need to learn to face our fears and let go of the past if we want to become better, no?”
Kai nods sadly, accepting what he needed to do, “Okay hyung, you can use it.” Taehyun gently smiled, patting Kai’s shoulders and then gently guiding him back down to lie his head against the pillow in lieu of the second part of the examination.
He picks up the explorer and Kai’s breathing increases tenth-fold. His eyes shut against the current of fear that washed over him. However a lifeline echoes from above him, “Hey, Hey ssh- honey, deep breath for me.” Kai followed the voice, gently bringing Kai back to the present, the others watching quietly as Taehyun was in his element.
Taehyun explained gently, “Hey, I’ll start with the non-painful side with both instruments and I’ll give you a nudge when I’m ready to tap the painful part okay?” Kai nodded, grateful for the few sweet moments of relief before the fated tap on his tooth.
Taehyun used the same silent technique on Kai to ask him to open his mouth, tapping his lips gently as he parted them to give Taehyun access to his mouth. He started the same. Working from front to back as he tapped each tooth methodically on the left side of his face.
Then came the right. The same process was used as he gently glided the explorer against the inner parts of his enamel and stretched his cheeks to take a look at the molars that were not commonly seen.
Kai knew it was coming when he felt the explorer just miss a tooth in the back top row of his mouth and the dental student had finished examining the bottom right side. He felt Taehyun’s gaze flicker back to him which signalled the fact it was time.
Then he spoke, “How about we try something? You interested?” Kai looked apprehensive but nodded regardless. “How about I tap random teeth in you mouth instead and then tapping the tooth I need to in the process instead of just tapping in one go and making you feel more anxious?” Kai’s brows lifted in surprise, “Wow, that might actually work…you’re a genius hyung!”
Taehyun chuckled, “Just trying to help you as best as I can, alright now open for me.” Kai complied, feeling the mirror and explorer enter his mouth once more.
He felt the first tap on the left side. It felt odd as usual but there was no pain. The second tap felt just the same. Strange, however no pain. Taehyun then moved to the right side and tried a tooth near the back. Now, this one wasn’t the most pain free but as soon as Kai winced, an overbearing concern from the members overshadowed the slight pain in the moment.
A few more teeth were chosen. Some varying in degrees of pain and some mild with little to no discomfort. Then, Taehyun touched the problem tooth. Now this tooth definitely caused the youngest a large degree of pain. The jolt rippled through his jaw as his face contorted into a mix of pain and mild confusion at the sudden onset of throbbing that followed.
Taehyun quickly removed his instruments after the tap and allowed Kai to sit up and get tackled by another round of group hugs and praises. Maybe the feeling wasn’t the worst thing in the world.
“Well, you did it Kai-yah! A dental exam! I’m so proud of you.” Taehyun exclaimed happily, giving Kai a strong hug which left him feeling warm inside. The other boys expressed their own gratitude and kindness towards Kai for completing the task at hand.
The boys stayed for a bit after before they had to leave for their dorms to prepare for the next day. The apartment soon became comfortably quiet again and Hoobak emerged from her sanctuary to Kai’s lap as he sat across from Taehyun, who seemed to be in deep thought.
“Just spill it hyung, I think I can take it after today.” Kai said with an exhausted smile, letting Hoobak find refuge on his lap as she purred quietly.
Taehyun sighed deeply, “Alright, I know what’s causing the pain.” Kai nodded, prompting the elder to continue, “Based on what you told me about your last dental visits…” Kai shuddered at the mention, “alongside the condition of the affected tooth, I think what’s happened is the filling you got at that practice has now failed and turned into decay again, causing you more pain.”
Kai laughed in mock humour, “Wow, they’re still torturing me even after all these years.” Taehyun nodded quietly, “To fix it, I can give you a new filling and remove the old one along with the decay and it’ll be good as new.”
Kai’s heart skipped a beat. “That means going to the dental clinic doesn’t it…” Taehyun nodded once more. “It does but I can still be the one who does the procedure.” Kai’s anxiety lowered slightly as Taehyun mentioned this but he still felt scared to visit a room which used to promise him nothing but discomfort and agony.
He tried his best not to show it to Taehyun but the other was extremely attentive. He didn’t comment on it but he spoke in a gentler tone when talking about setting a date for the appointment and who’d he like to go with as a form of moral support.
These gestures were subtle but they carried degrees of care for Kai and for the first time, he wasn’t sweating bullets at the fact he would be in a dental office sometime next week.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Oh Kai was so wrong.
He was tempted to just stay back and use the classic excuse of needing to complete an assignment or that he didn’t see Yeonjun-hyung’s texts. The latter being even more likely to fail as the eldest came straight to his dorm room to pick him up and take him to the dental clinic complex Taehyun studied within.
The room brought back memories he desperately tried to push down as he used the scent patch Taehyun asked him to apply on his wrist to make the clinical scent dissipate from his nose. He had already plugged in a playlist with heavy rock as Taehyun has warned him prior to the visit that whizzing and screeching children would be a consideration for the youngest to assess.
Taehyun had really thought through everything for Kai. From pulling strings to get them both a clinic room after their classes and asking Kai to list every possible fear or unknown he had about the visit so they could come up with ways to mitigate that fear before he came. These were just some of the many things the elder did to make Kai feel safe and comfortable in lieu of the fated appointment.
“Doing okay, Kai-yah?” The youngest nodded. Yeonjun smiled as he distracted Kai with his blatant comments about the dull appearance of the waiting room, his remarks consisting of cheap comments regarding the dental posters with children smiling on the wall to the ill-kept pot plant which looked like it’s seen better days on the reception desk after he’d checked them in. The eldest had a true passion for decoration.
Kai also distracted himself with the questionaire section of the clipboard handed to him. He loved nothing more than fitting serials in their place so he took pride in the responsibility of filling out forms for himself and Yeonjun-hyung, who had booked a complimentary clean appointment so he could also go back with Kai and Taehyun.
Speaking of the elder, he saw the resemblance of him walking from behind the corridor of the reception. Dressed in navy blue scrubs with a pen and jingling ID clip swaying with each stride as he approached the duo.
“Appointment for Kai Kamal Huening and Choi Yeonjun.” Taehyun professionally announced, offering a sneaky wink to the duo as he saw them.
Yeonjun led them forward to approach Taehyun. “Hi there, I’m a 4th year dental student who’s been assigned to your care, please follow me so we can get started.” Taehyun greeted as the duo came forward.
Kai couldn’t help the smirk on his face as Taehyun maintained a steady professional smile as he led them back to the clinic room. However, when they walked though the corridor with no one but the trio, Kai felt the small squeeze on his hand by the dental student, his tight lipped smile replaced by one that Kai was all too familiar with.
And that helped him in more ways than one.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
“Kai-yah! Slow down you’ll get a stomach ache this way.” Yeonjun chided playfully.
Kai looked at the eldest sheepishly while grabbing a couple more fries, “Hyungggg~” Kai whined, “Don’t slow my roll now that I can eat!” The youngest retorted.
Soobin and Beomgyu watched on as the two bickered over the trivial argument. However they embraced the chaos over the quiet subdued appetite Kai had once had before Taehyun fixed his toothache.
He also watched the pair bicker, throwing in his own smart-aimed comments to the eldest while Yeonjun attempted to defend himself against the maknae duo.
But all of them would agree, they wouldn’t change this moment for the world.
Kai has always been and always will be fearful of the dentist but with Taehyun by his side, he won’t let that stop him without a fight.