Chapter Text
You nestled up next to him, eyes closed as you breathed in the fresh air and exhaled softly. "Why did you bring me out here Ben?" you said gently. You were sitting within a forest of beautiful green trees and the warm rays of the sun shone through the small spaces between the trees, you loved Takodana. He knew you did.
He seemed so eager, so excited to sit here next to you and tell you about his day, about what he wanted in life, his training, everything. And you didn't mind listening. You wanted to know everything. You thought you already did, but in the end you were wrong.
You stay together in silence for a few minutes simply enjoying eachother's presence, you didn't have to talk, you were already happy just being here with your best friend.
He closed his eyes and exhaled loudly, his body tensed. You opened your eyes, and for some reason you felt worry and fear pick at your heart. "Supreme leader came to me again,," he murmured shyly, interrupting the silence "he wants me y/n, and I want what he promises me."
You feel your heart sink at his words but you weren't going to let him know what you're feeling, the feeling of utter abandonment. You peel away from him and look at your hands. "Why are you so obsessed with being remembered Ben? Why do you want to be like him?" You had so much more to ask, like is my remembering you not enough? Am I just you're best friend? Do you love me? Why can't you stay with me?
He chuckles softly and lookes at you. "You already know."
You sigh and nod before looking back at him. You're throat felt dry as if you just swallowed spoonfuls of sand. "I suppose you're going to tell me you've decided to join him." He nodded, "Promise me something," you say softly, "don't forget me. I can't stand being nothing to you after everything. I don't- I don't want to be alone again-" Your voiced hitches but you still manage to hold back tears.
"Oh y/n," he says slightly over a whisper, "how can I ever forget you?"
You lied to me Ben....
You gasped for air and managed to lift yourself off your mattress and sit up right. You were panting and your mouth tasted of blood, you were biting your cheek in your sleep again. You exhaled in relief as your body finally remembered how to breathe. Your bunk was pitch black but being here for 3 years makes your eyes used to the lack of light.You scanned the room looking for your pack of cigarettes, soon to find them on the corner of your sink.
You lifted yourself off the bed and as you made your way towards the cigarettes, the motion censored lights flipped on and you cringed at the sudden bright light. You snatched the cigarettes from the sink and pulled one out and threw the pack on your bed. Maybe just one tonight, but a dream like that usually takes 3. You opened your door as quietly as you could and took as seat on the floor. It seems like the patrols were in another sector. There's not chance of you getting shit. But you would've smoked anyway, everyone else does. You pulled a lighter from your pocket and lit the cigarette before bringing it up to your lips and taking short puffs.
You weren't in your uniform, just a black shirt and leggings. You closed your eyes and smiled between puffs, damn it felt good to damage your body.
Clink clink clink. You heard footsteps slowly making their way down the hall but you didn't care. It was most likely the patrol returning to their bunks and they would likely join you. You took longer puffs now, and sometimes you would cough between each puff.
"Kx3340?" It's him, it's the actual Kylo ren. The first thing that goes through your head is the fact that first-You've been caught smoking at designated resting hours. Second-It's not just anyone who caught you it's actually Kylo Ren rather than your "pals." And third yet the greatest of them all- You actually still give a fuck about Kylo Ren and it's pitiful how you're acting right now.
You exhale softly before putting out the cigarette in your hand, leaving a burning red spot.
"Ben solo." You reply flatly.
He scowls at the use of his birth name, "I see we're playing this game. I suppose you would like me to call you y/n."
"What can I do for you Kylo Ren?" You smirk and look up at him.