Archive of Our Own

It’s after lunch, right before his solo training session when Jude gets called up to the office for the meeting he’d been dreading. Something about the empty hallways while the rest of his teammates are still inside the cafeteria makes him feel a little like a kid getting called into the principal’s office, but at least his shoes don’t squeak against the floor anymore, making him feel like he’s announcing his every move; like someone that doesn’t belong. 

He’s still in his training kit when he walks up to the elevator, except he’s taken to wearing long sleeves now even though the weather here is a welcome change from the one back in England. Or, maybe it’s the team and trophies staring at him everytime he walks in, a sense of accomplishment bordering on arrogance instead of the doom and gloom back home. Either way, he’s relaxed enough—or atleast pretending to be—as he goes up that he doesn’t even decline his brother’s call. 

Outside the coach’s office, there’s a boy standing next to him that’s a head shorter with brown hair and the biggest doe eyes Jude has ever seen, who he only notices when he realises he hasn’t answered his brother’s question. He clears his throat, trying to act like the unknown boy’s presence doesn’t bother him before leaning against the wall so he can answer. If his presence bothers the other boy then he doesn’t give away the slightest hint of it. 

“Hmm, yeah I don’t know, I’m kind of nervous. I looked at the guy’s profile and I think they assigned me some twink.” Jude fiddles with his nails while answering Jobe’s question, about the very reason he’s here : to meet his new bodyguard assigned by the club. Maybe, he was being too judgemental and rash—when was he not— but sue him, the damn guy was a year younger than him. 

How was he supposed to protect Jude if he was a baby himself?. It didn’t make any sense. 

The guy next to him doesn’t budge at all, and Jude wonders for a moment whether it is possible for someone to show no emotion at all the way he is while Jobe is lecturing him—soothing his worries, really—about how it’s better than anything and that the club is surely qualified enough to handle this. Jude wishes he could have the same level of optimism but he agrees regardless, just so he can end the conversation. They say goodbye and exchange kisses, much to Jobe’s annoyance, when Jude finally notices the guy. 

He notices the guy and tries not to let self disgust wash over as he notes how gorgeous he is. What normal non perverted guy looks at someone and thinks of that?. But, it’s an objective truth. He has long eyelashes, if Jude really pays attention and despite the loose clothes, he’s been around enough men to know when they’re muscular, it’s his arms that give it away anyway. The boy finally turns to him when Jude speaks up. 

“I’m sorry but do you work here? I’ve never seen you before and I know most of the staff, so I’m pretty sure I’d notice someone new,” he says in heavily accented Spanish, because he doesn’t know what languages the other boy can speak. What he really means to say is, I’m pretty sure I’d notice someone as pretty as you. Atleast his Spanish is a lot more coherent now thanks to the lessons every two days.

The other boy doesn’t say anything, cocking his eyebrows instead in a way that makes it obvious that he’s not being rude, he just doesn’t understand Jude. The embarrassment is enough to make him want to fall face first into the floor. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t really speak Spanish,” he says in perfect English and there’s a hint of amusement in his tone that Jude would have noticed if he wasn’t busy being embarrassed. He’s about to say that he speaks English too, quite literally is English by nationality when the coach calls him in, leaving the pretty boy behind staring at him with an amused smile on his face. 

Halfway through the meeting, Jude felt like his head was about to split open as the security detail and the coach explained everything to him when that same pretty boy from before walked in. It’s the only thing that makes Jude look up instead of peering down at his fingernails and trying not to think about picking at them. 

Oddly enough, the head of security—a man named Antoine—or whatever fancy job the guy has that Jude is too dumb to understand, shakes his hand before they’re all staring at Jude, waiting for him to say something. 

“Jude, this is the personal bodyguard we’ve assigned for you,” he says and Jude feels like his head is about to explode. 

Oh, hell no. Suddenly the height difference between him and the guy makes a lot more sense. 

Jude is staring the guy up and down, probably to the point it can be considered rude when he steps up and reaches out to shake his hand. When Jude offers his back, because he isn’t a fucking prick, he swears that the guy shakes it much more tightly than needed on purpose. But, it’s not like he can prove it or even complain because soon enough the guy is introducing himself. 

“I’m Pablo Paez Gavira, but you can just call me Gavi, Mr Bellingham.” he replies, in perfect Spanish, even an accompanying native accent to boost. Somehow this feels a lot more embarrassing than before, he’d called the guy a damn twink right in front of him. 

“Is this a joke?.” he says before his brain can catch up. But, really is it a fucking joke?. The only reason he’d accepted to having a personal bodyguard accompany him was because of the sense of security that came with it. This guy didn’t even look like he could protect himself, so how was he supposed to protect Jude?. 

The casual clothes that he was wearing, probably to help him not stand out, weren’t helping either. Jude was used to imagining bodyguards decked in suits and sunglasses, probably to the fault of his own vivid imagination and from watching too many old Western movies. But either way, this didn’t look like what he’d signed up for. It seemed stupid to give away most of his privacy for something that wouldn’t even guarantee his safety. 

“Excuse me?.” Antoine says and Jude has never been more aware of how he probably sounds like a petulant child right now. It’s probably the least he’s entitled to after everything in the past couple of weeks. 

“He’s a head shorter than me, how the hell is he supposed to protect me?.” he says, rolling his eyes for added effect. From the back, the coach stirs. The fact that he’s even here should probably be considered a favour to Jude, only because what he’d managed to get himself into was serious enough to tackle head on. 

“I’ve been working in security for over 20 years now, and height has never been a problem. I can assure you, Mr Paez is more than capable enough of giving you the service you need.” Antoine brisks, and the way he makes it sound so much like a business transaction makes Jude’s skin crawl. The boy, Gavi, is standing next to Antoine and looking at Jude, letting the older man do all the talking. 

Jude wants to whine, is about to even , when the coach pipes up from behind, “It’s not like you have another option, you know,” Ancelotti says and it’s enough to knock the breath out of Jude’s lungs for a minute before he shuts up for good. 

After that, Antoine and Gavi start explaining the whole thing to him, how he’ll be his personal bodyguard and driver at the same time. Driver, because Jude doesn’t know how to fucking drive himself and because it’s better to keep a low profile instead of alerting everybody that he has a bodyguard. Not that it’d be out of the norm for a famous footballer to have one, but considering the reason why he’s even being hired, Jude gets it. The whole thing sounds like a headache and Jude is sure the only thing he actually retains is thinking about the aspirin he’s gonna take when he gets home. 

Finally, after what feels like too long, Antoine is done talking, arranging the papers on the table before he excuses himself to leave. Ancelotti goes with him and before he knows it, it’s just him and Gavi in the room. 

The sense of uncomfortableness that Jude feels is immediate, wracking up his brain on what he can possibly say or do that will make Gavi pleased with whatever he says, the only thing evading his brain being an urgent sense on how to get the guy in front of him to think he’s likeable. He snaps out of it pretty quick when he realises how insane it is to think of ways to please the literal guy he’s hiring, just for the sake of it. 

“So, you can speak Spanish after all.” he states, coming off as way more harsh and bratty than intended. If he’d been thinking of ways to charm the guy, his attitude right now probably wasn’t helping. 

“Yes, born and raised in Andalusia. If anything, you’re the rusty one here between the two of us.” Gavi responds, eyeing Jude up and down with a pointed look in his eyes. Well, atleast it was obvious that he took things personally then. 

“Right, we’ll see about that.” Jude sasses, just for the sake of riling Gavi up. Something about how he’s standing there, perfect posture and all makes Jude want to see him lose his shit. 

“I can protect you, you know.” he states while crossing his arms, and Jude can really see now how well built—for lack of a better word— he is, because of the visible veins. 

“Prove it then,” Jude says before he can really think about it, too busy staring at the veins in Gavi’s arms to form a coherent thought. 

“I don’t have anything to prove to you, your bosses seem to think I’m qualified enough.” Gavi responds, not even a hint of annoyance on his face, as if nothing Jude says can get to him. It only makes Jude want to try more. 

“Ah, so you’re too pussy to prove it then,” Jude pushes and he’s standing up now, purposefully taking a step towards Gavi with each word he says, just to see how far he can go before Gavi steps back. For now, he doesn’t even flinch, but what he does do is take a moment to think before answering Jude back. 

“You have quite the charming personality, you know. Since you’re older than me, isn’t it too late to keep acting like a child?.” he raises an eyebrow and a part of Jude feels like he’s being scolded. He takes another step towards Gavi until he can’t move his feet in front anymore. 

“Whatever, you’re being a pussy. I’m gonna try to punch you and if I can then it means you’re not qualified,” he says and this time when he moves close to Gavi, he aims for his chest, trying to catch him off guard. 

The intended effect is nullified immediately when Gavi not only dodges it but also grabs Jude’s arm and twists it so that he’s facing opposite of him. They’re so close that Jude can feel Gavi’s breath on him as he tightens his grip on him and he wonders for a second if he’s the only one feeling this hot when Gavi’s harsh grip makes him wince. 

As soon as the sound leaves his mouth, Gavi loosens his grip but he lowers Jude down so that they’re level before speaking close to his ear, “I can’t believe you were stupid enough to think that would actually work. Is that enough proof then?.” 

Jude wants to say no, because of the sheer embarrassment of letting someone shorter and smaller than him lock him in like this but he slowly nods, just so Gavi will let him go and when he does, he’s back to smiling at him as if nothing happened. 

“Now that that’s over, I’m looking forward to working with you. I’ll be waiting in the car after you’re done.” Jude feels his head spin a little before Gavi decides he doesn’t want a response, opting to leave instead to do god knows what. 

There’s certain things, Jude will proudly admit he’s cocky about. One of them is the fact that most of the time, he’s the strongest person in the room. He doesn’t know whether he likes the idea of someone else, especially someone like Gavi being able to neutralise him in seconds like that or not. It’s not like you have another option, you know. 

“He’s just as insufferable off the pitch, Aurora—-I’m already annoyed.” Gavi groans into his hand, aware that he’s whining in a way that would ruin his credibility if he got caught by anyone. But, it’s only his sister, and it was the least he deserved after the day he’d had. 

His sister had the audacity to laugh from the other side, “Too bad you’re stuck with him then, be professional Gavito.” 

“I’m always professional,” he emphasised, still annoyed by the interaction before. Maybe he needed to grow thicker skin, or maybe, just maybe Jude should have had a less annoying personality. 

When he’d first got the call for this job, he’d been told it was a high profile case and that had been proved right when he’d heard the name. It wasn’t like being the king’s bodyguard or even anyone of utmost  importance, but Jude was important enough. Or, whatever had happened in order for him to need security had been bad enough that Antoine had sounded desperate over the phone. He’d taken the job without hesitation. What was the worst that a young footballer could do?. 

Apparently make him wait for almost an hour in the car, even if he’d texted him ages ago that he’d be there. Gavi wasn’t familiar with Jude’s personality and his habits yet, but surely someone with such little regard for other people’s time couldn’t be all that organised in how they led their life. 

When Jude finally did show up, he was wearing jeans and a low neck black flowy shirt, a big change from his training kit. Instead of sitting in the passenger seat like a normal person, he sat in the back, as if Gavi was his damn chauffeur. The first thing he did, after getting in the car, was giving Gavi directions on which roads to take that would have the least chance of them getting followed and filmed. He didn’t even apologise for the tardiness, as if it wasn’t even something that had crossed his mind. The next thing he did was plugging his phone to the speaker and blasting his music loudly. 

The song was nice enough that it wasn’t completely infuriating, what was infuriating was how Jude was sitting there wearing sunglasses with his head against the window as if he wasn’t blasting music loud enough for Gavi to get distracted. Who the hell even wore sunglasses in the night?. That too, inside the car. 

“Can you turn that down, please?.” Gavi made sure to make his voice sound as calm as possible, not wanting Jude to catch on that he was getting annoyed. 

“What?.” Jude said, only looking at him dumbly in response, not even bothering to take off his sunglasses as he spoke. They were far away from the training centre now, for fuck’s sake. Surely, they wouldn’t get followed this far. 

“I know you’re not used to driving, since you don’t know how to. But, usually people tend to get distracted when you play loud music like this.” Gavi knew very well that he could just do it himself, but something told him Jude would just turn it right back up. 

“Well, I thought since you were a qualified professional you could handle this much without getting sidetracked. Guess I was wrong.” he said as he pulled down his  sunglasses slightly. Asshole. 

The only thing Gavi did in return was grit his teeth, trying to focus instead on the map showing Jude’s address. Luckily, Jude didn’t live that far away from Valdebebas. It was probably on purpose too to make travelling back and forth easier. If Gavi had to say one nice thing about Jude, he’d admit that his house was gorgeous. Or maybe, he just had enough money to afford a place this lavish. 

Once they were outside his house, Jude finally turned the music down before peering outside the window, as if he’d been looking for someone in specific. Gavi couldn’t tell why or what he was doing because soon enough he was back to fixing his hair in the car mirror. 

“So, you come whenever I ask you to?.” Jude asked. 

“Yes, I’m available whenever you need to.” Gavi replied, already bracing himself for whatever stupid request Jude was about to make, if the shit eating grin on his face meant anything. 

“Fun, see you at 5 am then.” he smiled in Gavi’s direction and it made him wish he’d punched him inside after all. 

“What could you possibly have to do at 5 am? Training doesn’t start until 9.” Gavi tried to reason, even if he was used to getting up early anyway. It was still annoying . The reason he got up early was to get his day started, not spend it with Jude Bellingham. 

“Guess you’re about to find out.” The stupid grin didn't leave Jude’s face as he spoke before he got out of the car and headed back in. Why he was wearing such a fancy outfit only to go and sit at home, Gavi didn’t understand. Surely, if Jude was heading out somewhere, Gavi would have to accompany him. He rubbed at his forehead, trying to make the incoming headache go away before realising that it was probably about to become a daily occurrence for him now. Great. 

It takes a day—or rather, half a day—into the job for Gavi to realise that Jude is fucking with him on purpose, for some reason. What makes it obvious is making him wait another half an hour after 5 am even if Gavi can clearly see that he’s awake, if the stream of texts are anything to go by. 

Once Jude finally comes out, moaning about how he couldn’t find an outfit and it was too dark outside to come out anyway so he waited till the sun rose, he immediately grabs Gavi to go on a run. At fucking 6 am in the morning. It’s not bad in of itself because Gavi is sure that he’s way more in shape than Jude, professional athlete status be damned. It’s bad because he insists on saying hello to everyone he sees and stopping every two seconds. 

So much for someone who needed security personnel to accompany them everywhere. But, it’s a gated community and the people in there seem important and old enough to not care. Even with Gavi running behind Jude while carrying a loudspeaker, for what he doesn’t know because Jude has his airpods in anyways. It’s not the worst thing in the world but it’s enough to make him clench his teeth. 

Immediately afterwards, Jude insists on getting coffee but making Gavi order, some elaborate drink with so many syrups and blends added that it makes Gavi’s head hurt. 

“What’s the point of running for an hour if you’re just gonna drink a large caramel mocha frappucino or whatever the fuck afterwards anyway?.” he tries to reason, mostly because he doesn’t want to list off the frankly ridiculous order to the poor barista. 

“Last time I checked, you’re my bodyguard not my nutritionist so just go. Make sure to ask for extra whipped cream too and a dome lid.” Jude rattles off with his feet sprawled out from the backseat of the car and his back turned to the window, making himself fully comfortable. 

Gavi just sighs, because it’s the only thing he can do before  pursing his lips and walking inside the cafe, ordering a black coffee for himself and the monstrous drink Jude had come up with. The only thing that makes him feel like he can get through the day is the taste of the bitter liquid going down his throat as Jude starts sipping on his drink innocently, with his eyes all wide as he concentrates. He braces himself for some other ridiculous demand when Jude tells him to drive to Valdebebas instead, going on a tangent about how he was going to change and have breakfast there before the morning training session even if Gavi didn’t ask. 

Out of sheer habit, Gavi can’t stop himself from continuously looking over at Jude from the rearview mirror. He’s sitting there with his feet tucked in and sipping on his drink still, while continuously looking out the window; body language on alert even when he’s listening to music. That was another thing Gavi had noticed, Jude was very specific about the roads he was supposed to be taking while driving. Maybe it was about wanting to avoid crowds of people. 

Or, at least Gavi had thought until he made him stop the car outside the training centre and sign shirts and autographs and take selfies for at least half an hour. Not that they had much of a choice with how many people were crowding the car. If it was up to Gavi though, he’d have sped without thinking twice. 

Once they’re inside, the atmosphere is a lot calmer yet somehow so much more fast paced at the same time. It feels like in the blink of an eye he’s there, before Jude is somehow already done with the morning training session and heading off to the locker room to cool down. He doesn’t follow Jude in there, for obvious reasons, staying with the club security personnel instead. Even if they wanted to keep this whole thing on the law, Gavi is sure everyone else inside the club knows. Not that it’s eye-raise worthy in any way because they don’t know why he’d been hired. 

In all fairness, Gavi didn’t exactly know either. The only thing he’d been told was that somebody was allegedly blackmailing Jude, leading to him needing extra security. What this blackmailing was even over, Gavi didn’t know but it had been made clear to him that his job didn’t include finding that out, the only thing it included was making sure nobody touched a hair on Jude’s head. So far, he’d say it was going pretty well. 

As soon as he’s done having lunch, Jude calls Gavi up, seemingly done with his schedule for today. Or, at least from what Gavi had seen in the little file he’d been given that detailed everything that Jude did on a day to day basis. 

Until he says he needs to go and be driven to his barber’s to get a haircut. 

It’s not the worst thing that he could be doing except the entire way there, Jude looks on edge, as if he can’t get his muscles to relax no matter how hard he tries. Gavi chalks it up to the adrenaline from training still rushing through his veins before he continues driving there, willingly waiting the whole time while Jude gets his haircut. It’s elaborate and takes too long and Jude is in there chatting with everyone, as if he grew up with them or something but they’re nice enough to offer Gavi lemonade and talk to him as if he’s one of Jude’s friends, because that’s who they think he is. 

So, he sits there and engages himself in conversation with them too until Jude is finally done. Once he is done, he turns to Gavi again once they’re finally in the car. 

“Can you do my groceries for me??.” he asks without even looking up from his phone while biting his fingernails. 

“I thought you had a chef at home who takes care of all that?.” Gavi questions, because he really doesn’t know what the hell he’s supposed to shop for a man child millionaire with too much time to spare. 

“Hmm, yeah. I did but I fired him. I’d appreciate it if you could do them for me,” he says in response, having the audacity to bat his eyelash. Gavi wants to argue that this is definitely not included in his job description. But, Antoine had warned him before taking this job that at times he’d need to do a lot more than necessary. This was probably included in that. 

“What am I supposed to buy?.” Gavi asks, because really he doesn’t know. In response, Jude starts listing off random things until he realises it’s probably better to just make a list and he gets to that while Gavi is driving all the way to the grocery store. 

And Jude has way too much energy for someone who’s been up since five am as he skips out the car. 

“Isn’t it better if you stay inside? We’ll attract less attention that way.” Gavi states and Jude looks at him with his head tilted to the side as if he’s just said some ridiculous statement. 

“But, what am I supposed to do in the car all alone?.” he says, batting his eyelashes before he’s back to looking around and gauging his surroundings, not bothered about what Gavi thinks. 

Gavi swears he’s in over his head, or maybe he’s assuming the worst from Jude because once they’re inside he insists on touching every rack and analysing the items, even if they’re not even groceries. It’s almost like watching a child inside a candy store, like he’s trying his hardest to make sure he doesn’t have to go home already. 

It takes almost an hour, way longer than necessary before they’re finally done and Jude has brought things from every aisle and groceries that are sure to last him one or two months at least. Unexpectedly, Gavi is also the one that has to unload all of them while Jude is too busy digging through a packet of salted popcorn and shoving them inside his mouth. He half expects Jude to ask him to cook dinner for him too before he states that Gavi can leave now, finally done with the day. 

The cycle of Jude making Gavi do the most random stuff that he could very well do himself continues almost every day, especially on the weekends when his schedule isn’t as jam packed. Gavi wonders what the incentive is, whether Jude just has the personality of a brat or he wants to see him lose his shit. Either way, the only thing he’s hellbent on is that he isn’t willing to lose his cool and let the other guy get under his skin. 

It’s against Celta Vigo when Gavi first watches Jude play, really play and not just on a television screen in his living room or on his phone. In all fairness, it’s his job to track his every move while he’s on the pitch, or atleast he feels like it is. 

It’s Madrid’s first game after the international break, until the next one rolls around atleast. Gavi has already been given instructions on what he has to do once he accompanies Jude to the next one, how he’ll have to stay with him in St. George’s Park the whole time. 

He’d quickly realised that for how clumsy Jude was in his daily life, it didn’t extend to how he behaved when he had a match. Instead of his usual 5 am timing, Gavi had been instructed to arrive much later at 8 am so that they could go to the sports centre first for whatever pre match activities Jude had to do. What he hadn’t accounted for was how controlling Jude would get, for lack of better words; trying to make sure everything was perfect and set in place before he had to play. 

The thing about when they were in the sports centre was that Gavi didn’t have to keep too much of a watch on Jude, unlike in public. He’d only gone and accompanied him to stay behind once Jude decided he wanted to step on the pitch. Gavi watched him from afar as he touched the grass once and walked across to the other side before touching that end and returning back, all with airpods in his ear. It was odd, but he wasn’t going to pretend to understand footballers and their weird rituals, no matter how many times it worked in stadiums. 

Jude looked lost in thought, which seemed like pretty normal behaviour for him considering it was matchday, only stirring when the rest of his teammates started filing in. Even if Gavi hadn’t been there for long enough, he’d picked up on certain things. Jude seemed to have a great rapport with almost everyone, floating in and out of groups and talking to everyone and anyone instead of settling with just one. The older players seemed to like him too, well older in comparison because he was just 21. And the younger players too, who oddly enough babied him a little, apart from Endrick who was the youngest, and yet somehow married. 

Either way, they were all very touchy in the way that sportsmen tended to do. Gavi himself had grown up around enough athletes to not find physical touch anything out of the ordinary. Except, Jude seemed to thrive on it. The first thing he’d do after scoring a goal was holding his hands out for whoever was near, in training atleast. 

It was one thing to watch Jude train, and another thing entirely to watch him play. If Gavi hadn’t been on edge before, he definitely was seeing the way Jude seemed to bump into players and fall to the ground only to get up like it was nothing. Just because he got up didn’t mean it helped Gavi feel any less tense. He also ran a lot , probably even more than he did during his morning runs and training combined. And he got really frustrated everytime he lost the ball. Good thing he seemed to get it back most times or Gavi was sure some random defender would be shoved to the ground. 

They end up winning, because the opposing team doesn’t capitalise on the chances they get whereas the few shots Madrid manage to string together end up on target. Jude manages to bag an assist too before he’s off greeting the fans and taking off his shirt to give it to some kid faster than Gavi can spot him on the field. He already knows it’s gonna be a long time until Jude is ready to go home, seemingly much more interested in everything else than that, even normally. But tonight, paired with the win he looks much more happy and relaxed. Maybe, it’ll make him less annoying at least. 

Gavi is proved wrong when Jude is very loudly escorted by two of his teammates, on one of their shoulders before he gets in the car. They don’t even really acknowledge him because they haven’t gotten that familiar with each other and a part of Gavi is grateful for that. Hopefully, he won’t even have to do this job long enough to actually get acquainted with Jude’s friends and teammates. 

Jude is wearing a white t-shirt under a red tracksuit when he gets in the car, too dressed up to go absolutely nowhere. Or, maybe it’s his stupidly handsome face making it seem that way. But his jacket is tied around his waist and he looks a bit exhausted but still somehow energetic as he relaxes against the carseat. 

“Did you watch the match? We were so good, right?.” Jude asks, as if Gavi had any other choice. He ignores the tiny part of his brain that pipes up to say that Jude is magnetic enough that he’d be staring at him anyway even if it wasn’t his job. 

“Yes, obviously. You wouldn’t have won if you weren’t good.” Gavi states, trying to make his voice sound as professional and matter of fact as he can. 

“Hmm, who’s your favourite player?.” Jude asks, staring at Gavi with his head tilted to the side, lazy eye and all. 

“Messi.” 

“But Messi is everyone’s favourite player. Do you even like football?.” 

“Yes, who doesn’t.” 

“Okay, let me rephrase that. Do you like me?.” Jude asks and there’s an expecting look in his eyes that makes Gavi want to laugh. But even more than that it makes him want to say no to his face just to watch it fall. 

“Not really, I’m not a Madrid fan.” he says, trying to keep the chuckle out of his voice. Jude’s reaction is immediate, paired with a gasp and an offended look on his face. 

“Oh fuck off mate, let me guess? You’re a Barcelona fan, aren’t you?.” Jude asks, sitting up straight now and much closer to Gavi than he needs to be, as if he’s breathing down his neck for the “wrong” answer. 

“Maybe, maybe not.” Gavi shrugs, revelling in the way Jude’s frown deepens before he scoffs, clearly taking this way more personally than he needs to. 

“Who’s your favourite current Barca player?.” 

“Pedri.” 

“Wow.” Jude chews on his lips before reverting back to his original positions, arms crossed like a child throwing a tantrum. “I’ll get you a VIP pass to the Clasico just so you can watch me beat their ass.” 

Now, that does make Gavi laugh. Not because it’s a ridiculous statement but because of the way in which Jude says it, as if the validation from one guy is actually important to him even though he has millions fawning at him every day. That manages to make Jude even more annoyed, but clearly he’s too happy about the win—or too exhausted—to actually want to bother Gavi and get a reaction out of him.

jude

are u free

i wanna go meet up with a friend

gavi

??? 

dont you have a match in two days

jude

okay mom

if you must know

its an ex teammate from dortmund

we’re playing against them sooo

connect the dots

gavi

alright alright

its fine its the weekend anyway

obviously you’ll go out

jude

sensing some sarcasm here

dress cutely

gavi

??

i’ll dress aptly dont you worry

mr bellingham

jude

when are you gonna stop calling me that

whatever

be there in an hour

When Jude finally comes out, he’s dressed much nicer than he usually is, which is saying a lot considering he’s always dressed up. But, it’s obvious to anyone that’s paying attention that he’s put effort into his outfit. If it wasn’t already obvious, it definitely is from his perfume and the way he’s fiddling with his hair. 

He tells Gavi to go to Valdebebas, and despite not being asked continues to ramble on about the friend he’s going to meet and what they’re going to do. From what Gavi can tell, it’s nothing more than a catch up with a friend over dinner. But, Jude sounds excited enough that he doesn’t completely tune him out. Not that he has to listen to him for long either, because soon enough he busies himself with his phone, his tongue sticking out as he texts his friend. 

Somehow, once they’ve reached they’re the first ones there, Jude’s friend being the one that’s late instead of him for once. Jude doesn’t seem to mind as he rattles off orders to the manager on what he wants to order and how he wants it to be, something about his friend being gluten free. Gavi tunes it all out until the friend finally shows up, dressed cladly in a shirt with a low neckline and pants that are way too tight for him just like Jude’s. 

It doesn’t take someone particularly observant to realise that Jude is staring at him from the moment he walks in to the moment he sits down, reaching over to crush him in a hug that Gavi feels like is too intimate for him to be watching. For a second, he wonders if he should just tell Jude he’ll stand on the side while he catches up with his friend, giving them privacy. But, he’d brought that up before and Jude had been adamant on having him sit with him, saying it was too awkward otherwise. 

To his credit, Jude’s friend actually looks Gavi in the eye and offers his hand to shake it, “Hi, I’m Gio. Jude has told me a lot about you.” 

Gavi is almost surprised for a second especially because of the way Jude knees Gio under the table, but then he realises that one thing Jude likes to do is call people and whine to them, especially when they’re stuck in traffic. 

“Ah, no good things I’m sure.” he jokes and Gio laughs while Jude is rolling his eyes next to them. 

He motions for the waiter to bring out their food after that and Gavi is grateful it’s just ham and croquettes with some cocktails instead of some fancy stuff that would never fill him up. They dive straight into eating and Gavi has never been more aware of how he’s almost third wheeling here, which was expected because they’re friends with each other and he’s not. But, there’s something in the way they’re sitting close enough for their knees to touch and how Jude keeps making a mess that Gio has to clean up that makes him feel like he’s intruding. 

It’s not like they’re sitting in each other’s laps but there’s something there, something both of them want to act on that makes it feel like the air is choking him as he watches on. It’s awkward , really sitting there while Jude’s ex teammate is rubbing his thigh while they giggle over something stupid on his phone. If the closeness between them is unmistakable, what’s even more unmistakable is Jude’s inability to properly relax, even if it’s obvious he wants to. 

It feels like it finally comes to a boil when Gio whispers something in Jude’s ear, motioning towards his car but Jude immediately tenses up and shakes his head. That’s what makes Gavi finally look away, pretending like he’s busy looking at his phone even though there’s nothing there. Nothing that’s more interesting than this anyway. 

When Madrid end up beating Dortmund inevitably, Jude sneaks off again. Gavi had been mentally prepared for Jude to take a long time anyway. But, this time when he sees Gio follow him, he doesn’t look away.

jude

do you by any chance

know how to cook

gavi

no

jude

why not

you’re a grown man

that’s mad

gavi

because i already know what you’re gonna ask me to do

im not cooking for you

im off work right now

jude

technically

you’re never off work

because i could always be in danger

gavi

it’s still gonna be a no

just order

im not coming over to cook for you

jude

do you have anything better to do

i dont wanna order

takes too long

gavi

longer than me coming over? 

jude

im going to complain to your boss

gavi

go ahead

babysitting you isn’t my job

last i checked

jude

gavi

please?

look you have me begging over here

come on

gavi

🙂

alright fine. 

i dont get paid enough for this

jude

yay

“Are you sure you’re doing it correctly?.” Jude has the audacity to ask while peering over Gavi’s shoulder, as if he’s done anything in the past hour except for tasting the food and requesting elaborate home cooked meals. 

“Maybe you just sit down until I’m done?.” Gavi tries, in the same way he’s been trying for ages now, to get Jude to sit down. The other boy doesn’t seem to have any plans of doing that though, because he’s still standing behind Gavi while fidgeting and taking turns between looking over Gavi’s shoulder and outside the window. 

The thing is, Jude standing behind him and giving out instructions and trying to micromanage Gavi, as if he knows any better, isn’t even the worst part. It’s the proximity and how close he is that drives Gavi absolutely up the wall. That paired with how he wants to taste things every two minutes but also needs Gavi to blow on it first makes him wonder why he even took this job in the first place if all it included was babysitting a grown man. 

It’s when Jude puts his hand on Gavi’s shoulder, almost unconsciously rubbing up and down when he finally says something. 

“Are you always this touchy?.” he says, trying to keep any semblance of agitation out of his voice, even if he’s not sure he succeeds. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?.” Jude asks while staring blankly at him, as if it hadn’t even occurred to him before this that his hand was on Gavi’s shoulder, dangerously heading towards his arm. 

“Nothing, just an observation.” Gavi says curtly, hoping that the tone of his voice makes it obvious enough that he doesn’t want him to do it, wants to make sure the line between professional and personal can’t be blurred at all, even if that includes being a little stuck up. 

“Hmm.” Jude says before straightening up and scooting over so that he’s next to Gavi now, “—Do you not like it?.” 

“No, I don’t.” Gavi responds, trying his hardest to keep his focus on the chicken he’s grilling and not whatever weird move Jude is about to pull. He knows the more he makes a thing out of it the more it’ll provoke Jude but he doesn’t care all that much right now. 

“Well, good thing I don’t care.” Jude says with a shit eating grin on his face before reaching over to squish Gavi’s cheeks. Gavi almost flinches but he manages to keep a stoic face, standing there while he grabs Jude’s hand to move it away from his face. 

“I’m serious. I’m not one of your ex teammates that you can do all this with, I just work for you,”  he says, acutely aware he’s probably making too big of a deal out of this. But, something about how impulsive Jude is and the uncertainty that comes with it scares him, so he’d rather act like an asshole than let his guard down. Either way, it does the trick and manages to make Jude move away and look at him with a bewildered look on his face. 

“Huh, do you want to say something?” he asks, looking way more fired up than necessary. 

“No, I told you it was just an observation.” Gavi replies, purposefully keeping things vague so Jude can’t call him out on it. 

“I didn’t fuck him, if that’s what you’re insinuating.” he says, with way too much force than needed, as if he’d already known Gavi would pick up on that, had been worried about it even. 

“It’s not my business what you do in your free time.” Gavi says, even if he’s a little bewildered himself. The ferocity with which Jude had said it had only confirmed that he had in fact fucked him . 

“Good, good.” Jude responds before walking away so that he’d be on the opposite side of the kitchen counter now, a bit farther away from Gavi, “You’re not a homophobe, are you?.” 

“No? Are you?.” Gavi responds, almost flabbergasted at the sudden question. 

“Good. I’m not either.” 

“Great, I’m glad we’re on the same page.” 

“Gavi, look at me. I didn’t fuck Gio.” 

“Okay, I believe you. I don’t care who you fuck.” Gavi ends the conversation then, not wanting to drag it further because there’s a clear look of uncomfortableness in Jude’s eyes, as if he was saying it to absolve himself of an accusation instead of just stating a fact. 

They don’t have to talk about it any further anyway because Gavi is done cooking and before he knows it, Jude has devoured the plate set in front of him. Atleast he’d been nice enough to insist Gavi eat with him too after all the cooking. They don’t talk about it after that, going back to normal instead. Somewhere in the middle, before he even realises it, Gavi gets used to doing everything according to Jude’s routine, gets used to him. Whether he still likes his presence or not though is another thing entirely. 

And just like that, it’s the Clasico when they lose their first game of the season, a streak of 42 unbeaten games broken. 

By the end of the game, Jude is so exhausted that the usual feelings of disappointment after a loss don’t even hit him at first, too occupied with trying to catch his breath and breathe properly. He stays on the ground for what feels like forever before he finally gets up, both his brain and body feeling numb. It feels a little like running without letting yourself take a break, like he knows he’ll collapse the moment he sits down, the only thing keeping him standing being the adrenaline. 

The worst part is that it kind of feels like all his built up feelings throughout the season, the ones he’d been trying to ignore, hitting him in the face all at once. He doesn’t want to check his phone, wants to delay it for as long as possible because he knows he’ll do it once he’s alone anyway. 

The only thing he wants to do is to go home and crash out on his bed. Too bad he still had to go through the chore of actually walking to his car and sitting through the entire ride with his bodyguard of all people when the only people he wanted to be around were his parents and brother. Atleast, it had been a home game. 

He can still hear people screaming and chanting as he’s walking out of the stadium and towards his car, can see people’s dejected faces as they walk home, a stark contrast to the Barca fans who are celebrating. He wants to die a little bit but he also doesn’t want Gavi, who’s in the driver seat, to know that he’s affected. Inevitably, he ends up checking his phone even before he’s reached home, the stuffy car being the exact opposite of the comforts of his warm bedroom. But, he thinks he deserves it a little—the uncomfortable feeling evading his chest—for the way he’d played and let the fans down. 

Jude is in the middle of going through the comments of his last post when he realises that they aren’t going in the direction of his house. The first instinct that kicks in is sheer panic, and he’s sure his face shows it too because Gavi peers at him through the mirror before speaking up. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not kidnapping you.” he says while stifling a laugh and Jude really doesn’t think it’s funny at all. 

“This isn’t the way to my house. Where are you driving to?.” he questions, trying to mask the exhaustion in his voice. He’d yelled so much too he’s sure its much more hoarse than normal. Gavi stops the car on the side of the road and looks at him, really looks at him. 

“Nothing bad, please just trust me for a bit?.” he replies, with this odd gentleness in his voice, like he’s handling Jude with kiddie gloves and aware of it. Jude doesn’t get it, but he’s too exhausted right now and even if the only thing he wants is to go to bed, he knows once he’ll actually get there he won’t be able to relax at all. So, he nods and leans against the car seat, letting Gavi do whatever the hell he wants to do. 

The thing about losses, or really the thing about him was that everytime they lost it felt like the end of the world, like it’ll last forever until they can win the next one. The thing about wins was that the euphoria only lasted a couple of hours before Jude was back to worrying about the next one and the next and so on. 

When Gavi finally stops the car again, the view outside the window lets him know that they’re a little bit farther away from the city. Jude has no idea how long they’d been on the road because he’d felt numb the whole ride, but now that he was here he was very much aware of his surroundings. It was hard not to be considering the only thing he could see was large trees and waste everywhere he looked. Yup , this was it. Gavi was going to kill him and get rid of the body. 

What he does do instead is to start walking into the woods, motioning for Jude to follow him. Jude doesn’t know why, but despite all the signals in his brain telling him not to, he does. It’s not like he has much of a choice right now anyway. 

They end up in what looks like a junkyard more than a part of the forest, with the amount of waste materials scattered throughout. There’s a long mirror on the ground staring at the two of them and is looking at it as if it’s obvious what he brought Jude here to do.

“Okay, don’t panic. But I do this sometimes when I’m stressed and you looked like you were about to explode so I thought this might help.” 

“Do what?.” Jude asks, as if Gavi walking forward to procure a hammer out of nowhere wasn't obvious enough. 

“Smash the mirror until you’ve let all your feelings out, obviously.” Gavi blinks at him, trying to hand over the hammer to Jude who’s looking at him like there’s two heads growing out of his body. 

“If you come here often, how come there’s a fresh mirror here?.” he says, making it complicated for reasons even he doesn’t understand, mostly for the sake of it. 

“Do you always have to make things difficult?.” Gavi sighs, exasperated. 

“This is stupid.” Jude practically whines, because it is stupid being out here in the woods at the end of October, almost at midnight at that. 

“More stupid than sitting in your room and reading hate comments?.” Gavi says and that makes Jude stutter, forgetting whatever he was about to say in favour of sighing because he can’t disagree. 

He ends up grabbing the hammer from Gavi, even though his body language is all kinds of unsure. Just when Jude is about to start whining though that he doesn’t know how to do it without being scared that the glass will deflect back towards him and accidentally hurt himself in the process, Gavi stands behind him as if he knew Jude was going to do that. 

It takes a while for Jude to get used to holding it and a lot of guidance from Gavi who’s standing close enough behind Jude that he can smell his minty breath on him everytime he speaks. He holds Jude’s hand and the hammer with it, helping him grip it properly and hit the mirror without hesitating until he finally loosens up and that’s when Gavi lets go, taking a step back to watch him as Jude keeps repeating the motions until the entire ground is covered with glass shards. 

And maybe it doesn’t make the sting of the loss hurt any less but it does make him feel better that by the end of it he’s smiling at Gavi a little, almost feeling proud of how he’d managed to smash the mirror. Gavi seemed to return the sentiment because he actually smiles back at Jude even if he doesn’t say anything. They roam around for a bit after that before eventually deciding it’s better to head back instead of lurking around here. 

Jude suggests it first when he hears howls from afar, and before he knows it Gavi is guiding him back to the car while holding his hand tightly so that he doesn’t get lost. The only thing he hears after that is the sound of Gavi chuckling as he tries not to laugh at Jude and the slow relaxing playlist that Gavi puts on once they’re inside the car, taking full advantage of Jude’s good mood. All Jude knows is that atleast he’s looking forward to training the next day without feeling like he’ll explode. 

The international break rolls up in the blink of an eye and Jude feels a little like he’s running a rat race, where even sitting down to relax does nothing but make him feel like all the exhaustion is hitting him in the face like a truck. 

The flight to St. George’s Park is smooth enough even if the turbulence does make him hold Trent’s hand way tighter than he needs to. He texts Gavi throughout it though, once Trent has knocked out cold with no qualms of wanting to entertain Jude any longer. The staff and the bodyguards are seated a lot farther away from the main team and it does make Jude look over his shoulder a lot more than he’s used to. He’s exhausted and yet, he can’t fall asleep no matter how much he tries so he texts Gavi until his thumbs feel a little sore and Gavi is clearly knocked out from the movie he was watching while texting Jude to respond anymore. 

Once they’ve landed, Jude is still running on 3 hours of sleep and it probably shows because he cringes everytime the cameras surround him, but at least he manages to get away. He settles in, does all the things he normally does, the things he needs to do so that his brain doesn’t give up on him mid game. But, then right before the training session, it’s time to get checked out by the medical staff, something he’d been dreading. More than dreading it, it just seemed a little pointless, like they kept going over and over in circles. 

Yes, Jude’s been nursing a fucked up shoulder that won’t get better without surgery because apparently shoulders don’t just pop back into their sockets once they’ve popped out. But, that doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t have the time to do it in the middle of the busy schedule. So, no matter how many screenings or tests they do, it doesn’t really change anything for him. No matter what they find, he’s stubborn enough to suck it up and deal with the pain anyway. 

The whole thing feels like a little tug of war, Madrid blaming England and England blaming Madrid, no matter the fact that he ends up having to play every game anyway. But, Jude has powered through enough knick knacks and injuries to know that he can, so it doesn’t bother him. If anything, getting game time when he felt like he wasn’t in form only meant that he wasn’t completely useless, that they saw something he didn’t. 

Once he’s finally done talking to the doctors, feeling a little like an object being poked and prodded at with all the wrapping around his shoulder and the strap, Gavi is waiting for him outside on the steely chairs. It’s a little odd, having someone other than his mom always waiting for him to be done with things, albeit it’s Gavi’s job. 

Jude can’t help but feel a little grateful seeing him too because he’s carrying an iced latte in his hand which he hands over to Jude immediately after he sits down. It’s cold and comforting in just the right way, caramel syrup mixed in with every sip and it kind of makes him want to curl up and lay his head down on Gavi’s shoulder. He looks at him instead and mouths a “thank you”. 

And Gavi can probably tell that Jude is beyond exhausted already because he shoots him a sympathetic look. Jude doesn’t even know why he’s so exhausted. They’re supposed to arrive at the camp feeling fresh but everytime he closes his eyes, the only thing he can think about are all the games they’ve got left to play this month and all the ones they’ve already played. Even the stupid haircut he’d gotten didn’t help. 

“What did they tell you inside?.” Gavi asks, probably genuinely curious why Jude is acting like they told him he’s got some deadly disease. 

“Nothing new, just that I need surgery but I can carry on by wearing the shoulder protection.” Jude waves, because he’s really not in the mood to explain and narrate his entire injury history and all the ways in which his body punishes him everyday at the sake of pursuing his dream. 

“Why didn’t you get it after the Euros?.” Gavi asks again, because of course he already knows Jude’s whole injury history, probably got it packed up in a nice little file along with all the other details of his life he needed to know. 

“Didn’t want to sit around and be jobless. The club wanted to do it before once but apparently I’d be out for two months so they decided against it. And now we’ve got the league, the Champions League, Nations League and the Club World Cup, no?” Jude says, like listing off all those competitions is enough of a reason as to why they didn’t do it. He doesn’t even know why he’s revealing so much. 

“It sounds exhausting when you say it like that.” Gavi says and it takes Jude by surprise a little bit, for no apparent reason. It’s just nice to hear someone say it like it is without following it up with how he’ll deal with it anyway afterwards. 

“Well, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right?” Jude responds and Gavi looks at him with his eyebrow raised, like he wants to call out that it sort of is a little broke right now, but decides against it. 

“Sure, I’m just saying maybe it’s better to fix it and play feeling your best.” Gavi says, more so as a general thing, clearly not wanting to prod Jude too much. Maybe, it’s a little too obvious that Jude doesn’t agree with him because even that statement is enough to make him defensive. Who he’s defending himself from, he doesn’t know. 

“Yeah, but I’ve always played through injuries and I feel good enough.” It feels a little bitter as Jude says it, knowing that playing through injuries was exactly what had gotten him benched the day Dortmund had gotten so close to cinching a league title only to fail. But, no one had told him to stop until he couldn’t go on anymore, so he wasn’t going to start now. 

Gavi doesn’t push it anymore after that, realising they’d never agree on this topic. Or, maybe he doesn’t care about going back and forth with Jude. What he does do is help him get up and get him a little granola bowl from the cafeteria until Jude eventually has to go to training. 

They don’t really clash paths after that, or have an actual conversation, Jude too busy training and focusing on the matches ahead and Gavi too busy focusing on him

It takes a bit of time, but before he even knows it Gavi starts looking forward to match days. Mostly because it’s a lot more exciting than accompanying Jude during training and photoshoots and partially because Jude himself seems to enjoy them a lot more than the normal days, way more eager to prove himself continuously than he’d like to let on. 

If constantly watching him from afar serves a purpose, then at least it lets Gavi get an idea about how Jude is. He’s a lot more stressed when he plays with England than with Madrid, even if he’s sulking as if his pet died every time he finishes a match having missed chances. Except, according to Jude, the air in the national team camp is different this time around because they’ve officially got a new coach. Jude goes on a tangent about all the things Thomas Tuchel, their new coach, has achieved and all the ways in which he likes to play and Gavi lets him. 

Atleast, it seems to take his mind off of thinking about scoring. He does end up scoring and assisting a goal in England’s 3-0 win over Greece and by the end of it Jude looks like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, even though from what Gavi knows these matches aren’t even that important. Jude was hypocritical like that, acting like something doesn’t mean a lot to him just to save himself from the embarrassment if he failed, at least from what Gavi had observed. 

When they win, there’s a massive smile on Jude’s face, going online to post immediately. A huge difference from how sulky he gets when he loses and it makes Gavi smile a bit. It’s a little endearing, atleast the thought that Jude won’t make him do stupid shit to take out his frustration if not for the fact that he looks a little adorable going around hugging everyone with his face scrunched up in a smile. 

From what Gavi had last seen, he’d expected Jude to continue to be hyper going up the elevator. But, something about him feels a little withdrawn and unfocused, like he’s staring at his feet even if his brain is completely elsewhere. It’s odd, because he’s rarely this quiet around Gavi anymore, especially after a match. But, Gavi chalks it up to him being exhausted and that’s the last he sees of him. Until Jude texts him in the middle of the night that is.

jude

are you still awake

or are you sleeping

i mean if you are you probably won’t see this

hmm

text me back if you’re awake 

gavi

???? its 3 am 

you have a flight tomorrow 

jude

yeah

so do you

why are you awake

gavi

got up to pee and saw you spamming

jude

oh okay

thats good 

means you’re hydrated

gavi

jude

what do you want

jude

okay getting right to it then

nothing really 

just

i cant sleep

gavi

oh okay

but why

is something wrong

i told the staff to leave extra blankets in your room

and to fluff up the pillows

i fixed the temperature too it shouldn’t be too cold right

are you hungry or something 

jude

no no it's not that

just

i don't know

gavi

try and listen to your sleeping playlist

jude

its not that

i just don’t feel safe

for some reason

gavi

oh 

your door and everything is locked right? 

jude

yeah obviously

i don’t know

forget it

im just being paranoid i think

post match nerves don’t mind me 😅

gavi

would you feel better if i stayed with you

like in your room

jude

oh

i mean

would you

gavi

i mean

its my job to make you feel safe right

or atleast protect you

jude

right

sure

if you don’t mind 

gavi

i dont

be there in 10 mins i’ll text you.

When Gavi walks inside his hotel room, it’s a little chilly like he’d anticipated and Jude is wearing an oversized hoodie and hotel slippers—just to get out of bed— while his travel bag is neatly tucked away in a corner. Gavi fixes the temperature, assuming Jude had been fiddling with it and didn’t know how to revert it back to normal, before they’re both left staring at each other. 

It’s a little awkward and Gavi half wishes he had a list of things to do so he wouldn’t have to focus on the bags underneath Jude’s eyes and his red nose. Jude ends up breaking the ice by letting out a giggle after they’ve stared at each other for too long. 

“You gonna say something or what?.” he starts, fiddling with his sleeves. 

“I told you not to touch the temperature.” Gavi responds, resisting himself from heaving a sigh of relief at the fact that they can fall into easy conversation. Seeing Jude’s messages had set him on fight or flight mode. 

“Sorry, didn’t want to call you up for that again.” Jude says, a sheepish smile on his face while he cleans up the empty cup of coffee he’d probably drank hours ago. Gavi doesn’t acknowledge the fact that he did call him in the end because Jude seems well aware of that already, cleaning up after himself just so he’d have something to do. They’re a little similar in the way they want to avoid really looking at the other, especially in this light. 

It takes a while but clearly Jude has tired himself out. Gavi is ready to sit on the coach and go to sleep while Jude takes the bed before he looks in his direction and starts tutting to indicate that he doesn’t agree with whatever Gavi is doing. 

“Why are you taking the couch? Your back is gonna kill you tomorrow.” Jude says, like it’s exhausting him to even have this conversation and he doesn’t understand why Gavi doesn’t share his sentiment. 

“I’ll be fine, I’ve had worse.” Gavi shrugs, because it's better than sleeping in the same bed. 

“I don’t care Gavi, it’s not even a sofa bed.” At that point, Jude starts whining a little bit and Gavi is grateful that the low light probably doesn’t reflect how red and hot his face feels. If Jude notices anything, he doesn’t call it out, motioning instead for Gavi to take the left side of the bed while he makes himself comfortable on the right. 

Before he can even blink, he’s laying down next to Jude and they aren’t facing each other, backs touching instead but even the small contact is enough to make him feel like his body is on fire. He can’t help but wonder whether Jude feels the same, or if he’s even awake. He gets his answer when he keeps tossing and turning in his spot before coming face to face with Gavi. 

Unconsciously, he lets out a deep breath he probably hadn’t even realised he was holding and Gavi really wishes he hadn’t because now he can lightly smell the mouthwash he’d used before going to bed and it makes him realise just how close they are. He wonders if Jude can smell the residue of the lemon and ginger tea he’d had, but it probably hadn’t been strong enough. 

“I can’t sleep.” Jude announces, sounding more frustrated than Gavi has ever heard him sound. In his defence, they had a long flight the next day and Jude didn’t seem to be too good with flights. 

“Want me to sing to you?.” Gavi jokes and it actually gets Jude laughing. He doesn’t know whether it's the deliriousness or whether he actually finds the idea of Gavi singing that funny.

“No, it’s fine. Tell me how you’re liking it here so far.” Jude says, peering at Gavi through his lazy eye while the other is squished against the pillow. 

“It’s nice. I don’t like the weather but I like how the fans yell when you guys win. And I like some of your teammates. The food here sucks though.” Gavi says, practically complaining but it does elicit a giggle out of Jude. 

“Which teammates do you not like?.” Jude asks, always instigating on purpose. 

“It’s not that I don’t like them but more so that I don’t understand their accent. I think I like Saka the best, he’s really cute.” Gavi says, and immediately bites his tongue wondering how Jude might take that. 

“B? You think B is cute? He has a girlfriend you know.” Jude teases, even if his posture is a lot more alert from before. 

“Yeah, so what? I meant in general.” Gavi shrugs just to stop the moment from turning into something awkward. It looks like Jude has other plans though. 

“Alright, now that we’re speaking generally. Do you think he’s cuter than me?” Gavi almost chucks a pillow at him. 

“I’m not answering that, you attention whore.” He doesn’t throw a pillow at Jude but he does roll his eyes. 

“What? I don’t even have a girlfriend that you need to be scared of.” Jude is practically melting into his pillow as he speaks and this time Gavi does flick him against his forehead. 

“Fuck off, maybe you’re just not cute enough.” he says and there’s no malice in his voice, he’s even smiling a little as he speaks. It makes Jude gasp in a way that makes him laugh loud enough that he hopes the walls aren’t thin. 

“No, fuck you. I’ll show you I’m cute.” Jude challenges, even though he’s halfway through falling asleep. Atleast, it means he’s relaxed enough now to be able to do that so Gavi relaxes too, not caring that they’re so close together now that the awkwardness has passed. 

Just when he finally feels like he’s on the verge of falling asleep, Jude speaks, or rather whispers into Gavi’s back. It’s barely audible and they’re not even facing each other anymore but Gavi is glad that he actually hears it. 

“Hey, thank you for staying with me.” he says and it’s a little obvious how hesitant he is. It makes Gavi smile until he realises he has to actually answer. 

“You’re welcome, now go to sleep.” Gavi says and Jude must be satisfied enough with that because he does in fact drift away to sleep after that, only waking up when Gavi shakes him awake for breakfast. 

They go through breakfast and all the motions they need to before they’re back in Madrid again, and if Jude’s a lot softer at the edges this time around everytime they talk, Gavi doesn’t question why. Maybe he’s just gotten over all the doom and gloom he’d felt about how badly his season had apparently started, as he’d proclaimed himself. Right. 

November seems to come to an end even before Jude has registered that it’s begun and it’s funny how Madrid in the colder months always takes him back to England a little bit, even if it’s practically nothing in comparison. Training in the rain however, is still as annoying, especially when they’re training for the Champion’s League. 

It’s a little ironic how the locker room where he’d felt the most free last year, felt quite stuffy now. The trophies lining the wall feeling less like something to aspire to, more so serving as a stark reminder that he’d failed to honour the badge everytime he played like shit. It sucked , and Jude wished he could will himself to become the kind of person who didn’t feel so low when the lows hit. 

If he were to look at it from an unbiased perspective, it probably wasn’t that bad. Sure, they’d lost a lot of matches that Jude—and the team— would rather not have lost but they’d won a lot of matches too. The gap wasn’t even that big and they still had a lot of the league left to go—and the Champion’s League. That was always their forte, right ? Right. 

The only part that was getting on his nerves was how out of control he felt, running up and down the pitch with no set role. When he’d first arrived to Madrid, he’d noticed how much freedom he had in his role, none of their positions being set but now he almost craved being told exactly what to do. Or rather, knowing that he was doing the right thing because someone had told him to instead of leaving it up to him. It was childish and juvenile and he didn’t really want to go home at all, or at least be alone. He didn’t want to be alone. 

So, it made sense to keep texting Trent over and over again, knowing that he’d be catching a flight here soon, to play in Jude’s home ground. It felt like all the cards were in his favour, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone out and let someone have their hands all over him on a whim. The point was that he needed this. 

Trent had replied instantly, falling into the easy back and forth that they’d established over the years and Jude wondered for a second whether he was even coming off strong at all, whether he should just bite his tongue and say out loud what he needed or whether that’d get him rejected. His brain wasn’t working but if they went out and got drunk then it definitely couldn’t end any other way. Right . 

The only problem was that he couldn’t just go and fucking sneak away by himself anymore, wouldn’t feel safe doing it anyway. When he texts Gavi in the middle of a break, he’s staring at him from the other side of the field, probably wondering what is so important that Jude can’t just tell him afterwards. He doesn’t tell Gavi what he wants to do or who he’s even meeting up with, just that he needs to get away. 

The thought of Gavi being there isn’t really as intimidating or off putting anymore, what is intimidating however is the way he’s boring holes into Jude’s eyes, even from afar, whether he knows it or not. For some reason, Jude can’t look away, only doing so when the staff tells him that the break is over. 

There’s a sense of relief when training is finally over, like an itch to satisfy what he’d been waiting all day for. Maybe it’d be easier if he could just settle for going to a bar and picking up some random guy or girl and doing whatever he wanted with them, but he doesn’t have that luxury so he’ll settle for going back to the boys he was oh so familiar with, the ones who probably knew him inside out and knew better. He’d hoped Trent wouldn’t know any better and just fuck him. 

It makes him feel a little pathetic even as he sits down, fiddling with his phone for Trent’s text that he’s here. When he finally gets it, his heart doesn’t skip a beat but rather his throat feels completely dry all of a sudden. The last thing he registers before he spots Trent, is Gavi staring at him downing drinks with an unreadable look in his eye, like he doesn’t quite understand what Jude wants to do here. Jude doesn’t know either so he doesn’t dwell on it and gets up instead to hug his friend. Because they’re friends and he wouldn’t want Trent thinking that doesn’t come first for him. 

It doesn’t take long after that for them to ditch the open bar for a quieter, more private room. Jude briefly wonders if he should tell Gavi to just wait outside considering the awkward look on his face, even as Trent continues talking. Even though he’s replying, Jude’s not sure what he even contributes to the conversation considering he’s far more focused on the way Gavi is leaning against the wall and picking at his nails, his posture far too composed and calm for someone on the job. But, that’s what they’d started to act like around each other, no need for formalities after the first few months of knowing each other. 

They’re talking about the shitty music Trent’s teammates like to play on the bus, and Jude cracks a joke about how if he came to play with him in Madrid he wouldn’t have to listen to that anymore, their tastes far too similar to be a problem. Trent doesn’t even take him seriously and flicks his forehead while fondly rolling his eyes before he’s leaning into him and suddenly it feels like all the hair on his arms are standing up. No matter how hard he tries, Jude can’t help but put his hand on Trent’s thigh and start rubbing up and down it. 

“Do you wanna….you know?” Jude whispers and it’s comical how much strength it takes out of him considering he’s not being loud at all, the only thing stopping him from being embarrassed being all the drinks he’d downed in one go and throughout the night. 

What is embarrassing however is how quickly Trent’s whole body language changes as he whispers back with a confused look on his face, “I thought you said you didn’t want to do anything in public. You know…after everything.” 

“We can go back to my house.” Jude says and immediately wants to shoot himself in the foot. He’s not sure he even wants to do that. 

“Yeah, no. I don’t think that’s a good idea mate. Let’s just chill, yeah? We’ve got an important game coming up.” Trent says while smiling, almost as if he’s gently trying to let Jude down like he’s a child. Jude wants to argue that having an important game is the exact reason why they should be doing this but he doesn’t. 

It’s quiet for a few seconds after that until Gavi finally decides to clear his throat and let his presence be known, only to start opening the door very quietly to get out. It’s Trent who breaks the silence. 

“You don’t need to go, we’re not going to do anything.” Jude swears he feels worms crawl all over him, the alcohol not being strong enough to save him from embarrassment after all. The thought of Gavi sitting there and watching it play out just worsens it. He grabs a lime from the corner table and squeezes it in his mouth, ignoring the way he tastes metal for some odd reason before Trent is back to chatting like normal, probably to make sure Jude doesn’t overthink it. 

He does but he ends up talking anyway, about anything and everything except what just happened. 

Before he knows it, it’s somehow late enough that Trent is calling a cab back to his hotel, even if Jude insists on dropping it. When they’re walking back to the car, with only Gavi next to him gripping his waist so that he doesn’t lose his balance, he’s grateful that Trent refused the ride after all. He hadn’t counted but he’s sure he’d downed at least five more glasses of whatever cocktail he was drinking by the time it was time to leave. 

When he looks over to Gavi, he looks like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how to, like he’s almost worried Jude will start coming onto him next. Atleast that’s what it looks like when he helps Jude get into the back seat and immediately pulls away. Jude, being the stubborn person that he is, only feels inclined to pull him back. 

“Don’t go, come sit here.” he almost whines and by this point he’s not even sure he can feel embarrassed anymore. To his credit, Gavi abides, looking like he’s far too used to Jude’s bullshit to be phased. 

“You’re acting really pathetic, you know that right?.” Gavi says and Jude can’t help but smile because it was the exact fire he’d been anticipating from him, had been almost waiting even so Gavi would dish it out and something would happen. 

“Should have tried to stop me then.” Jude challenges, knowing he sounds every bit like a brat. He almost wishes Gavi was drunk too so that he’d be more prone to doing something stupid before he realises that that in itself is a stupid thought. 

“Well, your friend did anyway, didn’t he?.” he responds in a way that makes Jude know he’s having way too much fun with this. The whine that leaves his throat instantly is so embarrassing that he wants to bury his face in Gavi’s shoulder, so he does. 

“Fuck off. Don’t make fun of me, not you too.” Whatever lighthearted insult Gavi had on the tip of his tongue seems to vanish as his body immediately stiffens when Jude gets close. If Jude was more sober he’s sure he would have noticed instantly, but he does eventually and mouths a small apology, looking out the window. 

To his surprise, Gavi actually pulls him back and makes him lay his head on his shoulder, properly. 

“Don’t worry. I don’t mind.” It’s reassuring enough that Jude feels like he can finally relax, before the metallic taste is back and his first instinct is to whine to Gavi about it. He feels like he’s being scolded almost when Gavi makes him open his mouth and starts swiping at his lips. 

“How the hell did you cut your lip and not even realise?” Jude blinks at that because he really hadn’t realised and Gavi is only staring at him, shaking his head before he lightly presses down on his lips with his finger before giving Jude a tissue. 

“Ah, I tried opening one of the beer cans with my teeth. Must have been then.” Even though he’s explaining, Jude doesn’t really register what he’s saying because he’s too busy staring at Gavi’s lips and wondering if he’d still feel the metallic taste of blood if he was kissing them, or whether they’d be replaced by the chapstick he uses and his minty breath. Or whether it’d be more likely that Gavi would be tasting blood instead. 

“Why would you do that?”, he asks and Jude finds himself getting a little flustered. 

“Don’t know, wanted him to think I was cool.” he laughs even as he says it, because it’s utterly ridiculous. He’s not even sure his heart was really in it and Trent could probably tell, way more smart about these things than Jude. 

“Why?” Gavi keeps on questioning, and Jude’s not really sure why but he’s looking into Jude’s eyes in a way that makes him unable to look away. 

“Harder to get rejected that way, no?.” Jude says and his breath almost hitches because his first thought is that he doesn’t want Gavi to think that he’s actually into Trent, or that he actually wanted anything more than something quick and easy. 

Unsurprisingly, Gavi merely blinks at him before he goes completely quiet, the only thing indicating that he's even there being how he plays with Jude’s hair. Jude wants to think it through before saying anything but he also can’t stop himself before he’s whispering in Gavi’s ear. 

“Don’t tell anyone about this, okay?.” He doesn’t have to say it for the implication to be loud and clear. Don’t tell anyone I like boys. 

And the way in which Gavi starts rubbing his back lets him know that he gets it too. Jude doesn’t know when, but somehow he’d managed to fall asleep in the backseat. The only thing that lets him know that he’s back home in his bed is when the warm comforting embrace of Gavi’s arms turns into the cold sheets of his bed. Gavi had carried him all the way here, and it’d been so comfortable that he hadn’t even realised until he’d stopped. 

When Gavi drops him down, he fixes the blanket and looks at him and Jude can’t help the whine that escapes, but he doesn’t regret it either. It doesn’t take a lot of strength to pull Gavi down so that they’re level because he seems to understand that that’s what Jude wants. What does seem to take him by surprise is how afterwards Jude reaches out to plant a kiss on his forehead, mouthing a ‘thank you’ afterwards indicating that he can go now. 

Gavi doesn’t know it then, but all the things that he’d done in his drunken state and for how pathetic he’d acted the whole night, it’s the only thing that Jude doesn’t regret when he thinks about it later. Even if it does make him splash cold water over and over on his face the next day, in some attempt to feel sane. 

Being around Jude, by extension meant being around all the people that he surrounds himself with too. Gavi didn’t know if he’d consider himself at home at Valdebebas but he’d definitely made himself comfortable, at least enough for him to be able to sit around and eat with the staff without it being awkward. 

He’d realised sooner or later that this wasn’t unlike any other office environment, at least from what he’d experienced. It was a well oiled machine—even when it was faltering. 

Being in an office environment ultimately meant having to socialise with the people he was working with. Apart from Jude, he’d mostly interacted with the security team. But, maybe it was his instincts or eye for things like these but he’d familiarised himself with almost everyone, even when the conversation was boring. He wasn’t supposed to make a big deal out of being Jude’s bodyguard but most people knew now that that was his job, why he was here. 

The first thing he’d learned was that gossip spread fast here. He’d noticed it firsthand when the news of the Balon D’or winner had leaked and everyone had practically scrambled to talk about it, about how nobody from Madrid would be flying there. Jude had been the one to explain the whole thing to him, looking exactly as upset as Gavi had expected him to look. They’d been planning ahead for the ceremony for weeks after all. 

Gossip spread fast here but he hadn’t really expected to listen in on the hair and makeup team gossiping about how Jude was dating someone, of all people. Really, he should have expected it but that still didn’t make it feel any less jarring. Somehow, trying to shut it down had just led to Gavi getting cornered. 

“C’mon, you have to know who he’s sleeping with.” One of the hairstylists piped up seeing the glares Gavi was sending their way. 

“No one. Not that it’s any of your business.” Gavi emphasised in the most professional voice he could muster. Being around a set while Jude was doing photoshoots was hard enough but he hadn’t expected it to come with a heavy dose of gossip. 

“Seriously, you expect us to believe he’s not sleeping with any girl?.” 

“Or boy.” One of the makeup artists, whose face Gavi doesn’t even remember anymore, speaks from the back and suddenly the entire room went silent. Gavi thinks he himself must have stopped breathing for a minute. 

“Don’t say that so lightly.” Gavi said, not really caring anymore whether he came off as defensive. He was getting defensive. 

“Oh c’mon, don’t tell me you haven’t heard the rumours.” He hadn’t, because realistically there weren’t any concrete rumours. Unless someone from inside had said something. Either way, Gavi didn’t think Jude would appreciate knowing that stuff like that was floating around about him. 

And maybe he’s overreacting, but he takes a step forward towards the guy, trying his hardest to not grab him by the collar and threaten him. He probably doesn’t even think it’s a serious thing to say, which is half the problem. Either way, Gavi doesn’t even really need to threaten him because he immediately takes a step back the closer Gavi gets. 

“I don’t know where you heard that from but it’s awfully irresponsible of you to just parrot it back. Please make sure nothing like this happens again because I don’t think the club will want to hire people who spread rumours like this, will they?” It feels a little like an overreaction even as he says it, but the rest of the girls surrounding him break out into a chorus of agreement, whether they approve or not. 

Why they’d approached Gavi to get gossip out of him in the first place, he didn’t understand. It had him wondering just how much people in the past had been willing to divulge information like that. The idea of Jude getting his privacy violated in any way, made him uncomfortable for some reason. Maybe he’d grown to actually care a little about the idiot or maybe he just wasn’t a piece of shit. It was easier to tell himself the latter for now, even as he was walking away from the group to go find a place to calm down. 

He ended up besides the stairs, far away from the place they were shooting at but not far enough so that he couldn’t find Jude. Not that he needed to search hard either way, because when he’d opened the door Jude was staring at him with a chocolate cupcake in his hand, apparently done with the shoot before Gavi had even realised. 

“I thought I told you to text me after you were done.” Gavi spoke, trying to keep the fondness from seeping out of his voice. This was a work environment and they were very much supposed to be serious . It was hard though, trying not to smile as he watched Jude try to hide the cupcake in his hand, as if a child who’d been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be. 

“No, you told me to text me when it was time to leave.” Jude explained, sitting down on the stairs with his legs sprawled out. Gavi moved closer so that he could lean against the wall opposite to him and face Jude directly. He hadn’t taken off his makeup yet, wearing a special tee and a purple shirt on top, some special collection that the club had been working on. 

“You could have told me if you were hungry.” This time, Gavi was sure the fondness did seep out of his voice. He didn’t really care because Jude was unwrapping the muffin now and taking a bite out of it instead of trying to hide it, 

“Not hungry, just stressed. Don’t know why they keep all these snacks out when we’re not even allowed to eat them.” Jude was practically whining, already having subjected Gavi to enough rants about how the nutritionists always took away whatever snacks he’d managed to accumulate. 

“I’m not going to scold you, you idiot.” Gavi said, acutely aware of just how casual and close it sounded. He hoped nobody would suddenly barge in on them because he didn’t trust his poker face around Jude. 

“That’s why you’re my favourite.” Jude announced before taking a big bite of his cupcake, busying himself with focusing on it. For some odd reason, Gavi couldn’t stop looking at him and the way his eyes widened as he exclaimed at the taste of it. The only thing that snapped him out of the trance was Jude breaking up the cupcake and offering him half of it 

“C’mon, take it. You probably haven’t eaten anything after lunch.” Jude looked up at him with his big brown eyes, being shorter for once because he was actually sitting down. 

“No, thank you. You haven’t eaten anything since lunch either.” Gavi urged, mostly because it felt a little too casual and familiar to be sharing snacks with Jude, like they were actually friends . 

“So? I’ll live. Take it before I get up and try to feed you.” Jude looked at him with enough willpower that Gavi could immediately tell he was serious, only relaxing when he finally took half the cupcake from Jude. 

“Don’t be too bothered. I’ll probably make you steal another one before we leave, yeah?” Jude said with a smile and Gavi really couldn’t be bothered to stop himself from smiling back. This idiot. 

If Gavi had any doubts that he cared even the littlest bit about Jude, it seemed like the universe had other plans of making sure he couldn’t possibly deny it. 

Their day had started out normal enough, or atleast how it tended to go whenever Jude had an event he had to be at. It was an Adidas event, something to go with the boots he was launching and that meant driving him there and being there with him the whole time while Jude went over the script he was given and rehearsed the whole time, probably a bit more than he normally tended to do. 

That should have been the first red flag, the way Jude was reading over his answers to the questions they’d be asking him over and over again, slightly murmuring as if he wasn’t registering them even as he was reading. It wasn't out of the norm to see Jude nervous before events like this, he tended to get like that even if he tried his level best not to show it, but he usually also tended to snap out of it just as quickly. 

Gavi didn’t exactly get it, because the questions hadn’t been challenging enough and Jude could answer however he wanted anyway, which meant there was something else bugging him. What that something was Gavi didn’t know. 

He didn’t have much time to find out either, because just when it was time to get on stage and interact with the fans, no one could find Jude. 

And when he said no one, he meant no one . Gavi had spent enough time around Jude at events like this to know just how hectic it tended to get, but he’d never seen anything like this. The entire staff, from the security team to the stylists were looking for him. Gavi was probably the one leading them around too, being the one person who spent the most time with him. 

From the side, he could hear someone—probably Jude’s publicist—call him again and again just for the phone to keep ringing with no answer. They couldn’t even track him because he had his location off. After searching through practically every room inside the building, Gavi’s heart was starting to hammer in his chest. He wondered if Jude would pick up if he called instead, and why he’d disappeared in the first place. 

The idea of someone trying to cause harm to Jude only made him panic, so he didn’t even dwell on it. He wanted to think Jude had enough autonomy to want to be out of people’s sights himself, which meant something bad must have happened for him to just walk out like this. 

Somehow, without thinking Gavi started walking out of the building and towards the garage. He didn’t even think anyone noticed him walking out, with how busy they were trying to look for Jude instead. 

When he walked upto Jude’s car, parked at the very left, he didn’t know whether to feel relieved or even more worried because the Jude he found was crumbled up in the backseat with his knees pulled up to his chest and his face down so no one would see him, or rather his eyes. 

It didn’t take long for Gavi to open the door slowly so that Jude wouldn’t get startled and slide upto him, rubbing his back gently, “Shhh, it’s just me. No need to be alarmed, don’t be alarmed.” 

When Jude finally did look up after hearing the sound of Gavi’s voice, his eyes were rimmed red and he was heaving, like even looking up at Gavi like this was a struggle, let alone breathing. 

“F-Fuck, I’m so sorry.” Jude spoke in between jagged breaths and it would be an understatement to say that it made Gavi feel like there were daggers in his chest. He didn’t like seeing anyone cry but he really didn’t think he liked seeing Jude cry at all. 

“Baby, don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about.” The nickname came out so naturally that he didn’t even register at first that it’d slipped. He hoped Jude hadn’t either. 

“—I fucked up.” Jude admitted, in the middle of repeating ‘sorry’ over and over again to himself like some sort of madman. What he was talking about specifically, Gavi didn’t understand. But, it seemed a lot more important to calm him down in the moment than to get to the bottom of that. 

“No, you didn’t. No one’s mad at you, you’ve been doing good. It’s okay.” Gavi reassured, over and over again everytime Jude apologised, rubbing his back in the process to really let him know that he had nothing to be worried about. Why this panic attack had even been triggered in the first place, Gavi didn’t know. Something in his gut told him that he didn’t really want to find out either. 

After what felt like forever, and probably was, Jude calmed down, atleast enough to look Gavi in the eyes and take a deep breath, to form a coherent sentence, “I have to go back inside.” 

“Do you think you can?.” Gavi questioned, not sure if putting a frazzled and disoriented Jude on top of an already nervous one in front of a crowd was really a good idea. 

“I have to, there’s way too many people waiting inside there.” Jude tried to reason, as if he wasn’t still shaking. Gavi wanted to put his arms around him but he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to do that, or how much Jude would appreciate it considering they were still very much in public. 

“But, do you want to?.” Gavi tried again. Surely, even the team inside wouldn’t be stupid enough to want to send him up there if they saw the state he was in. 

“That doesn’t matter. I can’t just cancel now, can I?” Jude continued talking, rubbing away at his forehead like this conversation was giving him a headache. 

“Why not? I’m sure everyone will understand. I’ll talk to them and say that you’re not feeling well. It’s really not that big of a deal.” Once he was done talking, Gavi wasn’t really sure whether it was a good idea because he looked on the verge of tears again, taking another deep breath before finally bursting. 

“You don’t get it, okay? If I don’t go up on that stage right now, it means I’m letting them win.” he said, with far more force than Gavi had ever seen him speak. And he couldn’t really say it had left him feeling anything but confusion. 

“Let who win, Jude?” 

“This fucking—the person that’s been stalking me.” Jude choked out, like getting those words out had simultaneously been the biggest struggle and a relief all at the same time. If he could hear Jude’s shaky breathing before, Gavi couldn’t hear anything now but a pin drop silence.

“The what?.” Gavi asked, with far more tenacity than he’d aimed for, if the way Jude’s posture had straightened up was anything to go by. Instead of saying anything, he handed over his phone to Gavi, showing him text after text of their interactions. Threats , really from the other side. Threats of what it’d be like if Jude went out and the projector showed the “pictures” and threats of what would happen to Jude and his career and details that nobody should know. 

It was making Gavi’s head spin a little. 

“How long has this been going on?” 

“I don’t know, six months maybe? It started after the Euros.” Jude admitted, scratching his neck awkwardly in the process. Gavi was sure he was seeing red by now, six months of this nonsense. Did anybody in Jude’s life even know?. People in the club must have at least. It’s why he’d been hired, it was clear now. 

“You should have told me, I’d have tried harder to protect you,” Gavi lamented, not being able to handle how awful he felt even if it probably wouldn’t help Jude to see Gavi get all emotional on him. 

“Wasn’t your fault. I’ve felt a lot safer since you’ve been around” Jude tried to reassure him, the look in his eyes indicating that he really did mean it. But, it still hadn’t been enough because someone was psychotic enough to still stalk him and Gavi hadn’t even known. But , he did know now. 

“You’re not doing the event, I’m taking you home. I’ll tell them you’re feeling bad and I don’t care what you say.” Gavi ordered, making it obvious he wasn’t open to listening to what Jude wanted to do. 

“Okay…can I sit in the front with you?.” Jude asked and Gavi actually felt his heart squeeze a bit. This idiot. 

“ Don’t be ridiculous, Jude.” Gavi shook his head before getting in the front, sending a quick text to Jude’s publicist that he wasn’t well enough to carry on with the event and that anyone who’d bought a ticket would get their money back. It definitely wasn’t the ideal situation for everyone involved inside, but Gavi didn’t think he cared about anything above Jude’s safety right now. 

Once he started driving, Jude started fiddling with his seatbelt before he eventually moved to biting his nails, a habit that only emerged when he was really nervous, “Aren’t you gonna ask me what photos they’re talking about?.” 

“Only if you want to tell me.” Gavi wasn’t going to lie and say he hadn’t been curious. But, he’d take whatever Jude was willing to give him, even if that was nothing. 

“It’s a picture of me kissing a guy.” Jude admitted, like Gavi’s reaction here could make or break how they interacted in the future. 

“How did someone manage to get a picture of that?” Gavi couldn’t help but look at him sympathetically. He couldn’t even imagine how he’d feel if someone had managed to get something that private on camera, and he wasn’t even famous like Jude. 

“I was a mess after the Euros, so I just went to a club in Ibiza and hooked up with someone. I don’t think I was really thinking straight enough at that moment to realise someone could be filming.”  Jude said, looking down at his hands like it embarrassed him to talk about it. Gavi made a mental note to press him for details later, any clue as to who might have filmed him. At the moment though, he was more occupied with letting Jude know that he was on his side. 

“Ah, I’m so sorry that happened. It never should have.” 

“Yeah, I know this makes me sound stupid but I swear it was a high profile place. I’ve been there before and it’s usually just celebrities and rich people. I don’t know….I just thought it would be fine, you know?” Jude explained further, and Gavi looked at him gently, wanting desperately to reach out and hold his hand. 

“Jude, it’s alright. I’m not judging you.” he said, trying his best to make Jude feel less anxious. Even if he couldn’t reach out and touch his hand, he could atleast put his hand on his shoulder to let him know he was there. 

“Thank you, that makes me feel a lot better.” Jude said before sinking into his seat and putting his head against the window. 

The ride was silent for a while after that, only the sound of Jude’s slow R&B playlist in the back before Gavi piped up again, “I think you should stay at my place tonight instead of going back to yours, just to be safe.” 

Jude picked up his head and sat up straight, looking into Gavi’s eyes before finally nodding, as if he’d mulled the idea over in seconds and realised it was the better option after all. 

When they reached Gavi’s apartment, he let Jude trail behind him, almost wishing he’d cleaned everything up before leaving. Maybe it was a testament to how tired Jude was that he didn’t call it out, too focused on taking off his shoes. 

“Do you want a snack? There’s some chips in the cupboard you can dig through while I fix up the room you’ll stay in.” 

“You always know the right thing to say,” Jude’s eyes lit up as he spoke before he ran towards the cupboard to start digging through the variety of chips that Gavi had inside, settling on a can of Pringles. 

Gavi had walked inside the room, rummaging through his closet for a fresh pair of bedsheets, having expected Jude to stay in the kitchen and munch on his chips happily by himself until Gavi was done. Instead he’d followed him all the way here, watching him intently as he continued shoving chips into his mouth, as if the constant chewing was serving as a stress relief. 

“Come here, take this.” Jude stepped closer, practically shoving a handful of Pringles into Gavi’s mouth innocently once Gavi was finally done setting up the bedsheets. 

“No, thank you. It’s all yours.” Gavi said, deep down just so he could hear Jude whine, which he ended up doing like clockwork. 

“But I’m almost done, and I’ll end up feeling bad if I finish the whole thing by myself.” It was cute enough that Gavi didn’t really want to say no, so he ended up sitting there beside Jude, helping him finish the can until Jude felt tired enough to want to go to sleep. 

Gavi wasn’t having it though, making sure to make him clean up and have a proper meal before he could finally go to sleep, not listening to any of Jude’s complaints. How they’d deal with the situation that Jude was in though, was a headache for the next day. 

“—Wake up.” Gavi had walked into the guest room expecting to see a barely conscious Jude still in bed, only to be greeted instead with a shirtless Jude, with his shirt halfway over his head. He’d borrowed one of Gavi’s shirts, because of how impulsively they’d planned the whole thing. The shirt that fit Gavi almost perfectly, meaning— 

“This is a little tight. I think I was too tired to realise yesterday.” Jude whined as he struggled to take the shirt off. It took a herculean amount of effort to not stare at the smooth skin of his waist and the way his boxers were hanging above his sweatpants. If Gavi were to be staring right now—which, he wasn’t— he was grateful that Jude was dumb enough to not notice it. 

“I’ll help, idiot.” he said, despite knowing it was a double edged sword to go and be so close to him. It was going to be fine . Besides, it was immoral anyway to be looking at Jude in a sexual light after he’d had a literal panic attack in front of Gavi. But, it was difficult to not notice the veins in his arms and the slight stretch marks spread out all over his waist. 

When he inched closer to Jude, it was easier not to look; too focused on trying not to touch. Not that that was avoidable though, Gavi’s hand brushing against Jude’s slightly as he helped him lift the shirt up his head. He didn’t know whether the spark when he touched him was just the static but either way it left Jude flinching, a sheepish look on his face before he went to put on the shirt he’d originally worn. 

“You forgot to take your makeup off, make sure to wash it off in the bathroom.” Gavi ordered while Jude looked at him with puppy eyes, for god knows what reason. He did end up making his way to the bathroom, which was Gavi’s cue to go to the kitchen and start working on breakfast. 

What he didn’t expect however was for Jude to come out with the toothbrush still in his mouth and start following Gavi, hovering over the sink as he watched him move around the kitchen. It made Gavi wrinkle his nose, unable to contain his expressions as Jude only giggled, trying not to choke on the toothpaste as he laughed. 

“Give me your phone. I’ll make you breakfast according to your plan.” he motioned towards Jude’s phone, who took it out of his pocket and slid it towards the counter, unlocking it with face ID by bringing it closer to Jude’s face. 

Once Gavi got to making breakfast, for himself and for Jude, the other boy took it upon himself to finish brushing his teeth and roam around the apartment, looking at all the things that Gavi had laid around, or rather didn’t have . 

“You don’t have a lot of decorations here, do you? There’s no pictures of your family.” Jude pointed out, with his hands in his pockets while he stared at Gavi’s bare silver refrigerator; stark contrast to his own filled with polaroids of his parents and brother and post it notes reminding himself of things he needed to do. 

“Can’t really do that now, can I? I’m only staying here because I’m working with you right now.” Gavi explained, flipping over the egg he was frying, which elicited a ‘wow’ from Jude. 

“Ah, true. Where does your family live then? Or can you not tell me because it’s top secret information?.” Jude joked, sitting down on a stool on the opposite side of Gavi. 

“What’s that thing you like to say? Don’t take the piss? Yeah, that one.” Gavi gave him a side eye, assembling the egg on top of a piece of bread and topping it off with a bit of cheese like he knew Jude liked, “They live in Sevilla.” 

“Hmm, that’s cool. Mine live in England but you knew that.” Jude said, trying to wait till Gavi was done plating up to start eating instead of grabbing it from him. They were still sitting opposite to each other, Gavi standing up as he took a bite out of his before handing Jude his plate. 

“Okay, can we talk about the elephant in the room now? I couldn’t sleep all night.” Gavi said, noticing how it made Jude immediately stiffen up. He hoped it was more because the topic itself was uncomfortable, instead of the possibility that he didn’t trust Gavi. Surely, he did if he was sitting here eating the food he’d made him. 

“Ah, yeah. I couldn’t either. What do you want to know?.” Jude answered, his legs rocking back and forth as he continued eating. 

“Who knows apart from me? Do you have any idea who it could be?” Gavi started the questioning slow and easily, wanting to make Jude feel like he could share everything. They’d gotten the hard part over with when he’d first told him anyway. 

“Well, I had to tell the coach cause the threats kept getting very specific and scary. From there, I think he told the President and a couple other people on the security team, then you got hired.” Jude explained, probably a lot more willing to divulge now that he was done eating and couldn’t focus on anything else but Gavi in front of him. 

“Ah, so they’ve been trying to find this person?.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know how far it’s gotten along because I think they relaxed a little after I got you. I haven’t really told them much about the texts.” 

Now, it was Gavi’s turn to be worried, even though he could probably guess why Jude had wanted to keep most of it a secret. “Don’t you think that maybe you should? If it’s stressing you out that much?.” 

“Maybe—it’s just a little embarrassing, that’s all. And too personal.” Jude said with a defeated tone, knowing that that wasn’t an excuse for him to not be transparent. 

“You think it could be anyone you know?.” Gavi questioned, trying to gauge Jude’s reaction and the way in which he stiffened let him know immediately that he hadn’t in fact considered that. 

“What do you mean?.” 

“Like, maybe not someone you’re close with but someone who has access to you. Maybe someone who works with you?.” Gavi tried. 

“No, I don’t—I don’t know. I hadn’t considered that. Surely not?.” Jude said, more so to himself than to Gavi. 

“It could be something to keep in mind. I’m not saying it’s one of your teammates or anything. It could be one of the staff too.” 

“Fuck, I don’t know. I was convinced it was just some crazy person who either wants my money or is hateful enough to want to out me. I mean, everyone who works there is supposed to be protecting me, right?.” Jude admitted, putting his head down on the table top. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say they’ve done a good job at that exactly.” he said, a little bit surprised at the incompetency they’d displayed at dealing with this, especially considering it’d hurt the club just as much as Jude if it ever came out. 

“Yeah—Fuck, this is really stressful.” Jude groaned and Gavi couldn’t help the way his eyes softened at the sight. He made his way over to Jude, and made him look up at him while he was standing in front of him, tilting his chin slightly. 

“Hey, look at me. Don’t worry, okay? I’ll help you deal with this. Just be honest with me and tell me when something bad is happening, okay?.” He tried his best to appear as gentle and trustworthy as possible. It wasn’t that hard considering he’d decided he’d be devoting a long time to making sure Jude felt safe and sound, when that had ended up happening he didn’t want to think about. 

“Hmm, yeah. I promise. You mind if we get coffee or something before we have to go to work?.” Jude looked up with pleading eyes, clearly trying to change the topic and move on with their day. 

“Why do you think I didn't already make it? I knew you’d be craving that shitty coffee.” Gavi said, not even trying to sound anything less than utterly enamoured. If Jude was aware of the effect he had managed to have on Gavi, he was taking full advantage of it now. 

“Thank you.” he said, before getting up to get properly ready so that they could both go to work. Jude had a training session to attend and Gavi had far more pressing matters to think about than washing the dishes. 

“Your boy is staring at you.” Camavinga says, just when Jude is getting halfway through his sandwich. They’re sitting in the lounging room having lunch, far-away from the chaos and noise of the cafeteria. 

When Jude looks behind him in Gavi’s direction, turning his head despite his teammate’s insistence to not, Gavi is indeed staring directly at him, not even trying to hide it. The first thing that comes to Jude’s mind is to smile and wave at him, getting a mere nod in return. A few months ago, he’d have thought Gavi was ignoring him, but now he knows that he’s definitely trying his hardest to suppress a smile. The tiny quirk of his lips going up that Jude catches for a second is enough to have him satisfied enough to go back to talking to Cama. 

“What the hell was that?.” he questions, looking absolutely bewildered at how they managed to have a conversation without even saying anything, apart from Jude’s hyperactive tendencies. 

“What? It’s his job to stare at me, you know?” Jude shrugs, even if he’s sure the warmth on his cheeks and how hot they suddenly feel isn’t just because they’re sitting in front of direct sunlight. 

“You didn’t deny that he’s your boy.” Cama tries again and this time Jude stutters a bit before settling on a comeback. 

“What, just like Tchou is your boy?” That shuts him right up, both of them furiously red for people who’d finished their training sessions hours ago and were on lunch break now. For god knows what reason, Jude is the one that speaks again, convincing himself that in Cama’s case his paranoia would be just that, unreasonable paranoia. 

“I’m kind of staying with him now, just to be safe.” Jude admits, not finding it that hard to do so to the only other person he’d shared everything with. 

“And not your stupid mansion worth millions? Wow, you must like being around him.” Jude does shove him this time and when he looks back, Gavi is still looking intently in his direction as if he’s keeping an eye on Jude and racking his brain for clues all at the same time. He doesn’t resist the smile that creeps up on his face. 

Turns out, trying to keep track of all the staff members and people going in and out of a football club worth billions was harder than it looked on paper. Even though he’d already asked for most of the staff member’s portfolios from the security team and racked through them with their help, it was a lot more useful to be present and look for things in their surroundings. 

Especially all the people Jude liked to surround himself with. When Gavi had first proposed the idea of whether it could potentially be a teammate, Jude had shut it down so vehemently that he hadn’t brought that up again for another week. It made more sense to start doing his own research too if Jude wasn’t gonna let him ask questions. 

From what he could tell, Jude got along with Brahim and Camavinga even though his Spanish wasn’t the best yet. It didn’t matter because they mostly communicated in nods and hugs anyway, all three of them too touchy for their own good. Whenever Camavinga was around, Tchoumeni seemed to come along too as a package deal. Gavi couldn’t confidently say he’d seen Jude be with a friendship group and stick with them the next day, much like how he’d been when Gavi had first gotten there. 

Observing all of Jude’s teammates gave almost nothing away, at least nothing that could be incriminating enough for them to be considered suspicious. They were all busy in their own worlds, if not working towards the same goal they all had. They’d have to be insanely stupid too to try and sabotage their own teammate and something told Gavi that none of them were malicious—or smart— enough to do that. 

After that, it made sense to move on to assessing the photographers and stylists that they stayed around. But, that was only during photo shoots and when they had to shoot content. Gavi didn’t think they nearly interacted enough with Jude to dig up and notice personal things about him, at least enough to threaten him. Even if Gavi knew it could be anyone, from the texts he’d seen, it was definitely someone who had access to Jude in order to notice the small things about him and blackmail him with them. 

The only reason Gavi had probably noticed was because he stayed around Jude enough to notice the small things too, which only left the physios . 

Gavi hadn’t particularly thought about doubting them at first, along with Jude’s insistence that he trusted them, even if he did spend the most time around them. Whether they were around him the most though, didn’t matter. What mattered was that their job enabled them to know things about Jude that no one else would know with a naked eye, granting them access to his body at all times even. 

Even then, he hadn’t particularly doubted any of them, until he’d seen one of them typing brazenly on his phone while standing outside the door, the same time he’d gotten a text from Jude

jude

hey

you’re standing outside right

gavi

hmm yeah?

you always ask me to stay outside no

jude

yeah yeah

im aware

can u like

come in

gavi

you okay?

jude

stressed?

getting texts i dont really wanna be alone in here

i mean i'm not but

you know

gavi

okay okay dont worry i’m coming inside

jude

thanks

<3

The first thing that hit him once he walked into the physio room was the smell of disinfectant in the air. It wasn’t just Jude there either, a couple of his teammates laying down in the huge room, with their main physiotherapists tending to them. Some of them were even laying down and taking a nap. 

Immediately after entering the room, he’d spotted Jude on one of the makeshift beds, laying down as his physiotherapist—a guy named Raul— was assessing his ankle. It looked a lot more swollen than it had even a few days ago, a frankly annoying reminder of the 2-2 draw Madrid had ended up with against Girona, when Jude’s ankle had twisted slightly. 

From what Gavi knew, if the pain persisted before their next match then Jude would be getting painkiller injections the day before. It looked like he was being assessed for that now when Gavi walked up to him and leaned against the wall, trying his best to make sure he fit into the room instead of standing out. 

Jude didn’t say anything after seeing him, too busy looking at his ankle with a slight pout on his lips, already dreading the idea of potentially having to miss any matches. What he did do was stare up at him, probably wanting some sort of comfort that maybe his ankle didn’t look swollen enough. The only thing Gavi could offer in exchange was a sympathetic wince. 

He did end up looking away when Jude’s physio was talking to him personally, wanting to give them a little bit of space, and more importantly wanting to look around and absorb his surroundings. The guy he’d seen outside was here now, and he probably hadn’t been that far behind from Gavi in the first place. He couldn’t pinpoint whose personal physio he was, because he’d been floating around all of them, until eventually settling in on Jude’s, putting an arm around Raul after seeing that he was done talking to Jude. 

This time, unlike before, Gavi did feel like he was intruding, as if the new guy was intimidated enough by his presence to keep looking back and forth between Jude and him. He only seemed to really focus on Jude when Raul started talking. 

“You’re up a little bit of weight from last week, what’s up?” He gave Jude a strict look, even if it didn’t seem to have much malice behind it at all. 

“Ah, kinda been eating like shit this past week. I’ll fix it.” Jude looked up at him sheepishly before flickering his gaze towards Gavi for a minute. 

“You better. Been keeping up with your gym work at least, right?” Another glare which only made Jude look down. The little makeshift gym they’d managed to create in Gavi’s apartment was probably nothing compared to the one at Jude’s house, but it should have been enough. 

Before Jude could say anything though, the other guy whose name Gavi didn’t know piped up from behind, “He’s just trying to keep you on your toes. You’re only 1.5 kg up, it's not that big of a difference, just be a bit more careful now.” 

Even though that only seemed to make Jude sigh in relief, something started twisting in Gavi’s gut watching the whole interaction play out, especially noting how Jude wasn’t getting any texts anymore the moment Gavi had stepped inside. 

“Do you want to go and get me something sweet to eat?” Jude says immediately after getting in the car, in the passenger seat next to Gavi, after he was finally done with all the things he had to do for the day. It felt more like a weight lifted off of Gavi’s shoulders than his. 

“Didn’t you just get scolded for that?” Gavi said, feeling awfully embarrassed at how he couldn’t just talk to Jude normally without warmth seeping into his voice. 

“Yeah, so what? I can start tomorrow.” Jude shrugged, keeping his eyes level on Gavi’s the entire time, almost daring him to not give into his demands, already knowing it wouldn’t happen anyway. 

“You know they’re gonna fire me at this rate for how much I indulge you, right?” Gavi said, even if he’d already started driving out of the sports centre.

“So? I can still keep you around, can’t I? Anyways, I want waffles.” Jude said while laying his head against the window while plugging in his playlist, a mix of songs that he liked and Gavi had requested him to play. Turns out, he was a lot more willing to take recommendations after the first few weeks after all. 

It didn’t take long after that for Gavi to find the spot Jude liked, the one he’d been raving about and probably craving for weeks and get out of the car to place an order for him, already knowing the kind of toppings Jude liked; chocolatey with ice cream on top. Maybe a little cherry on top if he was feeling fancy. 

The gasp that Jude let out when he saw Gavi walking in with waffles with ice cream and a cherry to top it off definitely made the extra couple of euros he’d spent worth it, Jude already waiting in the backseat by the time he came back. It was Jude’s money he was using anyway. 

“Wow, and I didn’t even have to call you in the middle to tell you what I wanted.” Jude exclaimed, as if that wasn’t a daily occurrence between them anyway. It was a little rewarding anyway, to take care of someone who gave their genuine reaction to every single thing he did, even in the smallest ways. 

They scooched closely together in the backseat, Jude balancing the little container on his lap while Gavi settled in, only to start attacking the waffle the moment he did. 

“You need to grab a spoon or else I’m going to eat this whole thing.” Jude said with a mischievous glint on his face, giggling in the middle of chewing. 

“Try it with the ice cream first.” Gavi instructed, trying to resist the urge to grab the spoon and feed Jude himself. Instead, Jude took the spoon he was eating with, cut up a piece of the waffle and put some ice cream on top of it before hovering it in front of Gavi’s mouth, offering him a bite. He accepted it immediately, nodding along until Jude was finally satisfied enough with his reaction to continue eating himself. 

Right when they were almost done with the dessert, Jude looked up at Gavi, swallowing the mouthful of food he was already chewing before sheepishly asking a question, “Do you mind if I ask you something?.” 

Gavi looked up at Jude, who was looking down into his eyes and lolling back and forth as if he was itching to lay his head on his shoulder, even if he didn’t want to admit it. He offered his shoulder, giving Jude the choice to lean down and curl into a ball so that he could put his head on his shoulder—which he accepted readily—before humming as if to say yes. 

“What made you want to be a bodyguard? Or work in security, I guess.” Jude asked, looking sheepish for reasons that Gavi really didn’t understand, even pulling his sleeves down a little to cover his hands. 

“Hmm? There was a very specific moment actually, but why are you suddenly curious?” 

“Just cause. Feels like I never ask you anything and it’s always just me talking.” Ah , so that’s why he’d looked sheepish. 

“Well, I don’t mind telling you. It sounds a little cinematic if I say it like this but my dad took me to watch this match once. I think it was a Barcelona derby? Anyways, after half-time, there was a pitch invader and he ended up stabbing one of the players.” Jude’s gasp was immediate, eyes widening along with it like he was trying to rack his brain to remember when that moment could have taken place. 

“And that’s what made you want to work in this field?.” 

“Kind of. I remember I felt very useless at that moment. And I never wanted to feel that way again,” Gavi said, eyeing Jude for his reaction who looked like he was measuring his words in order to decide what to say. 

He reached his hand out, putting it on top of Gavi’s, the sudden change of temperature making him jolt a little before he started speaking, “Well, you’re not useless to me right now so don’t worry.” 

“You think? Kinda feels like I am though.” Gavi admitted, leaning into Jude’s touch with one of his hands reaching up to rake through his hair. 

“Definitely not. Even if you can’t fix this mess for me atleast I don’t feel as alone anymore.” Jude said, all semblance of sheepishness gone from his voice, like he really did mean everything he was saying. 

“Ah, well. I’m glad I can make you feel that way.” Gavi responds, a little awkwardly, “What happened to the boy you were kissing in that picture?” 

This time, Jude does chuckle almost sarcastically, “I wish I could remember. You can’t even see his face in the picture, just mine.” 

Gavi winces at that, before they fall into a comfortable silence again, until he’s the one who eventually breaks it anyway, “What made you want to become a footballer?” 

“Dad used to play and take me and my brother with him every single day. I wasn’t interested at all at first but when I started doing it, he used to get this look in his eyes? Kind of got obsessed with wanting to get that reaction out of him every time.” Jude admitted, a little starry eyed as if he was remembering good memories that he wouldn’t mind reminiscing forever. 

“So, to make your parents proud then?” Gavi asked, lightly scratching Jude’s neck in the way he liked, in the spot that didn’t make him ticklish but feel relaxed instead. 

“Maybe when I was younger, after that it just felt safe, you know? Like I was totally in control of whatever I did in those 90 mins.” Jude said, his eyelashes fluttering a little as he leaned into Gavi’s touch, jutting his forehead out and staring at him with wide eyes, almost as if he was expecting—or, craving really— a kiss on his forehead. 

Gavi didn’t know why, but in that moment, he reached down and planted his lips on Jude’s forehead. Who was he to deny him of anything when he was looking up at him like that?. 

What happens after that, simultaneously feels like a spur of the moment thing and something he’d been waiting to do for a long time. This time, when he grabs Jude’s chin with his finger and inches him closer, he knows what he wants to do. And he knows it when his hands inch towards his waist, underneath his shirt and towards the waistband of his underwear. 

And Jude must feel it too, because he gives in immediately, even if the way he gasps for air when Gavi’s lips meet his is almost violent; immediate and quick until his body gets used to the way Gavi’s hands are all over it and his brain catches up. 

“Fuck,” is the only thing that comes out of Jude’s lips, in that moment and for a long long time as Gavi kisses him breathless, figuratively and literally. It makes his chest beat in a way that it only does after he’s ran the entirety of the field during a match, a release and windup all at once. 

“Stop, stop.” The next thing that comes out of Jude’s mouth is a plea and Gavi is so taken aback that he almost doesn’t register it at first, wonders if he’s hallucinating, this whole thing and that moment, until Jude speaks again. “You’re not gonna regret this, are you?” 

It feels a little ridiculous, considering Gavi is sitting on Jude’s lap, clearly hard already just from the little bit of contact between them. It isn’t so much that the contact is minimal but rather that Gavi wants to do so many things to Jude’s body that this much doesn’t feel like anything at all, barely scratching the surface of all the ways in which Jude could come undone under him. But, as he looks into Jude’s eyes though, he knows that it’s a very real question, something they can’t just push to the side. 

“Yes, obviously. I promise. I could never regret this.” He feels breathless as he says it, as if the break from kissing had made his brain catch up to how struck he really was. 

“No, pinky promise it.” Jude looks up, fully serious with his eyes as sincere as they were mere minutes ago. Gavi can’t help the laugh that bursts out of his chest, every inch of him fully enamoured with the boy in front of him. 

“Pinky promise,” he says, hooking his finger together with Jude’s who finally seems content enough to go back to kissing, pulling Gavi by the collar this time and letting him do whatever he wants with him. 

It’s a little risky, stupid even, to be doing this considering everything that had already happened. But, somehow in that moment with Gavi’s hand running up and down his waist while he went from making his way over to his neck from his lips, Jude felt safe . 

The stark difference, in being around Jude in separate rooms and waking up in the same bed as him was so jarring that it almost made Gavi flinch, if not for how warm his entire body felt because of how Jude is pressed against it. He’s so close that it’s hard for Gavi to even move without waking him up, their limbs all tangled together in a way that feels just right, that has him wondering why he was ever holding back in the first place. 

It’s a good thing that Jude is a heavy sleeper—except for all the nights he’s too stressed out and wound up to fall asleep in the first place—because it’s hard not to stare at the smooth skin peeking out from under his hoodie, and the stretch marks accompanying it. It’s even harder to resist the urge to touch, and kiss them so that it’s what Jude wakes up to. So, he doesn’t resist, letting himself take everything in before he reaches close to mark every inch of Jude’s concave stomach with kisses. 

After the first couple of minutes, he does wake up, definitely too sleep deprived to realise exactly what’s happening but not enough to register that he likes it, could get used to it even. 

“Good morning.” Jude says, and it’s a little funny how much deeper his accent is when he’s just woken up, or when he doesn’t care to hide it. It makes Gavi giggle, so he does despite Jude’s confusion. 

“Good morning, slept well?.” Gavi replies, taking in Jude’s puffy eyes and ruffled up hair. His own bed hair is definitely worse but Jude doesn’t point that out. 

“Hmm, yeah. What’s so funny?.” Jude only asks in response, already whining with not enough filter to even hide it. Or, maybe he’s just gotten comfortable enough now that this is just what their dynamic entails. 

“Nothing. You’re cute, that’s all.” That does seem to make Jude smile, despite all the insistence even a few seconds ago that he was being made fun of. He turns around from his spot underneath Gavi’s arm and moves to face him instead. 

“Do I get an actual kiss now or is that just reserved for my abs?” Jude jokes, face so close towards Gavi’s that he can practically see every single pore and eyelash. 

“Depends? Your abs don’t exactly have morning breath, do they?” Gavi says, not even trying to hide the giddiness in his voice at even the simplest conversations. He highly doubts he’s been able to hide it for some time now anyway. 

“Fuck you? Your morning breath is worse than mine.” It’s a little cute how the dumbest things seem to get Jude all riled up, but Gavi also finds the way he scrunches up his nose and clenches his fist everytime they kiss adorable. So, he indulges him anyway, hooking his chin up in order to kiss him. 

Considering how Jude is much taller than him in actuality, it should be the exact opposite. But, Jude had long established the fact that he liked curling in on himself and making himself as small as possible so he could be held. It would be a little funny—the image of it— if Gavi didn’t think he was unbearably adorable. 

There’s nothing except the sound of Gavi’s lips on Jude’s for a few minutes, and how his hands inevitably trail all the way to his waist, until Jude pulls away and looks into his eyes, “What happens after we stop kissing? Is this the part where you realise you regret this whole thing after all?” 

And Gavi is so taken aback for a second he’s sure it reflects in his face, all wide eyes and parted lips because Jude looks away too, probably too scared of what he’ll see reflected back. He collects himself, before hooking up Jude’s chin again and pulling him back in for another kiss, “No, this is the part where you go and try to make breakfast while I brush my teeth and then we eat together and do whatever you want the rest of the day.” 

It’s not a lot, but it’s a promise and it seems to appease Jude because he leans into the kiss, not pointing out that he absolutely should not be trusted with making breakfast alone. 

“I kissed him.” He’s not sure when he even calls Aurora let alone let the words slip out of his mouth but he’s sitting there on the toilet seat when she picks up on the first ring. 

“Excuse me?” Aurora exclaims, but she doesn’t question who. If his sister is even a fraction of how smart he thinks she is she’ll know immediately it’s Jude, at least from how much time Gavi has spent complaining about him only to later find all those very traits adorable. Ironic. 

“Jude Bellingham.” Gavi admits, even though he can practically visualise the way his sister rolls her eyes even from the phone. 

“No, I realised that. How?” she asks and she doesn’t need to elaborate further for Gavi to understand that what she really means is what the hell happened to his whole thing about wanting to be professional and not lose his head. He doesn’t know what happened to that either. 

“I was supposed to drive him home and then he wanted waffles and it just….it just happened. I don’t know.” Even as he says it, Gavi already knows he’ll get teased for it. But, it doesn’t really matter. He’d seen firsthand how Aurora acted when she liked someone too. 

“Wow, I guess you finally fulfilled your dream of kissing a footballer. Even if it’s not Jesus Nevas.” 

“Fuck you.” Gavi says but there’s no bite to his words. He can’t even fight the smile that’s forming on his face as Aurora laughs in the back. 

“Do you regret it?” she asks, and it’s a complete change in tone from the lighthearted way she was speaking mere minutes ago. It doesn’t catch Gavi off guard though, he’d expected it really. 

“Not really.” He doesn’t have to think much about answering that and saying no to that question. If anything, when he’d kissed Jude, he’d never been in a clearer state of mind like that before, which is why it makes sense when Aurora tells him that there’s no problem then, and also why he says goodbye to her soon afterwards only to find Jude in the kitchen scraping a half burnt piece of toast near the dustbin to get rid of the burnt bits. 

The sight in front of him makes his stomach do somersaults in a way that’s a little embarrassing, if not completely; like he could really get used to this. But, he doesn’t mind. And Jude must not either because he opens his arms immediately after seeing Gavi and sits down on the tabletop after suffocating him for a while, so that he can sit down and watch as Gavi makes breakfast. 

The only thing that Gavi had gravely underestimated about this whole thing, was how hard he’d have to work to keep up with his nonchalant attitude or work, or rather figure out how to stop his fondness for Jude from seeping into every interaction when his whole job revolved around being with him all the time. 

He’d realised it was going to be a problem the moment he’d had to stop in the middle of the street while driving Jude to practise, because of the countless amount of fans surrounding them and because Jude wanted to stop. In all fairness this was part of their daily routine by now, but seeing Jude’s eyes go wide everytime a little baby came upto him wearing his shirt and wanting an autograph was still adorable to see. 

And he very well couldn’t smile at him the entire time while he signed autographs, unless he wanted people to stop and ask Jude who his friend was again. Jude had still said that he liked those ones more than people sliding into his DMs and asking him who the hot guy parading him around all the time was. So much for being discreet. 

It was harder when he had to watch him train, unable to focus on anything but the way his thighs moved, and the way his skin glistened when he was sweating. The fact that Jude was looking back every single time he looked should have made it better. It only made it worse. 

Gavi had always prided himself on his poker face, the complete opposite of Jude who wore all his emotions on his sleeve. Except, he couldn’t really keep a straight face anymore when he stumbled upon Jude in the break room finally, after looking for him for ages. It was time to leave, the afternoon training session already over yet Jude was nowhere near where he usually waited for Gavi. And he wasn’t responding to his texts either. 

“You sure you’re allowed to eat that?” Gavi said, peeking into the room and entering it after seeing Jude leaning against one of the tables with a pack of M&Ms in his hand, popping them restlessly into his mouth. He regretted it immediately though, seeing the look on Jude’s face after seeing him. 

“Don’t make fun of me.” Jude stated, a lot more seriously and a lot less whiny than he normally sounded. It didn’t matter whether it made sense after that to shut the door and hug Jude, he did it anyway. 

“Hey, hey. I’m sorry, you okay?” Gavi tried to reassure him by rubbing his back again and again. Jude, though he seemed a bit apprehensive at first leaned into the touch pretty quickly, burying his head into Gavi’s shoulder. 

“Not really,” Jude admitted before pulling Gavi closer, if that was even possible, as if he was trying to drown into his arms and escape from everything going on. Gavi let him hug him for as long as he needed to before he could finally get something out of him, anything that would indicate exactly what had happened. Not that you needed to be a genius to figure out. 

Once he did end up telling Gavi—or rather showing him— he almost wished he didn’t because it made him want to throw up immediately. It was a barrage of texts on Jude’s phone, which wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary if they didn’t mention Gavi. Whoever this person was, genuinely wanted to destroy Jude’s life and not just get money out of him. Not that he hadn’t done enough of that already anyway. 

The fact that the people around Jude had somehow let it get to this point made it all the more frustrating, and it wasn’t even like they hadn’t tried. They had, and it still wasn’t enough because here Jude was, still stressed out of his mind in the same situation. 

“I think it’s definitely someone who works here, this just confirms it right?” Gavi said, slowly and gently because he could feel the headache Jude was having right now from miles away. He didn’t say anything when Jude continued popping more candy in his mouth instead of responding. 

“I only told Cama that I’m living with you. He wouldn’t tell anyone, he wouldn’t .” Jude shook his head over and over and said, more aimed towards himself than at Gavi. The urge to grab his face and kiss him to calm him down then and there was almost suffocating but he knew he couldn’t do that, whether they were being watched or not. 

“Baby, I’m not saying that he did. But, it has to be someone that’s around you all the time because this doesn’t make sense otherwise.” Gavi tried. 

“Yeah, I get that too now. I’m not that dumb.” Jude said in response before leaning his head on Gavi’s shoulder and offering him the M&Ms. He grabbed the packet and put it beside him so that it wouldn’t stress Jude out anymore. 

“You think it could be one of the physios?” Gavi urges, just to see if Jude’s reaction could give off any clues. 

“What makes you say that?.” Jude only questions him further instead of actually giving anything away, probably not wanting to consider the idea of someone fully tasked with taking care of his body being the one behind this. 

“The other day when I was with you there was this one physio acting really weird. The one that was defending you against your main one.” Gavi said, rubbing the palm of Jude’s hands over and over again to make him feel some kind of comfort. Instead, Jude recoiled and looked at him. 

“You think? That’s Vini’s physio.” he said, only getting a look from Gavi urging him to go on. “You know how stuff gets leaked sometimes right? When I was supposed to play the UCL final I got injections for my knee but it leaked the day of. The club told me that stuff like that happens and it wasn’t that big of a deal either to me at that moment so I didn’t make a fuss.” 

“Ah, you think he had anything to do with that?” Gavi asked, practically seeing the dots connect in Jude’s head. 

“I can’t be sure. But I saw him lurking outside when I was done because he said Vini needed to get something looked at.” 

“But he didn’t, right?.” 

“Right, I never asked.” Jude stated, looking a lot more frustrated with himself and this whole situation than with Gavi. At the fact that he wasn’t careful enough in the first place to get himself into this stupid situation. It made him want to cry a little but the only thing he could do was hold Gavi’s hand tightly and let him caress his. 

“It’s not your fault, don’t worry. I’ll figure this out, okay?” Even if Gavi couldn’t kiss Jude then and there, he could bring his hand up and plant a small kiss there, anything to make him feel even the tiniest bit better. 

After that, Gavi took him home, avoiding their usual route so they could take the more complicated one just to be safe. It was only after eating dinner, or rather Gavi cooking Jude whatever he wanted to eat that they sat down and actually started analysing and thinking about what to do. Jude didn’t want to be the one to do it, too personally attached to look at them himself, so Gavi took up the responsibility of going through any articles about him recently to see whether they could get any hints. 

It was only when they stumbled upon an article about Jude’s “bad lifestyle” from weeks ago that sounded way too reminiscent of the conversation they’d had in the physio room that day that Gavi became sure of his doubts. After that, it was only a matter of luring him in, which involved Gavi having to respond to his texts this time instead. 

It’s during the Super Cup really, when everything comes crashing down, all at once. 

If Gavi were to think back on it, he’s sure he wouldn’t even be able to remember anything that happened during the actual game, from how they played to what was going on, the only indication that they’d lost being the scoreboard he remembers seeing while he was sat in Florentino Perez’s office. 

What he does remember, are the days leading up to it and just how stressed Jude had been, everything from the way the team was playing to the threats he was getting being far too overwhelming for him to deal with. Except, Gavi was the one dealing with responding to them now. It was clear that the person on the other side could tell too, because of just how much more agitated and irrational the texts were getting, like they hadn’t even considered someone caring enough about Jude to step in like this. 

The club knew but the person on the other side also seemed to realise that if anything, Jude was dispensable to them. Sure, it’d hurt them and their reputation but they could get rid of him and get it over with just as quickly. The person who had the most to lose here was Jude. Good thing, Gavi didn’t consider him all that dispensable. 

The more erratic the texts got, the more obvious it was that they planned on doing something outrageous. And what was more outrageous than trying to ruin Jude’s life during one of the biggest matches they had, a trophy at stake in an otherwise dry season, against their biggest rival at that. 

Gavi didn’t remember much from the actual game, because he was far too busy focusing on Jude, and all the ways his thoughts were probably eating him alive. Maybe, that’s why it didn’t take him long to understand that someone else was doing the same. 

After halftime, with the score being 1-1, it felt a little bit as if everything was moving in slow motion. Nothing about that had anything to do with the game, atleast for Gavi. It made sense for all the staff members to go back with the rest of the team after the whistle blew, except one of them hadn’t . Vini’s physio, who Gavi had later found out was a guy named Alejandro—tall and broad with a thick Castilian accent and eyes too hollow for Gavi to ever feel comfortable looking into—hadn’t followed them back inside. 

No one else seemed to notice, probably because he wasn’t exactly needed at the moment or an important enough figure to be noticed if not there. The perfect cover up really. That’s why it made sense to follow him, even if his brain was screaming at him to go check on Jude. The only thought that comforted him was that he was probably too high on adrenaline to think about anything but the match right now, the same way Gavi couldn’t think about anything other than following Alejandro. 

If everything seemed to be moving in slow motion before, it was the exact opposite now once he realised he’d followed the taller man to one of the broadcast rooms, atleast judging from all the computers on the wall and electronic devices that Gavi couldn’t recognise. Either way, there was no way this could be good. 

The guy was holding a pendrive in his hand and Gavi had no idea how he’d even managed to slip in this far without anyone realising, whether that included bribing people on the way or just a stroke of sheer luck. Or, being psychotic enough that he’d planned this out perfectly for months now. 

Somehow, seeing him walk upto the computer setup from the spot he’d been peeping through instantly activated Gavi’s fight or flight mode, as he barged into the room and tackled the man. Even if he was bigger than Gavi, he sure as hell wasn’t more technical or smarter than him seeing the way he was squirming to get away from his grip, desperately flailing to get the pendrive back that had fallen into on the floor. 

After that, a few things simultaneously happen, just as Gavi is about to reach for the pendrive, the guy takes whatever advantage he can manipulate out of their positioning and flips him so that Gavi is on the floor instead, even with the pen drive in his hand. It’s not hard to tell what he wants to do here, even if he’s woefully unqualified to do so. So, Gavi grits his teeth and tries to keep focus when the guy pushes him face down to the floor so that they’re not eye to eye. 

But, he’s stupid enough to think that in itself is enough to destabilise Gavi because the moment he reaches up to grab a chair and actually hit him, Gavi has already snatched out a long thick cable wire that’s plugged into a power plug, getting up to go choke him with it and eventually tie his hands with them so that he can’t move. 

In all of this, the pendrive is still in Gavi’s hands, and that’s how he ends up in Florentino Perez’s office. 

The only thing Jude remembers from the game, is looking into his teammate’s eyes after they’d conceded the first goal and instead of seeing confidence reflected back like he’d done the past season, he just sees resignation. His thoughts at that moment are enough to make him feel the craziest deja vu, that this could end up getting really embarrassing. Last year, it hadn’t ended that way, this year it does, despite the goal that they’d scored. 

The scoreline ends up being 3-1, slightly better than the 4-0 battering at home that they’d gotten the last time they’d faced Barcelona, but still not enough . And he hadn’t even had the time for the defeat to settle in because he’d realised after the halftime whistle that Gavi was gone, and that was when he’d fully lost focus. 

Maybe a slightly younger Jude would have been beating himself up over his mistakes, but right now he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not with everyone going on, and not with one person he always found looking back every time he looked in his direction being out of his periphery. He almost wants to fall to the floor and cry when he can’t even do that, because he’s getting called to the President’s office. 

The post match talk from the coach had barely just ended, and with Gavi being gone too, a pit settled at the bottom of Jude’s stomach. Whatever this was, it didn’t possibly feel like it was going to be good. The pit in his stomach only deepened when he opened the door to reveal a very pissed off Florentino Perez and Gavi next to him with a bruise on his face, already feeling like he was about to lurch. 

“What happened?” Jude couldn’t hold back the barrage of questions he had after seeing Gavi, razor focused on the bruise on his face to notice anything else. 

“Sit down.” Perez demanded instead, not even referring to him by name. Even if he was a strict man, usually he atleast had the decency to call Jude by his name. Or, maybe he was just too pissed off now to actually say anything. 

What happened after that, felt entirely too surreal for Jude to even register. He was sure the only reason he was still standing—or sitting down—was because of all the adrenaline. The door opened, to reveal Alejandro—one of the physios Gavi kept bringing up— in handcuffs accompanied by the police. 

“You’ve made a right mess, haven’t you?” Perez said immediately after he entered the room, even if he was still looking at Jude. If the man was mad at Jude for being stupid, he couldn’t exactly blame him. Jude had spent enough time blaming himself to be upset at the slightest provocation now. 

“He’s the guy. I’ve been telling you.” Gavi spoke up from behind, throwing daggers at the guy in front of him with his gaze. Jude wasn’t sure if he wanted to know exactly what had happened for all of them to come to that conclusion, but clearly it’d ended up with Perez getting to see the picture after Jude had tried his level best for that not to happen. He couldn’t say he was regretful if it ended up with the guy getting caught. 

“Apologise to him.” The president said, looking at Alejandro this time then back at Jude, his voice being the only thing to make Jude actually snap back to reality. 

“I’m not going to apologise. This wasn’t supposed to happen, he wasn’t supposed to be there,” was the only thing that he stupidly gritted out. Jude wasn’t particularly sure of what exactly Perez was going to do with him, but it didn’t seem good judging from his gaze. It made him feel like the anger wasn’t placed toward him entirely atleast. 

“Good thing he was, otherwise this could have gone very bad.” he said before motioning for the police to take away the guy. After that, a long lecture followed that Jude didn’t even fully remember, mixed in with talks of what the guy was planning to do here today and what would have happened if Gavi hadn’t been there, how they’d send the police to search his house and all his devices to make sure that he didn’t have any copies left and how the actual pendrive had been destroyed now. 

It gave Jude a headache, even as he heard it all, let alone think about how they were going to deal with all this. If anything, they seemed annoyed at him too for not being fully transparent before, but he didn’t particularly think he could be blamed when he didn’t even know who he could trust, let alone whether he’d be protected or not. 

Another long lecture about privacy and how to protect his had ended with Perez having the last word, “Make sure this never, and I mean never happens again. It won’t take me even a second to replace you.” 

“It won’t. I’ll make sure of it.” Gavi is the one who responds, already knowing Jude wouldn’t be able to string a single word out of himself tonight, atleast not in front of everyone. Even if it’s not much, that response seems to be enough to calm down Perez, enough for him to finally decide to leave the room, and everyone along with him. With how the season was going and the fact that they’d just lost a trophy, the bullshit that Jude had pulled wasn’t the last of his worries anyway. 

It seems to be the only thing on Gavi’s mind though because immediately after they’re gone, he comes closer and wraps Jude into a hug, the tightest he’s ever given him. Jude wishes he could savour it instead of focusing on how Gavi has a giant bruise on his cheek. 

“You okay? Does this hurt? Want me to get ice?” Jude doesn’t care that he’s practically hounding Gavi because this heart is beating so fast he thinks he’ll die if he doesn’t get to know the answer, and Gavi seems to be used to it by now too because he only smiles before smoothing down the furrow of Jude’s brow. 

“I’m okay, I promise. It looks worse than it is. That guy was not stronger than me.” That does manage to make Jude want to crush him into a hug, so he does, matching the tenacity he’d been given a few seconds ago even if he’s sure it all just turns to warmth instead the moment his skin touches Gavi’s. 

“It’s over now, isn’t it?” Jude speaks finally, after he’s crushed Gavi into an embrace long enough for his skin to feel hot to the touch. He’s not even sure what he’s actually talking about, whether its relief or apprehension about what’s to come, or everything all at once

“Yeah, but I’m still here. Don’t worry.” Gavi simply says in response, readily offering the exact comfort that Jude needs, as if it’s on the tip of his tongue already, built in with nowhere else to go except for seeping out of everything he does, from the way he touches him to the way he looks at him. 

So, Jude does. He relaxes into Gavi’s touch and lets him rub his palms until he feels calm enough to actually breathe and go home, until he’s wound up again thinking of all the times his positioning wasn’t quite correct or all the chances he missed. Even that, he eventually calms down from when he realises, while sitting in Gavi’s apartment, that he can worry about stupid shit like that now, instead of all the ways in which his life would be ruined every single day. 

That he had the privilege now of sitting in the home that they’d built with the boy he’d fallen in love with, and worry about what stupid show they’d be watching while eating dinner as Jude complained about how awfully they’d played instead of all the ways in which he’d lose that very boy if anything bad happened. 

Because the boy he loved, clearly actually loved him back and wanted to be here , even when he could choose not to. Because the thing he’d chosen was Jude, and the only thing that Jude had to do for it was be unapologetically himself and trust him enough to be able to fall into his arms without worrying about anything else but how he felt when their bodies touched.