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Mielke was making a speech, something about the protests when all of a sudden people started yelling at him.
Geh zum Teufel!
Deine Schuld!
Go to jail, you evil monster!
Mielke has been plagued by this memory ever since the wall fell. It appeared in many forms, as a nightmare, as a flashback, and in written form. He didn't know when it would stop, he didn't know IF it would stop.
He looked down at his speeches, trying to calm down as he delivered the last words. His breathing was rapid and deep, and he was about to cry, not for dramatic effect, he was really about to cry.
The crowd began to shout death threats, making Mielke's breathing shallower and erratic. Mielke thought he was going to die; he felt like he was suffocating and that he couldn't breathe.
He looked around frantically for support, his whole body shaking as he tried to take deep breaths. BITTE LASS ES AUFHOREN.
"Y-Yes, we have contact, l-let me tell y-you why-" Mielke managed to gasp out.
Then someone interrupted him.
"There are more people sitting in this Chamber than just your Comrades!" interrupted one of the Volkskammer members, Dietmar Czok, as the entire chamber erupted in cheers, yelling "We are not your comrades!"
Mielke suddenly burst into tears, the crowd cheering and yelling louder than before. He tried to beg for the crowd to stop, but his panic attack made it impossible for him to breathe.
The crowd started laughing at Mielke, and his breathing only quicker, he could barely focus on anything. He wanted it to shut up, but the crowd was so overwhelmingly loud, so deafening. The insults, the threats, his rapid breathing and his painful crying made it impossible to calm down.
Mielke fell to the floor, his speech forgotten on the podium.
"MURDERER!"
"WE ARE NOT YOUR COMRADES!"
"KILL YOURSELF!"
"GO TO HELL!"
Halt die klappe, halt die klappe halt die klappe HALT DIE KLAPPE HALT DIE KLAPPE HALT DIE KLAPPE!
Mielke woke with a start, drenched in sweat and hyperventilating uncontrollably. He tried to regulate his breathing, but nothing worked.
6 years have passed. 6 years since that speech. 6 years since he felt the humiliation. But he still felt the fear after those 6 years.