Chapter Text
Jongin looked himself over in the mirror for what must have been the fiftieth time. His outfit wasn't anything too special. He was wearing his favorite black skinny jeans, a plain white t-shirt, and his leather coat with the fabric hood. Really, it was pretty standard for him, so it was a wonder it took him a good five hours last night to decide what to wear.
His gaze moved to his hair. He'd been dying it a sort of medium-brown color for the last few years and he liked it a lot more than black. But as he ran his hands through it a couple times, he began to worry that it made him look too different to what he looked like when he was fourteen. Well, it was too late to change it now. He had to leave soon.
Finally, his eyes fell on the cross necklace sitting on his chest and his hand came up to cover it, fingers closing around it. He brought his hand to his lips, not really kissing it, just a brush. "Would you even remember me?" he whispered.
It was silly, he knew, to think the friendship he'd had with Taemin was something that could be forgotten. But eight years apart was a long time compared to the two years they had together, and the irrational worry still persisted.
Jongin's phone buzzed, alerting him it was time to go. A nervous excitement flooded his veins and he smiled, biting his lip. He was going to see SHINee. Live. In concert. The tickets hadn't been cheap. In fact, they were the most expensive ones available. Jongin had been hoping they'd have some sort of meet-and-greet option but they didn't. At least he'd be as close to the stage as humanly possible. It would be the closest he'd been to Taemin since they were kids.
The bus ride to the venue was the longest journey of his life. It was times like this that Jongin regretted not being able to drive, but it wasn't like he usually needed to in New York. His leg bounced uncontrollably from adrenaline and his thoughts were moving through his head at a mile a minute. He knew the odds of Taemin actually seeing him among the massive crowd were slim, but what if he did? When they'd been friends, people had often poked fun at them because they always somehow knew where the other person was. Like there was some sort of strange magnetism between them.
What if Taemin saw him?
Jongin's fingers found the cross around his neck once more and he closed his eyes. The truth was, he didn't know how Taemin would react. Maybe he wouldn't react at all. Maybe he'd just pretend Jongin didn't exist. To Jongin, that was the worst possible way Taemin could react, and one that was also very plausible.
No. Jongin's fingers clenched around the cross. He wasn't going to think about that.
The venue was already buzzing with excitement. Jongin pulled out his phone to look up the instructions for his ticket. He followed the indicated signs to the right queue and pulled out his badge from the inner pocket of his coat along with his ID. There was maybe three other guys waiting in line with him but the rest were girls.
Venue security scanned their badges and checked their IDs and concert staff passed out t-shirts and light sticks. Jongin went ahead and put the shirt on over his white one; he didn't have anywhere else to put it.
They were finally led inside a half hour later, their tickets granting them access to a special boxed in area just for them right along the stage and catwalk in the shape of an 'L'. Jongin was thrilled that there was more than enough room for them all to stand and move around comfortably. He was glad he splurged on the ticket.
The rest of the doors opened and the crowds began to stream in. Jongin bounced up and down on his the balls of his feet and listened to the conversations happening around him.
"Did you see Key's instagram this morning? His hair is pink again!"
"You realize we are going to see Minho up close right?"
"I hope Onew wears those pants again. They make his butt look so fucking good!"
"Is it too much to hope that Taemin and Jonghyun will do Internet War again? I can't get over it. It was so hot! Like, fuck me!"
"Taemin took his shirt off in LA! I hope he does here too!"
Jongin felt his face heating up. Taemin with his shirt off was something he tried to avoid thinking of in public. The entire ‘Ace’ concept had been too much.
Finally, the lights went down. The screams around Jongin were like nothing he ever heard before and he put the earplugs he brought in his ears. He pressed himself against the barrier in front of him and strained his eyes to try to figure out where look.
There they were, illuminated only by the large LED screen spanning the length of the stage behind them. And then the music started and Jongin felt like he got punched in the gut because it was ‘Replay’, which to this day was Jongin's favorite song. Because that was the Taemin he knew; the fourteen-year-old boy with the wide smile who loved to dance more than anything in the world.
Now he was suddenly faced with this Taemin: the tall young man with the tight white pants and the blonde hair who was standing on stage in front of him, and he was a stranger. And it hurt. Taemin was never supposed to be a stranger. Jongin was always supposed to know him. And he wanted to so badly. He wanted to know the beautiful man that fourteen-year-old boy had become.
Now it was just the impossible task of getting Taemin to see him.
God was against him; Jongin was sure of that. With every song, he hoped Taemin would wander over to dance or sing in front of him but it was always Jonghyun or Onew or Minho. Never Taemin. He'd picked the wrong side of the stage. Even from a distance though, everything about Taemin was stunning. Jongin still felt privileged he got to see as much of him as he did.
Jongin spent almost the whole concert pressed up against the barrier as the girls around him jumped and screamed and sang loudly in a poor but genuine attempt at Korean. It wasn't until ‘3 2 1’ that Jongin finally joined in, jumping and singing with them. He was at a SHINee concert, his first and possibly last, and he was going to enjoy it. Every now and then he let his eyes roam away from Taemin to the other members, even making brief eye-contact with Minho.
SHINee said goodbye and Jongin felt his chest bursting in pride. Out of the group, he’d only ever known Taemin well personally but he still felt a strong connection and love for the other members as well, having trained with them for a bit. The lights went down again and the crowd immediately started chanting for an encore, and Jongin joined in enthusiastically.
Suddenly there was a large security man and a woman who looked like concert staff standing in front of him. Jongin froze. He didn't think he did anything wrong.
Jongin was surprised when the woman spoke to him loudly over the crowd in Korean. "What's your name?"
He stared for a second then cleared his voice. "Kim Jongin," he shouted back.
The woman pointed at the security guard then shouted, "Find him when the encore is over. He will bring you backstage."
Jongin's eyes widened and he nodded. Back stage. He was going backstage. Did that mean somehow Taemin saw him?
The encore went by in a blur. Before long, the lights rose and and the people around him began to file out. Jongin snapped out of his fog and looked around for the security guard. He found him standing by where the rest of the people in his area were exiting.
When the last person had left, Jongin walked over the the guard, who motioned for Jongin to follow him.
The nerves Jongin felt before the concert were nothing compared to what he felt now. Up until this moment, the idea of seeing Taemin face-to-face, talking to him, had been entirely theoretical. Jongin breathed in and out deeply in an attempt to calm himself.
The guard led him down a hallway past dozens of staff all moving purposefully in different directions. They took about two more turns, which Jongin was sure he wouldn't remember later, before the guard stopped outside an open door. "Wait in here," he said gruffly in English.
"Thanks." Jongin stepped into the room. There wasn't really anything special about it; it looked like an unused green room. There was a table in the center with chairs and a line of mirrors in the back. Jongin went to sit in one of the chairs but found he couldn't sit still.
He paced back and forth, picking at his chapped lips and running his hands through his hair repeatedly. His thoughts were filled with nothing but an ongoing mantra of TaeminTaeminTaeminTaemin TAEMIN.
Suddenly there was a voice. "I thought that was you," someone said in Korean.
Jongin jumped and turned back towards the open door. It wasn't Taemin.
Minho smiled at him from the doorway. He was wearing black track pants and a gray shirt featuring the UK flag with the sleeves cut off. His hair was damp but it wasn't sweat so he must have taken a shower. He looked damn good.
"Hello," Jongin finally managed to say.
Minho chuckled and stepped into the room. “Hello." He walked past Jongin and took a seat on the table. He flipped a chair around and placed his feet on it, leaning forward on his elbows. "How have you been, Jongin?"
"Good," Jongin replied, confused.
"Are you still dancing?"
He nodded. "Newsies on Broadway."
“Congratulations! That’s great!”
As pleasant as Minho was trying to be, Jongin still couldn't help but look over his shoulder at the door.
"Taemin doesn't know you're here yet," Minho said. "I wanted to talk to you first."
"That sounds ominous."
Minho sighed and sat back, placing his hands behind him on the table as a brace. "Look, I don't know what happened between you two when you moved, I don't think Taemin's told anyone that," he paused and looked Jongin up and down. "But whatever happened, he blamed himself. It took him a long time to get over it. Actually, I'm not even sure he is."
Jongin froze. Taemin blamed himself? "What?"
"He didn't sleep much after you moved," Minho told him gently. "He would stare at his IM constantly. Eventually I asked him about it and he he started babbling about how he ruined everything."
"N...no," Jongin stammered. All this time he'd thought Taemin would be mad at him. After all, he's the one who froze. He's the one who didn't reply to Taemin's IM's when all Taemin had been trying to do was fix things. They stopped talking and it was all Jongin's fault.
Minho raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"It wasn't his fault. He just..." Jongin ran a hand through his hair. "We were kids. We were just kids and I didn't know how to react. I wasn't mad I just..." Jongin sat down in the nearest chair and put his head in his hands.
He could hear Minho moving and then there was a warm hand on his back. "What happened?"
Jongin took a deep breath. "He kissed me," he whispered. Minho didn't respond but Jongin knew he’d heard because the hand on his back got heavier. A little louder Jongin said, "it wasn't even anything big, just a peck on the lips, but..."
"But you were kids," Minho finished.
Jongin nodded and sat back. Minho's hand shifted to his shoulder. "And then he just ran away. He looked so scared. I didn't want him to be scared."
Minho squeezed his shoulder and Jongin looked up at him. To his surprise, Minho was smiling softly at him. "I'm going to go get Taemin now. He should be done with his shower." With that, Minho patted him on the back and left the room.
Taemin.
Minho was going to get Taemin. Holy shit.
Jongin shot up from his chair and began to pace again. What was he going to say? He needed to make sure Taemin knew he wasn't mad, but beyond that, what should he say? ‘It's good to see you’ was an understatement, as was ‘I missed you’. God, he missed Taemin so much. ‘I'm sorry?’ That should probably be in there somewhere.
He didn't have much time to think though as a minute later he could hear voices in the hallway.
"I promise it will be worth it. Just two minutes."
"Hyung, I'm tired. I just want to be alone for a bit."
"Two minutes! You'll thank me later."
Jongin froze in place, staring at the doorway. This was happening. This was happening right now. He was breathing a little bit too hard and he had absolutely no idea what to do with his hands and in just a few seconds he’d be face to face with...
And then he was there. Lee Taemin. In the flesh.
He was dressed in gray sweatpants and a blue Columbia University hoodie. His blonde hair was parted down the center and was a few shades darker due to the water that still clung to it from his shower. And he was beautiful. God was he beautiful.
His eyes met Jongin's and he stopped moving, eyes wide, lips parted.
Jongin opened his mouth, trying to say something, anything, but the words got caught in his throat. Instead he lifted his hand, only managing a little wave and a small smile.
It was enough. "Jongin," Taemin breathed. And if that wasn't the best thing Jongin had ever heard.
They stepped forward at the same time and meet in the middle in a way that made Jongin feel like he was in a movie.
Taemin hugged him so tightly it's almost hard to breathe. They swayed together slightly, finding the most comfortable way to stand so close to each other. Everything Jongin had been wanting to say fled from his mind, and he was content to just be, hands fisted in clothes and faces buried in necks, hugging Taemin. Existing in the closest proximity possible with Taemin.
Minutes passed and Jongin savored every second they clung to each other. It was an experience he had only ever dreamed of having again. And if this was another dream then, Jongin never wanted to wake up. Eventually though, Jongin felt a sudden, overwhelming need to look at him.
He started to pull away but Taemin squeezed him tighter, growling in protest. Jongin smiled. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I just want to see your face."
Taemin held onto him for a few more seconds before his grip loosened. Jongin shifted his hands to Taemin’s shoulders and gently pushed him back. Taemin’s eyes were shining, a little red around the edges. “You’re crying,” Jongin teased.
“I am not!” Taemin said, laughter filtering through like it always would when he didn’t want to cry.
“You are!” Jongin reached up to wipe away a tear with his thumb but Taemin pushed him away.
“Shut up!” he exclaimed, and wiped his face with this sleeve.
They stood like that for less than a second before even that distance became too much and they reached for each other again; Taemin grabbing for Jongin’s waist and Jongin bringing his hands up to rest on either side of Taemin’s neck.
“What are you doing here?” Taemin asked, as if there was somewhere else in the world Jongin should be instead. He tried not to be offended.
Instead he smiled cheekily. “Well, there’s this music group called SHINee. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of them but and they were playing a show here tonight.”
Taemin giggled and stepped closer again, locking his arms around Jongin’s middle and leaning his head on his shoulder. Jongin dropped one hand to hold one of Taemin’s elbows and brought the other to the back of his head, carding his fingers through his now mostly-dry hair.
“Really though, I just wanted to see you,” Jongin said quietly.
A knock sounded from the door and they both jumped, pulling apart just enough to look in the direction of the sound. To Jongin’s surprise, the door was shut; Minho must have closed it earlier without them realizing.
“What?” Taemin shouted, annoyed.
The door opened and Key’s face poked out from around it, followed by Jonghyun and Onew. Almost immediately, Key’s curious expression transformed into a devilish grin and Jonghyun and Onew looked like a couple of kids in a candy store.
Jongin tightened his grip on Taemin’s elbow and in his hair as he realized what they must look like to them. Taemin didn’t seem to care, though. “Tell me what’s up or leave us alone!”
Key looked like he was about to reply but Onew cut him off. “We need to go to the hotel now. Manager hyung said Jongin can come with, if he wanted.”
“Thank you,” Jongin replied earnestly. He didn’t know what Minho had told any of them but this meant he didn’t have to say goodbye immediately and he was beyond grateful for that. They would have time.
Onew smiled and moved back from the door, grabbing Jonghyun by the collar of his shirt and Key by the ear (“AISH!”).
“GET IT!” Jongin heard Key yell from down the hall, in English. He chuckled and leaned his forehead against Taemin’s shoulder.
“What did he say?” Taemin asked.
“Don’t worry about it.” Jongin brought his other hand down and gently pulled Taemin’s arms from around his waist. “We should probably get going.”
Taemin seemed more willing to pull away now that he knew Jongin wouldn't have to leave any time soon. Even so, he made sure to take Jongin's hand and lace their fingers together as he led the way out to the bus.
They sat side by side, pressed together, hands still joined. Taemin's head found it's place on Jongin's shoulder as Jongin made light conversation with Minho and Key about his Broadway experience. It was comfortable.
Jongin wasn't paying enough attention to know which hotel they ended up at. Each of the members had their own room, which Jongin was happy about. He liked the other members, sure, but he and Taemin really needed to talk. As Taemin’s was the only room on the third floor, they said goodnight to the other members in the elevator and let someone from the staff direct them to the right room.
The door to Taemin's room shut and Jongin found himself being pulled into another crushing hug. "I'm so glad you're here," Taemin said quietly.
Jongin smiled into his neck. "Me too, Taeminnie."
Taemin giggled and pulled back, crinkling his nose. "You smell terrible."
"Thanks," Jongin said, pushing Taemin lightly away by the shoulder, suddenly self-conscious. Taemin, after all, smelled like heaven after his shower.
"You can use the shower," Taemin told him. He walked over to the suitcases the staff must have brought up earlier and fished out some clothes and threw them at Jongin. “Here.”
Jongin looked from the clothes back up to Taemin. "Okay. But if you fall asleep on me, I will draw on your face." Then, a little quieter, he added, "We really need to talk, Taemin."
He hated the way Taemin's face fell at his words so he smiled assuredly. It seemed to help and Taemin nodded. "Okay."
The shower felt wonderful. Jongin hadn't realized how grubby he felt, and he ended up taking slightly longer than he'd originally intended. He was also grateful, if a little embarrassed, to find that someone had left two toothbrushes near the sink. When Jongin finally stepped out of the bathroom, he fully expected to find Taemin asleep. To his surprise, though, Taemin was sitting on the far end of the couch, knees brought up to his chest, staring at his phone.
"Wow, you're still awake," Jongin said, setting his clothes from the concert down in a small pile slightly away from Taemin’s suitcases and hanging his jacket over the back of the chair by the desk.
Taemin looked up, "You said we needed to talk."
Jongin nodded, unconsciously fiddling with the cross around his neck again. He moved to take a seat on the other end of the couch, mirroring Taemin's position. "We do. But you just did a three hour show, I wouldn't have blamed you if you’d fallen asleep."
“You still have that?” Taemin asked, sounding a bit amazed.
It took him a second to realize what Taemin was talking about and he let the cross fall back to his chest. “Yeah, um, I don’t really take it off, ever. It’s a different chain. Like, the fourth one. They keep breaking.”
“Oh.”
For the first time, the silence between them was uneasy and Jongin hated it. "I'm sorry," he said.
Taemin's eyebrows pulled together, confused. "What?"
"I'm sorry about how I reacted. I'm sorry I never messaged you back. I'm sorry you thought I didn't want to talk to you. I did. I just didn't know what to say."
It didn't seem like Taemin knew how to respond to that. He simply sat there staring at Jongin, lips parted slightly.
"Did you think I was mad at you?" Jongin asked, desperate for some sort of response.
Taemin nodded. "I apologized. I sent you so many messages apologizing. And I didn't hear anything from you and I thought you didn't want anything to do with me. I'm so sorry, Jongin."
No, no, no. Jongin shook his head. That was not what he wanted to hear. "I didn't want you to be sorry."
"What do you mean?" Taemin asked, confused.
Suddenly Jongin’s mouth felt very dry. He licked his lips to try to get some moisture back. “You looked scared. When you ran away, after…”
Taemin shook his head, his face growing more serious.“I don’t understand.”
Jongin ran his hands through his hair, trying to find the right words. “You were my best friend and I didn’t want you to be afraid of my reaction.”
Taemin bit his lip and looked away. “So it’s pity.”
“No! I was just confused, Taeminnie!” Jongin set his feet back on the floor and slid closer to Taemin. “You kissed me!”
“I remember.”
“Taemin, please!” Taemin still wasn’t looking at him so Jongin reached out to brush his hand. It worked. Suddenly Taemin’s eyes were boring into his. Sadness. Confusion. Hurt. They were all there and Jongin hated that he was the one that made Taemin look like that. He needed to explain.
“You kissed me. You ran away. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I landed in San Francisco and I had six messages from you apologizing. ‘I’m sorry, Jongin. I didn’t mean to. Forget it ever happened. We can still be friends.’ I thought you regretted it. I didn’t want you to apologize. I didn’t want you to regret it.” Taemin looked like he was going to cut him off so Jongin held up a hand to stop him. “No, let me finish. I have to say this.” Jongin swallowed to get some moisture back in his throat. He needed to get this all out now or he wasn’t sure he ever would. He set his elbows on his knees and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I didn’t answer you because I didn’t know how to say how I felt. You kissed me and then said you wanted to be friends and I didn’t know how to tell you I wanted to be more than that.”
A light hand touched his shoulder. “Jonginnie—”
“And then you kept messaging me and I felt so bad for not answering because we were friends and we were supposed to talk every day just like we promised. And then you just stopped and I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was too late.” He took a long shuddering breath. “We were just kids, Taemin. I’m so sorry. I should have— ”
Taemin’s hand moved from his shoulder to the back of his neck and Jongin looked up at him. He’d shifted so he was sitting directly next to him. He wasn’t looking at Jongin, instead his head had fallen forward, eyes closed. He was smiling, maybe laughing, probably crying. His other hand hanging in a loose fist in front of his mouth, index finger touching his lips.
Minho had told Jongin earlier that Taemin had been sure he’d ruined everything with the kiss. It was obvious, so obvious now, that Taemin felt the same way that Jongin had back then: innocently and stupidly in love. For the first time in a long time, Jongin felt like they were actually on the same page.
Jongin let himself fall sideways. His head came in contact with Taemin’s chest and Taemin made no effort to keep either of them upright. They fell in a heap on the couch. Taemin quickly wrapped his arms around Jongin. Jongin pressed the side of his his face into the fabric of Taemin’s hoodie.
Eventually, Taemin’s cry-laughing subsided, even if he did still sniffle every now and then. Somewhere in there he’d begun combing his fingers through Jongin’s still drying hair. “This is real,” he murmured.
“Of course it is,” Jongin replied, lifting his head and twisting a bit so he could see Taemin’s face, unfortunately also displacing Taemin’s hand.
“You don’t understand,” Taemin said, a little louder, staring into space. “It hasn’t been real, in the past.”
Jongin let Taemin gather his thoughts.
“Minho used to catch me spacing out. Or daydreaming, or whatever. Eventually he asked what I was thinking about.” He paused and Jongin settled back down on his chest, feeling the slow rise and fall as he breathed. “It was always you. What if you happened to be in the coffee shop we were going to? What if I ran into you at the airport when we had to travel to Japan? What if I was on stage and I looked out and you were there, cheering for me?”
“I wanted to be,” Jongin said before Taemin could continue. “You don’t know how many viruses my laptop got from going on shady live streaming websites at three in the morning to watch your performances. Mom used to yell at me for staying up so late. I was so proud of you, Taeminnie. I still am.”
“Yeah?”
“You should have seen yourself on that stage tonight,” Jongin breathed. “You were stunning.”
He felt Taemin nuzzle into his hair.
“And the rest of the members were incredible too. I’m biased but SHINee really is the best group out there,” Jongin told him. “I don’t shut up about you guys. My roommate was a bit intimidated when she realized I wasn't just playing up my love of SHINee. I'm a little obsessed."
"Just a little?" Taemin asked, poking him in the side.
"Okay, a lot. It’s ridiculous. I’ve made a fool of myself more times than I can count," Jongin laughed. He remembered Taemin's solo debut. The day 'Danger' came out, Cara came back to the apartment to him lying on his back on the floor staring at the ceiling in shock. He truly hadn't been prepared.
Jongin never told Cara about his past friendship with Taemin. She only knew Taemin as Jongin's celebrity crush, but Jongin was okay with that. She teased him about it all the time, even going so far as getting him a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Taemin for his birthday last year. They currently have him stood next to the television, judging them whenever they marathon episodes of Pit Bulls and Parolees or Gold Rush.
"What?" Taemin asked as Jongin giggled.
"I'm just happy,” he answered truthfully.
Taemin seemed to accept that answer and sighed in agreement. “Me too.”
The position they were in wasn’t the most comfortable one in the world but frankly, Jongin felt too content to move. In the quiet, Taemin’s hoodie wasn’t quite enough to muffle his heartbeat and Jongin made it a point to lay his head directly over the soothing sound. Taemin began stroking his hair again in a steady rhythm.
They stayed like that for several minutes before the chorus of ‘Ring Ding Dong’ rang out into the silence.
Jongin groaned. "My phone," he said pushing himself up from the couch and making his way to his jacket. By the time he dug his phone out of the pocket, it had already begun to ring through a second time. If it had been anyone but Cara, he wouldn't have answered it.
"Hello?"
"He's alive! Praise the Lord!"
Jongin chuckled. "Yeah, I'm alive. Sorry I didn't text you. I won't be coming home tonight."
"Oh, really? Who's the guy? Anyone I know?" she teased.
"Lee Taemin," he replied without hesitation. He knew Cara wouldn't believe him, as it was the same answer he almost always gave to the question. He winked at Taemin, who was watching him curiously from the couch.
"And what have you been up to with Lee Taemin?"
"Cuddling on the couch of his hotel room, mostly. No proclamations of undying love yet, though."
Cara laughed through the phone. "You never know! Maybe he saw you and it was love at first sight. You're a good-looking guy, Jongin. He'd be a lucky man."
"I'm pretty sure the lucky one would be me." He smiled at Taemin, who looked very confused but smiled in return. "I'll be back tomorrow. You have a morning shift at the coffee shop, right?"
"Bright and early."
"I might have to stop in on my way back then. Sleep well."
"You too! Tell Taemin I say hi!"
He laughed. "I'll make sure to do that."
"Who was that?" Taemin asked.
Jongin set his phone down on the bedside table and jumped up slightly to sit on the overly-poofy bed. "My roommate Cara. I forgot to text her to tell her I wasn't coming back tonight." He looked over at Taemin again and tilted his head to the side. "Did you get any of that?"
Taemin shrugged. "A few words. You mentioned me, though. What did you say?"
“She was teasing me. When I told her I wasn’t coming back she asked what guy I went home with so I told her." Taemin immediately looked concerned so Jongin added, “she didn’t believe me. She doesn’t even know I know you.”
“She doesn’t?”
Jongin shook his head. “I haven’t told anyone. I wasn’t sure if we...” He didn’t really know how to complete that sentence but Taemin seemed to understand what he was trying to say, even if he also didn’t have the words.
“I know. I wasn’t either.”
I’m still not, Jongin thought. Where were they exactly? Where did they stand? He wanted to say they were still friends, and he was fairly certain he could say they were. He was wearing Taemin’s clothes for fuck’s sake. But Jongin had also just confessed to Taemin that he’d wanted more, in the past, and he was pretty sure Taemin had wanted more as well. And right now, Taemin was looking at him with the same nervous intensity he had before he kissed Jongin all those years ago and Jongin’s heart raced.
He licked his lips, not looking away. The air in the room now felt much thicker than it had been before. Taemin opened and closed his mouth a couple times like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. He looked down at his hands, playing with the ring on his index finger. Jongin felt like he should probably say something as well but his mind didn’t seem to be able to construct sentences.
Suddenly, Taemin stood up. It only took him three steps and he was standing directly in front of Jongin. He lifted a hand like he wanted to reach out to touch him but hesitated. “I… Can I…”
Taemin’s eyes searched his face, appearing more nervous than ever now that they were so close. Jongin did his best to keep his breathing even. He carefully placed his hand on Taemin’s hip and smiled reassuringly up at him.
Almost too slowly, Taemin reached forward. Jongin closed his eyes as Taemin traced his fingers gently over Jongin’s forehead, cheek.
“Taemin,” Jongin breathed.
Taemin froze for a moment, then moved his hand to cup Jongin’s jaw.
Unlike Taemin, Jongin wasn’t one to live in a constant state of imagining. He tried his best to steer his mind away from envisioning the unlikely or impossible. Even so, he’d be lying if he said he never once thought about what it would be like for Taemin to kiss him again.
Jongin realized very quickly that his imagination just couldn’t do it justice. First there was just a gentle brush of Taemin’s lips against his and then they were gone, but that didn’t stop the fireworks from going off in Jongin’s chest. Taemin’s lips returned to the corner of his mouth, placing another small kiss there before moving back center. Now, Jongin kissed him back, sliding his lips leisurely against Taemin’s. There was no hurry; they had nowhere to be.
It felt so right, warming every part of him. Like it didn’t matter that they'd only just found each other again. As if they hadn’t spent the last eight years apart.
Jongin smiled at the thought and Taemin took the opportunity to nuzzle into his neck, breathing him in. It was a familiar gesture, something Taemin used to do before, and it was comforting.
“I missed you,” Taemin said softly. Jongin locked his arms around Taemin’s waist in response.
“Good. Because I missed you too.”
It was incredible, Jongin thought, how long it took for him to get used to not having Taemin around. It took months to stop the gut reaction of looking around for Taemin whenever something significant happened. It took years to get used to the idea that he was probably never going to talk to Taemin again.
And it sucked. Because Jongin had already gotten used to Taemin again. He didn’t want to lose him again. Not ever. The most difficult part about all of this was knowing Taemin was going to have to leave tomorrow.
"What happens now?" Taemin asked, voicing the core of where Jongin's thoughts were headed. But he didn’t want to think about that just yet.
Jongin sighed and pulled back, finally opening his eyes. "I think…" he paused for a moment to brush Taemin's hair out of his eyes. "I think for now, we should get some sleep."
He laughed when Taemin pulled a face. "You have to go to Vancouver tomorrow, right? You need rest."
"Not until the afternoon. And the show's not until the day after."
“So we’ll have some time tomorrow then,” Jongin told him. He pushed Taemin back gently by the hips and looked at the clock on the nightstand. “It’s almost three. Sleep time.”
“It’s late afternoon in Korea,” Taemin pouted.
“Sleep.”
Taemin groaned, but did shuffle his way over to the bathroom.
Jongin took a deep breath and stood. As much as he wanted to sleep in the bed, he still wasn’t sure if they were quite there yet, so he grabbed a pillow and brought it over to the couch.
Before he could even sit down though, a muffled voice asked, “what are you doing?”
He turned around to see Taemin glaring at him, toothbrush still in his mouth. Jongin looked over his shoulder at the couch then back at Taemin, who rolled his eyes and pointed at the bed. Jongin held up his hands in surrender then picked up the pillow again and put it back against the headboard. Taemin didn’t move. He waited in the same position, finger pointed at the bed and toothbrush hanging from his lips, until Jongin had actually gotten into the bed, under the covers. Appearing satisfied, Taemin returned to the bathroom.
Jongin didn’t really move until Taemin had reemerged, turned off the lights, and gotten into bed next to him.
“Do you still sleep on your back?” Taemin asked.
“Yes?” Jongin answered, a little confused as he settled down into his pillow.
“Good,” Taemin answered, and immediately shifted so he was lying with his head on Jongin’s chest.
Jongin smiled and wrapped an arm around him. He could feel Taemin tracing his fingers over the cross necklace. “Do you want it back?” Jongin asked.
“No,” Taemin shook his head a little. “You keep it.”
“Okay,” Jongin murmured. “Goodnight, Taemin.”
Taemin hummed happily into his chest. “I love you,” he whispered.
Really, Jongin’s heart should have burst open right then. Taemin just said he loved him. Jongin tightened his arm around him.
“I love you too,” Jongin whispered back, in English. He pressed a kiss into Taemin’s hair.
It didn’t matter, Jongin decided, what happened next. Because he knew, without any sort of doubt, that this was what Taemin wanted, too. He wanted them. And for now, that was more than enough.