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Haven may have been staring at the ceiling for a moment too long, they noted to themself as they started to pick out random shapes in the grooves of the paint. They took notice of certain spots that had drip-like shapes, as well as the lined crevices that decorated them. The only thing keeping the elf sane was the slight crackling coming from the candle at bedside. They allowed their eyes to fall to their left, catching a quick glimpse of a sleeping Jinx. The girl was sprawled out across her separate bed, half of her body unhidden from the covers and another half slipping off the sides of the mattress. Haven could never understand how the other could so quickly fall into a deep sleep when they travel from place to place. They can recall how they’d even struggle to find rest when sleeping over at a friend’s house just down the road. They would even bring pillows and dolls from home to try and soothe their homesickness, to no avail. To think such a childish thing would still follow them like this.
They let out a chuckle under their breath, then paused. They were hopeful that laughing off the thought might make the dread growing in their gut go away. Instead, it crawled deeper, sinking until they physically shot up and shifted their shaky hands to hover over their stomach. They coughed up a choked sigh. Haven forgot that their body didn’t like it when they thought about the past. Or their brain. Or themself for that matter, but they couldn’t help it. They pressed their fingertips into their abdomen, as if the touch alone could quell the pain. They tried on a reluctant smile.
Once as a young elf, when Haven had a stomach-ache, the neighborhood kids encouraged them to ask the local doctor to cure them of it. They didn’t know any better and they trusted their friends to not lie and mock them, so they showed up to the clinic. They got reprimanded for what they claimed was a prank, and sent Haven home, confused and upset. It was a common occurrence for the children of the town to do such impolite things to them, but Haven likes to think they meant no real harm.
But they remembered crying to themself, knees pressed into their snotty nose while their back laid against the slide of the town park. Kids continued to play as they bawled.. Haven only took a moment to lift their head at the sudden crunching of mulch growing closer: Jinx. The young human tilted her head, a frown growing on her lips. They can’t recollect just how the conversation went, but they remembered that, slowly, the ache in their stomach diminished until they forgot why they were even sad in the first place.
Lurching further forward, they pressed their fingers harder into their belly, praying that their hands could just dig into their stomach until they could grab the pain itself and yank it out. It felt as if she ate burning hot coals, the flaming sensation building up from their guts to their tightening throat. They felt tears threatening the ends of their eyes as they glanced back over to Jinx.
Haven knew they were reaching. That’s all they’ve been doing since they got resurrected. Reaching for someone who was no longer there. Reaching for a Jinx that could give a reason as to why Haven was trying this hard to hold onto something that’s gone. And they were sick and scared, like the child they always were. Just moments ago they were laying in bed, now they were back in that playground, waiting for Jinx to come comfort them.
They shuffled their leg over the side of the bed, the other following with hesitance. Haven still clenched their stomach with one hand, the alternate wiping their tears as they shifted their body weight onto their legs, buckling. They moved as swiftly as their aching body would let them, as well as what would take not to wake Jinx from her slumber. They reached the door and clutched the knob, pulling forward and stumbling out. As soon as they closed the door, they roughly pushed their back into it, a sting shooting throughout their spine. They splayed their hands across their torso, feeling their body rise as they inhaled uneven breaths, and as it fell as they exhaled at an excessive rate. They choked through their sobs, gasping for air that was no longer their own. Their knees were uneven, about to give in at any moment. Give in.
Give in.
The door behind her was thrown open. Haven fell back, widened eyes meeting the ceiling for the second time that night. Although, this time, another thing was in view: a groggy Jinx Maryam. She rubbed at her eyes, a repressed yawn shown through her cheeks. She rolled her shoulders before dropping her gaze. She blinked a few times. “Haven..? What are you doing…”
She paused. Then she realised. The tiredness from her eyes disappeared.
“Oh Gods, what did I do this time?”
Haven stayed still, before shooting up as rapidly as they fell. One hand brushing the dust from their clothing, the other wiping the remainder of their tears. Their stare pierced the flooring. “Jinx-! Heavens, no, you did nothing wrong this time, I promise. I was just— I was simply taking a step out of the room, that is all. My apologies for waking you. I know it’s still dark out—”
“Haven, you’re still crying.”
“—and I shouldn’t— I’m sorry?” Their eyes shot up. The hand to their face paused, feeling the wetness trickle against their fingers. They swallowed hard. “Jinx, seriously, I’m fine.”
Jinx furrowed her brows, putting a fist to her hip. “Okay, I know I’m not the smartest guy ever, but I know when Haven,” she pushed her pointer finger from her free hand into the other’s chest, “isn’t feeling too thrilled. You’re not really good at hiding it, no offense.”
Their heart rate sped up for a moment. Haven wasn’t one to talk back, but something in them felt the need to slip out a few words in a hushed tone. “Like you’d care.”
The human jumped, her mouth ajar. She shook her head, taking a step forward. Her voice raised. “Hey! I do care—” she cut herself off, noticing Haven’s turned head and solemn look, their arms crossed as tears continued to drip down. She sighed. “I do care, Haven, I’m serious. I know I’m not what you wanted when you came looking for me, and I know I don’t have all the memories with me either, but I don’t need that to care. All I need is you here, right now, to tell me what’s wrong.”
Jinx reaches for Haven’s hands, softly tugging on them.
“Can we talk more inside the room? Or we can go outside, or whatever. Tell me what you need right now, I’ll do it.”
Haven curls their lips downward. They are such a baby, getting so upset over nothing. They continue to look away. Anything they’d want to say would be too embarrassing.
“Okay, okay. Let’s go into our room for now. Let me know if you want to step out at any moment,” Jinx smiled, leading the other through the doorway. She let go of Haven for a second to close the door, and the elf felt cold until she led them back to Jinx’s bed. She gestured to the mattress and Haven sat down. The blonde follows, huffing as she plops down. “So, I know I’m not the best at comforting people. Didn’t really get into it until I met you. So feel free to tell me to go eat my own foot or something if I say anything wrong.”
A coy smile makes its way to Haven’s lips, Jinx’s follows.
She then pulls her legs up, sitting criss-cross. “I’m a very emotional person in a way. More anger than sad, but I get sad too. I guess I don’t show people that side often, haha. Don’t want anyone thinking I’m weak, you know?” Haven nods faintly. “Not— not that it makes you weak or anything, um. Or maybe it makes you strong, for being able to show that sadness. That makes you stronger than me in a way. You’re…”
She glances over to Haven, who is giving the human such a look of genuine interest, despite the fact that she has no idea what she is saying. Jinx's mouth parted.
“You are really strong, Haven. Despite it all, despite everything you’ve been through, you still feel comfortable expressing that sadness. Don’t stop feeling those emotions.”
Haven hums. “You too?”
“You— Me? You’re talking about me?” she points at herself, leaning forward with a heightened tone. When the elf’s head movement signaled an affirmative, Jinx had to cough up a quiet ‘oh,’ not expecting such a question. When she took a breath too long to think on the answer, a voice other than herself spoke up.
“Don’t stop feeling those emotions either, Jinx. I want to see that part of you, too. And…” Haven shifts their hand onto the bed, tapping the slightest bit. Jinx was uncertain, a twitch shooting throughout her fingers. She then reached for the other’s hand, slipping in between their fingertips.
“And if you’d let me, I’d like to reach deep inside of your soul and caress that emotion with the tenderness it deserves. I want to feel and unravel it like how you did with me when we were younger, and attempt to place soft kisses over it like you do now.”
Jinx sensed a growing warmth within her. Their eyes locked onto each other as if pulling the gaze apart would tear their very beings along with it.
“If you want to care for me, let me do the same for you.”