From: [email protected] (Dave Van Domelen)
Subject: MSTied: You Are Cursed In The Name Of God If You Don't Accept....
Date: 4 Feb 1994 02:41:18 GMT
[SOL interior...a wading pool is set up in the middle of the room. Tom is
hovering in it, occasionally splashing Crow with water from it.]
Crow: Hey, cut it out! I'll rust!
Tom: Oh, you will *not* you sissy...you're plastic anyway. Whee-ha! [splashes]
Crow: Miiiike! Tom's splashing me and it itches and stuff!
[Mike enters in swimtrunks and towel. He has sunglasses on and zinc oxide on
his nose]
Mike: Hey, Tom, stop splashing Crow. He might rust.
Crow: Yeah!
Tom: But he's *plastic*!
Mike: Hmm. Guess you're right. Still, could you get out, I wanna get in and
relax before the experiment.
Tom: Oh, okay. [rises a little and splashes everyone in the room]
Mike&Crow: Hey!
Tom: Er, sorry...my hover plenum can't get enough force to go over the edge
of the pool. Heh...um, could you lift me out?
Mike: All right...oops, we have commercial sign.
[Mike hits the button just as a shark fin pops up in the pool]
[AT&T *WILL* improve your life, just give your free will over to us!]
[Back at SOL. Little shark fins circle Tom in the pool.]
Tom: Er, Mike...you can get me out any time now.
Mike: Oh, look...they hatched, Crow. Aren't they cute?
Crow: Yeah...look at the little buggers nibble on Tom's hoverskirt.
Tom: MIIIIIKE!
[red light flashes]
Mike: Ah, Beany and Cecil are calling. [taps button]
[Deep 13]
Dr.F: Off to sunnier climes, eh, Mister Hasselhoff? Well, this week's
experiment is no Baywatch. Frank, send it up.
[SOL]
Mike: Wait! What about my Invention Exchange? If you liked those cute Sea
Monkeys as a kid, you'll love my new Sea Landsharks! Put the eggs in the
special solution, wait for them to hatch, and have hours of fun.
Tom: MIIIiiiiiIIIIKE!
[Deep 13]
Dr.F: Hm. I think I'd better check the mind monitor...I think I'm rubbing off
on you. Anyway, this one's a short piece, Frank kept me up all night with
his colic, so I didn't have time for more. Still, it's not the size that
counts, it's how much *pain* you'll be in. Have fun!
[SOL]
ALL: Ahhhh! We have net.loon sign!
<>...6...5...4...3...2...1....
>Subject: Re: You are Cursed in the name of God if you don't accept ...
Mike: Gosh, what a rational and noncombative subject header.
>Found in sci.psychology....
Crow: No doubt where the author belongs.
In article <[email protected]> [email protected] (Hannu Poropudas
) writes:
>
>Dear Mr. Mark Diamond,
Tom: Wait, is this a post, or email?
Crow: Post!
Tom: Email!
Mike: Boys, boys...it can be all that and more!
Crow: Hey, where'd you learn that catchphrase?
>
>All this what I said depends naturally only about yourselves.
Crow: So he's a moral relativist...or just really confused.
Tom: Wait...he hasn't said anything yet to refer back to.
Mike: This looks like it's gonna be jam packed with really bad grammar
errors...good thing I unplugged the Grammar Flamer Sorter Dumper.
Tom: Nah...he's obviously not a native speaker...we'll be gentle.
Crow: What 'we' kemosabe?
>I mean that this is such a question which man will never be able
>understand scientifically how God speaks through His prophets.
Tom: Oh, no...not another geekwad who thinks matters of religion can be
explained in scientific terms.
Mike: But he just said man will never be able to explain it scientifically...?
Crow: Yeah, but you just know *he's* gonna think he's th exception.
>We know that this sounds like the prophet is God although he/she
>certainly is not God
Tom: So, God is certainly not God?
Crow: And God has no idea what his/her gender is/was/will be?
Mike: I think he means the prophet isn't God.
Tom: Spoilsport.
> and the prophet speaks as he/she is God,
>when he/she is speaking in the name of God.
Tom: So, the prophet speaks as he/she *is* God, but he/she *isn't* God. Buh?
Crow: Yep. One of *those* posts.
>
>Now you have diagnozed in your books that this kind is mental
>illness called scitsofrenia.
Tom: Geez, you'd think someone who insists on using the word schitzophrenia...
Crow: And read it in a book...
Tom: ...might have at least a passing familiarity with the spelling.
Mike: Zo, ve haff diagnozed you vis Scitsofrenia, Herr
Porupudas....
> Now you are then also arguing that
>all God's prophets are scitsofrenics, which is of course not true.
Tom: Of course not! Some were con men!
Crow: And some were schitzophrenics!
Mike: All right, give it a rest...we've milked that one enough for now.
>This is why I have left you no alternatives due to this question
>"About Prophet speaking in the name of God". If you accept that
>God can speak through His prophets in the name of God as prophets
>did in the time of Old Testament in the Holy Bible,
Tom: Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the Straw Man argument!
ALL:
Crow: Yes, if you accept my premise, then obviously I'm right, especially since
you've already made blanket generalizations I attribute to you that are
way out in left field without actually giving quotes!
Tom: In mathematics, the above sentences would be known as putting your
theorem in your givens.
Mike: Just to everything I tell you and I'll be your
slave!
Crow: Don't tell me you memorized Labyrinth, Mike....
Mike: Um, well. Anyway, I think we've driven this point home.
Tom: Not to mention into the ground.
> then there is
>no curse.
Crow: No, there *is* a curse, the one that makes us read your post!
>
>Best Regards,
>Hannu Poropudas,
>[email protected]
Crow: What's .fi from? His name seems Greek or something like that, but
I can't figure out how .fi fits into that.
Tom: Maybe he's posting from Finland?
All: Finland, Finland, Finland...
>
>"When God speaks through the prophet, He speaks trough the prophet's
> neutrino soul
Tom: Here it comes!
> by using colour electricity fields
Crow: Incoming pseudoscience rationalization of religion! Cover!
> which are coordinative
> fields of the Universe.
Mike: So, these fields coordinate activity in the universe? Must be busy.
> These colour electricity fields are much
> faster than light."
All: YAAAAAAH!!!!!
Tom: Let's get out of here!
Mike: Yeah....
>--
1...2...3...4...5...6...<>....
Mike: Wow. That was one of the most incoherent posts I've read in a while.
Tom: It tried to make up scientific explanations for religious matters which
are inherently based on unprovable faith.
Crow: It used debating techniques inferior to those found on most talk shows!
Gypsy: It was short.
ALL: WE LOVED IT!
Dave Van Domelen, "These colour electricity fields are much faster than
light." Somehow I doubt he refers to QCD....
