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It never means anything when Phoenix and Miles are together like this. Or maybe it does mean something, but neither of them would ever say that. They're just friends, or maybe they aren't even friends. Miles certainly doesn't know. But they're in bed together, Phoenix sitting up and leaning back against the headboard with Miles in his lap.
"Is this okay?" Phoenix asks for the fourth time tonight. He asks that a lot, even though he knows Miles would stop him if it wasn't okay. He's good to Miles -- strange, because Miles always assumed hook-ups wouldn't be this gentle and loving -- and always makes sure everything feels okay, never does anything without consent. Miles nods, giving him the go-ahead, and he smiles softly before going back to kissing Miles.
Phoenix kisses down to Miles's neck, eliciting a little gasp from the other man. "I love you," Phoenix murmurs, his breath hot against Miles's skin. Miles just nods, closing his eyes tight. It doesn't mean anything, they're both damn well aware of that. The "I love you"s and sweet little sentiments mean nothing when in the morning they'll just act like nothing happened and be on their way.
There's a moment of silence before Miles whispers, "Come back up here." Phoenix moves back up to kiss him on the lips. "Hold me," Miles requests, and of course Phoenix does, hugging him close. Miles moves away from the kiss to nuzzle into Phoenix's shoulder. "Love you," he mutters, feeling his face flush.
Miles feels Phoenix kiss the top of his head. "How are you feeling right now?" Phoenix asks quietly. Miles can't think of how to respond, so he stays silent. Phoenix seems to take this as an answer, and whispers, "We don't have to do anything more if you don't want to. We can just cuddle."
That sounds nice, but it's not what they do. Cuddling is for people who actually care about each other, after all, and no one cares about Miles. Not like that. Sex is different. Sex, at least for them, isn't about love, it's just two friends helping each other out. That's all it has been, all it should be, right? "What do you want?" he asks, looking up at Phoenix.
"I want..." He pauses, looking into Miles's eyes. "I just want you to feel good." He kisses Miles's forehead. "So, what would make you feel good?" He's too good for Miles, really. Miles doesn't deserve someone who cares so much and is so... selfless, always prioritizing Miles's comfort over his own. It's not fair.
It's especially not fair that Miles can't even bring himself to tell Phoenix how he feels. Because that isn't what they have. It's not...
And, oh that's not a good thing to think about, because now Miles is tearing up. He hides his face in Phoenix's chest, but Phoenix has already seen him. "Don't cry," Phoenix whispers, rubbing his back gently. Miles sniffles, trying hard not to let himself cry. He won't. "Can you tell me what's wrong?"
"I'm sorry," Miles mutters.
"No, don't be sorry, love." Phoenix gently rolls over and moves so that they're lying next to each other. "Let's just take a moment, okay?" Miles nods, snuggling closer to Phoenix, trying to steady himself with deep breaths. Phoenix hugs him, and it's warm, and it feels safe, and it feels sort of like what Miles thinks real love might feel like. "Just tell me what you need from me tonight."
Miles shouldn't want anything but what he's here for, but he can't help but think how nice it would be to just cuddle until they fall asleep. Maybe in the morning he'd stick around a little longer, they could have breakfast together and... "Can we just stay like this?" he whispers, his eyes closed now as he feels Phoenix's heartbeat against his cheek.
Phoenix gives Miles little kisses on the top of his head, and it calms Miles down. Miles wipes his tears and hugs Phoenix, trembling slightly. "Thanks," he says quietly.
"Of course. I love you."
It's almost real.