Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

With the venomous kiss you gave me
I'm killing loneliness
With the warmth of your arms you saved me
I'm killing loneliness with you
The killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb
I'm killing loneliness

Killing Loneliness - HIM

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

It's another rainy night in London. Most nights were, not that it bothered Edwin, he quite enjoyed the calming sound of raindrops on the glass of the window. His eyes lifting from the botanical research book in his hands. He'd turned away from the desk sometime in the afternoon, positioning is chair as to let what little light from the window come in from the outside and filter over the pages. That had been hours ago, and the sun had long set.

Looking to the other part of the room saw Charles and Crystal deeply attuned to whatever was playing across her laptop screen. Both sprawled out on the couch, not a care in the world, Charles propped up against one armrest, Crystal's back against his chest as he let loose arms slung around her. Smiles across both their faces as they both laughed quietly at the same time. Edwin guessed someone on their program had said something amusing, but for his sake they were trying their best not to disturb him. 

While not normally voyeuristic in nature, he watched the ease the two of them were able to achieve in each other's personal space. Even though Charles couldn’t feel it, he was running his thumb over Crystal’s forearm. As she looked perfectly comfortable with her head back against his shoulder. Like they belonged slotted together as they were a match set.

Yes, for the initial moment there was a sting of jealousy there. While examining it, he found that it was, interestingly enough, for an entirely different reason than he initially thought. It was less that it was Charles with Crystal and not him. It was more the fact that being comfortable with that type of touch came so naturally to them both. They didn’t even question it. And while he was seemingly more at ease with the touches that he and Charles had developed over the years and had even managed to be comfortable with Niko’s as well, it still wasn’t an innate thing for him. How did one person become so automatically attuned to someone else so intrinsically? It baffled and confounded him, but at the same time he longed for something similar.

Edwin hadn’t realized that he’d completely zoned out until Charles said his name a little louder. Looking up at his friend from where he had apparently been looking out into space he turned his attention to Charles with a little start. “Yes?” He blinked rather owlishly at Charles’ big grin down at him from across the desk. Crystal was standing next to him with her laptop closed and in her hands.

“You okay there mate?”

“I’m perfectly fine Charles, I was simply thinking about what I had read in relation to another book.”

Crystal pipped up with a shake of her head. “You might be the only person I’ve ever met that can literally cross reference books in real time in their head. You are like your own Google.”

Edwin pursed his lips as he looked at her. “I am proud of the fact that I can retain the knowledge I’ve read and not have to always depend on tethering myself to machines in order to come up with answers."

Crystal would have made a rude hand gesture had her hands not been full, but Charles was quick to jump in to diffuse the situation as always. “Edwin would make a mint librarian, a wealth of knowledge about all the books he takes care of.”

That seemed to calm Edwin down at least, as he nodded his thanks to Charles. “Thank you, Charles.” Which of course just made Charles beam all the more.

“That being said mate, we’re gonna head back to Crystal’s for the night. And then she and I are headed out tomorrow, so we’ll see you tomorrow night when we open up shop.”

This made Edwin’s brow furrow they were going to be gone almost a whole twenty-four hours? “You won’t be coming back later?”

Charles tilted his head. “Tomorrow’s Saturday innit? I told you; I’m taking one of the disguises and I’m gonna take Crystal to the zoo. She’s never been. We’ve been planning it for a couple of weeks.”

Edwin thought for a moment and then nodded. “Yes, yes, my apologies, with the case I’d forgotten. You two have a good time. There is not much we can do on this case until the next full moon for the potion to work anyway. I’ll see you back later tomorrow.”

Charles seemed content with the blessing and even Crystal is surprised that there wasn’t more to go through to convince Edwin to let them go. Turning, they walked out the door and headed back out to go to Crystal’s apartment down the street, leaving Edwin, once again, alone. Taking in the quiet lonely office he sighed. The sound of the rain on the window was now the only sound in the entire place, and it sounded almost deafening, and far less comforting than it had earlier.

As green eyes swept over the empty room they lingered on the couch in the corner and his mind went back again to how comfortable Crystal and Charles had been sitting there together. He wished he could learn to feel so relaxed in another presence like that, though he wagered it wasn’t something that could be taught.

His eyes were coming back to the desk getting ready to dismiss the entire futile line of thinking when something else in the corner caught his eye. A tall, lone, vase with a single flower in it, enchanted never to wilt or fade. A single, white lily.

Edwin’s thoughts were immediately transported over the sea and to a sleepy port town, where the ultimate definition of one that was relaxed and comfortable in one’s skin resided. Edwin stood and walked to the vase, his fingers reaching out to touch it, the sizzle of familiar magic hovering around it, and he reached down to rub his wrist where magic of the same feeling had once resided.

If anyone could teach Edwin how to be comfortable taking up space with another being, it would be The Cat King… But he couldn’t… He really shouldn’t… It would be foolish… Eyes traveled to the mirror near the desk and as he did the time conversion in his head. Mid afternoon… in Port Townsend, a perfectly respectable time for a visit.

Edwin thought about it for another few seconds before marching straight to the mirror and placing his hand on it, looking for ones that he knew felt familiar in that area, ones they’d used before. As he searched and looked through to the other side, he saw a new one, this one leading straight into a familiar Cannery on the other side and he gasped. There had never been a mirror there before, had it been put there specifically for him, in the hope that he would return?

With that thought in mind, now he was even more determined. There was no reason to stay here alone for the next full day, not when he had been so clearly invited to visit. He paused for another moment; Charles was going to kill him…again, when he found out. Before he could talk himself out of it, Edwin was stepping through the glass, it was time to get some answers to some questions from someone that was an expert on what was vexing him.

Chapter Text

Memories sharp as daggers

Pierce into the flesh of today

The suicide of love took away all that matters

And buried the remains in an unmarked grave in your heart

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

Eight months…. Twenty-six days….. Three hours annnnnnd…. Four minutes. But who’s counting? Certainly not Thomas, the great Cat King of Port Townsend. Why, he had such a busy schedule and important things to do, what with his ennui, and literally herding cats. He hardly had the time to waste a thought on the beautifully repressed British ghost detective that whisked into and out of his life like a devastating act of nature. Waking him up, knocking him about, punching a hole right through him. Then gone again, leaving Thomas with one less life, and an aching sense of longing buried deep in his chest.

He was lounging across his throne, luxuriating in a sunbeam, only in human form this time. A book open as his eyes scanned the words on a very old page. His mind trying to absorb the markings in front of him. It helped sometimes, to get lost in words. It made his mind do something other than dwell, or worse, to dream.

He had plenty of those already. No doubt there was an entire wing of Morpheus’ library entirely dedicated now to Thomas’ dreams of Edwin Payne. It was one of the many reasons he’d stayed on the fringes if he ever found himself lucid enough to actually walk through his Uncle’s realm. The amount of shit Lucienne would give him. A child of an Endless pining after an Edwardian dead boy. The jokes practically write themselves.

Though at the moment, the reading and the human form seemed to have the absolute opposite intended effect. His mind drifted, wondering if Edwin was sitting in his London office, reading about magic as well. Absently the back of his knuckles brushed against his cheek in that same spot that lips once had.  A single point of freely given contact, that sat there like a tattoo or a brand that only Thomas could see and feel.

At first it had felt like a gift, a promise. “You’ll miss me…”  He’d said, thinking his smart detective would be able to decipher the real meaning behind his words. That Thomas was telling Edwin he’d miss him, to please come back. The other had smiled, as he walked away, and it had given Thomas that most traitorous of feelings… Hope.

But as weeks turned into months, that faded. Apparently, Edwin was not as intuitive when it came to the coy nature of cats, as Thomas had thought. Nor as versed in flower language or the fact that the very flower he’d presented could have very well ended another one of his lives had he tarried around it for too long, breathing in its poisonous pollen.

All that was left after was the gnawing desire for what he could not have. Because he knew that his ghost would never return. There was no reason to. He had his Agency, his freedom from Hell, and his little Cricket Batter. No, Edwin Payne would never darken his doorstep again. He had nothing that the detective wanted or desired now.

Thomas had merely been a key to a lock that set Edwin on a path of self-discovery, and what his ghost had found there, led him to his true desires, towards Charles. Didn’t that just make it all the sadder and more pathetic for Thomas. Because it’s not like Edwin had suddenly changed overnight, all of that had been there, always been there, staring Charles in the face and he’d never done anything about it. How?! How could anyone not reach out to grab that with both hands and never ever let go?!

That was what made it all the more tragic! Edwin was beautiful and bitchy. He could be arrogant but had the brains and the wit to back it up. The perfect verbal sparring partner. A determined sense of justice and purpose, driven to escape Hell… TWICE! And he’d taken down Esther Finch with his friends. He was amazing. But he was also fragile and a bit broken. No one, not even Edwin, could come out of all that unscathed. He’d admitted as much to Thomas in the alley.

“We’re both lonely.”

How could anyone not want to do everything in their power to make that not the case for Edwin? It angered Thomas to a degree, it certainly made him want to punch Cricket Boy in the dick a few times for good measure. Charles was, in his humble opinion, an idiot. Carrying on with some live girl psychic that would just grow old and die and move on, while Edwin was RIGHT THERE and wanted HIM!

Thomas growled out his frustration. He’d gone and got himself worked up and mad again about the entire situation. “It’s such a fuckin’ waste!” He said aloud to the cats mingling about the Cannery, who seemed unsurprised and basically uncaring about the outburst, as it was nothing new.

Slamming his book shut he threw his head back dramatically against one of the armrests of his throne and rubbed his face with both hands as he continued to stew in his own thoughts.

If the cats of Port Townsend had any opinion on the matter of their King’s increasingly maudlin attitude after a few bottles of whatever he’d been drinking when he went out to “Get back to being me!”, they wisely kept it to themselves. Even Meatball and Honda seemed to have enough self-preservation and knew not to mention the word ghost in their King’s presence.

Which is why, when the mirror that had been set up in the Cannery in the off chance that something might happen, then threw back into a dusty corner, when it was obvious it would never be used, started to waver and one Edwin Payne stepped through it, Honda couldn’t help but comment to Meatball.

“Oh Fuck.. Here we go.”

Meatball gasped and took off towards the front of the Cannery heading straight for Thomas’ throne.

Edwin missed the exchange as he stepped through, looking to see exactly where he’d come out and was surprised that it seemed to be the back corner of things, in the dark. That wasn’t a very safe place for it to be, someone with ill intentions could use it to sneak into the Cannery. He’d have inquire about the chosen placement.

Edwin’s footsteps brought him around the side of the throne to see the artistically sprawled out Cat King, book in hand, bringing a finger to his mouth to lick a digit and turn a page before stopping and looking up and over the top of the book to pin the ghost with a lascivious stare and a grin.

“Well, well, well… What an unexpected surprise.” Shutting his book he sat it in his lap over the black kilt. “What brings the great Edwin Payne back to my kingdom?” His voice all smooth purrs while directing those golden eyes to slide over the detective. As if he hadn’t just been having an existential crisis over the very being in front of him, not thirty seconds before he apparently inadvertently summoned the ghost to magically appear.

Edwin couldn’t help himself, he too was looking over the form in front of him. Noting just how easy and languid the Cat King’s body language was, how he seemed to be so unphased and indifferent to how the world around him, perceived him. So comfortable even when someone just basically slipped into their kingdom unnoticed. He didn’t understand how the other could be so casual.

 Edwin shuffled slightly from one foot to another, showing his own slight discomfort, before pulling himself upright and putting on his ‘brave face”.

“Yes, I’ve come to make a request of you. I’d like to learn, to be more like you. More comfortable in my own skin, as it were and… to be more okay with… touch.”

Thomas’ eyes opened a bit wider, and his grin grew. The only outside tell he allowed himself as he looked at Edwin.

“Really? An interesting concept, and you aren’t wrong, I’m a great teacher. But I wonder… why me?” He tilted his head coyly up at the ghost. “Don’t you already have someone back at the office to practice those things with?”

Edwin visibly flinched, and his mouth drew into a line at the question. Well that gave Thomas the answer he needed then. Charles was otherwise still occupied apparently. His crafty ghost changing the subject as not to have to give a direct answer, while knowing he was giving it anyway.

“Are you amenable to helping me or no?” The detective gave Thomas a slightly scathing look, and it just poured fuel on the fire inside of him. Edwin wanted to learn touch from him. Edwin wanted Thomas to touch him. Inside the Cat King’s head was a parade of champions, seventy-six trombones, drums, confetti, the whole deal.

Outside, Thomas smoothly stood and left his book on the throne as he descended the dais stairs and put himself directly into Edwin’s personal space as he always had. Impressed that his ghost didn’t even back away this time. Whether from sheer determination at not showing fear, or just because Edwin was at least comfortable enough with him already to allow him this close, he didn’t know, but he would find out.

Directing those gold-green cat eyes up into Edwin’s stormy ones, a Cheshire grin pulled at his lips. He’d show and teach Edwin anything he wanted, and he’d woo and win his ghostie. Dear Uncle Destiny had brought Edwin back to him, he wouldn’t squander such a gift.

“Alright Detective. Let’s get started.”

Meatball slowly looked over to where Honda had now padded up to sit on the top stair nearest the throne next to him. Leaning into him.

“We are…” Honda started. 
“So screwed…” Meatball finished.

Chapter Text

Nailed to a cross together

As solitude begs us to stay

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

Edwin wasn’t sure how he thought the conversation with the Cat King would have gone, but this wasn’t it. He thought there would be a lot more flirting, and untoward comments. But it seemed as if those had mellowed slightly with time. Not that the flirtatious looks from those catlike eyes didn’t rake their way over his own form every few moments, they did, but it seemed as though the deity was trying to be a little less forward with his advances.

The first thing that was offered to Edwin was a hand. The ghost looking at it for a moment before tentatively reaching out to take it. It still amazed the detective that he could feel that touch. It was warm and there was a spark of something there, it had to be magic. So taken by the surprise of that fact he hadn’t realized that the Cat King had moved them from the main room of the Cannery and somewhere deeper and hidden.

Edwin looked about, eyes tracking over the same bed and neon sign that he’d seen once before, the first time he’d visited here to negotiate, rather poorly, his means of escaping punishment for his crimes against the cats of Port Townsend. Though having had time to reflect on everything that had happened, he realized that the bracelet had been nothing more but an eye for an eye. Doing exactly to him that he’d done to the cat he’d entrapped. Edwin realized too late that he’d even been enticed as well. Where he’d used a sardine on the cat, who he now knew to be called Meatball, The Cat King had used his own allure and the promise of contact and a kiss to trap him with the bracelet.

If Charles knew he was here again, he’d blow a gasket. To put himself in what the brawn would surely perceive as a dangerous situation, though Edwin disagreed. The Cat King wasn’t the same as he had been. He hadn’t been the same even the last time they’d met in Port Townsend. The detective could tell something had softened the other, he wasn’t sure what it had been.

Those amber eyes with their flecks of green near the center, looked over the thinking detective and Edwin shook himself out of thought to the here and now. He was still holding the Cat King’s hand.

“Soooo…” The supernatural trickster drawled, as he gave that hand a soft squeeze. “You seem to do well with a bit of hand holding. That doesn’t faze you, I suppose that is a good sign as how this should probably go.”

Edwin scoffed slightly. “Of course, taking someone’s hand isn’t a bother, it’s hardly noticeable, usually.”

“Usually…. When does that change though? Does this change it?” The Cat King brought that hand up to his own chest over his beating heart and held it there with the one hand, while the other came up to trace soft nonsensical designs across the back of it with his fingertips. Each small stroke of fingers a light thread of warmth over his skin. It made the ghost shiver a bit and swallow hard.

“What about now, what does this make you want to do?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Of course you do, everyone has instincts, follow them. Does it make you want to jerk away? Or does it make you want more?” The Cat King raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t mind it. It feels… nice.”

“Because you’ve not felt things like this in a long time?”

Edwin’s brow furrowed as he thought. “I’ve never felt anything like this before. No one’s ever held my hand like this before…”

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

Thomas had been watching Edwin closely the entire time, wanting to make sure that he went slow, like glacier slow, when it came to Edwin. Much like he’d treat a wounded stray cat, delicately as not to spook them.

The shift to the bedroom without there being any objection was a good start. The fact that they remained standing, and he’d not ushered the other towards the bed was the next thing he patted himself on the back for. No need for Edwin to jump to the wrong conclusion. He had planned to help Edwin. Because the best way to be able to continue touching Edwin would be to do exactly that which was asked of him.

He'd kept Edwin’s hand in his own, letting his digits trace over the long delicate lines of the detective’s fingers. He’d seen the other scribbling furiously in his little notebook through the eyes of his cats. His penmanship was amazing and beautiful. But he couldn’t help but wonder what other fascinating things he could do with them. Did he play an instrument? Could he swim? Paint? Sculpt? Archery maybe? He wanted to know.

For now though, just being able to touch, to let Edwin feel the beating of his own heart through the material of his shirt, while getting to feel all that pleasant cool skin underneath his own fingers was a great start. But Edwin had an analytical mind, he knew he had to keep it moving if he wanted to be able to keep up this touch.  So he posed his questions. What does it feel like? How long since he’d felt such a thing. Which now he wished he’d never asked the second question. To hear the answer was just too heartbreaking for words.

“No one? Not even girls that didn’t know of your preferred type of partner that were angling to become your sweetheart back when you were still alive. Not even your friends, siblings, or parents?”

Surely someone had taken the time to? Holding hands was such a casual thing.

Edwin shook his head. “No one ever held my hand when I was alive, or if they did, I was too young to remember. Crystal did once when she was trying to calm me… and Niko would when we would watch TV together occasionally but… I could never feel it.

He didn’t want to give Edwin a pitying look. That’s not what the ghost had asked him for, so he fought to keep it from his face. No wonder Edwin didn’t know how to relax into touch, no one had ever offered him a kind one when he was alive. Then there was death and Hell. Probably not until Charles had anyone ever tried. Thomas definitely had his work cut out for him.

“Do you want me to stop?” He tilted his head in a very catlike fashion, those large orbs blinking slowly at Edwin. A subtle sign that he never meant the other any harm.

“I… No.” The ghost shook his head.

“Would you like to sit down?”

Thomas watched as Edwin eyed the bed warily. Stopping his hand petting for a moment he snapped up a small couch on the other side of them. “Better?” He watched his detective breathe out an unneeded breath and nod.

Sitting down he kept up the slow exploration of digits for another minute before pulling away slowly.

“Switch then.”  He offered his hands out to Edwin to do with as he pleased.

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

Edwin looked at The Cat King’s hand for a moment before, tilting his head before taking it and holding it up, then pressed the palm of his hand against it, then laced their fingers together, holding the other’s hand that way. Edwin smiled, all be it a bit sadly.

“So that’s what it feels like. Niko would…” Edwin trailed off, having to take a moment to collect himself. It was still a very touchy subject. The wound still too fresh. “She would often do this when we watched Scooby Do.”  

Edwin chanced a look towards the man across from him. He didn’t expect to see the truly understanding look back from the other. It gave him pause. He’d never thought about it before. But The Cat King was older than him, of course it made sense that he would have lost people too along the way. The detective wondered how many, and even more if any were The Cat King’s fault, like Niko’s was his own.

He’d made mention in the alley after he’d received the lily that none of it would have happened had the bracelet not trapped them in Port Townsend. But he realized now, that was wrong, had they not been trapped, Niko would have died in a matter of days to Kingham and Litty.

 “I fear I owe you an apology for something I said out of turn in the alleyway before I left the last time. I insinuated that because we were trapped here, Niko’s death wouldn’t have happened. That was not true. She would have died anyway, if we’d not been here to save her from the Dandelion Sprites. It was because of you; we got to befriend her in the first place. So, you were right, you do work in mysterious ways, so… Thank you.”

For a long moment The Cat King was silent before humming lightly. He squeezed Edwin’s hand. “Ghosts, more than anyone, should know that sometimes Death will come no matter what. There are some souls that are just destined to meet her sooner rather than later. And some of us, meet her many times before we completely shuffle off this mortal coil.”

“You know Death?”

“Oh yes, very much so. Nine lives remember?”

Edwin looked amazed, and he was filled with questions. But once again The Cat King read him like a book.

“Those are stories for another time. How do you feel?”

The Trickster motioned at their joined hands. Edwin looked at them and then used his free hand to reach out for the other that had been lying in his companion’s lap. Holding them both together.

“I like it, I’m comfortable with this, and with what you were doing earlier.”

The Cat King nodded. “Good, I guess it’s on to phase two then. If you’re ready.”

Determined green eyes met the feline ones in front of him.

“More than ready.”

Chapter Text

We disappear in the lie, forever

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

Phase two it would seem was going to be a hug, probably a bit unoriginal, but hey, he was making this up as he went along. Edwin looked extremely weary of this and that gave Thomas pause. His head tilted again in that catlike questioning fashion.

“I offered you a hug in the alleyway as well, and you refused. Is there a reason you dislike hugging? And it’s fine if you do. I was just wondering the reason why. Do you even know why?”

He watched as the other sat quietly for a long time. Mulling over this question with as much fervor as he would a case. Maybe this was a case for Edwin. Though if what he’d witnessed in the brief stint that he’d known the ghost. Edwin was far more adept at observing others, and not so much himself.

Unable to help himself Thomas reached back out and took Edwin’s hand again, the same as last time, between his other two, just sitting there with fingers laced while the other gently rubbed at the back of it.  He selfishly wanted to stay connected to Edwin, and if this was going to be permitted, he was going to take every bit of it he could get.

To his credit, Edwin only startled for a moment at the touch coming back again. But he seemed to settle quickly. Gathering his words he turned to Thomas.

“Hugs were not given out in my family home much as a child. My grandmother was fond of them, my parents and my nanny, not so much.” He took another unneeded breath, some mannerisms were hard to get rid of, even in death.  “I suppose it’s the idea of someone in my space, that close. So often in life, people that were that close to me, crowding in around me, they often meant me harm. Bullies at school usually, some teachers. There were the other obvious reasons as well. I couldn’t exactly go about hugging the people I would have wanted to…”

“But in death that isn’t and shouldn’t be a problem anymore. Charles for instance, you two seem pretty hands on.”

Edwin pursed his lips and gave Thomas what could only be classified as a warning look. Thomas, however, was nothing if not the most curious of cats, and that didn’t always work out the best for him. Still, he kept watching Edwin as if expecting an answer and wasn’t going to let it go until he got it.

Edwin just shook his head, and dropped his eyes down to their joined hands, oddly comforted by the touch there. “Charles would never hurt me. So I allow him liberties I don’t allow others.”

Thomas weighed that in his mind for a moment before grinning. “You let me in pretty close the first time, almost enough to kiss you.” He chuckled at the little affronted noise Edwin made. “Don’t think I’ve not kicked myself more than once for not kissing you before I slapped the bracelet on your wrist.”

Edwin sucked in a bit of air and then looked away. If ghosts could blush, he was sure his little ghostie would have been beet red at this point.

“So let me tell you what I think. I’m not allowed to hug you, not because you think I would hurt you. Because it’s obvious that I wouldn’t.” One hand came up to gently run over that familiar jacket lapel. “I’m not allowed to, because I think you’re worried you’d like it too much. Because deep down, you want to be held, you’re just not ready to face the fact that maybe it’s not Charles that you want to do it anymore…

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

The Cat King’s questions while astute, were making Edwin confront things within himself. That had always been a challenge for him. But then again, he came here precisely for this, didn’t he? To find out why he couldn’t relax and just be at ease with the other people in his afterlife.

The hugging question was all well and good to begin with. Remembering the cold days alone in his room at home when he was small. The only warmth of a hug having come from his grandmother and her infrequent visits. The only close proximity being bullies pushing him up against walls, adults in his face with condescending words and sneering looks. Then Hell, where touch could only mean pain, the worst kind.

All of these things made sense, as did the addition of Charles friendly touches that Edwin allowed to linger. The way that sunshine and warmth had wormed its way beneath his armor and Edwin had allowed it to stay.

But then the self-reflection became more muddled. He had on their very first meeting in this very room, let the Cat King come indescribably close. To nuzzle his cheek, to run hands over him, without so much as a question. He knew it hadn’t been magic, per say.  Well, it had been some, he’d felt the other. From the first clap on his shoulder when speaking of his punishment.

But after that. It had been his words, he found Edwin “Fascinating”, then his look. The naked attraction that the ghost had held for the other couldn’t have been denied. And the Cat King was right, had he kissed him first, Edwin would have allowed it, not even a second thought would have flittered through his mind, because he’d never felt that rush of excitement before.

Things however took a turn and wound into an entirely different direction. Though, he was still here, was he not? Did he not end up, back where he’d begun? Seeking affection from one that was so willing to give it? Was he always destined to come back? So many questions he really didn’t have answers for at the moment. Though, possibly, he didn’t really need them.

Looking down at his hand once more, that was still held and then to the hand on his lapel he brought his own green-blue hues to lock with the feline ones in front of him. Just as he’d made the correct assumption the cat being lonely. It seems it was time for the Cat King to make one about the ghost.

“You’re right. I am afraid, of a great many things, it would seem. Most of them centered around dealing with things I feel, and because I don’t… no can’t seem to process them the way normal people do, I hurt others in the process.”

Edwin was thoughtful for another moment. “Save Niko, I’ve been cruel or biting to everyone I know at some point or another. I said vile things to Crystal upon meeting her, out of spite. I lashed out at Charles for wanting to keep her around, because I saw his interest in her, and I was jealous. Monty because he lied, but also because of him pointing out my feelings for Charles in front of you. Then finally at you, for no more than the fact that you confuse me. Because it was easier and more convenient in the moment to convince myself that I was being used as a toy, because I didn’t understand my own feelings at the time. If I’m honest, I don’t know that I’ve completely unraveled them, even to date. I feel…”  He trailed off, the rest of the sentence spoken not by himself, but by the voice next to him.

“Lost.”

The way it was said, with such empathy and certainty that it cracked something open inside of Edwin to the point that he could just nod.

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

Thomas had honestly never dreamed that just trying to get Edwin to talk about hugs would lead to all of this. It was amazing. A true glimpse inside of Edwin Payne’s mind, not just that, his very soul, and it was beautiful. Full of hurt, sure, but beautiful for it nonetheless.

And where Thomas had been fascinated and more than a bit besotted before. He was completely and totally gone now, and having just realized it, he knew he was too late to stop it. He was Irrevocably and utterly in love with the ghost next to him. But Edwin wasn’t ready to hear that yet. More’s the pity because he deserved to be loved and cherished, especially now after he spoke of himself in such harsh terms.

“Edwin, I have seen cruelty, true cruelty, as have you, I’m sure. Your wit and snarky remarks, while biting, are not as cruel as you think. More often than not, they can usually be plastered over later with a heartfelt apology. Personally, I appreciate you being a bit catty and bitchy. It’s hot. I forgave you and was already thinking of a way to approach you again not an hour after I left the forest. But you were taken before I could try again, and I was lamenting your loss to Hell.”

Thomas let out a sigh. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone in more dire need of a hug or more deserving of one than you. But I can tell, all of this is a bit overwhelming for you, at the moment. Maybe we try you giving a hug instead, it can be just as cathartic to hold onto, as it can be, to be held.”

With that there was a poof of purple smoke and a black cat in Thomas’ place. One that wasted no time in hopping up into Edwin’s lap and standing on it’s hind legs to nuzzle at the ghost’s cheek with a small meow.

There was a pause, and he could both feel and hear Edwin gasp at the unexpected turn of events. But then a tentative hand stroked down his back once, twice, before arms curled around his smaller form and held onto Thomas as if Edwin’s afterlife depended on it.

The cat grinned, and started to purr soothingly for his ghost, who seemed completely content to hold the black purring cat against his chest, and let Thomas nuzzle into his neck.

He'd transform back later, when he thinks Edwin will be ready for the tables to turn, but for now. He was going to close his eyes. All this emotion was quite weighing, and he had missed his nap earlier. Maybe a few minutes of shuteye, while Edwin enjoyed his hug.

Phase two complete.

Chapter Text

And denounce the power of death over our souls as secret words are said to start a war

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

It was an odd thing. He knew the Cat King was of course, a cat, but Edwin often considered him a man first, a cat second. So to have that cat form curled up against him and purring was very disorienting for the first few moments. But then he seemed to reconcile the noise with the form and was okay with it.

Edwin pet the small black cat’s body, as he would any cat, though he didn’t pet cats often, it was easy enough to piece together how he should. There had been only a barn cat at his grandmother’s country estate when he’d been little. A very old one at that, it never really let the young boy pet it. His parents had detested felines and opted for… other “pets”. There were his father’s hunting dogs. Snarling things that always barked too much and scared Edwin to death when he was small, who were quick to nip and bite, and the birds that his mother kept in her solarium. They too liked to bite, making Edwin afraid to go near animals at all.

Horses had been the only animal he’d ever been comfortable with. Of course that wasn’t an option anymore. Horses were too easily spooked by the dead. He’d not found one he could get near since his return from Hell that didn’t rear and whinny out of fear before taking off and away from his general direction, much to his dismay.

The detective’s mind was taken away from thinking about animals in general as he noticed something. The Cat King was asleep. The thought drawing a soft gasp from the ghost. He knew the other was more languid and comfortable with things and people than most. But to be asleep as Edwin held him, that was a level of trust that he was shocked to see. Especially in such a small and vulnerable form as this. It made him think back to the mirror. There wasn’t one in the Cannery before their meeting, not that he could recall. A doorway that lead straight into his realm was a big deal. Anyone could use it, couldn’t they? Or was it put there just for him? Was it enchanted so that no one else could use it but him? Even so, to be granted such free access…

Edwin’s brows furrowed as he ran fingers over the soft fur once more. Only Charles had ever trusted him that much… Something clicked. Maybe that wasn’t the case at all. Maybe there were others that trusted him like that as well, it was just that he was too closed off to see it? If people like The Cat King, or Crystal trusted him that much, should he not have that same level of trust in return. If the small body currently curled against his chest could believe that Edwin wouldn’t even think to harm him in any way, doesn’t he in return deserve that same level of trust from the ghost?

The revelation made something inside of his chest ache. How many times had he horribly misread the people that surrounded him since he’d come back from Hell? How many would have cared more, if he’d ever had just let them, instead of wanting to isolate himself with only Charles?

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

The Cat King was hugged a bit tighter than he had been before, waking Thomas from his slumber. A light trill sounded, before paws pushed back so that he could look at Edwin in his face. He had thought he would see a smug little smile or a smirk, ready to tease the all-powerful King about taking a cat nap. But instead, what he saw was raw, naked emotion, and self-reflection.

Apparently the nap had been too long and had given his little ghostie time to question himself or the situation and had done something to spook him. Gently detangling himself from Edwin’s arms and sat beside him for a moment before purple flame engulfed his form once more, and Thomas was back to his man-shaped form.

Edwin still had that lost look about him, and it killed Thomas to see it. Reaching out he gently rubbed a hand up and down Edwin’s back.

“Still with me darling?”

Edwin turned those haunted eyes towards Thomas and it startled him a little, because he’d seen that look before, but usually it was coming from the reflection of a mirror. One that he'd witnessed not too awfully long ago, after Esther had beat him to death over the very detective next to him. What horrors had the poor boy seen to leave that look? Probably more than Thomas could ever fathom, even in his longer-lived years.

“I know I said it in a joking tone the first time we met here, but you really are safe here Edw-umph!”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence before he felt the other had leaned into his space and wrapped his arms around Thomas’ middle, his face buried somewhere between the Cat King’s neck and clavicle.

If he could see himself now, Thomas knows his eyes were probably comically wide for that first moment, but that didn’t stop him from bringing his arms around Edwin to hold him gently. The hand on his back slipped up to scratch lightly at the nape of his neck and into those dark locks in a comforting motion.

He felt Edwin give a shuddering little sigh at the motion and then realized the trembling seemed to still be there even after, it was the wetness soaking through his sweater that finally let it sink in, Edwin was crying, and trying to be quiet about it.  At first Thomas froze because he thought maybe it was him that was making Edwin uncomfortable, but then, the hands against his back had Thomas’ sweater bunched up. Like Edwin always held his hands together when he was stressed. Grasping into Thomas, as if he was afraid that the other was going to disappear.

Thomas closed his eyes and shook his head a bit. With everything he’d learned in the short time he’d been able to observe Edwin himself and through his cat’s eyes. Edwin was always go, go, go! He paced and got snarky when he was upset, he repressed and pressed things down, down, down. What the truth spell had revealed that time. Edwin was always plowing ahead, always moving forward, doing as much as he could so he’d never have to go back to Hell, but had been thrust back there anyway. Then only to come back to be tortured and lose a friend.

And to find out that no one had even held his hand since, god only knows no one had held him and let him cry it out. Fuck.. Charles probably never did either in the first thirty years after they met up. Maybe because he didn’t realize he needed to, and was dealing with his own shit, or that Edwin never let on that he needed it.

But a dam could only hold for so long. Thomas realized now that he’d started poking holes in it, when there had already been pretty big cracks forming already. He had to blink back his own feelings for the moment and just held onto Edwin all the tighter. It wasn’t about him right now, it was about Edwin and what he needed.

“It’s okay Edwin, I’ve got you.” His voice was a soft, soothing purr. Thinking about all he could do to soothe the ghost in his arms. That would come in a bit though, right now wasn’t the time for shushing or comforting words. He doubted Edwin had allowed himself a good cry after the trauma he’d been put through just in this town, let alone everything before that. Right now he’d be what the ghost needed, a shoulder to cry on, for as long as Edwin wanted it.

Chapter Text

With the warmth of your arms you saved me
I'm killing loneliness with you

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

Thomas wasn’t sure how long they stayed that way. Edwin a mess of tears against his chest as he silently soothed him with hands in his hair and across his back. It didn’t really matter anyway. He’d stopped time in his little dimension the moment they’d returned to it. Color him selfish, but he wanted as much time with his ghost as he could have. Who knows if after this, Edwin would ever deem it worthwhile to return. It was better to take what little time he was afforded now; in case he never got the chance to again. Having to wait another eight months before seeing the man in his arms again twisted his insides in a way he didn’t want to think about. It had been hard before, it was going to be impossible now that he’d witnessed all of this.

The shaking and sobbing had stopped a while back, but Edwin didn’t seem keen on moving at all. And while Thomas was more than aware that ghosts didn’t sleep, he could feel the exhaustion and the grief radiating off the other. Ghosts didn’t sleep, but that didn’t mean they didn’t need to rest.

Finally, minutes or hours later, he couldn’t tell. Edwin finally pushed himself up and away from Thomas’ chest and looked up at him. The detective still choosing to stay close, not pulling away out of the arms around him but just enough that he could be on eye level.

Thomas used his magic to summon a very soft, black, hankerchef and started to gently wipe away the tear tracks under Edwin’s eyes, a hint of a grin on his lips. “It is truly unfair how pretty you are, even after you’ve been sobbing. I’m a truly ugly crier, it’s not a sight anyone should ever have to see.” He watched as those emerald eyes stayed locked on his own, seemingly looking for something that was only known to Edwin. He opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and then after puzzling something out he started again.

“Thank you, Cat King, I-”

The Cat King in question held a finger up to Edwin’s lips to cut him off and silence him for a brief moment.

“Thomas.”

Edwin looked confused for a moment before his eyes went a bit wide. Speaking against the finger against his lips. “You didn’t have to-“

The finger pressed against the lips again.

“I know, I wanted to. You can be trusted to keep my secret, can you not?” Edwin was nodding, with a nod of his own he lowered his finger over Edwin's lips, slowly letting it drag against the bottom one before it fell away. Leaving him inwardly sighing as he did so. Of course, they were as soft as he’d always imagined, and if that wasn’t torture within itself.

Thomas motioned for Edwin to continue what he was saying, which seemed to knock him out of whatever trance he’d been in since hearing Thomas’ name. So, the detective started for the third time.

“Thank you, Thomas, I’m sorry to have burdened you with such things, taking up your time with-.” This time he was stopped not by a finger but a loud sigh.  Which of course made him furrow his brow and purse his lips at the Cat King that was sitting there, wearing a now knowing smile. “I’m trying to offer you a very sincere apology.”

“Oh I know ghostie. That’s the problem, actually that’s your entire problem, right there in the nutshell isn’t it?”

Thomas couldn’t help himself, as he reached out to run his fingers through Edwin’s hair again in a soothing motion, loving how it disrupted that very put together quaff and let the soft little curls pop out her and there, how he wanted to tousle all of it.

“What are you talking about? What do you mean by that? Speak plainly Thomas!”

The words were forceful and catty and demanded to be answered in that oh so Edwin way. He could barely keep his own little happy shiver at bay to hear Edwin say his name for the first time like that. But he only chuckled a deep little sound, that mirrored his purr almost completely.

“The reason you can’t relax with others, you think you are a burden, which I’m sure comes from deep-seated emotional trauma inflicted by your parents from when you were alive. Only made worse by the fact that you escaped Hell which is a burden you yourself bare, that those around you could not begin to comprehend on the same level as a lived experience. Because you ARE burdened you imagine yourself A burden. But it couldn’t be further from the truth. No one that truly cares about you, would ever think that about you.”

Thomas watched the dawning recognition on Edwin’s face. Always so wonderfully perceptive about everything around him, but never himself. It was amusing to watch. Though getting close enough to see it, it meant that he was close enough for Edwin to observe and read him like an open book, and boy had he ever. Edwin had pegged Thomas easily, seen right through to the core of him, and what’s worse, made him look at himself. Not the façade, but his true self, and he wasn’t always fond of that look in the mirror. But maybe for tonight, it was worth it all, to get to see this side of Edwin.

 

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

With each syllable that Thomas uttered Edwin’s mind was awash with new thoughts. The first one being that The Cat King’s name was Thomas. Because of course it was because he was a Tomcat. He almost wanted to roll his eyes at how on the nose it was for him. But that leads to other thoughts. Tricksters didn’t just give out their names to anyone, and magical beings certainly didn’t. Names had power and as a bit of a mage himself, he could feel it lingering on the fringes. It was a true name, and even Thomas said he knew he could trust Edwin with not telling anyone else. Because there it was again, just like the mirror. Trust.

Thomas trusted Edwin not to spread his name, in the same way he trusted Edwin to walk right into his kingdom. Some could argue it was simple arrogance that Thomas did so, because he believed himself to be the more powerful of them, but Edwin didn’t get that impression at all. There wasn’t a doubt in Thomas’ mind that Edwin would hurt him physically because Thomas cared about him. Really cared. He’d basically just said as much in his explanation of Edwin’s inability to relax around others.

“You care.” Edwin said contemplatively, looking at Thomas, and stunning the Cat King from what he was going to say next. In turn he tilted his head and looked down at Edwin, with that grin still turning up the corners of his lips.

“I would have thought it slightly obvious by now Kitten.”

Edwin blinked several times, taken off guard by the new name. He couldn’t blush, but the facial features were enough to give it away that he would be, if he could. He shook himself out of his slightly surprised state and continued on with what he’d been saying.

“The mirror.” He stated, which seemingly didn’t get the immediate response he wanted, other than a raised eyebrow. “The mirror buried back behind the crates, where I came in. It wasn’t here before, and you aren’t the type to leave a doorway open to just any ghost that might want to get into your kingdom. How long has it been there?”

Now it was Thomas’ turn to avert his eyes and become very enamored with how his fingers gently twisted in Edwin’s hair still. He gave a bit of a shrug, trying to look nonchalant about the whole thing.

“A month or so…”

Now it was Edwin’s turn to see beyond and not let his eyes waver from the golden orbs that were trying desperately to look anywhere else other than his own.

“And where was it before that?”

Thomas rolled his tongue around in his mouth and sucked on his teeth for a moment, as if he’d tasted something sour that he disliked very much. The trickster didn’t like things being pointed out to him in such a way, Edwin knew, it didn’t stop him from doing it anyway. Charles always said he lacked bedside manners, and he wasn’t wrong. Not when the detective was anxious to get to the truth of a matter.

With an overly dramatic and put upon sigh, Thomas rolled his eyes and then looked at Edwin. “Next to my throne.”

“Why did you move it?”

“Why did you wait eight months to come see me?” Thomas fired back rapidly but then shook his head and was looking away again. “Apologies, I didn’t mean for that to come out as bitter as it sounded.” The next sigh was softer, and Edwin was fighting the urge to move to make Thomas meet his gaze again, but honestly, he didn’t want to run the risk that it would dislodge the hand from his back or his hair, and he didn’t want that. Apparently, cats weren’t the only beings that appreciated being pet in such away.

“Hope is a dangerous thing to give a being such as me Edwin, it’s not something we often receive. You point out, my one rather glaring flaw, then say it’s something yourself has an issue with, give me a kiss, then you disappear back to London. I figured you’d be back to visit as soon as you were settled again. Two or three weeks wasn’t long to wait… But then the cats said they were done fixing the butcher shop. There was a for sale sign in the window, and your psychic and your guard dog were seen boarding the ferry, but no sign of you. Jenny left not long after… Still, hope prevailed. Surely, you’d pop back by to see Mick, or maybe even would need my magical expertise on a case… Three months, four months… By the sixth month, I couldn’t stand the sight of it anymore.”

Edwin finally managed to get into Thomas’ line of sight again, by bringing his hand up from where it had been wrapped around the other’s back and placed it on the Cat King’s cheek. It was warm and he could feel the hint of stubble under his fingers, it was a wonderful feeling. It forced those feline eyes back to his own. They were a little glassy, how they’d been in the alleyway that day before he’d left.

“Who can all use the mirror, Thomas?” Edwin asked and saw where the man was warring with himself on just how much information he wanted to give away with his answers. But the brush of Edwin’s thumb and the saying of his name seemed to wear down that wall.  “Just you…” He paused and huffed that overdramatic sigh again. “…and Charles.” This made Edwin quark a brow. “Don’t think that much into it, Kitten. It’s so he could come and find me if you needed me and were unable to come yourself. Not that he ever would, but the option has always been there all the same.”

Edwin’s little grin was amused, and it made Thomas roll his eyes, before shutting them and rubbing his cheek into Edwin’s hand like the cat he was, seeking affection. “For what it’s worth Thomas, I am sorry, you are right, I should have come much sooner, I’ve been a bad friend.” Thomas snorted a bit at that.

“It’s fine ghostie, I understand. We’re on different levels, always have been. I missed you, you didn’t mis-“ Now it was Edwin’s finger against Thomas’ lips.

“But I did miss you, Thomas. If I hadn’t, your lily wouldn’t be in a vase on the corner of my desk to remind me of you, now, would it? Nor would you have been the only person that I even considered coming to with this issue.”

The Cat King, looking completely flabbergasted behind Edwin’s long finger on his lips, was a good look on Thomas, if Edwin did say so himself. Maybe he’d have to put that look on his face more often.

“Really?”

“Yes really.”

Edwin felt the kiss to his finger and then it was his turn to be a bit shocked, as he gently pulled it away to look at the smug little grin on Thomas’ lips. Which really shouldn’t be as attractive as it is. Honestly none of him should be as attractive as he is.

“You missed me….”

“I believe I just stated that fact, yes.”

“You kept the lily…”

“I stated that fact as well. Thomas are you hard of hearing?”

“You said we were friends…” Thomas’ grin getting wider as he leaned in towards Edwin.

“Are you just going to parrot back every point I’ve just made to you, yes we are.” Edwin rolled his eyes so hard he was sure they were going to rattle around in the back of his head.

“Can I kiss you then?”

“Wha-?! I… How did any of that add up to me saying we should kiss?”

“Friends kiss.”

“Since when?”

“You kissed me in the alleyway. Was I not your friend by then? Or just merely an acquaintance, or a stranger. Do you make it a habit of going around and kissing strangers Detective?”

“You know I don’t! And I… Well… That is to say…” Edwin was all sorts of frustrated and confused now. And it did not help that Thomas was too bloody handsome for his own good, or that the little scar above his lip that was hovering so close was beyond tempting, or that after everything that had been said and done together tonight that there was a new trust and feelings between them that had not been there before. Or the fact that there was still a hand rubbing soothing circles onto his back or gently toying with his hair.

“…..fine….”

“REALLY?!”

“I said you could, didn’t I?!”

༻༺   ❀  ༻༺

Oh, but Edwin was something else when he was flustered and just a bit combative. It was hot on a level that Thomas couldn’t even begin to describe to someone that had never witnessed it before.

So here they were, Edwin in his arms, not doing nearly a good enough job of hiding the fact that he was really enjoying Thomas’ hands on him and had basically achieved what he set out to do. At ease, sharing someone else’s space and being comfortable with them, while being sad, truthful, and now playful.

Edwin had said they were friends, that he had been missed. That hope was burning in Thomas, there was a new purpose now.

He saw the way Edwin’s eyes not so subtly flicked down to his lips. The ghost wasn’t fooling anyone with his thoughts, Thomas only making it worse when he licked them and felt Edwin’s tiny gasp and watched his pupils dilate just a hair.

Sliding his hand from Edwin’s hair down to the nape of his neck to pull the ghost in another fraction, before leaning in to nuzzle at that soft cheek. “Close your eyes, Kitten.” He purred and felt those eyelashes brush against his own skin as Edwin did as he was told. He trailed his lips down, the barest hint of them on skin, aiming for those slightly parted lips…. Before pulling away and up to press the gentlest of kisses on Edwin’s nose, and then pulling away, the biggest, cheekiest grin on his face, showing a hint of fang.

Those green-gray eyes opened, and Edwin blinked several times. Looking surprised, and then very confused. Not understanding at all what just happened. Thomas had no doubt though that he’d pick up on it rather quickly though.

“That’s it?”

“Why yes, you told me I could give you a kiss, so I did. I’m sorry, was it not to your liking? Did you want more?” Thomas quirked a brow, with that same cocksure grin.

Edwin went to speak, but then the realization of what just happened dawned on him.  Thomas watched it all fall into place behind his eyes, and how his entire expression changed, and Edwin grinned.

“No, I think that will do… for now.”

Thomas nodded and watched as Edwin resettled himself to lay his head back on Thomas’ chest, this time closer to his heart to listen to it. The Cat King of Port Townsend magicked up some extra pillows behind his own back so he could sprawl happily. A nice warm blanket with a heating enchantment that even Edwin would be able to feel draped over the detective’s form.

This would do for now. A new gauntlet had been thrown down at Edwin’s feet, a new game, if the other was wanting to play it, which it seemed he was. They’d go at Edwin’s pace. Thomas could wait, because Edwin was worth it.

Phase Three Complete.