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Godai is shivering despite the heat blowing at full blast in the car. He’s buried in the heavy, dry coat Ichijou put over his shaking shoulders as he knelt in the red stained snow. He absently rubs his thumb over his scuffed, bloody knuckles, and doesn’t stop shaking. His eyes are distant, so distant Ichijou feels he might have already lost him.
He parks in the airport departures lane, deserted in the small hours of a snowy day. The roar of the heater cuts off suddenly, leaving only the sound of their breathing and the engine ticking as it cools.
“Sorry, I--” “I’m sorry, Ichijou-san--” they say in unison.
Ichijou glances over, nodding quietly.
“I’m sorry for making you do this,” says Godai. “I just…I need…” His eyes keep darting off to a distant place he desperately longs for. Away from this. Away from this horror Ichiou dragged him into.
“It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.” He tentatively holds out his thumb. “Right?”
Godai hesitates just a breath before mirroring the gesture with his bloody hands. The worst cuts on his knuckles are already repairing themselves.
Godai smiles, and it’s pale like a winter sun. But it is still a smile.
“Do you…” Ichijou doesn’t know what to say. Do you think you’ll be back. Do you know how much I love you. Do you want me to come with you.
He never would say any of these things, so he doesn’t.
“I don’t know where I’m going, but I’ll figure it out as I go,” says Godai. The shaking is imperceptible now. There a shard of a smile in his distant eyes.
It was so selfish of Ichijou to chain him to the ground, break his smile to this amount.
Godai opens the car door, and the noises of the world crash back into the warm interior of the car. His boots crunch on the concrete as he picks up his old, beat up backpack from the passenger seat.
“Well…goodbye, Ichijou-san,” he says, leaning on the car to beam his smile inside. “...and thank you.”
Take me with you. “Goodbye.”
Godai closes the door and plunges Ichijou in deafening silence again.
He glares at the steering wheel because he doesn’t want to see him leave. Obstinate until the end.
That’s how he misses Godai striding back to the car - at least until he’s got the door open and he’s leaning in, one knee in the passenger seat and his hands at the back of Ichijou’s head, and Ichijou was already turning and it’s just natural to let himself be lead.
He doesn’t even have the time to close his eyes before the kiss is over but it’s the most intense sensation he’s ever felt in his life, electricity radiating white hot from Godai’s mouth against his to the tips of his every hair.
“It’s so selfish,” breathes Godai on his lips. “But will you wait? Ichijou-san?”
“Yes,” he says without even thinking. “However long it takes.”
“Really?” Godai is smiling for real now, and their foreheads are touching so Ichijou is blasted point blank with the giddiness and joy of it. He smiles back.
“Yeah.” He’ll wait forever if he has to. Nobody will ever make him feel like Godai Yusuke does, anyway.
“I’ll be back,” murmurs Godai, and kisses him again. “I promise.”
“I know. Stay safe.” He wants to say but he’s not sure it came out alright. More of a croak that makes Godai smile.
Ichijou watches him go now, dazed. Godai raises a thumbs-up from over his shoulder, and disappears through the sliding doors.
Ichijou misses the ignition three times with his shaking hands.The sun is breaking through the clouds as he pulls out of the departures lane.
Despite everything, a smile is threatening to bloom on his face.