Chapter Text
“Are you sure this will work?” the anxious man said, his hands carefully cupping the dark, yellow solution as a sliver of it trickled out onto the dirt below. “Both HYDRA and Weapon X-”
“Have brilliance that is of no significance when compared to mine,” another man stated, his face hidden by the green hood that surrounded his body. As he walked over to the wall, where his notes were taped, his cape billowed behind him. “And if you doubt me again, I will not be as lenient. The material you brought me were items I could find in my refrigerator. Cross my generosity again, and your family will pay the price.”
The other man paled, then turned his head back to the solution, where the last drops of it was slowly absorbed by the dirt. “It’s finished.”
His regal cape whipping behind him, the man rushed over to the pile of dirt on the table, awaiting his results. After a few moments passed, a slight rumble shook the ground of his mansion, furthering his expectation. Both men leaned forward, their eyes focused on a single spot on the dirt that was still quivering.
“Behold, the most terrifying creature this world will ever see,” the man with the armor declared. His companion sharply took in a breath as the dirt was moved, by...something. “With this, I will be able to pronounce myself as ruler of the world!” he exclaimed triumphantly, his excitement pooling over the edge.
“At the end of this day, all will know the name of-”
“Mew?”
Stuttering to a stop, he stared at the being that just arose from the dirt. It stared right back at him with bright blue eyes, then mewed again. The dirt shook again, and before long, almost a dozen little kittens were rolling around the dirt, playing with each other and mewling happily.
“What is this?” he said quietly. When the other man didn’t answer, he slammed his fist against the table, startling one kitten that just popped up, causing her to fall off the table altogether. “WHAT IS THIS?”
You shook your head, a little bit dizzy from the jump down, and was about to mew when you heard a very scary man’s voice. Instead, you decided to cower in the crack between the walls instead.
“I-I’m so sorry, I thought I grabbed the tyrannosaurus teeth. I must have grabbed the sabertooth instead-”
The powerful blast emanating from the top of the table was enough to make you hide your face in between your paws. A second ago, your brothers and sisters were meowing on the dirt, but now, it was silent. You didn’t dare make a sound.
“If you need something done, you must do it yourself, as the saying goes,” the man growled, and your tail began to puff involuntarily. “Of course, it doesn’t hurt to use technology to take care of the dirty work,” he chuckled lowly. You had to resist the urge to mew, otherwise the bad human might hear you, and you’ll end up just like…
Like your brothers and sisters.
Suddenly, a crash sounded through the hall, scaring you further into the crack. The scary man grunted, and his body fell with a thud in front of your hiding place. Tilting your head, you spied him rubbing his own, which had dark liquid flowing from an angry red cut on his forehead.
“Bombs are so much fun!” a different man’s voice yelled, but he didn’t sound at all threatening. In fact, he sounded pretty happy, and not at all as scared as you were. “Everything’s all quiet in the first second, but then after you throw it, it’s all raining body parts! Like food fights! What do you mean, that’s not mature?” he cried, then paused. “Oh, yeah, you’re right. Then the tacos wouldn’t get to be eaten.”
“Deadpool,” the man said with gritted teeth, slowly making his way up.
“That’s my name,” the other one answered cheerfully. “I’d ask if you wanted my number, but eh, you’re not really my type.” He paused again, then continued, saying, “Do I have a type? Or is that too self-centered or something? Who would I want to go out with?”
“Let me guess. Annoying mercenaries like you?” he asked, his voice dripping with malice.
Apparently, the intruder didn’t pick up on that, because he replied, “No! Of course not! I can’t date myself! What kind of stupid question is-OH MY TACOS!”
The stranger pushed the mean man to the floor, his red feet practically brushing your whiskers. “Dead kittens!”
A shot rang through the air, causing you to whimper just the slightest bit, and a little, metal thing fell to the floor, coated with that dark, red liquid. Silence permeated the air for a second, before the man in front of you turned around. “Rude,” he said haughtily.
The next few seconds, your senses shut down, mostly because those moments seemed to pass at the blink of an eyes. There were a few screams, a few laughs, and a few shouts of, “TACOS!” You couldn’t see what was happening because you had decided to hide your face into your paws once again, cowering in instinctive fear.
Finally, the sounds ceased, and all that was left was the sound of metal being sheathed, and the footfalls that were...quickly approaching you…
“Mew!” you yelped, forgetting that he could most likely hear you, and before you knew it, you were being lifted up, out of the crack, into the air, and onto the grip of a man wearing a red and black suit, who was grinning widely.
“Well, well, well,” he said, leaning closer to get a better look at you. “Looks like you managed to hide real good, huh?” He paused again, tilting his head as if he was listening to something in his ear. “What do you mean, she looks scared? I’m not scary!”
“Meow,” you said, still attempting to hide your tiny face. In response, he placed you gently on the table, where you were able to spot a few red marks on your fluffy fur that definitely weren’t there the second before. “Mew,” you complained, poking the stains in an attempt to get them off.
“Sorry about that,” he said in a sing-songy voice, patting your head.
“Mew,” you grumbled.
“I said I was sorry!” he exclaimed. “Anyways, the reason I’m here is ‘cause you know the guy that was just here?”
“Mew?”
“Yeah, he was doing’ some stuff his boss told him not to do, so I got paid to, ahem, un-alive him,” he said in a discreet voice while also whispering very indiscreetly. The man tilted his head again, and exclaimed, “What do you mean, it’s a kitten and it doesn’t care? That explanation wasn’t for her!”
Uninterested, you began wandering away, until the man in red grabbed you by your midsection and pulled you back. “Uh, excuse me? I’m trying to provide some imperative exposition here?”
“Mew!” you whined, staring at the red stains that have somehow grown bigger. You then began to stare at him.
“Oh, we’re gonna play that game, are we?” he asked, putting his hands on his hips defiantly. “We’ll see about that!”
The man immediately kneeled down and faced you, his white eyes concentrated on your own. After a few seconds, you decided that you were bored and began wandering away again.
He rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Fine. Be that way. But I’m going.”
“Mew,” you said happily, digging your tiny paws into the dirt you were born in. The man looked back at your tiny body as you were slowly making your way deeper and deeper into the hole you were creating.
He groaned and lifted the bottom of his mask so that his chin and mouth were showing as he stomped back over to you. Right before you fell into your hole, he scooped you up and walked with you outside. You craned your head, trying desperately to find the hole you made. “Mew!”
“Hey, I get it, you have an unhealthy obsession with dirt, but I need a sidekick!” he exclaimed.
“Mew,” you complained.
“You’ll like being with me!” he assured cheerfully. “I saw the blueprint thingies that guy made, and apparently, he was making some forever-hunting skeleton warriors or something like that. I’m thinking you’re some kind of immortal, fluffy, assassin kitten?”
“Mew,” you replied, playing with the flap of dry skin hanging from his mouth.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he said happily. “From now on, you’ll be known as Mini Deadpool!”
“Mew!” you exclaimed, spotting a butterfly pass by.
“I’ll get you your own katana later,” he decided.
~~~~~~
Time Skip brought to you by Deadpool’s Chimichangas
~~~~~~
As it turns out, you didn’t need any katanas. It wasn’t long before the mercenary found out that his guess at your immortality was right, as after you accidentally bumped into a table and had glass break on you, the wound healed almost instantly, and you hadn’t grown since he first found you.
Something else he discovered as he fed you some of his leftover chimichangas was that your claws were wicked sharp enough to shred metal, you could run at the speed of light, can lift objects fifty times your size, and for some reason, your fur stayed fluffy even if you got wet.
Don’t ask how he found out all that while feeding you.
That’s his business.
But anyhow, over time, you grew a reputation, which mostly involved the term, “Deadpool’s Crazy-Ass Kitten,” which, through the way your owner talked about it, must have been very flattering. You also knew it was a good thing, because whenever you walked through that one scary street, the storekeepers would leave fresh milk. Yummy.
However, there came a day where your entire life would turn around.
You got lost.