Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Stark, this is a highly dangerous criminal,” hissed Nick Fury, glaring at Tony Stark.

Tony awkwardly nodded. “Yes, but still.”

“Still what, Stark? This isn't a dangerous criminal?” The Widow spat out.

“That's the least of our problems right now,” answered Tony, trying to redirect the attention elsewhere.

“A dangerous criminal is the least of our problems, Tony?” yelled Captain America, also known as the guy that everyone calls Captain but isn't one, or just Steve Rogers.

After the whole civil war thing, almost every single conversation Tony had with the Rogues that he was forced to welcome back were all just like this. But this was a different situation, quite a different situation.

“I'm sorta begging you to let him go, please.” Tony forced a smile on his face as he said that sentence. He rarely said ‘please’, excluding waiters and waitresses but that's different, and never to the Rogues and Fury, but Tony would rather not deal with the aftermath of this shit.

“So you can date him, just like Loki?’’ snapped Clint Barton. Tony actually thought maybe he was friends with the Hawk, before the whole civil war thing. How funny how that turned out.

Tony threw up a little when he processed what the Hawk even said. “Oh fuck no.”

Hadrian had a perfectly obsessive boyfriend that Tony would rather never meet again, especially with the fact that the boyfriend was a dark lord that tried to kill Hadrian in the past. Even so, they were perfect for each other. Hadrian Peverell was obsessed with Thomas Slytherin, and vice versa.

“Why did you kidnap Anthony?” asked Loki-Doki, poofing into the room with magic.

“Your boyfriend decided that you weren't enough and tried to break out a recently captured criminal,” deadpanned Fury.

“What?” Loki immediately turned to Tony, asking for an explanation.

Tony sighed. “Even if Hadrian Peverell is a fucking criminal, he's dozens of times better than his boyfriend.”

“Wait a moment, you know the criminal?” asked The Widow, glaring at Tony. “No wonder you want him out. You're trying to bail out your friend.”

“Nah, he isn't.” Mostly everyone turned to the new voice.

Tony sighed. “Hadrian, did you have to stay there for over six hours?”

“Six hours? I'm surprised that Thomas isn't here yet then,” hummed Hadrian, taking out and twirling his wand that he never uses.

“I have a feeling that Azrael is just pulling Thomas back,” replied Tony, tilting his head slightly.

Hadrian nodded in agreement. “I suppose so,’’ he muttered.

“HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF YOU CUFFS?” yelled Fury. Now multiple guns were being pointed at Hadrian.

“Magic,” Hadrian replied as he snapped his fingers and the gun was summoned into a pile in front of him.

“The Master of Death,” said Loki, clearing his throat. “I wasn't aware you knew Anthony.”

Hadrian blinked. He muttered quietly, “More of Master of most of Death's responsibilities but okay,” before asking, “Did he not tell you?”

Tony blinked back at Hadrian. “I might have forgotten?”

“As always,” mutters Rogers.

“Oh wowsers, I didn't know the US pardoned the Rogues,” giggled Hadrian, eyeing Rogers, the Widow, and the Hawk. “Especially you.” Hadrian stares at Rogers, with a sharp grin.

“Hadrian, no.”
“Hadrian, yes.”

“We are not talking about Siberia,” sighed Tony.

“Ah yes, because I didn't take over a week to heal your ass,” Hadrian rolled his eyes.

Tony stared at Hadrian, confused. “You took a week? You said it was a day.”

Hadrian places his index on his mouth, making a shushing gesture. “Shush, the week includes MACUSA asking politely for me to do three different speeches, the British Ministry trying to kill me again because of the next dark lord thing, Hogwarts calling me to fix its wards, and Vlad wanting to have a drinking party with me and his coven.” Hadrian swayed his hands back and forth. “And no, that does not include the time Thomas randomly asked for me.”

“Oh, that makes a lot more sense,” Tony hummed.

“Anyways, a day of me healing Anthony is quite a lot considering…” Hadrian walked up to Tony, and stabbed him with a knife in the arm. And not even a few seconds later, the stab wound disappeared along with any sign of it in the first place. “This.”

“Did you really have to stab me?” Tony asked, looking at where Hadrian stabbed him.

“Be glad I haven't mixed up that knife with my dagger,” replied Hadrian with a small smile. Tony only awkwardly laughed, knowing Hadrian was talking about the dagger that was embedded with Basilisk Venom, the venom of one of the most deadly creatures. “Oh yeah, question, where is the bitch that decided messing up your mind was a good idea?”

Tony tilted his head to the right side. “Very likely with Vision, despite the many attempts of me telling Vision not to be with her.”

“Aw shucks, I actually wanted to fuck up her mind even more,” whined Hadrian. And knowing who Hadrian is, he somewhat already did somehow.

“Are we just going to ignore that he just stabbed Stark?” asked the Hawk.

“Am I going to ignore the fact that Rogers over there jammed Anthony's chest with a vibranium shield and left him in a cold ice land?” asked Hadrian, turning to the Hawk with a wider smile, but it was a lot more forced, while pointing to Rogers.

“HE WAS ATTACKING BUCKY!” yelled Rogers.

“And you didn't tell him about the murder of his parents,” argued back Hadrian, eyeing the Widow's reaction of freezing up for a moment.

“We were trying to protect his feelings,” sighed Rogers, as if Hadrian was wrong. Tony knew Hadrian was not.

“I’m starting to be confused on how my brother decided to-”

“Forgive them for endangering one of his shield brothers?” cutted in Hadrian with a grin. “He was the one who decided to choke Anthony without the suit.”

“Because he thought everyone in the Avengers was enhanced,” argued Tony. This was a topic Hadrian and Tony fought about for a while, and tended to avoid it.

“Enhanced does not mean immortal,” hissed Hadrian, almost slipping into Parseltongue, some sort of snake language that both he and his boyfriend spoke. “Even if it does mean immortal, it does not mean it doesn't hurt.”

Tony sighed. “And here I thought you said you had a bad memory.”

Hadrian giggled. “I do. I sincerely forgot your lover's name, again.”

This time Tony facepalmed. “Loki, the god of Mischief, Chaos, and Fire.”

Hadrian made an o shape with his mouth. “Oh, Loki-Doki.”

“Yes.” Tony nodded.

“Also known as Liesmith, Silvertongue, Reindeer Games, Rudolph, Lover of The Merchant, Missing Son of Laufey, The One Odin Stole, Luke Smith, Lola Mischief, Linda Miller, Alan Faux, Thomas William Hiddleston, Katherine 'Cathy' Blues, The Unknown Flame, and Former Odin Impersonator,” listed off Hadrian absentmindedly.

“Yes.” Tony nodded again. This time with an eye roll. Times like these remind Tony that Hadrian is just as dramatic as Tony, if not even more. 

Chapter Text

Many of the people in the room were staring at Hadrian, confused on how this person could know so much about someone they clearly spent more time with, even if not always on such good terms, considering Loki supposedly did raise an alien army to invade Earth via New York. Especially Fury, since he didn't even know some of the information.

Hadrian's expression then turned into an apologetic one as he turned to Loki. “By the way, sorry for which one I ended off. I know you have a rocky relationship with him.”

“It’s quite alright,” replied Loki shortly. Unlike the most people in the room, he merely looked amused. Loki knew who Hadrian was, after all.

“Lover of The Merchant?” asked the Widow, pointing out that specific name. “Wouldn't that mean Stark?” Oh yeah, Tony forgot that everyone joked about him and Loki dating, but never really really believed it.

“Do you really have that much trust issues?” asked Hadrian toward Tony.

Tony shrugged. “Well, it’s a good thing I do, since look at how this turned out when I haven't told them.”

Hadrian hissed something, probably a curse. “Sometimes it's good to put out some information, Anthony.” Hadrian turned his gaze to the Rogues. “Y'know to threaten people to not to betray you.”

“I'm not that intimidating,” muttered Tony, as the Hawk said, “Stark's not intimidating.”

“So you didn't threaten Hela because Thanos kept sending courtship presents to Hela but it was being sent to everyone of us?” asked Hadrian raising his right eyebrow at Tony.

“We do not talk about that.” Tony cleared his throat. “Especially that.”

“Thanos, as the enemy that we're up against right now?” asked the Hawk.

“Shut up, shut up.” Tony gave a long exhale. “It was when random corpses were appearing right next to me, usually in the middle of the night, because Thanos didn't think Death was multiple entities, when he meant to send it to Hela.”

“Azrael and I had the same problem. Thomas actually wanted to kill the guy, but sadly that interfered with Fate's plan. Azrael had to explain to multiple angels, and even during a meeting.” Hadrian shrugged. “Anbuis had mummified the supposed courtship presents and are currently just in his collection of mummified bodies.”

“Supposed courtship presents?” repeated the Widow, strangely.

“They were just dead bodies often without heads, and sometimes with their throats slit,” replied Hadrian.

“How does Death not like death as a courtship present?” asked the Hawk, genuinely.

“A body without a head means the receiver of the sender's mind. A body with a slitted throat means the sender can't breath without the receiver,’’ Tony explained. “And considering who it is, can't breath without Death, it is a stupid present.”

Hadrian shook his head. “No, a body without a head meaning the receiver is thoughtless, an insult. Just a head means the receiver is on the sender's mind.”

“That makes a lot more sense actually,” hummed Tony. “I mixed them up.” Despite what many in the room believed, Tony was willing to own up to his mistakes. 

Hadrian chuckled. “Mhm, you should see Thomas's lovely collection of gifts to me. Especially the ones with persevered beating hearts. So romantic,” he cooed.

“When are you going to send me one, Anthony?” hummed Loki.

Tony blinked. He never actually thought about sending one. “Next week if I have time.”

“You don't,” replied Hadrian, almost immediately.

“The meeting's next week, isn't it?” groaned Tony at Hadrian's nod. “Next next week then.”

“Disgusting, you're murdering people for the sake of your partner?” grimaced Rogers.

“As if you aren't Rogers,” scoffed Hadrian. “Did you or did you injure, if not kill, the people in Lagos during the whole situation of you trying to get your lovely Bucky, who everyone assumed set off a bomb in the Vienna International Centre, also known as a fucking terrorist, because you didn't want him hurt.”

“Those deaths were accidents,” Rogers defensively replied. Mostly everyone gave Rogers a 'Are you sure about that?’ look. The Hawks were excluded, as his phone seemed to be ringing and he walked out of the room.

Hadrian rolled his head. “Yeah, and I accidentally burned Albus Dumbledore to death for trying to send me to my death with accidental magic.”

“Half of the time, I'm very unsure if you're sarcastic, Hadrian,” sighed Tony.

“I'm not.”
“I know.”
“You do?”
“Of course, but do you have to be this way?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“This is how I communicate and vent my feelings, Anthony Edward Stark.”
“Okay fine, I'll back off.”

“Question, why is the title ‘Lover of The Merchant’ important?” asked the Widow.

“Because I am The Merchant of Death, and things of Death are important,” explained Tony, not really trying to go over it.

“Pfft, yeah they are. Unless you're Fate, because that means you're even more important,” laughed away Hadrian. “For example, the Arc Reactor was a lovely thing Fate planned…”

“...and it sucked to do open heart surgery without anesthesia to stick a car battery in you,” continued Tony.

“Is this Fate in charge of love?” asked Loki, probably thinking if he needed to thank anyone for getting his love.

Tony shook his head. “Nope, there's a whole set in charge of love too, a bit less than Death though.”

“Well, there are also subcategories for love, familial, friendship, lovers. That's why cupids are a fucking thing,” hummed Hadrian.

“Language,” muttered Rogers.

“Fucking English, dumbarse,” replied Hadrian.

“Dumbarse?” repeated Tony, laughing.

“Oh shut up, An-”

“OH THERE YOU ARE HADRIAN!” yelled Thomas, appearing out of nowhere, and diving onto Hadrian, knocking him into the floor.

“You're late,” answered Hadrian, quite muffled.

“Anthony,” Thomas turned to Tony. “Are they the ones who kidnapped my lover?”

Tony gave a quick nod.

“Do I have permission-”

“No killing,” answered Tony and Hadrian at the same time.

Thomas frowned a little. “Fine.” He rather suddenly hugged Tony tightly. Tony almost immediately froze and went limp.

Hadrian cleared his throat. “I recommend letting him go, Thomas.”

“But why? Didn't he save you?” asked Thomas. “Hugs are for affection right?”

“Yeah, but-”

“Take your hands off of my Anthony,” threatened Loki.

Thomas let go, frowning a little. Thomas blinked a few times before rubbing his head. “Ah, is he the one that I wasn't supposed to hug in any circumstances because of the incident.”

“Yes,” sighed Hadrian, while bonking Thomas in the head with his hand. “You fucking dumbarse.”

“Woops,” Thomas turned to Tony. “Sorry about that.” He bowed slightly down with his head. “I sincerely apologize.”

“I-It’s fine, just don't do that again,” sighed Tony, his hands still shaking slightly. Loki held his left hand softly, which helped rather a lot.

Thomas blinked at Tony for a moment, looking up and down a few times, before nodding. “Anyways, I'm going to take Hadrian now and also return to my Deatheaters,” waved Thomas, before both he and Hadrian poofed away. Before they did, Hadrian mouth the words ‘and to punish him for taking so fucking long' a couple times, but Tony doubted anyone really noticed.

“Deatheaters? As in that group in Britain?” asked the Widow. “The one that removed the dictator Albus Dumbledore.”

“Yes, exactly that,” confirmed Tony. Although Tony felt the Widow thought they were some kind of good organization, which was absolutely wrong. The Deatheaters are practically members of Thomas’ secret society that do his bidding, which more often than not, involves killing. The entire new terrorist incident in London in the last few years? Deatheaters did that. 

The Widow's expression nodded in understanding. “Well, then. I think it's safe to say we shouldn't bother them.”

“But he's a dangerous criminal!”

“And so were you Rogers,” replied Fury, likely finally realizing why Tony told them to let Hadrian go in the first place. That sentence made Rogers go into silence, which was nice. More people should shut Rogers up.

“Anyways, I shall be leaving with my boyfriend before another random thing tries to interfere with our time together,” said Tony, turning to Loki.

After that, they both disappeared.

“Did we just let them go?” asked the Hawk walking back in.

The Widow nodded. “Better to let them go with them saying please than a whole massacre.”

“Indeed,” agreed Fury.