Chapter Text
“If mercenaries survive long enough to retire, they get fat!” Jeralth laughed as he made the comment. He, Byleth and the rest of the mercenary company were celebrating the retirement of Alun, who had been with the company for five years but was getting out while he still could.
“So, here’s to you getting fat, Alun!” everybody cheered and chugged down their beer.
“But I hope your wife doesn’t get fat!” someone shouted out. Byleth wasn’t sure who.
“Is it bad for wives to get fat?” Byleth asked.
Jeralt looked sad, “I wouldn’t have minded. It would have meant she lived. But some people keep chasing young girls with lithe bodies and leaving their wives whose bodies were changed from giving birth and being at home with the kids. Heck, some of the men who joined up with us are running from their fat wives and the brats they fathered!” Jeralt laughed.
Byleth didn’t get it. But she put it out of her mind. She doubted she would live long enough to retire and get fat. She also doubted she would be anyone’s wife. Men and women gave her plenty of attention. But she didn’t get the appeal of sex.
She had even gone to a brothel and watched a “show”, as the brothel’s madam put it. It was interesting, but she put it at the same level as watching two people spar. She did not get the urge to “touch herself”, as the madam suggested she should be. In the end, the madam concluded that she might be one of those ascetics who did not feel bodily desires.
That was probably the case. Byleth concluded as she dug into her roasted haunch of goat. She was most likely going to die on the battlefield. Single, her body still a lean, muscular killing machine and not a padded round figure of a woman living a peaceful life with a partner and possibly even a child or two.
Queen Byleth was quite fat. Multiple childbirths will do that to you, especially when you are used to a lot of exercise and eating ten meals a day!
It was a cycle. Byleth would start a very strict regime of diet and exercise, but then Dimitri would get her pregnant again, and there would go her diet and exercise regime. To think there was a time when Byleth didn’t get why sex was a big deal!
Turns out, she just needed to be in love to turn into a sex fiend. Of course, she could have gone on birth control, but truth be told, she wanted to give Dimitri as many children as she could. Unfortunately, she could feel that she was nearing her childbearing limit.
Still, baby number three was firmly in her belly. Her big fat ugly belly, “You're going to leave me!” Byleth suddenly burst into tears as she looked at herself in the mirror.
Behind her, Dimitri let out a long-suffering sigh, “Beloved, as I have told you many, many times before. I do not know what kind of a man could bring himself to leave his wife because her body changed due to giving birth to his children. But even at my most beastly, I would not fall that far.”
They were in their bed chamber in Castle Fhirdiad, and they were supposed to be getting dressed to go down to the sunroom for breakfast.
Unfortunately, while getting dressed, Byleth found that the maternity clothes she could wear for this stage of her pregnancy last time, were now too tight. Coupled with the dream from last night, it was making her emotional and insecure. Especially since Dimitri still had the physique of a well-honed warrior at his peak.
Byleth moved away from the mirror to join Dimitri near the closet. He was shirtless since he was in the middle of getting dressed. Normally, he would have pulled out the nearest clean shirt. But Felix was in town, and Dimitri always felt self-conscious around the ever-effortlessly stylish Duke Fraldarius.
Byleth cuddled into Dimitri and started caressing his chest and his abs. He was still so toned. It made her sad. He was supposed to be fat by now. Fat and happy. Byleth pouted. Why wasn’t he fat yet?
“I dreamt of my father last night. It was a memory of one of the handful of times one of our mercs chose to retire to a peaceful life instead of keeping going until they fell.”
“Oh? A pleasant recollection then?”
“More or less. The occasion was happy, but that was the day I learnt that men leave their wives if they get fat,” Dimitri made a disapproving noise in the back of his throat as Byleth continued, “But my father said he would have preferred my mother lived even if she were to become fat after my birth.”
Dimitri laughed, “Your father was from Faerghus, wasn’t he? I’ll tell you a secret about us Faerghus men. We love our women plump and full,” he said as he effortlessly lifted Byleth off her feet and nuzzled the side of her face, “It’s the cold. Soft, butterball ladies are warm and make us simple Northmen happy!”
Byleth giggled, and her moment of insecurity about her body passed. But an earnest wish to see a chubby Dimitri took root in her heart. After all, Dimitri deserved a jolly belly!
“Papa here, eat this pie,” Princess Felicity handed Dimitri a cream-filled pie as she manoeuvred herself on his lap, holding the picture Hilda drew of him wearing bunny years and eating dandelions, “We found this picture! Why are you a bunny? I thought we were lions?”
“Yes, Uncle Majesty,” said Glenn Faldarius as she climbed onto the sofa next to them, “Why did you turn into a bunny?” she then handed Dimitri some pouch, “It’s dried jerky! Papa smoked them himself!”
“You have to eat and tell us the story!” Felicity declared.
“But I am not hungry.”
“You are never hungry! Mamma and Uncle Dedue both said that you wouldn’t eat for days if they didn’t make you! Now eat!”
“Alright, alright,” Dimitri started to munch the food the girls had given him, “A long time ago. Our castle was invaded by people who wanted to destroy the Lions of Faerghus. They tried to hurt me and took my eye off me. I was able to escape with the help of your Uncle Dedue. But I couldn’t be a lion. Because they were hunting for lions.”
“I know some of this story. Mama tried to tell us, but Papa always gets upset when she starts,” Glenn turned all her attention towards Dimitri’s eye, “Why didn’t you come to Papa?” Glenn asked, “Papa is your shield! He would have protected you! He’s still upset about that, you know. Every time Mama starts telling us the story, he interrupts her and goes on a rant about how you are stubborn and that if you had come to Fraldarius, we could have ended the war sooner.”
Dimitri struggled with the answer. Those five years were like a void in his memory. He had no idea why he didn’t head to Fraldarius after he had recovered. He would like to think it was strategic since it would have been expected that he would head that way. Perhaps it was noble, and he didn’t want to get any more of his friends killed. Maybe it was both.
However, at some point during those five years, all reason left him. He didn’t have a motivation beyond a desire to kill Edelgard for invading Faerghus, for conspiring with those who hurt his family and himself. He did not go north at that point because Edelgard was south. If he had met up with Felix and his other friends at that point, he would have surely dragged them to their deaths with the leash of whatever loyalty and love they had left for him.
However, that was all too complicated for girls as young as his daughter and that of Felix. So, instead, he said, “My enemies were looking for lions heading north. So I was a bunny heading south!”
“So you could meet Mommy?” prompted Felicity.
Dimitri smiled, “Despite being magnificently ferocious in battle, your mother is a kind and gentle soul off it. Bunny me, with only dandelions for food, knew I would be safe with her.”
He had no memory of why he turned toward Garreg Mach all those years ago. It was true that Imperial soldiers were pursuing him, and Garreg Mach Monastery was the last place he felt truly safe. But it was not a conscious decision.
If some part of him remembered the Millennium Festival, it was far from his conscious thought, or so he believed. He could not remember. His first clear memory was of seeing his beloved before him and believing her to be a ghost.
She had woken up from a five-year healing slumber. In a way, he had too. Like a faithful paladin, called back to life to serve his sworn goddess. But for now, that was all too dark for the girls.
He needed a diversion, “Do you see how your Aunt Hilda drew me eating dandelions?”
“Yes!” the girls said in unison.
“Do you know why?”
“I know, Mommy told me!” Felicity interjected, holding up her hand as if she was with her tutors, “You had to forage to survive!”
“That’s right! A lot of plants are considered weeds in times of peace and plenty, become lifesavers in times of famine and war. I had a lot of dandelion salads to survive when I was on the run.”
“Are dandelions tasty?” wondered Glenn.
“Why don’t we find out? Do you girls want to go out in the garden and gather some dandelions?”
“Yes!” cried the girls in delight.
“Alright, let’s go to the garden and see if we can gather enough dandelions for a salad. But we have to be as sneaky and careful as bunnies since your Uncle Dedue wouldn’t like us eating weeds.” Dimitri couldn’t have kept the grin off his face even if he wanted.
“We’ll be the best bunnies ever!” declared Felicity as she and Glenn led the way to the garden.
My Dear Honorable Father,
“Oh, no, what had Rodrigue done now?” thought Dimitri as he read the note his eldest had left on his study desk.
Would you kindly do me the honour of joining me for afternoon tea today in the east pavilion at the 4th hour past noon?
Your Beloved Son,
Prince Rodrigue
“Dear Sothis, please let this not be a disaster that I cannot save Rodrigue or the kingdom from!” prayed Dimitri as he made his way to the east garden and its pavilion.
When Dimitri was a child, his most reckless adventure involved following one of Faerghus’s famed pegasus messengers into the frozen mountains with Felix and nearly freezing to death. Rodrigue’s most reckless adventure to date nearly plunged Fodlan and Almyra into a war with Morfis and earned the ire of Duma, who was apparently a god from another world. Somehow, a part of Duma’s essence was in Morfis and was being worshipped there.
Rodrigue claimed Sothis told him he needed to take the essence and free it so Duma could be whole in the ever-after, rest and be reborn. Neither the people of Morfis, nor the angry avatar of Duma, which manifested following Rodrigue’s attempts to free Duma, seem to agree. It got dicey, but in the end, Duma was defeated, the people of Morfis were appeased. Still, Dimitri worried about Rodrigue. Especially when he was with Tiana.
Speaking of Tiana, she was the first person Dimitri noticed when he got to the pavilion, “Does Claude know you are here?” Dimitri asked. He should be calling Claude - King Khalid, but the king of kings in Almyra assured Dimitri that he didn’t mind if his old friend continued to call him Claude when their families were alone.
Tiana smiled, “Yes!”
She was lying. Dimitri knew her well enough to know her tells, but he wasn’t about to let her know he knew her tells. With an exhausted sigh, he made a mental note to send word to Claude on the whereabouts of his daughter.
“I sent a formal invitation!” Rodrigue added indignantly.
He was not lying. That was enough for Dimitri to piece together the situation. Rodrigue had sent a formal invite, similar to the one he sent Dimitri, to Tiana. Tiana came in response to the invite, but she either didn’t ask for permission or wasn’t given permission but came anyway.
Perhaps she left a note so she could claim that she let Claude know. But that was probably the extent of it. Dimitri sighed again. Claude was a lot more hands-off with his kids. But surely even the easy-going Claude would worry if he was suddenly informed that his ten-year-old daughter was off on her own.
Dimitri took a deep breath, and as he slowly let it out, he made the decision to focus on the present and worry about Claude and Almyra later. If things proceeded according to Tiana and Rodrigue’s plan, she would be his daughter-by-law soon enough. As such, he might as well just focus on enjoying this fine Fhirdiad day with them and dream about the cute grandchildren they might one day give him.
Dimitri took a seat opposite his son and Claude’s daughter and lowered his gaze to the table ladened with food. Most of which was wholly new to him, “What’s all this?”
“They are Almyran sweets!” explained Tiana, “Since you can’t taste, I picked desserts with varied textures. We have Halva, Shir Berenj, Faloodeh Shirazi, Kulfi, and Soan papdi. Although Soan papdi isn’t from Almyra but from one of our trading partners further east. But it has a great texture. So I think you’ll like it.”
“We also have cookies, cakes and other things,” Rodrique pointed to the small selection of more familiar fare.
“What’s the occasion?” Dimitri wondered.
“Your continued inability to take care of yourself!”
“I am taking care of myself,” Dimitri protested meekly.
“Then why is mom so stressed out? You can’t stress her out, you know. It’s bad for the baby!” Dimitri said that a lot of Rodrique when Byleth was pregnant with Felicity.
In retrospect, it wasn’t the right thing to do. Dimitri had caused Rodrigue distress when the small child had just wanted some attention from his mom. But that was the nature of parenting. You made mistakes despite your best efforts, and all you could do was pray that your mistakes didn’t do any permanent damage.
“You know, your Uncle Felix was the most difficult young man. When we were squires together and then later students at the Officers Academy, I genuinely feared he might turn his back on the Kingdom,” Dimitri dug into the various Almyran desserts Tiana had somehow hauled all the way to Fhirdiad, “How did you bring everything here?”
“I put them in those new cooler boxes,” these were portable boxes infused with ice magic. It had been invented by the Fhirdiad School of Sorcery and had proven a great hit not only in Fodlan but also in Almyra and beyond.
“I flew over on my Wyvern. He’s very tired. So I’ll have to stay here for at least a week! I hope that won’t be a problem,” she was giving him her best puppy dog eyes.
It was very effective, “No, it won’t be a problem. But you shouldn’t stress you Wyvern like that. Wyverns aren’t designed to fly those long distances.”
“Oh, I didn’t fly my Wyvern all the way! I hitched a ride on Grimwald. He was visiting his Uncle, Lord Holst. So he gave me a ride until the Duchy of Goneril, and I flew from there.”
“Riding a Nabatean, a divine beast, feels wrong,” Dimitri commented.
“Grimwald didn’t mind!” projected Tiana.
Dimitri let it go, “We didn’t know, you know. The true nature of the Saints or crests or that our Professor Seteth was actually Saint Cichol. I wonder if I would have noticed if I wasn't so consumed by other thoughts when I was in the Officers’ Academy. I was telling you about your Uncle Felix, wasn’t I?”
“He took words spoken by his father, Duke Rodrigue Fraldarius, the person you are named after, the wrong way and became angry. He was so angry that if things had been different, he might well have left Faerghus forever and become a wandering mercenary.”
“Uncle Felix would have been miserable as a mercenary,” Rodrigue said with conviction, “But he’s so stupidly stubborn that I bet he would have stayed on his path no matter what! I bet he would have died an ignominious death in a ditch somewhere if he became a wandering blade instead of the Shield of Faerghus.”
“Death in a ditch might well have been my fate while I was on the run,” Dimitri replied, “It can be all our fates if we are not careful. That’s why I hope you and I will never have a misunderstanding that leads to you running away from home. Not to mention, I hope we always have peace so we can enjoy afternoons like this,” he smiled at his son and potentially his future daughter-in-law.
“I don’t think Mom will allow us to have needless misunderstandings,” Rodrigue pointed out before solemnly vowing, “And I will work hard to ensure that the peace you, Mom and your friends worked so hard to win won’t be broken!”
“Peace, unfortunately, cannot last forever,” Dimitri lamented, “Do your best when it is your turn to wear the crown. That is all I will ever ask of you and Tiana,” There was no harm in indulging his son’s and Claude’s daughter’s fantasies about their shared future.
It was highly unlikely that the two of them would end up together. After all, when Dimitri was Rodrigue’s age, he thought he would end up marrying Felix!
He had not yet met his beloved. So he couldn’t dream about her. The future might well lead both Rodrigue and Tiana to meet someone they loved more than each other. But if they did end up together, he hoped they would reign well and long.
“You're not eating!”
“But I ate so much while we were talking!”
“Not enough!”
“Let me pour you some coffee,” Tiana reached for the coffee pot, “I heard you can still taste bitter things.”
Dimitri laughed, “Yes, unfortunately, or fortunately, given that poisons are often bitter, I cannot taste sweetness, but bitterness often seeps through.”
The poetry of the observation was lost on the children. But Dimitri found amusement in his own musings as he tucked back into the variety of sweets from Almyra and beyond.
Pregnancy made Byleth unpredictable. So Dimitri had begun to expect the unexpected. But still, he was surprised when Byleth suddenly burst into tears as they lay in bed nake. One moment, she was gently caressing his abs, and the next moment, she was bawling her eyes out.
“Beloved, what’s wrong!”
“Why aren’t you fat?”
“I am sorry?”
“The kids have been giving you snacks, I told the kitchen to add extra fats and sugar to your portions and still, still you have a flat stomach! I wanted us to be fat together!”
“I… um… beloved, I am sorry, but I can’t get fat.”
“Why not? Why do you refuse to let yourself go? We are at peace! You don’t need your body to be war-ready!”
“It’s not that,” Dimitri interjected, “It’s my crest! It won’t let me get fat. My grandfather was a renowned glutton. He still couldn’t get fat. I can eat a horse for you every day, and I still wouldn’t get fat. I just can’t.”
Byleth started crying harder, “Edelgard was right. Crests are evil!”
Dimitri didn’t know what to say to that, “Beloved, if this is still about me being happy. I am happy, and if it makes you believe me, I can. I can put a pillow under my shirt or something…”
“It’s not the same! I wanted you to have a jolly belly!”
“Beloved,” Dimitri was lost, “What can I do to make you feel better? I’ll do anything I am physically able to do.”
“I want you to get the kitchen to send up all the pies they have, and I want you to eat them,” Byleth’s tone was determined, “We will defeat your crest yet!”
Dimitri wisely decided to indulge his Beloved instead of trying to reason with a very pregnant and thus very emotional Queen of Faerghus and Archbishop of Fodlan.