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Tenn has always been fond of his first life. A simple farmer’s son whose day rotated around chores walking through the endless fields and then returning home before sunset. He didn’t have a last name but life was good, each day passing peacefully. Waking up early, working, enjoying the view, laughing with a twin brother he’ll meet again in a future life, going to bed under the bright sky. He enjoyed how monotonous life was, where he had yet to learn about what was to come.
Their first meeting was uneventful and mundane.
Tenn’s favorite spot in the whole village was the small hill surrounded by wildflowers. He would sit there and watch as the setting sun painted the field with splashes of beautiful orange and red. The air was always quiet and allowed the young man to think.
However, what greets him on a certain day is instead a loud yelp followed by a thud. Freezing, Tenn gazes at the figure lying facedown on the ground carefully. He sees tufts of mint green hair, specks of dirt, and wildflowers streaking the strands. The person groans before pulling himself upright before Tenn manages to offer. They curse colorfully while examining their body. When they finally look up, Tenn’s breath catches slightly when their eyes meet.
Gold, like the setting sun.
“Are you alright?” He speaks up.
The person, a young man, looks at him with a frozen expression before his cheeks turn bright red. There’s also a big red spot on his forehead and leaves still stuck to his hair despite how desperately he tries to brush it away. His lips quirk downwards when he notices the way Tenn is holding back a laugh.
“Rude!” The other man huffs, kicking aside the rock that presumably caused his tumble across the ground. “Do you get a sick thrill out of seeing strangers fall down?”
“I’m sorry,” Tenn clears his throat. “Then do you need some assistance?”
“I’m fine, thank you very much.” He sighs, looking up at the sky that has begun to turn orange.
Tenn lets his eyes linger on the other man’s face. Underneath the dirt, leaves, and the forming bruise on his forehead, he looks even younger than Tenn, an almost boyish face if not for the sharp frown etched across his eyebrows.
“Are you here for the sunset?” Tenn finds himself asking.
“W-well, yeah,” The other man's (surprisingly) honest answer is (surprisingly, again) quiet, almost shy. Tenn blinks confusedly at the vague answer which causes the gold-eyed man to huff frustratedly. “My grandma told me to go and see.”
Tenn hums and walks toward his favorite spot in the middle of the wildflower clearing. The other man follows though he doesn’t sit. Instead he eyes the ground with wariness in his eyes. Tenn almost laughs again, wanting to remark how the ground wouldn’t bite. Wisely, he stays quiet as the other continues to speak without cue.
“She said it was her favorite view.” His eyes turn to the sky again, his gaze seemingly taking in every speck of light in the air.
“Your grandmother has wonderful taste. I have to agree.” Tenn smiles. “Why don’t you sit? This happens to be the best spot to watch.”
He seems to hesitate, shifting from one foot to the other. For a moment, Tenn thought he would decline. They were strangers who only knew each other for less than a sunset, it would not be odd for the golden-eyed man to distrust him. Still, he hoped the other man would agree and it’s only when he sits down that Tenn realizes why.
The way their shoulders brushed against one another, the feeling of someone’s warmth next to him, the feeling of having company was nicer than Tenn had anticipated. And to think it came from a stranger with captivating eyes.
“Apologies, I forgot to ask for your name.” His eyes linger once more on the other man’s face, this time entranced by the way the colors of the sunset paint his skin. He almost doesn’t regret missing the actual set.
“Haruka. It’s Haruka. And you are?”
“Tenn,” He responds, feeling a bit dazed all of a sudden.
Haruka meets his eyes again, this time with a slight smile. “Nice to meet you.”
Nothing extraordinary happens in this life.
They meet, and they watch countless sunsets together every evening. Their time in the evening stretches to the night until finally to the whole day. It isn’t the kind of story you would find in a fairytale book or a grand masterpiece. It was quiet and it bloomed slowly.
Haruka liked to ask what-ifs questions in the evenings when his mood turned melancholic. Perhaps due to the sunset or something else, Tenn has never quite figured it out. Once, as he used Tenn’s legs as a pillow as they lounged under the shades of a tree, he asked, “Who do you think you were in a previous life?”
Tenn only shrugs, running his fingers through Haruka’s hair absentmindedly. He hadn’t thought about questions like that back then, perfectly content in a quiet life filled with comforting routine. However, he still answered. “Come find me in the next life and I’ll tell you about this one.”
He meant it as a joke, mostly. Their days continued, unchanging for many days.
The first time Haruka recalls his memories was a jarring experience.
At the age of twenty, humming songs under his breath as he works the sewing machine, he locks eyes with a customer across the room. Their eyes are similar to something in his memories yet he couldn’t quite recall what. He ignored it at the time, returning his attention to the sewing machine.
He was a tailor in this life, learning how to inherit a dress shop from his mentor. Life has been fine if not with its usual trials and tribulations. He meets people and dreams of blurry faces that he could’ve sworn were smiling at him and warmth enveloping his hands.
The customer shuffled close to him and greeted him. A gentle voice that spoke politely and distantly. It was what jolted him awake. He flinched, almost ruining the stitching of his current project. The man in front of him looks to be a noble, dressed cleanly in a simple yet expensive suit.
Haruka searched his eyes, blurred images finally making sense in the back of his mind. Those eyes, that smile, and that voice. There is no mistaking the person standing in front of his eyes.
Haruka smiles genuinely at him, a burst of hope inside his chest. And yet, when the nobleman speaks to him, the tailor realizes something. Something that withers away that bright hope.
The first time Haruka realized that memories don’t always return was a heartbreaking experience.
“Don’t you ever get tired of going to the same tailor?”
Tenn looks up from the book laid across his lap and looks up with a fond smile. Even as an older gentleman, Haruka thinks Tenn looks the same as when he was young save for the lines under his eyes and across his forehead. His smile looks the same and the same could be said for that light in his eyes.
“Are you perhaps sick of your most loyal customer?”
Haruka snorts. “Of course not. Because you keep giving me money.” He finishes up the fabric in his hands and folds it up neatly. His mentor would be proud of his speed if they were still alive. He hears Tenn laugh at his answer and Haruka sighs, thinking to himself.
This life has been moving so painfully slow when compared to their last life. He enjoys his work in this life but perhaps he’s growing sick of the monotony. It’s been a long few years since he regained his memories and during that time, he hasn’t exactly changed his routine much. Perhaps he really did need some changes in his life.
Haruka looks over at Tenn who’s gone back to reading his book.
His memories had never returned, despite Haruka anticipating it. That fresh hope had shifted as he watched Tenn build his life, start a family, and settle down. It feels bitter and unfair but not entirely so. Perhaps it's the years that've gone by. There’s a lingering longing in his heart but it’s not so heavy as before.
His love still persists though he’s accepted.
He doesn't think of himself as being this mature but here he was, smiling to himself as he chats and laughs with a precious beloved.
Not all of their lives were as mundane as being a farmer or a tailor. Haruka always particularly enjoyed the more fantastical and magical lives, it never fails to excite him. Like their lives as a mermaid and a prince, or the one where he lived as a dragon. None of them remembered each other in those lives, but Haruka has learned to just have fun with it when he does ultimately regain his memories in other lives. Tenn reincarnates into a prince so many times that it starts becoming a joke whenever they do remember. And honestly, Haruka couldn’t disagree with what fate decides. The person he loves does carry that regal sort of aura to him. Tenn is just a perfect image of a gentle, kind prince only told in fairy tale books.
So when Haruka one day reincarnates as a prince, he almost wants to laugh when he regains his memories. He remembers everything from the very beginning this time. Being reborn is an odd feeling. One moment he’s closing his eyes to go to sleep and the next he is blinking awake in his new life. It almost feels like falling into a dream as you sleep.
This time he makes a goal for himself. He would joke about his new royal title whenever he met Tenn.
Thankfully, Fate is particularly kind in this life.
Life as a prince is so much easier! Everything gets handed to you effortlessly. Anything he wants to play and anything he wants to eat is his as long as he demands it. To think in his other lives he was a dragon living in a decrepit tower with dead friends. Grief is also particularly weird. He remembers the feelings of experiencing his friends being gone but it strangely grows muted with each passing life until it’s nothing more but a distant memory that also grows blurred.
“Your Highness,” His nanny’s voice jolts him awake from his daydreaming. Haruka straightens himself up and finally pays attention. He ignores the way his nanny sighs at his lack of attention. “I would like to introduce you to someone.”
It’s then that Haruka notices the figure huddled near the woman. It looks to be a child of Haruka’s current age, maybe even a bit older. They’re wearing thick, dark robes with the hood pulled down to cover their face. Haruka eyes him curiously, feeling a familiar tugging at his heart.
“He’s a new apprentice to the royal mage,” The nanny explains, patting the other child’s shoulder. “Training to be one as well. You’re around the same age so I hope you’ll become friends.”
The other child seems to notice Haruka’s curious gaze, his slender hand coming up to slowly tug the hood away. Strands of pink hair escape the fabric until their face is finally out in the open. Haruka blinks. Well, this is a surprise. All their previous lives, their memories always awakened during adulthood, so seeing Tenn when he’s so young like this, it’s so odd. They studied each other for a few more moments. When Tenn smiles at him, a sparkle in his eyes, Haruka knows.
Oh, he remembers too.
“I’m the prince now,” Haruka would say later.
“I’ll be happy to teach you everything you don’t know.” Tenn would respond in a teasing tone that would annoy Haruka. “I have the experience, after all.”
“I think this life is my favorite,” Haruka mutters.
“Really? Because you’re finally the prince this time?”
Haruka makes a face and Tenn’s expression immediately softens. “That’s not it and you know why.”
They’re sitting on a picnic blanket beneath the shades of a large tree similar to the one they frequent in their first life. Haruka is half-heartedly eating a sandwich and Tenn is leaning against the tree with his knees tucked to his chest.
“I know,” Tenn plays with a leaf that had landed on Haruka’s hair. “I enjoy this too. It’s…nice, being able to spend so much time with you like this. It’s nice to have more time than usual. Though the fact that magic exists in this one worries me.” As if to demonstrate, Tenn sets the leaf on fire with his fingertips, extinguishing it quickly after and growing it back.
“Really? I think it’s fun.” Haruka mumbles as he chews on the sandwich thoughtfully.
“Don’t talk while you chew,” Tenn shakes his head. “We fought a giant sea witch last time. Magic means otherworldly monsters.”
“Come on, we totally won that battle!” Haruka grins, scooting closer to Tenn until he can lay his head on the older boy’s shoulder. “Nothing’s gonna happen,” He mutters. “It’s all gonna be nice and calm like we deserve.”
Tenn hums then kisses the top of his head. The peaceful moment persists.
Sometimes, Haruka’s feelings about Tenn feel faded and muted. He regains his memories this time when he blinks awake with little to no memories of this life. He hears muffled sobbing and a familiar face stares at him with wide eyes. It’s not Tenn this time, but Haruka knows this person too. He’s seen him with a multitude of roles, both good and bad.
“ Sensei, did something happen?”
The alchemist, Minami blinks before shaking his head, blonde hair falling across his eyes. Haruka ignores the dark shadows under his amber eyes and the exhausted aura that surrounds him. “Nothing. You should just rest for the day.”
Haruka squeezes his hand and retreats to his room. He reaches up, massaging his head to get rid of his headache as he processes what he remembers. He knows. He remembers who Tenn is and what he feels about the other person, but in lives like this one, it’s as if those feelings came from a dream. Beautiful but ultimately forgotten the next day.
As this life progresses and he meets more people he recognizes in previous lives, people he considers family in this life, Haruka has long stopped thinking about past loves, the warmth he feels from his friends and the beautiful scenery that lies before his eyes are what he thinks of the most.
“Labyrinth is a beautiful song, Isumi Haruka.”
“Geh, Kujo Tenn, what the-”
Tenn lifts an eyebrow and Haruka jumps and almost chokes with how quickly he shuts up. Well, it isn’t his fault that Kujo Tenn decided to sneak up on him and almost give him a heart attack when he was in the middle of his mini-break!
“That was your fault!” Haruka protests, holding a hand to his chest like that could calm his heart down. “Don’t sneak up on me like that. Seriously, what the fuck. ” He takes in a couple of deep breaths before finally managing to calm down for a moment. “And that song came out ages ago.”
“Does it matter? It doesn’t change my opinion.” Tenn tilts his head innocently. Haruka had to take a moment to gauge if the idol was actually telling the truth or not.
“Okay…thank you?” Haruka attempts to keep his words polite. Attempts. “What brought this on?”
“Hm? What do you mean?”
“Well, I mean…” Great, now he sounds awkward as hell. Keep it together for once.“Don’t you, uh, hate me?” He ends up blurting embarrassingly.
Tenn frowns. “No. While you can be quite annoying at times-”
“Huh?”
“- But no, I don’t exactly hate you even if we started on the wrong foot.” Haruka thinks that’s the understatement of the century. The pink-haired idol pauses for a moment before continuing. “Are you surprised that I listen to your songs?”
“A little?” Haruka admits. He didn’t think ZOOL’s songs were the kind of thing Kujo Tenn listened to.
“Why? I like the way the four of you sing.” Tenn says like he’s reading the state of the weather. “And again, I liked Labyrinth, you sing it very beautifully.”
“Um…thank you?” Awesome. He’s become absolutely speechless in front of Kujo Tenn. What a great job you’re doing of keeping it together, Isumi Haruka. Still, it’s not his fault that he doesn’t know how to answer Kujo Tenn’s compliments, especially when it drops out of nowhere like this.
“You know,” Tenn’s lips quirk up into a smile and Haruka feels his heart thud painfully against his chest. “Lunchtime is coming up soon. I was wondering if you wanted to join me. I’m alone today.”
Haruka swallows, nerves running up his spine. Lunch? Kujo Tenn is inviting him out for lunch? And it’ll be just the two of them? Nobody else but the two of them? Tenn patiently waits for his answer as Haruka stays frozen.
“S-sure?” He stutters before clearing his throat. “I mean, sure, I’ll go with you.”
Tenn’s expression brightens. “Then I’ll see you in an hour at the lobby.”
Haruka finally exhales when the other idol turns around to leave. Lunch with an idol he used to hate. That shouldn’t be a problem…right?
Tenn suggests a secluded cafe and Haruka agrees without thinking. Honestly, he’s feeling too much nervous energy to come up with original ideas on what to eat. Plus, he hasn’t been in Japan for a long time, he probably wouldn’t even know safe places to eat anyway. The place is a cozy location tucked away in a corner. There aren’t many customers there and the two idols could safely put away their masks so they could actually eat normally. Haruka is slightly wowed by the options they have but he decides on something light. His stomach can’t handle any more than this, he thinks.
“So…” Haruka starts, hands tucked under his thighs against the seats as he fidgets. “Why did you decide to listen to Labyrinth, anyway?”
Tenn half shrugs. “Would you believe me if I said I had a dream?”
“So?” Haruka frowns.
The older idol stirs his cup of hot chocolate absentmindedly, his other hand tucked under his chin. His eyes seem to follow the movement of the spoon. “I don’t know. I had a nice dream one night and I had the urge to listen to your song the moment I woke up.” Then he jokes lightly, “Maybe I dreamt of you.”
Haruka gapes, cheeks turning red. Kujo Tenn did not just say something like that to his face. He grabs his drink and sips it, hoping it’ll hide how red his cheeks are.
“You really like it?”
Tenn nods. “I told you. I do. Something about the way you sing…” He doesn’t get to finish his words as the waitress sets down their food in between them and their conversation ultimately moves away from the topic of Labyrinth and shifts to talking about upcoming jobs.
“I heard about your next acting role,” Tenn says, smiling. “A prince, huh?”
Haruka groans. “Don’t remind me. I’ve heard enough from Torao already, I don’t need you making fun of me as well.”
“I’m not,” Tenn insists though the smile remains on his lips. “I think you’re perfect for it.”
“Ha ha.” Haruka rolls his eyes, focusing his attention back on his food. “I’ll do my best but I don’t understand it. Aren’t princes more of your role?”
Tenn blinks, oddly silent, an odd look passing over his face, and then the fork in his hand slips from his grip, clanking against the floor, the sound causing him to jump slightly. Haruka frowns but before he can ask if the older idol is okay, Tenn swiftly grabs the utensil from the floor and sets it aside, his expression returning back to its previous one though he looks a bit more distracted than before.
“Yes, I suppose they are.”
“Haruka, I need you to be completely honest.”
The young center looks at Torao with a dumbfounded expression. What on earth is he talking about? They were all just sitting around in the office today, rewatching playbacks of their performances, when Torao suddenly went all serious. It makes Haruka feel nervous all of a sudden.
“What are you-?”
“Do you have a crush on Kujo Tenn?”
The room falls silent as Torao’s question attacks Haruka’s ears. Even Touma and Minami stop their conversation to look at Haruka; Touma, is shocked, and Minami, is curious. And Torao looked so dead serious in his question, leaving Haruka completely stunned for half a second, gaping in shock.
Then his face goes completely red as he sputters, “WHAT THE FU-”
“Just answer the question!”
Haruka grabs a pillow off the couch and throws it, aiming for Torao’s face. “WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT? I OBVIOUSLY DON’T!”
“What, you don’t?” Touma pipes in, genuine incredulity in his tone, which makes this so much worse. “But you-”
“Touma, be quiet! No, I don’t!” Haruka glares at their leader.
“Oh, but you seem so giddy these days, texting him so often during all hours of the day.” Minami teases, laughing softly. Haruka feels himself weeping inside at the critical damage just done to his soul.
“Minami, please,” He groans. “What is wrong with you guys?!”
Torao throws the pillow back at him, reaching up to fix up his hair. “See, I’m not the only one who noticed. You totally have a big crush on Kujo Tenn. Just admit it.”
“No! I hate all of you so much.”
“We support you, Haru! Good luck!” Touma grins, giving him two thumbs up as if that’s supposed to be encouraging. It’s not. Haruka throws the pillow at him this time, narrowly missing Minami.
Okay, so maybe he did have a crush.
So what?
It’s just a fleeting feeling that’ll disappear in a few months, why make such a big deal out of it? So maybe his heart beats a lot, a lot, faster when he’s near Kujo Tenn, and he can’t help but smile whenever he reads a text from the other idol. It won’t grow into anything further than a silly little crush. One he’ll laugh about in the future. It’s not like he actually wants to date Kujo Tenn who’s radiant like an angel and laughs in the prettiest way Haruka has ever-
He groans, burying his face into his pillow. This is all so ridiculous. How did these feelings evolve so fast? Not even that long ago, he’d been determined to see the idol fall from grace and now he wants nothing more to make Tenn genuinely smile and laugh. Haruka can’t tell if this is stupid or not. It all feels so unnatural and just ridiculous at times.
Haruka sighs and stares up at his ceiling. Was this even what a crush felt like? He’s wondered this a few times now. It just feels too odd, not at all like he’d imagined. Not that he ever had a crush before this. Sometimes it feels much too deep to be a simple crush, too heavy, yet he couldn’t have possibly known Kujo Tenn long enough for this to be called lov-
No.
Don’t go there.
He presses the heel of his palms against his eyes. What should he do now? It wasn’t supposed to be this dizzying.
“-ruka, Haruka. What’s wrong?”
Haruka blinks. Oh, right. He rubs his eyes and forces himself to look up. Next to him Kujo Tenn, staring at him with concern in his eyes. It’s a rare occasion. His grandma is out with her friends and they were having lunch together at Haruka’s house where they could be a little bit more open without the risk of getting seen by fans.
Haruka runs a hand across his face and pushes his plate away. The concern in Tenn’s eyes only deepens. “I’m not sure, I think I’m coming down with something.” He sighs. “I just keep having these weird dreams…”
Tenn puts down the utensils and presses the back of his hand against Haruka’s forehead. “You feel warm. I think we should get you to bed”
“I’m fine,” He insists, pushing the hand away.
“At least for a few minutes. I’m really worried about you.” Tenn gets up from his seat and gently helps Haruka to his bedroom, making him sit on his bed while he grabs some medicine from the nearest convenience store.
Honestly, Haruka doesn’t even think it’s a fever or anything. He’s just been having some really weird dreams that disturb his sleep, it isn’t a big deal. It’ll probably pass if he lets it run its course over the next few days. Still…the bed does look enticing and no one will complain if he did lie down for a few minutes, right?
The next time he opens his eyes, Tenn is back. A plastic bag is placed on the nightstand, a few brands of medicine peeking out from inside. Tenn is sitting beside the bed, checking his temperature again. Haruka groans, rubbing his eyes. “How long…?”
“Just a few minutes,” Tenn reassures him. “It might be the flu or maybe you’re just fatigued?” If Haruka was fully awake, he would’ve probably laughed at the rare uncertainty in Tenn’s voice. “You said you’ve been having weird dreams? Were they bad dreams?”
Haruka shakes his head and he hates to admit it but the bed is starting to feel good. “It’s all vague but it wakes me up at night…I don’t know.”
Tenn’s face seems to blur, and Haruka has to blink a few times to refocus, though it fails, and he yawns instead. Is this an effect of the medicine, or was he just really tired?
“Alright, rest up.” Fingers is running through his hair. Though his eyes are closed, he leans toward it, sighing at how good it feels. “I’ll be here until your grandma comes home, okay?”
He feels better when he wakes up. Still feeling a little groggy, he blinks awake and starts to look around. It’s still around evening, the sun is up in the sky. There’s no sound coming from outside his room meaning his grandma isn’t home yet. However, he jumps a little when his eyes land on Tenn sitting by his bed, staring into the wall contemplatively, though his attention snaps back to Haruka almost immediately after he wakes up.
“I feel fine,” Haruka answers, maybe a bit impatiently, before Tenn can ask him the dreaded question. “Thank you for watching out for me.”
“It’s alright,” Tenn says with a shake of his head. “You should probably sleep more, maybe call in sick tomorrow if you can?”
Haruka stares at him, blinking. His mind finally feels clearer than a few moments ago. Overall, he actually feels kind of great. Okay so maybe he should take the advice and fix up his sleeping schedule. Maybe. And with that, he truly has no idea why he blurts out the next few words without thinking it thoroughly.
“I think I like you.”
For a moment, they both freeze in place. It takes a moment for Haruka to realize what he’d just said, his entire face going red but not from the previous not-fever. A small part of him tries convincing him that there’s a chance Tenn won’t think of his confession as something romantic…but that hope is quickly dashed when Tenn looks at him with a stunned expression.
“FORGET I SAID THAT!” Haruka grabs the pillow from behind him and buries his face into it, hugging the pillow tightly. “REMOVE IT FROM YOUR MEMORY!”
The silence continues and with each passing second, Haruka feels himself dying from both embarrassment and horror. While yeah, he definitely did not plan this, why is Tenn so silent? Sure he told the other idol to remove the memory from his mind, but still! He should still say something. Anything. He just received a confession, a bad one sure but a confession nonetheless, he should say something! Taking a few deep breaths, Haruka removes the pillow and gathers the courage to face this head-on.
Tenn is staring with wide eyes but there’s no disgust or discomfort in his eyes, which is a win in Haruka’s book. A few deep breaths of his own and he seems to have gathered part of his composure. When their eyes meet, Haruka feels a shiver down his spine. Tenn doesn’t say a word which doesn’t help Haruka’s heartbeat, but he does reach out and hold his cheek, the skin feels cold against Haruka’s slightly feverish skin.
“Can I kiss you?” These are definitely not the words Haruka expects, but he nods anyway, a bit dazed at the request, an excited feeling rising in his chest. This…is a good sign, right?
Tenn’s lips feel cool. They barely touch for the first few seconds, but then Haruka pushes forward eagerly, letting their lips slot against each other more firmly. Tenn’s movements are tentative at first but soon his fingers slide from Haruka’s cheek to thread into his hair, holding him tenderly. It feels like it could last for ages but they break apart slowly. Haruka feels his cheeks heating up again but not from a dumb fever this time.
“Does this mean you…?” It feels like a stupid question after a kiss but he needs to be sure and Haruka feels delighted when he sees that Tenn is blushing too, lips smiling slightly.
“Of course it does.” Tenn leans forward and kisses his cheek before holding him gently. “You know, I feel like I’ve known you for so long in different lifetimes. Is that weird?”
Haruka rests his head on the crook of Tenn’s neck. Yeah, it might sound sappy and over the top but it sounds so true in his heart that Haruka can’t help but laugh. “If so, out of all of them, I like this one the best.”