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"Hyung, you know mpreg, right?"
Wonwoo went silent for a couple of seconds, just staring at the person who had just asked the question. Their conversations indeed spread in a very wide range of topics, from simple things like food to mind-crushing discussions like life after death or conspiracy theories. Occasionally, they would casually discuss the 'madness' of their fans. But this time, for God’s sake, the question surprised Wonwoo quite a bit. It's just way too absurd.
"I know. It stands for male pregnancy, right? Pregnant man.” Wonwoo replied with a small smile. "What's with that, Min?"
Mingyu showed his phone screen, "Look at this, everyone's going crazy. They say you're pregnant, heheheh."
Wonwoo chuckled lightly. He knows there are many fans out there who ship him with Mingyu. Shipper, that's what they're getting self-called. He happens to know during his finding about this spectrum of fandom, that there is a genre out there about men who can get pregnant. Something that Mingyu had just asked him about.
"I don't know what to say, actually. These people really have no limits when it comes to imagining things. They went beyond logical thought. It's cool and scares the shit out of me, if I may be frank.”
Mingyu just nodded in agreement. "But this photo really looks like you're pregnant. Cute."
Wonwoo stared intently at Mingyu. The wheels in his mind started to spin. Searching for a solution on how to explain what has been in his mind all this time along. Something that has been on the tip of his tongue countless times, but has never been said. Sometimes because Wonwoo is afraid, oftentimes because Wonwoo himself doesn't want to discuss it.
"Baby...." Wonwoo started his sentence by gently holding Mingyu's hand.
"Eh, yeah?" Mingyu replied with a blinding smile, always so happy whenever Wonwoo called him with that endearing term. "Why, my love?"
Wonwoo blushed involuntarily. His courage almost went out of his blood again. But if not right here right now, Wonwoo thought there would be no better time to discuss this matter. So he braced himself. Even with the most extreme risk where there would no longer be such sweet terms of endearment between them.
"Do you want to have a partner who can get pregnant?" Wonwoo's voice unconsciously became softer.
Mingyu noticed Wonwoo's discomfort. They have been together for several years. Starting from two trainees who shared joys and struggles, becoming friends, and eventually realizing their deep feelings for each other. Each of them has faced different storms to reach this stage. Starting from convincing themselves, convincing each other, to seeking approval from the people around them. But there will always be one storm they have to face, relentlessly: Where is this relationship headed?
"What are you thinking? Sorry, seems like what I said earlier made you sad, huh? Sorry, did my words make you sad?"
Wonwoo shook his head quickly. "No, dear. I'm not sad. I just... want to be realistic??"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I'm really happy that we're together like this, and I hope it lasts forever. But if you really want to have a partner who can get pregnant one day, I... I'm okay with it."
Mingyu raised his eyebrows upon hearing Wonwoo's strange words, "What do you mean by 'it's okay'... Care to explain it further, please, hyung? Is it okay if you get pregnant, or….?"
Wonwoo let out a heavy sigh. Mingyu, he always slips a joke into every one of their conversations. "Seriously now... It's not like I could be pregnant. You must understand what I mean, Mingyu..."
Mingyu extended his hand, the one that Wonwoo wasn't holding onto. Gently caressing his lover's cheek and starting to smile as he saw Wonwoo lean into his touch. "Babe, look at me."
"Hmm.."
"If one day the advanced technology allows you to get pregnant, and you want to, thank God. I would sell everything I have to pay for it, for sure. But even if it's not possible, it's still okay for me.”
"But if you really want a partner who can get pregnant, I don't mind..."
"Yeah, hopefully the technology will be advanced enough and I'll have enough money..."
"But if it doesn't, I don't mind if you still want it."
Mingyu lost his patience. "Do you mean I can find another partner who can get pregnant? Leaving you, just like that?"
Wonwoo fell silent, only responding with his gaze that became increasingly sorrowful and sad.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I don't want to hinder what makes you happy," Wonwoo said with a weak smile. "Maybe right now you're still comfortable with our relationship that won't go anywhere like this. Maybe you can still say it's okay if your partner can't get pregnant. But surely you will come to a point when you want all of that, dear. Whether you want a relationship that can be flaunted to the whole world, or you want a partner who can get pregnant.”
"Maybe. Maybe one day I want all of that. I'm also realistic," Mingyu replied firmly. "But, I'm not someone who lives in wishful thinking. What I have now, that's what I live by.
"Yeah, Mingyu. I understand. I'm also being realistic, if one day you want all of that, I don't want to be an obstacle. I also don't want to let you go with sadness."
"Is it really possible for us to let each other go, without sadness…?”
Wonwoo fell silent. He’s sure that he himself won't be able to. As cliché as it may sound, he is a hundred percent sure that letting go of Mingyu will be the exact one thing that stops his world. When that day comes, Wonwoo knows his life will change drastically. The day that had always been warm and comfortable would become a suffocating hell. Dragging him into despair.
But Mingyu? Wonwoo hopes that won't be the case for him. Hopefully, if life is indeed that cruel to this relationship, Mingyu will leave because he finds another happiness. Happiness that is more complete, more real, and more easily accepted by the world.
"Babe, answer me...?"
"No. I would definitely be devastated. I can't imagine not having you in my life anymore."
Mingyu suddenly pulled Wonwoo into his embrace. “JEON WONWOO! I CAN'T DO IT EITHER!"
They both then remained silent like that for a few minutes. Both of Wonwoo's hands were tightly wrapped around Mingyu's waist, while Mingyu let one of his hands caress the back of Wonwoo's head.
"Hyung, how many years have we been idols? You should already understand by now that there will always be something we have to give up to gain something else. We want to be popular, which means we lose a lot of privacy. We want the group to have many jobs, we have to lose a lot of rest time in exchanges. It's the same as us, babe. If I want to be with you, then I have to be ready not to have a partner who can get pregnant.”
"But you like it when you see pregnant women, right? I saw it as clear as the bright sky. If there's a staff or crew member who's pregnant, you always get excited."
Mingyu chuckled softly, "Are you jealous? What are you jealous of?”
Wonwoo rubbed his forehead against Mingyu's shoulder. "No, darling. Just letting you know what I've observed. Am I right?”
Mingyu tightened his embrace. "Of course. Who wouldn't be happy seeing pregnant women? They are in a tough battle where they are the intermediaries of God's great work of procreating. Their bodies are preparing for a new life.”
"That's exactly it, dear. I know how much you appreciate and feel happy every time you see pregnant women. So I don't want you to miss out on experiencing that with your partner just because your partner is me.”
Mingyu gently bumped his forehead against Wonwoo's forehead. "What are you gibbering about, hyung... In the future, my sister will get pregnant. Your brother too, if he has a wife, it's highly likely that she will get pregnant too.”
"Yes, but not your partner. It's different, dear."
Mingyu pinched Wonwoo's cheek, playfully. "How do you know it will be different? Do you already have a wife and she's pregnant? Are you really married and your wife is pregnant?"
"Oh Mingyu, please! That's nonsense!" Wonwoo responded with a serious expression.
Mingyu burst out laughing, his head tilted back. "Well, you've been talking nonsense this whole time too. What is it with you, always telling me to find another partner? I don't need a pregnant partner or anything like that, I only need you as my partner. Period."
Wonwoo stared intently at Mingyu. Trying to find the certainty in his boyfriend’s words. Convincing himself that despite there being many things they couldn't have, still wouldn't make him leave.
"Mingyu..."
"Yes, Jeon Wonwoo..." Mingyu responded with a gentle smile. Making Wonwoo unable to resist kissing his cheek.
"Thank you. Because you can accept me just as I am."
Mingyu's gaze softened upon hearing his lover's words. His heart suddenly felt tight. By feelings. Grateful to have met Wonwoo. Happy because this extraordinary person is his. Also hoping that, no matter how heavy the challenges they will face in the future, may they overcome everything together.
"Babe, I already told you earlier. If the technology allows and you want it, I'll pay anything to make it happen. But if it's not possible, then that's fine. I'm just grateful that you are mine. I am yours. We are like this together, that's enough for me. A partner is pregnant for only nine months. But with you, happiness lasts forever."
Instead of being touched and crying, and maybe kissing him, as Mingyu hoped, Wonwoo just rolled his eyes. A funny expression appeared on his face. "Boo. Your cheese won't mac me."
Mingyu chuckled. This, is his boyfriend. Can't be tricked with romantic and (well, Mingyu also admits) over the top words like that. But, well, you see, Mingyu is just trying to convey what he feels in his heart. Even to Mingyu, no matter how exaggerated his words were earlier, they still couldn't describe the immense love he has for Wonwoo.
"I'm just trying to be honest and open about my feelings. I love you that much, my love."
Wonwoo smirked, "Yeah, yeah... I know...."
"If you knew, why have you never said 'Mingyu saranghae'? Come on, try it now."
Instead of getting what he wanted, Mingyu found himself being pushed quite hard. The perpetrator is now running away from him. A mischievous grin was clearly visible on that cute face. Mingyu could only laugh at his antics.
*****
That night, as they were getting ready for bed, Mingyu once again tried to reassure Wonwoo. That there is nothing to be afraid of. There is nothing to worry about. Whether or not he can get pregnant, he will continue to love Wonwoo wholeheartedly. Will continue to stand by his side. He whispered sweet and warm words. He caressed the arm and the soft hair of his beloved. A kiss on the forehead as a bonus.
"Mingyu..." Wonwoo called softly, after Mingyu finally fell silent for several seconds. "Actually, I'm worried about it because of you, you know."
"What is it, babe... I already told you that seeing pregnant women makes me happy because..."
"That's not it," Wonwoo cut in quickly. "Do you remember when we were in Budapest?"
"Yeah, why?"
"When we........" Wonwoo paused for a moment, his cheeks suddenly became a deep shade of red, ".....make love."
Mingyu smiled. Holding back his giggles because his partner still often feels shy to mention that special activity. "Yeah, why is that, babe?"
"Whether you remember or not, but at that time, I had already reached my climax. You weren't. Then you moved faster, out of control, while saying something."
Mingyu's forehead immediately creased with a frown, trying to remember that moment. What could he have said to make Wonwoo worried? But not a single memory came to mind. "What are you talking about, babe?"
Wonwoo didn't answer right away; instead, he hid his face in Mingyu's chest. His ears are an even deeper shade of red. A sign that he was feeling very embarrassed. But his voice sounded faint as he answered Mingyu's question. "You said, 'oh please get pregnant’. How could I not think about it..."
Mingyu was taken aback. He doesn't remember ever saying anything like that. But he knew the exact reason why his mouth ended up saying something like that while they were in the middle of a 'special activity'.
"Oh my gosh, babe, forgive me, okay? I said that, not because I want a partner who can get pregnant, you know. Honestly, I didn't even realize I said that.”
"Damn it. How could you not realize and not remember? While I'm here getting lost in thought and restless by myself. Besides, why do you have to say things like that, tho?”
Without being able to stop it, a grin appeared on Mingyu's face. Showing a wide smile with both fangs clearly visible, while his eyes were filled with mischievous glints. "Because that night the ride was sooo yummy, babe. It brokes my brain and I started speaking nonsense. You really are not the type to get carried away when making love, I guess?”
Wonwoo didn't respond, instead, it was Mingyu's scream that could be heard when he became the target of Wonwoo's wrath. Pinched, hit on the arm, hair pulled. Until he was kicked off the bed. The bespectacled cat was annoyed; it turned out his worries were due to a silly reason.
-end