Chapter Text
To Seungmin, sometimes, the quiet mundane moments of life felt the loudest. Whether it be waiting in line, short breaks between classes, waiting to fall asleep or just waiting for food to heat up, Seungmin hated the silence, hated being alone in the silence.
Anyone who had access to his Google Calendar (basically, most of his friends so they would stop imposing into his study schedule) could see that he always had it filled to the brim with different routines or events. Heck, he even scheduled times where he was ‘free’ to hangout, practically dragging anyone who was willing to spend time with him.
But logically, he knew he couldn’t avoid those moments all together. So, he often turned to music when he was alone. Either through his phone speaker or the beat-up pair of earphones he’s owned since middle school. It had started with just Day6 but he had since expanded his playlist to various other artists and even some OSTs from the dramas Hyunjin made him watch.
Once again, as he found himself in an all too familiar bus, Seungmin plugged in his earphones, letting the eerie start of ‘I Wait’ drown out the low hum of the bus engine. Leaning back into his seat, he closed his eyes and let himself enjoy the music. He’d been down these roads many times before, almost memorizing it by heart. And, soon, he would be back to a place of many memories.
By the time a few more songs went by, he had fully relaxed. Until, one of his earphones was forcefully yanked out of his ear.
“Hey!” Seungmin protested, whipping around to see the culprit.
A familiar scoff filled his ears, “Hey, yourself, Kim Seungmin.”
He couldn’t believe his eyes, a part of him wondering if he had fallen asleep at some point and this was a dream. But he knew it had to be real from the soft hum of the bus engine to the familiar texture of the bus seat, it all felt… real. His dream since the night of his high school graduation had finally become a reality.
Seungmin stared at the other with wide eyes, barely managing a response, “Minho-hyung, you’re here.”
If Minho was at all bothered by the raw emotion in his voice, he didn’t show it, instead sitting down next to him and plugging the earphone he had stolen into his own ear as he replied, “Of course I am, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
Staring pointedly at his hands, Minho added in a voice Seungmin almost couldn’t hear over the music playing in his ear, “Not again.”
The elder didn’t say more after that and Seungmin couldn’t come up with anything to say either. So, he took the opportunity to take in Minho’s appearance. He looked tired, dark circles around his eyes as he slouched into the uncomfortable bus seat. But he still looked the same nonetheless. The same strong gaze had stared him down after pulling out the earphone just as it did all those years ago whenever they would meet. The little digital interactions they had over their time apart did nothing to do it justice either.
His hair was a different color though, purple this time. Seungmin had always loved purple and couldn’t help but admire how the shade looked on the other. The more he stared, the more he noticed a hint of red grow on the elder’s ear, a telling sign that he was flustered.
“Hwang Hyunjin told me to brace myself for a surprise,” Minho stated, finally pulling his attention away from his hair and towards the other’s waiting gaze.
Seungmin blinked before nervously running a hand through his shorter locks, eyes falling down to the gap between their chairs as he ducked his head, “Ah, yeah. It was about time for a haircut and I guess he went a bit overboard. It’s kinda weird, not used to the length.”
“It looks good,” Minho told him, catching him off guard when he felt fingers brush lightly over his forehead.
Seungmin tilted his head back up at the motion, eyes wide before he quickly bowed his head again, “Thanks, hyung. I, uh, really like your new hair too.”
“I knew you would,” Minho replied and he didn’t have to look up to know there was a smirk on his face.
Quickly trying to change the topic, Seungmin asked, “How was your flight?”
“Good enough, time zones suck,” Minho hummed. His statement was something Seungmin knew far too well.
“You look tired, hyung,” Seungmin noted.
Minho nodded, looking as if he wanted to say something but Seungmin continued, “You should rest a bit, I’ll wake you up when we get there.”
Hesitantly, Minho lowered his head onto Seungmin’s shoulder, muttering a small, “Okay, don’t miss our stop.”
Seungmin let a small smile form on his lips at that, not quite happy but a more genuine smile than what he had gotten used to giving others, “I’ll do my best, hyung.”
🎧🎧🎧
The first time Seungmin talked to Minho had gone similarly to their reunion. Although, it took a long time for them to actually talk to each other.
Being the overachieving student he was, Seungmin often spent hours on end in the school library working on revision and borrowing all of the law books their school had to ‘prepare’ for law school as any good kid would when their parents advised them to go into law (in reality, it was just him according to 90% of his current law classmates). As a result, he more or less ended up getting on the late bus home as he discovered that packing both lunch and dinner saved time in keeping his flow rather than cutting his study time short to go home and eat first.
Some may say that it was unhealthy, but Seungmin found it effective. He got to finish his school work, invest in his future, and do whatever he wanted until it was time to go to sleep once he got home. It kept him busy, kept him productive and ahead of everyone else.
Of course, sometimes Hyunjin would pull him away from this routine to hang out, though he later scheduled that too onto a specific day. But otherwise, he was a regular passenger of the late bus home.
Being one of those regulars, he began to recognize other regulars. One of them being Minho, a scrawny senior he vaguely remembered being friends with the boy Hyunjin fawned over constantly. Every time he entered the bus Minho would be there sat at a specific seat near the back, bag placed next to him. Then, exactly three stops before Seungmin’s he would get off. Although, each time Seungmin saw him, he looked more and more tired.
During one such ride, the bus was unusually packed (something about a late club event, Seungmin wasn’t paying attention at the time) and Seungmin found himself sitting next to Minho. Said boy seemed to be struggling to stay awake, head falling a few times before quickly jerking back up.
Pausing his music, Seungmin turned his head to the other, “You get off in 5 more stops right?”
Minho blinked once, twice, then thrice before he narrowed his eyes, “What are you, my stalker?”
“I see you basically every time I get on this bus. You should sleep before you fall over and get a concussion, I’ll wake you up,” Seungmin told him.
Minho hesitated for a few moments before leaning his head on the window and closed his eyes.
Seungmin frowned, “You won’t sleep like that, your head keeps bumping the window.”
“Well, what do you suppose I do?” Minho gritted out.
“Here,” Seungmin gently cradled his head and leaned it against his own shoulder.
“Don’t go grabbing random stranger’s heads,” Minho scolded, though his voice held no bite behind it, sounding more tired than anything.
“You’re not a random stranger, you go to my school and I see you almost everyday,” Seungmin argued back.
“Whatever,” Minho grumbled, ears a splotchy red as he closed his eyes once again.
Seungmin left the conversation at that, unpausing his music and closing his eyes to drown out the ruckus of the club members sitting at the front.
However, what should have just been a short journey, quickly spiraled into a long road trip as Seungmin too had fallen asleep, head leaning against the other’s. It wasn’t until the bus driver woke them up at the last stop (clearly concerned that two high schoolers weren’t getting of his bus) that the two awoke.
“I’m so sorry, sunbaenim! I didn’t mean to fall asleep too,” Seungmin bowed his head repeatedly.
Minho let out a tired sigh, “Whatever, it’s only 5 more stops for me… again. You must be tired too.”
Seungmin scratched his neck sheepishly as he admitted, “Yeah, exam season is not treating me well. I can’t believe it’s only the first semester, too.”
“Same here, my friend is always distracted fawning over some boy instead of working on our project,” Minho agreed.
“If the friend you’re talking about is Seo Changbin-ssi then we’re definitely in the same boat, my best friend is Hwang Hyunjin,” Seungmin told him.
“Ah, never paid attention,” Minho blinked.
“Kim Seungmin, sunbae. And you are, Minho-sunbae I believe?” Seungmin asked.
“Yes, Lee Minho. We should work together, Kim Seungmin, watching Seo Changbin and Hwang Hyunjin pine over each other is painful,” Minho concluded.
“Yes, it is and we definitely should. You study with Changbin-ssi at the library during lunch break, right? Drag him to me and Hyunjinnie’s table next time,” Seungmin suggested.
“Sounds like a plan,” Minho nodded.
🎧🎧🎧
Seungmin was pulled out of his thoughts as his old school building slowly came into view.
He took a deep breath.
Everything needed to go well.
He wouldn't let another graduation get ruined, regardless of the whirlwind of emotions in his chest.
Everything needed to go well, for Jeongin's sake.
Shifting slightly, he gave Minho a gentle nudge to wake him up. The elder let out a soft groan before sitting up and stretching out his arms, letting out a satisfying cracking sound.
“Your joints need oiling?” Seungmin teased.
“Do you still want to see Yang Jeongin tonight?” Minho shot back.
Taking back his earphone bud and letting it hang as the other remained in his ear, Seungmin got out of his seat to exit the bus, “Maybe.”
Maybe pretending everything was normal wouldn't be so hard after all.
Maybe.
Getting off the bus, the two slipped into the school gymnasium alongside countless other parents. As if on instinct, Minho grabbed the sleeve of Seungmin’s cardigan, pulling him through the crowd near the front where parents were fighting to get the best shot of their child.
As they stopped, Seungmin tugged his arm away, earning him a short glance from Minho before he resumed his search for their friend in the sea of students walking into the gym below. Meanwhile, Seungmin reached for his sling bag and pulled out his trusty camera, opening the lens cover and bringing it up to his eye level.
Turning it on and adjusting the settings, he aimed its lens towards Minho. Through the lens, Seungmin drank in his beautiful side profile from the soft curves of his face to the subtle smile playing on his lips as even he couldn’t hide his anticipation.
Seungmin missed being able to see Minho this close.
Just as Seungmin pressed the shutter to take a picture, Minho directed his attention back to him, resulting in a shot of the elder looking just slightly towards the camera. The subject in question seemed to quickly grow a shade of red on his ears as Seungmin looked away from his camera, giving him an annoyed look.
“Yah, Kim Seungmin, at least tell me when you’re going to take a picture,” Minho huffed.
Seungmin averted his gaze away from the flustered boy's face, “Sorry, hyung, I was just testing the settings. Wanna capture the best pictures for our dear maknae.”
Minho let out another soft huff before pulling out his phone to check for any messages, “I can’t see him though, maybe his class isn’t out yet.”
“His class is one of the last ones to come out,” Seungmin recalled.
“I can’t believe there’s so many classes now, isn’t this already class 4? So many brats,” Minho furrowed his brows.
“He has the same amount as me and Hyunjin when we graduated though. Hyunjin was in the last class,” Seungmin pointed out.
Minho fell silent for a moment before commenting, “I don’t believe Seo Changbin would have the patience to wait this long to see his precious boyfriend.”
“It’s a good thing Hyunjin is one of the first acts in the art festival this year then, though it does clash with Jeongin’s graduation so it’s a win-lose situation I guess,” Seungmin shrugged.
“I doubt Yang Jeongin wants to thirdwheel on his big day anyway,” Minho joked.
“I wish I had that privilege, they were disgusting during my graduation,” Seungmin lamented, eyes trailing away from the sea of students and towards the other.
Minho’s smile fell slightly as he turned his head to meet his gaze, “Seung-ah, I-”
“Never mind my words, hyung. Let’s focus on Innie’s big day,” Seungmin cut him off as he turned back to look down on the line of students and pulled his camera up to hide his expression.
He couldn't let his real feelings shine through, not when it was supposed to be Jeongin's moment.
Internally, he felt grateful that Minho didn’t push the topic further.
🎧🎧🎧
Around the same time 3 years before, Seungmin had found himself squished between Hyunjin and Jeongin as they fought against parents to find a place near the front as loud graduation music played in the background.
“Changbin-hyung looks so tiny from up here,” Seungmin had laughed when he finally got a proper look at the graduation batch that year.
“He’s fun size, I’ll put him into my pocket so we’ll never get separated!” Hyunjin defended with an overdramatic pout.
“With your clumsy ass? You’d probably lose him within a day,” Seungmin snorted, earning him a loud squawk from the other.
“Hey, be quiet, hyungs, they’re about to start handing out certificates,” Jeongin shushed them, ending their meaningless quarrel.
Later, the three of them would meet up with Minho and Changbin after the two graduates managed to escape the many greetings and picture requests under a large tree overlooking the school courtyard. It was the same tree they would spend most of their lunch breaks under (after a lot of convincing from Hyunjin that Seungmin needed more sunlight).
It was then that Minho broke the news to his friends, “I got a scholarship offer for a dance program.”
Seungmin’s eyes widened, grabbing onto the elder’s arm without thinking as he congratulated him, “That’s amazing news, hyung! Congratulations, I knew your hard work would pay off.”
The others offered similar congratulations but Minho pressed his lips together and Seungmin frowned at the expression, “What’s wrong, hyung?”
Minho averted his gaze, “It’s uh, it’s in America.”
Seungmin blinked, “Wait, like a full-ride scholarship? That’s amazing, hyung! That’s a once in a lifetime opportunity!”
“Man, I wish I could learn to dance in America, their dance styles are so cool,” Hyunjin lamented.
“There’s nothing to worry about, Minho, you’ll do great,” Changbin encouraged.
Before the other could reply, Changbin’s sister made an appearance, waving at Seungmin, “Bin-ah, let me take a photo of you 5 together. Lend me your camera, Seungminnie.”
Quickly slipping off the strap, Seungmin handed it over to the older woman before running back to the others. Changbin and Hyunjin were already attached to the hip, Hyunjin’s arms wrapped tightly around Changbin’s shoulders. Jeongin gave them a short look of disgust before brushing some hair out of his face and putting on his ‘cool’ camera expression he always used in his Instagram posts. Meanwhile, Minho stood on the other side of the couple, offering a rare fond smile to Seungmin as he reached his side.
As he turned to face the camera, Seungmin felt an arm snake around him, pulling him closer. He held back a gasp, lifting up his own hand to cover the smaller one holding his shoulder as a wide grin found itself on his face.
“Alright, 3, 2, 1!” Changbin’s sister yelled before taking so many pictures Seungmin felt blinded by the flash of his own camera.
“Noona you’re blinding me,” Changbin whined.
“Quit complaining, I’m making you high school memories!” She shot back.
In the brief moment she paused, Minho rubbed his eye akin to a grooming cat. At that moment, Seungmin decided to stop the chaos before it could break out into a full-on war between the Seo siblings.
“Noona, please don’t finish my storage,” Seungmin shot her the best puppy dog eyes he could muster.
“Aw, alright, you can have it back Seungminnie,” The older woman held the camera back out.
As Seungmin ran to get it back, Jeongin turned to the others with a new brilliant idea, “We should do this again next graduation. It would be cool to do one of those side-by-side comparisons.”
“Oh, yes! We should, that would be so much fun,” Hyunjin squealed.
“Hopefully it doesn’t line up with any exams or anything,” Changbin hummed thoughtfully.
Walking back with his camera securely strapped around his neck again, Seungmin grinned at his friends, “What if hyungs start growing grey hairs though? It would totally ruin the aesthetic.”
“Yah, Kim Seungmin, it’s only a year. We’re not gonna change that much,” Minho slung his arm around him, placing him in a chokehold.
“Sure, hyung, we’ll see,” Seungmin strained a laugh from within the other’s hold.
A year later, Seungmin found himself under the same tree. He held the same camera in his hands, gripping onto it like it was his lifeline after his sister had returned it.
“Minnie, I wanna see the picture, did it turn out good?” Hyunjin asked.
“Oh, yeah, sure,” Seungmin nodded, distractedly handing the camera over.
Changbin soon leaned over to look at the picture as well when Seungmin felt a hand wrap around him. Except, this time, it only softly touched his shoulder, a touch so gentle it made him feel like he was made out of glass.
Turning his head, he saw Jeongin’s small supportive smile. Seungmin could only twitch his lips up for a moment in return. The youngest then looked to see the picture too.
Given Seungmin’s improvement in toggling with his camera settings, the picture had turned out much better than the previous iteration. More details could be seen clearly even with the darkening sky behind them. But Seungmin’s eyes couldn’t help but look for one specific detail. The empty space next to him as he and Hyunjin stood together proudly with Changbin and Jeongin posing next to Hyunjin left much to be desired.
Just then, Jeongin’s phone went off and he excused himself to pick it up. Meanwhile, Hyunjin and Changbin began to scroll through the other pictures taken that day, lost in their own world full of small giggles and fond looks. Seungmin inched closer, making it look like he too was looking at the photos.
But his mind was miles away.
Soon, Jeongin returned with a frown, “Sorry, hyungs, my folks want me back home. I’ve got exams next week so I can’t stay out.”
“That’s okay, Innie, we can always hang out again after your break starts,” Hyunjin reassured.
Jeongin smiled, pocketing his phone, “Alright, I’m going first then. Congrats again Seungmin-hyung, Jinnie-hyung.”
“Bye, Innie!” Hyunjin waved, mirrored by Seungmin as he mustered a small smile.
“Get home safe, maknae-ya!” Changbin yelled after him as he began to walk away.
“I will!” Jeongin reassured.
Coming up to them, Seungmin’s sister suggested, “Well, now that it’s just the three of you, why don’t we all just eat together with our families to celebrate?”
“Sounds great, noona,” Hyunjin nodded.
Seungmin could barely voice his own opinion before his sister was basically dragging him back to their parents to tell them about the idea. Don’t get him wrong, Seungmin loves his sister, loves his friends, but he really didn’t want to be there at that moment. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in his bed and hide under the sheets. The drowsiness was also starting to kick in, the result of many all-nighters pulled during his final exams and the all-nighters pulled after as he anxiously awaited his results.
However, when he did find himself alone in his room later that night, he felt miserable.
High school student Seungmin had never minded the silence, having dealt with it while studying alone in the library for the length of his high school career. High school student Seungmin had never felt alone, not even when he found himself being the only one left in the library after everyone else had gone home already.
But all of a sudden, the silence of his room suffocated him, proving just how lonely he was.
It was like he had suddenly discovered a new fear deep inside of him.
Jeongin would stay in high school with his own group of friends.
He and Hyunjin would be going to the same university, but so was Changbin as their senior.
Hyunjin and Changbin had each other, fit together like pieces of a puzzle.
And Minho-
Seungmin shook his head.
Logically, he knew he shouldn’t be feeling this way. His graduation day was supposed to be a day of celebration, celebrating all of his hard work over the 3 years.
Yet, Seungmin couldn’t help but feel the hole in his heart.
Then, he did something he never thought he would do. He broke his own no phone in bed rule.
With shaky hands, he opened his phone app and pressed on an all too familiar contact.
Ring...
Ring...
Ring...
Ring-
“Hello?” Minho’s groggy voice soon came out of his phone.
“Hyung,” Seungmin breathed out.
“Kim Seungmin? Why are you calling me at 5 am? This better be important,” Minho questioned.
Seungmin blinked before quickly realizing his mistake, “I- Sorry, hyung. I forgot the time difference.”
Minho grunted in acknowledgement before asking again, “What is it, Kim Seungmin?”
Seungmin winced at the clear exhaustion still in his voice, “How are you, hyung?”
There was a short pause on the other line, “Good enough, why?”
“Can’t I just call because I want to?” Seungmin joked, though it fell flat even in his own ears, unable to let out the hurt that filled his heart.
“Yah, calls are supposed to be an effective way of communicating. If you wanted to talk to me, just text,” Minho complained.
“Sorry, hyung, I’ll let you go back to sleep,” Seungmin apologized again, feeling pinpricks of tears sting the corner of his eyes.
“Good night, Kim Seungmin,” Minho replied simply.
“Good night, hyungie,” Seungmin returned before the call ended.
Just like that, the silence returned. Having enough of it, Seungmin opened a compilation of Day6 piano covers and lowered the volume before pulling the covers over his head.
Later the next day, he would get some messages from Minho. The last messages they would send in personal chat aside from birthdays and holiday greetings.
Cat-hyungie: Seung-ah…
Cat-hyungie: I wasn’t thinking straight this morning
Cat-hyungie: Congratulations on your graduation😸
Cat-hyungie: I wish I could’ve been there
[01:03 KST] - 08:03 PST
It’s okay hyung
I’m sorry for calling so abruptly this morning
I hope you slept well after that
[08:54 KST] - 15:54 PST
Cat-hyungie: I did, thank you Kim Seungmin
Cat-hyungie: Don’t be afraid to call me anytime
[08:56 KST] - 15:56 PST
Okay hyung
[09:01 KST] - 16:01 PST
🎧🎧🎧
“Come on, hyungs! You’re so slow in your old age,” Jeongin complained, waving the two over from under the familiar tree.
“Yah, Yang Jeongin, who just flew across the world to see you graduate?” Minho retorted.
Jeongin rolled his eyes, “I’m flattered, but we’re really losing the nice sky in the background.”
“I’ll take the picture for you,” Jeongin’s older brother offered as he caught up to the pair.
“Ah, thank you,” Seungmin handed over his camera and took out his earphone buds as he followed Minho to where Jeongin was already standing.
Similar to Changbin's sister, Jeongin’s brother took a lot of photos. Though, he let them take breaks between and change up some poses which Jeongin took in stride, directing Seungmin into various different positions
“Stop being so stiff, hyung,” Jeongin had instructed, pulling both him and Minho towards him in a rare show of physical affection.
Seungmin couldn’t help the smile on his face at that as he flashed a peace sign and snaked an arm around the younger’s shoulder. Within the next few photos, Minho’s hand found its way on top of his and Seungmin fought the urge to pull away.
The elder looked like a proud older brother as he stood next to Jeongin, flicking his graduation tassel at some point.
When they finally finished taking pictures, Jeongin turned around with a wide grin as he asked, “Changbin-hyung and Hyunjin-hyung are recording their performances for us, right?”
“Yeah, and Hyunjin promised to call soon, he just needs to find Changbin-hyung,” Seungmin confirmed.
Jeongin nodded, “Are they actually coming tomorrow?”
Minho snorted, “I wouldn’t bet on it, Hwang Hyunjin might fall into a deep beauty sleep after his performance and miss his train here.”
“I hope they make it, it’s been a while since we’ve all met,” Jeongin lamented.
“I’m sure they’ll be here,” Seungmin reassured, squeezing his arm.
As if hearing the maknae's request, Seungmin’s phone suddenly began ringing, “Ah! It’s Hyunjinnie.”
Picking up, Seungmin quickly held his phone out to show all three of them, “Hi, I see you found your boyfriend.”
Hyunjin grinned, arms wrapped around Changbin’s now broad chest, “Yes! I did. Can you believe how hard it was to pull him out of his crowd of admirers?”
“My friends were just congratulating me, Jinnie,” Changbin rolled his eyes playfully.
“Hi, hyungs!” Jeongin waved.
“Innie! Congratulations on finally graduating! I’m so happy for you! You look so cute in your toga, please wear it again tomorrow so we can get pictures together,” Hyunjin cooed.
“Congrats, Innie, can’t wait to see you on campus,” Changbin congratulated him as well.
“Thank you, hyungs. Also, Minho-hyung wanted to remind Hyunjin-hyung not to miss his train,” Jeongin laughed.
“I’ve already set 5 different alarms,” Hyunjin retorted.
“Maybe you should add more, sleeping beauty,” Minho snarked back.
“I’m glad to see you too, Minho,” Changbin laughed, cutting into the argument before it could continue.
“Likewise, Seo Changbin,” Minho gave a Cheshire grin.
The two on the other side seemed to be moving out of the building as the night Seoul sky soon appeared on the screen.
“How were the performances?” Seungmin asked.
“They were great! Binnie was so cool, totally took over the stage,” Hyunjin gushed.
“Jinnie was also amazing. His solo was everything I thought it’d be… and more,” Changbin gave his boyfriend a loving look.
Jeongin fake gagged, “Yuck, keep your flirting to yourselves. Just send us the videos later.”
“Will do!” Hyunjin nodded though his eyes were busy returning Changbin’s stare with an equally gooey look.
In the distance, shouts could be heard and Jeongin turned to see his friends, “Ah, it’s Beomgyu and the others.”
Cupping his hands around his mouth, he shouted back, “Hold on guys!”
“You have plans?” Minho questioned.
Jeongin shrugged sheepishly, “Yeah, they invited me to dinner. I promise to eat with you guys tomorrow though! We can even ride the bus together.”
Giving him a stiff shoulder pat, Minho told him, “Go ahead, Yang Jeongin. Have fun with your friends.”
Jeongin gave a strained smile, “Thanks, hyung. I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Thank you for coming, Minho-hyung, Seungmin-hyung.”
He then leaned in, grabbing Seungmin’s arm to pull him down to his level before whispering into his ear, “Please don’t run from Minho-hyung, you guys should talk.”
Seungmin blinked at his words, unable to react before the younger pulled away and began walking away, “Bye, guys! See you tomorrow!”
“Bye, Innie!” Hyunjin replied followed by a similar goodbye from Changbin.
“Stay safe, Yang Jeongin, you still owe us a meal,” Minho told him.
“Hey, you guys should be treating me for my graduation,” Jeongin scowled, stomping slightly as his figure became smaller.
“Cute,” Seungmin couldn't help but smile at his antics.
“Yeah,” Minho seemingly agreed but when Seungmin turned his head, the elder was looking at him instead of the maknae’s back.
Seungmin felt heat rise up his neck and ducked his head as Changbin interrupted once again, “We should probably go too. About to go on the train, the signal’s probably going to cut off.”
“Ah, okay. Bye, hyung. Get home safe, you guys,” Seungmin nodded.
“We will! You guys don’t stay out too, stick together, 'kay?” Hyunjin told them, giving Seungmin a pointed look.
“Just don’t miss your train tomorrow and we’ll see how we fare tonight,” Minho hummed.
“You’re so rude, hyung. I’m hanging up. Bye!” Hyunjin pouted as Changbin gave one last wave before the call ended.
Just like that, the two were alone once again. Seungmin dropped the arm that had been holding his phone as the silence began to fill his ears and he suddenly felt like all the energy in him had been drained out.
It was no longer sunset by that point, the sky dark around them with the only source of light being the school building behind them.
Remembering Jeongin’s words, Seungmin shifted his attention towards Minho. He was surprised to find the other already staring at him once again.
As he looked back into the other’s round brown eyes, words left him. A million thoughts running through his mind, but none of them taking form in any meaningful words or sentences, just a jumble of static filling his brain.
Breaking eye contact, Minho looked up at the tree above them, “This place hasn’t changed much.”
Following his gaze, Seungmin stared at the branches overhead, tracing over the intricate patterns with his eyes as he let out a soft reply, “Yeah, I thought for sure they’d get rid of this old thing.”
“And let people accuse them of not being environmentally friendly? As if,” Minho barked out a laugh.
Seungmin let out a humorless chuckle at that and silence fell over them once again.
Seungmin tried to distract himself by squinting and looking at the little shine of the stars above him through the gaps in the branches. It was a rare sight in Seoul and Seungmin enjoyed the view, but it didn’t do enough to avoid the piercing silence
He put his hand in his pocket, reaching for his earphones and moved to plug them into his phone again when he heard shuffling noises across from him.
As he directed his attention back to the other boy, he watched the other pull out a lighter… and a cigarette?
“You smoke?” Seungmin couldn’t hold back his bafflement.
Without sparing him a glance, Minho held the stick in his mouth and lit the end before letting out a puff of smoke and shrugging, “Picked it up from my team leader.”
Seungmin frowned, “That’s not good for you, hyung. What happened to living a healthy life?”
“What happened to happiness in silence?” Minho shot back, pocketing the lighter.
Seungmin blinked, taken aback by the other’s words, “What?”
“You keep putting on your earphones. You used to only do that when the bus was too noisy. Why do you seem so reliant on it now?” Minho questioned.
“Is it wrong for me to enjoy music?” Seungmin defended.
“W- No, it’s just… You used to love quiet moments like this,” Minho shrugged, taking in a dreg of his cigarette and turning his head to release a puff of smoke.
“And you’re destroying your lungs. Who’s the one who picked up a dangerous hobby between the two of us?” Seungmin crossed his arms, eying the wisps of smoke as it disappeared with the soft breeze.
“It’s how I cope,” Minho admitted, fingers tightening around the stick.
“And music is how I cope,” Seungmin returned the sentiment.
Minho scoffed, “No, you always look for somewhere quiet when you need to destress like the empty corner of the library or your roo-”
“Don’t act like you know me, hyung,” Seungmin let out a bitter laugh.
He needed to get a grip.
How could he be letting his emotions take charge like this?
He needed to stop.
“Then, why won’t you let me know you, Kim Seungmin?” Minho challenged, taking a step forward.
“You interested in being in my life now?” Seungmin's tongue spoke despite his mind screaming to let the topic die.
Minho’s features settled into a look of confusion and hurt, “When have I never?”
Seungmin faltered.
There he went, making Minho feel bad again for his own loneliness.
God, he was such a horrible friend.
Eyes falling, he uncrossed his hands and let them fall limply to his sides, “Never mind, forget it. I didn’t mean to lash out, sorry, hyung.”
But Minho stepped closer and reached out with his unoccupied hand to tilt the younger’s chin up gently, “Seung-ah, talk to hyung, please.”
Seungmin breath hitched but stubbornly refused to answer or maintain eye contact. He couldn't bear to see the hurt in the other's eyes.
Minho sighed, dropping his hand, “If this is about last year… I’m really sorry. It was a stupid mistake. I should’ve paid better attention before only the expensive tickets were left.”
“It’s not your fault, hyung. You were busy, you had other things to worry about,” Seungmin tried to reassure but couldn’t hold back the waver in his voice.
“No, it was. I knew how important it was to you... to me... and I just shrugged you off,” Minho disagreed.
Seungmin shook his head, hands curling into fists at his sides, “No, I-I’m just overreacting. Changbin-hyung and Hyunjin aren’t here today and Jeongin is fine with it. Hyunjin also wasn’t as bothered as me.”
“That’s because Hyunjin had Changbin,” Minho tried.
“It’s not like we’re Hyunjin and Changbin-hyung or anything,” Seungmin pointed out with a humourless chuckle.
He hated the way he could feel an unwelcoming sting in his eyes the more he spoke, “And I… Well, it’s not like I should’ve been that devastated. I had my other friends and my family with me but… why did I feel like, like I was so… alone?”
He knew in his own mind that he only spoke the truth. He knew was just greedy, that he just wanted more than what he was already given.
When he looked back at the elder, tears began to build up in his eyes as his stare was returned with an unreadable look. Seungmin let out a choked noise as he tried to hold back a whimper, quickly reaching up to wipe his eyes with the sleeve of his cardigan.
“Oh, Seungmin,” Minho’s voice had never sounded softer in his ears, making his heart clench. Was that pity in his voice? Seungmin felt pathetic as the silence began to ring in his ears once again.
He hated this feeling, how vulnerable he felt.
He hated how Minho could see just how selfish he was.
Soft hands moved to hesitantly cup his face, a warm feeling against the skin that had started to become cold from the breeze.
As if it were a moment of clarity, the ringing in his ears disappeared as he looked back into those unreadable eyes. His brain yearned to know what the other was thinking.
If he cared.
If he could understand even a bit of what Seungmin felt when words failed to describe the sinking boat he had been struggling to keep afloat on his own.
Minho’s thumb moved to wipe a tear running down his cheek as he spoke, “Seungmin, when I told you to not be afraid to call me, I thought I’d wait till you were ready to deal with my stupidity again. I wanted to give you space. That night, when you called… When I woke up I could only remember the sound of your voice, how devastated you sounded and how cruel I was to have shrugged you off just like that.”
“I’m sorry, hyung,” Seungmin croaked out.
He really messed this up, didn't he?
He couldn't believe he made the other worry like that because he couldn't handle it when things didn't go exactly how he wanted.
Life happened, he should've just accepted it instead of acting as pathetic as he did that night.
Seungmin felt so selfish.
Despite his faults, Minho tightened his grip on the other’s face, “No, don’t be sorry, hyung is sorry for being a coward. I should’ve apologized, I should’ve reach out to you. I thought you were doing okay, I thought- No, I told myself you had moved on with your life, that you didn't need me anymore. If I had known you felt this way, I-”
“I missed you, hyung. I'm so sorry,” Seungmin choked back a sob, reaching his hand up to grasp one of the hands on his face as he leaned into the touch.
“Missed you too, Seungmin-ah. Hyung was stupid, hyung is so sorry,” Minho’s voice cracked.
Why did Minho always have to indulge him like this?
He never turned away, never backed away from even the ugliest sides.
The sides that Seungmin tried so desperately tried to hide from others.
He could never understand, how Minho could just accept him despite all that.
Want him, even.
Seungmin gripped the hand in his, tugging at it and pulled Minho into a hug. He buried his face into the other’s shirt, likely making it damp from the tears in his eyes. If Minho had any complaints, he certainly didn’t voice them as he wrapped his arms around him just as tightly.
He wanted to relish the warmth of Minho's touch forever. As long as Minho would allow him to.
“Promise you won’t leave me alone again, please,” Seungmin whispered as he clung to the boy like a lifeline.
It felt like a selfish request for him to say that.
“I promise, Seung-ah. We’ll figure this out, together. One step at a time,” Minho assured him, lifting a hand to run through the short locks at the base of his neck in a comforting manner.
There it was again, the unconditional acceptance he never understood.
“You’ve always been my favorite hyung, always been too good to me,” Seungmin told him, lips ghosting against the base of the other’s neck as if whispering a sweet confession. It might as well have been a confession with how painful it was to hide his deepest feelings towards the elder.
“You’re my favorite junior too, don’t tell Yang Jeongin,” Minho squeezed him comfortingly.
Seungmin let out a wet laugh at that as Minho pulled away to look at him properly, “Let’s go get something to eat, Seung-ah, hyung’s treat. As much as I love hanging out with you, I think they’re going to lock the gates sometime soon.”
“Okay, hyung,” Seungmin smiled, a little strained, but the realest one that night nonetheless.
Reluctantly, he untangled himself from the other as Minho did the same but let the hand that was in his hair fall to his arm, hand wrapping around his wrist. Tugging his arm, Minho turned towards the exit, walking as Seungmin stumbled lightly behind him.
Seungmin figured would have to accept whatever he got, cling onto whatever part of Minho he had left.
Seungmin knew he wasn't ready for Minho to go away again.
Not when he had just heard those sweet words from his usually reserved hyung.
So, he would just have to swallow his feelings and pretend that everything was normal again like he did for Jeongin's graduation.
If not for his own sake, then at least for Minho's.
“Where are we going to eat, hyung? You should treat me well to make up for the graduation dinner you missed,” Seungmin teased.
Without even needing to look at his face, he could tell Minho was rolling his eyes.
He barely registered the other’s response, letting the comforting sound of his voice fill his ears. Seungmin could get used to this.
🎧Bonus🎧
“Wait, hyung, what did you do to the cigarette?” Seungmin asked as he stuffed meat into his mouth.
“Jeez, no manners,” Minho muttered, reaching out to wipe sauce off the corner of the other’s lips.
“Sorry,” Seungmin apologized sheepishly.
“It’s alright,” Minho brought the thumb that had wiped the sauce off and licked it before returning to his own meal.
Seungmin blinked owlishly at the motion as Minho continued, “Anyways, I don’t know, I kinda just dropped it at some point probably.”
“Hyung! That’s not safe! What if you started a fire?” Seungmin’s eyes widened.
“But I didn’t, so,” Minho shrugged.
“You could’ve killed us,” Seungmin protested.
“Nah, I would’ve protected you like the good hyung I am,” Minho shook his head before looking Seungmin dead in the eye, a smirk playing on his lips, “Or maybe I would let you burn to put you out of your misery. Either one works.”
Seungmin choked on the meat in his mouth, reaching to chug water. Minho laughed at his reaction. Despite his mild annoyance at their current topic of conversation, Seungmin couldn’t help the smile on his face. Minho’s laughter would forever be the best type of music in his ears.