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Rose rested her chin on the back of her hands, fingers intertwined. The adults were rambling, but all she could think about was what Jack had said to her.
“If you jump, I jump. Remember?” of course she would remember. And god, at this moment did she want to jump. It would free her from this prison others called her life. At this point, she had no agency, no freedom, and was just an object for the betrothed of her mother’s choice.
‘Cal.’ The name dripped with venom in her mind’s eye, nothing more than a reminder that as soon as she left this ship, her life was over.
“Isn’t that right, Rose?” Rose stumbled out of her thoughts as her mother asked the question. “Yes, mother.” she responded, monotone with boredom and resentment. Ruth Butaker was not a stupid woman, glaring at Rose. she knew the girl had not been listening, and Rose could see every unspoken word in that sharp gaze.
“Stay in your lane.” it said. “Do what is asked, and be respectful. I am your mother, and my word is law.” Rose rolled her eyes, feeling truly bitter at this treatment from her own flesh and blood. She was a person, not a decoration. She was done with this.
“Mother, may I be excused?” she asked, as falsely demure as she could muster.
“Why ever would you need to be away so soon? You better not be seeing that cretin boy again!” Rose's mother warned.
“No, of course not. I just need some air, mother.” she had to refrain from spitting the word like rotten fruit. Of course, she could still be a little curt. She didn't wait for any response, just cleaned up her plate and left.
The water eddied against the side of the ship. It looked calm, it was hard to believe that Jack was being honest about how violent the death of jumping in was. Of course, if she froze before drowning, it would surely be less painful than succumbing to a watery suffocation.
“Rose!” a familiar voice called from behind her. She looked up to see Jack strolling towards her, hands in pockets. “What are you doing out here all alone?”
“In all fairness Jack, the breeze is especially refreshing this time of night.” She lied. It felt like a slap, lying to him, but she was teetering on the edge of freedom and he was the only one in her way.
“That's pretty true. Have you seen the water yet? I saw through my window and had to get a better view!” he looked up in thought, then grinned. He was a manchild at heart, but not naive, thank god.
“Rose, I have an idea. Just trust me. Close your eyes.”
She raised an eyebrow, but did as she was asked. He guided her up a step, and she felt a railing brush her chest. He raised her arms up, like a bird's wings, and held her waist.
“Now open your eyes.”
The water really was gorgeous. The sun reflected off it, patterning the waves with yellow and pink and orange, blues and blacks contrasting the warmth in a scene that even michelangelo would have trouble painting its glory. The wind caught her hair and dress, and she felt as if she was flying. She felt free in that moment, no longer burdened by the wants of call and the needs of her family at the expense of her happiness. And, in that moment the reminder of what she was here for hit her like a brick. She spun to face Jack, resolve blazing in her heart. “Jack.” “Rose?” “Jack. I can’t do this. I can't love you, I can't be with you, my family won’t let me. My responsibilities wont let me.”
“So? I'll smuggle you off this ship, and we can live away from them. You would never have to be bothered by them again, Rose.”
“That’s just it. I know they will face the consequences if I run away with you. It may be easier on them, if I.. Well..” she trailed off, glancing at the water. The salt stung her nose, and the spray was freezing, but the colours were enough to convince herself it was warm. And once it was over, she would never be cold again, right?
“Go on..?” Jack interrupted her thoughts.
“Well-it-would-be-easier-if-i-just-showed-you” she stumbled over her words, taking a deep breath. “Remember how you said if I jumped, so would you?” her heart beat hard in her chest. She could hear the blood rushing in her ears. These were the last few moments she would feel that heart. The last few moments that heart would feel.
“Rose- what are you saying? I hope you aren't saying what I think you’re saying.”
she looked into his eyes, resting her hands on his chest. Feeling his heartbeat as the wind rushed past them, far more reckless and sharp than only a minute before.
“I'm saying, you can back out of that little phrase now if you want. I refuse to be bound to a life like this. I love you Jack, there is no doubt about it, but you and I both know we would be hunted down by my family, and that is a life neither of us can afford.” Jack opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. She smiled. A genuine smile. “Thank you for being here, jack.” and with that, she pushed him back gently and leaned over the edge, slipping off the side of the boat and into the watery depths.
The water around her was like the coldest hug in the world. It pressed in on her, soaking her bones, crushing her until she felt like she would explode. She couldn't tell which way was up, so there was no telling where to try swimming to safety. Her lungs burned, and as she was about to take a breath, she was dragged up to the surface. Rough hands shook her shoulders, and she felt limp. There was no energy, no warmth left in her to respond. Muffled yells could be heard, but not understood. Everything hurt. Her skin felt like one giant bruise being pressed against. The hands shook her harder, and she breathed out
“Jack?” more muffled yelling, and a hug. The warmest thing she could ever think of in the world was that hug. The wake of the boat got some water in her mouth when she went to breathe again, and it burned. She coughed and gagged, choking. Why wouldn't it get out? Was this what it really felt like? She willed the water to void her lungs, but she couldn't breathe. No matter how much she coughed up, or tried to inhale, there was no end, only her end. The cold of the water continued to freeze her, hundreds of pins in what was left for her to feel. There were no longer legs to kick or run with, no arms to hug or love or play an instrument, just cold, and the hug that had begun to cool itself. She could hear the muffled voice of Jack, holding her tight, but all that went through her head was “never cold again, never cold again, never cold again.”
The two floated there in the icy water as the boat sped away, leaving them alone and forgotten. The sun dipped behind the horizon, leaving them in light of only the stars. Rose felt Jack lose his grip on her, sinking into the deep. She stifled a sob, but there was not enough life left in her to cry as felt the world fall away into utter darkness and silence.